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Old 07-14-2010, 01:51 PM   #26
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I've come to the conclusion that there is nothing more important to the majority of men then having the approval of their guy friends that their girl is acceptable dating material in their eyes. I still can't get this being female why this is so damn important but it is. So with that being said I've come to the conclusion that the majority of men would find it easier to say they are dating someone with some disease (as long as she was skinny!) then dating a fat girl. Pretty sad isn't it.

Basically it takes a really strong confident man to "come out" of the closet and be true to themselves. That's why it's such a big hurdle. Thanks to all the strong ones..I hope to find one soon.
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Old 07-14-2010, 03:07 PM   #27
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[QUOTE=Devil's Subjugate;1502754]Ultimately, you can't understand because you see the world through your own perspective. /QUOTE]

I was watching MTV's the Hills and wondering what would happen if Brody dated a girl that was 140 lbs..(thats a bbw in that neck of the woods..lol). I was also imagining him as a BHM/SSBHM...yummmmmmm.
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Old 07-16-2010, 02:57 AM   #28
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I don't know why coming out has to even occur.
Date who you like and go on about your business... you are a grown man..
If you have huge issues with this I consider a personality defect.
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Old 07-16-2010, 02:44 PM   #29
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Originally Posted by truebebeblue View Post
I don't know why coming out has to even occur.
Date who you like and go on about your business... you are a grown man..
If you have huge issues with this I consider a personality defect.
i have to agree with this. if someone doesn't have the guts to follow his own heart and do the right thing with this issue how is he likely to fare with the rest of life? as an adult you never get societal agreement with everything you know thats right for you. you have to be strong enough as a man to stand up and have personal integrity.
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Old 07-16-2010, 03:37 PM   #30
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The only time I have ever had any issues or hesitation on "coming out" is VERY early on in a potential relationship where I throw out that little nugget of information and pray for a non-negative response.

Either bring it up front, or don't bring it up at all.
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Old 07-16-2010, 04:58 PM   #31
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I'm a traditionalist; I think coming out should be a bit of an event, with cake, the theme song of Rocky playing, your mom crying and your friends cheering and that awkward moment where your dad doesn't know whether to hug you or shake your hand, so you get a pat on the shoulder and the words "good luck son".

John Hughes should direct a man's declaration of size preference.
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Old 07-16-2010, 06:04 PM   #32
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John Hughes should direct a man's declaration of size preference.
I wrote a terrible parody of St. Elmo's Fire (the song) to post in this post but I fact-checked right before hitting Submit and realized that it's not a John Hughes film, it just uses all his actors and actresses from The Breakfast Club.

Damn.
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Old 07-16-2010, 06:18 PM   #33
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Yea, thats what I'm saying, it's only as big a deal as you make it, just roll with it and it'll all be good
I like the way you think brother.
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Old 07-16-2010, 07:06 PM   #34
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Originally Posted by Dibaby35 View Post
I've come to the conclusion that there is nothing more important to the majority of men then having the approval of their guy friends that their girl is acceptable dating material in their eyes. I still can't get this being female why this is so damn important but it is. So with that being said I've come to the conclusion that the majority of men would find it easier to say they are dating someone with some disease (as long as she was skinny!) then dating a fat girl. Pretty sad isn't it.

Basically it takes a really strong confident man to "come out" of the closet and be true to themselves. That's why it's such a big hurdle. Thanks to all the strong ones..I hope to find one soon.
I agree that its fairly sad that some men wont admit to dating a fat girl because of their friends, but I dont think that seeking the approval of friends about partners is really a male thing.

I would always choose my friends over a partner if I had to (although my friends would never put me in such a position and I like to think I wouldnt seriously date someone who did the same thing). They wouldnt have to approve exactly, but if there was direct conflict, then yes, it would matter to me alot.
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Old 07-16-2010, 09:33 PM   #35
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Originally Posted by truebebeblue View Post
I don't know why coming out has to even occur.
Date who you like and go on about your business... you are a grown man..
If you have huge issues with this I consider a personality defect.
This is the best contribution in this thread.
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Old 07-16-2010, 09:38 PM   #36
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Originally Posted by Dibaby35 View Post
I've come to the conclusion that there is nothing more important to the majority of men then having the approval of their guy friends that their girl is acceptable dating material in their eyes. I still can't get this being female why this is so damn important but it is. So with that being said I've come to the conclusion that the majority of men would find it easier to say they are dating someone with some disease (as long as she was skinny!) then dating a fat girl. Pretty sad isn't it.

Basically it takes a really strong confident man to "come out" of the closet and be true to themselves. That's why it's such a big hurdle. Thanks to all the strong ones..I hope to find one soon.
Its very true, friends really have a big influence in who guys date. Sucks for me that my close friends suffer from fat-phobia. Well that is their decision not mine, more for me then .

Regardless though, even if your friends rip on you, which they always will. If your gf can get along with your friends then you will find out they won't care much for her weight afterwards
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Old 07-16-2010, 10:24 PM   #37
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I understand that this is a difficult thing...when your friends make you feel like a crazy person for liking fat people and that keeps you in the closet (those of you who said it did); but part of what I don't get (and I honestly don't get it) is why are these people your friends, if they have this kind of attitude? This is a serious question, and not an accusation.

Maybe it's different for a thin FA, because you could develop friendships with people before knowing that they are fat-phobic or have hateful or derogatory things to say about them. Is that it? Or that the possibility of getting rejected, or branded a "freak" is just too strong? Or you don't think you'll find new friends who are cool with it? As a fat person, most of the people who seriously hate fat people will get weeded out by virtue of my own fatness. But I just can't relate to this, so I'm asking this as an honest question.

I feel like if someone's friends were so anti-fat (or anti-whatever other kind of thing a person likes, just in general) that it kept them from being able to freely be themselves...it seems time to get some new friends. What am I missing here?
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Old 07-16-2010, 11:05 PM   #38
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I feel like if someone's friends were so anti-fat (or anti-whatever other kind of thing a person likes, just in general) that it kept them from being able to freely be themselves...it seems time to get some new friends. What am I missing here?
Not a whole lot..lol. People pleasers come in both genders. Humans are social animals and therefore pack-mentality still applies. The slogan "Dare to be Different" is a lot easier said than done. Its especially hard if a person comes from a group that either doesn't have fat people or the fat people have accrued a shitty status within the group. Asking someone to leave their friends and family behind can be a lot to ask if they have placed a high value on them.
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Old 07-16-2010, 11:09 PM   #39
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I understand that this is a difficult thing...when your friends make you feel like a crazy person for liking fat people and that keeps you in the closet (those of you who said it did); but part of what I don't get (and I honestly don't get it) is why are these people your friends, if they have this kind of attitude? This is a serious question, and not an accusation.

Maybe it's different for a thin FA, because you could develop friendships with people before knowing that they are fat-phobic or have hateful or derogatory things to say about them. Is that it? Or that the possibility of getting rejected, or branded a "freak" is just too strong? Or you don't think you'll find new friends who are cool with it? As a fat person, most of the people who seriously hate fat people will get weeded out by virtue of my own fatness. But I just can't relate to this, so I'm asking this as an honest question.

I feel like if someone's friends were so anti-fat (or anti-whatever other kind of thing a person likes, just in general) that it kept them from being able to freely be themselves...it seems time to get some new friends. What am I missing here?
Pretty much sums it up. Growing up I was not a very outgoing person, as a teenager and adult for me it was either school and work. I met most of my close friends in college. After awhile I realized how "fat-phobic" they were. Of course they ripped on me for dating bigger chicks, but as time has passed they have stopped. Of course a snide remark would come out every now and then.
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Old 07-18-2010, 09:32 PM   #40
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Coming out was extremely difficult for me! Remains difficult every day in fact, though some days are easier than others. I'm still fairly young... 23 to be exact, and there is no mainstream acceptance, acknowledgment, or support for our kind! I've NEVER met another FA face to face. It sucks, I never had anyone to talk to about it... My girlfriend helped me embrace my sexuality as our relationship matured but even she didn't believe me when I told her I liked bigger girls. One of my former best friends openly scoffs when I mention that I like Big girls...

Yeah, do what you want and roll with it. But overcoming that wall initially while maturing sexually is immensely difficult if no one's there to help you along.
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Old 07-20-2010, 05:37 AM   #41
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Coming out was extremely difficult for me! Remains difficult every day in fact, though some days are easier than others. I'm still fairly young... 23 to be exact, and there is no mainstream acceptance, acknowledgment, or support for our kind! I've NEVER met another FA face to face. It sucks, I never had anyone to talk to about it... My girlfriend helped me embrace my sexuality as our relationship matured but even she didn't believe me when I told her I liked bigger girls. One of my former best friends openly scoffs when I mention that I like Big girls...

Yeah, do what you want and roll with it. But overcoming that wall initially while maturing sexually is immensely difficult if no one's there to help you along.
You are dating someone you like,obviously your friends have SEEN her. I think they might be onto you. You should just relax. The hard part is over.
Yes guys rib each other about having a fat girlfriend or wife... they also rib each other for having a girl friend who is skinny or older or younger or slutty or frigid or preppy or punk rock... whatever... guy tease each other about their girls... I think men are far more accepting of their friends choices than women are. I am sure there are tons of fat women around.. and I promise most of them are not single,there are fat lovers around they just probably don't label themselves or even know a label is available. Heck they probably don't even know they are a specific "kind"

As you get older you care less about what people think and more about what makes you happy.
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Old 07-20-2010, 05:49 AM   #42
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I'm a traditionalist; I think coming out should be a bit of an event, with cake, the theme song of Rocky playing, your mom crying and your friends cheering and that awkward moment where your dad doesn't know whether to hug you or shake your hand, so you get a pat on the shoulder and the words "good luck son".

John Hughes should direct a man's declaration of size preference.

I imagine it!!
A whole dramatic saga of a young FA trying to come out,hiding fat porn and humping pillows secretly... peeking on his fat cousin in the shower etc...
In the end he will find the will to wave his freak flag proudly..... and no one will even notice.


Imagining this with Anthony Michael Hall... made me smile.. who plays the fat love interest? maybe the old Rikki Lake? or We should plump up Sheedy or Ringwald..
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Old 07-20-2010, 08:01 AM   #43
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You are dating someone you like,obviously your friends have SEEN her. I think they might be onto you. You should just relax. The hard part is over.
Yes guys rib each other about having a fat girlfriend or wife... they also rib each other for having a girl friend who is skinny or older or younger or slutty or frigid or preppy or punk rock... whatever... guy tease each other about their girls... I think men are far more accepting of their friends choices than women are. I am sure there are tons of fat women around.. and I promise most of them are not single,there are fat lovers around they just probably don't label themselves or even know a label is available. Heck they probably don't even know they are a specific "kind"

As you get older you care less about what people think and more about what makes you happy.
How true!

FAs, imagine you are dating a fat chick and nobody notices it.
That's life.
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Old 07-20-2010, 07:12 PM   #44
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I don't know why coming out has to even occur.
Date who you like and go on about your business... you are a grown man..
If you have huge issues with this I consider a personality defect.
i agree. coming out is technically just two words...that if u dont give any meaning to..mean DIDDLY SQUAT!!!

who u are attracted to is UR physical, emotional, genetic..whatever...BUSINESS! u dont need to "come out" to anybody but urself.

U wanna be with a thin girl, be with a thin girl. U wanna be with a fat girl, be with a fat girl. U wanna be with a man. be with a man. Its ur life, no one elses.

and its learning to understand that thats the only thing thats probably going to help u. FUK watever the hell ur parents, friends, anyone thinks. Ur normal, theres nothing wrong with u, and if people dont like ur lifestyle or choices, then u shouldnt give a hoot. There is someone out there somewher, who u will fall hed over heels for, who will fall back for ya.

Just got to make sure ur in the game, ur confident, u take chances and that u believe in urself =D

sorry if i got too ranty, sensitive subject
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Old 07-20-2010, 11:10 PM   #45
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Originally Posted by Dibaby35 View Post
I've come to the conclusion that there is nothing more important to the majority of men then having the approval of their guy friends that their girl is acceptable dating material in their eyes. I still can't get this being female why this is so damn important but it is. So with that being said I've come to the conclusion that the majority of men would find it easier to say they are dating someone with some disease (as long as she was skinny!) then dating a fat girl. Pretty sad isn't it.

Basically it takes a really strong confident man to "come out" of the closet and be true to themselves. That's why it's such a big hurdle. Thanks to all the strong ones..I hope to find one soon.

i respectfully disagree--unless you hang around a lot of guys who are weak sisters or they are very young and immature. like true said its a character flaw and you should run fast for the nearest exit. there are a lot of guys out there FAs or not who have never been that weak in their entire life and definitely won't back down regarding something like their gf. its called character and evidently the guys you know need to get some. don't make excuses for a weak man. life is too short.
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Old 07-21-2010, 11:15 AM   #46
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i respectfully disagree--unless you hang around a lot of guys who are weak sisters or they are very young and immature. like true said its a character flaw and you should run fast for the nearest exit. there are a lot of guys out there FAs or not who have never been that weak in their entire life and definitely won't back down regarding something like their gf. its called character and evidently the guys you know need to get some. don't make excuses for a weak man. life is too short.
Where u keeping these men? lol Come on girl share! LOL Yeah I must not be finding the strong ones out there. Everyone guy I seem to run into is more worried about what other people think then being happy themselves.
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Old 07-21-2010, 12:19 PM   #47
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Because people are social creatures that whether they want to or not crave the approval of their friends and peers?

A story: For a while a couple of years ago, I dated a girl smaller than I usually date, like around 170, but with huge breasts, very Jessica Rabbit. She got hit on all the time, complimented by my friends, etc., something I was not used to as I usually date much larger women that don't typically attract that kind of attention.

It made me feel guilty how deeply and uncontrollably gratifying it was to me. I didn't want to be gratified by other peoples' opinions, b/c who cares, but I was anyway. It felt gross. I think the opposite holds true as far as dating BBWs to some extent, as well, no matter how FA-proud and enlightened you are.
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Old 07-22-2010, 07:41 AM   #48
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Originally Posted by MisterGuy View Post
Because people are social creatures that whether they want to or not crave the approval of their friends and peers?

A story: For a while a couple of years ago, I dated a girl smaller than I usually date, like around 170, but with huge breasts, very Jessica Rabbit. She got hit on all the time, complimented by my friends, etc., something I was not used to as I usually date much larger women that don't typically attract that kind of attention.

It made me feel guilty how deeply and uncontrollably gratifying it was to me. I didn't want to be gratified by other peoples' opinions, b/c who cares, but I was anyway. It felt gross. I think the opposite holds true as far as dating BBWs to some extent, as well, no matter how FA-proud and enlightened you are.

I think u win a cookie or something You hit the nail on the head.
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Old 07-22-2010, 09:00 AM   #49
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Originally Posted by MisterGuy View Post
Because people are social creatures that whether they want to or not crave the approval of their friends and peers?

A story: For a while a couple of years ago, I dated a girl smaller than I usually date, like around 170, but with huge breasts, very Jessica Rabbit. She got hit on all the time, complimented by my friends, etc., something I was not used to as I usually date much larger women that don't typically attract that kind of attention.

It made me feel guilty how deeply and uncontrollably gratifying it was to me. I didn't want to be gratified by other peoples' opinions, b/c who cares, but I was anyway. It felt gross. I think the opposite holds true as far as dating BBWs to some extent, as well, no matter how FA-proud and enlightened you are.
Just to be clear, are you saying it's gratifying for FAs when your girlfriend is thought to be unattractive, or not sexually desirable by your friends or other men? If you are saying that, why is that, do you think?

Last edited by LovelyLiz; 07-22-2010 at 09:15 AM.
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Old 07-22-2010, 09:14 AM   #50
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Just to be clear, are you saying it's gratifying for FAs when your girlfriend is thought to be unattractive, or not sexually desirable by your friends or other men? If you are saying that, why is that, do you think?
I think he's saying the opposite, that it was gratifying when his friends thought his girlfriend was hot.

That's a pretty human reaction, I'd say, MisterGuy. Obviously the most important thing is that we find our own mate attractive, but... yeah. There's a kind of unmistakable strutty feeling you get when you catch someone else giving him/her an approving look.


ETA: Oh, wait, Bethany, are you referring to his last sentence, about the opposite being true when dating BBWs? I'm a little mixed up by that, too, now that I read it a second time....
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