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Old 05-08-2010, 06:32 PM   #26
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Originally Posted by truebebeblue View Post
Disappears abruptly during IM conversations.... girlfriend/wife around or just rude!
I have this happen to me a lot. So I am sympathetic to anyone else it happens to. It really makes you wonder if there's something wrong with yourself. I know it does me.
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Old 05-09-2010, 07:43 AM   #27
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The whole "separated" thing is bulls***, IMO. Call me old fashioned, but if you're not free, then you're not free. How hard is it to wait until your divorce papers are finalized to stick your dick in someone else? Jeez, stock up on some KY and Kleenex. A guy who can't wait... well... he's not going to have self-control at other times, is my guess.

Okay, here are some of mine:
+ If he has a very normal, getting to know you sort of conversation, but then out of the blue, he mentions his 12 inch penis. Um, yeah, great, but it really isn't a deciding factor at this point in my life.

+ When he makes it like's after something serious in life but then keeps saying he "goes after what he wants"... and you realize this is his version of telling you he wants to hook up because he's attracted and doesn't really want the whole PITA issue of actually getting to know you first. [Um, so what happens if we're dating and you decide you want the neighbor lady? Will you just go after it then? You let nothing stop you? Uh... buhbye.]

+ He keeps you on a schedule. Don't laugh! Seriously, I know some men who do this. They get you used to their "availability" to talk, because of all the stuff they have to do, so you start thinking that they're just super busy guys and you don't realize at first that what they're so busy doing is engaging with other women during those time slots. I've had guys do this where you notice they're free to talk on certain days or at certain times of the day [ie on the way home from work, very late at night]. Now, I have a crazy schedule, too, but there are only a few times that are rigid like when I'm in class... although I might try to call back or text back on a break.

+ He says he told you about something, and he didn't... and you realize he can't keep his conversations straight because there are too many.

+ When he's with you, he has a lot of phone calls or texts that he looks at and hits ignore. What's worse is when you can see the name on the screen, and it's not his mama. It's even worse when, over the course of the weekend, you see a lot of different names. That feels like a kick in the gut. If there's nothing to hide, a good female friend won't mind you taking her call and saying, "So and so is here, so can I call you later?" If it's not just friends, that's the only time to hit ignore... unless the women are crazy stalker types, of course.

+ Sometimes, it just feels like a "line". I've had guys in chat PM me like crazy, basically stop talking to me, and then PM me a month or two later with the same stuff. I call them on it, they get pissy because they got caught, and I have yet another one to ignore and roll eyes at.

+ And I'm totally with the walking away from an IM conversation thing. I know people multitask. I certainly do it. But if he's engaged in the conversation, chances are he won't just leave without saying something. Sure, I've had IM up where I've forgotten it was on and came back to people thinking I was ignoring them. And I've had to step away for a minute, got distracted by a phone call or something... whatever... but when I stepped away, generally, I said something. When they just leave, that's not good.

+ If he says he lives with his sister and her kids so he can "help them out" because of her ex who did her wrong and left her in a bad financial situation... but won't invite you over to the house... run far.
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Old 05-09-2010, 07:24 PM   #28
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Great thread I vote all of the above!!
Great tips all of them.
My peev is the guy that just meets you and he wants you to leave your guy for him.
I'm up front and tell them I have a BF but some just don't listen or don't care.
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Old 05-10-2010, 08:05 PM   #29
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ohhhh I've got a few.

1. Guy whom you are dating doesn't want you to tell anyone in chat that you are seeing one another cos, "There's a gal in there who REALLY likes me and I don't want to hurt her feelings by having her find out second hand that I am not single anymore." (yeah...sure. He doesn't want all the women that he's chatting/dating to find out about one another)

2. Same guy above mentions said woman's name several times in conversation and points out women in public who resemble her only to THEN pretend that he doesn't remember her name when you bust him on it.

3. Same guy above tells you that he "can have any web model he wants--in bed, within 15 minutes of chatting with them." (yeah right...my thought was "so why aren't you with them right now?")

4. He tells you that he's gong to come spend some time with you next weekend, then he cancels cos "his mom got sick, work called, his car broke down, etc..." and then you see him in a gallery of pics at a dance that was held on the weekend that he couldn't come to see you on.

5. Same guy says, "wanna go to *insert city here* next weekend?" then calls you tell you that he can't take you that weekend cos one of his "good lady-friends was beaten up by her boyfriend and he is going to take HER to the city as a getaway-from-her-boyfriend-weekend". THEN...when you actually DO go to that city with him and you ask him if he brought that woman to the same places that he was bringing you...he denies that he EVER said he was coming to that city with her in the first place, tells you that conversation never happened, tries to make you feel as if you are remembering something that didn't happen. (or denies that he ever mentioned that woman to you in the first place).

6. long intermittent gaps in conversation, him using smileys to answer you ALL the time cos he is too busy typing to someone else. Yes guys, we KNOW that is what you are doing. Please don't think we are THAT gullible and say things like "Sorry I am so slow, I suck at the computer"

7. when a guy says he is single, turns on his cam to chat with you and then all of a sudden signs out without warning only to come back several hours later to say that he was "booted offline"...in my experience it is cos his wife/gf/bf/roommate has come home early from work and he doesn't want to be caught cheating.

8. I can't stand picture collectors. He asks, "Got anymore pics?" But yet he doesn't share any with you.

9. That guy who tells you that you are his dream woman, stalks you on the internet, you try to be polite and tell him you are not interested and then he bad mouths you to the ONE woman who did say yes to him, so that she in turn can tell everyone in chat that YOU are a whore.

10. This guy..."I am widower with one childrens. I loss my wife in a car/plane/boat/ferry/hot air balloon/UFO crash and I need you to be my new wife. You are my beautiful angle. Please talks to me. I live in Nigeria/Albania/Egypt/your neighborhood/the U.S. on a visa, blah blah blah...my IM addy is dumbass_scammer2010@you_got_screwed dotcom "

Some of these things happened with one man I met in the dims chat room. You've got to be careful whom you trust, that is for sure.
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Old 05-10-2010, 09:11 PM   #30
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Originally Posted by Lovelyone View Post
ohhhh I've got a few.

1. Guy whom you are dating doesn't want you to tell anyone in chat that you are seeing one another cos, "There's a gal in there who REALLY likes me and I don't want to hurt her feelings by having her find out second hand that I am not single anymore." (yeah...sure. He doesn't want all the women that he's chatting/dating to find out about one another)

2. Same guy above mentions said woman's name several times in conversation and points out women in public who resemble her only to THEN pretend that he doesn't remember her name when you bust him on it.

3. Same guy above tells you that he "can have any web model he wants--in bed, within 15 minutes of chatting with them." (yeah right...my thought was "so why aren't you with them right now?")

4. He tells you that he's gong to come spend some time with you next weekend, then he cancels cos "his mom got sick, work called, his car broke down, etc..." and then you see him in a gallery of pics at a dance that was held on the weekend that he couldn't come to see you on.

5. Same guy says, "wanna go to *insert city here* next weekend?" then calls you tell you that he can't take you that weekend cos one of his "good lady-friends was beaten up by her boyfriend and he is going to take HER to the city as a getaway-from-her-boyfriend-weekend". THEN...when you actually DO go to that city with him and you ask him if he brought that woman to the same places that he was bringing you...he denies that he EVER said he was coming to that city with her in the first place, tells you that conversation never happened, tries to make you feel as if you are remembering something that didn't happen. (or denies that he ever mentioned that woman to you in the first place).

6. long intermittent gaps in conversation, him using smileys to answer you ALL the time cos he is too busy typing to someone else. Yes guys, we KNOW that is what you are doing. Please don't think we are THAT gullible and say things like "Sorry I am so slow, I suck at the computer"

7. when a guy says he is single, turns on his cam to chat with you and then all of a sudden signs out without warning only to come back several hours later to say that he was "booted offline"...in my experience it is cos his wife/gf/bf/roommate has come home early from work and he doesn't want to be caught cheating.

8. I can't stand picture collectors. He asks, "Got anymore pics?" But yet he doesn't share any with you.

9. That guy who tells you that you are his dream woman, stalks you on the internet, you try to be polite and tell him you are not interested and then he bad mouths you to the ONE woman who did say yes to him, so that she in turn can tell everyone in chat that YOU are a whore.

10. This guy..."I am widower with one childrens. I loss my wife in a car/plane/boat/ferry/hot air balloon/UFO crash and I need you to be my new wife. You are my beautiful angle. Please talks to me. I live in Nigeria/Albania/Egypt/your neighborhood/the U.S. on a visa, blah blah blah...my IM addy is dumbass_scammer2010@you_got_screwed dotcom "

Some of these things happened with one man I met in the dims chat room. You've got to be careful whom you trust, that is for sure.
#10----OMG I think some of those same guys contacted me. Did any request you help fund their agricultural project, oh and a visa/green card?
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Old 05-10-2010, 10:07 PM   #31
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In reading this thread, I noticed that there are several things I do myself and would be really taken aback if a man thought it meant I was up to no good.

" When he's with you, he has a lot of phone calls or texts that he looks at and hits ignore. "

I am so totally guilty of that. As is my boyfriend. The way we see it is that unless we are expecting an important call or text from somebody, or know that the person calling or texting us only does so when it's important, we ignore them. We're spending time *together*, so everybody else can just wait until we get back to them later on. No matter what their gender happens to be, they can deal with it all the same; whether they have a penis or vagina is irrelevant.

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Old 05-11-2010, 07:30 AM   #32
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In reading this thread, I noticed that there are several things I do myself and would be really taken aback if a man thought it meant I was up to no good.

" When he's with you, he has a lot of phone calls or texts that he looks at and hits ignore. "

I am so totally guilty of that. As is my boyfriend. The way we see it is that unless we are expecting an important call or text from somebody, or know that the person calling or texting us only does so when it's important, we ignore them. We're spending time *together*, so everybody else can just wait until we get back to them later on. No matter what their gender happens to be, they can deal with it all the same; whether they have a penis or vagina is irrelevant.

Tracy
Believe it or not, I do get that. I have a Blackberry so a lot of my email and Facebook updates show up on my phone. Not everything requires a response or acknowledgement. But when someone is only hitting ignore for certain people or when you see names on a screen that are of people you're told they don't talk to much if at all or when there are new names popping up that aren't family members or friends or whatever...those are some signs, especially if it's a pattern. Not everything is a lie but some things are, and a wise person takes certain things with a good dose of caution.
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Old 05-11-2010, 08:01 AM   #33
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well I have been super fussy and nixed people superfast

one guy two conversations only and he couldnt remember what we had talked about what the, and he always had to go rather suddenly so erm I deleted him from my yahoo and that is that lol

I mean seriously less than 24hrs and he used the same cheesy cant believe your single your gorgeous kinda line more than once I might add

hmm mayby I am just being far to fussy??
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Old 05-11-2010, 08:47 AM   #34
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Spirit, I've found that whenever I wonder that and readd them I always realize in the very next conversation that I was right the first time and redelete them. Go with your instincts. They're always right!
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Old 05-11-2010, 08:54 AM   #35
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Facebook, ladies, facebook! The dumb ones are always the easiest to catch on there. E-mail, Screen name, real name, CELL PHONE NUMBER... pop it into search and almost all the time I get a profile. Liars on here are generally bad at it.
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Old 05-11-2010, 09:53 AM   #36
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Spirit, I've found that whenever I wonder that and readd them I always realize in the very next conversation that I was right the first time and redelete them. Go with your instincts. They're always right!
yeah i think its your guts more than anything that tell you


i'll add a few of mine:


calls you someone else's name--kinda irrefutable lol


never want you to see them on cam-- usually this is a really old dude as in 80 or something. absolutely nothing wrong with an old guy if he's honest and you really like him but pretending to be younger is a definite no no.


someone from out of town who only wants to IM you to go out for drinks in case he happens to be in your town and has no contact with you otherwise.


someone who claims to be so interested, has all of your contact information, but has nothing to do with you other than online


always an excuse about why they can't meet you in person



rule of thumb: if you've never met him in the flesh on neutral ground (meaning non community related) it should be as if you don't know him at all--cause you really don't.
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Old 05-11-2010, 10:09 AM   #37
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+ He keeps you on a schedule. Don't laugh! Seriously, I know some men who do this. They get you used to their "availability" to talk, because of all the stuff they have to do, so you start thinking that they're just super busy guys and you don't realize at first that what they're so busy doing is engaging with other women during those time slots. I've had guys do this where you notice they're free to talk on certain days or at certain times of the day [ie on the way home from work, very late at night]. Now, I have a crazy schedule, too, but there are only a few times that are rigid like when I'm in class... although I might try to call back or text back on a break.
Well, I did that because I had to with my job's structure. I get off work at midnight, and I can't get in a long conversation at work. I can text, but I can't talk before 12:15 a.m. on nights I have to work.

You aren't wrong to be suspicious. But for some men, it's legitimate.
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Old 05-11-2010, 03:11 PM   #38
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" But when someone is only hitting ignore for certain people or when you see names on a screen that are of people you're told they don't talk to much if at all or when there are new names popping up that aren't family members or friends or whatever...those are some signs, especially if it's a pattern. "

We don't look at each other's phone screens or ask "who was that?" We just don't see a need to be all up in each other's business like that.

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Old 05-11-2010, 06:49 PM   #39
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" But when someone is only hitting ignore for certain people or when you see names on a screen that are of people you're told they don't talk to much if at all or when there are new names popping up that aren't family members or friends or whatever...those are some signs, especially if it's a pattern. "

We don't look at each other's phone screens or ask "who was that?" We just don't see a need to be all up in each other's business like that.

Tracy
You're making assumptions about things happening purposefully or with intent of being nosy. Sometimes things happen. Some things, one just finds out and then has to figure out what to do with the information, innocuous or not.

Perhaps we have different takes on what business someone else's life is if they're in your life. I have a right to know what's in my world if it's going to affect me, to make informed choices for my life. If someone else's duplicity is, say, exposing me to a risk of STDs, I have a right to know what they're doing [in a general way] so I can protect myself and decide if I want to continue with them or not.
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Old 05-11-2010, 07:20 PM   #40
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*A guy my age that brags about having his own place - like it's something new

*he says he had kids but can't really tell you much of how they are doing and never seems to take any time to see them

*he likes to play the 'picture exchange game"- telling you that he is willing to send you 1 - 2 pics of himself if you are willing to send him many- even though he's already seen 4 or more of you and has shown none of himself.

*he thinks his double talk is clever

*he doesn't mind harassing you for something...even goes far enough to imply or outright say you owe it to him......the elusive part being why you would owe him jack
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Old 05-11-2010, 09:32 PM   #41
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I love how guys are in here defending themselves.
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Old 05-11-2010, 10:07 PM   #42
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" If someone else's duplicity is, say, exposing me to a risk of STDs, I have a right to know what they're doing [in a general way] so I can protect myself and decide if I want to continue with them or not. "

Why would you be with somebody you couldn't trust?

Tracy
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Old 05-11-2010, 10:24 PM   #43
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Uh...so you live in your mom's basement?

Well, yeah but I have my own entrance.

Really. Bilco doors do not an entrance make.

Technically my mother lives with me.

Really. Who's name is on the mortgage?

Fat bitch.

Who you just wanted to screw 30 seconds ago.
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Old 05-11-2010, 11:19 PM   #44
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Tracyarts View Post
" If someone else's duplicity is, say, exposing me to a risk of STDs, I have a right to know what they're doing [in a general way] so I can protect myself and decide if I want to continue with them or not. "

Why would you be with somebody you couldn't trust?

Tracy
i agree. a person's life is too important to deal in questionables
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Old 05-12-2010, 12:53 AM   #45
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OMG I just got accused of being a gold digger because I asked a guy what he did for a living

grr I shut the window so dont have the response it went something like

well its obvious you preffer money over dick (I kid you not) and he is like its obvious your poor I am like wow sure sign hes a jerk or what

and now this
Himif i told u my situation u probably wouldnt even understand me and u would think im stupid am i right?
me: no actually I would listen and probably ask questions but your attitude tells me far more than you will ever know
him: what attitude? this isnt my attitude 24/7, im just saying that u probably not interested in a jobless guy who has a mental condition and is getting a welfare check every month am i right?
him: yeah thought so...


dont care about that stuff its the mega attitude that comes with it, money has never been important to me but if you have attitude like that I dont wanna deal with it and the things he said he makes canadians look soo bad thank god I never judge a country on one person and because I blocked him on yahoo and diddnt want to argue with him he sent me this on fb sure sign he isnt worth my time or energy

yeah thought so, ur face is quality but ur character is shit

all that from a very brief conversation because I wouldnt stick it out to be verbally abused? and blocked him wow amazing

thank god I dont have low self esteem I would hate for some chick to get sucked into that void of negativity and wow at how full on he was in such a short space of time
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Old 05-12-2010, 01:28 AM   #46
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Quote:
Originally Posted by spiritangel View Post
OMG I just got accused of being a gold digger because I asked a guy what he did for a living

grr I shut the window so dont have the response it went something like

well its obvious you preffer money over dick (I kid you not) and he is like its obvious your poor I am like wow sure sign hes a jerk or what

and now this
Himif i told u my situation u probably wouldnt even understand me and u would think im stupid am i right?
me: no actually I would listen and probably ask questions but your attitude tells me far more than you will ever know
him: what attitude? this isnt my attitude 24/7, im just saying that u probably not interested in a jobless guy who has a mental condition and is getting a welfare check every month am i right?
him: yeah thought so...


dont care about that stuff its the mega attitude that comes with it, money has never been important to me but if you have attitude like that I dont wanna deal with it and the things he said he makes canadians look soo bad thank god I never judge a country on one person and because I blocked him on yahoo and diddnt want to argue with him he sent me this on fb sure sign he isnt worth my time or energy

yeah thought so, ur face is quality but ur character is shit

all that from a very brief conversation because I wouldnt stick it out to be verbally abused? and blocked him wow amazing

thank god I dont have low self esteem I would hate for some chick to get sucked into that void of negativity and wow at how full on he was in such a short space of time
yeah isn't it freaking amazing the things people will say outright. they aren't even sneaky about it. maybe we should start posting some of the crazy things we get in IM over yahoo or something on the main board just so the guys can see what we really go through.. most of them really have no clue how bad it really is tg!
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Old 05-12-2010, 10:24 AM   #47
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Quote:
Originally Posted by spiritangel View Post
OMG I just got accused of being a gold digger because I asked a guy what he did for a living

grr I shut the window so dont have the response it went something like

well its obvious you preffer money over dick (I kid you not) and he is like its obvious your poor I am like wow sure sign hes a jerk or what

and now this
Himif i told u my situation u probably wouldnt even understand me and u would think im stupid am i right?
me: no actually I would listen and probably ask questions but your attitude tells me far more than you will ever know
him: what attitude? this isnt my attitude 24/7, im just saying that u probably not interested in a jobless guy who has a mental condition and is getting a welfare check every month am i right?
him: yeah thought so...


dont care about that stuff its the mega attitude that comes with it, money has never been important to me but if you have attitude like that I dont wanna deal with it and the things he said he makes canadians look soo bad thank god I never judge a country on one person and because I blocked him on yahoo and diddnt want to argue with him he sent me this on fb sure sign he isnt worth my time or energy

yeah thought so, ur face is quality but ur character is shit

all that from a very brief conversation because I wouldnt stick it out to be verbally abused? and blocked him wow amazing

thank god I dont have low self esteem I would hate for some chick to get sucked into that void of negativity and wow at how full on he was in such a short space of time
Defensiveness/paranoia is SO masculine, isn't it?

I cringe whenever I hear/read a man start to explain his 'situation'. Loser.
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Old 05-12-2010, 12:06 PM   #48
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OMG I just got accused of being a gold digger because I asked a guy what he did for a living
I once talked on the phone to a guy (personals site) who asked me if I was materialistic. I...wasn't sure how to answer that. I mean, I am, and I'm not, depending on the thing, right? I don't need the latest gadget, but it's not like I'm going to strip off my cloak, throw it at my father, and take off to live the monastic life like St. Francis. But, of course, when you're meeting someone new, with a mind toward dating, I believe you should put your best foot forward and try not to assume the other person thinks like you do.

So I said: Well... I'm not a person who is status-driven, but I do like to do certain things that may cost a lot of money. That's why I work hard, so that I can take a vacation, or buy myself tickets to a show. But I don't spend JUST to spend. But I know everyone views money differently.

And then loser says: Oh, because so many people just want to spend money all the time. Like getting coffee from a coffeeshop! You can make it at home for a quarter! Why would you go outside and pay $2??

uh... Well, FIRST, Crazy, because it's an outing and nice and hardly going to break the bank, but second, and more important, we're talking about getting together for a potential date. I think $2 is getting off cheap. I won't even ask you to pay my way!

This was, of course, the same guy who droned into the phone: I'll bet you're the kind of woman who* wouldn't want our first meeting to be at my apartment, right?

Uh, what kind of woman is that? EVERY woman? Every woman with a brain?


*NOTE: this is NOT a good thing to say to a woman. No matter what you put after it, it's not gonna end well! I promise you that!
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Old 05-12-2010, 12:09 PM   #49
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Jes View Post
I once talked on the phone to a guy (personals site) who asked me if I was materialistic. I...wasn't sure how to answer that. I mean, I am, and I'm not, depending on the thing, right? I don't need the latest gadget, but it's not like I'm going to strip off my cloak, throw it at my father, and take off to live the monastic life like St. Francis. But, of course, when you're meeting someone new, with a mind toward dating, I believe you should put your best foot forward and try not to assume the other person thinks like you do.

So I said: Well... I'm not a person who is status-driven, but I do like to do certain things that may cost a lot of money. That's why I work hard, so that I can take a vacation, or buy myself tickets to a show. But I don't spend JUST to spend. But I know everyone views money differently.

And then loser says: Oh, because so many people just want to spend money all the time. Like getting coffee from a coffeeshop! You can make it at home for a quarter! Why would you go outside and pay $2??

uh... Well, FIRST, Crazy, because it's an outing and nice and hardly going to break the bank, but second, and more important, we're talking about getting together for a potential date. I think $2 is getting off cheap. I won't even ask you to pay my way!

This was, of course, the same guy who droned into the phone: I'll bet you're the kind of woman who* wouldn't want our first meeting to be at my apartment, right?

Uh, what kind of woman is that? EVERY woman? Every woman with a brain?


*NOTE: this is NOT a good thing to say to a woman. No matter what you put after it, it's not gonna end well! I promise you that!
I don't care what it sounds like. I'm honest. I come right out and say I'm expensive.
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No longer hold me
Mercurial more wayward by the hour
The shackles fall away I'm in your power



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Old 05-12-2010, 12:14 PM   #50
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why is it so bad for a fat woman to look for an accomplished guy anyway. whether he has money or not you'd like to be able to respect somebody's brain and work ethic. guys who aren't accomplished tend to have a certain mentality i don't want to deal with. it has nothing to do with cash.
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