BBW Bash Etiquette Rules

[phoenix92901]

Originally Posted by LisaInNC

Wait wait wait...I talk to everyone, and the "nice" guys will run you over mid conversation to get to a webmodel. So, its not fair to say that no ones talks to the "nice" guys when the "nice" guys could careless to talk to someone who doesnt take her clothes off for the general public. (This is NOT a derogatory statement towards webmodels)

Lisa, who wouldn't want to talk to you? I'm only sorry we didn't get to talk more over the weekend. You're an absolute delight or should I say an absolute pisser? Either way, you're fun!

[fatgirlflyin]

Originally Posted by wrestlingguy

3. Lots of new guys attended our last event. Ladies, you have an opportunity to shape how these guys act going forward. I realize there's no obligation to "help" them along their FA path, but if you choose not to, don't come complaining to me when they turn into asshats later on.

I agree with the majority of your post, but this I disagree with. I disagree that it is our responsibility to teach men (FA's) how to behave, that responsibility lies with their parents. Thin women aren't told that going to the club serves as an opportunity to teach the men who find them attractive how to behave, so why should that rule apply to fat women?

[Littleghost]

Originally Posted by fatgirlflyin

I agree with the majority of your post, but this I disagree with. I disagree that it is our responsibility to teach men (FA's) how to behave, that responsibility lies with their parents. Thin women aren't told that going to the club serves as an opportunity to teach the men who find them attractive how to behave, so why should that rule apply to fat women?

He said opportunity, not responsibility. And it's a good point to some degree, but I doubt it will play out very well. Some guys (or people) won't wise up until it's knocked into them and will just move on if they encounter resistance. Then again, I can be a bit cynical.

[wrestlingguy]

Originally Posted by fatgirlflyin

I agree with the majority of your post, but this I disagree with. I disagree that it is our responsibility to teach men (FA's) how to behave, that responsibility lies with their parents. Thin women aren't told that going to the club serves as an opportunity to teach the men who find them attractive how to behave, so why should that rule apply to fat women?

no one has a responsibility to do ANYTHING to help another person improve themselves in life, although it would be a better world if we did (and that means I agree with you, Ginny)

My other point is not that you hold someone by the hand and coddle them. Quite the contrary. I think dropping an anvil on a guy's dick is a perfect way to move him along his path a bit quicker. Too many guys get away with too much, because some poor simp of a BBW is even appreciative of "asshole attention" as being better than no attention.

To me, that seems like the solution, that is, to make sure these guys know they are creeps. Also, to me, if you aren't part of the solution, you're part of the problem, so I don't hear your complaints when you ask for my help.

Case in point. Several events ago, minor web model gets her trip to the NJ Bash paid for by some random FA creep. She accepts, knowing full well what a creep he is, but wants to come to the bash. Now, random FA creep assumes he's gonna have a happy ending at some point over the bash weekend, but minor web model doesn't share that concept, since after all, the guy is a creep.

So, the morning after the pool party, the minor web model comes looking to me for help, and while I feel bad about the situation, I do nothing, because I have no empathy for a person who would accept something like that from a creep. Take it one step further.....let's say she "accomodated" the guy over the weekend. Now FA creep begins to think it's okay to do shit like this, and paints a broad strike with his creep brush over the BBW community. He's not discouraged by the hundreds who turn him down, he's ENCOURAGED by the few who are receptive to the creep offer.

The hammer has to hit hard for this random FA dude to realize what a creep he is. I used to run Carla's MySpace and Yahoo pages, and I'd respond back to guys in kind, depending on what they said to her/me. If they were extra descriptive, I would write back as Carla, asking them if they talked in front of their mothers that way, or what would they do if they heard someone talking to their mom like that. Some guys would apologize and move on.

And that's my point. You don't have to be their therapist. You don't have to do anything except tell them when they're doing or saying something that oversteps the boundaries you set. I did it as Asshley, so I'm struggling to understand why there is resistance to this concept.

[fatgirlflyin]

You're right he said opportunity. I go out to clubs both fat and non fat, and when I'm there I am just looking to have a good time drinking and dancing with my friends. While I may have an opportuity to teach the guy who's trolling or can't take no for an answer that its not cool to do those things, why should I?
That's not what I am there for so why should I ruin my good time to educate some stranger? I won't and don't feel anyone else should have to either. If a man comes up to me and behaves like an ass I'm going to complain about it, I have every right to. If the club owner or promoter then tells me he doesn't want to hear it because I didn't take the opportunity to educate poor little misunderstood Joe, well that's not a club I would go back to.

Originally Posted by Littleghost

He said opportunity, not responsibility. And it's a good point to some degree, but I doubt it will play out very well. Some guys (or people) won't wise up until it's knocked into them and will just move on if they encounter resistance. Then again, I can be a bit cynical.

[AnnMarie]

Originally Posted by BigBeautifulMe

And Lisa, I'd have to agree with what Toni quoted above. That's happened to me more than once. Doesn't matter how pretty you are, if you don't have a site, forget it. Of course, on the flip side, it must be frustrating being a paysite model and not being able to just relax and enjoy yourself with your friends without 80,000 guys coming up to you and hitting on you solely because they like the person you *seem to be* on your paysite.

I don't want to derail this, but the other very tangible side to being doing any modeling is that more often than not guys are way to intimidated to come and even say hello to you - so honestly, it's a grass is always greener issue.

[Littleghost]

Originally Posted by fatgirlflyin

You're right he said opportunity. I go out to clubs both fat and non fat, and when I'm there I am just looking to have a good time drinking and dancing with my friends. While I may have an opportuity to teach the guy who's trolling or can't take no for an answer that its not cool to do those things, why should I?
That's not what I am there for so why should I ruin my good time to educate some stranger? I won't and don't feel anyone else should have to either. If a man comes up to me and behaves like an ass I'm going to complain about it, I have every right to. If the club owner or promoter then tells me he doesn't want to hear it because I didn't take the opportunity to educate poor little misunderstood Joe, well that's not a club I would go back to.

You shouldn't have to, that's the point. But because it's a bit of a different environment than a regular club, it's going to be constant issue especially if people don't do anything about it. To put it in a rough analogy, sure it's not your trash in the park and other people get paid to pick it up, but if people don't do anything when they see someone littering, it's not going to be a great place to hang around much. I dunno.

[superodalisque]

if you are actually looking for a relationahip never hook up at a bash. its an unreal situation. reality happens at your house.

[wrestlingguy]

Originally Posted by superodalisque

if you are actually looking for a relationahip never hook up at a bash. its an unreal situation. reality happens at your house.

True, but I also am aware of people talking prior to a BBW event, and agreeing to meet there. To me, that's what "hooking up" means. If you just mean sex, I think both people have to have clear expectations of what the sex involves, and be willing to share with each other.

So, if people talk first, then agree to meet at a bash, why would that be an unreal situation? For me, that would be an excellent test of how they would behave in a relationship.

Here's a good example. Someone I know agreed to meet a guy at one of our events. She knew he was married, but blew that off as unimportant, since he was married to a small woman. They liked each other enough to get together.

So he gets there, and now he's like a fisherman casting his reel in the most stocked lake he's ever seen. She got hurt as a result, but saved herself the agony of being involved with a scrotum like this guy by seeing how he views women in this community. A good guy would have been by her side the entire weekend, not disappearing for hours at a clip.

In your model, Felicia, one wouldn't have been able to see that this guy was a dog until they had already gotten involved. By then the emotional investment would cause more harm than necessary.

[exile in thighville]

Originally Posted by superodalisque

if you are actually looking for a relationahip never hook up at a bash.

depends what you mean by looking. i'd say bash-goers should look to make what i'll call "good romantic acquaintances".

hooked up at a bash. then we went to another bash together. then we started taking trips to see each other. we were not exclusive. eventually it became apparent that we were the most stable and consistently enjoyable relationship in each other's lives. we were more than familiar with the route to visit each other and the cost, how long it takes, how often and when to arrange it. then we went to another bash and i asked her out formally. next month we celebrate our one-year.

[mossystate]

Originally Posted by wrestlingguy

She got hurt as a result, but saved herself the agony of being involved with a scrotum like this guy by seeing how he views women in this community. A good guy would have been by her side the entire weekend, not disappearing for hours at a clip.

That is a perfectly horrible example. The situation was clear from the get-go. The guy had already cast his net. He was hoping to bag a fat woman, and then he saw the stocked lake. She knew and had no room to whine. They sound like a perfect match. Bad example.

[lovely_plumper]

Originally Posted by Ruby Ripples

Ive never been to a bash yet even I know that some of the married women are swingers, and have sex with other guys at the bashes. Same goes for men too Im sure.

yeah so very true! and some couples make the decisions together to swing probably just for that one night!

not assuming is a good thing to do, I have known not to do that since I was a kid and it's always been good.

something I would like to add...

ASK someone if they would like to dance, don't just ASSUME that if someone is dancing alone or just with friends that they want you joining in. Now that doesn't mean they wouldn't want you joining but be respectful and ask.

[exile in thighville]

i think that's what he said

[mossystate]

So, if people talk first, then agree to meet at a bash, why would that be an unreal situation? For me, that would be an excellent test of how they would behave in a relationship.

This does not fit with the example. The people in the example were already in an ' unreal ' situation. Him being married told her what kind of ' relationship ' they had/would have. He is a scrotum, and who the fuck cares that she got ' hurt '. Now, those who go to bashes and are not assholes going in...those are the people who could be given a good wake-up call.

[MisticalMisty]

Originally Posted by wrestlingguy

True, but I also am aware of people talking prior to a BBW event, and agreeing to meet there. To me, that's what "hooking up" means. If you just mean sex, I think both people have to have clear expectations of what the sex involves, and be willing to share with each other.

So, if people talk first, then agree to meet at a bash, why would that be an unreal situation? For me, that would be an excellent test of how they would behave in a relationship.

Here's a good example. Someone I know agreed to meet a guy at one of our events. She knew he was married, but blew that off as unimportant, since he was married to a small woman. They liked each other enough to get together.

So he gets there, and now he's like a fisherman casting his reel in the most stocked lake he's ever seen. She got hurt as a result, but saved herself the agony of being involved with a scrotum like this guy by seeing how he views women in this community. A good guy would have been by her side the entire weekend, not disappearing for hours at a clip.

In your model, Felicia, one wouldn't have been able to see that this guy was a dog until they had already gotten involved. By then the emotional investment would cause more harm than necessary.

If he were a good guy, he would have been at home with his wife..

Maybe it was a bit of karma for her...I'm sure if the shoe were on the other foot, she'd like to be able to trust her husband not to go fuck some stranger.

[Tau]

I don't understand people who get upset when they hook up with married men. He's cheating on his wife so that means he's so gona cheat on you.

Also chicks who bitch and moan when a dude spends money on them and then expects all access in return?? The fact that most men are like this irritates the living crap out of me but come on!! We all know this! This is why I hardly ever accept drinks from men in clubs unless they are somebody I don't mind following me around the club for the rest of the night; and never let a guy pay for accomodation, travel etc unless we have agreed upfront that he's not getting any and he's just doing this out of the goodness of his heart - or I actually want to do him. Seems really simple to me - I'm not sure I understand where the misunderstanding comes from.

[fatgirlflyin]

Originally Posted by superodalisque

if you are actually looking for a relationahip never hook up at a bash. its an unreal situation. reality happens at your house.

I met D at an event, I wasn't looking for a relationship but it found me. We've been togethere 8 years now. I wouldn't suggest for anyone to go to a bbw event to find a mate, but then I wouldn't suggest a skinny girl go to a bar to find a boyfriend either.

[fatgirlflyin]

Originally Posted by Tau

I don't understand people who get upset when they hook up with married men. He's cheating on his wife so that means he's so gona cheat on you.

Also chicks who bitch and moan when a dude spends money on them and then expects all access in return?? The fact that most men are like this irritates the living crap out of me but come on!! We all know this! This is why I hardly ever accept drinks from men in clubs unless they are somebody I don't mind following me around the club for the rest of the night; and never let a guy pay for accomodation, travel etc unless we have agreed upfront that he's not getting any and he's just doing this out of the goodness of his heart - or I actually want to do him. Seems really simple to me - I'm not sure I understand where the misunderstanding comes from.

Agreed, I have seen women in the chat room and even on the boards hint around or even blatantly ask for men to pay their way to these events and it pretty much disgusts me. How can someone seriously be so stupid as to think these men aren't going to expect something in return. What makes me sad is to think that they are going to continue to take money like this and eventually are going to find a man who won't take no for an answer. What then?

[fatgirlflyin]

Originally Posted by Littleghost

You shouldn't have to, that's the point. But because it's a bit of a different environment than a regular club, it's going to be constant issue especially if people don't do anything about it. To put it in a rough analogy, sure it's not your trash in the park and other people get paid to pick it up, but if people don't do anything when they see someone littering, it's not going to be a great place to hang around much. I dunno.

I'm all for keeping the park clean, truly, and when I come in contact with trash I will certainly pick it up and throw it away. Are you suggesting though, that when I see garbage all the way on the other side of the park that I should go over there and get rid of it too? That's not my job, but it IS the job of the park staff, to keep the park a safe and enjoyable environment for all the people that PAY to enter it.

[OneWickedAngel]

Originally Posted by fatgirlflyin

Agreed, I have seen women in the chat room and even on the boards hint around or even blatantly ask for men to pay their way to these events and it pretty much disgusts me. How can someone seriously be so stupid as to think these men aren't going to expect something in return. What makes me sad is to think that they are going to continue to take money like this and eventually are going to find a man who won't take no for an answer. What then?

I get the point you're trying to make FGF, I really do, but do you realize have just subconsciously (or perhaps with intent) declared if said woman is hurt, no let's not sugar coat it, if she is raped as a consequence of her actions "she brought it on herself"?

[TraciJo67]

Originally Posted by Tau

I don't understand people who get upset when they hook up with married men. He's cheating on his wife so that means he's so gona cheat on you.

Also chicks who bitch and moan when a dude spends money on them and then expects all access in return?? The fact that most men are like this irritates the living crap out of me but come on!! We all know this! This is why I hardly ever accept drinks from men in clubs unless they are somebody I don't mind following me around the club for the rest of the night; and never let a guy pay for accomodation, travel etc unless we have agreed upfront that he's not getting any and he's just doing this out of the goodness of his heart - or I actually want to do him. Seems really simple to me - I'm not sure I understand where the misunderstanding comes from.

I liked the part about how she felt that this was a quibbling detail since the wife is small. Or the part about how she got hurt but at least learned her lesson because she got to see what sort he really was at the bash. Hello? The wake-up call should have been "he's married and yet willing to hook up with me" not "well gee whiz, we're at this bash together and now he won't give me the time of day."

I don't know who Phil is referring to here ... I hope that it's a rhetorical situation. If not, I'm not sure what I'm more disgusted with ... the closet fatty lover or the woman who thinks so little of herself that she'd offer herself wholesale to a married creeper.

[Littleghost]

Originally Posted by fatgirlflyin

I'm all for keeping the park clean, truly, and when I come in contact with trash I will certainly pick it up and throw it away. Are you suggesting though, that when I see garbage all the way on the other side of the park that I should go over there and get rid of it too? That's not my job, but it IS the job of the park staff, to keep the park a safe and enjoyable environment for all the people that PAY to enter it.

No, I'm pretty sure we agree on all the important points, it just got turned around.
Don't forget to feed the ducks, though, it's fun and free!

[fatgirlflyin]

Originally Posted by OneWickedAngel

I get the point you're trying to make FGF, I really do, but do you realize have just subconsciously (or perhaps with intent) declared if said woman is hurt, no let's not sugar coat it, if she is raped as a consequence of her actions "she brought it on herself"?

No that isn't what I'm saying at all, I said that eventually she was going to come across someone who wouldn't take no for an answer.

That is not saying, not even close to saying that she would deserve to be raped.

[MisticalMisty]

Originally Posted by fatgirlflyin

No that isn't what I'm saying at all, I said that eventually she was going to come across someone who wouldn't take no for an answer.

That is not saying, not even close to saying that she would deserve to be raped.

I knew that's not what you meant as well. I didn't feel that it was implied either.

I think it comes down to being smart about what you're doing with yourself and only you can keep yourself safe. *general you of course*

[BigBeautifulMe]

Originally Posted by fatgirlflyin

No that isn't what I'm saying at all, I said that eventually she was going to come across someone who wouldn't take no for an answer.

That is not saying, not even close to saying that she would deserve to be raped.

So if you didn't mean that, what does 'not taking no for an answer' mean? You know I like you, FGF, but I have to say that's how I read it, too.