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Old 03-06-2010, 12:33 PM   #1
kamandi
 
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Default Story: "Infatuation" (part 1)

Hello,

I've written the first part of a story which I posted a few days ago in "Library: Recent Additions", and I was wondering what people thought of it, as I haven't had any responses yet. I have posted this question here due to the gay relationship therein.

Thanks,
kamandi
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Old 03-07-2010, 09:29 PM   #2
VVET
 
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Default Where?

I tried to locate it without success. Where exactly is it?
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Old 03-07-2010, 10:45 PM   #3
kamandi
 
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It's in "Recent Additions" - as other stories have been posted and replies have been made, "Infatuation" is now a little further down the page.
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Old 03-07-2010, 11:01 PM   #4
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Default Lost story

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Last edited by VVET; 03-07-2010 at 11:16 PM.
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Old 03-08-2010, 02:21 PM   #5
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Yes, thanks for that.

The story is at: http://www.dimensionsmagazine.com/fo...ad.php?t=70339

Is anyone able to provide something a little more contstructive, as I'll be writing part 2 at the weekend, and I would like to know what works, and what does not.
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Old 03-13-2010, 11:22 AM   #6
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Quote:
Originally Posted by kamandi View Post
Yes, thanks for that.

The story is at: http://www.dimensionsmagazine.com/fo...ad.php?t=70339

Is anyone able to provide something a little more contstructive, as I'll be writing part 2 at the weekend, and I would like to know what works, and what does not.
The transitions are a bit vague, and the narration gets a bit choppy in places. That said, BHM to BHM romance is among my very favorite story subjects and the writing is evocative. Nice! Looking foreward to the next bit!
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