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Old 09-17-2010, 09:51 AM   #26
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I was at work one night and this ssbbw was walking around with friends and a bunch of my co-workers were just standing around oogling at her in a "wow she's big" kind of way, which I'm sure she took notice of. I went up to her outside and tried to strike up a conversation and she was totally not having it, was just like "THAT'S NICE" and stalked off. I definitely think she got the impression I was being dared to talk to her or see if I could procure her phone number lol, sucks for me I guess.

Anyways, hmmm, idk man...write her a note, or just go in there and be like, "i didn't want to give you the wrong impression", or maybe she's just bipolar and having a bad day? Who knows. If you really like her don't just give up, try until you know for certain there's no chance because it doesn't seem like she gave you a fair outing the first go around.
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Old 09-17-2010, 10:06 AM   #27
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To be perfectly honest if a man was part of a group that was obviously ogling me in a negative way and he approached me, I would not trust him at all.
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Old 09-17-2010, 10:28 AM   #28
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Originally Posted by CastingPearls View Post
To be perfectly honest if a man was part of a group that was obviously ogling me in a negative way and he approached me, I would not trust him at all.
I wasn't part of that group...i just happened to be in the near vicinity and happened to dress like them since, gasp, we work in the same place.
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Old 09-18-2010, 08:46 AM   #29
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To be perfectly honest if a man was part of a group that was obviously ogling me in a negative way and he approached me, I would not trust him at all.
^^ This. I wouldn't either. And she doesn't have time to stand there and ponder your group dynamics and if you're a part of them just because you're standing there. If you're hanging out with/around/near assholes, no way would you seem trustworthy.
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Old 09-18-2010, 08:59 AM   #30
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Originally Posted by nykspree8 View Post
I was at work one night and this ssbbw was walking around with friends and a bunch of my co-workers were just standing around oogling at her in a "wow she's big" kind of way, which I'm sure she took notice of. I went up to her outside and tried to strike up a conversation and she was totally not having it, was just like "THAT'S NICE" and stalked off. I definitely think she got the impression I was being dared to talk to her or see if I could procure her phone number lol, sucks for me I guess.
Yah, why wouldn't she? That's just general self-protection there, not defensiveness. Sucks for everybody.
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Old 09-18-2010, 02:34 PM   #31
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If you're hanging out with/around/near assholes, no way would you seem trustworthy.
There's always at least one good guy in a group of assholes!
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Old 09-18-2010, 02:43 PM   #32
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There's always at least one good guy in a group of assholes!
NO...take a lifelong BBW's word for it. There isn't ALWAYS.

And if he were a nice guy then I would question his choice in friends and probably dismiss him anyway. And yeah, that may be harsh but it is self-protection and there are too many fish in the sea to compromise my instincts on one individual.
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Old 09-18-2010, 03:21 PM   #33
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Damn, guess I won't bring any girls around my asshole friends until I've proposed and she's said yes that way she won't dump me because of who my friends are....really? Well, those were co-workers anyways, and I can't really do anything about them, they are just kind of there...can't fire them for being assholes and hire non-assholes, think that would probably end up getting me fired o.O
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Old 09-18-2010, 04:01 PM   #34
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To be perfectly honest if a man was part of a group that was obviously ogling me in a negative way and he approached me, I would not trust him at all.
Exactly.

Nykspree, as I wrote to the OP, when you approach a woman you don't know in a public place, if she isn't interested in you, walks away or cuts you off before you even have time to say hello, drop your line or make your move, it isn't necessarily about you. You don't know what her past history is like. Perhaps she's recuperating from a sexual assault and really not into having any guy she doesn't know approach her. Perhaps she doesn't like being approached by guys in the place where she was hanging out (for example, she's fine with having a guy approach her in the bookstore to ask what she's reading, but she really doesn't like guys hitting on her in bars or clubs). You also may have misinterpreted her body language and the location for your approach. For example, if she's standing alone, outside, in a dark area, she's most likely not going to want a guy she doesn't know to approach her. Especially if she's standing with her arms crossed, not looking your way. That probably means she wants to be left alone. If she's inside, talking and laughing with a group of friends, she may be more inclined to speak to you if you approach. ...But then again, maybe not. You don't know what's on her mind, so you can't make it about you if she rejects your advances. Respect her right to privacy, don't get pissed off like an asshole, and leave her alone.
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Old 09-18-2010, 06:43 PM   #35
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We had a big discussion a little while ago on grouping FA's together and judging them as "all good" or "all bad". According to a poll, it seemed that most people agreed that we should not group people together but judge them on their individual merits. That seems quite practical in theory.

How come it's okay to judge this guy based on the people he works with or how close he was standing to people who ogle fat people or judge him on things he didn't say or do? If we are to be judged based on assholes we work with, anyone who is employed will be guilty of something.

So much for theory...
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Old 09-18-2010, 08:11 PM   #36
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Sometimes when people are upset they're not interested in dealing with anything until they cool down, even if someone is being nice to them. Whether she associated you with the group of buttheads or not I can't say but you definitely got bit by displaced anger. It's like when a person is holding their parrot and another person comes near whom the parrot really wants to bite. The parrot can't reach the other person so what do they do? Take a chomp out of the person holding them.

I will say it's important to remember that what we think we know from observation may be wrong, too. I mean, sure, if I was in your place and seeing that ssbbw with her friends and that group of guys, I'd most likely assume the same motivations and interactions. Maybe most of the time these assumptions would be true for all involved; however, maybe her feet were hurting her and/or she was pissed at her group of friends if they were walking too fast for her and/or she hadn't noticed the group of assholes and/or she was PMSing or etc., so forth. Someone was going to get bit and unfortunately it was you.

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Damn, guess I won't bring any girls around my asshole friends until I've proposed and she's said yes that way she won't dump me because of who my friends are....really? Well, those were co-workers anyways, and I can't really do anything about them, they are just kind of there...can't fire them for being assholes and hire non-assholes, think that would probably end up getting me fired o.O
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Old 09-18-2010, 08:27 PM   #37
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I wasn't part of that group...i just happened to be in the near vicinity and happened to dress like them since, gasp, we work in the same place.
She'd just been humiliated in public, still burning from it, you were nearby and didn't defend her, and then you hit on her when nobody could see you do it. You're lucky the only thing she gave you was an abrupt brush off. Your timing really really sucks.
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Old 09-18-2010, 08:39 PM   #38
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She'd just been humiliated in public, still burning from it, you were nearby and didn't defend her, and then you hit on her when nobody could see you do it. You're lucky the only thing she gave you was an abrupt brush off. Your timing really really sucks.
Thank you.
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Old 09-19-2010, 05:01 AM   #39
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Respect her right to privacy, don't get pissed off like an asshole, and leave her alone.
Oh I wasn't mad, I kept it moving lol.

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She'd just been humiliated in public, still burning from it, you were nearby and didn't defend her, and then you hit on her when nobody could see you do it. You're lucky the only thing she gave you was an abrupt brush off. Your timing really really sucks.
Wait, should she have been mad at me or her group of friends for not coming to her defense? *scratches head* And on the humiliation note...maybe she was, maybe she wasn't? Maybe her reason for the immediate rejection was any of the other reasons previous posters have stated *shrug*, who really knows? I didn't even plan on saying anything at all, I just happened to be working in the area when she came out of an aisle with her friends and wrapped around into the next aisle over...and thought, "ooo she's cute". I was outside on a smoke break and they all walked outside, figured it was a sign, so i went up to her but it didn't exactly work out as planned. No biggie, life goes on.

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Old 10-07-2010, 02:39 PM   #40
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Awww, I was hoping for a fairy tale happy ending with this story.


As for nykspree8's story... I gotta agree pretty much word for word with Dromond, when it comes to bad timing.

I don't think you (nykspree8) meant any kind of insincerity, but I can see where it could be construed that way. You just didn't think about the situation thoroughly. But then again, you were busy looking at a gorgeous girl, so I'm sure your mind wasn't totally on the social and moral intricacy's of the situation.


Since you obviously heard the things that your co-workers were saying about her... going up to her immediately afterwards to hit on her, wasn't exactly well thought out.
I mean, I think you should have said something to your co-workers... even something as simple as, "Shut up, guys."
But even if you like... for some reason... forgot how to speak English while your co-workers were being tools, and you still wanted to go up and talk to her. You should have approached her and the first thing you said should have been an apology on your co-workers behalf.

But that's in a perfect world.
Things don't often turn out perfectly, lamely enough.
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Old 10-07-2010, 03:57 PM   #41
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Strangely I've had more success with smaller women than with BBWs (who are the ones who really do it for me not the little chicks, I mean I like all women but I REALLY like BBWs.
WOW!!!! I've said the same thing many times.... I used to think somehow it was just me. I really appreciate reading this!
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