Dimensions Forums  
Home Register Premium Membership Stories Ye Olde Library Health Issues Market Place Big Fashion

Go Back   Dimensions Forums > Discussion > FA/FFA forum



Reply
 
Thread Tools
Old 02-26-2010, 12:07 PM   #1
pallard99
 
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: Indiana
Posts: 11
pallard99 has said some nice things
Default FA needs help with wife

I've been married for over 12 years to my wife. Her weight has gone up and down usually from 190 to 240 lbs. She always tries to diet and does not like the way she looks when she gets too heavy. I have been a closet FA for all my life. I finally told her that I like her big and she got really upset and thinks I am sick. This has caused a lot of strain in our marriage. We have 3 kids and I don't believe in walking out. I know a lot of people who would just say forget it and move on but I just can't.

Are there any FA men like me who have found a way to cope with this? I get obsessed watching what she eats and get mad when I know she is trying to diet. This has caused some OCD in me! I think about her losing weight all the time and get anxiety over it.

Also, when I see other SSBBW's in public I go nuts! This also causes me anxiety because I know I can't approach and ask them out (because I'm married). How do other FA men cope with these feelings?
pallard99 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-26-2010, 01:53 PM   #2
Melian
Ultimate Chimera
 
Melian's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2006
Posts: 4,321
Melian has ascended what used to be the highest level.Melian has ascended what used to be the highest level.Melian has ascended what used to be the highest level.Melian has ascended what used to be the highest level.Melian has ascended what used to be the highest level.Melian has ascended what used to be the highest level.Melian has ascended what used to be the highest level.Melian has ascended what used to be the highest level.Melian has ascended what used to be the highest level.Melian has ascended what used to be the highest level.Melian has ascended what used to be the highest level.
Default

If you're going to pretend to not be attracted to fat women for 12 years, why are you so shocked by your wife's reaction to your admission?

That's not meant to be rude or insulting, btw. Try to empathize with her for one second: she's thinking, "I hate my body when I hit this weight, so why does he supposedly love it all of a sudden?" She probably feels trapped right now.

Did you love her and find her sexy at 190? Chances are that you did, since you've been together for so long, so maybe you should focus on helping her get back to that comfortable weight. If she feels attractive, it will probably de-stress the marriage A LOT.
__________________
Whaddya mean, "booze ain't food??"
Melian is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-26-2010, 02:35 PM   #3
Jes
is oddly aroused
 
Jes's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2005
Posts: 12,553
Jes has ascended what used to be the highest level.Jes has ascended what used to be the highest level.Jes has ascended what used to be the highest level.Jes has ascended what used to be the highest level.Jes has ascended what used to be the highest level.Jes has ascended what used to be the highest level.Jes has ascended what used to be the highest level.Jes has ascended what used to be the highest level.Jes has ascended what used to be the highest level.Jes has ascended what used to be the highest level.Jes has ascended what used to be the highest level.
Default

hi. I haven't been in your position, so let me state that right up front. But i think all sorts of things cause anxiety in relationships. I don't want to pathologize you, but you're the one who used the term OCD to describe his behavior, so I think something you might want to look into is some therapy. I'm not calling you crazy, but I am saying that you have to make sure you clean up your side of the street in your marriage. You can only do 50% and your wife will have to do the other 50%. You can't control her, so start on your half right now!

also, the FA board might be a good place for you to spend some time. Others deal with these issues (it seems that everyone in Fatdom has, some days...) and so you might want to read what others have to say. I'm sure you'll find some good things to consider.
Jes is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-26-2010, 04:57 PM   #4
Elfcat
Radical FPL from Hell
 
Elfcat's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: Bay Point, CA
Posts: 794
Elfcat never has a post go unnoticedElfcat never has a post go unnoticedElfcat never has a post go unnoticedElfcat never has a post go unnoticedElfcat never has a post go unnoticedElfcat never has a post go unnoticedElfcat never has a post go unnoticedElfcat never has a post go unnoticed
Default

I would assume that she wants to stay in this marriage as well. I would say your task is to show her that your truth is not sick. And both words and deeds count. Ask her if she really wants you to stop being affectionate with her when she is heavier. If she says no, then be affectionate with her! Let her know it is safe to be where she is. Pour your love into it, and when she shows you the love in her eyes, ask her if this is really as sick as she said.

I mean really. You don't want to give up and walk away. You want to tell her, "This is me. This is the truth. What will you do, walk out on me and find, who exactly? Either a man who hates you when you're heavy, or someone who is just like me. What have you got to lose? Really, what HAVE you got to lose?"
Elfcat is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-26-2010, 07:58 PM   #5
TraciJo67
On Timeout
 
TraciJo67's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Minnesoooota
Posts: 4,880
TraciJo67 has ascended what used to be the highest level.TraciJo67 has ascended what used to be the highest level.TraciJo67 has ascended what used to be the highest level.TraciJo67 has ascended what used to be the highest level.TraciJo67 has ascended what used to be the highest level.TraciJo67 has ascended what used to be the highest level.TraciJo67 has ascended what used to be the highest level.TraciJo67 has ascended what used to be the highest level.TraciJo67 has ascended what used to be the highest level.TraciJo67 has ascended what used to be the highest level.TraciJo67 has ascended what used to be the highest level.
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Elfcat View Post
I would assume that she wants to stay in this marriage as well. I would say your task is to show her that your truth is not sick. And both words and deeds count. Ask her if she really wants you to stop being affectionate with her when she is heavier. If she says no, then be affectionate with her! Let her know it is safe to be where she is. Pour your love into it, and when she shows you the love in her eyes, ask her if this is really as sick as she said.

I mean really. You don't want to give up and walk away. You want to tell her, "This is me. This is the truth. What will you do, walk out on me and find, who exactly? Either a man who hates you when you're heavy, or someone who is just like me. What have you got to lose? Really, what HAVE you got to lose?"
Not quibbling with the rest of your post, or with the general advise given to the OP. But this line bothers me. I'd hope that the OP and his wife would make an effort to stay together, both for themselves and for their family, if at all possible. But saying this to his wife? No. It's not even true. There are people, a lot of people, who just don't have preferences that are set in stone one way or the other. But aside from that, I don't think that anyone would like having what they consider a weakness (in his wife's case, her size) flung out there as the object of a verbal weapon. Sounds too close to "You may as well stay with me because you're not good enough for anyone else".
TraciJo67 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-26-2010, 08:05 PM   #6
pallard99
 
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: Indiana
Posts: 11
pallard99 has said some nice things
Default Married life as a FA

I've been married for 12 years and have 3 kids. I've always been an FA and love women in the 300-400lb range. My wife though, is around 230lb and is always trying to lose despite telling her I like her weight. I didn't marry her because of her weight but over the years I have accepted the fact that the weight attraction is very important to me.

How do other married FA's keep the marriage going when they know there partner doesn't enjoy the weight? This has caused major anxiety for me. I tend to watch what she eats and worry she is loosing. How do others control there emotions when the see a hot ssbbw in public? This again causes me anxiety because my natural response is to want to talk with them! Maybe this is more about being married than my physical attraction to every bbw I see! I don't feel walk away from a relationship especially when there are kids involved is worth my own needs. Especially over something so superficial but I was wondering how other FA's cope. Any advice?
pallard99 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-26-2010, 08:22 PM   #7
toni
In the know
 
toni's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: EWR
Posts: 2,962
toni has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!toni has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!toni has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!toni has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!toni has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!toni has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!toni has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!toni has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!toni has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!toni has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!toni has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by pallard99 View Post
I've been married for over 12 years to my wife. Her weight has gone up and down usually from 190 to 240 lbs. She always tries to diet and does not like the way she looks when she gets too heavy. I have been a closet FA for all my life. I finally told her that I like her big and she got really upset and thinks I am sick. This has caused a lot of strain in our marriage. We have 3 kids and I don't believe in walking out. I know a lot of people who would just say forget it and move on but I just can't.

Are there any FA men like me who have found a way to cope with this? I get obsessed watching what she eats and get mad when I know she is trying to diet. This has caused some OCD in me! I think about her losing weight all the time and get anxiety over it.

Also, when I see other SSBBW's in public I go nuts! This also causes me anxiety because I know I can't approach and ask them out (because I'm married). How do other FA men cope with these feelings?
Have you cheated on her yet?
toni is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-26-2010, 08:27 PM   #8
toni
In the know
 
toni's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: EWR
Posts: 2,962
toni has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!toni has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!toni has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!toni has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!toni has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!toni has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!toni has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!toni has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!toni has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!toni has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!toni has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by pallard99 View Post
How do other FA men cope with these feelings?
REALLY? REALLY? REALLY?

Maybe FA's shouldn't marry thin chicks when they want super sized ones.

I would think that would be the best way to cope.
toni is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-26-2010, 09:27 PM   #9
sowhat
Contains no MSG
 
Join Date: Aug 2007
Posts: 160
sowhat can now be the recipient of "two cans" jokessowhat can now be the recipient of "two cans" jokes
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by toni View Post
Maybe FA's shouldn't marry thin chicks when they want super sized ones.
Holy s*** that's good advice. It's stupid that people need it spelled out, but they really do.

Be supportive of your wife either way on her diet. Being there for each other means sometimes ignoring your own interest in the situation.
sowhat is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-26-2010, 09:39 PM   #10
mossystate
flicks a booger on conrad
 
Join Date: Mar 2006
Posts: 10,129
mossystate has ascended what used to be the highest level.mossystate has ascended what used to be the highest level.mossystate has ascended what used to be the highest level.mossystate has ascended what used to be the highest level.mossystate has ascended what used to be the highest level.mossystate has ascended what used to be the highest level.mossystate has ascended what used to be the highest level.mossystate has ascended what used to be the highest level.mossystate has ascended what used to be the highest level.mossystate has ascended what used to be the highest level.mossystate has ascended what used to be the highest level.
Default

I know that someone getting obsessive over what I am doing..and getting mad.....I know that just makes me want to understand them and work on stuff. Ummmmm. And, the moving on thing might not end up being your call. Just saying.
mossystate is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-27-2010, 01:43 AM   #11
siren_
 
Join Date: Feb 2010
Posts: 64
siren_ has said some nice things
Default

Sounds like you are just tired of being married. :/ Are you sure you're less attracted to her because she's loosing weight? Is that REALLY the reason? And not an excuse? Most people, not just FAs get kinda excited when they see someone especially attractive. You just kinda notice and move on. Maybe you're mind is wandering to other women because you're current romance is fizzling. I think a romantic getaway is in order! Also, chocolate. Women can't resist it and um it pretty much kills any diet.
__________________
~ fattys do it better ~
siren_ is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-28-2010, 07:59 AM   #12
steely
 
Join Date: Apr 2006
Posts: 3,586
steely has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!steely has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!steely has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!steely has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!steely has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!steely has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!steely has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!steely has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!steely has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!steely has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!steely has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by toni View Post
REALLY? REALLY? REALLY?

Maybe FA's shouldn't marry thin chicks when they want super sized ones.

I would think that would be the best way to cope.
I never can rep when I want to but consider yourself repped!
steely is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-28-2010, 08:13 AM   #13
Jes
is oddly aroused
 
Jes's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2005
Posts: 12,553
Jes has ascended what used to be the highest level.Jes has ascended what used to be the highest level.Jes has ascended what used to be the highest level.Jes has ascended what used to be the highest level.Jes has ascended what used to be the highest level.Jes has ascended what used to be the highest level.Jes has ascended what used to be the highest level.Jes has ascended what used to be the highest level.Jes has ascended what used to be the highest level.Jes has ascended what used to be the highest level.Jes has ascended what used to be the highest level.
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Elfcat View Post
I mean really. You don't want to give up and walk away. You want to tell her, "This is me. This is the truth. What will you do, walk out on me and find, who exactly? Either a man who hates you when you're heavy, or someone who is just like me. What have you got to lose? Really, what HAVE you got to lose?"
Keep in mind that in the scenario the OP presents, he's the only one thinking about walking away. we don't know what his wife is thinking.
Jes is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-28-2010, 09:14 AM   #14
pallard99
 
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: Indiana
Posts: 11
pallard99 has said some nice things
Default follow up

So to clear up some questons .. I have not cheated. We've had issues with the relationship since day one (in my opinion). I really don't feel a lot of love coming from her. She has a hot temper and loves to argue. Over time I think I just developed a resentment towards her. It's hard to love someone if they make you angry most of the time. So yes, part of it is the relationship and the other is the fact that I don't like her losing weight. I think in my mind at least if I was attracted to her I can stay in the relationship. We have kids though and I won't leave. I guess I should work on the relationship and keep my FA attraction a fantasy. BTW, we have had marriage counseling and both agreed to work on things but it seems things go back to the way they were.
pallard99 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-28-2010, 09:27 AM   #15
exile in thighville
groups/347570880589/
 
exile in thighville's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2005
Posts: 3,993
exile in thighville keeps pushing the rep limit!exile in thighville keeps pushing the rep limit!exile in thighville keeps pushing the rep limit!exile in thighville keeps pushing the rep limit!exile in thighville keeps pushing the rep limit!exile in thighville keeps pushing the rep limit!exile in thighville keeps pushing the rep limit!exile in thighville keeps pushing the rep limit!exile in thighville keeps pushing the rep limit!exile in thighville keeps pushing the rep limit!exile in thighville keeps pushing the rep limit!
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by toni View Post
REALLY? REALLY? REALLY?

Maybe FA's shouldn't marry thin chicks when they want super sized ones.

I would think that would be the best way to cope.
i think he's figured that out by now

maybe he has 3 posts total and you're yelling in his ear
exile in thighville is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-28-2010, 09:29 AM   #16
exile in thighville
groups/347570880589/
 
exile in thighville's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2005
Posts: 3,993
exile in thighville keeps pushing the rep limit!exile in thighville keeps pushing the rep limit!exile in thighville keeps pushing the rep limit!exile in thighville keeps pushing the rep limit!exile in thighville keeps pushing the rep limit!exile in thighville keeps pushing the rep limit!exile in thighville keeps pushing the rep limit!exile in thighville keeps pushing the rep limit!exile in thighville keeps pushing the rep limit!exile in thighville keeps pushing the rep limit!exile in thighville keeps pushing the rep limit!
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by pallard99 View Post
So to clear up some questons .. I have not cheated. We've had issues with the relationship since day one (in my opinion). I really don't feel a lot of love coming from her. She has a hot temper and loves to argue. Over time I think I just developed a resentment towards her. It's hard to love someone if they make you angry most of the time.
i think this much is enough to warrant "irreconcilable differences" regardless of any FA shit
exile in thighville is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-28-2010, 09:31 AM   #17
exile in thighville
groups/347570880589/
 
exile in thighville's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2005
Posts: 3,993
exile in thighville keeps pushing the rep limit!exile in thighville keeps pushing the rep limit!exile in thighville keeps pushing the rep limit!exile in thighville keeps pushing the rep limit!exile in thighville keeps pushing the rep limit!exile in thighville keeps pushing the rep limit!exile in thighville keeps pushing the rep limit!exile in thighville keeps pushing the rep limit!exile in thighville keeps pushing the rep limit!exile in thighville keeps pushing the rep limit!exile in thighville keeps pushing the rep limit!
Default

if only gay men used support forums to get back at people who've been closeted their whole lives' amirite
exile in thighville is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-28-2010, 10:34 AM   #18
indy500tchr
I am here!
 
indy500tchr's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: Stuck in the corner
Posts: 1,580
indy500tchr has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!indy500tchr has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!indy500tchr has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!indy500tchr has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!indy500tchr has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!indy500tchr has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!indy500tchr has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!indy500tchr has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!indy500tchr has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!indy500tchr has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!indy500tchr has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by pallard99 View Post
So to clear up some questons .. I have not cheated. We've had issues with the relationship since day one (in my opinion). I really don't feel a lot of love coming from her. She has a hot temper and loves to argue. Over time I think I just developed a resentment towards her. It's hard to love someone if they make you angry most of the time. So yes, part of it is the relationship and the other is the fact that I don't like her losing weight. I think in my mind at least if I was attracted to her I can stay in the relationship. We have kids though and I won't leave. I guess I should work on the relationship and keep my FA attraction a fantasy. BTW, we have had marriage counseling and both agreed to work on things but it seems things go back to the way they were.
Then why did you marry her in the first place? Love has to be a two way street. She's not giving it to you and it sounds like you didn't even find her attractive in the first place since she isn't the body type you want so where was the love that lead to a marriage? Sounds like you both settled. That's just what I've gathered from your 3 posts.
__________________
"If nature had intended our skeletons to be visible it would have put them on the outside of our bodies." ~Elmer Rice

"Growing Old Is Mandatory. Growing Up Is Optional"

"BBWs aren't exactly built for speed. There's something luxurious about it." ~bdog
indy500tchr is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-28-2010, 11:00 AM   #19
Blockierer
FAntastic
 
Blockierer's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: Germany
Posts: 1,163
Blockierer keeps pushing the rep limit!Blockierer keeps pushing the rep limit!Blockierer keeps pushing the rep limit!Blockierer keeps pushing the rep limit!Blockierer keeps pushing the rep limit!Blockierer keeps pushing the rep limit!Blockierer keeps pushing the rep limit!Blockierer keeps pushing the rep limit!Blockierer keeps pushing the rep limit!Blockierer keeps pushing the rep limit!Blockierer keeps pushing the rep limit!
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by pallard99 View Post
. I have been a closet FA for all my life. .
What I guess is, you know exactly what your problem is.
Your problem is not your dieting wife, its you own thinking. What a bummer!
Blockierer is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-28-2010, 11:21 AM   #20
toni
In the know
 
toni's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: EWR
Posts: 2,962
toni has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!toni has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!toni has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!toni has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!toni has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!toni has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!toni has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!toni has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!toni has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!toni has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!toni has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by exile in thighville View Post
i think he's figured that out by now

maybe he has 3 posts total and you're yelling in his ear
Oh yeah, let me give him a hug.

Do you know the pain he is putting on his family? He doesn't want to be with his wife but because he was not man enough to be with a fat chick he lives a miserable life. After he married her and saw it was not right he could have left. Did he do that? Nope, he went on and had 3 kids with her.

Sorry, no sympathy here.
toni is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-28-2010, 11:25 AM   #21
toni
In the know
 
toni's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: EWR
Posts: 2,962
toni has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!toni has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!toni has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!toni has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!toni has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!toni has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!toni has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!toni has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!toni has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!toni has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!toni has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by exile in thighville View Post
if only gay men used support forums to get back at people who've been closeted their whole lives' amirite
NO one is getting back at him. He came here and asked for support on how to continue LIVING A LIE.
toni is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-28-2010, 12:56 PM   #22
pallard99
 
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: Indiana
Posts: 11
pallard99 has said some nice things
Default

I'm not exactly living a lie! She is my body type BTW! When I met her she was around 200lb at 5'5. Not a SSBBW but very cute chunky girl. Like I said before, I didn't marry her because of her weight but that certainly helped because that's what I find attractive. We also did get along when we met. She did have a hot temper though and I should have caught that. I know we need to work on the temper and how we get along. Why I'm on this board is to ask other FA's how they deal with being married to someone who no longer want's to keep the weight on. I know whe wants to lose at least 30-40lbs. It's hard with all the other trouble we have to see her lose. I know if I really cared for her it shouldn't matter. Finally, when I met my wife I wasn't aware of these forums or even had a computer! I wasn't aware there were other FA's like me out in the world! I can tell her a dozen times that I like her curvy and she will flat out tell me tough! She tells me it's her body and I can't tell her what to do (or eat). So it put's me in a bind! We met and she was curvy, later she no longer likes the weight and want to change. I havent changed though, I still like the curves! I guess I am just screwed.
pallard99 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-28-2010, 12:58 PM   #23
Miss Vickie
 
Join Date: Oct 2005
Posts: 5,988
Miss Vickie has ascended what used to be the highest level.Miss Vickie has ascended what used to be the highest level.Miss Vickie has ascended what used to be the highest level.Miss Vickie has ascended what used to be the highest level.Miss Vickie has ascended what used to be the highest level.Miss Vickie has ascended what used to be the highest level.Miss Vickie has ascended what used to be the highest level.Miss Vickie has ascended what used to be the highest level.Miss Vickie has ascended what used to be the highest level.Miss Vickie has ascended what used to be the highest level.Miss Vickie has ascended what used to be the highest level.
Default

Pallard, I think that any time we have an unhealthy, obsessive (your word, not mine) interest in our partner's behavior that causes us anxiety (again, your word, not mine), it's a good idea to seek professional help. This doesn't make you a bad person but clearly you have issues with her body which, coupled with her issues, cause problems in the marriage.

Marriage counseling is great, but if you weren't open about your feelings about her weight, then it's no wonder it "it didn't work". Plus, it's not a cure all. As you said, you stopped doing the skills you learned and it went back to how it was before. It takes a commitment from both people to make forever-changes in order to make it work. What I suspect happened is that you worked on some of the behavioral stuff in counseling but didn't look at the deeper issues, at least not deeply enough to effect change. And yeah, you gotta keep working on it. Marriage is tough, especially with kids.

As to your wife's temper could it be that she's angry about your obsession with her size/eating? Even if you just told her recently, people aren't stupid and if you live with someone, they're bound to pick up on things. If you're really so obsessed with what she eats, it's hard to hide that, you know? Body images are funny things, and the last thing she needs is you complicating hers by telling her what YOU want and getting mad about the changes SHE wants. It's her body, I'm sorry to say, and you expressing your opinion is probably not helping the situation.

My advice? As a non-FA but as a woman who has faced her own issues? Work on your own shit, figure out what you want, and don't impose your opinions about her body on her, unless she asks. If you love her, support her in coming to terms with her body because that will benefit you BOTH. And think about counseling together, but only if you can both be totally open and honest.

Good luck!
Miss Vickie is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-28-2010, 01:01 PM   #24
Seraphina
pudding
 
Seraphina's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: UK
Posts: 84
Seraphina can now be the recipient of "two cans" jokesSeraphina can now be the recipient of "two cans" jokesSeraphina can now be the recipient of "two cans" jokes
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by pallard99 View Post
She tells me it's her body and I can't tell her what to do (or eat). So it put's me in a bind! <snip> I guess I am just screwed.
Yup she's right, it's her body and you can't tell her what size to be or what to eat. So yeah you're in a bind and it's tough.

Have you tried supporting her to be what she wants instead of whining you aren't getting what you want? Maybe then she'd be more inclined to see your point of view because quite frankly I wouldn't want to compromise with a man who only cared about what he wanted from a relationship.
Seraphina is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-28-2010, 01:07 PM   #25
pallard99
 
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: Indiana
Posts: 11
pallard99 has said some nice things
Default

Yes, I agree with you. I am having issues with the marriage. I don't feel a lot of love and affection from her. I'm sure that plays into my anxiety when I see other BBW's. If I were totally happy then I would still notice other women but like you say move on.
pallard99 is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply

Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump


All times are GMT -7. The time now is 12:50 PM.

Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.8
Copyright ©2000 - 2017, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
Copyright Dimensions Magazine. All rights reserved worldwide.