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Old 06-25-2010, 01:15 PM   #26
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Originally Posted by LoveBHMS View Post
I also don't think you need to rationalize your attitudes towards SA or towards FA as a "sexual thing". What matters is how you treat others. Sending rude emails or PMs, cheating on your wife, or being dishonest and manipulative are all wrong simply because they're wrong. They're not more or less wrong when done by an FA in pursuit of sexual gratification.
Well said.

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If there are FA married to skinny women who they're not sexually attracted to it should stand to reason there are fat women married to non-FA who are not sexually attracted to them.
Yes, indeed. I like to think that publicizing the SA movement, and even the existence of FAs, can help people avoid these types of mismatches. It is important for us to point out that people don't have to go through life unloved and unappreciated, despite what society and/or their parents might have drummed into them about their weight.
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Old 06-25-2010, 05:28 PM   #27
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In my opinion, and possibly in the opinions of others, being an FA is a sexual thing. FA's like the physical appearance of fat on others, plain and simple. Granted there are FA's who are dedicated to promoting the ideals of size acceptance- however, I'd say the majority of FA posters and lurkers on this site are here primarily for the sexual aspect. Many BBW and BHM get PM'ed by FA's who are more than offensive; I know this because I've had my share of creepers contacting me, asking about my size and if I want to gain and how sexy I am. It gives FA's a bad name. It really truly does.

So basically, its not FAs in general getting the bad reputation, its just the ones on here and other boards on the internet.
i can agree with this to a large extent. and also there many who are at the forefront of SA aren't always what they appear to be on the surface. they purposefully cultivate the good guy image verbally and virtually but IRL their actions don't always live up to the hype. its inevitable, relationships can be messy. unfortunately a messy relationship involving people where fat is such a central issue is going to impact on how FAs are perceived when it comes to their dedication. thats why i feel its very hard for FAs to be taken very seriously in SA. what you know, feel and understand intellectually does not always apply when it comes to emotions and actions.

lets face it, BBWs and SSBBWs especially are very hard to find. where else can guys have access to that number in one place at one time. i actually empathize because most SSBBWs don't come out from hiding much in real life. things can be so tough for them physically that they find that after a day of work etc... all they can do is get home and get the shoes off etc...and they don't often take a guy seriously who approaches them in public. in a way it probably feels like a game of sexual keep away to guys. so while other men have women of their type flowing through their lives freely at every turn FAs don't.

for a lot of guys there is nowhere but SA events or basic BBW events where they can approach them in ways where they won't be automatically rebuffed. so i think it would be entirely unrealistic for them to say that sexual drives have absolutely nothing to do with their actions thoughts and political stance when they are faced with the sudden and overwhelming availability of women of their type. i have heard too many guys say outright that if it weren't for the BBWs they wouldn't be there. there is nothing wrong with men being attracted to fat women and working on their behalf but we've got to be straight with each other if we want a good honest dialog that helps us all. i have personally never heard of or seen an SA event composed of all FAs. that would be nice if it could happen. it would probably bond them together better as well too.

underneath it all FAs are just guys. some just have more issues than most since they don't often have the confidence to go after and be comfortable with what they like when they are out in the rest of the world. then also the community has tended to coddle them and stunt their social development. i think many of them have a good heart but they are not always in control of themselves their emotions or actions. often they aren't honest with themselves about their own drives and prejudices. that doesn't make them all horrible people. but its the reality.

its natural for people to doubt you if they see you doing and hear you saying things that aren't SA. the only way to change that is to get some self discipline and to stop making excuses the way other men have had to do when they want to be taken seriously by women. BBWs are doing someone a big favor when they don't let an FA get away with inappropriate behavior and even perhaps his own socially bigoted thought processes just as BBWs sometimes have. anyone can delude themselves into thinking they are SA, especially if they aren't willing to hear a critique. prejudice can warp anyone--even the people who feel they love you most.

a lot of FAs wouldn't be so hurt by how they were perceived if they really knew what BBWs face on a daily basis from men who are supposed to admire them. FAs are human. they aren't perfect. they aren't supermen just because they enjoy us. they are just guys like any other and some have a monkey on their back that has absolutely nothing to do with their love interest being fat--then again sometimes it does. but a lot of FAs never get to see that part of other FAs because they never get shown that side. being intimately unaware would of course make a lot of FAs feel miscategorized and misunderstood. but they have to remember that a lot of BBWs know hundreds of FAs, at least online, and they ( most FAs) probably generally only know a handful and only on an acquaintance level.
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Old 06-26-2010, 03:23 AM   #28
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lets face it, BBWs and SSBBWs especially are very hard to find. where else can guys have access to that number in one place at one time. i actually empathize because most SSBBWs don't come out from hiding much in real life.
You can't be serious.

See this is one of those things that if a man wrote, everyone would go batshit on him and point out all the things that SS women (and men) do every single day. SS people do all the same things everyone else does, except maybe not ballet or runway modeling. This board has even gone back and forth over the correctness of "sitings" posts where FA talk about this really fat person they saw someplace doing something. Even the controversial posts about how gross it is when fat women eat on trains or hot sexy it is when they get out of cars, they all happened because the fat people were out from hiding.

They're not hard to find because they're out everywhere doing everything.
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Old 06-26-2010, 07:12 AM   #29
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Originally Posted by LoveBHMS View Post
You can't be serious.

See this is one of those things that if a man wrote, everyone would go batshit on him and point out all the things that SS women (and men) do every single day. SS people do all the same things everyone else does, except maybe not ballet or runway modeling. This board has even gone back and forth over the correctness of "sitings" posts where FA talk about this really fat person they saw someplace doing something. Even the controversial posts about how gross it is when fat women eat on trains or hot sexy it is when they get out of cars, they all happened because the fat people were out from hiding.

They're not hard to find because they're out everywhere doing everything.
Whether or not this is true depends very much on where in the world you live.
Contrary to the bleating of fatphobic media, big foks ARE fewer and further between outside the USA...
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Old 06-26-2010, 07:35 AM   #30
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Originally Posted by superodalisque View Post
i can agree with this to a large extent. and also there many who are at the forefront of SA aren't always what they appear to be on the surface. they purposefully cultivate the good guy image verbally and virtually but IRL their actions don't always live up to the hype. its inevitable, relationships can be messy. unfortunately a messy relationship involving people where fat is such a central issue is going to impact on how FAs are perceived when it comes to their dedication. thats why i feel its very hard for FAs to be taken very seriously in SA. what you know, feel and understand intellectually does not always apply when it comes to emotions and actions.

lets face it, BBWs and SSBBWs especially are very hard to find. where else can guys have access to that number in one place at one time. i actually empathize because most SSBBWs don't come out from hiding much in real life. things can be so tough for them physically that they find that after a day of work etc... all they can do is get home and get the shoes off etc...and they don't often take a guy seriously who approaches them in public. in a way it probably feels like a game of sexual keep away to guys. so while other men have women of their type flowing through their lives freely at every turn FAs don't.

for a lot of guys there is nowhere but SA events or basic BBW events where they can approach them in ways where they won't be automatically rebuffed. so i think it would be entirely unrealistic for them to say that sexual drives have absolutely nothing to do with their actions thoughts and political stance when they are faced with the sudden and overwhelming availability of women of their type. i have heard too many guys say outright that if it weren't for the BBWs they wouldn't be there. there is nothing wrong with men being attracted to fat women and working on their behalf but we've got to be straight with each other if we want a good honest dialog that helps us all. i have personally never heard of or seen an SA event composed of all FAs. that would be nice if it could happen. it would probably bond them together better as well too.
^Of course - this is a standard human thing. Our sex / reproductive drives are a HUGE part of who we are. They influence EVERYTHING about us, individually and socially. So to say something is "just" a sexual issue, is an oxymoron IMO. Huge amounts of hypocritical waffle and smokescreens are in place in our society to try and deny this. Humans are not (with notable exceptions) asexual / neuter beings.

Or, to quote Chris Rock:
"If a man could f*ck a woman in a cardboard box - he wouldn't buy a house!"


In a nutshell, the SA movement (and FAs place in it) has fundamental differences from other civil rights movements:

- Fat people who experience prejudice against them first hand, may choose to "opt-out" / become not-fat people (perhaps at some cost in any or all of finances, health, longevity, sanity*) and may see that as an escape from both suffering prejudice and the need to fight against it.

- FAs who experience prejudice second hand against the people they love, may - through empathy - care about it just as much, and wish to fight just as strongly as fat people. But inevitably they have a different POV / perhaps a lack of understanding on any given issue affecting fat people. So they will often be seen as trying to co-opt SA and will be resented for it.
Also: FAs canNOT "opt-out" and become not-FAs, to the best of my knowledge.

So FAs are stuck bewteen a rock and a hard place as far as the SA movement is concerned. FAs who have any empathy at all will want to help. But due to the above^ may not be able to / may not be welcome to.
And unlike fat people they have no "opt-out" of this double bind.


Oh, and of course there will always be a significant number of non-empathic FAs who are quite happy to f*ck fat people without giving a crap about them AS people... But in this treatment by assholes fat people are very far from alone... pretty much everyone has to deal with / brush off these people to some extent.. Although the fat-shaming prevalent in society may make big folks more vulnerable to such assholes....


(*see also WLS, long term mortality data, Meme Roth)
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Old 06-26-2010, 11:18 AM   #31
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You can't be serious.

See this is one of those things that if a man wrote, everyone would go batshit on him and point out all the things that SS women (and men) do every single day. SS people do all the same things everyone else does, except maybe not ballet or runway modeling. This board has even gone back and forth over the correctness of "sitings" posts where FA talk about this really fat person they saw someplace doing something. Even the controversial posts about how gross it is when fat women eat on trains or hot sexy it is when they get out of cars, they all happened because the fat people were out from hiding.

They're not hard to find because they're out everywhere doing everything.
some SSs do but not all. i'm an SS and have many SS friends and i know what the reality of being 400 or 500lbs is. they participate and are active. but its not all of them and not everyday. and certainly not to the extent that other women are. it would be weird to assume the world was teaming with SSs because when you go outside its not. thats part of the reason for prejudice and getting stared at in most places--because its not often common place. many SSs probably aren't hiding but some do find certain social situations difficult. the lack of appropriate accommodation also limits things. it has nothing to do with hiding really. its logistics. and thats why real SA is so important. a lot of FA truly don't understand what limits SSs. they think they do but they don't. its not so much the opinion of society but many practical realities people have to battle everyday. eating in public is not the same as not going somewhere because you are just too tired from often working in a physically painful situation all day to go to a venue where the seats are too small or uncomfortable anyway. it has nothing to do with what other people think of you but everything to do with how you feel physically. your take on what i said is a typical FA misconception. IMO for most of us its not so much about shame etc... its more about comfort and energy.
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Old 06-26-2010, 11:44 AM   #32
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You know what though a ''sexual preference'' doesn't define who I am, yeah I like fat women so what? How am I any differnt then a dude who likes chicks with big tits? I think there are too many people in this community worried about lables, at least thats what I see coming from my age group anyway.

And believe in SA btw, and even if I wasn't a so called ''FA'' I still believe in it..like someone else said it's only right.
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Old 06-26-2010, 11:50 AM   #33
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You know what though a ''sexual preference'' doesn't define who I am, yeah I like fat women so what? How am I any differnt then a dude who likes chicks with big tits? I think there are too many people in this community worried about lables, at least thats what I see coming from my age group anyway.
yes exactly. because people are so into a sexual designation even when it comes to SA is a big part of why there is a problem. if the question had been asked about MEN supporting SA i think a lot of opinions would be different. but always couching fat politics in sexual terms is what makes people so suspect sometimes. also where does that leave men who are not FAs who might have empathy for the movement? does a man have to have a sexual drive to push him toward a human rights issue? i don't think so. its not just your age group bro.
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Old 06-26-2010, 12:09 PM   #34
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^Of course - this is a standard human thing. Our sex / reproductive drives are a HUGE part of who we are. They influence EVERYTHING about us, individually and socially. So to say something is "just" a sexual issue, is an oxymoron IMO. Huge amounts of hypocritical waffle and smokescreens are in place in our society to try and deny this. Humans are not (with notable exceptions) asexual / neuter beings.

Or, to quote Chris Rock:
"If a man could f*ck a woman in a cardboard box - he wouldn't buy a house!"


In a nutshell, the SA movement (and FAs place in it) has fundamental differences from other civil rights movements:

- Fat people who experience prejudice against them first hand, may choose to "opt-out" / become not-fat people (perhaps at some cost in any or all of finances, health, longevity, sanity*) and may see that as an escape from both suffering prejudice and the need to fight against it.

- FAs who experience prejudice second hand against the people they love, may - through empathy - care about it just as much, and wish to fight just as strongly as fat people. But inevitably they have a different POV / perhaps a lack of understanding on any given issue affecting fat people. So they will often be seen as trying to co-opt SA and will be resented for it.
Also: FAs canNOT "opt-out" and become not-FAs, to the best of my knowledge.

So FAs are stuck bewteen a rock and a hard place as far as the SA movement is concerned. FAs who have any empathy at all will want to help. But due to the above^ may not be able to / may not be welcome to.
And unlike fat people they have no "opt-out" of this double bind.


Oh, and of course there will always be a significant number of non-empathic FAs who are quite happy to f*ck fat people without giving a crap about them AS people... But in this treatment by assholes fat people are very far from alone... pretty much everyone has to deal with / brush off these people to some extent.. Although the fat-shaming prevalent in society may make big folks more vulnerable to such assholes....


(*see also WLS, long term mortality data, Meme Roth)

a lot of that makes perfect sense but we can't pretend that FAs have the same number of choices as other men. thats what makes their situation unique. it can intensify the usual interplay between the sexes if you don't see your type as often as you'd like. also not any old fat woman will do for an FA. there are types within types and that further narrows the spectrum. even though there are a lot more fat people here in the US that doesn't make everyone here fat. most of the time at any given moment i'm the only super in an area. even though i live in the south where there are more supers, what i like about bashes is being around a large number of women who are like me. i don;t think an FA would like it any less. if it were so totally common place i don't think any of us would feel that need.

i think many FAs care a lot but sometimes they don't quite get all of the core issues and feel picked on when fat people try to explain how they really feel. why should we have to lie about what we really think? thats what can lead people to believe that just because they are fat it doesn't really matter what they're opinions are, even about themselves. they should feel lucky to have admirers and pipe down in case they run them away.
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Old 06-26-2010, 12:32 PM   #35
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I am not understanding what the argument is about. Being an FA is a sexual thing. Its not like FA's have this preference because they are fascinated by adipose tissue and the science behind it. For the majority of FA's, fat turns them on. It doesn't even have to be the appearance entirely, but like Conrad said, the warmth and softness etc., is also a SEXUAL turn on. No need for argument. It's a sexual preference, just like any other. However, no matter the fetish/preference, if you approach a woman (irl or on the internet) by going "hey hotty girl ur soooooooo phatt i wanna c that booty jiggle", that's gonna stamp a negative stereotype on most if not all FA's. So maybe a roundtable discussion is necessary- like an internet etiquette reminder forum.
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Old 06-26-2010, 12:35 PM   #36
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yes exactly. because people are so into a sexual designation even when it comes to SA is a big part of why there is a problem. if the question had been asked about MEN supporting SA i think a lot of opinions would be different. but always couching fat politics in sexual terms is what makes people so suspect sometimes. also where does that leave men who are not FAs who might have empathy for the movement? does a man have to have a sexual drive to push him toward a human rights issue? i don't think so. its not just your age group bro.
Thank you. I think more people in our community would do better if they kept things in more perspective, so when you think about how does paying towards a ''lable'' help you in life? When you break it down not so much, in the end we must remember people are people and to belive anything else then that is just silly, of course this is nothing bad mind you.

Something I would like to ask though and this might seem a bit off topic, but whats the ''feel'' at these bbw bashes when it comes to FAs who like to party a bit like myself? I love to flirt and be a bit of a clown so would I be shunned away? I'm not over the top by any means and when a women tells me to beat it I do so, I just I love to go to one of these bashes someday and I like to know if FAs really do get a warm welcome.
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Old 06-26-2010, 12:39 PM   #37
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Thank you. I think more people in our community would do better if they kept things in more perspective, so when you think about how does paying towards a ''lable'' help you in life? When you break it down not so much, in the end we must remember people are people and to belive anything else then that is just silly, of course this is nothing bad mind you.

Something I would like to ask though and this might seem a bit off topic, but whats the ''feel'' at these bbw bashes when it comes to FAs who like to party a bit like myself? I love to flirt and be a bit of a clown so would I be shunned away? I'm not over the top by any means and when a women tells me to beat it I do so, I just I love to go to one of these bashes someday and I like to know if FAs really do get a warm welcome.
they get a friendly welcome in general even though there can be a little natural tension sometimes. thats why they keep going back. its nothing like the forums at all. you have to be pretty messed up to get shunned.
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Old 06-26-2010, 02:01 PM   #38
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What makes a BBW/BHM Or SSBBW/SSBHM? Their Physical Size. Right? what it is that makes an FA an FA? Being attracted to Fat. most relationships start out as physical, then the deeper bonds Build as you get to know each other. so yes being and FA is sexual, but its only an issue if you make it an issue. I'd get so turned on when my girlfriend would get naked, Her size and shape is enough to make me forget my name, i get so frustrated because i do very often objectify her, and i dont want to but i honestly cant help myself, i am so physically into her that i cant not think of her sexually at times. now this is not to say that shes just a sex toy for me, we do have a deep emotional bond and as far as SA i do what i can i speak up when friends start being inconsiderate to someone whose bigger or someones whose gained weight i try to keep in mind that my gf has limitations but i also try not to act like there are things she cant do. what im trying to say is there is nothing she can't do but i know somethings are more difficult than others.

How ever you look at I love My girlfriend!! and thats it, yup she's Fat, Yup her Fat Body drives me wild! if thats wrong i dont want to be right!
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this place..its like an onion wrapped in an inigma wrapped in a conundrum wrapped in a mumu!!

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Oh the life of an Fa.. its like a rollercoaster on a bouncy castle in a haunted mansion sometimes!
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Old 06-26-2010, 02:11 PM   #39
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In my experience most FA's are not very nice. The ones that have crossed my path are almost always in it for sex. They are usually married/dating a skinny chick and want to live out fantasies with a fatty. It is very upsetting. I constantly hear (and can tell my own) stories of how these men have dogged friends of mine. It makes me so angry! I definitely keep my guard up when I meet a self proclaimed "FA" in real life.

You can not imagine all the disgusting emails, IM's and requests I get online from "FAs". I had to put all my contacts on a private list because I could not deal with it anymore. It repulses me.
Some pretty serious selection bias going on here. I'm pretty sure that any woman who spends a significant time on public forums on the internet, especially on sites geared toward sex in some way (as Dimensions is), will have her fair share of penis pics in her inbox, no pun intended. Because you're fat and hang out at a pro-fat website, you think the bad behavior is specific to FAs, but it's not, just guys being assholes.
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Old 06-26-2010, 05:28 PM   #40
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Some pretty serious selection bias going on here. I'm pretty sure that any woman who spends a significant time on public forums on the internet, especially on sites geared toward sex in some way (as Dimensions is), will have her fair share of penis pics in her inbox, no pun intended. Because you're fat and hang out at a pro-fat website, you think the bad behavior is specific to FAs, but it's not, just guys being assholes.

Excellent point. I was also thinking about selection bias. Whether online or offline, fat women are very likely to be approached by FAs (both good and bad), since that is what defines an FA. Isn't that the way attraction works? If you have a certain obvious characteristic, you're going to attract people who like that characteristic.

Now mix that with the fact that, when you're seeking a romantic or sexual partner, most people you meet aren't going to be a good fit, and maybe most of them could be classified as "jerks" (especially online). The more people you meet, the more jerks you'll meet.

Some women here are constantly protesting that being fat is only one part of their "total package". By the same token, being an FA is only one part of a guy's personality. Aside from that, he might be nice or nasty, shallow or deep, interesting or dull, etc. But if you're a fat woman, a lot of the guys you meet are going to share that one particular characteristic.

So does that mean that all FAs are jerks? Of course not. If a woman has long blonde hair, she probably attracts a lot of guys who like long blonde hair. If most of them are jerks, should she conclude that all guys who like blondes are jerks? Of course not. If a guy is a jerk, it doesn't matter what he likes. Kick him to the curb and move on.
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Old 06-27-2010, 11:26 AM   #41
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Excellent point. I was also thinking about selection bias. Whether online or offline, fat women are very likely to be approached by FAs (both good and bad), since that is what defines an FA. Isn't that the way attraction works? If you have a certain obvious characteristic, you're going to attract people who like that characteristic.

Now mix that with the fact that, when you're seeking a romantic or sexual partner, most people you meet aren't going to be a good fit, and maybe most of them could be classified as "jerks" (especially online). The more people you meet, the more jerks you'll meet.

Some women here are constantly protesting that being fat is only one part of their "total package". By the same token, being an FA is only one part of a guy's personality. Aside from that, he might be nice or nasty, shallow or deep, interesting or dull, etc. But if you're a fat woman, a lot of the guys you meet are going to share that one particular characteristic.

So does that mean that all FAs are jerks? Of course not. If a woman has long blonde hair, she probably attracts a lot of guys who like long blonde hair. If most of them are jerks, should she conclude that all guys who like blondes are jerks? Of course not. If a guy is a jerk, it doesn't matter what he likes. Kick him to the curb and move on.
this makes a lot of sense. but when you're talking about an SA movement bringing your opinions about someone's looks and your attraction to them forward too much would make people suspect your motives for being there. so as far as SA is concerned that stuff should be toned down until you are on personal time. its ok to discuss sexuality in political terms but mixing personal sexual issues in with SA is going to get you mistrusted every time.
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Old 06-27-2010, 12:02 PM   #42
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Its true that there is a time and a place for being sexual. You can't walk around in an office environment a hit on every woman in the place if you expect to be employed there long. The same has to apply in an SA atmosphere, there will be times when flirting or sexual discussion while be appropriate and others when it won't. Most "bad" FAs or "bad" guys in general either don't know or don't care about that difference.
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Old 06-27-2010, 01:29 PM   #43
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Its true that there is a time and a place for being sexual. You can't walk around in an office environment a hit on every woman in the place if you expect to be employed there long. The same has to apply in an SA atmosphere, there will be times when flirting or sexual discussion while be appropriate and others when it won't. Most "bad" FAs or "bad" guys in general either don't know or don't care about that difference.
I'm new to this site, but as a big girl i personally like the idea that its not all about eroticism. As for the FA's trying to hook up and persuade whoever to gain weight thats ridiculous, because I'm sure most people here are comfortable the way they are. I'm at a size i'm comfortable and thats that.
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Old 06-27-2010, 04:42 PM   #44
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I'm new to this site, but as a big girl i personally like the idea that its not all about eroticism. As for the FA's trying to hook up and persuade whoever to gain weight thats ridiculous, because I'm sure most people here are comfortable the way they are. I'm at a size i'm comfortable and thats that.
i'm proud of you that you're comfortable with who you are. unfortunately you aren't everyone here. there are a lot of folks still trying to find themselves both FAs FFAs BBWs and BHMs. unfortunately there are some people who would take advantage of exactly those people because they aren't self aware enough to know which people to discard and which they shouldn't. there are people around who've been playing that card with newbies for years and are very adapt at it. and they chose those people specifically because they know that others who have been around, have more experience and are comfortable with themselves wouldn't take it. its certainly not every FA or even only FAs who take advantage but there are some who do. a freshly shorn FA can be taken advantage of too. not all BBWs are what they should be either. but when it comes to SA you can't say you are SA and deport yourself like a Svengali on one hand and have people take your claims of being SA seriously.
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Old 06-28-2010, 07:21 PM   #45
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You can't be serious.

See this is one of those things that if a man wrote, everyone would go batshit on him and point out all the things that SS women (and men) do every single day. SS people do all the same things everyone else does, except maybe not ballet or runway modeling. This board has even gone back and forth over the correctness of "sitings" posts where FA talk about this really fat person they saw someplace doing something. Even the controversial posts about how gross it is when fat women eat on trains or hot sexy it is when they get out of cars, they all happened because the fat people were out from hiding.

They're not hard to find because they're out everywhere doing everything
.
Everything except socializing. Sure I see fat people everyday -- on the street, at work, at the store, driving by ... . But I don't see them when I go out to socialize in settings where single people congregate (I'm married but we still go out and I still have eyes). Its considered quite appropriate for a guy to approach a girl at a nightclub or bar. However, its usually considered creepy to just walk up to someone at the mall and start a conversation. If you're a guy and your type is more than just a little chubby you're not going to have many chances to meet fat girls -- sure you'll see them but so what.
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Old 06-29-2010, 01:10 AM   #46
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Being the cynic that I am: it's not that FAs are predisposed to be lecherous creeps or something, as much as it is that the majority of men in general tend to prioritize sex for whatever reason. Granted, there may be a certain lack of social knowledge that some FAs might have, due to being a bit of a fringe group in the first place, but I would think those as described by the negative attributes discussed in this thread are as they are just because that's how that percentage of men are across the board.

Basically, tl;dr, it's not necessarily an issue with FAs as much as it's an issue with the male gender in general. There'll always be that certain percentage.
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Old 06-29-2010, 08:57 AM   #47
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Everything except socializing. Sure I see fat people everyday -- on the street, at work, at the store, driving by ... . But I don't see them when I go out to socialize in settings where single people congregate (I'm married but we still go out and I still have eyes). Its considered quite appropriate for a guy to approach a girl at a nightclub or bar. However, its usually considered creepy to just walk up to someone at the mall and start a conversation. If you're a guy and your type is more than just a little chubby you're not going to have many chances to meet fat girls -- sure you'll see them but so what.
^This.
How many times have I passed a gorgeous BBW in the street?
Almost never see them out and about.

Oh, and when you do meet them out socializing?
They are mostly attached to / with:
1) husband
2) boyfriend
3) girlfriend

or, if your really, really lucky:
4) half a dozen or more of her (generally thin) female friends:
All of whom are constantly demanding her attention for their drama!
And/or relying on her as the:
"make-sure-I-don't-lose-my-phone-purse-coat-head/get-me-home/taxi-share/DD" friend -
because on the whole their BBW friend has better alcohol tolerance than they do AND cos her so-called friends ASSUME she will never pull.

Now, even if you've got mad game - THAT situation is a pain! I've bulldozed through it in the past. But it's tough, especially as BBWs, in my experience, are rarely looking around to make eye contact, instead they're looking at their phones, or the floor.
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Old 06-29-2010, 01:01 PM   #48
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I was stewing over this thread for a while, wondering why FA's have such a bad name. Like many posters have said, a lot of men- not only FAs- take sexuality a little too far. However, its a big issue here because of the way the ladies (or men) handle the way these people are talking to them. Yes it can be disrespectful, but sometimes it's not. A lot of women on here have self esteem issues, have been hurt in the past, or for some other reason put up this giant wall around them and assume any straight forward compliment or assertive, flirtatious act is offensive. Yes, internet etiquette is important to a great degree, but not all FA's can determine who likes the attention or not. There are too many regulations on how an FA can properly approach his/her object of desire. That's what I think.
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Old 06-29-2010, 02:31 PM   #49
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Its very true that some BBws and some women in general have a wall up due to previous bad experiences. Its not their fault, as some truly bad things in their lives brought about that situation. From an FA perspective I believe you have to know going in that you will have to establish a trust before you can make certain kinds of comments. Its all about self control and manners, two things which are in woefully poor supply lately. When my wife still had her Myspace page I would read the comments sent her and every one was "Hey sexay momma, u wanna hook up ??" or "I luv biggulrz, u gotz big titteez, do u lik to chat?". Not ONCE in three years did she EVER get a respectful, non sleaze-laden, grammatically correct "hit on" message. I know most of the good posters were probably deterred by the fact she put that she was married, but god help these guys, its no wonder they are single. It is an FAs responsibility to better than this, know your audience, know that you will be perceived as a sleaze if you can't be respectful.
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Old 06-30-2010, 05:42 AM   #50
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Of course. It has to be the responsibility of both parties to let the other know what's too much. If some creeper is being weird PM'ing inappropriate things, it is important for a woman to know how to correctly respond to that, and know to not take it too personally. And guys should do some research and figure out a little bit who it is they are trying to communicate with. I can't even count how many AIM messages I get from creeps that are like, "hey sexy how are you", then I ask "who are you and where do you know me from" then they say some wrong answer like fantasy feeder (don't have an acct there) or "I'm the lurker type", then I ask, "what's my handle on dims then?" and they usually don't know- which is funny considering my aim handle and dims handle are the same thing, so it should be easy to at least guess. After catching out the creeper, I usually tell them that I am not interested and to have a great day. I am generally polite to creepers but I have had to get bitchy on occasion. Sorry guys.
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