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Old 09-06-2010, 07:28 PM   #26
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Originally Posted by wrestlingguy View Post
As with ALL dating sites, regardless of whether you're a BBW or FA, please be careful before you actually head out to meet someone in person.

My local news channel is reporting the death of a woman who met with a man she met on a dating site called OK Cupid.

Here is the article.
http://www.myfoxphilly.com/dpp/news/...e-turns-tragic

You can find out a lot about a person by using the net. Google their name (if they've given you a real one, and not an alias). Better yet, see if you can get a background check from one of the many internet websites that offer that. Prices range from $9.95 to $49.95, depending on the level of information you seek. I've used them in the past, and while not 100%, they can give you enough information to make a decision about who you may be considering.

I really appreciate your concern and I will definitely keep that in mind. Meeting people from the Internet can be a little nerve racking and it is always best to do your homework for safety sake!!
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Old 09-06-2010, 07:38 PM   #27
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So I have been using BBWdatefinder.com- I have to say the guys there have been pretty cool so far. Some of course are just looking for a fat girl for fetish reasons, but alot of them are looking for a relationship with an amazing curvy girl. I am even talking to one guy right now who has a lot of potential. I have also tried OKcupid and I feel like that place is a hot mess. The men there have taken the anonymity of the internet to a whole new level. Most guys on there disgusting pigs who find it acceptable to start a conversation with "Damn girl! what size are those tits!". NOT. COOL. Anyway, I have found that regarless of which site you are on there is a long weeding out process. I remain optimistic.
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Old 09-06-2010, 09:37 PM   #28
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oooh I was thinking about okcupid but I wasn't really sure I should sign up. I'll have to check out BBWdatefinder.
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Old 09-06-2010, 10:02 PM   #29
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I've tried BBWPersonalsPlus (make sure to write in 'plus' otherwise you end up with porn) and currently BBPeopleMeet. Someone I spoke with from the BBPeopleMeet recommended this site to me, probably because he recognized that I am not entirely comfortable with my size and attention. I have found posting a full body picture has brought about more attention than when I had only a head shot.

Just remember there are crazies all over... and don't let a negative experience make you stop trying to find a match. If you truly want something, you have to go for it.
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Old 09-06-2010, 11:26 PM   #30
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I've had better results with OK Cupid than any other website. I do like them, though I did take my time and weeded out some people. But you should do that regardless of the website you decide to join.
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Old 09-07-2010, 09:11 AM   #31
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I'm only about 1/2 a foot in the dating scene these days, but have met some cool (and not-so-cool) people on tangowire - the BBW network on there. I think the log in is at plussizeconnection.com.
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Old 09-07-2010, 01:19 PM   #32
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I just rejoined two sites over the weekend and am already in full-blown mode.

We'll see.
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Old 09-08-2010, 08:31 PM   #33
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My .02: I don't like POF because I find the site isn't very user-friendly for me. The thumbnail pics are just too damn small and they don't give you a lot of space to write much about yourself, so most of the guys don't. They write the bare minimum, and I'd rather read a little bit more about them. Because I find searching on the site such a trial, I don't use it very often, so I can't really speak to my success rate on the site.

I've been on OKCupid for over 8 months now and haven't had any success with it yet. Then again, after sending out over 90 messages and winks in the first 2 months and not getting any responses back, I wasn't too inspired to continue looking.

I also signed on to one of the tangowire fat dating sites 5 or 6 years ago called, unfortunately, "Plush Baby Personals." I used the site briefly, but most of my responses were from men looking to fulfill their fat fetish. Last year, I decided to reactivate my tangowire account, but it seems that Plush Baby Personals had morphed into an even worse-sounding site, "Dating For Fat Chicks." I have a big pet peeve with the word "chicks." "Dating for Fat Women" would have been perfectly fine. But no, they had to go for "chicks." ...Anyway, I used the site more briefly than I had before and didn't get any responses. Perhaps I'll have to give them another try and maybe find another fat dating site through tangowire with a less heinous name.
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Old 09-08-2010, 09:24 PM   #34
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...Ok, I'm giving POF another try. The first 12 guys I've searched in my area are either graduates of the Prince school of spelling ("love 2 meet U," "I'm the 1 4 U"); looking for girls who "love god" (I'm an atheist, yet 6 of the 12 guys who are supposed to be my "match" are religious); looking for someone "open-minded and adventurous" (translated: into open relationships and recreational drug use); or want a girl into fitness and working out, which really isn't me. Oy. Why am I doing this again?
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Old 09-08-2010, 09:39 PM   #35
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I've been on OKCupid for over 8 months now and haven't had any success with it yet. Then again, after sending out over 90 messages and winks in the first 2 months and not getting any responses back, I wasn't too inspired to continue looking.
That's... fuckin'... a lot of messages.
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Old 09-08-2010, 09:48 PM   #36
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That's... fuckin'... a lot of messages.
I was a busy bee. I'd go on the site every night after work and message or wink at every guy who I thought might be a good match for me, and a few who were just so damn hott that I couldn't help myself, even if they had nothing to say for themselves. I'd just ended a long distance relationship when I signed on to OKC in December 2009. I hadn't had sex since July '09, which was the last time I'd seen the long-distance guy before we broke up. I really wanted to make a connection and was trying to be serious about finding someone...as quickly as I possibly could. After enough time and no responses, though, I just got too discouraged to continue.
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Old 09-09-2010, 12:11 AM   #37
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I was a busy bee. I'd go on the site every night after work and message or wink at every guy who I thought might be a good match for me, and a few who were just so damn hott that I couldn't help myself, even if they had nothing to say for themselves. I'd just ended a long distance relationship when I signed on to OKC in December 2009. I hadn't had sex since July '09, which was the last time I'd seen the long-distance guy before we broke up. I really wanted to make a connection and was trying to be serious about finding someone...as quickly as I possibly could. After enough time and no responses, though, I just got too discouraged to continue.
I'm wondering, too, if maybe there isn't something in the approach? I've been there - sending out messages and not getting replies; and it really is super discouraging. At the same time, I think there is an art of communication (maybe particularly online communication?) that can take some thought and practice and *especially* some input from other people. Maybe it's worth switching things up a bit? I know I greatly benefited from having other friends (both female and male) read how I presented myself, how I approached others, and giving me their honest feedback in terms of how those things came across. It was uber-helpful.

But online dating in general is such a nightmare...I don't know if it's really worth it.
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Old 09-09-2010, 07:09 AM   #38
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This is the message I generally send to a guy when I first contact him: "I was browsing [OKCupid, PoF, match.com, fat dating site] and noticed your profile. I like your pic(s) and what you have to say for yourself. Check mine out if you like and see what you think. Maybe we'll talk?" If he's written something in his profile that I can relate to - maybe mentioned a band, author or movie I like, works in education, same taste in food - I might mention it after "I like your pics and what you have to say for yourself." For example, "I also work in education," or "Fargo is one of my favorite Coen Bros movies, too." I think it gets my point across without being over the top, too lengthy or sounding fake.

This is an example of the profile info I usually write: "I'm a happily unathletic fat girl into morose indie pop music from the '80s & '90s; crime fiction; sci-fi; historical fantasy and Victorian lit. I'm educated, independent and smart, and looking for my match. I work in education as a high school counselor. I'm dedicated to my career and have spent the past several years working on getting myself where I want to be. I have student loans to show for it, and a fairly non-existent social life, which brings me here. I'm looking for someone to date with the intention of seeing if we might be a good fit for a relationship. If we date and it turns out we're really not a good match, no biggie; we had some fun. If we date and it seems we share some compatibilities, I hope you drop me a line. Basically, I'm looking for a stable guy with some artistic, creative interests. A guy who writes well, communicates thoughtfully and honestly (both verbally and via the written word) can literally impress the pants off me. Maybe not on the first date, or even the third, but powerful brainwaves and emotional integrity can go a long way towards melting my inhibitions and possibly my heart. Are you that guy?"

I usually spice it up with a little more jokiness and humor, but I cut that out here for the sake of brevity. Again, I think it's to the point, describes who I am and what I'm looking for in a nutshell. I hope it doesn't read as fake, but as authentic as I can be without going over the top. ...But I guess being straightforward and knowing what I want in a relationship scares away the boys. I can't be any other way, though. That's just who I am.
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Old 09-09-2010, 09:16 AM   #39
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SNIPPED
I usually spice it up with a little more jokiness and humor, but I cut that out here for the sake of brevity. Again, I think it's to the point, describes who I am and what I'm looking for in a nutshell. I hope it doesn't read as fake, but as authentic as I can be without going over the top. ...But I guess being straightforward and knowing what I want in a relationship scares away the boys. I can't be any other way, though. That's just who I am.
Yeah, there are varying philosophies on this. I'm sure we will disagree, since we always seem to.

In my own life, I realized that "too much too soon" often shuts down potential relationships. When I meet a new person (whether a romantic option or not) I used to begin by articulating to them (in one way or another): "This is what I want in a friend/boyfriend. This is what I will not tolerate. This is my essential personality." But since there is no actual connection to back up the differences (which inevitably exist between any 2 different humans), things that may have been able to be introduced later in the relationship with no trouble, are more than a non-existent relationship can handle in the beginning.

To me this is less an issue of expressing my true/authentic self or of being straightforward, as it is of just allowing the relationship to progress naturally, and not asking for more trust/understanding/etc. than the relationship can bear at any given moment. I don't think most relationships would happen if all of someone's quirks/flaws/convictions were just listed right there at the beginning. And it's not because the other person is unwilling to deal with those particular issues in general, but they are unwilling to deal with them in someone they have absolutely zero personal connection to.

I know I'm belaboring this point, but it's because the method you are espousing is not working for you, and in fact it seems to be working against you. And it resonates with a period I went through (in dating relationships) - of always needing to be the biggest incarnation my true self at all times, without regard for how it might affect the person I'm with, and if he can't handle me then he can f**k off and go to hell. And in theory it's not a bad way to be. But the reality is, it kept people away from me and was a pretty awesome way to avoid intimacy.

This could all just be projection on my part, and in fact it probably is. But your comments brought up these thoughts, so I figured I'd throw them out and see if anything resonates. If not, no harm done.

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Old 09-09-2010, 01:00 PM   #40
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I just rejoined two sites over the weekend and am already in full-blown mode.

We'll see.
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Old 09-09-2010, 06:30 PM   #41
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I hear what you're saying, Beth, and I agree with you on not expecting too much of someone you've just met, with whom you have no personal connection. I keep my expectations under wraps and don't discuss them at all during the early stages of dating/connecting with someone.

To explain: if I make a connection with a guy online, if he's interested and wants to talk and consider meeting up, I'll keep our first e-mails brief, light, no serious personal conversations. If, after a few e-mails, I feel comfortable with him, I'll usually ask if he's interested in talking on the phone, if he hasn't asked or given me his number already. I apply the same 'rules' to early phone conversations. I keep it light, brief, nothing serious. The same for our first meeting, if we decide to go for it. And if we make it past the first meeting and want to keep dating, things will remain light, nothing serious, until we're ready for it. I see that part of dating as the "just getting comfortable" phase.

But because I keep things light at first, I like to be a little more specific in my profile description. I'm not going to have the conversation about "this is who I am and this is what I'm looking for in a relationship" during my first meeting with a guy, or even our third or fourth. I've yet to do that with any guy when we're in the early stages of dating. But I like for them to have a point of reference, should they need it, and should they be willing to look again at my profile once we've met. If we're not going to talk about it and spend several weeks to months just keeping it light, I feel it's valuable for the guy to at least have a point of reference about my expectations, so he's not surprised with what I say when we finally reach that stage in our dating relationship where we're ready to talk about those things.

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Yeah, there are varying philosophies on this. I'm sure we will disagree, since we always seem to.

In my own life, I realized that "too much too soon" often shuts down potential relationships. When I meet a new person (whether a romantic option or not) I used to begin by articulating to them (in one way or another): "This is what I want in a friend/boyfriend. This is what I will not tolerate. This is my essential personality." But since there is no actual connection to back up the differences (which inevitably exist between any 2 different humans), things that may have been able to be introduced later in the relationship with no trouble, are more than a non-existent relationship can handle in the beginning.

To me this is less an issue of expressing my true/authentic self or of being straightforward, as it is of just allowing the relationship to progress naturally, and not asking for more trust/understanding/etc. than the relationship can bear at any given moment. I don't think most relationships would happen if all of someone's quirks/flaws/convictions were just listed right there at the beginning. And it's not because the other person is unwilling to deal with those particular issues in general, but they are unwilling to deal with them in someone they have absolutely zero personal connection to.

I know I'm belaboring this point, but it's because the method you are espousing is not working for you, and in fact it seems to be working against you. And it resonates with a period I went through (in dating relationships) - of always needing to be the biggest incarnation my true self at all times, without regard for how it might affect the person I'm with, and if he can't handle me then he can f**k off and go to hell. And in theory it's not a bad way to be. But the reality is, it kept people away from me and was a pretty awesome way to avoid intimacy.

This could all just be projection on my part, and in fact it probably is. But your comments brought up these thoughts, so I figured I'd throw them out and see if anything resonates. If not, no harm done.
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Old 09-15-2010, 07:33 AM   #42
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To me this is less an issue of expressing my true/authentic self or of being straightforward, as it is of just allowing the relationship to progress naturally, and not asking for more trust/understanding/etc. than the relationship can bear at any given moment. D
This is an excellent insight into this whole game. Or should I call it a dance? I'm not a great dancer, but even I see what you're saying, here. Thirties, you didn't ask for my feedback, I know that, but I'd like to offer you this: your self description could be read as having a lot of black and white and no grey. In real life, I think there's more grey. The trouble with a 2-paragraph description about ourselves is that it's so clinical. And so self reported. And it's like some of us feel this burden to be totally honest. I know I did. I was like: I'm taking up someone's time! I have to explain exactly, fully and entirely who I am, and what I want, and what my past has been like and ... me me me. I have to plan everything out! I made it a math problem. (And life isn't a math problem. It's a food fight.)

And doing that doesn't leave room for anyone else. Or anything else. Hell, it doesn't even leave room for you to grow into someone else, which will happen normally, to all of us.

I was telling someone recently about something my father (very set-in-his ways, very inflexible) says now and then: I wouldn't mind opera if it weren't for all the singing!

He thinks it's funny. It's not. It just shines a spotlight on his personality in ways he doesn't even realize. We can't want the opera but not want to hear any of the singing. That's not the same thing as actually wanting the opera.

For me personally, the whole topic of full disclosure (and let's be honest--can we fully disclose, when we're the ones framing the topic? I mean, how well do I really know myself compared with others who can see more truth about me?) and laying out all the avenues in rigid ways is self-protective behavior in one way or another. And while SP behavior (within reason) is smart and good, it's pretty much the one thing you can't wholly embrace to the exclusion of anything else when you're trying to get into a relationship. I had to learn that one the hard way, and I continue to try to learn it every day in my current relationship.
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Old 09-15-2010, 08:28 AM   #43
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Has anyone here tried Match.com? Im just wondering, since I've had a PoF profile, and haven't had much luck meeting someone on there. Add to the fact that the site is not user-friendly, and you have to search through dozens of profiles before finding a good match.
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Old 09-15-2010, 10:28 AM   #44
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Match.com has been a horrible experience for me. It's not free at all. I was trying to communicate with a guy for 3 months on there... sending back n forth flirts for all that time, when suddenly I stumbled upon him on POF and we were finally able to chat.

It's just as bad as e-harmony, if not worse.
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Old 09-15-2010, 04:17 PM   #45
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OKCupid seems to be legit. Sure, you have to make sure that some of the people aren't assholes or pedophiles or whatever, but some people there are actually really cool. I met a girl on OKC and we're good friends now. Sure, I REALLY like her and everything, but hey, friendship's just as good.

Plenty of Fish seems to not work for me though.
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Old 09-15-2010, 05:45 PM   #46
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Originally Posted by Carrie View Post
I just rejoined two sites over the weekend and am already in full-blown mode.

We'll see.
I lol'd so hard at this... that's EXACTLY what happens to me. I give it a few days and I usually delete my profile. It's just plain depressing what kind of fellas I attract... not sure what that says about me!
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Old 09-18-2010, 08:10 AM   #47
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Has anyone here tried Match.com? Im just wondering, since I've had a PoF profile, and haven't had much luck meeting someone on there. Add to the fact that the site is not user-friendly, and you have to search through dozens of profiles before finding a good match.
The first time I used match.com, over 6 years ago, I met an internet predator on the site. Once I figured out what was going on with the guy, I quickly ended my membership there. I can't fault match.com for it, though, since the guy could have used any dating site (and probably has). Earlier this year, I signed up for match again, after hearing that they were adopting all the people from the Yahoo personals site when it shut down. I figured with the influx of new members, I might stand a better chance at meeting someone. In order to send and receive messages on the site, you have to buy a membership, so being of a skeptical nature, I bought a 1-month membership, during which I frequently used the site, sent a lot of messages, had a few guys chat with me using the site's chat feature... and had nothing to show for it at the end of my month. I discontinued my paid membership, and I'm on the site as an unpaid member now. Which means I can't read any messages sent to me unless I pay again. Since I've had no responses on the site, though, that isn't much of a problem.
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Old 09-18-2010, 09:37 AM   #48
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I recently used bbwromance.com

It worked very well for me. Like all sites, it has the guys out there only looking for a quick lay, and I found that, as far as my local area goes, options were pretty limited. There aren't really any matching tools, its mostly just search and such. But I got really lucky and met someone incredibly special :-) Even if she does live a bit far away

Be very careful with usernames and information you use. Its extremely easy to find much more information about someone online then many people seem to think.
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Old 10-08-2010, 12:21 AM   #49
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I find myself very confused by this whole online dating world. For a few reasons.. One, I am totally not what they are looking for. I'm in this limbo between the BBW community and the non-BBW community. I'm not fat enough for BBW lovers and without a doubt not skinny enough for the non-bbw community. So before meeting someone offline, I would kindly tell them, "I am chubby/curvy." Then they either didn't want to meet me or would want to see me in my underwear to make sure I am acceptable for them. (NOT HAPPENING) Maybe I come out smaller in pictures, because I AM FAT, I don't understand how I can't fit into the BBW community. lol. But anyway, I'll tell you what I thought of each site.

POF- HORRIBLE, don't use.. the men are dogs.
OK Cupid- It's OK, the men and women using the site seem to be people who are professionals and don't have time to date, but still you get those weirdos.
Largerfriends- hated!! First off you can't chat with the people you find attractive, because you need to pay for a membership, so pretty much I can look but can't touch.

I'm hoping to maybe spark an interest on these forums. It's nice just chatting with people for once and not worrying if my pictures are good enough. Maybe meet someone at a future event. Funny story.. There is this local guy, in my area, on ALL THE SITES including all the BBWs sites. He has a tone of pictures up and he's super creepy, his bio screams serial killer. The other day I went out shopping and who was beyond me at the grocery store, creeper! And he came up to me and asked for my number. I couldn't run fast enough. LOL

<3Erica
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Old 10-11-2010, 03:31 AM   #50
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Quote:
Originally Posted by NJDoll View Post
I find myself very confused by this whole online dating world. For a few reasons.. One, I am totally not what they are looking for. I'm in this limbo between the BBW community and the non-BBW community. I'm not fat enough for BBW lovers and without a doubt not skinny enough for the non-bbw community. So before meeting someone offline, I would kindly tell them, "I am chubby/curvy." Then they either didn't want to meet me or would want to see me in my underwear to make sure I am acceptable for them. (NOT HAPPENING) Maybe I come out smaller in pictures, because I AM FAT, I don't understand how I can't fit into the BBW community. lol. But anyway, I'll tell you what I thought of each site.

POF- HORRIBLE, don't use.. the men are dogs.
OK Cupid- It's OK, the men and women using the site seem to be people who are professionals and don't have time to date, but still you get those weirdos.
Largerfriends- hated!! First off you can't chat with the people you find attractive, because you need to pay for a membership, so pretty much I can look but can't touch.

I'm hoping to maybe spark an interest on these forums. It's nice just chatting with people for once and not worrying if my pictures are good enough. Maybe meet someone at a future event. Funny story.. There is this local guy, in my area, on ALL THE SITES including all the BBWs sites. He has a tone of pictures up and he's super creepy, his bio screams serial killer. The other day I went out shopping and who was beyond me at the grocery store, creeper! And he came up to me and asked for my number. I couldn't run fast enough. LOL

<3Erica
Curious Erica: are you FFA? From the one pic you have posted here (i.e., your avatar), you look pretty thin, so I wondered why you thought you were BBW and whether you were interested in bigger guys.

Hope you are enjoying your visits here! It's a great community.

Chris
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