Relationship Advice

patmcf · 05-02-2010, 12:08 PM

Hello everyone,

In the past two years I have become very close with a female friend of mine. She is beautiful, intelligent, funny and the lot. One might say that I am in love with her and I am certain the feeling is mutual. Dating her would be ideal except for one very important thing - I cannot get over the fact that she is skinny and I am almost exclusively interested in bigger women. I am willing to take any criticism for this, as it is rather shallow. I have found an ideal woman and yet I am unable to overlook the physical. Nevertheless, I have been down this road before. Up until a few years ago I have only ever been with skinny girls and this has left me extremely dissatisfied sexually. Even though I have had excellent connections with past girlfriends it inevitably comes down to the fact that I wish they were bigger. Would I be an idiot to date this girl?

Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

AnnMarie · 05-02-2010, 12:16 PM

I think it would be very hard, if not impossible, for a 'regular' ol' guy to overlook that I'm 400lbs, even if he found me amazing in all other ways. So, conversely, I don't think it's unreasonable to assume that's a huge leap for a man who prefers much larger women.

I think it's great that she's an amazing person, and I hope that if you DO choose to pursue something with her that she's perfectly clear on your general physical preferences so that you're both going in realizing the obstacles, choosing to take the risk.

If you get involved in this relationship without her knowing that you're struggling with the physical issues, it's unfair to her - she needs to be able to make that choice for herself.

I would never knowingly date a man who didn't find me physically attractive, on top of all the other things I'd hope we share emotionally/personality wise.

If you really like, appreciate, and respect this woman you won't head down a path that embroils her in your issues with her body - you'll sort it out one way or another before engaging her otherwise.

Good luck, and I hope if nothing else this shows you that you can have that type of connection with someone.

patmcf · 05-02-2010, 12:19 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by AnnMarie

Good luck, and I hope if nothing else this shows you that you can have that type of connection with someone.

I think that is the best thing you could have said to me. I have never looked at it in such an optimistic light and I want to thank you so much for saying that.

joswitch · 05-02-2010, 01:04 PM

.........................

Fat Brian · 05-02-2010, 03:01 PM

Ann Marie nailed it, there really isn't anything else to say. You say the feeling is mutual, maybe you should lay all your cards on the table. That way at least she will know why you aren't pursuing a further relationship so she doesn't miss out on someone else waiting on you.

SparklingBBW · 05-02-2010, 07:47 PM

You seem like a very caring person and I'm glad you having loving feelings for this woman. I have to ask though and sorry for the crude way I'm putting this, but does she make your dick hard? Are you sexually attracted to her? Sex is also an important part of a love relationship and if you two don't have it "goin on" then the relationship is doomed. There are two sides to this coin: On the one side, there is NOTHING like sexually being with someone who lusts after your body. {You don't want to deny her having that kind of experience with someone else if she's with you}.

Conversely, being with someone who is only marginally sexually attracted to you even though at first maybe the first blush/excitement of the relationship keeps things hot, but as they cool down and what you really want is something that isn't your partner, it's difficult to maintain that facade without damaging the ego/self esteem of the person who isn't your true sexual match.

I know from personal experience (spent way too long with a man who wasn't a true FA and who also wasn't a true heterosexual). We were great friends, very affectionate, he was a great guy in all other ways, but he never really desired me the way he should have and the relationship and my sexual self-esteem died a long and tortuous death in the process.

Think long and hard before you lay it all out there with her.

.

patmcf · 05-02-2010, 08:14 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by SparklingBBW

You seem like a very caring person and I'm glad you having loving feelings for this woman. I have to ask though and sorry for the crude way I'm putting this, but does she make your dick hard? Are you sexually attracted to her? Sex is also an important part of a love relationship and if you two don't have it "goin on" then the relationship is doomed. There are two sides to this coin: On the one side, there is NOTHING like sexually being with someone who lusts after your body. {You don't want to deny her having that kind of experience with someone else if she's with you}.

Conversely, being with someone who is only marginally sexually attracted to you even though at first maybe the first blush/excitement of the relationship keeps things hot, but as they cool down and what you really want is something that isn't your partner, it's difficult to maintain that facade without damaging the ego/self esteem of the person who isn't your true sexual match.

I know from personal experience (spent way too long with a man who wasn't a true FA and who also wasn't a true heterosexual). We were great friends, very affectionate, he was a great guy in all other ways, but he never really desired me the way he should have and the relationship and my sexual self-esteem died a long and tortuous death in the process.

Think long and hard before you lay it all out there with her.

.

Haha, I like how frank you are and it needed to be said. To be perfectly honest this girl would not get me off as much as a BBW would. What I get from your point is that sexual attraction is not everything, but is still crucial in a relationship. For this reason I am starting to think that being together would not be fair to her or myself. It sucks, but I guess it is how it has to be.

truebebeblue · 05-02-2010, 08:49 PM

It's the same thing most fat women deal with at least once.
I will have men get infatuated with me love my personality and then that big
BUT (hahano pun) pops up. Happens to me notoriously and attempting a relationship with someone like this SUCKS... either he tells you straight away he is struggling with it and your self esteem pays or later when it eventually comes to the surface and you feel like an idiot for trying to be all sexy and flirty.
Just don't do it. I would be honest with her and who knows maybe her metabolism will slow down as she gets older just don't go in assuming it will because we see quite a few men around here wishing their wives would gain and fapping to paysites.

True

CastingPearls · 05-02-2010, 08:54 PM

Personal experience. All True. All good advice. Deny your heart's desire (a BBW) and you'll deny and lose your self. You have to be true to you or it will tear you apart.

Nutty · 05-02-2010, 08:58 PM

Yes I agree with pearl. I recently came out in public as a FA and i feel so reliiiiieeeeevveed!

mossystate · 05-02-2010, 09:44 PM

Leave her be.

For her sake.

Laura2008 · 05-03-2010, 09:07 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by mossystate

Leave her be.

For her sake.

Best advice. It's not fair to yourself or her if you cannot give 100%.

Tad · 05-03-2010, 09:20 AM

Really good points by everyone above.

For balance's sake, I want to add: you might be able to make it work--love can overcome a lot. BUT, making it work or not, you are almost certainly always going to be an FA.

Several years back I ran a yahoo group for a couple of years aimed at married FA, and interracted there with several guys who were in your position 20 years previously, and had gotten together and had gotten married.....and 20 years later they were still hanging on 'while maybe she'll gain a couple of pounds coming up to Christmas this year, how great would it be if her clothes got just a little snugger?' But otherwise they seemed to have good relationships.....

Tough decision, good luck with making whatever you chose work out in the best possible way.

05-02-2010, 12:08 PM	#1
patmcf Member Join Date: Feb 2010 Posts: 177	Relationship Advice Hello everyone, In the past two years I have become very close with a female friend of mine. She is beautiful, intelligent, funny and the lot. One might say that I am in love with her and I am certain the feeling is mutual. Dating her would be ideal except for one very important thing - I cannot get over the fact that she is skinny and I am almost exclusively interested in bigger women. I am willing to take any criticism for this, as it is rather shallow. I have found an ideal woman and yet I am unable to overlook the physical. Nevertheless, I have been down this road before. Up until a few years ago I have only ever been with skinny girls and this has left me extremely dissatisfied sexually. Even though I have had excellent connections with past girlfriends it inevitably comes down to the fact that I wish they were bigger. Would I be an idiot to date this girl? Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

05-02-2010, 12:16 PM	#2
AnnMarie ✰cuddly and terrifying✰ Join Date: Sep 2005 Location: Twirly Girl Posts: 19,250	I think it would be very hard, if not impossible, for a 'regular' ol' guy to overlook that I'm 400lbs, even if he found me amazing in all other ways. So, conversely, I don't think it's unreasonable to assume that's a huge leap for a man who prefers much larger women. I think it's great that she's an amazing person, and I hope that if you DO choose to pursue something with her that she's perfectly clear on your general physical preferences so that you're both going in realizing the obstacles, choosing to take the risk. If you get involved in this relationship without her knowing that you're struggling with the physical issues, it's unfair to her - she needs to be able to make that choice for herself. I would never knowingly date a man who didn't find me physically attractive, on top of all the other things I'd hope we share emotionally/personality wise. If you really like, appreciate, and respect this woman you won't head down a path that embroils her in your issues with her body - you'll sort it out one way or another before engaging her otherwise. Good luck, and I hope if nothing else this shows you that you can have that type of connection with someone. __________________ Snacks are good for the soul. Raw Full Maow BigFatTweets - I caved, but no promises I'll use it. Last edited by AnnMarie : 05-02-2010 at 12:21 PM.

05-02-2010, 01:04 PM	#4
joswitch Master Member Join Date: Dec 2007 Location: Free range human! (Back in dear old rainy Blighty for a while...) Posts: 4,381	......................... __________________ ... yeah, I'm not what you expect .... ----------------------------------------------------- "I aim to misbehave - who's with me?" - from "Firefly"/"Serenity" - Cpt. Malcolm Reynolds Last edited by joswitch : 05-02-2010 at 01:28 PM. Reason: deleted

05-02-2010, 08:54 PM	#9
CastingPearls Hello Sweetie Join Date: Apr 2010 Posts: 14,628	Personal experience. All True. All good advice. Deny your heart's desire (a BBW) and you'll deny and lose your self. You have to be true to you or it will tear you apart. __________________ http://castingpearls-blowingbubbles.blogspot.com/ You are that luminosity. You are that clear light. ~ Tenzin Wangyal Rinpoche ~ People throw rocks at things that shine.

05-03-2010, 09:20 AM	#13
Tad mostly harmless Join Date: Sep 2005 Location: Ontario, Canada Posts: 9,763	Really good points by everyone above. For balance's sake, I want to add: you might be able to make it work--love can overcome a lot. BUT, making it work or not, you are almost certainly always going to be an FA. Several years back I ran a yahoo group for a couple of years aimed at married FA, and interracted there with several guys who were in your position 20 years previously, and had gotten together and had gotten married.....and 20 years later they were still hanging on 'while maybe she'll gain a couple of pounds coming up to Christmas this year, how great would it be if her clothes got just a little snugger?' But otherwise they seemed to have good relationships..... Tough decision, good luck with making whatever you chose work out in the best possible way. __________________ “I think, at a child's birth, if a mother could ask a fairy godmother to endow it with the most useful gift, that gift would be curiosity." --Eleanor Roosevelt

05-02-2010, 03:01 PM	#5
Fat Brian retarded disfigured clown Join Date: Jul 2007 Location: On a supersonic bacon train. Posts: 1,640	Ann Marie nailed it, there really isn't anything else to say. You say the feeling is mutual, maybe you should lay all your cards on the table. That way at least she will know why you aren't pursuing a further relationship so she doesn't miss out on someone else waiting on you.

05-02-2010, 07:47 PM	#6
SparklingBBW What's new pussycat? Join Date: Jan 2006 Location: Central Ohio Posts: 746	You seem like a very caring person and I'm glad you having loving feelings for this woman. I have to ask though and sorry for the crude way I'm putting this, but does she make your dick hard? Are you sexually attracted to her? Sex is also an important part of a love relationship and if you two don't have it "goin on" then the relationship is doomed. There are two sides to this coin: On the one side, there is NOTHING like sexually being with someone who lusts after your body. {You don't want to deny her having that kind of experience with someone else if she's with you}. Conversely, being with someone who is only marginally sexually attracted to you even though at first maybe the first blush/excitement of the relationship keeps things hot, but as they cool down and what you really want is something that isn't your partner, it's difficult to maintain that facade without damaging the ego/self esteem of the person who isn't your true sexual match. I know from personal experience (spent way too long with a man who wasn't a true FA and who also wasn't a true heterosexual). We were great friends, very affectionate, he was a great guy in all other ways, but he never really desired me the way he should have and the relationship and my sexual self-esteem died a long and tortuous death in the process. Think long and hard before you lay it all out there with her. .

05-02-2010, 08:49 PM	#8
truebebeblue Balls,I kicks em. Join Date: Jan 2007 Location: Pittsburgh,PA Posts: 437	It's the same thing most fat women deal with at least once. I will have men get infatuated with me love my personality and then that big BUT (hahano pun) pops up. Happens to me notoriously and attempting a relationship with someone like this SUCKS... either he tells you straight away he is struggling with it and your self esteem pays or later when it eventually comes to the surface and you feel like an idiot for trying to be all sexy and flirty. Just don't do it. I would be honest with her and who knows maybe her metabolism will slow down as she gets older just don't go in assuming it will because we see quite a few men around here wishing their wives would gain and fapping to paysites. True

05-02-2010, 08:58 PM	#10
Nutty Master Member Join Date: Mar 2010 Posts: 1,631	Yes I agree with pearl. I recently came out in public as a FA and i feel so reliiiiieeeeevveed!

05-02-2010, 09:44 PM	#11
mossystate flicks a booger on conrad Join Date: Mar 2006 Posts: 13,127	Leave her be. For her sake.

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