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Old 06-27-2010, 10:59 AM   #26
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It seems like we're imputing a lot of nefarious motivations on this guy's behavior-- for example, that he "has" to view other BBWs or read stories in order to be able to want to have sex with bigtallcutie. But this flies in the face of what he's apparently explicitly told her, which is not that its something that he needs to do to find her attractive, but rather that it enhances his attraction to her and his sexual experience. How do we know that the gentleman isn't looking at these pictures in order to remind himself of his blessings; that in this or that way, the models he sees here or elsewhere could not match up to bigtallcutie? How do we know that he is not looking for ways to turn up the heat for both of them when he gets to the bedroom?

I think a blanket statement about this sort of situation is impossible without knowing more, and I wouldn't rush to judgment one way or the other about it.
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Old 06-27-2010, 11:22 AM   #27
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I think some of the conversation is no longer about the OP's situation. Just what happens when more ideas and thoughts are thrown into the ring.

Now, THIS line of yours is a little ummmmm - " How do we know that the gentleman isn't looking at these pictures in order to remind himself of his blessings; that in this or that way, the models he sees here or elsewhere could not match up to bigtallcutie? "

LOL

" yeah...oh yeah...mmmmmmm....hafta look at more of these pictures to remind myself of how luckyyyyyy...one more...OK, two more!!...OK, one more, as my actual woman is waiting for me in our bedroom....I will be back to you lesser women, tomorrow...to remind myself....oh hell.....I hear my baby snoring....OK....5 more!! ".

Come on...you don't like the way the conversation moves, but you come up with that?
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Old 06-27-2010, 11:27 AM   #28
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When it comes to discussing somebody else's sex life, yes, it's going to be mostly guesswork because you're not inside that person's mind.

Attributing negative intentions towards the OP's partner is short sighted at best. I'd at least offer him the benefit of the doubt and say he's clearly not aiming to hurt or insult her if for no other reason he's clearly being honest about what he's doing. This is not a situation where he's jerking off in private or quickly shutting off the computer when she comes looking for him. He's not bedding a thin woman while reading Dims or Fantasy Feeder or cruising BBW dating sites. He's not leaving her alone while going to a bash and trying to hook up with somebody else.
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Old 06-27-2010, 11:36 AM   #29
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It's one thing to use porn to get off when your partner isn't around (though wouldn't it be nice if you just fantasised about your partner?) but to use it to get yourself "revved up" before having sex is just insensitive
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Old 06-27-2010, 11:40 AM   #30
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Treating somebody respectfully is a choice, sexuality is not.
I'm not sure these 2 things are mutually exclusive. I'm a sexual person, but with that said, I was raised to treat people with respect, and to expect that in return. That doesn't mean that when my "partner" and I are done, that we say "Thanks" to each other.

To me, and this is why I struggle with your quoted statement, it means putting my partner's needs before my own, knowing (or at least hoping) that my needs will be met in return. So, while my sexuality, and FA preferences have been defined and elaborated for me over the years, my core values tell me that it just wouldn't be nice to get "fluffed" by Dimensions, then turn up in my bedroom to do the horizontal lambada with the woman in my bed.
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Old 06-27-2010, 11:46 AM   #31
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I'm not saying they are mutually exclusive, but rather that it's possible he simply needs certain stimuli to get aroused.

As i said upthread this is all guessing, but there is a difference between, say, looking at a vanilla paysite photo of a girl in lingerie, and reading a story about body inflation, instant weight gain, or immobility. It's possible what turns him on his something he either can't experience IRL (such as inflation) or doesn't want to (such as an immobile partner or one whose quality of life is diminished by her size). He may just need things that a real situation can not provide, but he obviously wants to be in bed with her or he wouldn't be. If you read her other posts, she says he is a good person and this is her only complaint, so obviously this is not a man rejecting a real person or a real situation in favor of fantasy.
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Old 07-01-2010, 10:14 AM   #32
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Out of curiosity, did you wonder if your boyfriend will read this post -- after all, you did mention that he does frequent Dims.
Well, I wondered I guess. But is that like wondering if he's reading Playboy for the articles? lol

I should clarify that the dims/sex thing is not a frequent occurance at all. I can only think of two occasions. But, those few times I put 2 and 2 together, it made me uncomfortable. I think the bottom line is: fantasy without me= masturbation. Fantasy with me= great sex. and try not to mix the two. Does that make sense?
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Old 07-03-2010, 05:59 PM   #33
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Well for myself it wouldn't. The men on the other side of the screen don't get to see the horny wife after all.
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Old 07-03-2010, 06:02 PM   #34
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Even for love, there are certainly people I have met who honestly believe that the "one" part should be expunged from marriage laws as well as the opposite genders.
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Old 07-03-2010, 08:57 PM   #35
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I really don't think this is about why he is doing what he is doing. It is about how it makes her feel. I know that if my significant other needed someone else to rev him up it would make me feel like less of a woman and not the ultimate desire I want to be and what he needs. It would put a dent in my self confidence as a woman. I would automatically question my abilities as a lover and partner if he needed to go elsewhere for arousal .... not that I would try to its a sub conscious decision... even if a man needs someone else to get him "READY" don't let us know ,make us feel like we are the only thing you will ever need or desire... and i promise you that if you do that we will be more open minded, more confident, and better lovers ... it could turn your sex life around its not always about open honest conversation ..sometimes in this case feelings SHOULD be spared....because once you commit to someone and drop the L bomb.... that person should be your only desire sexually( at least make them think that) i prefer the term ignorance is bliss in this situation .... because sexually i wouldn't want to wonder who my man is thinking of every time we would have sex..that would kill me emotionally.... i understand men have there desires and fantasies ..and you can embrace them together .....I would just want to be the main female role in those fantasies......"""""so I really don't know what to say to you tallcutie its like one of those things you cant take back once you know ... i hope you can cope with his need.... .

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Old 07-03-2010, 09:03 PM   #36
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Listen, I have celebrity crushes, I look at pictures of Russell Wong and salivate. I think about touching him in all the wrong places. He is so hot. But does that mean I don't think my loved one is sexy and lovable? A fantasy is a fantasy, just that.
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Old 07-04-2010, 01:10 AM   #37
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I really don't think this is about why he is doing what he is doing. It is about how it makes her feel. I know that if my significant other needed someone else to rev him up it would make me feel like less of a woman and not the ultimate desire I want to be and what he needs. It would put a dent in my self confidence as a woman. I would automatically question my abilities as a lover and partner if he needed to go elsewhere for arousal .... not that I would try to its a sub conscious decision... even if a man needs someone else to get him "READY" don't let us know ,make us feel like we are the only thing you will ever need or desire... and i promise you that if you do that we will be more open minded, more confident, and better lovers ... it could turn your sex life around its not always about open honest conversation ..sometimes in this case feelings SHOULD be spared....because once you commit to someone and drop the L bomb.... that person should be your only desire sexually( at least make them think that) i prefer the term ignorance is bliss in this situation .... because sexually i wouldn't want to wonder who my man is thinking of every time we would have sex..that would kill me emotionally.... i understand men have there desires and fantasies ..and you can embrace them together .....I would just want to be the main female role in those fantasies......"""""so I really don't know what to say to you tallcutie its like one of those things you cant take back once you know ... i hope you can cope with his need.... .
Yes! This exactly
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Old 07-08-2010, 03:47 PM   #38
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My wife has always told me that she understands men are more visually perceptive, so she has no problem if I like to look at Dims or other sites. She also says she doesn't care where I get my appetite from, as long as I come home to eat.
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Old 07-08-2010, 04:12 PM   #39
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Bbbbbbbullshite on the " men are more visual " thang. If we had created a different world, we don't know if more women would be as upfront about what they ' notice '. Plenty of men look, but some not so much when it comes to porn. It's the same with women. And a person can be as affected by a quick glance backed up by imagination, as somebody sitting at a computer, looking at pictures, right before you go to your lover. Eh, it just seems to be the go-to chant when these kinds of discussions come up. Some say women are hyperviglilant when it comes to noticing pretty much everything...but we are to believe that stops when it comes to being very visual when it comes to sex? Oh...so silly. And I am betting that some men...some...would not be as OK with waiting in bed, knowing your honey is in the other room looking at pictures of men in order to get ready for you. A kinda steady diet of that, and it would affect you...it would.
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Old 07-09-2010, 08:43 PM   #40
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My wife has always told me that she understands men are more visually perceptive, so she has no problem if I like to look at Dims or other sites. She also says she doesn't care where I get my appetite from, as long as I come home to eat.
My wife feels the same way.
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Old 07-31-2011, 10:05 PM   #41
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Yup, I'm the afore mentioned wife of Bigbri. And, no, I don't wait in the bedroom whilst he is in the other room looking at porn to get 'in the mood'. That has never happened nor would I tolerate it.

I'm taking about enjoying looking at attractive women, where ever and when ever they are encountered. He's polite about it, doesn't drool excessively, and never compares me to what he has seen or admired.

I've never understood why I'm supposed to be upset that my man likes to look at attractive women! What should I want him to look at? Attractive men?!? NTTAWWT And the fact that he likes to look at big women is a special bonus. I never worry that he will look at me and just see fat. He sees something he likes! Why should this upset me?

Now, touching, that's another matter! Look all you want but save touching for me!

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Old 08-01-2011, 08:33 PM   #42
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I see a lot of discussion about how some of you "will not tolerate" a man's sexual fetishes, if it interferes with your self confidence. A question I have actually is what about the man's needs? Why the lack of tolerance for individual needs? How would you feel, if you tell your man about some "deep" sexual need you had, or some fetish that really revs your motor (insert your particular fetish here) and your man tells you that you need to get over it and that he won't tolerate it because it makes him feel like less of a man? Doesn't matter WHAT the fetish is, it's immaterial here. The point is that your man obviously feels disrespected by it. Are you going to give up whatever it is, suppress that fetish and deny yourself your needs because he has a hangup about it?

You might answer that you would be that benevolent but I surmise that it's not that easy. If your man told you that you had to throw away your vibrators/dildos and never touch them again because it makes him feel like less of a man, like his cock is not enough for you, you might not understand his hang up and might even tell him to get over his hang up because it's what you need.

Fetishes are personal, they are what they are because your brain is designed to fetishize certain things to give you power over them. Women at times fetishize rape fantasies (at times) because they may have been traumatized in the past... raped or molested, and safely repeating that experience with a loved one can help them cope with the experience because during the fetish act, they can say no and it stops. They control the experience, whereas before they had no control over it. Human psyche is loaded with coping mechanisms. But then, sometimes you will never convince people that an inconvenient truth is true, simply because science says it is. So I am sure some will simply say "bullshit" to anything that validates a behavior they don't like personally. That too, is a coping mechanism.
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Old 08-01-2011, 09:12 PM   #43
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I see a lot of discussion about how some of you "will not tolerate" a man's sexual fetishes, if it interferes with your self confidence. A question I have actually is what about the man's needs? Why the lack of tolerance for individual needs? How would you feel, if you tell your man about some "deep" sexual need you had, or some fetish that really revs your motor (insert your particular fetish here) and your man tells you that you need to get over it and that he won't tolerate it because it makes him feel like less of a man? Doesn't matter WHAT the fetish is, it's immaterial here. The point is that your man obviously feels disrespected by it. Are you going to give up whatever it is, suppress that fetish and deny yourself your needs because he has a hangup about it?

You might answer that you would be that benevolent but I surmise that it's not that easy. If your man told you that you had to throw away your vibrators/dildos and never touch them again because it makes him feel like less of a man, like his cock is not enough for you, you might not understand his hang up and might even tell him to get over his hang up because it's what
you need.

Fetishes are personal, they are what they are because your brain is designed to fetishize certain things to give you power over them. Women at times fetishize rape fantasies (at times) because they may have been traumatized in the past... raped or molested, and safely repeating that experience with a loved one can help them cope with the experience because during the fetish act, they can say no and it stops. They control the experience, whereas before they had no control over it. Human psyche is loaded with coping mechanisms. But then, sometimes you will never convince people that an inconvenient truth is true, simply because science says it is. So I am sure some will simply say "bullshit" to anything that validates a behavior they don't like personally. That too, is a coping mechanism.
If my man felt disrespected about any fetishes or desires that I had, then yes I would consider giving them up. Saying that, I doubt it would happen as I have one of the most supportive and broad minded of partners, and in this I am incredibly blessed.

A healthy relationship is to me, based on among other things, mutual respect. But I guess it depends on what is more important to each person. I don't want to be berated for not being a forward thinking woman, but when I love someone then their needs are incredibly important to me and I will do what I can to make him happy and he would do the same for me.
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Old 08-02-2011, 04:39 AM   #44
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Speaking from the man's perspective. He's doing anything he can and exploring new things in order to sexually please you.

I would know, I've been in those situations before. He's not reading those stories to get off for the sake of getting off, he's using it as a tool to get ready for you.

Its no different than a woman using a vibrator before hubby comes home from work or something like that.
Exactly. Or even if he isn't doing it as a pit stop before finishing the Daytona 500 with you (Lame analogy but I was watching The Ballad of Ricky Bobby) who is he with in the end? There is nothing wrong with a lil fantasy because that is all it is, fantasy. Romance novels, toys, even going to a stronger method such as porn... these are all tools to spice things up. I'm sure he isn't thinking of the individual that is posting the stories but more so just the thought of someone being in that scenario that gets him going. All in all you have nothing to fear really. Without that lil bit of fantasy there wouldn't be those times that he comes up ready to go. Always remember that he is coming to you, no one else. That in itself shows that its you on his mind as he didn't go blow a load in the lavatory. If it is more of a emotional thing then of course talk to him about it. Be straight out because there's nothing worse than beating around the bush... unless it's in a naughty way then hey hey hey. We are all here for that bit of backing support. I hope all our comments helped a little because. I remember I use to get so jealous over this stuff til my peers at the time reminded me that it was all in the imagination... Eventually I realized that there was nothing to fret about. Much luck love
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