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Old 06-24-2010, 08:03 AM   #1
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Default Being a FA a sexual issue?

Whenever there's an issue over FAs' commitment to size acceptance, there'll inevitably be the charge that FAs are only in it for sexual reasons. From there, things then quickly degenerate into name calling, insinuations, etc., etc.

In my personal experience over the past gawd knows how many decades, nothing could be farther from the truth. In my time at NAAFA, I saw FAs of both genders among the most reliable, tireless and dedicated volunteers and supporters of the movement. While many fat people dropped out when they decided to lose weight or found a significant other, that did not apply to FAs.

In my own experience, being attracted to fatness and feeling outrage at the shabby treatment afforded to fat people always went hand in hand. It seemed self-evident to me that there should be a size acceptance movement long before I discovered that there actually was (a fledgling) one.

Likewise, while having a fat partner is certainly our sexual preference, fatness itself and a fat partner are about so much more than just eroticism. I find the visuals of a fat body endlessly pleasing, the feel of a fat body warm and comforting in a way that never loses its awesomeness. There are forces at work here that far transcend the mere sexual.
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Old 06-24-2010, 08:22 AM   #2
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Originally Posted by Webmaster View Post
Whenever there's an issue over FAs' commitment to size acceptance, there'll inevitably be the charge that FAs are only in it for sexual reasons. From there, things then quickly degenerate into name calling, insinuations, etc., etc.

In my personal experience over the past gawd knows how many decades, nothing could be farther from the truth. In my time at NAAFA, I saw FAs of both genders among the most reliable, tireless and dedicated volunteers and supporters of the movement. While many fat people dropped out when they decided to lose weight or found a significant other, that did not apply to FAs.

In my own experience, being attracted to fatness and feeling outrage at the shabby treatment afforded to fat people always went hand in hand. It seemed self-evident to me that there should be a size acceptance movement long before I discovered that there actually was (a fledgling) one.

Likewise, while having a fat partner is certainly our sexual preference, fatness itself and a fat partner are about so much more than just eroticism. I find the visuals of a fat body endlessly pleasing, the feel of a fat body warm and comforting in a way that never loses its awesomeness. There are forces at work here that far transcend the mere sexual.
I don't doubt that this is true, within the context of a size acceptance movement like NAAFA. Here at Dimensions, a great deal of discussion revolves around sex/sexuality, and many of the FA's do, in fact, seem overtly focused on that aspect.

Sure, there are fat men and women who decide to lose weight and then 'abandon' the movement. I'm sure that statistically, though, they are no more significant than an FA who is only interested in sex with fat men or women.
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Old 06-24-2010, 08:25 AM   #3
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In my own experience, being attracted to fatness and feeling outrage at the shabby treatment afforded to fat people always went hand in hand.
Very much agreed, although I admit that I didn't fully realize this until after I knew what I was attracted to and aroused by. I came into this whole thing because for sexual reasons; but I promote size acceptance because it's the right thing to do. It would be regardless of what turns me on, but now I've got a more personal reason to support it as well.
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Old 06-24-2010, 02:02 PM   #4
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Webmaster View Post
Whenever there's an issue over FAs' commitment to size acceptance, there'll inevitably be the charge that FAs are only in it for sexual reasons. From there, things then quickly degenerate into name calling, insinuations, etc., etc.

In my personal experience over the past gawd knows how many decades, nothing could be farther from the truth. In my time at NAAFA, I saw FAs of both genders among the most reliable, tireless and dedicated volunteers and supporters of the movement. While many fat people dropped out when they decided to lose weight or found a significant other, that did not apply to FAs.

In my own experience, being attracted to fatness and feeling outrage at the shabby treatment afforded to fat people always went hand in hand. It seemed self-evident to me that there should be a size acceptance movement long before I discovered that there actually was (a fledgling) one.

Likewise, while having a fat partner is certainly our sexual preference, fatness itself and a fat partner are about so much more than just eroticism. I find the visuals of a fat body endlessly pleasing, the feel of a fat body warm and comforting in a way that never loses its awesomeness. There are forces at work here that far transcend the mere sexual.
In my opinion, and possibly in the opinions of others, being an FA is a sexual thing. FA's like the physical appearance of fat on others, plain and simple. Granted there are FA's who are dedicated to promoting the ideals of size acceptance- however, I'd say the majority of FA posters and lurkers on this site are here primarily for the sexual aspect. Many BBW and BHM get PM'ed by FA's who are more than offensive; I know this because I've had my share of creepers contacting me, asking about my size and if I want to gain and how sexy I am. It gives FA's a bad name. It really truly does.

So basically, its not FAs in general getting the bad reputation, its just the ones on here and other boards on the internet.
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Old 06-24-2010, 03:11 PM   #5
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In my opinion, and possibly in the opinions of others, being an FA is a sexual thing. FA's like the physical appearance of fat on others, plain and simple. Granted there are FA's who are dedicated to promoting the ideals of size acceptance- however, I'd say the majority of FA posters and lurkers on this site are here primarily for the sexual aspect. Many BBW and BHM get PM'ed by FA's who are more than offensive; I know this because I've had my share of creepers contacting me, asking about my size and if I want to gain and how sexy I am. It gives FA's a bad name. It really truly does.

So basically, its not FAs in general getting the bad reputation, its just the ones on here and other boards on the internet.
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Old 06-24-2010, 05:51 PM   #6
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I think any generalizations about different groups in this "community" known as Dimensions does a disservice to those who make them.

While there may be an element of truth to Msbard90's statement about the FA's who lurk here, and on other forums, I think that the responses made by both BlackJack and joswitch have some merit as well.

For me, here's the thing. The guys who will argue that FA's are in the size acceptance movement are the guys who are posting here that they are in fact, in the size acceptance movement. The rest of them are guests that scour the boards for pron, plain and simple.

It reminds me of when we were in the planning stages for one of the New Jersey Bashes, and a suggestion was made that we have a FA roundtable discussion about Bash Etiquette, how to approach women at the dance, talking with women in chat who are attending, etc.

My response was, and I still believe this, is that the guys who would attend this wouldn't really need the help, and the ones who did would be hitting up the ladies all weekend, and would be too busy to think about bash etiquette. It's very similar to what goes on here, and while it seems bad to many of you, it's not all FA's that could care less about size acceptance, just most.
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Old 06-24-2010, 06:17 PM   #7
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I agree with what Phil said.

I think the argument isn't so much to say that being an fa isn't solely a sexual issue, but that the notion that the only reason someone that is an FA would fight for size acceptance is for sexual reasons is flawed and inaccurate.
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Old 06-24-2010, 07:47 PM   #8
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First, there are trolls and pervs of every persuasion, Fas didn't invent interwebs trolling.

This goes back to something I had posted elsewhere, most fat people don't necessarily want to be fat and if they want badly enough to change it they will find a way. Fas, on the other hand, tend to like fatness for life. If they are of the socially aware sort they will involve themselves in some type of fat activism. As a fat FA I'm somewhat of a rarity and I engage in appropriate activism not only because of my attraction but also due to personal need.
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Old 06-24-2010, 07:57 PM   #9
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In my experience most FA's are not very nice. The ones that have crossed my path are almost always in it for sex. They are usually married/dating a skinny chick and want to live out fantasies with a fatty. It is very upsetting. I constantly hear (and can tell my own) stories of how these men have dogged friends of mine. It makes me so angry! I definitely keep my guard up when I meet a self proclaimed "FA" in real life.

You can not imagine all the disgusting emails, IM's and requests I get online from "FAs". I had to put all my contacts on a private list because I could not deal with it anymore. It repulses me.

Of course not all "FAs" are like the ones I described. The ones that actively participate (not just the paysite board) in the community are usually always respectful and caring. It is a breath of fresh air.

I remember at one of the bashes we all went out to eat. They had to sit some of us at booths. With out hesitation the "FAs" got up and took the booth seating. What a WOW moment. They knew our needs and acted on it without missing a beat. If this happened in any other group setting there would have been a lot of embarrassment or discomfort. If all "FAs" were like them, there would be so many happy fat people in the world.

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Old 06-24-2010, 08:17 PM   #10
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I'm sorry that's your experience, Toni. It's not mine and I'm very thankful for that.

Sure, I've run across assholes online, but I don't care what they think they are - they're not FAs, they're just random guys trying screw someone, fat, thin, tall, short, white, black, whatever - if you have the right parts, they'll try to do you.

The FAs I know aren't perfect men - perfect doesn't exist, but they're good men who have interests and desires in life and women that go well beyond fat. They're friends, partners of friends, exes, etc... again, they're not Knights in Shining Armor, but they're well-meaning and engaged. Mix that all in with attraction and some chemistry? Yes, please.
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Old 06-24-2010, 08:43 PM   #11
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I'm sorry that's your experience, Toni. It's not mine and I'm very thankful for that.

Sure, I've run across assholes online, but I don't care what they think they are - they're not FAs, they're just random guys trying screw someone, fat, thin, tall, short, white, black, whatever - if you have the right parts, they'll try to do you.

The FAs I know aren't perfect men - perfect doesn't exist, but they're good men who have interests and desires in life and women that go well beyond fat. They're friends, partners of friends, exes, etc... again, they're not Knights in Shining Armor, but they're well-meaning and engaged. Mix that all in with attraction and some chemistry? Yes, please.
Great! I am happy for you.

They are assholes online and I don't pay them any attention. I have strict rules and I do not date online. However, it is so common I had to mention it.

I am glad YOU don't feel they are FAs however they identify with it. They use the word and they are out there targeting fat chicks. If you want to ignore the negative side. That is on you.

I like to keep a realistic view of the world. I gave the pros and the cons of both sides. I will recognize both good and bad qualities.

I am an adult and not searching for a knight in shinning armor. I am not perfect and expect perfection from no one.
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Old 06-25-2010, 02:13 AM   #12
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Well you can easily argue that being gay is only a sexual issue, but that doesn't stop gay activism. The only difference between a homosexual or heterosexual is what you're attracted to. There are straight men and women who support gay rights, not because it affects them but because they disagree with discrimination based on sexual orientation.

Quote:
While many fat people dropped out when they decided to lose weight or found a significant other, that did not apply to FAs.
Fat people can stop being fat but FAs are not going to stop being FAs.

But about the sex/activism thing, there are also gays who pointedly don't go to pride marches or call their congressman about LGBT matters because they believe their sexuality is just that, sexuality, and not a civil rights statement. Being an FA is just how you are, it's not something you choose. I disagree with the idea that you're somehow expected to pay for your innate sexuality by boycotting Southwest or writing your state representative to encourage passage of a size discrimination law.

I also don't think you need to rationalize your attitudes towards SA or towards FA as a "sexual thing". What matters is how you treat others. Sending rude emails or PMs, cheating on your wife, or being dishonest and manipulative are all wrong simply because they're wrong. They're not more or less wrong when done by an FA in pursuit of sexual gratification.

What would fascinate the heck out of me is if there were a fat woman married to an honest, respectful, faithful man who was not an FA who went to bashes just to find an FA who'd get off on grabbing her fat rolls or indulging in fat talk. There was a post on the BBW board about a woman who worried because her partner didn't see her as a sex object and nonwithstanding his love for her as an individual, she wanted to be seen as sexual and desirable for her body. If there are FA married to skinny women who they're not sexually attracted to it should stand to reason there are fat women married to non-FA who are not sexually attracted to them.
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Old 06-25-2010, 06:41 AM   #13
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Originally Posted by msbard90 View Post
In my opinion, and possibly in the opinions of others, being an FA is a sexual thing. FA's like the physical appearance of fat on others, plain and simple. Granted there are FA's who are dedicated to promoting the ideals of size acceptance- however, I'd say the majority of FA posters and lurkers on this site are here primarily for the sexual aspect. Many BBW and BHM get PM'ed by FA's who are more than offensive; I know this because I've had my share of creepers contacting me, asking about my size and if I want to gain and how sexy I am. It gives FA's a bad name. It really truly does.

So basically, its not FAs in general getting the bad reputation, its just the ones on here and other boards on the internet.
Gotta agree with msbard90 regarding the bulk of FA posters & lurkers on here. Heck, when you see that the majority of them are on the paysite boards section, it tells you something. Right now at 8:37 am, there's 219 people on the paysite boards section while the "Main Dimensions" board is only at 25 people.

I feel bad for the women that get harrassed out here by creepy guys that contact them and make comments that are sexual in nature. My guess is these guys wouldn't make such comments to just anyone if they were out in public at a bar or something (but then again, who knows, maybe they might).

So, a message from me to THOSE types of guys out there: just because you're on the internet doesn't give you the right to be disrespectful to these women -- after all, they are real people, just like you are. Show some f**king class.
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Old 06-25-2010, 06:55 AM   #14
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You might need to post that on the paysite side for maximum effect.
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Old 06-25-2010, 07:01 AM   #15
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You might need to post that on the paysite side for maximum effect.
Yeah, good point. But then again, since there's nothing on my profile about squashing & facesitting, I'd largely be ignored.
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Old 06-25-2010, 08:41 AM   #16
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Gotta agree with msbard90 regarding the bulk of FA posters & lurkers on here. Heck, when you see that the majority of them are on the paysite boards section, it tells you something. Right now at 8:37 am, there's 219 people on the paysite boards section while the "Main Dimensions" board is only at 25 people.

I feel bad for the women that get harrassed out here by creepy guys that contact them and make comments that are sexual in nature. My guess is these guys wouldn't make such comments to just anyone if they were out in public at a bar or something (but then again, who knows, maybe they might).

So, a message from me to THOSE types of guys out there: just because you're on the internet doesn't give you the right to be disrespectful to these women -- after all, they are real people, just like you are. Show some f**king class.
Except that dims isn't the real world, it's the internet. And it's a funny internet place at that. Telling somebody their weight gain looks great would not happen in the real world. Nobody in the real world posts side by side photgraphs to show off how fat they've gotten and receives wolf whistles and compliments for it. Paysite girls in the real world don't weigh upwards of 500 pounds. I get my own share of creepers being an FFA/feeder but I dont' expect to come to an adult website and talk about how hot feederism is and be able to avoid the creeps.

And while i know not everyone is here for the sexual aspect of this site, the sexual aspect is here and it's prevalent. I'm not talking about fetishism, just the fact that this IS a site limited to adults, there is a paysite forum and there are boards regarding sexuality. It is an adult site and site visitors are going to be unable to distinguish who's here for reasons different from their own.
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Old 06-25-2010, 08:47 AM   #17
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Except that dims isn't the real world, it's the internet. And it's a funny internet place at that. Telling somebody their weight gain looks great would not happen in the real world. Nobody in the real world posts side by side photgraphs to show off how fat they've gotten and receives wolf whistles and compliments for it. Paysite girls in the real world don't weigh upwards of 500 pounds.
In other news, members of Dimensions do not exist in reality, and any photographs of them are fabrications and manipulations. The bulk of the membership is made up of "ghosts in the machine"- random bits of code become sentient that seem to like fat girls.

Oh, and all those times that I've met 450+ lb girls (including paysite models) and said they look great and all that is a figment of my imagination, a hallucination brought on by an inability to cope with the tragic realities of my life.
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Old 06-25-2010, 08:52 AM   #18
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Originally Posted by wrestlingguy View Post
It reminds me of when we were in the planning stages for one of the New Jersey Bashes, and a suggestion was made that we have a FA roundtable discussion about Bash Etiquette, how to approach women at the dance, talking with women in chat who are attending, etc.

My response was, and I still believe this, is that the guys who would attend this wouldn't really need the help, and the ones who did would be hitting up the ladies all weekend, and would be too busy to think about bash etiquette. It's very similar to what goes on here, and while it seems bad to many of you, it's not all FA's that could care less about size acceptance, just most.
I think its just more of a guy thing..not just FA. I was rather shocked that a lot of the single BHM's don't care about SA either. They are just looking for FFA's(or FA's). When I posted I was single I got tons of Bhm's coming out of the woodwork. Thats when I took notice of the "view count bar" in comparison to the actual number of posts.
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secret turn on.....Genuine affection :)
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Old 06-25-2010, 09:15 AM   #19
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Originally Posted by toni View Post
In my experience most FA's are not very nice. The ones that have crossed my path are almost always in it for sex. They are usually married/dating a skinny chick and want to live out fantasies with a fatty. It is very upsetting. I constantly hear (and can tell my own) stories of how these men have dogged friends of mine. It makes me so angry! I definitely keep my guard up when I meet a self proclaimed "FA" in real life.
.
I was surprised to find other FFA's but I was even more surprised that there was a term to described my brothers..Closet FA's..yikes. Honestly, my brothers and I don't talk because they get tired of me calling them on their bs and I am tired of being associated with them. Its a small town when your a native.
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secret turn on.....Genuine affection :)
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Old 06-25-2010, 09:22 AM   #20
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Originally Posted by Blackjack View Post
In other news, members of Dimensions do not exist in reality, and any photographs of them are fabrications and manipulations. The bulk of the membership is made up of "ghosts in the machine"- random bits of code become sentient that seem to like fat girls.

Oh, and all those times that I've met 450+ lb girls (including paysite models) and said they look great and all that is a figment of my imagination, a hallucination brought on by an inability to cope with the tragic realities of my life.
I was talking about this particular venue, not how individuals think or act in the real world.
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Old 06-25-2010, 09:31 AM   #21
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Originally Posted by LoveBHMS View Post
I was talking about this particular venue, not how individuals think or act in the real world.
Except that this stuff does happen "in the real world", not just on the internet.
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Old 06-25-2010, 09:39 AM   #22
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Originally Posted by Blackjack View Post
Except that this stuff does happen "in the real world", not just on the internet.
It happens in the real world within the community, not within the day to day lives of the average non-east coast dwelling non-plugged into the bash circuit FA. For most FA, they are not going to be in situations where they can tell women how fabulous they look with the fifty pounds they just gained, nor can they share those thoughts with other men. If a friend says she no longer fits into her size 30's, there are very few real-world situations where the guy can say how sexy that is and have the girl believe him. This is your world but it's NOT the average straight male FA's world.
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Old 06-25-2010, 10:30 AM   #23
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Originally Posted by LoveBHMS View Post
It happens in the real world within the community, not within the day to day lives of the average non-east coast dwelling non-plugged into the bash circuit FA. For most FA, they are not going to be in situations where they can tell women how fabulous they look with the fifty pounds they just gained, nor can they share those thoughts with other men. If a friend says she no longer fits into her size 30's, there are very few real-world situations where the guy can say how sexy that is and have the girl believe him. This is your world but it's NOT the average straight male FA's world.
not yet it's not.........................
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Old 06-25-2010, 11:22 AM   #24
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Yeah, good point. But then again, since there's nothing on my profile about squashing & facesitting, I'd largely be ignored.

You would need a sexy title for sure.
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Old 06-25-2010, 12:04 PM   #25
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This may be a distinction without a difference, but I guess I'd take issue with the false dichotomy between the "merely" sexual and the political. I agree that we can't reduce an attraction to fat women to simple impulses, but I also think that much of what Conrad describes as activism that goes beyond being "merely sexual" could also be described as sexual. There's nothing "mere" about sexuality, I think, since even for the fappiest of paysite contributors sexuality is not just about physicality but is an extremely complex mental construct of one's own identity based on a sense of self-esteem or lack thereof, a conglomeration of memories of past happiness and past gratification, and a sense of self-expression. If we take a positive view of sex, I don't think there's anything wrong with saying that size acceptance activism evolves from a sexual place in FAs.
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