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View Poll Results: How Often do you date or have relationships with FAs?
I have only dated and had relationships with FAs 7 11.48%
I have mainly dated and had relationships with FAs 15 24.59%
I have mainly dated and had relationships with non-FAs 30 49.18%
I only date and have relationships with non- FAs 9 14.75%
Voters: 61. You may not vote on this poll

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Old 07-24-2010, 07:22 PM   #26
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i haven't dated anybody who would call themselves an FA. i have naturally dated guys who like big women, lots who like all sizes and a few who'd never thought of it before. i have a lot of FA friends. i love them. but all the ones i've met have been from online and they seem a little lost sometimes like they're still trying to find their confidence as men and are doing the research and getting the support to do that. the ones who aren't like that online are usually married or taken. the guys i've dated recently keep asking me why i think its necessary to ever identify as a BBW or an SSBW. i have to keep explaining how its political for me. they seem ok with it after i explain but i've had more than one guy say to me that they just think it makes a woman look like she lacks confidence. i'm still thinking about that one. i can understand because i have the same opinion about the term FA. but its hard to figure out exactly how to show your political affiliation when you are fat.
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Old 07-24-2010, 08:43 PM   #27
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I had to chose "I only date and have relationships with non- FAs" as my answer, but what I really mean ISSssss..."I have only dated and had relationships with non-FAs". Not that I wouldn't in the future.
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Old 07-25-2010, 09:02 AM   #28
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I had to chose "I only date and have relationships with non- FAs" as my answer, but what I really mean ISSssss..."I have only dated and had relationships with non-FAs". Not that I wouldn't in the future.
i know what you mean. because i haven't doesn't mean i wouldn't. i'd just hold him to the same standard i'd hold any man i date to--no special perks, no feeling sorry for him etc... he would just have to be my kind of guy.
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Old 07-25-2010, 09:08 AM   #29
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Originally Posted by Tracyarts View Post
I always avoided men who had a very specific and narrow body size preference. I don't have a "deal maker or breaker" physical preference as far as men go, so I don't really understand it much and wouldn't be able to relate. And also I didn't want to risk an emotional attachment with somebody whose attraction to me depended on my maintaining a specific body weight range, whether it be on the low or high end of the scale. Mostly I've stuck with guys who either were true lovers of the infinite variety of the female form, or whose preferences fell along a very broad spectrum. I've ranged from plump to supersized and all points inbetween, and to be completely honest, it's comforting to know that no matter wherever I happen to be on the scale at any given time, the men in my life find me attractive.

Tracy
yes i really don't understand the physical deal breaker thing myself. so thats probably not the kind of person i'm going to be able to relate to on an emotional level anyway. thats not where i am in life. its not so important for all men just for some so i tend to seek out the ones that its not such an intense focus for. i guess its like there are some women who have physical deal breakers. i don't have much in common with them either when it comes to that. its cool with me because i don't have to have a relationship with them but i'll never understand or relate to it. there is nothing more satisfying and relaxing for me than to be with someone who would love me and my body no matter what size i chose to be.
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Old 07-26-2010, 01:26 AM   #30
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I wish my love life was centered by a FA. It always seems like something is missing in relationships with non-fa's.
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Old 08-07-2010, 01:38 AM   #31
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" My one question...how are we defining "FA"? "

This is why I think of it in terms of a preference range. The word "fat" can mean anything from plump to ultra supersized. That is a range of hundreds of pounds depending on the height and build of the woman in question. When somebody says they are into fat women, do they have a cutoff on either end of the spectrum where the woman is no longer attractive to them? Are some fat women too fat and some fat women not fat enough?

Which matters to me because over the course of my adult life, I have gone from plump to well into the realm of supersized, and back down towards midsized. My body looked completely different at all three stages, although all three could be described as "fat". But maybe not the right degree of fat...

Having had friends whose relationships suffered because they were either getting too fat or too thin for their partners' tastes made me want to find somebody for myself whose range of bodies they found attractive was as broad as possible. Most of the men I met when I was single who identified as "FAs" were involved in the fat acceptance scene and were of the "bigger is better" mind set and that just didn't seem like a good investement to me emotionally because what happened if I wasn't always "bigger"?

Men with either no preference at all (women in their infinite variety are all beautiful in their own way) or with a very broad preference (women ranging from curvy/plump to supersized are attractive) seemed like the safest bet for me and that's who I picked as potential relationship material. I have casually dated men who had a narrow preference range, and have had many platonic male friends who have a narrow preference range. But I just didn't feel comfortable getting involved with them romantically because the pressure of maintaining a weight within the specific range that they found attractive seemed like going into a relationship with the deck stacked against me.

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Old 08-07-2010, 06:17 AM   #32
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Originally Posted by Tracyarts View Post
" My one question...how are we defining "FA"? "

This is why I think of it in terms of a preference range. The word "fat" can mean anything from plump to ultra supersized. That is a range of hundreds of pounds depending on the height and build of the woman in question. When somebody says they are into fat women, do they have a cutoff on either end of the spectrum where the woman is no longer attractive to them? Are some fat women too fat and some fat women not fat enough?

Which matters to me because over the course of my adult life, I have gone from plump to well into the realm of supersized, and back down towards midsized. My body looked completely different at all three stages, although all three could be described as "fat". But maybe not the right degree of fat...

Having had friends whose relationships suffered because they were either getting too fat or too thin for their partners' tastes made me want to find somebody for myself whose range of bodies they found attractive was as broad as possible. Most of the men I met when I was single who identified as "FAs" were involved in the fat acceptance scene and were of the "bigger is better" mind set and that just didn't seem like a good investement to me emotionally because what happened if I wasn't always "bigger"?

Men with either no preference at all (women in their infinite variety are all beautiful in their own way) or with a very broad preference (women ranging from curvy/plump to supersized are attractive) seemed like the safest bet for me and that's who I picked as potential relationship material. I have casually dated men who had a narrow preference range, and have had many platonic male friends who have a narrow preference range. But I just didn't feel comfortable getting involved with them romantically because the pressure of maintaining a weight within the specific range that they found attractive seemed like going into a relationship with the deck stacked against me.

Tracy
Tracy I define your hubby as an FA though I know you don't. He's with you, therefore he's an FA as far as I'm concerned. I know that many people here share my view on this and I think that is where the discrepency exists in our definitions. Fat is such a strong deterrent in our society. That is pretty much why people draw the distinction there. FA doesn't involve the pomp and ceremony that most people are attributing to it. Same goes for BBW. I think people tend to limit their definition of what a fat woman is based on their own feelings. I think that's wrong, speaking only for myself and my own view.
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Old 08-07-2010, 09:32 AM   #33
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Tracy I define your hubby as an FA though I know you don't. He's with you, therefore he's an FA as far as I'm concerned. I know that many people here share my view on this and I think that is where the discrepency exists in our definitions. Fat is such a strong deterrent in our society. That is pretty much why people draw the distinction there. FA doesn't involve the pomp and ceremony that most people are attributing to it. Same goes for BBW. I think people tend to limit their definition of what a fat woman is based on their own feelings. I think that's wrong, speaking only for myself and my own view.
Well-said, Lilly. That's why I was confused a bit by the question - because I figure that any guy who is attracted to me and dating me is an FA, just by the fact of our relationship. So, my dating life can't be anything but FA-centered. Maybe the guy also dates thin/average sized girls, but if he's not an FA while he's dating me, I don't think I'd dig it.
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Old 08-07-2010, 09:56 AM   #34
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Originally Posted by Tracyarts View Post
" My one question...how are we defining "FA"? "

This is why I think of it in terms of a preference range. The word "fat" can mean anything from plump to ultra supersized. That is a range of hundreds of pounds depending on the height and build of the woman in question. When somebody says they are into fat women, do they have a cutoff on either end of the spectrum where the woman is no longer attractive to them? Are some fat women too fat and some fat women not fat enough?

Which matters to me because over the course of my adult life, I have gone from plump to well into the realm of supersized, and back down towards midsized. My body looked completely different at all three stages, although all three could be described as "fat". But maybe not the right degree of fat...

Having had friends whose relationships suffered because they were either getting too fat or too thin for their partners' tastes made me want to find somebody for myself whose range of bodies they found attractive was as broad as possible. Most of the men I met when I was single who identified as "FAs" were involved in the fat acceptance scene and were of the "bigger is better" mind set and that just didn't seem like a good investement to me emotionally because what happened if I wasn't always "bigger"?
This is why I've tended to avoid guys who are openly FA. If my partner is more invested in my body looking a certain way, whether it's fatter or thinner (more 'socially acceptable'), I don't see them as all that invested in me, who I am as a person. As Lilly said, if the guy is interested in me - all of me, brain, body, and personality - I consider him an FA because I'm fat. I also consider him a sarcasm-appreciator, because I'm sarcastic; an intelligence and independence-appreciator, because I'm those things, too. But I'm not going to date a guy whose interested in my body only, whether he identifies as FA or not, because that's not all I have to offer.

My partner can also define himself how he chooses. If he doesn't think the term 'FA' applies to him, that's fine. If he does, that's fine, too. The choice is his. I expect the same consideration from him with my choice to describe my body as fat. He may not see me as "fat" (with all the negative stereotypes a person who is not into size acceptance will usually attribute to the word), but he'll have to be comfortable with my choice to describe my body that way, just as I am with his choice to identify as FA or not.
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Old 08-07-2010, 11:23 AM   #35
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Well-said, Lilly. That's why I was confused a bit by the question - because I figure that any guy who is attracted to me and dating me is an FA, just by the fact of our relationship. So, my dating life can't be anything but FA-centered. Maybe the guy also dates thin/average sized girls, but if he's not an FA while he's dating me, I don't think I'd dig it.
i totally get that. i think they are basically FAs too. its just that some guys don't want to identify with the online freak fest its often made into. they don't feel they're engaging in a fetish when they date a fat woman. there is nothing wrong with a fetish for something but its kind of diminishing when all of a person' relationships are diminished to just a fetish by outsiders. if someone is in a serious relationship with you and loving you they'd find it insulting if people thought they were only with you out of fetish. its like if someone's fiancee had big boobs. he might love the big boobs but if everyone was acting as though he was only marrying her for her big boobs it would be disrespectful of all that relationship really is.
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Old 08-07-2010, 11:35 AM   #36
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The man I'm with now falls under the definition of FA....as in he prefers bigger ladies. I have no issues with him.....because he seems to like me how I am.....and liked me 20 lbs smaller. I gained 20 lbs while with him and he didn't care/mind or even mention it.

Yes, perhaps a 100 lb gain or loss might be a different ball game but I feel okay enough with him not to worry about it.

This is all uber-important to me with my own personal food/body image issues.



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I have little/nothing to do with FAs, I pretty much never meet them in the normal course of life. Briefly in my teens I was with a few self described FAs I met online, otherwise it's all been guys I know have also dated slender women. I find myself far more comfortable with the 'bi-sizuals', so this has worked out.

I am honestly put off on many levels by the food+sex aspect some FAs have, and the ones I dated offered food a lot and got upset when I didn't eat 'enough'. One even went on to lecture me about how it was okay to eat what I wanted-seemingly missing the point there. It deeply irritates me when people focus on my eating habits, my family loved to discuss them at length growing up due to the oddity of me being born vegetarian, not even cos I was fat. So while it's slightly different with these feeder types it makes me just as annoyed as my aunt scrutinizing my holiday meals=instant deal breaker.

My 'bi' boys never gave a crap about what I ate or didn't so that made me comfortable eating with them, and thus more comfortable overall. I wouldn't discount an FA out of hand since that isn't fair and not all are feeders -though seemingly all the ones I dated had clear tendencies. I feel anyone with those tendencies is simply going to be disappointed with me, so I don't seek FAs to date anymore.
I have control issues over food (not saying that YOU do though)....so I feel you. I couldn't stand it either. I want to decide what goes in my mouth/body....and what doesn't. It's important on all levels.
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Old 08-07-2010, 10:13 PM   #37
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i totally get that. i think they are basically FAs too. its just that some guys don't want to identify with the online freak fest its often made into. they don't feel they're engaging in a fetish when they date a fat woman. there is nothing wrong with a fetish for something but its kind of diminishing when all of a person' relationships are diminished to just a fetish by outsiders. if someone is in a serious relationship with you and loving you they'd find it insulting if people thought they were only with you out of fetish. its like if someone's fiancee had big boobs. he might love the big boobs but if everyone was acting as though he was only marrying her for her big boobs it would be disrespectful of all that relationship really is.
This conversation reminds me of some research I read about the "pass" that some women get who fall within the standards of accepted beauty in the culture. Physical beauty makes a lot of tasks, such as getting a job and being beautiful as indicative of other attributes by association easier for those women To a FA, fat on a woman is a kind of beauty, and I see no difference in a preference for fat on woman's body and a preference for blonde hair. To admire a woman for fat, to think of fat as lovely, wonderful to the touch, does not diminish other qualities that the woman posseses.

The man that I am involved with loves my body. I am glad that he does. It is nice to have one's body appreciated by a partner. He also likes other things about me as well. Sometimes I don't give a shit what he admires me for - I am happy that he values me, and I do not feel the need to overanalyze it or to chastise him for loving things about me that may be different from what I value about me.
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Old 08-08-2010, 07:36 AM   #38
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i totally get that. i think they are basically FAs too. its just that some guys don't want to identify with the online freak fest its often made into. they don't feel they're engaging in a fetish when they date a fat woman. there is nothing wrong with a fetish for something but its kind of diminishing when all of a person' relationships are diminished to just a fetish by outsiders. if someone is in a serious relationship with you and loving you they'd find it insulting if people thought they were only with you out of fetish. its like if someone's fiancee had big boobs. he might love the big boobs but if everyone was acting as though he was only marrying her for her big boobs it would be disrespectful of all that relationship really is.
I understand that and agree to an extent. But you know, regardless of how an FA defines himself with or without the term, the societal issue is the same. A man dating or married to a fat woman, even if he's never even HEARD of the word FA, is going to face the same criticism and scrutiny as our beloved Dan or any of the other pesky people on here we like to throw rotten tomatoes at. People still will say crappy stuff like, "You don't have to settle," and all that other stuff. He may handle it better or worse than another but the issues are the same. Trying to convince your lover that you lover her the way she is and think she's beautiful when she thinks her hips look like logs - it's a tough gig. While many people associate fat admiration with perverts and villians the need for the discussion in terms of size acceptance and size related issues still exists. A person like this may come here seeking likemindedness and hear people saying how terrible FAs are and how nobody wants one, etc. Its discouraging. I think there's a place for frank discussion about men behaving badly. NO woman likes this but I think what most of the opposing voices here have been trying to say is there needs to be a broader perspective. Not sure if I'm making sense, I think I still have wedding alcohol in my system this morning. Oy!
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Old 08-08-2010, 10:08 AM   #39
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I understand that and agree to an extent. But you know, regardless of how an FA defines himself with or without the term, the societal issue is the same. A man dating or married to a fat woman, even if he's never even HEARD of the word FA, is going to face the same criticism and scrutiny as our beloved Dan or any of the other pesky people on here we like to throw rotten tomatoes at. People still will say crappy stuff like, "You don't have to settle," and all that other stuff. He may handle it better or worse than another but the issues are the same. Trying to convince your lover that you lover her the way she is and think she's beautiful when she thinks her hips look like logs - it's a tough gig. While many people associate fat admiration with perverts and villians the need for the discussion in terms of size acceptance and size related issues still exists. A person like this may come here seeking likemindedness and hear people saying how terrible FAs are and how nobody wants one, etc. Its discouraging. I think there's a place for frank discussion about men behaving badly. NO woman likes this but I think what most of the opposing voices here have been trying to say is there needs to be a broader perspective. Not sure if I'm making sense, I think I still have wedding alcohol in my system this morning. Oy!
i understand what you're saying. i empathize. but to those guys i say grow some. BBWs have to grow some. to live in this life freely anybody has to grow some. a guy outside of this might face the same things but IMO the sensitivity or attention to it usually seems to be less because its not an all consuming thing to him. he doesn't have to have how different and how sorry other people must be for him reinforced everyday. i think that does damage to an FAs self esteem as well. for a lot of guys its just something that might happen sometimes and they get over it, but they don't stop living or hide. they don't obsess over it. IMO the shame the sorrow and the pity can become a bit obsessive sometimes. i just wonder if we don't make it harder by always having people think they are more different than they are and isolating them even more form real life. sometimes i think the way we coddle FAs is emasculating. sure they deserve support but real support to actually get out there and live. sometimes they just need a good push. i'm not so sure they need more people telling them how hard things are and making them feel like they can't do it.
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Old 08-08-2010, 10:12 AM   #40
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i understand what you're saying. i empathize. but to those guys i say grow some. BBWs have to grow some. to live in this life freely anybody has to grow some. a guy outside of this might face the same things but IMO the sensitivity or attention to it usually seems to be less because its not an all consuming thing to him. he doesn't have to have how different and how sorry other people must be for him reinforced everyday. i think that does damage to an FAs self esteem as well. for a lot of guys its just something that might happen sometimes and they get over it, but they don't stop living or hide. they don't obsess over it. IMO the shame the sorrow and the pity can become a bit obsessive sometimes. i just wonder if we don't make it harder by always having people think they are more different than they are and isolating them even more form real life. sometimes i think the way we coddle FAs i emasculating. sure they deserve support but real support to actually get out there and live. sometimes they just need a good push.

Mirror, Mirror. One could say the same about DDHFG and all this crying need for frank discussion, yada yada. Why is it ok for you but not for anyone else? No one was asking for coddling any more than you were by creating a private forum.
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Old 08-08-2010, 11:03 AM   #41
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Originally Posted by LillyBBBW View Post
Mirror, Mirror. One could say the same about DDHFG and all this crying need for frank discussion, yada yada. Why is it ok for you but not for anyone else? No one was asking for coddling any more than you were by creating a private forum.
because we aren't asking FAs to carry our load and listen to it there. we are supporting each other.
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Old 08-09-2010, 07:52 PM   #42
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I guess I am just used to thinking of a "FA" as a person who has a specific preference for fat romantic partners and who tends to find fat bodies more attractive than thin ones. I really wouldn't consider a person who has no preference either way to be a "FA" simply because they happen to be involved with a person who happens to be fat at that point in time. But I can see how they would be labeled that way by default. Obviously if you're in a healthy relationship with a fat partner you find them attractive.

But is there a difference between preference and circumstance?

Do self-proclaimed FAs feel okay with sharing their label with people who also find thin bodies attractive? Or do they think that it's a term that should be reserved for people who have a specific preference?

" People still will say crappy stuff like, "You don't have to settle," and all that other stuff. "

There are SO many things that can draw scrutiny and criticism over your choice of partners from your peers and from society in general. I never heard a peep about my husband's weight, but I sure as hell caught a full ration of shit over his age, his religion, his height, his educational level, his job/income level, and his hobbies/interests from certain friends, family members, coworkers, and acquaintences who all thought I was "settling".

Tracy
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Old 08-10-2010, 06:03 AM   #43
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Originally Posted by Tracyarts View Post
I guess I am just used to thinking of a "FA" as a person who has a specific preference for fat romantic partners and who tends to find fat bodies more attractive than thin ones. I really wouldn't consider a person who has no preference either way to be a "FA" simply because they happen to be involved with a person who happens to be fat at that point in time. But I can see how they would be labeled that way by default. Obviously if you're in a healthy relationship with a fat partner you find them attractive.

But is there a difference between preference and circumstance?

Do self-proclaimed FAs feel okay with sharing their label with people who also find thin bodies attractive? Or do they think that it's a term that should be reserved for people who have a specific preference?

" People still will say crappy stuff like, "You don't have to settle," and all that other stuff. "

There are SO many things that can draw scrutiny and criticism over your choice of partners from your peers and from society in general. I never heard a peep about my husband's weight, but I sure as hell caught a full ration of shit over his age, his religion, his height, his educational level, his job/income level, and his hobbies/interests from certain friends, family members, coworkers, and acquaintences who all thought I was "settling".

Tracy
I'm not certain how men in general feel about the term, what it should mean, etc. Terms tend to take on a life of their own regardless of intent. One person complained a while ago about how if you type "bbw" into a search engine all kinds of porn sites come up and that was why they didn't want to be called that. The term began as the title of a magazine for plus sized women. It's problematic because the term includes so many types of people that maybe some might not want to be associated with. Change the term and the same thing will happen and you'll have to change it again. The same phenom seems to be the case with the term FA. It was never intended to actuallly MEAN an exclusive admirer of fat. I like the term bi-sizual but it would be a tall order to get everybody to pull bi-sizuals out from under the umbrella. It would mean surrender to a hostile takeover based on phobias which seems like a mockery of every step anyone has ever taken to withstand this kind of marginalization and mental slavery. Truth be told though, if FA meant what you say it means then I wouldn't want to date one either. lol I can see where people are coming from but I'm just too brittle to surrender to another defeatist hyperbole. I don't want to run from yet another boogie man, if that makes sense at all.
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Old 08-10-2010, 08:36 AM   #44
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I have never dated a FA, nor been with anyone who has had a preference for big women. The men I have dated have typically been attracted to the stereotypical slim girl look, which made it difficult for me at times given I'm a big girl.

My main exposure to the term FA has been from these boards, which are primarily composed of Americans.

I would like to date a FA though.
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Old 08-10-2010, 10:34 AM   #45
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I wish I had more BHM's in my life...I've met plenty but they never seem to stay In my life. That and they don't become romantic interests. Yummy eye candy, though.
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Old 08-10-2010, 07:29 PM   #46
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I didnt answer the poll, mainly due to the fact that while I have dated two FA's in my past...obviously neither was the man for me considering they arent around anymore, and I honestly should have been more conscientious about my decision to date them...most of the guys I've dated (not that I've had a lot of relationships) have not been FA's and just happened to like me for who I am.

Granted, I would like to date more FA's because I'd like to be with a man who totally accepts my size and would in no way be ashamed to be seen with me or be affectionate with me society be damned. However, FA's apparently do not exist anywhere near me and I've never had any FA's contact me online with any kind of interest in me that even if it were at a distance, could develop and have a possible relocation. *shrug* just my two cents
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Old 08-14-2010, 07:24 AM   #47
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I had to chose "I only date and have relationships with non- FAs" as my answer, but what I really mean ISSssss..."I have only dated and had relationships with non-FAs". Not that I wouldn't in the future.
this ^

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Originally Posted by Filly View Post
I have never dated a FA, nor been with anyone who has had a preference for big women. The men I have dated have typically been attracted to the stereotypical slim girl look, which made it difficult for me at times given I'm a big girl.

My main exposure to the term FA has been from these boards, which are primarily composed of Americans.

I would like to date a FA though.

and this ^


What they siad
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