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Old 06-08-2010, 07:00 PM   #51
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Ha! I'm gonna use that one Lilly.
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Old 06-09-2010, 02:55 PM   #52
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Me too!
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Old 06-09-2010, 05:09 PM   #53
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I have one more old trick to tell. I don't usually like giving away my secrets but since I'm elderly now I won't be using them anyway. Okay, the conversation is going. You're smiling, he's smiling, everybody's smiling. You think he likes someone among you but you're not sure who it is. So this means you have to put your hand on his arm. Next time he says something funny or amusing you can laugh or project a sense of awe while steadying your hand on his arm as a brief touch. Don't squeeze his guns like the witch on Hansel & Gretel or anything, just a quick steadying touch while saying, "That was so funny/Are you serious??" Now, here's where it gets interesting. If he does it back to you at some point and you're sure he's not gay, tell Alexx and Maribel to get lost - he's yours. In fact they should be aware of the whole trick, see someone they know from across the room and leave immediately. I'm telling you, this works.
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Old 06-09-2010, 06:36 PM   #54
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darn it I never go anywhere I can try these out but great tips Lilly thanks for sharing them with us
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Old 06-09-2010, 09:02 PM   #55
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I have one more old trick to tell. I don't usually like giving away my secrets but since I'm elderly now I won't be using them anyway. Okay, the conversation is going. You're smiling, he's smiling, everybody's smiling. You think he likes someone among you but you're not sure who it is. So this means you have to put your hand on his arm. Next time he says something funny or amusing you can laugh or project a sense of awe while steadying your hand on his arm as a brief touch. Don't squeeze his guns like the witch on Hansel & Gretel or anything, just a quick steadying touch while saying, "That was so funny/Are you serious??" Now, here's where it gets interesting. If he does it back to you at some point and you're sure he's not gay, tell Alexx and Maribel to get lost - he's yours. In fact they should be aware of the whole trick, see someone they know from across the room and leave immediately. I'm telling you, this works.
I've actually done this one, and well, if he realizes that he's been touched and he doesn't like it and backs off or tenses up, then you know he isn't interested. Either that or he's afraid of girls.
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Old 06-10-2010, 04:37 AM   #56
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I've actually done this one, and well, if he realizes that he's been touched and he doesn't like it and backs off or tenses up, then you know he isn't interested. Either that or he's afraid of girls.
Yes but he's not going to do that because we are all lovely, ravishing, beautiful, alluring young ladies whose mere presence is a sweet kiss from the gods. Let us think positive now. Unless it's Chris Brown there's no danger in trying anyway.
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Old 06-10-2010, 08:43 AM   #57
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This is the oldest trick in the book and by now is pretty transparent. It's what my mom used to bag my dad at a club over 40 years ago. You go up to the dude, smile and say, "Wow. You look *just* like this dude I know from *Kookamunga!" Small pause, give him a chance to say something. Then hold out your hand and say, "I'm Bettie!" He shakes your hand in return saying, "I'm Horace." Then you reach for your friend or whatever and say, "This is Maribel and that's Alexx." Hellos are exchanged.

This should be enough to get things started. From there you can say, "So were're you from?" etc. if the conversation leads there. A few things could happen. He will either appreciate the offer of friendship and go with it, he might be interested in one of your friends and not you, he might see through the whole ruse and being that he's not interested will make up a story about waiting for a girl/boyfriend or he my have horrible B.O., be a letch or some such then. You can then politely excuse yourself by smiling and saying, "Well ok then! It was nice meeting you, have a great night! " and move on. This is a great way to meet people in general but it works on guys too. The worst that could happen is he's a serial killer. Good luck!
@lilly: i love the two tips you've given in your posts, i never ever know how to even begin a conversation with a guy i like and both of those are pretty good pointers.
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Old 06-10-2010, 10:02 AM   #58
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@lilly: i love the two tips you've given in your posts, i never ever know how to even begin a conversation with a guy i like and both of those are pretty good pointers.
It really is a universal conversation starter and anxiety dispeller. If you get caught staring or looking at someone repeatedly, a simple, "You look so much like a childhood chum of mine," will validate a reason and segway into a curiosity about the person and where they come from. Also an admiration for an object they are carrying or an item of clothing. "Scuze me, what is that you're drinking? It looks interesting and I'm looking to try something new." Just be sure to discern when friendly chat is unwelcomed by the person. Don't take it personally, you've done nothing wrong. They may just have too much on their mind for it.
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Old 06-10-2010, 03:57 PM   #59
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Yes but he's not going to do that because we are all lovely, ravishing, beautiful, alluring young ladies whose mere presence is a sweet kiss from the gods. Let us think positive now. Unless it's Chris Brown there's no danger in trying anyway.
Oh, never said I wouldn't stop trying, mind. Just that if they pull away it's usually a clear sign they aren't interested and well, there's your chance to move on to someone else.
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Old 09-09-2010, 07:39 PM   #60
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I want this thread back.
I'm still masturbating.
I went to see Scott Pilgrim by myself. I'm trying to get the balls to go to a buffet alone.
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Old 09-09-2010, 08:28 PM   #61
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yeah totally forgot about this thread

I have taken to cooking wonderful food for myself, and spoiling myself in little ways, its not much but it helps
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Old 09-09-2010, 08:41 PM   #62
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I want this thread back.
I'm still masturbating.
I went to see Scott Pilgrim by myself. I'm trying to get the balls to go to a buffet alone.
I've been debating whether I want to see this movie or not. I love Michael Cera, but I don't love all the movies he makes. What did you think? Any good?

I can't really speak to this thread with any positivity at the moment. In the past week, I've been swamped by loneliness and it has kind of taken over. I've been single off and on for the past 13 years (more on than off) and I go through periods where my loneliness just takes over and pulls me down. I'm in one of those periods now. I work in education and the school year is about to start for me, so for the next month or two, I'm going to be incredibly busy with work and not have a lot of time to think about loneliness or my social life in general. But until work mode takes over my life, I'm being dragged down into the loneliness quicksand and not really sure how to get out.

It's supportive to hear that others also experience loneliness, and it's something I'm consciously aware of. But it can often be hard connect that up on a deeper level when I'm in a loneliness downspiral and feel like I'm the only one going through it. I can get damn maudlin at times, but I try not to talk about it when I'm around others for fear of being seen as a complete negative nelly. Sometimes I just can't see anything positive when I'm in this state of mind.
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Old 09-12-2010, 07:22 PM   #63
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It really is a universal conversation starter and anxiety dispeller. If you get caught staring or looking at someone repeatedly, a simple, "You look so much like a childhood chum of mine," will validate a reason and segway into a curiosity about the person and where they come from. Also an admiration for an object they are carrying or an item of clothing. "Scuze me, what is that you're drinking? It looks interesting and I'm looking to try something new." Just be sure to discern when friendly chat is unwelcomed by the person. Don't take it personally, you've done nothing wrong. They may just have too much on their mind for it.
You know....we think a lot alike...that's kinda scary.
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Old 09-15-2010, 06:03 PM   #64
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I've been debating whether I want to see this movie or not. I love Michael Cera, but I don't love all the movies he makes. What did you think? Any good?

I can't really speak to this thread with any positivity at the moment. In the past week, I've been swamped by loneliness and it has kind of taken over. I've been single off and on for the past 13 years (more on than off) and I go through periods where my loneliness just takes over and pulls me down. I'm in one of those periods now. I work in education and the school year is about to start for me, so for the next month or two, I'm going to be incredibly busy with work and not have a lot of time to think about loneliness or my social life in general. But until work mode takes over my life, I'm being dragged down into the loneliness quicksand and not really sure how to get out.

It's supportive to hear that others also experience loneliness, and it's something I'm consciously aware of. But it can often be hard connect that up on a deeper level when I'm in a loneliness downspiral and feel like I'm the only one going through it. I can get damn maudlin at times, but I try not to talk about it when I'm around others for fear of being seen as a complete negative nelly. Sometimes I just can't see anything positive when I'm in this state of mind.
Hugs. Hope you feel better soon.
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Old 12-10-2010, 05:47 AM   #65
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Default :) My inner song...

What has helped me the most being a single and young BBW has been having a song in my head. I always keep music close at heart for whatever I am feeling. Sometimes it's classical, sometimes it's country or alternative or rock or hip hop or anything. Like now, I'm in love with Antonin Dvorak's New World Symphony - especially the last movement... why? Because the last movement can is great to be either really determined or really pissed off to. Here's a link :

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KtE3P8Z15Pk


I played it with a large honors orchestra last year. EPIC.
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Old 12-10-2010, 09:12 AM   #66
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What has helped me the most being a single and young BBW has been having a song in my head. I always keep music close at heart for whatever I am feeling. Sometimes it's classical, sometimes it's country or alternative or rock or hip hop or anything. Like now, I'm in love with Antonin Dvorak's New World Symphony - especially the last movement... why? Because the last movement can is great to be either really determined or really pissed off to. Here's a link :

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KtE3P8Z15Pk


I played it with a large honors orchestra last year. EPIC.
Music is a great way to help with emotion at any time not just single

but a big hug and ty for reviving this thread
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Old 12-10-2010, 12:17 PM   #67
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I don't know if it's been said in this thread before but: take yourself out on your own dates!

You don't need to wait for a man (or woman) to go out and have a nice dinner or watch a movie or take a stroll somewhere.

When they say "be the love you want to have" this is what they mean! Do the things you'd like to do on a date but do it on your own. If you enjoy it on your own, it'll be oodles better with someone else. If you don't enjoy doing something alone, it won't be enjoyable with someone else either.

From someone who's been single for years, this has been the best realization for me. And I'm a lot less lonely when I take myself out on a date.
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Old 12-10-2010, 01:51 PM   #68
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I don't know if it's been said in this thread before but: take yourself out on your own dates!

You don't need to wait for a man (or woman) to go out and have a nice dinner or watch a movie or take a stroll somewhere.

When they say "be the love you want to have" this is what they mean! Do the things you'd like to do on a date but do it on your own. If you enjoy it on your own, it'll be oodles better with someone else. If you don't enjoy doing something alone, it won't be enjoyable with someone else either.

From someone who's been single for years, this has been the best realization for me. And I'm a lot less lonely when I take myself out on a date.
I completely agree with Carla! It helps to trust that you can love be dependent on yourself before you can love and trust someone else.

I never understood the opinion that some women [and I guess some men] have about going out to dinner or the movies by themselves - my mother was saying the other day "how sad is it that people go to the movies by themselves" - I like going to the movies by myself, and sometimes its necessary because no one is around to take you. Its about stepping up and being your own advocate - if you want to have fun, don't let anything stand in your way, least of all the lack of a partner. Plus, going out alone builds confidence!
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Old 12-10-2010, 04:28 PM   #69
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I don't know if it's been said in this thread before but: take yourself out on your own dates!

You don't need to wait for a man (or woman) to go out and have a nice dinner or watch a movie or take a stroll somewhere.

When they say "be the love you want to have" this is what they mean! Do the things you'd like to do on a date but do it on your own. If you enjoy it on your own, it'll be oodles better with someone else. If you don't enjoy doing something alone, it won't be enjoyable with someone else either.

From someone who's been single for years, this has been the best realization for me. And I'm a lot less lonely when I take myself out on a date.

I often go out on dates with either my best girl friend Linnea or my best sassygayfriend Dan. It's best to go with people who you know will never judge you. That way you can eat TONS OF FOOD and make stupid jokes and Lord of the Rings references and spill coffee on your pants without looking too stupid.
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Old 12-10-2010, 10:22 PM   #70
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I would go out with my friends to places like the movies if they lived in my city, had the money, and were interested in the same things as I am. As it stands, they aren't so I pretty much have to go anywhere alone. It's fine though. I don't have to justify anything when I'm alone. So if I wanna totally geek out and get Harry Potter stuff or science stuff, I don't have anyone around that'll ask for an explanation. And if I wanna buy something, I don't have to listen to anyone's opinion but my own. Much better that way. I find that ever since I've been doing that, if I go with a friend, I'm annoyed when they comment on things because I don't care what they think so long as I'm the one who wants it. What bugs me is when they comment to sound like buying a certain book or something is gonna harm them. But since I know they like opinions, I don't say anything when something does t seem right for them but I do make good comments when something they've picked out seems to match them. That way it's always up to them.

That's always something important. Buy or do something you want because you don't have anyone to answer to but yourself!
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Old 12-11-2010, 10:11 AM   #71
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love me

enjoy me

enjoy the company of people i like

do what i like

throw negativity out whether its in men or women

in other words the same as i would do if i was with someone. if i change my life too much for someone then i AM changing my life too much. i'm not sure its such a good idea to have to change my life too much if i'm with or without an SO. it means something is out of balance for me.

keep in mind that loneliness is a state of mind dependent on the environment i create for myself and that its just as easy to be lonely with someone as alone.
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Old 12-11-2010, 10:29 AM   #72
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Quote:
Originally Posted by gobettiepurple View Post
So I have been going out a lot, with girls from Dims and what not, and I had a few questions for those that may know better than me.

How do you feel about approaching a guy? It seems like I have been noticing a lot of cute guys around me, but no one ever seems to approach me. I know its because I am super shy and I tend to attracted to those guys that seem shy as well. Is it okay to just go up to a guy at a club, or other social setting? And if I did, what would I say?

I'm not really afraid of rejection - I am just shy around guys, mostly because I don't have the experience that everyone else seems to have.

Does anyone have any tips?
i don't approach guys much. but thats only me. i just don't care for guys who are too shy to approach me particularly at a fat event. and, if they don't i figure they just aren't that interested. if i'm someone they really can't live without knowing they'll come over or find some way to contact me later no matter how shy they seem. i want to be the one someone can't live without if thats something i really want i know that if i can't get it in the beginning i definitely won't get that later. i hate it when guys act like you just don't matter that much to be cool. so if you like a guy who you feel special with make sure to look for that. don't make any excuses for shyness etc... there are some things it just doesn't pay to do without in a relationship where you may as well be alone.

honestly no matter what they say most guys don't respect women who they feel are hot after them. at first its a compliment for them but then it can get tiresome. i have hardly ever seen it stick. flirting is great. but i think its especially important for fat women not to sweat anyone since there are already too many out there with the impression that we are desperate. intellectually it might work for guys but in practice they always stick with the women they choose and go after. a pushy woman is only good for that slow night when they need an itch scratched. so it depends on what you really want the guy for. for a relationship don't be in a big hurry to bag someone. the right guy who truly wants you will come along. he's worth the wait.
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Old 12-11-2010, 04:31 PM   #73
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Originally Posted by superodalisque View Post
i don't approach guys much. but thats only me. i just don't care for guys who are too shy to approach me particularly at a fat event. and, if they don't i figure they just aren't that interested. if i'm someone they really can't live without knowing they'll come over or find some way to contact me later no matter how shy they seem. i want to be the one someone can't live without if thats something i really want i know that if i can't get it in the beginning i definitely won't get that later. i hate it when guys act like you just don't matter that much to be cool. so if you like a guy who you feel special with make sure to look for that. don't make any excuses for shyness etc... there are some things it just doesn't pay to do without in a relationship where you may as well be alone.

honestly no matter what they say most guys don't respect women who they feel are hot after them. at first its a compliment for them but then it can get tiresome. i have hardly ever seen it stick. flirting is great. but i think its especially important for fat women not to sweat anyone since there are already too many out there with the impression that we are desperate. intellectually it might work for guys but in practice they always stick with the women they choose and go after. a pushy woman is only good for that slow night when they need an itch scratched. so it depends on what you really want the guy for. for a relationship don't be in a big hurry to bag someone. the right guy who truly wants you will come along. he's worth the wait.
I guess what I was really trying to articulate was that I am not so good at understanding signals, so often times someone else - like a girl friend or third party, has to practically knock me on the head to make me aware of other people's preference, especially a preference for me. I just don't get why someone, if they are interested in me, would wait for me to make a move, when I am clearly clueless . . . lol.

I am not impatient or pushy, I just wanted to remark that I find it interesting that in several places on this board and in real life, it seems that an aggressive bbw always wins. thats all . . .
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Old 12-11-2010, 07:02 PM   #74
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Gobetti I am exactly the same I am like me really are you sure, there isnt another girl standing behind me or some such lol


I always buy myself something I have been wanting for christmas (hmmmm I do this single or in a relationship I just realised) this year it was a toss up and I still may get the other thing I want but it is always nice even if its just something small to get stuff in the mail
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Old 12-11-2010, 11:07 PM   #75
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*snipped*

I always buy myself something I have been wanting for christmas (hmmmm I do this single or in a relationship I just realised) this year it was a toss up and I still may get the other thing I want but it is always nice even if its just something small to get stuff in the mail
I totally relate to this too. When I lived alone, I spent alot of holidays by myself. I bought myself a present at Christmas and on my birthday.
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