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Old 02-11-2010, 06:17 PM   #26
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Originally Posted by LoveBHMS View Post
As much as it pains me to say this, "games" are like medicine, not fun or enjoyable, but they work. I don't mean being dishonest or manipulative, but i've found that small things like playing hard to get, not answering the phone when a guy calls, being unavailable, etc. really do work.

Men say how much they'd love to be pursued, but honestly for the most part i don't think they do. Maybe they think from a sexual standpoint it would be hot, or they'd like to have the uncertainty or nervousness removed when they want to come on to somebody, but i don't see most of them responding well to being hunted or chased. When they say "Oh i'd love it if a woman asked me out" or "I'd love it if she made the first move" i really think they're thinking either in purely sexual terms of somebody they'd want to hook up with anyway or in terms of a current partner taking the lead in bed. At best i think women can make the first move and let a man know they're interested or available, but if a guy does not respond it probably won't work.
Well I don't! If a woman asks me out and I like her back: I'm going full force!

Aggressive women rule. </thread.>
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Old 02-11-2010, 09:41 PM   #27
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Originally Posted by Ernest Nagel View Post
I'd say 99% of the times a woman has been very forward and flirty with me they have been thin or well below my attraction zone. This has been anywhere from uncomfortable to incredibly awkward for me. When I was married it was easy enough to play the fidelity card. Now and before when women have known I'm unattached all I can do is offer that I'm currently practicing celibacy. It has never and I mean NEVER worked to tell them I'm just into bigger girls.

I'm just trying to imagine how that would be for a guy into smaller women approached by a big girl? How would you want him to respond? I'm just curious.

Truthfully I'd love to have been the prey of a SS/BBW back when I was dating but it never happened.
Even though I am aggressive, I'd never say that I make the "first" move. Usually man gives me a look, or a "nod". He may not even know he's doing it. I am looking for signs of openness before I go in. Many have been surprisingly open. I've freaked a few guys out, and some of them have stayed freaked out (frequently men I didn't know well enough to begin with, or misread). Some have been put off initially, and then come after me with a vengeance. Then it gets fun.

I don't think I would just walk up to a man in a club or restaurant and just plunk myself in front of him, and expect him to want me. 1: my chances of his being an idiot or sociopath would be too great, and 2: it would lack style.
I pursue men much more slowly, over weeks or months. Persistence hunting.
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Old 02-11-2010, 10:32 PM   #28
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Even though I am aggressive, I'd never say that I make the "first" move. Usually man gives me a look, or a "nod". He may not even know he's doing it. I am looking for signs of openness before I go in. Many have been surprisingly open. I've freaked a few guys out, and some of them have stayed freaked out (frequently men I didn't know well enough to begin with, or misread). Some have been put off initially, and then come after me with a vengeance. Then it gets fun.

I don't think I would just walk up to a man in a club or restaurant and just plunk myself in front of him, and expect him to want me. 1: my chances of his being an idiot or sociopath would be too great, and 2: it would lack style.
I pursue men much more slowly, over weeks or months. Persistence hunting.
No one minds a woman pursuing a man if the woman is hot, and if she is not hot the opposite applies.
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Old 02-12-2010, 06:52 AM   #29
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Even though I am aggressive, I'd never say that I make the "first" move. Usually man gives me a look, or a "nod". He may not even know he's doing it. I am looking for signs of openness before I go in. Many have been surprisingly open. I've freaked a few guys out, and some of them have stayed freaked out (frequently men I didn't know well enough to begin with, or misread). Some have been put off initially, and then come after me with a vengeance. Then it gets fun.

I don't think I would just walk up to a man in a club or restaurant and just plunk myself in front of him, and expect him to want me. 1: my chances of his being an idiot or sociopath would be too great, and 2: it would lack style.
I pursue men much more slowly, over weeks or months. Persistence hunting.
I think that's the best way to do it. As a man, and by society's rules the one who has to do most of the initiating, I have found that it's a lot more fun when the seduction is slow and gradual. It's a lot easier to be sexually aggressive when you know they want it too, and it flows naturally out of a relationship instead of out of the blue. I mean, most women don't appreciate a guy who comes out of nowhere and makes brazen overtures towards their sexuality (except maybe in singles bars and poorly-written erotica) and I think most guys, especially the slightly more timid guys who most appreciate the initiative and guidance a sexually aggressive woman can provide, need the chase just as much as the conquest.

With that said, if a woman were to come up to me in an assertive and confident manner who I wasn't interested in or didn't find attractive at the moment, I wouldn't freak out or toss them aside. Rejection sucks, and I would appreciate their effort and their ability to be honest. And if it was someone who sparked my interest just a little, I'd let them know that so we could continue at a pace that was more comfortable to me. So don't take rejection too seriously; it could lead to bigger and better things later on if you're willing to work with and wait for me. Of course I realize I'm not the typical guy, but I think many men on here feel the same way, and would applaud your assertiveness
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Old 02-12-2010, 12:04 PM   #30
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I love it when girls hit on me! Yes it's a relief, a nice change of pace and a turn on!
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Old 02-12-2010, 05:46 PM   #31
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This question is for the guys: When a woman looks at you, knows she wants you and *tastefully* makes it known, does this put you off? Or is it a relief that she has broken the ice? (No pun intended!) Maybe it makes you think she is just a down and dirty skank with nothing else to offer? Please share your thoughts!
I guess there must be people out there who still have an issue with women being frank & honest, but from what i know, and including my friends, it's usually welcome when women are up front. Sexuality is a natural part of life, and the sooner people relax and accept it as normal, the sooner people can lose all the weird notions about anything related to sex, such as blame and damnation. What's un-natural to me is when a religion imposes all sorts of rules (to say nothing of veils and other ways to forbid some people from being fully human). Pardon me for turning this into a question of activism and politics, but everything is political. Sure, people can choose; but first you have to allow them to do as they wish. Too bad women don't feel free to choose (and sometimes literally aren't SAFE,... but that's a whole different question).

I think women will be much further down the road to equality when the roles have been broken down to the point that anyone can ask anyone out, anyone can be the bread-winner, anyone can wear the pants in the family, etc. It shouldn't seem odd that a man stays home to look after the kids; some women are less interested in parenting, and some men are actually great parents,even before you ask which one of them makes more $ in the workplace.

Sorry if i seem off topic, but i think the only consideration should be how you feel about the person. If she doesn't ask you, then you ask her. What's sad is that in so many places, it's all up to the guy.

Why is that?

And sorry if i just asked a really dumb, obvious question.
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Old 02-12-2010, 06:56 PM   #32
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Fine with aggressive women but still curious; how do you like a disinterested prey to say "no"? I'm fine with a simple, blunt "not happening" from women I've approached but I'm kinda expecting it. What's the best way to politely say "no" to a woman who just doesn't float your boat?
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Old 02-12-2010, 07:00 PM   #33
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Fine with aggressive women but still curious; how do you like a disinterested prey to say "no"? I'm fine with a simple, blunt "not happening" from women I've approached but I'm kinda expecting it. What's the best way to politely say "no" to a woman who just doesn't float your boat?
I find honesty refreshing, a polite "Thank you but I'm not interested" works for me. The few times I've tried this, the look of horror on a man's face is a little more harsh than just rejection. Be polite, be honest, it's not that hard to let someone down with kindness. I would never be so rude as to say, "not happening" to anyone. Treat others as you would like to be treated.

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Old 02-12-2010, 07:44 PM   #34
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Fine with aggressive women but still curious; how do you like a disinterested prey to say "no"? I'm fine with a simple, blunt "not happening" from women I've approached but I'm kinda expecting it. What's the best way to politely say "no" to a woman who just doesn't float your boat?
I let guys down easy. If a man approaches me that I'm not interested in, I'll still talk to him, and deflect his advances. Unless he's incredibly thick-skulled or just doesn't care, he'll get the hint, and either we can move the conversation to another plane, or he'll pursue someone else. I use a lot of humor, and let a guy know that it's not him. Even when it is. I think I'd like a man to do this for me.
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Old 02-12-2010, 08:10 PM   #35
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Fine with aggressive women but still curious; how do you like a disinterested prey to say "no"? I'm fine with a simple, blunt "not happening" from women I've approached but I'm kinda expecting it. What's the best way to politely say "no" to a woman who just doesn't float your boat?
I usually react like this

me: What's that over there ***points behind there head**
them: Huh? ***turns to look***
me: ***runs off in other direction**

LOL..I love this scene it uses the classic..."Oh wow...look at the time"..lol

and if you havn't seen Boomerang please do..its hilarious..and its all about turning the tables.
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secret turn on.....Genuine affection :)

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Old 02-12-2010, 09:53 PM   #36
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I'm very much on the aggressive side...
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Old 02-13-2010, 04:51 AM   #37
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I hate the saying "large and in charge." It's probably my most-hated fat-related saying.

I am sometimes sexually aggressive. I may not initiate the first time always, but after that, you can bet I will. I can be rough, too...
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Old 02-13-2010, 05:01 AM   #38
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I hate the saying "large and in charge." It's probably my most-hated fat-related saying.

I am sometimes sexually aggressive. I may not initiate the first time always, but after that, you can bet I will. I can be rough, too...
I know, I know! LOL! It is quite passe and definitely outmoded, (especially at a site that is practically at the forefront of fat acceptance) but I just had to preface the post with it considering the subject.

I'm a total cheeseball who takes very little seriously, what can I say!

And yep Tooz, I agree with your comment. Really, if I was the hunter every time it would get boring real fast. I like the way you put it.
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Old 02-13-2010, 07:38 AM   #39
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I guess there must be people out there who still have an issue with women being frank & honest, but from what i know, and including my friends, it's usually welcome when women are up front. Sexuality is a natural part of life, and the sooner people relax and accept it as normal, the sooner people can lose all the weird notions about anything related to sex, such as blame and damnation. What's un-natural to me is when a religion imposes all sorts of rules (to say nothing of veils and other ways to forbid some people from being fully human). Pardon me for turning this into a question of activism and politics, but everything is political. Sure, people can choose; but first you have to allow them to do as they wish. Too bad women don't feel free to choose (and sometimes literally aren't SAFE,... but that's a whole different question).

I think women will be much further down the road to equality when the roles have been broken down to the point that anyone can ask anyone out, anyone can be the bread-winner, anyone can wear the pants in the family, etc. It shouldn't seem odd that a man stays home to look after the kids; some women are less interested in parenting, and some men are actually great parents,even before you ask which one of them makes more $ in the workplace.

Sorry if i seem off topic, but i think the only consideration should be how you feel about the person. If she doesn't ask you, then you ask her. What's sad is that in so many places, it's all up to the guy.

Why is that?

And sorry if i just asked a really dumb, obvious question.
Societies in general are very conservative, and it takes a very long time to break long-standing traditions. Our taboos against sex were formed in an age where most people received their wealth either through inheritance or through the number of children they had, and were intended to prevent illegitimacy among the upper classes (which interfered with the inheritance process) or to keep child production up among the lower classes (so they could be exploited as a labor or military source.) I'm assuming things like the taboo against homosexuality were based partly on pure economics; men and women who had sex with people of their own gender were not producing children, and therefore not producing serfs for their feudal lords, or heirs for their estates. But it's a lot easier to motivate people if you tell them they will go to hell than try to explain all the economic implications.

And the reason that women have not had the freedoms that they currently enjoy is because women were essentially seen as factories for making babies. Making babies was their job, so men saw fit to protect them as possible from the ravages of fate (and other men.) All those gentlemanly rules of chivalry were designed by men who thought women were fragile, unintelligent, and needed to be protected (the fact that most women of earlier ages died in childbirth notwithstanding.)

However, these economic realities are very quickly becoming a non-issue. Having a large family is no longer a viable economic strategy for most people (in fact, in the industrialized world, where children can't even work until 16 and often live at home until their mid-20s, it's more of a liability). Both men and women can work outside the home now. Modern methods of contraception make the issue of unwanted pregnancies mostly moot. And with the rootless nature of our mobile society, the traditional bonds of blood family are not as strong as they once were. So why shouldn't people be able to have the sex they want, form the kind of relationships they want, build the type of families they want? I think men should be able to be house-husbands if they want, without the whole "your job is your identity, if you 'let your wife work' you're less of a man" thing. What if my wife makes much more than I ever could, I'm better at running a home than she is, and we both agreed that someone should stay home with the kids? (Hint: Ladies, I love doing dishes and I make a mean casserole.) The only thing holding people back is tradition, passed on religiously by people who don't even understand why they do what they do.

And why can't homosexuals marry, and be able to pass their property and insurance benefits along to whomever they choose? And why can't polyamorous lovers all live together, under legal sanction, and enjoy the benefits of having more than two breadwinners in a house? And why can't those polygamous Mormons take as many wives or husbands as they want, provided they chose the arrangement and everyone's happy with it? Personally, I believe that as society moves past a scarcity model of economy, and a scarcity model of love, and a "sin" model of sex, people will be more free to be the people they want to be and make love with whomever they choose.

I know this is a bit of a rant, but as someone said earlier, sex is a political issue. And I'm in a very... political mood right now
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Old 02-13-2010, 10:36 AM   #40
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[snip] Personally, I believe that as society moves past a scarcity model of economy, and a scarcity model of love, and a "sin" model of sex, people will be more free to be the people they want to be and make love with whomever they choose.

I know this is a bit of a rant, but as someone said earlier, sex is a political issue. And I'm in a very... political mood right now
I don't think you're the only one (in a political mood). I was afraid i'd gone off on too much of a tangent. But really, i think you're asking the fundamental question. If the relationships aren't just about perpetuating the species in a time of calamity (eg an ice age or famine) then we as individuals can lift our heads up out of our rice bowls and away from our chores long enough to notice such bourgeois concepts as romance, attraction, and to dream of happiness. I find it scary when a society imposes one template on everyone, and think it's gotta be a good thing when some people push back against restrictions. A little rebellion is surely healthy, and part of re-invigorating a culture. Fundamentalists of any sort terrify me with their literal adherence to rules and dogma.
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Old 02-13-2010, 11:22 AM   #41
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As much as it pains me to say this, "games" are like medicine, not fun or enjoyable, but they work. I don't mean being dishonest or manipulative, but i've found that small things like playing hard to get, not answering the phone when a guy calls, being unavailable, etc. really do work.

Men say how much they'd love to be pursued, but honestly for the most part i don't think they do. Maybe they think from a sexual standpoint it would be hot, or they'd like to have the uncertainty or nervousness removed when they want to come on to somebody, but i don't see most of them responding well to being hunted or chased. When they say "Oh i'd love it if a woman asked me out" or "I'd love it if she made the first move" i really think they're thinking either in purely sexual terms of somebody they'd want to hook up with anyway or in terms of a current partner taking the lead in bed. At best i think women can make the first move and let a man know they're interested or available, but if a guy does not respond it probably won't work.
I think it depends on the guy. One of my best male friends is well, he's hot. Women (thin women) come on to him all the time and he usually goes out on dates with them if they didn't do something bad like not tip the bartender - the most recent example. He has no problem with women pursuing him. I could say the same for all my other male friends too. They like it when women do the pursuing cause it means they don't have to. If it turns out to be a woman they aren't attracted to they just say I'm flattered, but no thanks.
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Old 02-13-2010, 12:04 PM   #42
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I ain't afraid to push someone up against a wall is all I'm sayin'.
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Old 02-13-2010, 02:39 PM   #43
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I ain't afraid to push someone up against a wall is all I'm sayin'.
Not to go all Paris Hilton on ya but...

That's hot.
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Old 02-13-2010, 04:53 PM   #44
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no one would guess it ,but, i am so submissive that sometimes it disgusts me.
whenever i was the aggressor it was a feeble attempt of what I've seen on tv to please my insatiable libido.
Me too! I try to come out of the shell a bit more now and then but honestly, I just love being pursued and I really kind of resent guys who want me to do the chasing.
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Old 02-13-2010, 06:41 PM   #45
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I think it depends on the guy. One of my best male friends is well, he's hot. Women (thin women) come on to him all the time and he usually goes out on dates with them if they didn't do something bad like not tip the bartender - the most recent example. He has no problem with women pursuing him. I could say the same for all my other male friends too. They like it when women do the pursuing cause it means they don't have to. If it turns out to be a woman they aren't attracted to they just say I'm flattered, but no thanks.
That last bit is actually quite helpful. Thanks, O! It's difficult to think of something gracious when you know they'd freak if you told the truth (you're a little small for my tastes).
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Old 02-13-2010, 07:10 PM   #46
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That last bit is actually quite helpful. Thanks, O! It's difficult to think of something gracious when you know they'd freak if you told the truth (you're a little small for my tastes).
You're welcome. I do know what you mean tho Ernest. Sometimes people don't want to take no for an answer. Some guys just can't handle being rejected by a fat girl either. It nearly always gets an angry response from the guy. But when I ask a guy out and he's not interested he'll likely say "I'm flattered, but no thanks." And that is the end of that.
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Old 02-13-2010, 07:21 PM   #47
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You're welcome. I do know what you mean tho Ernest. Sometimes people don't want to take no for an answer. Some guys just can't handle being rejected by a fat girl either. It nearly always gets an angry response from the guy. But when I ask a guy out and he's not interested he'll likely say "I'm flattered, but no thanks." And that is the end of that.
That's because of you, Olwen. You are confidant enough to take a "no thanks" with grace. The same can't be said of others.
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Old 02-13-2010, 07:46 PM   #48
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That last bit is actually quite helpful. Thanks, O! It's difficult to think of something gracious when you know they'd freak if you told the truth (you're a little small for my tastes).
I don't think they'd freak out anymore than a fat woman would at hearing "you're too big for my taste." In other words, they'd probably just think that such an admission is inappropriate, when a simple, "I'm flattered, but no thanks" would do just as well.
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Old 02-13-2010, 08:41 PM   #49
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That's because of you, Olwen. You are confidant enough to take a "no thanks" with grace. The same can't be said of others.
Hehehehe...watch out for the Vera De Milo types.
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Old 02-13-2010, 09:14 PM   #50
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That's because of you, Olwen. You are confidant enough to take a "no thanks" with grace. The same can't be said of others.
I suppose that's true I guess. Never thought of it like that.

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I don't think they'd freak out anymore than a fat woman would at hearing "you're too big for my taste." In other words, they'd probably just think that such an admission is inappropriate, when a simple, "I'm flattered, but no thanks" would do just as well.
I could understand wanting to tell the truth tho cause that is something I used to do. Saying "Sorry you're not my type." Almost always never works. The person wants to know what your type is and then you have to justify yourself and blah blah blah. I've had to learn the hard way not to say that simply because I don't want to end up in an argument.

I don't know if maybe it's a gender thing either. I wonder if some thin women will assume that if a guy isn't interested he must be gay and just kinda leave it at that. I just assume that if a guy isn't interested it's because of my size and I leave it at that too. I'm not going to freak out about it, I'm just going to move on to someone else. I've been fat long enough to realize that is usually how it goes and such is life. If someone freaks out about being told they aren't someone's type then I dunno....Seems like a waste of time to me. Rejection hurts for sure, but I accept it and move on. I'd honestly be more upset if I knew I was his type but he still rejected me. Then I'd really want to know why, but asking probably would end up as a really uncomfortable conversation for the both of us. So either way I'd leave it alone.
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