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Old 07-22-2010, 11:03 AM   #26
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he said that I look too fragile, and that fat guys probably don’t think us having sex would be realistic, so they don’t bother .
One of my BFs totally reminds me of you..tats and all. So, when Escapist met her, he said basically the same thing. I told him that we used to swap clothes..ok she just kept taking mine..lol....and he just gave me this puzzled look. With my last lover, BHM 230-260, ...he actually became a feeder. Thats how I found Dims. I was trying to understand wtf was going on in his head. I'm like, I'm not going to magically become a amazon...unless steroids were in effect..lol. The thing is, gaining weight helped me handle sex on a regular basis with him....cushion for the pushin. Even with Escapist, it took over 6 months to build up enough muscle, strength, stamina to handle it on a regular basis. Even then, I take sabbaticals on a regular basis. I think thats why I always had guy friends and lovers in the past. I would just drop in every once and while and hit it up..lol.

I just realized I kept saying "handle it". hrmm...lol....naughty thought...nah...it would be TMI.
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Old 07-22-2010, 11:25 AM   #27
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Not that big, never been with an FFA, but just going to pass along an anecdote. When I was young there was a family across the street where both parents were quite fat (“SS” to use the acronyms of this board. I have no idea what they weighed, as a kid they were so much fatter than other people that I knew that I had no frame of reference for them). I sometimes played with their son, and was fascinated to notice that there did not seem to be any desire in the house for weight loss….they had a basement bar stocked with cookies and soda, the father would come home and fill up a large arm chair in front of the television and snack until supper, etc. (Since I was already fascinated with fat, I was soaking all of this in).

At one point the mom lost a significant amount of weight (she was still fat, but smaller, at a wild guess maybe lost 75 pounds?). The word quickly went around the street that she’d admitted she’d lost the weight so that she could handle taking over the lawn mowing and snow blowing, because at his size it was getting to be a real struggle for her husband. Of course at the time the opinion of the other adults seemed to be “Why didn’t he lose weight then? He certainly should!”

In full hindsight I’m pretty sure that she was at least an FFA, and good chance also a feeder (and likely enjoyed being fat herself). It just struck me as a sort of practical illustration of both the reality of being an FA of a large partner, and of how unlikely other people are to even consider that one might like their partner being fat.
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Old 07-22-2010, 03:59 PM   #28
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Not that big, never been with an FFA, but just going to pass along an anecdote. When I was young there was a family across the street where both parents were quite fat (“SS” to use the acronyms of this board. I have no idea what they weighed, as a kid they were so much fatter than other people that I knew that I had no frame of reference for them). I sometimes played with their son, and was fascinated to notice that there did not seem to be any desire in the house for weight loss….they had a basement bar stocked with cookies and soda, the father would come home and fill up a large arm chair in front of the television and snack until supper, etc. (Since I was already fascinated with fat, I was soaking all of this in).

At one point the mom lost a significant amount of weight (she was still fat, but smaller, at a wild guess maybe lost 75 pounds?). The word quickly went around the street that she’d admitted she’d lost the weight so that she could handle taking over the lawn mowing and snow blowing, because at his size it was getting to be a real struggle for her husband. Of course at the time the opinion of the other adults seemed to be “Why didn’t he lose weight then? He certainly should!”

In full hindsight I’m pretty sure that she was at least an FFA, and good chance also a feeder (and likely enjoyed being fat herself). It just struck me as a sort of practical illustration of both the reality of being an FA of a large partner, and of how unlikely other people are to even consider that one might like their partner being fat.
Interesting... You're probably right, she was a FFA.

I have always wondered if we as a society weren't subjected to what the "masses" think looks sexually appealing, who would be on top. (pardon the pun) The big husky fat guys or the slim muscular guy.

I would think in the days of cavemen a large husky guy was the guy to be with. It mean't he knew how to hunt food & that he was probably strong enough to fend off other cavemen from hurting his family or stealing his food haul.

It has been scientifically proven that men preferred larger women in days past. Large hips mean't the women would be better suited to rear children.

I would still love to hear from more of the FFA's on this board on this topic. But thanks to everyone is has/is contributing.
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Old 07-22-2010, 04:50 PM   #29
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FFA's, I need any and all info you can write about your experience of being a FFA. What age were you when you first realized your preference, did you hide it from your friend's/family, are you still hiding it, who was the first BHM that caught your eye, what is it about BHM that you like, etc.

I think I was in my early 20s-30s when I really started figuring out my turn-on for muscular men with big GUTS. I really loved that combo and something to do with the EGO and CONFIDENCE to show it off is huge. I had a bf about 13 yrs ago, that was very manly, muscular, furry, hysterically funny that I got to know for years on the internet. I used to confide my dating/man problems to him while he was married at the time.

Eventually he did separate from his wife (nothing to do w/me) and we met and went to an Allman Bros concert. We already had an incredibly strong basis of friendship, but i was INSANELY ATTRACTED TO HIM..in every way. I made no secrets about it, but he is an old skool biker and very traditional about sex. He didn't want to hurt me and break my heart, as he knew he would if he ever crossed that line w/me.

He walked around when we went to bikeweek in Daytona in just a leather vest, showing the WORLD his furry perfect big beer belly. He was so confident and never thought of himself as FAT. He like many men I have met, never understood my desire to caress, stroke, fondle and rub on his /their big bellys. Many decades i masturbated w/several pillows underneath me and fantasized it was a big bellied man.

I have been with a few men in the fetish aspect of this and it was insanely fun, and wildly erotic for me. Generally I make no bones about the fact i love a mans huge belly (i have only dated very big guys in the last decade). THey NEVER understand my passion/fetish, and I am never in a relationship long enough to get to it.

To go back a little, i did date / live with a man over 10 yrs ago, and when I realized I really wasn't attracted to him at all, after a year ( he was 170-175 and 5'10)...he used to make fun of me all the time at biker gigs, SAYING ....* OH THERES A BIG SWEATY FAT GUY FOR YOU..YOU WANNA SLOBBER ALL OVER HIM DON"T YOU*..embarassing me and making me feel *LESS THAN* for that preference.....and ultimately this was one of 1000s of reasons we aren't together today, we should have never been more then friends.

i ran on way tooo long here also....as for family / friends....TODAY they all know my preference and really really really don't get it......friends are cool, and family is like WTF

but i know what i like
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Old 07-22-2010, 04:58 PM   #30
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[F]
I think I was in my early 20s-30s when I really started figuring out my turn-on for muscular men with big GUTS. I really loved that combo and something to do with the EGO and CONFIDENCE to show it off is huge. I had a bf about 13 yrs ago, that was very manly, muscular, furry, hysterically funny that I got to know for years on the internet. I used to confide my dating/man problems to him while he was married at the time.

Eventually he did separate from his wife (nothing to do w/me) and we met and went to an Allman Bros concert. We already had an incredibly strong basis of friendship, but i was INSANELY ATTRACTED TO HIM..in every way. I made no secrets about it, but he is an old skool biker and very traditional about sex. He didn't want to hurt me and break my heart, as he knew he would if he ever crossed that line w/me.

He walked around when we went to bikeweek in Daytona in just a leather vest, showing the WORLD his furry perfect big beer belly. He was so confident and never thought of himself as FAT. He like many men I have met, never understood my desire to caress, stroke, fondle and rub on his /their big bellys. Many decades i masturbated w/several pillows underneath me and fantasized it was a big bellied man.

I have been with a few men in the fetish aspect of this and it was insanely fun, and wildly erotic for me. Generally I make no bones about the fact i love a mans huge belly (i have only dated very big guys in the last decade). THey NEVER understand my passion/fetish, and I am never in a relationship long enough to get to it.

To go back a little, i did date / live with a man over 10 yrs ago, and when I realized I really wasn't attracted to him at all, after a year ( he was 170-175 and 5'10)...he used to make fun of me all the time at biker gigs, SAYING ....* OH THERES A BIG SWEATY FAT GUY FOR YOU..YOU WANNA SLOBBER ALL OVER HIM DON"T YOU*..embarassing me and making me feel *LESS THAN* for that preference.....and ultimately this was one of 1000s of reasons we aren't together today, we should have never been more then friends.

i ran on way tooo long here also....as for family / friends....TODAY they all know my preference and really really really don't get it......friends are cool, and family is like WTF

but i know what i like
[/FONT]
HDANGEL15, thanks your your input.

When you hooked up with the BHM for the "fetish aspect" did they know going in that you were looking for that and if so, why did they not stay around for more?

You also say your family says "WTF" to your preference of BHM. What are some of the things they have said over the years?

Thanks again!
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Old 07-22-2010, 05:05 PM   #31
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HDANGEL15, thanks your your input.

When you hooked up with the BHM for the "fetish aspect" did they know going in that you were looking for that and if so, why did they not stay around for more?

You also say your family says "WTF" to your preference of BHM. What are some of the things they have said over the years?

Thanks again!
the BHM TOTALLY knew what it was about....i have no idea...why they didn't stick around...they were never nearby..and I think *IN GENERAL* they wanted to have a *COUGAR* experience...but not much more then that....

My brother is like 5'10 and 165...he is the total opposite of my body type, he outwardly DISLIKES FAT PEOPLE and makes no bones about it. I have called him on this a zillion times, as a small bbw at different points in my life, and my older sister is defenitely in that category. I always say she looks happy and beautiful and they just wanna know how she *LET THAT HAPPEN* it really frustrates the hell out of me....they are my family or origin...i love them, but sometimes don't like these things...my father and his GF also talk about my sisters weight and just are wowed by her size...

i got off topic: as to my dad- he loathes every man i have ever brought around, and realized its easier to shut his mouth - if you dont have something nice to say (DONT SAY IT-his philosphy on this).....and he also knows I get bored quick , and they never last too long (THANK GOD FOR HIM) loolol

my siblings are always happy to see me with someone; especially if he makes ME HAPPY. My bro reserves his fat comments, as he really gets that I LIKE THEM LIKE THAT..he doesn't have to get it. My sister just wants me happy
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Old 07-22-2010, 05:32 PM   #32
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the BHM TOTALLY knew what it was about....i have no idea...why they didn't stick around...they were never nearby..and I think *IN GENERAL* they wanted to have a *COUGAR* experience...but not much more then that....

My brother is like 5'10 and 165...he is the total opposite of my body type, he outwardly DISLIKES FAT PEOPLE and makes no bones about it. I have called him on this a zillion times, as a small bbw at different points in my life, and my older sister is defenitely in that category. I always say she looks happy and beautiful and they just wanna know how she *LET THAT HAPPEN* it really frustrates the hell out of me....they are my family or origin...i love them, but sometimes don't like these things...my father and his GF also talk about my sisters weight and just are wowed by her size...

i got off topic: as to my dad- he loathes every man i have ever brought around, and realized its easier to shut his mouth - if you dont have something nice to say (DONT SAY IT-his philosphy on this).....and he also knows I get bored quick , and they never last too long (THANK GOD FOR HIM) loolol

my siblings are always happy to see me with someone; especially if he makes ME HAPPY. My bro reserves his fat comments, as he really gets that I LIKE THEM LIKE THAT..he doesn't have to get it. My sister just wants me happy
Great info on the family!! How big is your sister if I may ask?? Does she like BHM or go for more skinny guys?
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Old 07-22-2010, 05:54 PM   #33
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What I am hearing from a lot of FFA's is that a lot of BHM get turned off by somebody who likes their fat. You would think it would be opposite, but since the majority of BHM & BBW don't visit boards like this, I can see why they wouldn't know that there are people who love them and their bodies just the way they are.
I wouldn't phrase it quite like that. I think Melian (well, her husband) is probably closer to the truth - I think anyone who considers him (or herself) to be ugly (be it from fat or something else) is going to be paranoid when someone they perceive as being out of their league shows interest, and likely will never bother even trying to hit on such a person out of feeling that it's an obvious rejection at best, an opportunity to be humiliated at worse.

I may be a bit biased here. I consider myself to be pretty average in how I interact with people, particularly women - I love joking and having fun, but I'm not real comfortable being a flirt, so I don't really get touchy-feely or try to make passes with a woman (unless she has basically flat-out directly told me she's interested).

I say this because I have had a number of women tell me that I am physically "intimidating" until they got to know me. This was especially true when I was in grad school for my Master's, but I've heard that since high school. Not that every woman I've met has said that, but at least a dozen just during my high school and college years.

I try to understand that, but really, I don't. But regardless it got to me over time. Being both tall and fat, I am very conscious of my size, something I get further reminded of daily when cars, restaurant seating, and a host of other things just don't fit right.

Having said that, there's still a part of me that enjoys being big, and would love nothing more than finding a tiny tiny FFA to enjoy that contrast with. Normally, my ideal woman type is short, curvy, and sassy, but sometimes I do think about what it'd be like to have a girlfriend who's short and thin. (but still sassy ).

Anyways, rambling now. Back to my point, it's a cliche that often comes off as a cop-out or excuse, but it's nevertheless very true - not to offput any ladies here, but if I were to just randomly meet someone like Jen, Rabbit, Eggplant, or the others, I consider them beautiful enough (by mainstream standards - and I mean that, I can't think of a single FFA w/ pictures on here who isn't a very beautiful woman) that I would not even consider hitting on them or thinking they'd be interested in me, WITHOUT OR UNLESS they clearly (i.e. without any risk of interpretation) made it, er, clear, that they found me attractive.

I hate using the past as an excuse, but I've made a stupid fool of myself - or in a few cases had others help do it for me - that I'm just not willing to do that again. It may screw me out of a relationship, if it hasn't already, but at some point you decide to just shut down certain risk elements instead of remaining willing to keep repeating/reliving them.
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Old 07-22-2010, 06:01 PM   #34
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Oops, in my rambling I forgot my main point - I've never dated an FFA, I think the girlfriends I've had just kinda put up or tolerated it, but I would love to find someone who actually wanted to fetishize my weight.

This will probably sound pathetic, but I remember ending up in a strip club with a private lap dance and this woman just would not stop playing with my belly and tonguing my nipples. I can't say that I've never had a girlfriend try that, but at the same time, and even with my cynicism regarding strippers, it certainly felt like she might be someone who actually enjoyed my belly rather than just playing it for the whole sexual fantasy thing that stripping is.

And even with my cynicism, I still couldn't help but enjoy that.

I'm sure there are men who hate their bodies enough to not want their 'fat' areas touched - on dating sites I've seen a lot of BBW profiles that explicitly state "no chubby chasers", sometimes with an explanation that they want to lose the weight or that they don't want the obvious freak someone would have to be to enjoy their current bodies.
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Old 07-22-2010, 06:41 PM   #35
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WOW!! Thank you so much for your input. Can I ask you are you thin or a BBW. Your story is very insightful. You write that most of the big guys you have been with can't handle the fetish side of the FFA attraction. Sounds like you are saying they just can't get a handle on the fact that somebody would find their body sexually appealing.

Can I ask if you have ever met up with any of the big guys on this board? It seems like the BHM on the FFA/BHM board would be into that sort of attention. I can see how a large guy who has no idea that there are women out there who love "hanging bellies" would possibly be scared of the situation.

Thank you again for your post. This is the kind of info I really need to develope the characters/relationships in this script.

A little background on me. I was 400 pounds at age 15. I lost 170 pounds between the age of 15 to 21. I now sit at around 270 lbs. I would have never thought as a young adult that somebody would ever have been interested in me when I was that heavy unless they were heavy as well.

I have noticed more and more that I see skinny women with larger guys.
Part of me thinks it is the sign of the times that we as American's are a fat nation thus making it more likely that some people don't mind a large guy. I also think that women are realizing that the skinny/buff guy who is the jock type can tend to treat their women like shit. I do think us big guys are softer on the inside as well as outside.

What I would really like to tackle in this movie is the fetish/attraction of a thin women to a fat guy and the dilemma of admitting this to friends and family.

I think for some people it would be easier in some cases to come out of the closet as being gay then admit they find a 400+ pound man/women hot. We as a society are so fucked in the head. Obesity is one of the last accepted forms of prejudice.

Anyways, getting off of my soapbox. Hope I didn't offend anybody with my beliefs.
To answer your questions...

yes, I'm a thin FFA.

I'm not going to sit here and say being "conventionally attractive" is hard, but I think it's what has made it harder to shatter the illusion that many fat guys have that pretty girls only like pretty boys, or some such nonsense.

As far as BHM not "handling" my preference, I felt like it was about them not liking their fat and/or being in denial about fat as a part of their selves and not something "other." So, when an FFA expressed her FA nature to them, it put a big ole mirror up to his body; and many fat guys don't like looking in that mirror. Given the fat hate we're bombarded with, its not surprising, of course. But I was the bitch holding that mirror up.

I've never met any BHM from here, although there are many who've made my heart pound right through this series of tubes. And not just because they're big and hot, but because they're funny, sexy, sarcastic, confident, etc too. It just never worked out with right place and right time with anyone here.

I'll add that in high school a number like 400 would have scared me silly. Now I think 400 is so incredibly hot. Then again, in high school penises scared me and now I can't get enough dick (giggles).
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Old 07-22-2010, 06:42 PM   #36
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See? Thoughtful AND insightful. This is what I'm talking about people.
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Old 07-22-2010, 08:08 PM   #37
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See? Thoughtful AND insightful. This is what I'm talking about people.
What can I say? I just happen to be the type of guy who'll put a girl up on a pedestal, pull her back down by her hair and then handcuff her to the bed
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Old 07-22-2010, 08:14 PM   #38
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BHM, have you ever had an experience with a FFA, how did it make you feel the first time you found out somebody liked you for your size, do you believe FFA's are really just a myth (no offense to the FFA's on this board), how do you feel about your size in general when it comes to meeting/dating women?
Ohhh right, the thread topic!!

I've never actually been in a relationship with an FFA although I have known for some time that they exist. I've had a one night stand with an FFA but that's about it intimacy-wise.

I did have one girl I dated who was going out with me despite my size though, she would stare in disturbed amazement when I walked around naked. She told me once that if I ever lost weight I would probably ruin her for other men. The one good thing about that relationship was that once she had about a half bottle of vodka in her she turned in to a porn star
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Old 07-22-2010, 09:18 PM   #39
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once she had about a half bottle of vodka in her she turned in to a porn star
That's probably also true of most porn stars.
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Old 07-22-2010, 10:22 PM   #40
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This is awesome. I am getting some great info with all of your postings. Thank you all so much for being open and honest.
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Old 07-23-2010, 04:14 AM   #41
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Great info on the family!! How big is your sister if I may ask?? Does she like BHM or go for more skinny guys?
she isn't very big by *DIMS* standards...5'2 and probably 225 or so
her husband of 20 yrs is very small and 1/2 her size
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Old 07-23-2010, 06:26 AM   #42
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T
As far as BHM not "handling" my preference, I felt like it was about them not liking their fat and/or being in denial about fat as a part of their selves and not something "other." So, when an FFA expressed her FA nature to them, it put a big ole mirror up to his body; and many fat guys don't like looking in that mirror. Given the fat hate we're bombarded with, its not surprising, of course. But I was the bitch holding that mirror up.
I would agree with that part....this is a general FA/big-person experience, not just FFA/BHM. A lot of people of quite some size seem to manage this mental split where they know they are big, but at the same time their self-identity doesn't include that, in fact often is in opposition to that. So to have someone specifically enjoy that part of you, that you you don't really acknowledge as part of you, puts you in a pretty tough spot: You can reject them doing that altogether, you can accept that you are actually one of those horrible fat people, or you can continue in a pretty mind-screwing state of having your partner perving over something about you that you try to ignore.
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Old 07-23-2010, 07:24 AM   #43
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"I used to think that anyone doing anything weird was weird. I suddenly realized that anyone doing anything weird wasn't weird at all and it was the people saying they were weird that were weird"- Paul McCartney
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Old 07-23-2010, 07:52 AM   #44
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FFA's, I need any and all info you can write about your experience of being a FFA. What age were you when you first realized your preference, did you hide it from your friend's/family, are you still hiding it, who was the first BHM that caught your eye, what is it about BHM that you like, etc.
Like others I have always been an FFA, so I honestly can't tell you a specific age or time of my life that I realized it. I had my first orgasm at age 7 thinking about feeding, but it definitely was going on before that.

I've posted and reposted this, but when your celebrity crush is Chris Farley, there is no hiding anything. hah.

I can't say specifically what I like about BHM, since it's more intangible it's not a matter of "Well I'm attracted to fat guys because they have this particular characteristic." One thing I hate is any fat guy who was bullied or abused for his weight and turned out insecure or needy; it is just not something I can handle. It is awful to admit this but I much prefer men who gained weight as adults because they don't have the emotional baggage of having been fat kids.

I do not see this as a weird thing. There are those who are only attracted to a certain race, age, gender, or type of look (jock, musician, preppy,) so what is different about being attracted to fat guys?
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Old 07-23-2010, 07:55 AM   #45
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Like others I have always been an FFA, so I honestly can't tell you a specific age or time of my life that I realized it. I had my first orgasm at age 7 thinking about feeding, but it definitely was going on before that.

I've posted and reposted this, but when your celebrity crush is Chris Farley, there is no hiding anything. hah.

I can't say specifically what I like about BHM, since it's more intangible it's not a matter of "Well I'm attracted to fat guys because they have this particular characteristic." One thing I hate is any fat guy who was bullied or abused for his weight and turned out insecure or needy; it is just not something I can handle. It is awful to admit this but I much prefer men who gained weight as adults because they don't have the emotional baggage of having been fat kids.

I do not see this as a weird thing. There are those who are only attracted to a certain race, age, gender, or type of look (jock, musician, preppy,) so what is different about being attracted to fat guys?
What does your family think about you liking BHM?
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Old 07-23-2010, 08:06 AM   #46
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Both my parents hate fat people and are skinny themselves, but like Melian said, "nobody cares who I'm fucking and why should they?"

There is a lot said on these boards about reactions by friend and family. I totally understand caring about your peer group, caring about acceptance, wanting approval from others, and even having a lot of respect for your paretns and wanting their respect and approval in your choice of mate. That all having been said I think most people spend, or should spend, less rather than more time worrying over who your're sleeping with.

I think Melian's quote should be the new generic Dims signature.

Quote:
no one cares who I’m fucking, and why should they?
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Old 07-23-2010, 08:23 AM   #47
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Both my parents hate fat people and are skinny themselves, but like Melian said, "nobody cares who I'm fucking and why should they?"

There is a lot said on these boards about reactions by friend and family. I totally understand caring about your peer group, caring about acceptance, wanting approval from others, and even having a lot of respect for your paretns and wanting their respect and approval in your choice of mate. That all having been said I think most people spend, or should spend, less rather than more time worrying over who your're sleeping with.

I think Melian's quote should be the new generic Dims signature.
I agree 100%. People should be allowed to love what they love. It isn't hurting anybody. I think people are more tolerant of somebody dating a guy who is 6" 280 than a guy who is 6" 400. Both are big guys, but once you get past a certain point, people think it is ok to be mean and hateful. I know from my own experience that when I went from 400 down to 280 I went from being the "fat guy" to the "big guy". The "big guy" is ok with society. The "fat guy", not so much. 280 lbs is by no means skinny and by Dr.'s charts depending on height is considered obese, but it is interesting to see the difference in the eyes of society.
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Old 07-23-2010, 06:28 PM   #48
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What can I say? I just happen to be the type of guy who'll put a girl up on a pedestal, pull her back down by her hair and then handcuff her to the bed
you know I'd cut a bitch to be your sex slave, but nobody said anything about messing up the hair

checks lipstick in compact mirror
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Old 07-23-2010, 06:57 PM   #49
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you know I'd cut a bitch to be your sex slave, but nobody said anything about messing up the hair

checks lipstick in compact mirror
Don't worry, I'll comb it back in to place when we're done.
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Old 07-23-2010, 08:06 PM   #50
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Don't worry, I'll comb it back in to place when we're done.
you know, your all you all the time thread is utterly buried on the 2nd page... a little less hair styling and a little more eye candy, now chop! chop!
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