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Old 02-28-2010, 01:15 PM   #26
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I have never tried supporting her in losing weight. I guess I feel that I would be living a lie! Maybe I should learn to keep my fantasy life seperate from my marriage! Never tried this. I need to do or try something! It's really hard living in a house with someone who you don't even want to talk to!
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Old 02-28-2010, 01:25 PM   #27
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You also need to look at it this way. Do you love her as a person or do you love her for her fat? When she loses weight she isn't losing her personality. It might actually make her happier which for your relationship would be a big positive. However, if you love her b/c of her fat. Well, that is just treating her like an object. Not a person at all. Love her for WHO she is not WHAT she is.
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Old 02-28-2010, 01:27 PM   #28
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I have never tried supporting her in losing weight. I guess I feel that I would be living a lie! Maybe I should learn to keep my fantasy life seperate from my marriage! Never tried this. I need to do or try something! It's really hard living in a house with someone who you don't even want to talk to!
What part of being an FA is fantasy? BBW's and SSBBW's are not mythical creatures we are real people with real feelings.


Also this is just out of pure curiosity....why do you have this same exact thread in multiple places?
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Old 02-28-2010, 01:32 PM   #29
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Maybe I should learn to keep my fantasy life seperate from my marriage! Never tried this. I need to do or try something! It's really hard living in a house with someone who you don't even want to talk to!

Dude, you need to leave her. I am saying that very sincerely. All fat stuff aside, you are not happy. If you don't want to talk to someone that you live with, it is time to pack it up.


My thoughts on your other issue:
Your fantasy and your marriage should be one. If she can't be the size you want her to be there are many ways to get around that. You can set up play feedings, she can join a paysite with you, talk up your fantasies. All that could be enough to keep your needs met. If she is not willing to do it, please see above paragraph.
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Old 02-28-2010, 01:53 PM   #30
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I noticed after I posted this I should have done it in the FA board not the Main board. My wife has told me time and time again she doesn't understand the attaction to bigger women. I've tried to explain it and she says I am lying. She thinks I want her to gain weight to hurt her and make her miserable. I just can't get her to understand.
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Old 02-28-2010, 02:01 PM   #31
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I noticed after I posted this I should have done it in the FA board not the Main board. My wife has told me time and time again she doesn't understand the attaction to bigger women. I've tried to explain it and she says I am lying. She thinks I want her to gain weight to hurt her and make her miserable. I just can't get her to understand.
So she doesn't understand why you are attracted to her....your wife? I thought that was part of the deal when you marry somebody. You are supposed to be attracted to one another.

Sounds like she has some major trust issues with you too. Not something that is part of a healthy marriage either.

Did you tell her you were an FA or did you tell her you were a Feeder?
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Old 02-28-2010, 02:06 PM   #32
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She thinks I want her to gain weight to hurt her and make her miserable. I just can't get her to understand.
This sounds like it is about an awful lot more than her weight. If you were in a happy relationship she certainly wouldn't think you were trying to hurt her by wanting her to gain (or not to lose) weight. She might say she didn't want to or that she thought it strange - which would be her perogative - but she wouldn't think that it was you deliberately being hurtful.

You obviously have some very serious issues in your marriage, perhaps you need to fix those before you even deal with the weight stuff, because for lots of women comfort with their weight - whatever it is - is about trust and clearly your wife doesn't trust you.

Seriously think about relationship counselling, not because you want her to be fat but because without it you are not going to have a marriage, and I am assuming that you love her enough to want to be her husband whether she is fat or thin - if you don't then I suggest you see a lawyer.
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Old 02-28-2010, 02:09 PM   #33
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HER body. If she wants to lose weight, that is her right. And what's more, she has EVERY right to have her body be the size that she wants it to be... and you have no say over it.

I would say to you the very same thing I've said to men who whine "my wife has gained 50 lbs since we married, and I just don't get turned on by her anymore...." WAHHHHH FUCKING WAHHHHH. It's not ABOUT you. What ever happened to loving the person through good times and bad, sickness and health? Loving the PERSON she is should be the important thing, not the size/shape of the skin she is in.

And honestly.. if you can't find it in you to be attracted to her based on her weight loss, by all means leave her so she can heal and find someone who will love her for who she is rather than what he wants her to be.
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Old 02-28-2010, 03:13 PM   #34
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The only way I know of to keep a marriage going is to focus on your partner instead of yourself. This is totally contrary to human nature, of course, but I promise you that it works. Instead of asking whether you are fulfilled, ask yourself what you can do to make your wife feel fulfilled. Don't just tell her you love her (although you should do this often -- every day isn't too much), show her! And show the kids that you love her! What can you do? Well...you could send her flowers sometimes, for no reason. When the two of you are alone in an elevator, you could grab her and kiss her. You could hold her hand when you're at the supermarket. But I'm sure you can think of a lot of other things even better than this. The point is, the more you think about her, the happier she'll be; and the less you think about you, the happier you'll be. I don't know why it works that way, but it does: my wife and I have been married 27 years, and the honeymoon isn't over yet.
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Old 02-28-2010, 03:15 PM   #35
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HER body. If she wants to lose weight, that is her right. And what's more, she has EVERY right to have her body be the size that she wants it to be... and you have no say over it.

I would say to you the very same thing I've said to men who whine "my wife has gained 50 lbs since we married, and I just don't get turned on by her anymore...." WAHHHHH FUCKING WAHHHHH. It's not ABOUT you. What ever happened to loving the person through good times and bad, sickness and health? Loving the PERSON she is should be the important thing, not the size/shape of the skin she is in.

And honestly.. if you can't find it in you to be attracted to her based on her weight loss, by all means leave her so she can heal and find someone who will love her for who she is rather than what he wants her to be.
You said it much better than I did...Thank you!
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Old 02-28-2010, 03:35 PM   #36
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Just wondering if the OP knows the real reasons why his wife diets my wife used to keep dieting. She was about 250lbs when married and she repeatedly gained and lost up to about 50lbs over the years (30 in all). I always assumed she dieted because she wanted to be healthy and attractive (although Id always let her know how attractive she was when she gained and when she lost). Like you, I was not happy at the beginning of each diet phase, but each time realised Id rather have her around than dead.
So knowing she was healthy (can count the number of Dr visits on two hands over the 30 years ) about ten years ago I actually asked her what was the reason for the diets the reply was not one I expected - It was because she wanted to be cremated and the crematoriums could not handle anyone over 280 lbs so she dieted to keep under that weight. At least I knew why, even if I was totally dumfounded, but dually accepted this.

Sorry this is so long winded but I just wondered if the OPs wife had similar objectives for her dieting. When my wife died 3 years ago she was 260 lbs so she was able to be cremated which satisfied her aim, the sad thing was that her death was not even weight related.
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Old 02-28-2010, 04:54 PM   #37
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Oh yeah, let me give him a hug.

Do you know the pain he is putting on his family? He doesn't want to be with his wife but because he was not man enough to be with a fat chick he lives a miserable life. After he married her and saw it was not right he could have left. Did he do that? Nope, he went on and had 3 kids with her.

Sorry, no sympathy here.
i'm sure he had three kids with her out of total malice too, just to sweeten the pot after she dared to slim down on him so his departure could fuck her over that much extra
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Old 02-28-2010, 05:44 PM   #38
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i'm sure he had three kids with her out of total malice too, just to sweeten the pot after she dared to slim down on him so his departure could fuck her over that much extra
I don't care why he did it, he still did it. There is a lot of potential to cause hurt because of his selfishness. I save my sympathy for better causes.

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Old 02-28-2010, 06:28 PM   #39
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My wife diets because she says its for her health. I dont think she likes getting to 240lbs either because she doesnt like the way she feels. If I could learn to shut up and just let her do what she wants, she would probably just put the weight back on anyway! It's hard to just stand by and see it happen. I think I've come to the conclusion that this is probably going to repeat itself over and over for our entire marriage and I need to just accept the cycle. I think we need to work on being more affectionate towards each other and maybe I wont make the appearance thing so important. I think sometimes because I dont feel the affection from her I focus more on her looks.
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Old 02-28-2010, 07:15 PM   #40
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My wife diets because she says its for her health. I dont think she likes getting to 240lbs either because she doesnt like the way she feels. If I could learn to shut up and just let her do what she wants, she would probably just put the weight back on anyway! It's hard to just stand by and see it happen. I think I've come to the conclusion that this is probably going to repeat itself over and over for our entire marriage and I need to just accept the cycle. I think we need to work on being more affectionate towards each other and maybe I wont make the appearance thing so important. I think sometimes because I dont feel the affection from her I focus more on her looks.
So you would rather see her fat and possibly unhealthy rather than want her to be a healthy person for both herself and your three children? And on top of it secretly hope that if she does diet that she will just get fatter because that is what YOU want? That is extremely selfish of you.

Why can't you support your wife in wanting to be the best person she wants to be? I am sure if you wanted to do something to better yourself she would support it.
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Old 02-28-2010, 07:17 PM   #41
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The only way I know of to keep a marriage going is to focus on your partner instead of yourself. This is totally contrary to human nature, of course, but I promise you that it works. Instead of asking whether you are fulfilled, ask yourself what you can do to make your wife feel fulfilled. Don't just tell her you love her (although you should do this often -- every day isn't too much), show her! And show the kids that you love her! What can you do? Well...you could send her flowers sometimes, for no reason. When the two of you are alone in an elevator, you could grab her and kiss her. You could hold her hand when you're at the supermarket. But I'm sure you can think of a lot of other things even better than this. The point is, the more you think about her, the happier she'll be; and the less you think about you, the happier you'll be. I don't know why it works that way, but it does: my wife and I have been married 27 years, and the honeymoon isn't over yet.
Please listen to what this wonderful man just said!
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Old 02-28-2010, 07:47 PM   #42
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Pallard99 how big was your wife when you married?

and you do realize that looks do change over time.
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Old 02-28-2010, 09:26 PM   #43
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I don't care why he did it, he still did it. There is a lot of potential to cause hurt because of his selfishness. I save my sympathy for better causes.
his selfishness in marrying someone he loved for reasons besides physical attraction?
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Old 02-28-2010, 10:06 PM   #44
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his selfishness in marrying someone he loved for reasons besides physical attraction?
He said he he has been a closeted FA his whole life. He knew he was not that into her but married her anyway. He knew she was not what he wanted but stayed anyway. NOW HE IS MISERABLE. What don't you get?
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Old 03-01-2010, 07:22 AM   #45
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the relish in gutting him further. he knows he's fucked.
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Old 03-01-2010, 07:33 AM   #46
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What part of being an FA is fantasy? BBW's and SSBBW's are not mythical creatures we are real people with real feelings.

?
Well that's exactly right. We're real people with real good and bad days and we're just as likely to not be interested in you as we are to be interested in you. Or to yell at you for leaving socks on the floor. Or to never refill the ice tray. Or to have a terrible temper. Or to have an overbearing mother that we talk to on the phone at least 4 times a day. Or to make fun of you when you're down. Or to NOT do any of those things. KNow what I mean? Being fat and attractive to you doesn't ever guarantee we'd be a better match than your current partner.

There have been a lot of FAs whose posts have read: The perfect woman for me is 400 lbs! Or I saw a perfect woman today at the mall and I wish I could be her boyfriend! Uh... yeah maybe, 'til you realize she's like everyone else and not a good match for you, or whatever it is. Keep that in mind. The fat isn't always greener on the other side. (Or the grass isn't always fatter...which one works better? )
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Old 03-01-2010, 08:03 AM   #47
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I know I've taken a beating posting this but I think I got some great advice! I don't think leaving the relationship is the best answer. After talking with each other last night I think we both realized we are not showing affection towards each other at all. Over time, you just grow distant and feel unloved. At least for me that is what happened. On top of not showing affection, the constant complaining and temper towards me really topped it off! After a while you just become roommates raising kids together and barely getting along. This is why I am always looking to leave or looking at other BBW's in public. Like you say, thinking that the grass is greener with someone else. The grass might be greener for a short period with someone new but I would leave a trail of disaster for my wife and kids! Seems very selfish. I know it is also selfish to want her to keep gaining and being unhappy. This is something that I know I need to work on. To be honest, it also doesn't help looking at all the BBW and SSBBW sites on the internet! This just leads me to want someone like that! I need to love who I have and learn to treat her better. I don't think it will happen overnight but I am going to try.
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Old 03-01-2010, 08:09 AM   #48
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Originally Posted by pallard99 View Post
I need to love who I have and learn to treat her better. I don't think it will happen overnight but I am going to try.
Yup that is sure true.

Just be kind to each other and really consider relationship counselling, believe me it is really, really good.

good luck
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Old 03-01-2010, 09:15 AM   #49
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toni has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!toni has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!toni has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!toni has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!toni has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!toni has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!toni has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!toni has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!toni has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!toni has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!toni has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!
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Originally Posted by pallard99 View Post
I know I've taken a beating posting this but I think I got some great advice! I don't think leaving the relationship is the best answer. After talking with each other last night I think we both realized we are not showing affection towards each other at all. Over time, you just grow distant and feel unloved. At least for me that is what happened. On top of not showing affection, the constant complaining and temper towards me really topped it off! After a while you just become roommates raising kids together and barely getting along. This is why I am always looking to leave or looking at other BBW's in public. Like you say, thinking that the grass is greener with someone else. The grass might be greener for a short period with someone new but I would leave a trail of disaster for my wife and kids! Seems very selfish. I know it is also selfish to want her to keep gaining and being unhappy. This is something that I know I need to work on. To be honest, it also doesn't help looking at all the BBW and SSBBW sites on the internet! This just leads me to want someone like that! I need to love who I have and learn to treat her better. I don't think it will happen overnight but I am going to try.
Good luck with that...
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Old 03-01-2010, 12:42 PM   #50
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I understand that this is a protected forum:

"This forum is intended to be serious and civil, dedicated to helping male and female FAs with real life issues. In general, the hope is that discussion is kept free flowing, mutually supportive and positive."
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