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Old 05-22-2006, 02:59 AM   #26
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Originally Posted by LoveBHMS
In this case the original poster was talking about a specific problem, not 'health' in general, so the argument 'there are no diseases only fat people get' is not applicable.

This man's doctor has told him his joints can not support a higher weight, so he shouldn't weigh more. This is pretty simple.

If a man had a big boob fetish, and his partner's doctor said that her large breasts were causing back pain and spine curvature, then she needs a reduction. I don't think her first concern should be her partner's fetish.

First off, consider if you can be attracted to him if he's thin, if not, you need to consider if you'll continue the relationship without your sexual desires being as strong. If you CAN still be attracted to him, what I think the two of you can do is work on ways to satisfy your fetish buy not sacrifice his health. You can look at fat porn together, read WG fiction, watch fat porn movies, indulge in fantasy talk. Since he can't gain weight, he can exercise and maybe you can do a weekly or biweekly stuffing so you can watch him eat and enjoy a swollen tummy without him gaining.
You sound reasonable.

Well, few days ago i finally added the beloved fat sites to the favorites, so now he's got even more chances to find out where do i browse for pleasure (hmmm, if yet he didn't).

Still, i prefer telling him directly to being caught reading WG fiction.
Still, it's not so easy.
I really do care a lot about him and it seems to me that he pretends to be ok with my FAsness only when feeling generous enough to please me even in that ridiculous way.

Still, i would prefer him gain to seeing him overeat occasionally.
Still, something would be better than nothing.

Still, i'm still confused.
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Old 05-22-2006, 11:06 AM   #27
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Probably gonna cause some issues here but some things I saw in this thread bugged me so I just wanted to state my opinion.

I don't think there's anything wrong with first being attracted to someone for a specific reason. Wow she has big boobs...oh he's nice and chubby...whatever is the thing that initially attracts you to the person is great. But I think that you can't get hung up on this one thing and demand that this person never change it or "I won't love you anymore". That just seems really unreasonable and completely unfair. I really see it as the same thing as a husband falling out of love with his wife because she gained weight and now to him she's undesirable. Just drives me nutty. You should not be in love with the outside...its the inside that matters. What if your partner gets cancer or something and loses weight? What then? I mean theres a ton of things that can happen. For better or for worse people.
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Old 05-22-2006, 02:17 PM   #28
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Originally Posted by Dibaby35
Probably gonna cause some issues here but some things I saw in this thread bugged me so I just wanted to state my opinion.

I don't think there's anything wrong with first being attracted to someone for a specific reason. Wow she has big boobs...oh he's nice and chubby...whatever is the thing that initially attracts you to the person is great. But I think that you can't get hung up on this one thing and demand that this person never change it or "I won't love you anymore". That just seems really unreasonable and completely unfair. I really see it as the same thing as a husband falling out of love with his wife because she gained weight and now to him she's undesirable. Just drives me nutty. You should not be in love with the outside...its the inside that matters. What if your partner gets cancer or something and loses weight? What then? I mean theres a ton of things that can happen. For better or for worse people.
Yes, it's inside that matters. But:

Please re-read my recent post - it's about sexual orientation.
What, if you're heterosexual, if your boyfriend decided to become a male? You would love and respect him still maybe, but as a friend, as a brother, you wouldn't make love to HIM - already HER.
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Old 05-23-2006, 05:54 AM   #29
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ciccia's right.

It's not nice, but it's just what people are like. Looks matter, whether that's a good or a bad thing. People do stop being attracted to their partners for purely physical reasons.

That doesn't make them bad people. They can't help how they feel. Nobody would choose to stop being attracted to their partner. Anybody given the choice would want to see their partner as stunningly good-looking.

If someone's into fat and their partner loses weight, their interest will decrease too. Sad but true. I'm terrified of my boyfriend getting thinner, 'cause I know i couldn't cope with that.

Also, even if the person doesn't leave their now-less-attractive partner, they'll be far more likely to cheat on them, which is probably worse.
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Old 05-23-2006, 06:14 AM   #30
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Originally Posted by inertia
ciccia's right.

It's not nice, but it's just what people are like. Looks matter, whether that's a good or a bad thing. People do stop being attracted to their partners for purely physical reasons.

That doesn't make them bad people. They can't help how they feel. Nobody would choose to stop being attracted to their partner. Anybody given the choice would want to see their partner as stunningly good-looking.

If someone's into fat and their partner loses weight, their interest will decrease too. Sad but true. I'm terrified of my boyfriend getting thinner, 'cause I know i couldn't cope with that.

Also, even if the person doesn't leave their now-less-attractive partner, they'll be far more likely to cheat on them, which is probably worse.

Yep,

I would just add that the thing is deeper than "looks".

It's not just looking that attracts, causes tenderness, turns on - it's feeling. touching, ecc, it's the whole gamma of senses.

Once i went out with a guy who told me a funny (for me, not for him) story. He met a girl - "all inclusive" - ass, tits, face - everything seemed to be perfect. He just couldn't understand why wasn't he attracted to her. She tried to kiss him and he got jimjams, it felt horrible. They tried to lie down on the sofa. Still there were no signs of erection. Then she confessed she used to be a guy.

"Look" sounds too much superficial. I would insist on calling it "sexual orientation" afterall!

Heterosexual men are attracted by women, and no matter how smart and handsom other men are, they AREN'T ABLE to make love to them.

FFAs are attracted by fat men, and it works the same way.

These aren't just looks, these are minds, souls, senses - everything that's involved in every relationship, no matter of what orientation.
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Old 05-23-2006, 06:48 AM   #31
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Hmmm...

I'm not buying it. When you make a commitment to each other its for better of for worse. That's the problems with society today everyone is so keyed on what each other look like. Beauty fades..your look IS going to change. There is nothing you can do about it. When my hubby to be and I (please Lord let this be someday) are 75 is it going to matter what the outside looks like? Yes it is the whole package...but to be "terrified" that the person you love is going to change physically just is sort of sad to me. Each to his own I guess. I just have wayy to many other things to worry about I guess.

I truely do hope though that everyone can find happiness in their life. Peace to you all.
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Old 05-24-2006, 02:03 AM   #32
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Originally Posted by Buffetbelly
It's true that arthitis of the knee is more common in people with higher weight. However, I don't think we're talking about arthtitis here. It's also true that many activities like running on hard pavement put more stress (in the engineering sense --more force per square inch) on the knees than walking or non-impact exercise and much more than simply being heavier than average --even if you're twice as heavy. It's also true that orthopedists are among the most size-prejudiced doctors as they are in the tradition of sports medicine.

The bottom line is that there is no disease that is exclusive to fat people. Thin people and fat people get all the same diseases. Some diseases may be statistically more common in fat people, but there could be many causes for this, including social factors and the regard a person has for his body. Fat people are encouraged to hate their bodies, and when you hate your body you do not take care of it. A fat man with a partner who loves his body and cares what happens to him is going to be much healthier than a fat man who hates his body and lives alone or in an unhappy relationship.

Here's my take on obesity and health. It's pretty obvious that there are significant health risks associated with being very overweight (BMI > 30). The most common and significant of these is probably diabetes, which leads to accelerated heart and kidney disease. Obesity itself isn't very strongly correlated with heart attacks, but diabetics do have a significantly increased risk. Arthritis, liver and gallbladder disease and blood clots are others that are significantly increased.

That being said, however, the risks of being obese are nowhere near as severe as you would expect from listening to people like Richard Simmons or Dr. Phil talk. There's a huge weight loss industry out there that loves to demonize fat 'cause it makes the money.

My feeling is this: people who are obese should be aware of the associated risks. However, as mentioned above self-esteem is important so doctors should respect the boundaries of their patients and not try to heroically interfere with firm decisions.
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Old 05-25-2006, 07:57 PM   #33
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Quote:
Originally Posted by inertia
ciccia's right.
It's not nice, but it's just what people are like. Looks matter, whether that's a good or a bad thing. People do stop being attracted to their partners for purely physical reasons.
That would be initial attraction, lets say as stated before they guy likes your boobs the shape/size/feel of them, now does it bother you that he's dating a set of boobs? I mean you can't ever have children or age, when that happens.. those boobs he fell in love with are gone!!! and he then has to leave as well.. in search of new boobs.. I'm sorry.. I can't even be serious about this.. it's just too funny..

Quote:
Originally Posted by nathanb
Here's my take on obesity and health. It's pretty obvious that there are significant health risks associated with being very overweight (BMI > 30). The most common and significant of these is probably diabetes, which leads to accelerated heart and kidney disease. Obesity itself isn't very strongly correlated with heart attacks, but diabetics do have a significantly increased risk. Arthritis, liver and gallbladder disease and blood clots are others that are significantly increased.

That being said, however, the risks of being obese are nowhere near as severe as you would expect from listening to people like Richard Simmons or Dr. Phil talk. There's a huge weight loss industry out there that loves to demonize fat 'cause it makes the money.

My feeling is this: people who are obese should be aware of the associated risks. However, as mentioned above self-esteem is important so doctors should respect the boundaries of their patients and not try to heroically interfere with firm decisions.
I'll have to slightly disagree with you on this one.. what about a 50BMI or greater. Even if they're non diabetic.. NAFLD, Arthritis, blood pressure, are no longer just increased risk, rather they become almost fact.. There is a weight that a body can't handle, and it will catch up to you over time. I'm not saying that people like this shouldn't get just treatment in society, but it shouldn't be encouraged... unless they enjoy it..
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Old 05-26-2006, 08:46 AM   #34
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polarkat- funny as it might seem, I think that's pretty much how it works a lot of the time! I have to accept that, just as i'd lose interest in my boyfriend if he lost weight, he'd probably bugger off if i put some on (or if i lost my hair, or got horribly disfigured, or...or...) I think that's fair.

On the issue of health, i have to admit, the idea of a guy's weight affecting his wellbeing is frankly erotic. That's pretty selfish but, you know, that's kind of a theme with me.
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Old 05-26-2006, 10:31 AM   #35
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Originally Posted by inertia
On the issue of health, i have to admit, the idea of a guy's weight affecting his wellbeing is frankly erotic. That's pretty selfish but, you know, that's kind of a theme with me.
so let me get this strait, u r turned on by the health of some1 being compromised by geting fat? if ur bfs health started 2 get ill bcos he would fat, dat wud turn u on? wud u not b hurt if he like died bcos he got really fat + had a hartattack? pls explain inertia.
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Old 05-26-2006, 11:45 AM   #36
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pointandlaugh, just the idea. It's a fantasy thing.

As i understand it, it's not an uncommon occurence for a person to be sexually aroused by medical issues. Some people are excited by the idea of a person having a chronic condition, such as insulin-dependent diabetes, which requires daily monitoring and self-medication.

That doesn't mean they'd actually wish the condition on a real-life partner who they care about. They probably wouldn't find the reality of it very exciting, anyway. It's just the idea they get a kick out of.

I wouldn't actually want my boyfriend to become ill due to his weight or experience mobility issues due in real life, but thinking about it is a massive turn-on. It's good in WG fiction, but not reality.
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Old 05-26-2006, 11:54 AM   #37
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Originally Posted by inertia
I wouldn't actually want my boyfriend to become ill due to his weight or experience mobility issues due in real life, but thinking about it is a massive turn-on. It's good in WG fiction, but not reality.
god cos dat wudnt be rite. im sure he is a nice guy but u sud neva tell him a stuff u talk bout on da bored bcos he prob cudnt take it. it is prety full on stff u r saying. av u secretly been wanting him 2 gain?
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Old 05-26-2006, 12:34 PM   #38
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Quote:
Originally Posted by inertia
ciccia's right.

It's not nice, but it's just what people are like. Looks matter, whether that's a good or a bad thing. People do stop being attracted to their partners for purely physical reasons.

That doesn't make them bad people. They can't help how they feel. Nobody would choose to stop being attracted to their partner. Anybody given the choice would want to see their partner as stunningly good-looking.

I'm fairly torn on this issue, to be honest. What I have seen kind of points in different directions.

- There are studies that show couples with a good sex life are substantially more likely to stay together. So saying that you should not worry about sexual attraction, just focus on the platonic love, may sound like high minded advice, but evidence is that for most people it makes long term connection less likely.

- Most people seem to become more themselves as they get older. So an FA is, if anything, apt to simply become more strongly confirmed an FA. I used to run a couple of yahoo groups aimed at attached FA (both eventually went quiet, but the archives are still there if anyone wants to go look--just ask), and heard from several guys married 10, even 20 years, to thin women that they'd fallen in love with way back when, and they were still hoping that their wives would gain a little bit of weight.

- When we are young, and when relationships are new, I think sex plays a stronger role in things. In time you come to see your partner through the goggles of your love. They are beautiful to you because they are who they are. On the other hand, if who they are seems to greatly change, that could shake you out of this mode, I imagine. Like with the examples given of one partner going for a sex change, or even in the case of a formerly fat and happy partner getting heavily into weight gain. I think it may not be so much their loss of weight, but the fact that they would no longer be somebody that you felt you could trust with with your desires.

- As a thought experiment, this might be useful. Imagine your gorgeous, fat, partner, loses weight. It could be that they can't help it, or that they feel they have to (i.e. for medical reasons) but they don't want to. They still feel that they were more attractive when fat, they are happy to recall fatter days, they will role-play out gaining episodes, they even understand your attraction to fat guys/gals, and maybe point them out for your titillation. But, they are now not fat, and will not likely become fat again. Could you handle that? On the flip side, imagine a partner who is as fat as you could ever ask, who is maybe even getting fatter if you like--but who doesn't feel that fat is sexy, would rather be thin, thinks thin people of his/her gender are attractive and fat folk are gross. Who would you rather be with? Obviously that is a very artificial choice, but it helps to highlight the difference between attraction to the physical, and attraction to attitude.

- On a personal note, I know I made the mistake of assuming that if I liked fat on my partner and made that clear and made it as easy and comfortable as possible for her being a fat person that she would naturally come to enjoy it. After all, permission to eat what she wants, exercise only because it is something she wants to do--what is not to like? Well, it doesn't work that way, just as we have preferences in what we find sexy in others, we all have preferences in what we find sexy in ourself. These can be changed some, but usually not totally. So my partner appreciates my attraction to her, but has no appreciation of her own for those fat bits that drive me wild. She is not anti-fat, she just isn't attracted to it particularly. So my advice to others is never assume that you can make someone like being fat. Maybe in some cases it will work, but I think in most it won't if they are not starting with some appreciation of it already.

No particular point to all that, just passing along my experiences and observations.

Regards;

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Old 05-26-2006, 04:39 PM   #39
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Originally Posted by inertia
polarkat- funny as it might seem, I think that's pretty much how it works a lot of the time! I have to accept that, just as i'd lose interest in my boyfriend if he lost weight, he'd probably bugger off if i put some on (or if i lost my hair, or got horribly disfigured, or...or...) I think that's fair.

On the issue of health, i have to admit, the idea of a guy's weight affecting his wellbeing is frankly erotic. That's pretty selfish but, you know, that's kind of a theme with me.
Sorry, it was that mock scenario.. I could just imagine the beating some guy would get for using that as a breakup line "Sorry Babe.. just your boobs.."

I don't disagree with the points you're making, just trying to say the person you're going to live with is also supposed to be your close friend and moral support.. and when things are bad.. last thing you need is your moral support ditching for the same reason..
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Old 05-26-2006, 04:41 PM   #40
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Originally Posted by pointandlaugh
god cos dat wudnt be rite. im sure he is a nice guy but u sud neva tell him a stuff u talk bout on da bored bcos he prob cudnt take it. it is prety full on stff u r saying. av u secretly been wanting him 2 gain?
not secretly. He knows all about my...interests. Even the weirder ones. He sees all the things i post on this board. He totally accepts what i'm into but he just isn't interested in actually gaining himself. Could be a lot worse.
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Old 05-27-2006, 11:05 AM   #41
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I don't disagree with the points you're making, just trying to say the person you're going to live with is also supposed to be your close friend and moral support.. and when things are bad.. last thing you need is your moral support ditching for the same reason..
i agree wiv PK. i fink if u r goin 2 move in wiv some1 den u shud b best buds. u need 2 trust each otha + b 4 real. u av 2 b able 2 wrk thro da hard times.

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Originally Posted by inertia
not secretly. He knows all about my...interests. Even the weirder ones. He sees all the things i post on this board. He totally accepts what i'm into but he just isn't interested in actually gaining himself. Could be a lot worse.
+ ur bf is ok wiv ur interests? what r da weirder 1s? ur bf cs all ur posts? is ur bf on da bored? wots his username?
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Old 05-27-2006, 11:50 AM   #42
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+ ur bf is ok wiv ur interests? what r da weirder 1s? ur bf cs all ur posts? is ur bf on da bored? wots his username?
no, he isn't on the board. like i said, he's not at all interested in gaining.
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Old 05-27-2006, 01:19 PM   #43
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no, he isn't on the board. like i said, he's not at all interested in gaining.
wot r ur weird interests ten?
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Old 05-27-2006, 02:09 PM   #44
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Inertia - Thank you for your honesty and bravery in admitting what many feel regarding physical attraction. I know for one that appearance is important. I have known many fantastic ladies who I would like to have a had a relationship with but for a lack of physical attraction, and I am certain that there have been women who have felt the same about me.

You often here (at least here in the states) that looks aren't as important to a woman as say a sense of humor. Bullshit..i know lots of very funny fat guys who are single.

on a side note..Pointandlaugh, I don't want to sound like a jerk but please learn to write English like an adult and not someone who spends all day text messaging. Your post are incomprehensible and while I think you are asking serious and thoughtful questions, the text lingo just makes you look like a troll. Sorry to be blunt. Act like a grown up and you will be taken seriously as a grown up. Yes I am an old fart..i admit it.
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Old 05-27-2006, 10:36 PM   #45
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I have to agree. The look really does matter a lot for me, too. Not just the fat, but clothes and style, hair, behaveiour the whole spectrum of optical appearance. Then comes the inside. When the inside is nice but there´s no physical attraction at all, ones could become only good friends but nothing more.
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Old 05-28-2006, 10:37 AM   #46
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I don't think people are getting what I was saying earlier. Here's the scenario thats been presented in this thread:

Two people are initially attracted to each other for physical reasons. They get to know each other..time passes. They fall in love with each other (for the inside and outside). More time passes..maybe they get married, maybe they don't but the commitment is still there. All of a sudden one of them changes physically in some way (maybe they can control it...maybe they can't). The other one is turned off even though the person hasn't changed at all in the inside. The turned off partner decides they don't love the person anymore and leaves. Changed person is heartbroken.

This is what most people are agreeing is okay in this thread from what I'm understanding. I just don't agree with it and I think its a huge reason why people get divorced.
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Old 05-28-2006, 04:05 PM   #47
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I have a problem along these lines...I'm a FFA and my husband is a low end BHM (he's only around 250 lbs, 5 ft 11 in.) On the low end, but has a NICE belly!

Anyway, he was diagnosed as type 2 diabetic about 5 years ago or so, and he is also hypertensive. I like him big, but he talks about losing weight for health reasons. Part of me wants him to stay big, the other part is afraid for his health.

Plus, he likes to eat, I like to cook...so....

When we first married, we both ate a lot..went out to eat a lot, had a lot of fun...and we both gained a lot of weight.

I can't eat like that anymore because of a health problem of my own (not life threatening)...so I still cook the food for him, yet feel guilty.

Anyone else with this problem?
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Old 05-30-2006, 11:33 PM   #48
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That would be initial attraction, lets say as stated before they guy likes your boobs the shape/size/feel of them, now does it bother you that he's dating a set of boobs? I mean you can't ever have children or age, when that happens.. those boobs he fell in love with are gone!!! and he then has to leave as well.. in search of new boobs.. I'm sorry.. I can't even be serious about this.. it's just too funny..



I'll have to slightly disagree with you on this one.. what about a 50BMI or greater. Even if they're non diabetic.. NAFLD, Arthritis, blood pressure, are no longer just increased risk, rather they become almost fact.. There is a weight that a body can't handle, and it will catch up to you over time. I'm not saying that people like this shouldn't get just treatment in society, but it shouldn't be encouraged... unless they enjoy it..
You sound like my old endocrinology prof, but you've got a point. It's tough to find absolutes in health care, though. There's always some 80 year old guy somewhere who smoked 2 packs a day for 60 years, just like there are people who live to a ripe old age without any major health problems despite being decidedly on the heavier side.

PS. Are you in health care? (NAFLD is an awfully fancy anacronym)
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Old 05-31-2006, 03:57 PM   #49
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PolarKat carries a lot of weight on this boardPolarKat carries a lot of weight on this boardPolarKat carries a lot of weight on this boardPolarKat carries a lot of weight on this boardPolarKat carries a lot of weight on this boardPolarKat carries a lot of weight on this board
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Originally Posted by nathanb
You sound like my old endocrinology prof, but you've got a point. It's tough to find absolutes in health care, though. There's always some 80 year old guy somewhere who smoked 2 packs a day for 60 years, just like there are people who live to a ripe old age without any major health problems despite being decidedly on the heavier side.

PS. Are you in health care? (NAFLD is an awfully fancy anacronym)
I only heal sick robots! Have relatives in medicine, so I got/get the annual "Diabetes, Hypertenstion, athritis, etc.." in depth lecture at least 4 times in a row.. unfortunately NAFLD and hypertention have kicked in when I became too sedentary and put on alot of weight a few years back..
it is just statics, since I do know one thin friend who did get fatty liver when we were in our early 20's, but for him it was just a slow/slight weight drop and proper eating fixed him up quickly.
but there are things that become "unavoidable" with weight gain, fatty liver is one, just like we feed ducks for the same purpose.. of course it's only a 5% chance of it progressing to something worse.. but it's better not to play the 5%.
More importantly is exercise. The fatter you are the harder it is. I can't run.. well.. I can run about 1/2 km before I have to stop.. I'll get bruises that form under the ankles & kneecaps, and I'll be out for a week. I see women who get pregnant and put on 30lbs and their ankles swell 3x their size from just walking for 10min, how could they manage 100lbs. If they put on that weight, they'll automatically become less active due to the pain, and end up in a unhealthy cycle.
There's this one girl on the weight gain board going from 130 and wanting to get to 200lb, her frame can't handle that weight, she won't be able to exercise properly @ 200lbs her muscles and bone structure won't sustain it, worse yet, what happens down the road @ 40 when she's 250lbs on a body that supposed to handle 150lbs.
everything is statiscal odds but eventually you get to a point where the odd becomes 1
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Old 06-01-2006, 12:58 AM   #50
nathanb
 
Join Date: Apr 2006
Location: Vancouver
Posts: 29
nathanb has said some nice things
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Quote:
Originally Posted by PolarKat
I only heal sick robots! Have relatives in medicine, so I got/get the annual "Diabetes, Hypertenstion, athritis, etc.." in depth lecture at least 4 times in a row.. unfortunately NAFLD and hypertention have kicked in when I became too sedentary and put on alot of weight a few years back..
it is just statics, since I do know one thin friend who did get fatty liver when we were in our early 20's, but for him it was just a slow/slight weight drop and proper eating fixed him up quickly.
but there are things that become "unavoidable" with weight gain, fatty liver is one, just like we feed ducks for the same purpose.. of course it's only a 5% chance of it progressing to something worse.. but it's better not to play the 5%.
More importantly is exercise. The fatter you are the harder it is. I can't run.. well.. I can run about 1/2 km before I have to stop.. I'll get bruises that form under the ankles & kneecaps, and I'll be out for a week. I see women who get pregnant and put on 30lbs and their ankles swell 3x their size from just walking for 10min, how could they manage 100lbs. If they put on that weight, they'll automatically become less active due to the pain, and end up in a unhealthy cycle.
There's this one girl on the weight gain board going from 130 and wanting to get to 200lb, her frame can't handle that weight, she won't be able to exercise properly @ 200lbs her muscles and bone structure won't sustain it, worse yet, what happens down the road @ 40 when she's 250lbs on a body that supposed to handle 150lbs.
everything is statiscal odds but eventually you get to a point where the odd becomes 1
Have you tried more low impact exercise? Biking or swimming might be a little easier on those knees, and is probably just as good for you CV-wise. Most of the health benefits from weight loss come from the first 10 lbs lost, so even just a little bit will go a long way.

It's kind of tough comparing pregnancy weight gain to fat weight gain, they're sort of like apples and oranges. With pregnancy you have a big uterus sitting on the vena cava and an increased blood volume--leading to the leg swelling. You don't have that with fat weight gain. The skeletal structure and the rest of the body can re-model to accomodate a little extra fat, so I doubt a little moderate weight gain will lead to any serious long term consequences. However, it is very difficult to argue that gaining 100 lbs in a short time is a good thing to do to your body, even for a neophyte gainer like myself. ;-)
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