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Old 05-12-2010, 12:25 PM   #51
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I don't care what it sounds like. I'm honest. I come right out and say I'm expensive.
yeah, but that's you. I'm not expensive. Not in the least. And certainly not to other people. It's not dishonest to be aware that one unthinking slip of the tongue (the sort of thing you'd say to a friend who already knows you) might affect a first impression. For example, those that know me wouldn't be surprised to hear me say: All Republicans are morons. But would I say that to someone I've just met? No. I get that you would say that, or something like it, and you should if that's what you want to do.
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Old 05-12-2010, 12:30 PM   #52
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why is it so bad for a fat woman to look for an accomplished guy anyway. whether he has money or not you'd like to be able to respect somebody's brain and work ethic. guys who aren't accomplished tend to have a certain mentality i don't want to deal with. it has nothing to do with cash.
Exactly. This guy was broke because, in part, he'd hurt his foot and couldn't walk to work. He wouldn't look for another job OR move out of his 4th floor walk-up apt. His friends had taken to bringing him food and such, but after 'about a year' they'd all dropped off. Gee, you don't say. You do nothing to improve your situation but you are surprised when friends grow weary after A YEAR of helping you?! WHen I asked him if there was hope for his foot, he said that he'd stopped going to physical therapy not long after he started because, and I quote: those doctors don't know anything.

*sigh* Yeah. I think I have a lot of negativity toward him because he was this poster child for all of the things I find unattractive about people and I was shocked that he wasn't even aware of how he came across (or perhaps he was, but was unwilling to take the feelings of anyone else into account).
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Old 05-12-2010, 12:31 PM   #53
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yeah, but that's you. I'm not expensive. Not in the least. And certainly not to other people. It's not dishonest to be aware that one unthinking slip of the tongue (the sort of thing you'd say to a friend who already knows you) might affect a first impression. For example, those that know me wouldn't be surprised to hear me say: All Republicans are morons. But would I say that to someone I've just met? No. I get that you would say that, or something like it, and you should if that's what you want to do.
Agreed it's not in the least bit dishonest to think that way. I know that I could not be with someone who couldn't afford to treat me the way I like and in my case I don't believe it would ever work otherwise. That's not to say I won't make concessions for a hard-working man. I think what I find repulsive and therefore avoid is lazy, cheap, stingy, unmotivated or unambitious men.
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Old 05-12-2010, 01:58 PM   #54
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Agreed it's not in the least bit dishonest to think that way. I know that I could not be with someone who couldn't afford to treat me the way I like and in my case I don't believe it would ever work otherwise. That's not to say I won't make concessions for a hard-working man. I think what I find repulsive and therefore avoid is lazy, cheap, stingy, unmotivated or unambitious men.
Wouldn't it make more sense to treat YOURSELF to the things that you like? That way, you don't have to rely on anyone else to do it for you. I'm more than capable of meeting my own needs, but I wouldn't want to pick up the slack for anyone else. Most men, I'd assume, feel the same way that I do.
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Old 05-12-2010, 02:06 PM   #55
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Wouldn't it make more sense to treat YOURSELF to the things that you like? That way, you don't have to rely on anyone else to do it for you. I'm more than capable of meeting my own needs, but I wouldn't want to pick up the slack for anyone else. Most men, I'd assume, feel the same way that I do.
And I do. Reliance isn't an issue with me, although you make a valid point. There are many men who like to pamper women and don't view it as picking up the slack. It's a matter of perception and preference.
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Old 05-12-2010, 02:48 PM   #56
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why is it so bad for a fat woman to look for an accomplished guy anyway. whether he has money or not you'd like to be able to respect somebody's brain and work ethic. guys who aren't accomplished tend to have a certain mentality i don't want to deal with. it has nothing to do with cash.
I agree with this very, very much. My age range is a little too young to be accomplished... But I'm not really into a guy that's content with making 10 bucks an hour for the rest of his life. Home Depot is not an appropriate life plan for someone I'm interested in. I don't mean to sound like a brat, but i want someone that aims a little higher. Is that bad?
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Old 05-12-2010, 03:16 PM   #57
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And I do. Reliance isn't an issue with me, although you make a valid point. There are many men who like to pamper women and don't view it as picking up the slack. It's a matter of perception and preference.
i like a guy who is generous and not always eating the sour grapes because he can't afford to be. it shouldn't make me a bad person because he isn't where he wants to be financially. i don't have to have anything valuable but its nice if a guy has enough financial freedom that he can spoil you if he wants to. i like reciprocating as well. its a nice part of a romantic relationship to occasionally do something nice for each other that might require spending money. i also think that being an SSBBW makes it much harder on a practical level to always do things on the cheap. being able to afford parking closer etc... can't be under counted, and its not free.
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Old 05-12-2010, 03:18 PM   #58
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Exactly. This guy was broke because, in part, he'd hurt his foot and couldn't walk to work. He wouldn't look for another job OR move out of his 4th floor walk-up apt. His friends had taken to bringing him food and such, but after 'about a year' they'd all dropped off. Gee, you don't say. You do nothing to improve your situation but you are surprised when friends grow weary after A YEAR of helping you?! WHen I asked him if there was hope for his foot, he said that he'd stopped going to physical therapy not long after he started because, and I quote: those doctors don't know anything.

*sigh* Yeah. I think I have a lot of negativity toward him because he was this poster child for all of the things I find unattractive about people and I was shocked that he wasn't even aware of how he came across (or perhaps he was, but was unwilling to take the feelings of anyone else into account).
yeah, who wants to take up with a selfish oaf?
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Old 05-12-2010, 03:29 PM   #59
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i like a guy who is generous and not always eating the sour grapes because he can't afford to be. it shouldn't make me a bad person because he isn't where he wants to be financially. i don't have to have anything valuable but its nice if a guy has enough financial freedom that he can spoil you if he wants to. i like reciprocating as well. its a nice part of a romantic relationship to occasionally do something nice for each other that might require spending money. i also think that being an SSBBW makes it much harder on a practical level to always do things on the cheap. being able to afford parking closer etc... can't be under counted, and its not free.
Everyone has preferences for characteristics in a person they're attracted to or desire a relationship with. I admire accomplished people. I admire established people, male and female. I also admire hard-working people who don't give up and are positive and upbeat.

For me, safety, (physical and financial) is a desirable component I'm not flexible with insomuch as while I can and do take measures to insure it for myself, also require it from a partner because he can detract from my own efforts. Yes, I'm aware that injury, illness, accidents and acts of God can wipe it all out anyway but I'd prefer to have better odds in my favor. I bring plenty to the table as well and deserve who I consider the best. What works for me may not necessarily work for any of you. I don't judge your preferences. I'm not mercenary, just realistic.
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Old 05-12-2010, 03:37 PM   #60
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Wouldn't it make more sense to treat YOURSELF to the things that you like? That way, you don't have to rely on anyone else to do it for you. I'm more than capable of meeting my own needs, but I wouldn't want to pick up the slack for anyone else. Most men, I'd assume, feel the same way that I do.
It says I can't rep you. But yeah... this is pretty much what keeps me going sometimes.
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Old 05-12-2010, 04:35 PM   #61
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Wouldn't it make more sense to treat YOURSELF to the things that you like? That way, you don't have to rely on anyone else to do it for you. I'm more than capable of meeting my own needs, but I wouldn't want to pick up the slack for anyone else. Most men, I'd assume, feel the same way that I do.
Yeah I agree with this.

I used to have a close friend who would always say she had to have this and had to have that -- whatever designer/label was in that year. Girlfriend didn't have a degree or any career to speak of! So I politely asked why she thought a man (or anyone for that matter) wanted a charity case? You want a man who's gainfully employed but you don't have to nickels to rub together?! She really felt like men who couldn't give her the finer things in life were somehow losers or not dateable, yet couldn't understand why the men she wanted to get to know (based on their pockets) didn't really want her back. Uh...it's called creating a life for yourself, boo. Get real.


And it could just be me, but I like knowing I make my own living and I can buy my own ice or car or house or whatever else it is I want. I'm not dependent on another person for that kind of stability.

ETA - being spoiled/pampered is nice. My partner spoils me absolutely rotten. But it's not just because she can afford to financially. Emotionally/spiritually she really gives of herself and that's what I consider to be the most important. She's selfless and thoughtful and not a day goes by that I know I'm cared for, adored and truly loved.

*sings* I love her cause she got her own!
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Old 05-12-2010, 04:57 PM   #62
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ETA - being spoiled/pampered is nice. My partner spoils me absolutely rotten. But it's not just because she can afford to financially. Emotionally/spiritually she really gives of herself and that's what I consider to be the most important. She's selfless and thoughtful and not a day goes by that I know I'm cared for, adored and truly loved.

*sings* I love her cause she got her own!

I think the above says volumes I dont think spoiling someone necessarily is about material goods whilst that is nice on occassion I often think cooking for someone you love, doing something that they love but you may not be interested in ect is often far grater than a huge hunk of diamonds or some such

hmm think this topic probably should be in its own thread lol

I dont care if you dont work just be upfront and honest about the reasons why, and dont have an attitude about it he actually tried to get me to add him to my yahoo after the rudeness and then again with a different user name before resorting to my fb all of wich are now blocked/deleted ect

I am happy to make new friends but quality counts
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Old 05-12-2010, 06:46 PM   #63
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I agree with this very, very much. My age range is a little too young to be accomplished... But I'm not really into a guy that's content with making 10 bucks an hour for the rest of his life. Home Depot is not an appropriate life plan for someone I'm interested in. I don't mean to sound like a brat, but i want someone that aims a little higher. Is that bad?
Not at all. I'm right there with you. To me it's just as much about things we'll be interested in doing, or about the kinds of conversations the guy wants to have - and whether those align between the two of us.

I'm not materialistic or status-driven at all; so sometimes I'll think, look, just because I have a ton of education, why does it matter if the guy even went to college? I don't care if he's rich or has some kind of prestigious job. But what I've found is that it's not about the money or status so much as just the kinds of things we're interested in talking about and the kinds of things we value. And I find that those things tend to line up more if the guy's education level is similar to mine. I'm totally open to being proven wrong, but it hasn't really happened yet.

What I'm saying is...what you're looking for is just fine, Weeze.
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Old 05-12-2010, 08:07 PM   #64
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I honestly couldn't see myself being with a guy that isn't currently in or has graduated from or has serious plans to attend college. I value higher education and a stable career (as opposed to just a job). No hate against those who don't have college degrees, but it's just something that's important to me. & for the record, it's something I value in myself also.. which is why I'm about to finish up my AS degree and have plans to go to a 4 year college within the next year or two. I don't think you're off base at all for wanting that Weeze.
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Old 05-14-2010, 04:49 AM   #65
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I love men with ambition. You don't need to be swimming in money - but you've got be swimming in passion. Also, please have a realistic plan. I'm sick to death of all these people who are eternally in the process of starting a business. They can't work regular jobs because they're 'starting a business.' Guys like that make me run a mile. Men without a sense of selfworth are also a big no. I'm not looking for a walking ego but I'm also not looking for a wounded duck. I want somebody who believes in themselves and knows what they want. I personally take care of a lot of people all the time. My family needs me a great deal and I do not resent this but it is exhausting sometimes. This means that I want a partner who can take care of me sometimes. I don't want to baby my man, I don't want to have to worry about whether or not he has enough money to feed himself or if his ego will be crushed by my arguing with him. I want a partner not a child or a patient or a victim. I really don't think that's asking too much. I know what I bring to the table - it would be awsome if my significant other could at least match that.
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Old 05-14-2010, 05:14 AM   #66
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I love men with ambition. You don't need to be swimming in money - but you've got be swimming in passion. Also, please have a realistic plan. I'm sick to death of all these people who are eternally in the process of starting a business. They can't work regular jobs because they're 'starting a business.' Guys like that make me run a mile. Men without a sense of selfworth are also a big no. I'm not looking for a walking ego but I'm also not looking for a wounded duck. I want somebody who believes in themselves and knows what they want. I personally take care of a lot of people all the time. My family needs me a great deal and I do not resent this but it is exhausting sometimes. This means that I want a partner who can take care of me sometimes. I don't want to baby my man, I don't want to have to worry about whether or not he has enough money to feed himself or if his ego will be crushed by my arguing with him. I want a partner not a child or a patient or a victim. I really don't think that's asking too much. I know what I bring to the table - it would be awsome if my significant other could at least match that.

Hugs yep have passion for what you do be chasing your dreams but dont be just talking about it I hear that totally, and agree I want a partner to share life with :-)


omg I swear I am a hairsbreath to changing my fb status to in a relationship I dont care that I am not I am slowly loosing my faith in the males of this world

sorry amanda you have been fooled by a married man with 2 kids and one is autisic - there are so many of them on facebook

a man who jets his dick off wanking to the internet

two lines I just got on fb meh and eewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww I do not need to know this there are a million pay sites why pick on me

I feel sooo unclean I barely spoke to this guy and told him off for telling me bbws turn him on think I need a shower




and do NOT under any circumstances tell me the first time you chat to me that bbw turn you on its sleezy and wont make me want to talk to you at all

meh I am staying single for life at this rate seriously
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Old 05-14-2010, 05:53 AM   #67
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LOL! So been there chick. My last straw came in the form of BBW dating sites. Oh dear Lord the wrongness!! Now I've mostly taken my love life off the internet. I went speed dating two weeks back. It was horrific but I'm seriously proud of myself because I did it! Ignore the internet losers - and beware the FB creeps - there are a disturbing number of them.
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Old 05-14-2010, 06:57 AM   #68
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all friend requests are now being grilled as to why they were sent unless its someone I know

I have only been single for a few months I cannot imagine how the women who have had to put up with that stuff for years feel, as I said I am happy to make new friends havent actively been searching for a new relationship If I happen accross the right guy then woo hoo but if not then I will still keep living my life think I may change my profile pic back to my old one or to one of the bears instead just makes me sad for the state of the human race somedays
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Old 05-14-2010, 07:26 AM   #69
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Hugs yep have passion for what you do be chasing your dreams but dont be just talking about it I hear that totally, and agree I want a partner to share life with :-)


omg I swear I am a hairsbreath to changing my fb status to in a relationship I dont care that I am not I am slowly loosing my faith in the males of this world

sorry amanda you have been fooled by a married man with 2 kids and one is autisic - there are so many of them on facebook

a man who jets his dick off wanking to the internet

two lines I just got on fb meh and eewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww I do not need to know this there are a million pay sites why pick on me

I feel sooo unclean I barely spoke to this guy and told him off for telling me bbws turn him on think I need a shower




and do NOT under any circumstances tell me the first time you chat to me that bbw turn you on its sleezy and wont make me want to talk to you at all

meh I am staying single for life at this rate seriously
OMG, that is awful....so sorry about that hon (((Hugs))) to you!
What a PECKERHEAD of major proportions! That is why I have my relationship status on FB the way it is, works like a filter.
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Old 05-14-2010, 07:30 AM   #70
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well I fixed his little red wagon I had an ex who used to do stuff and feel the need to confess and be cleansed of his sins so to speak I just flat out blocked him I was sooo angry he used the I have an austistic child line I have a cousin whose son has Asperges and Ihope to god her hubby never would do or say anything like that I think that is what got me the worst. I am totally screening every guy now before they get near my profile
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Old 05-14-2010, 07:32 AM   #71
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There's something that really gets my goat every time, I'm not really certain how to describe it. I have a profile with a full length photograph. It says where I'm from, what I do, what I'm into, what I'm looking for,etc. I think there's a joke in there too, I don't know. I hate men who respond with NO information at all. He just declares that he is an attractive male who found my ad intriguing and would like to know more about my qualities. Meanwhile for all I know he could be only 16 years old. He could live in Antartica. He could look exactly like my Jr High School gym teacher. There are any number of reasons that he might not be visually appealing to me at all yet he feels fully justified to select my profile and then contact me as if he's shopping for a horse. Unappealing. If he asks for a picture I actively pray for his death and will name my first born after the one who sees to its end.
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Old 05-14-2010, 08:10 AM   #72
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If a guy who says he's single won't friend you on Facebook, he's not single.
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"Do not go where the path may lead, go instead where there is no path and leave a trail."
"Don't waste yourself in rejection, nor bark against the bad, but chant the beauty of the good."
"Every sweet has its sour; every evil its good."
"Give all to love; obey thy heart."

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Old 05-14-2010, 08:21 AM   #73
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If a guy who says he's single won't friend you on Facebook, he's not single.
erm they are sedding the friend requests unsolicited lol havent had that problem as yet but then again who knows?
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Old 05-14-2010, 08:53 AM   #74
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erm they are sedding the friend requests unsolicited lol havent had that problem as yet but then again who knows?
Unsolicited friend requests are just annoying, LOL. But think about it...if you had a boyfriend, or any sort of companion, who had a Facebook account, wouldn't you expect to be on there? It's impossible for a guy in a relationship to keep his FB account reflecting a "single" status...not just on the actual status line, but in his pics and status updates as well.

Facebook may over-expose you, but at least it works as a very shallow "background check" in these cases.

Oh, and be wary of EMPTY Facebook pages too. If a dude has a Facebook account with 2 pics and 4 friends, he only set that up to fool you.
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And now, a litany of quotes by Ralph Waldo Emerson:

"Character is higher than intellect... A great soul will be strong to live, as well as to think."
"Do not go where the path may lead, go instead where there is no path and leave a trail."
"Don't waste yourself in rejection, nor bark against the bad, but chant the beauty of the good."
"Every sweet has its sour; every evil its good."
"Give all to love; obey thy heart."

...and finally...

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Old 05-14-2010, 09:17 AM   #75
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hehe already cottoned onto that one the I am new to fb routine meh

anyone sending me a friend request of the male persuasion is getting a thorough grilling from now on and I am not being miss nice to everyone who does anymore so all good live and learn
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