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Old 06-28-2010, 03:36 PM   #1
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Default Why does "Coming Out" have to be a big hurdle?

Ok, just to clarify here, incase I get off topic or just fail at getting my point across, I'm on the girl's side here, all guys should be able to come out and say what they like, if they can't well, it's just kind of sad.

So I hate how the term "coming out of the closet" is so used in this community to describe being able to admit that you like bigger girls.... I really don't see what the big deal is, why must guys make such a huge production out if it. DO WHAT YOU WANT, be you and no one will have a problem with it. I have never come out of the metaphorical closet because I didn't have to, all of my friends know I like bigger girls because of my actions, I have hooked up with them when we've all gone out, I've dated them, anyone can put 2 + 2 together and have it equal oh he like's bigger girls. I mean if someone asks, I'll tell them yea, but really your actions are the bigger deal here, if your really being true to yourself, then you shouldn't have to tell people what you are, just show them and they will know.

And honestly, having friends and family bust on you.... not a valid excuse to put it off or be afraid to. Guys (sorry, i know this is more relevant to dude's but if FFA can relate, even better) bust on guys!!! I honestly can't think of a single friend who has never busted on me and I have never busted on them, it shows that you are comfortable enough to rip on each other and still be friends, I mean they bust on you for it, rip on them for something. One of my best friends refuses to date bigger than a size 0, so i bust on him for always dating skeletons, and we exist amazingly. My entire family busts on me for everything, can't say anything and get away with it easily at our family events. My grandmother made fun of me for being stoned a few weeks ago, and she's met my heavier gf's and didn't have a problem with them, she just knew and let it go. Finally if you have a problem what strangers think... just.... WHAT! Why are you gonna care what someone you will never see again thinks? Just roll with it and be happy, all you can do, let them do their thing, at least your having a good time with who ya want to be with.

Ok, rant over, it sounded a lot more coherent in my head but I think I kinda got my point across, if it makes no sense, my bad. But what does everyone else think? Do guys really need to say it out loud that they like fat girls, or are actions and just doing it more important than actually saying it?
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Old 06-28-2010, 04:40 PM   #2
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Ok, just to clarify here, incase I get off topic or just fail at getting my point across, I'm on the girl's side here, all guys should be able to come out and say what they like, if they can't well, it's just kind of sad.

And honestly, having friends and family bust on you.... not a valid excuse to put it off or be afraid to. Guys (sorry, i know this is more relevant to dude's but if FFA can relate, even better) bust on guys!!! I honestly can't think of a single friend who has never busted on me and I have never busted on them, it shows that you are comfortable enough to rip on each other and still be friends, I mean they bust on you for it, rip on them for something. One of my best friends refuses to date bigger than a size 0, so i bust on him for always dating skeletons, and we exist amazingly. My entire family busts on me for everything, can't say anything and get away with it easily at our family events. My grandmother made fun of me for being stoned a few weeks ago, and she's met my heavier gf's and didn't have a problem with them, she just knew and let it go. Finally if you have a problem what strangers think... just.... WHAT! Why are you gonna care what someone you will never see again thinks? Just roll with it and be happy, all you can do, let them do their thing, at least your having a good time with who ya want to be with.

Ok, rant over, it sounded a lot more coherent in my head but I think I kinda got my point across, if it makes no sense, my bad. But what does everyone else think? Do guys really need to say it out loud that they like fat girls, or are actions and just doing it more important than actually saying it?
Umm being a fat guy. I'll have to claim bias. I think a lot of fat guys would tell you that we're almost expected to date fat women.

So I can only speak for my brother. And I know I watched him go through a ridiculously rough time for a few weeks, just the general jeering and people cracking on him thinking it was something to joke about. The thing is once he got through that initial thing? Life returned to normal.

It really, really sucks that he had to go through all of that initially. Probably mostly because he had no idea how to combat the insensitive things people were saying to him about her at first. But, here and now, I'll say there was no long term psychological scarring. Its really no worse than you make it.
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Old 06-28-2010, 04:58 PM   #3
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Umm being a fat guy. I'll have to claim bias. I think a lot of fat guys would tell you that we're almost expected to date fat women.

So I can only speak for my brother. And I know I watched him go through a ridiculously rough time for a few weeks, just the general jeering and people cracking on him thinking it was something to joke about. The thing is once he got through that initial thing? Life returned to normal.

It really, really sucks that he had to go through all of that initially. Probably mostly because he had no idea how to combat the insensitive things people were saying to him about her at first. But, here and now, I'll say there was no long term psychological scarring. Its really no worse than you make it.

Yea, thats what I'm saying, it's only as big a deal as you make it, just roll with it and it'll all be good
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Old 06-28-2010, 06:03 PM   #4
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Yea, thats what I'm saying, it's only as big a deal as you make it, just roll with it and it'll all be good
Works that way for me. But some people like more drama in their lives than you and I do.
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Old 06-30-2010, 11:33 PM   #5
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Ok, just to clarify here, incase I get off topic or just fail at getting my point across, I'm on the girl's side here, all guys should be able to come out and say what they like, if they can't well, it's just kind of sad.

So I hate how the term "coming out of the closet" is so used in this community to describe being able to admit that you like bigger girls.... I really don't see what the big deal is, why must guys make such a huge production out if it. DO WHAT YOU WANT, be you and no one will have a problem with it. I have never come out of the metaphorical closet because I didn't have to, all of my friends know I like bigger girls because of my actions, I have hooked up with them when we've all gone out, I've dated them, anyone can put 2 + 2 together and have it equal oh he like's bigger girls. I mean if someone asks, I'll tell them yea, but really your actions are the bigger deal here, if your really being true to yourself, then you shouldn't have to tell people what you are, just show them and they will know.

And honestly, having friends and family bust on you.... not a valid excuse to put it off or be afraid to. Guys (sorry, i know this is more relevant to dude's but if FFA can relate, even better) bust on guys!!! I honestly can't think of a single friend who has never busted on me and I have never busted on them, it shows that you are comfortable enough to rip on each other and still be friends, I mean they bust on you for it, rip on them for something. One of my best friends refuses to date bigger than a size 0, so i bust on him for always dating skeletons, and we exist amazingly. My entire family busts on me for everything, can't say anything and get away with it easily at our family events. My grandmother made fun of me for being stoned a few weeks ago, and she's met my heavier gf's and didn't have a problem with them, she just knew and let it go. Finally if you have a problem what strangers think... just.... WHAT! Why are you gonna care what someone you will never see again thinks? Just roll with it and be happy, all you can do, let them do their thing, at least your having a good time with who ya want to be with.

Ok, rant over, it sounded a lot more coherent in my head but I think I kinda got my point across, if it makes no sense, my bad. But what does everyone else think? Do guys really need to say it out loud that they like fat girls, or are actions and just doing it more important than actually saying it?
I very much agree
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Old 07-01-2010, 02:28 AM   #6
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When you're a clumsy, insecure teenager, admitting to the world that you're sexually 'abnormal' is a big hurdle. When I was a teenager all I wanted to do was fit in with my friends. Anything that could threaten that terrified me.

Sure once you're a bit older and wiser it seems laughable to get so caught up in something so minor. But not before spending a few years as an awkward teenager, wondering if there's something wrong with you.
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Old 07-05-2010, 06:10 PM   #7
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It doesn't.

Most people can figure out what kind of preference you have just by looking at their partner.

Plus, I can pretty much guarantee your preferences as a whole aren't exactly subtle...at least mine aren't anyway.
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Old 07-07-2010, 03:13 PM   #8
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I'm not speaking for everyone, and I'm not trying to validate the views that some in the closet have, but for me it coincided with my puberty. It went with a lot of traits that I had as a teen that I really didn't understand. It took years to be comfortable with myself period, but it also took years to have a strong grasp of my sexuality. A year into the whole thing if you would have asked me (At 13), it wouldn't even be so much the issue that I wouldn't say much, but even if I did I wouldn't have a concrete idea of what I liked.

I will not say that all of it should be attributed to growth, but part of it is. I don't think it's uncommon for teens as a whole to go through similar instances.


Now with adults: It's different. lol
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Old 07-07-2010, 03:47 PM   #9
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being ostracized by your friends, fine, but what i don't understand are the kids worried about judgment from their parents? have you never brought home a pierced and tattooed girl? listened to a shitty band really loud? trashed the house? whatever happened to not giving a shit about your folks' expectations?
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Old 07-08-2010, 10:08 AM   #10
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being ostracized by your friends, fine, but what i don't understand are the kids worried about judgment from their parents? have you never brought home a pierced and tattooed girl? listened to a shitty band really loud? trashed the house? whatever happened to not giving a shit about your folks' expectations?
I wonder if it could be an inner conflict with if the person that wants to come out has enough respect for what their parents believe that they are conflicted about doing it?

Nothing like a "Hey Everybody! Im Gay!" at a Thanksgiving dinner. The shock value is off the meter!
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Old 07-08-2010, 10:10 AM   #11
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I think the hurdle for most people is their own ego and the guts to deal with peer pressure. A lot of people can't handle having their views challenged..we see this in spades here (well forums in general).
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Old 07-08-2010, 10:34 AM   #12
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being ostracized by your friends, fine, but what i don't understand are the kids worried about judgment from their parents? have you never brought home a pierced and tattooed girl? listened to a shitty band really loud? trashed the house? whatever happened to not giving a shit about your folks' expectations?
Because when you're a teenager you don't care what your folks think, but you do care what your peers think. Trashing a house and having piercings is cool.

I've always said that if kids really wanted to rebel against society...be fat.
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Old 07-10-2010, 12:27 AM   #13
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I think that once a person has reached the age of majority, it would be time to do some de-closeting.

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Old 07-10-2010, 08:32 AM   #14
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I wonder if it could be an inner conflict with if the person that wants to come out has enough respect for what their parents believe that they are conflicted about doing it?

Nothing like a "Hey Everybody! Im Gay!" at a Thanksgiving dinner. The shock value is off the meter!
tiguan,
I think the OP's "coming out" refers to guys coming out about liking fat people, not being gay....
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Old 07-10-2010, 02:35 PM   #15
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some people can't get their closet issues straight
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Old 07-11-2010, 12:50 PM   #16
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some people can't get their closet issues straight
Ice cold brah.
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Old 07-11-2010, 03:04 PM   #17
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I don't hide the fact that I have a preference for fat men-- I mention it if someone asks what my type is, I include it in personal ads, I make a fuss over cute fat celebrities (current love affair: Jonah Hill)-- but... meh? If I'm dating a fat guy, I'm dating a fat guy, and nobody had better give me shit about it. I don't feel the need to sit my friends and family down and tell them that I like fat guys, any more than I feel the need to tell them that I like intelligent guys, or funny guys, or kinky guys, or guys with tattoos.
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Old 07-13-2010, 02:01 AM   #18
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I am happy to say that I never really had any time between discovering my love for the fat bodied female and having someone close to me find out. So I cannot relate to the coming out party.

But the only reasons I can understand why is that people are afraid to be found out, when most of their life they have learned to have fat nearly beaten out of them. It does take time for many people to learn how to cope with a certain trait about them that the world may find a tad interesting. Between the uncertainty of knowing how the person you tell will react (which can either be a slight nod or a look of complete disgust and the gray in between those two), you will rarely be praised upon it by someone outside the community.

But coming out of the "Closet" is very liberating. Friends will always try to catch you and trip you on your face no matter what: Telling them you like fat girls, spilling your beer on your self, missing your flight... doesn't matter what! As long as they can rip on you, they will. It is up to you to handle it as you want or can. As for Family, that tends to be a bit more difficult. Disappointed parents can really burrow into your essence. But that is something we all have to deal with. Want a line to get the parents on your side? Here, try this: "Want grand-kids?"

Another trick is this, just be an FA and don't tell anyone! Date large women/men and don't be afraid to be seen with your BBW/BHM in public! Just because you are an FA doesn't mean you have to profess your preference to everyone you meet. If an outside party really wants to know about your preference then they can ask you, its less of a bombshell that is dropped on them and you didn't have to go out of your way to tell them.
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Old 07-13-2010, 10:18 AM   #19
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I am happy to say that I never really had any time between discovering my love for the fat bodied female and having someone close to me find out. So I cannot relate to the coming out party.

But the only reasons I can understand why is that people are afraid to be found out, when most of their life they have learned to have fat nearly beaten out of them. It does take time for many people to learn how to cope with a certain trait about them that the world may find a tad interesting. Between the uncertainty of knowing how the person you tell will react (which can either be a slight nod or a look of complete disgust and the gray in between those two), you will rarely be praised upon it by someone outside the community.

But coming out of the "Closet" is very liberating. Friends will always try to catch you and trip you on your face no matter what: Telling them you like fat girls, spilling your beer on your self, missing your flight... doesn't matter what! As long as they can rip on you, they will. It is up to you to handle it as you want or can. As for Family, that tends to be a bit more difficult. Disappointed parents can really burrow into your essence. But that is something we all have to deal with. Want a line to get the parents on your side? Here, try this: "Want grand-kids?"

Another trick is this, just be an FA and don't tell anyone! Date large women/men and don't be afraid to be seen with your BBW/BHM in public! Just because you are an FA doesn't mean you have to profess your preference to everyone you meet. If an outside party really wants to know about your preference then they can ask you, its less of a bombshell that is dropped on them and you didn't have to go out of your way to tell them.
THIS!! Great post, spoony
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Old 07-13-2010, 11:24 AM   #20
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yep that was a terrific post spoon. don't talk. don't explain. just do it. people who are closeted would feel much better if they just stopped waiting to live.
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Old 07-13-2010, 11:28 AM   #21
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Originally Posted by superodalisque View Post
yep that was a terrific post spoon. don't talk. don't explain. just do it. people who are closeted would feel much better if they just stopped waiting to live.
Very true, SuperO. People are going to make it (being an FA) as big of a deal as you want them to make it.
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Old 07-13-2010, 03:06 PM   #22
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Many thanks, Msbard and Super-O!
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Old 07-13-2010, 03:54 PM   #23
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Cool

People have called me weird for only liking BBWs, and while it is its own kind of discrimination, i know what beauty is, so it no longer bothers me.
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Old 07-13-2010, 04:24 PM   #24
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Cool Everyone has a different experience...

Ultimately, you can't understand because you see the world through your own perspective. This reality is what causes conflict, misunderstanding, war, etc. While it's a pretty clear cut issue for you, for some it might not be. They are victims of their own perspective. I feel bad for anyone "closeted," be it FAs dating skinny chicks or homosexuals pretending to be otherwise. They can never truly be happy as they are denying their own nature, wants, and desires. I can say from my perspective that it was a difficult thing to do. I have accepted and embraced my preference. "Came out of the FA Closet" so to speak. Well, there was never a ceremony, I just simply stopped making excuses. If I went home with a fat girl in college, my buddies would say, "Dude, you were sooo drunk last night!" I'd respond, "Yeeeahhhh...I was sooo drunk." Eventually, you realize your real friends will bust your balls, but in good nature. Guys do that. What I cannot stand is mean-spirited bullshit, I've actually lost a couple of friends because of that. Some guys think the world is a National Lampoon movie. I remember some friends and I went on vacation to Las Vegas. We met a group of girls, and there was a gorgeous british girl (probably 5'2" 300 lbs.) that I chatted up. The next day my friend was making fun of me, attributing it to alcohol. I said, "No man, I would've approached her sober." He responded saying that was, "disgusting." The thing was, I could tell in his voice and demeanor that he really meant it. He was repulsed by the fact someone was attracted to big girls. I live in Los Angeles and am in the entertainment industry...well fuck it, I'll tell you, I'm an actor and (begrudgingly) sometime model. I'm tall, dark, and some would say handsome. Let me tell you, I'm an FA to the bone. As soon as I liked women, it was fat women. I used to be able to date thin women because they were pretty, and had great personalities. But it's gotten to the point where I can't even entertain the idea of a skinny girlfriend. A relationship (in my opinion) is based on two components; attraction and personality. I can't have one without the other. So like another poster said, if you're a fat guy people expect you to be with a fat girl. But if you're conventionally "attractive," and ESPECIALLY given my occupation, people are downright shocked. I remember in high school when my Dad first discovered my preference (damn internet history) and sent me to a psychiatrist. He's a great, caring, loving father in every other respect. But our culture is so ingrained in it's "anti-fat" attitude that he was convinced it couldn't be healthy or normal for me to be attracted to fat women. So everyone has something, man. Everyone's path to self-discovery is a little different. My father whom I admired and still strive to emulate in character, had me feeling like I was sick or something. After college, I figured it all out, and we don't discuss it. I think the one thing he might've said a few years back was, "so you're still into that obese woman business?" I guess some people don't know how to make heads or tails of it. People think there's gay and straight and that's it. Either way, I love my preference and I honestly could give a fuck what people think. But that doesn't happen overnight, amigo.
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Old 07-14-2010, 01:32 PM   #25
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Originally Posted by HappyFA75 View Post
People have called me weird for only liking BBWs, and while it is its own kind of discrimination, i know what beauty is, so it no longer bothers me.
Correction: you know what beauty is TO YOU.

Not everyone in this universe is an FA.
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