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Old 05-18-2006, 03:46 AM   #1
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Lightbulb When FAT ADMIRATION and HEALTH issues do intercross

I'd like FAs and FFAs to share opinions and experiences..

A loving couple. A FFA. An almost-BHM.
He loves food. He claims not to care if to be fat or thin. He knows she's a FFA. Probably he wouldn't mind to get chubbier to make her happy.
But he's been told that some more fat may lead to a risk of not being able to walk.
She cares about him. So she doesn't know what to think, in what to believe, what to consider a priority, if to attempt to deny her desires, how to do her best and what would actually be that best.
She feels like standing in the middle of a crossroad, blind, without a map, having no idea of where to go and how to get there.
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Old 05-18-2006, 04:46 AM   #2
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If he's only an almost-BHM, how will his gaining weight lead him to almost not being able to walk? Is there anything else at play?
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Old 05-18-2006, 05:01 AM   #3
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Originally Posted by AZ_Wolf
If he's only an almost-BHM, how will his gaining weight lead him to almost not being able to walk? Is there anything else at play?
Almost-BHM weights around 94-95 kg, but he had a knee operation and after that he's supposed to carry as little weight as possible. So, not only mustn't he gain any more, but he actually should lose some 10-20 kg.

Very simple. Very sad.
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Old 05-18-2006, 05:35 AM   #4
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Then you need to decide how strong your feelings are about him. If they're genuine, then FFAness should take a back seat.
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Old 05-18-2006, 05:54 AM   #5
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Originally Posted by AZ_Wolf
Then you need to decide how strong your feelings are about him. If they're genuine, then FFAness should take a back seat.
They are. But it's not that easy! I don't live on a desert island, we live together, and, even if he says he should go on a diet etc, he still loves food - and i'm not able to forbid my body to get aroused seeing him eat like there's no tomorrow, and he still is really far from being slim - and to make my FFAness take a back seat i would have to stop watching him at all.

I don't even know if there's a way to avoid any kind of suffering - that is - he sort of suffers thinking of harming himself being overweight, but also he suffers being hungry, i've seen him try going on a diet several times, and i'm not pretty sure he could easily handle it.

We've talked it over too, but there's no conclusion. What the hell can we conclude.. So we're just being informed.
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Old 05-18-2006, 06:18 AM   #6
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Default I Agree with Wolf

Being a FFA myself, it would have to take a backseat. I have been in similar situations before. While it's difficult to ignore what you're attracted to, physical only goes so far anyway.

While initially it may be the physical that grabs my attention, it's the person inside the body that is my true object of desire. But, maybe that's just me. When health comes into play, I always feel it best to do what you can to maintain your health.
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Old 05-18-2006, 07:11 AM   #7
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BeB said just what I wanted to say
I love men first for their minds, second for their bodies, which is why I date and love men of all sizes.
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Old 05-18-2006, 07:46 AM   #8
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Quote:
Originally Posted by missaf
BeB said just what I wanted to say
I love men first for their minds, second for their bodies, which is why I date and love men of all sizes.
I thank both of you, you have a reason. And actually when we met his weight was around 83 kg, so he was only slightly chubby, and i definately fell in love with HIM, not his body.

I just feel a little sad because i'm too serious about him and i guess i'd love to spend the entire life with him, that's why i wish there were no fundamental controversions.

And deamn me if he doesn't start to like seeing me aroused in less than a second when he lets me touch him or watch him nude!

Once, he said that riding a bicycle may help him to renforce his knee.. I'm not really fond of monotonous sports, i prefer extreme ones, but i'm gonna buy a bicycle tonight and make sure to go cycling in the countryside together as much as possible.
Donno if this would solve the problem. I simply can't give up on this.
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Old 05-18-2006, 04:45 PM   #9
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I think the excercise part is definitely a must for the sake of his knee. Walking and bikeriding will do wonders. Also yoga would help. I'd also suggest traditional foods which tend to be very healthy. Any time I go to Italy I lose weight because the quality of the food is so much better than here in the states, plus there is so much walking (and I get tired of being told I'm "grosso"). When cousins come out here, they gain a bunch of weight.

Scrivi inglese bene. Scrivo poco Italiano, ma mi piace parlare Italiano. . . . penso!!!!
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Old 05-18-2006, 07:11 PM   #10
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oh gawd. nightmare.

i have to admit: i'm not like missaf and blueeyedbanshee. For me, the physical attraction is everything and i couldn't get past that. I'm completely focused on visual stimulation. I can date a guy i don't particularly like as long as he's fat. Conversely, the nicest and funniest guy in the world wouldn't interest me in the slightest unless he was overweight.

So...I would say that knowing a guy was losing weight would end my feelings for him. If it was me, I would have to just be friends with him.

But that's me, and i'm pretty shallow.
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Old 05-18-2006, 07:19 PM   #11
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Quote:
Originally Posted by inertia
oh gawd. nightmare.

i have to admit: i'm not like missaf and blueeyedbanshee. For me, the physical attraction is everything and i couldn't get past that. I'm completely focused on visual stimulation. I can date a guy i don't particularly like as long as he's fat. Conversely, the nicest and funniest guy in the world wouldn't interest me in the slightest unless he was overweight.

So...I would say that knowing a guy was losing weight would end my feelings for him. If it was me, I would have to just be friends with him.

But that's me, and i'm pretty shallow.
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Old 05-18-2006, 11:33 PM   #12
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Reads4Work
I think the excercise part is definitely a must for the sake of his knee. Walking and bikeriding will do wonders. Also yoga would help. I'd also suggest traditional foods which tend to be very healthy. Any time I go to Italy I lose weight because the quality of the food is so much better than here in the states,
As for the food, you have a reason - it's definately healthier here, but it's also too good to resist it!

Quote:
Originally Posted by Reads4Work
plus there is so much walking
Well, if you come here for business of tourism then yes, but usually we drive too

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Originally Posted by Reads4Work
(and I get tired of being told I'm "grosso").
Do you mean "grasso" (fat) or "grosso" (big)?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Reads4Work
When cousins come out here, they gain a bunch of weight.
I've got an idea Once in lifetime we should visit the States!

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Originally Posted by Reads4Work
Scrivi inglese bene. Scrivo poco Italiano, ma mi piace parlare Italiano. . . . penso!!!!
Complimenti! Scrivi bene pure tu Vieni spesso in Italia?
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Old 05-19-2006, 01:21 AM   #13
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Quote:
Originally Posted by inertia
oh gawd. nightmare.

i have to admit: i'm not like missaf and blueeyedbanshee. For me, the physical attraction is everything and i couldn't get past that. I'm completely focused on visual stimulation. I can date a guy i don't particularly like as long as he's fat. Conversely, the nicest and funniest guy in the world wouldn't interest me in the slightest unless he was overweight.

So...I would say that knowing a guy was losing weight would end my feelings for him. If it was me, I would have to just be friends with him.

But that's me, and i'm pretty shallow.
I guess that for me the importance of fat is the same.

Last weekend when we went shopping for trousers i saw him take those one size smaller and two sizes smaller than usual to try on... i was terrified... no, not terrified, but TERRIFIED. At last i discovered that was nothing more than a hope . And we happily took several 56 size pairs

But actually caring about his health and admiring him fat don't differ that much by the level of importance.

So there's only one way out - to get both. This would be pretty tough, i know. But i belong to that dumb kind of people who get what they desire no matter how much it costs.
I'll see how will it go with cycling... I'll see...
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Old 05-19-2006, 04:56 AM   #14
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Quote:
Originally Posted by inertia
oh gawd. nightmare.

i have to admit: i'm not like missaf and blueeyedbanshee. For me, the physical attraction is everything and i couldn't get past that. I'm completely focused on visual stimulation. I can date a guy i don't particularly like as long as he's fat. Conversely, the nicest and funniest guy in the world wouldn't interest me in the slightest unless he was overweight.

So...I would say that knowing a guy was losing weight would end my feelings for him. If it was me, I would have to just be friends with him.

But that's me, and i'm pretty shallow.
do u actualy care bout ur bf? if dat waz me + i found out dat you only liked me coz i was fat i wud b hurt. is tere any feeling 4 u or cud ne1 take u away from him?
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Old 05-19-2006, 06:05 AM   #15
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Default Knee deep in thought

It's true that arthitis of the knee is more common in people with higher weight. However, I don't think we're talking about arthtitis here. It's also true that many activities like running on hard pavement put more stress (in the engineering sense --more force per square inch) on the knees than walking or non-impact exercise and much more than simply being heavier than average --even if you're twice as heavy. It's also true that orthopedists are among the most size-prejudiced doctors as they are in the tradition of sports medicine.

The bottom line is that there is no disease that is exclusive to fat people. Thin people and fat people get all the same diseases. Some diseases may be statistically more common in fat people, but there could be many causes for this, including social factors and the regard a person has for his body. Fat people are encouraged to hate their bodies, and when you hate your body you do not take care of it. A fat man with a partner who loves his body and cares what happens to him is going to be much healthier than a fat man who hates his body and lives alone or in an unhappy relationship.
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Old 05-19-2006, 10:47 AM   #16
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hello, pointandlaugh. I had to get someone younger than me to translate your post, by the way. You kids!

In reply; i love and respect my boyfriend very much. BUT...if he got thin i wouldn't be attracted to him any more. I'd still love him, but in a different way. We'd be friends rather than lovers. That's the truth, and he knows that.

It's not very pleasant thing to say but, hey, at least i'm honest. I'm ALL about looks. I just hope he never loses weight, then it won't be an issue...
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Old 05-19-2006, 03:04 PM   #17
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ciccia
I thank both of you, you have a reason. And actually when we met his weight was around 83 kg, so he was only slightly chubby, and i definately fell in love with HIM, not his body.

................

Once, he said that riding a bicycle may help him to renforce his knee.. I'm not really fond of monotonous sports, i prefer extreme ones, but i'm gonna buy a bicycle tonight and make sure to go cycling in the countryside together as much as possible.
Donno if this would solve the problem. I simply can't give up on this.
Hey Ciccia, just some semi-random thoughts and comments.

There are a lot of different ways that knees can be damaged. My wife had bad knees, with the problem being no cartilage left on the inside of the knee cap, so the leg bones rub right against the knee cap. She was told to avoid high impact sports like jogging and downhill skiing.

The funny thing is that when she started having the knee problems, she was about 65kg--this was just before we met. As we dated she gained weight, until several years later she was at her heaviest of about 108 kg. The funny thing is that during this time, her knees got better. Since then she has lost some weight (down to about 95kg), and she has still has very little knee problems.

I think a few things helped her. First, she was very careful not to hurt her knees--each time you do that they get a little worse. So for example she avoided long flights of stairs (up or down) which she found made her knees hurt, and she stayed away from things where she was apt to fall and bang her knees again. Second, she started buying very good shoes (Doc Martens), which give good support and impact absorbtion, so that she will not have as much impact on her knees when walking around. Third, she started biking more and more. At first she had to be very careful on hills and gear down a lot, or she could stress her knees, but as she got stronger she has been able to push harder.

Now, as she got heavier there was obviously more weight on her knee, but sometimes I wonder if somehow the fat did not also cushion shocks a little better too? Or maybe just tended to make her move a little more slowly, which made less shock?

Also, yes, when you like your partner fat, and enjoy seeing them get fatter, it is hard to see them get smaller. But at the same time, you can enjoy the memories of them growing, and appreciate the chubbiness that they still have. Maybe encourage your boyfriend to work on gradually building up his leg strength while being very careful of his knee, while losing just a little bit of weight. Since it sounds like he is not so good at losing weight, maybe in a year he will find that he has lost only a little weight, but has much less knee problems?

Oh, and biking is not so dull, I think, if you ride behind him and watch his large legs pumping up and down, see how belly bulges out over his pants as he leans over the handle-bars, etc. At least, I've never gotten bored of biking behind my wife

Regards;

-Ed
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Old 05-19-2006, 04:18 PM   #18
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Originally Posted by inertia
hello, pointandlaugh. I had to get someone younger than me to translate your post, by the way. You kids!

In reply; i love and respect my boyfriend very much. BUT...if he got thin i wouldn't be attracted to him any more. I'd still love him, but in a different way. We'd be friends rather than lovers. That's the truth, and he knows that.

It's not very pleasant thing to say but, hey, at least i'm honest. I'm ALL about looks. I just hope he never loses weight, then it won't be an issue...
i am nt a kid i am 21. i dnt c hw u cud lose all feelings 4 ur bf if he lost weight? 4 me i think dat tere is physical atraction bt ten u find otha things dat u like. i kno dat i luv fat gurls bt wen i d8 them i find otha things to like nt just da fat.

wud he av 2 lose lots of weight 4 u 2 nt like him? or just a little? how big is he?

i waz just wondering if ne fat guy cud win u ova by bein fatter than ur bf or r u strong 2gether?
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Old 05-19-2006, 04:55 PM   #19
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hello again, pointandlaugh (interesting name).

i don't think, at this stage, that anyone else could tempt me away from my boyfriend (though, obviously, i like to look at pictures of other fat guys). Still, this is kind of a complicated issue for me.

of course there are things i like about him other than his body but if i wasn't attracted to his body then we'd just be friends rather than boyfriend and girlfriend. See?

I could probably tolerate him losing some weight if he didn't draw attention to it, but if i knew he was actively trying to lose it that would put me off him immediately. See what I mean? Because I am primarily interested in guys gaining, not just being fat, I have to be able to be able to imagine that he is putting on weight. So if i knew he was losing weight, i wouldn't be able to get off.

I don't actually know how big my fella is (don't have a scale: i'll have to get one!) but think he is about twenty-twenty one stone (280-294ish lbs). He says he is heavier but i'm not convinced...

yeah, we are strong as far as i'm concerned. We are just about to move into our first flat (apartment?) together so i bloody hope so!

to edx: you're right: biking is terrific, despite the 'beneficial' effects of the exercise it provides. So much fun. I definitely endorse that recommendation.
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Old 05-20-2006, 03:30 AM   #20
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In this case the original poster was talking about a specific problem, not 'health' in general, so the argument 'there are no diseases only fat people get' is not applicable.

This man's doctor has told him his joints can not support a higher weight, so he shouldn't weigh more. This is pretty simple.

If a man had a big boob fetish, and his partner's doctor said that her large breasts were causing back pain and spine curvature, then she needs a reduction. I don't think her first concern should be her partner's fetish.

First off, consider if you can be attracted to him if he's thin, if not, you need to consider if you'll continue the relationship without your sexual desires being as strong. If you CAN still be attracted to him, what I think the two of you can do is work on ways to satisfy your fetish buy not sacrifice his health. You can look at fat porn together, read WG fiction, watch fat porn movies, indulge in fantasy talk. Since he can't gain weight, he can exercise and maybe you can do a weekly or biweekly stuffing so you can watch him eat and enjoy a swollen tummy without him gaining.
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Old 05-20-2006, 03:34 AM   #21
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Hi

You are right, but some Doctors will take this fact to the extreme and have the guy dieting down to PeeWee Herman size!!

This guy will know himself when he has reached the weight that is his "equilibrium point"

William


Quote:
Originally Posted by LoveBHMS
In this case the original poster was talking about a specific problem, not 'health' in general, so the argument 'there are no diseases only fat people get' is not applicable.

This man's doctor has told him his joints can not support a higher weight, so he shouldn't weigh more. This is pretty simple.

If a man had a big boob fetish, and his partner's doctor said that her large breasts were causing back pain and spine curvature, then she needs a reduction. I don't think her first concern should be her partner's fetish.

First off, consider if you can be attracted to him if he's thin, if not, you need to consider if you'll continue the relationship without your sexual desires being as strong. If you CAN still be attracted to him, what I think the two of you can do is work on ways to satisfy your fetish buy not sacrifice his health. You can look at fat porn together, read WG fiction, watch fat porn movies, indulge in fantasy talk. Since he can't gain weight, he can exercise and maybe you can do a weekly or biweekly stuffing so you can watch him eat and enjoy a swollen tummy without him gaining.
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Old 05-20-2006, 10:13 AM   #22
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Quote:
Originally Posted by inertia
hello again, pointandlaugh (interesting name).

i don't think, at this stage, that anyone else could tempt me away from my boyfriend (though, obviously, i like to look at pictures of other fat guys). Still, this is kind of a complicated issue for me.

of course there are things i like about him other than his body but if i wasn't attracted to his body then we'd just be friends rather than boyfriend and girlfriend. See?

I could probably tolerate him losing some weight if he didn't draw attention to it, but if i knew he was actively trying to lose it that would put me off him immediately. See what I mean? Because I am primarily interested in guys gaining, not just being fat, I have to be able to be able to imagine that he is putting on weight. So if i knew he was losing weight, i wouldn't be able to get off.

I don't actually know how big my fella is (don't have a scale: i'll have to get one!) but think he is about twenty-twenty one stone (280-294ish lbs). He says he is heavier but i'm not convinced...

yeah, we are strong as far as i'm concerned. We are just about to move into our first flat (apartment?) together so i bloody hope so!
my name is kinda bita fun. with bein a big dood i got teased a lot @ skool they pointed and laughed. i am confortable wiv my w8 now so i make a joke from it.

im not sure wot i fink of this gaining fing. i like chubby gurls but im mainly on ere 2 get confidence bout bein fat. i am bout 25 stones and i want 2 lose some w8 as i cant find a gurl who will accept me as i am.

inertica, i really fancy u. do u av ne mor pics? cud u message me wiv them?

does ur bf kno u like gainin as well as him bein fat? mayb he will gain 4 u? i will gain for u.
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Old 05-20-2006, 01:50 PM   #23
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Originally Posted by Buffetbelly
It's true that arthitis of the knee is more common in people with higher weight. However, I don't think we're talking about arthtitis here.
Yep, his knee's been operated few years ago and now it doesn't function as good as before.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Buffetbelly
The bottom line is that there is no disease that is exclusive to fat people. Thin people and fat people get all the same diseases. Some diseases may be statistically more common in fat people, but there could be many causes for this, including social factors and the regard a person has for his body. Fat people are encouraged to hate their bodies, and when you hate your body you do not take care of it. A fat man with a partner who loves his body and cares what happens to him is going to be much healthier than a fat man who hates his body and lives alone or in an unhappy relationship.
AND HERE YOU ARE COMPLETELY RIGHT. If i only knew how to explain!
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Old 05-20-2006, 02:13 PM   #24
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Quote:
Originally Posted by edx
Hey Ciccia, just some semi-random thoughts and comments.

There are a lot of different ways that knees can be damaged. My wife had bad knees, with the problem being no cartilage left on the inside of the knee cap, so the leg bones rub right against the knee cap. She was told to avoid high impact sports like jogging and downhill skiing.

The funny thing is that when she started having the knee problems, she was about 65kg--this was just before we met. As we dated she gained weight, until several years later she was at her heaviest of about 108 kg. The funny thing is that during this time, her knees got better. Since then she has lost some weight (down to about 95kg), and she has still has very little knee problems.

I think a few things helped her. First, she was very careful not to hurt her knees--each time you do that they get a little worse. So for example she avoided long flights of stairs (up or down) which she found made her knees hurt, and she stayed away from things where she was apt to fall and bang her knees again. Second, she started buying very good shoes (Doc Martens), which give good support and impact absorbtion, so that she will not have as much impact on her knees when walking around. Third, she started biking more and more. At first she had to be very careful on hills and gear down a lot, or she could stress her knees, but as she got stronger she has been able to push harder.

Now, as she got heavier there was obviously more weight on her knee, but sometimes I wonder if somehow the fat did not also cushion shocks a little better too? Or maybe just tended to make her move a little more slowly, which made less shock?

Also, yes, when you like your partner fat, and enjoy seeing them get fatter, it is hard to see them get smaller. But at the same time, you can enjoy the memories of them growing, and appreciate the chubbiness that they still have. Maybe encourage your boyfriend to work on gradually building up his leg strength while being very careful of his knee, while losing just a little bit of weight. Since it sounds like he is not so good at losing weight, maybe in a year he will find that he has lost only a little weight, but has much less knee problems?

Oh, and biking is not so dull, I think, if you ride behind him and watch his large legs pumping up and down, see how belly bulges out over his pants as he leans over the handle-bars, etc. At least, I've never gotten bored of biking behind my wife

Regards;

-Ed

Thank you Ed!
You're so sweet!
I really loved reading about the experience of your wife!

I actually believe that some things we are sure of come true with a higher probability.
I mean that if someone believes that something causes a problem, than this problem would appear.
So if somebody believes that being fat damages his knee, than he unconsiously tries to prove his belief, looks for the "signs" and interprets them the way to convince himself even more. I don't know how to pull a person away from that circle..

We got the bikes today, yep, it's a lovely thing to see his cute ass in front of me!

But.. we came home, he took a loaf of bread for dinner and nothing else. He says he's not hungry. I don't know what's on his mind and i'm worried as hell. So i didn't have dinner too. For several days he eats almost nothing. And here i am, worried more than angry, writing this post. Maybe it's not very nice of me to discuss our personal struggles on public, but what else can i do if everything i say makes him angry and he doesn't want to talk. I wonder how important the FFAsness is. But it's also true that i worry not only because he would lose weight, but also because i care about him, and i know that if someone suddenly changes the habits, it's a bad sign and there's something that goes wrong, something that makes him sad.

I want to help him and i don't know how. I guess that tonight i'm only able to hate myself for who i am (even if i know that i shouldn't). I'm not some beast. I love him and i hate it when he denies my will to help, to be close to him. I dream of relaxation, i'm ready for compromises, i'm trying but i fail.

I hope to have more time on monday of tuesday morning, to review all the recent post and write more. I know things will get better, or maybe i just want to believe in it, whatever, let's see.

Thanks again Ed.
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Old 05-22-2006, 02:23 AM   #25
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Originally Posted by inertia
hello, pointandlaugh. I had to get someone younger than me to translate your post, by the way. You kids!

In reply; i love and respect my boyfriend very much. BUT...if he got thin i wouldn't be attracted to him any more. I'd still love him, but in a different way. We'd be friends rather than lovers. That's the truth, and he knows that.

It's not very pleasant thing to say but, hey, at least i'm honest. I'm ALL about looks. I just hope he never loses weight, then it won't be an issue...
Inertia,

I don't think you are shallow or superficial!

I think that being FFA is a sexual preference (if not fetish) - some prefer blond guys and would hardly ever take a look at a dark-haired guy - and so some prefer fat guys to thin ones!

On the other hand (if fetish) being FFA is a sexual orientation - the whole world is already ok with homosexual people and everybody understands that a gay wouldn't physically manage to have sex with a woman, and hardly somebody may say that homosexual people are shallow or superficial, they are being accepted the way they are and they (generally, because there are foolish people who dislike whoever who's different from themselves) aren't being blamed.

What if, in a heterosexual couple, she would become a man or he would become a woman? If they truly love each other, than, maybe, after some struggles, they would manage to stay friends, but would they manage to make love? Almost definately no. And this is obvious.

So, in a BHM/FFA couple, if he becomes thin, would it be any different? I suppose that this question is a rethorical one.

Pardon me everybody, but i retain that, at the level of a concept, being FA or FFA isn't quite different from being homosexual or heterosexual. It's insane to call FFAs egoists, unless you come from Middle Ages.

I wish i had enough free time to make an appropriate scientific study. One day, i bet i will. And for the time being, i suppose that this brief post is clear enough.
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