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Old 08-23-2010, 04:35 PM   #1
mermaid8
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Default how do you learn to love the body you were born in?

sometimes i wish i could be happy with the body that god gave me, but being fat makes me feel so ugly. i joined this site to try and find out how to love myself with this body. if anyone has any insight and would like to give me some advice, please respond to my message.
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Old 08-23-2010, 04:47 PM   #2
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Mermaid, I would suggest just roaming around this forum. There are some great things posted by many of the fat women here on Dims. But, even then, we are all individuals, so what you glean from what you read - what insight you are given - will have to fit with who you are.

You may never ' love ' your body, no matter the size, not completely...but you can chip away at the mountain of negative recordings looping in your brain. Small steps!
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Old 08-23-2010, 05:06 PM   #3
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It seems like you are mostly attentive to the appearance of your body, and you want to "love it" on that level. While I think that's a worthy goal, sometimes you get there best by taking a more indirect route.

My advice: go do some kind of movement that you really love - swim, belly dance, do yoga, play tennis, salsa dance, kickboxing - whatever is a way you enjoy moving in your body. And do that (and other kinds of moving) regularly. Over time I think you'll begin to enjoy being embodied, on a deeper level, because you're engaging with your body on a physical level. And you can become grateful for your legs that can propel you across the pool, or your arms that hold you in downward facing dog yoga position, or your shoulders that sway to the music. You can enjoy your body in its pure physicality, and for the wonderful movements it can make.

I do think that often, the more you engage with your own body intentionally, and explore all the different kinds of movements your own unique body can make, the gratitude for that can spill over into an appreciation for it on other levels too - like the aesthetic.

You're a lovely woman, and your body contains great creative and enjoyable potential.
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Old 08-23-2010, 06:01 PM   #4
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Originally Posted by mcbeth View Post
It seems like you are mostly attentive to the appearance of your body, and you want to "love it" on that level. While I think that's a worthy goal, sometimes you get there best by taking a more indirect route.

My advice: go do some kind of movement that you really love - swim, belly dance, do yoga, play tennis, salsa dance, kickboxing - whatever is a way you enjoy moving in your body. And do that (and other kinds of moving) regularly. Over time I think you'll begin to enjoy being embodied, on a deeper level, because you're engaging with your body on a physical level. And you can become grateful for your legs that can propel you across the pool, or your arms that hold you in downward facing dog yoga position, or your shoulders that sway to the music. You can enjoy your body in its pure physicality, and for the wonderful movements it can make.

I do think that often, the more you engage with your own body intentionally, and explore all the different kinds of movements your own unique body can make, the gratitude for that can spill over into an appreciation for it on other levels too - like the aesthetic.

You're a lovely woman, and your body contains great creative and enjoyable potential.
your advice sounds wonderful, but when i do those types of physical activity now i just feel self-conscious, fat, and ugly. moving around like that just reminds me of how unattractive i feel and how uncomfortable i am with living in this body.

but nonetheless, thank you for the great advice.
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Old 08-23-2010, 06:04 PM   #5
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your advice sounds wonderful, but when i do those types of physical activity now i just feel self-conscious, fat, and ugly. moving around like that just reminds me of how unattractive i feel and how uncomfortable i am with living in this body.

but nonetheless, thank you for the great advice.
Right, that's why I said it's important find a type of movement that you LIKE... You may have to do quite a few to find the one that's right for you, I was just throwing out examples; but I think it's worth trying if you really want to learn to enjoy your body. Trust me, there will be SOME kind of physical activity on the planet that you will enjoy so much (or that will distract you by its challenge, etc.) that the bad feelings and fears will get squished.
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Old 08-23-2010, 07:45 PM   #6
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Right, that's why I said it's important find a type of movement that you LIKE... You may have to do quite a few to find the one that's right for you, I was just throwing out examples; but I think it's worth trying if you really want to learn to enjoy your body. Trust me, there will be SOME kind of physical activity on the planet that you will enjoy so much (or that will distract you by its challenge, etc.) that the bad feelings and fears will get squished.
i used to love running, but after an awful breakup in january and gaining some weight i just don't have the confidence that i used to have before. i'm not comfortable and plus i can't find the motivation.
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Old 08-23-2010, 08:26 PM   #7
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I also think walking around or even sleeping naked helps you to feel more comfortable in your own skin

it can take time it can come with age and maturity, it also takes a bucketload of self discipline and changing our negative self talk to that of positive stuff as well as learning to take what others think of us with a grain of salt, I always aim to be happy in every moment and let the rest take care of itself

hugs I hope you find your way through to learn how amazing and beautiful you truly are
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Old 08-23-2010, 09:36 PM   #8
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I also think walking around or even sleeping naked helps you to feel more comfortable in your own skin

it can take time it can come with age and maturity, it also takes a bucketload of self discipline and changing our negative self talk to that of positive stuff as well as learning to take what others think of us with a grain of salt, I always aim to be happy in every moment and let the rest take care of itself

hugs I hope you find your way through to learn how amazing and beautiful you truly are
Thank you for such great advice, i think i will try; this one i think i can handle (because it's just me alone and no one watching me). And, maybe after that i will be more comfortable with the idea of physical activity.
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Old 08-23-2010, 11:22 PM   #9
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I think the advice that the ladies have given you is great, and I will also second spiritangel's suggestion of sleeping naked. Not only does it feel wonderful, it may be quite liberating for you. It can be a long road to accepting and loving the body you have. I wish you the best of luck in getting there
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Old 08-23-2010, 11:32 PM   #10
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Thank you for such great advice, i think i will try; this one i think i can handle (because it's just me alone and no one watching me). And, maybe after that i will be more comfortable with the idea of physical activity.
For the record, you can also do physical activity alone in your house. Put on some tunes, and just wiggle.
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Old 08-23-2010, 11:47 PM   #11
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For the record, you can also do physical activity alone in your house. Put on some tunes, and just wiggle.
yeah, your right i forgot about that one.
great ideas...thank you everyone for all the encouragement.
i will post and let you know if any of your ideas help me.

thank you.
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Old 08-24-2010, 09:44 AM   #12
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Mermaid, I won't repost my response from your other thread in the FA/FFA forum, but I'll offer a couple of quick suggestions. One, start reading up on health at every size (HAES), which is the idea that one can be fat and healthy, and also usually covers information on intuitive eating and finding some kind of movement you enjoy doing, whether walking, swimming, yoga, dancing, bowling, tennis...whatever you're into. None of it is bad. Two, get yourself a copy of Lessons From the Fat-o-Sphere to help you through this process of self acceptance and body love. It also contains some info on HAES. Three, watch this. Four, read this. Five, give yourself a hug for realizing that you don't have to succumb to all the negative stereotypes that accompany being a fat woman in western society, you can learn to accept and love yourself for who and what you are right now, and let the world know that you're not a worthless person.
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Old 08-24-2010, 12:15 PM   #13
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Mermaid, I won't repost my response from your other thread in the FA/FFA forum, but I'll offer a couple of quick suggestions. One, start reading up on health at every size (HAES), which is the idea that one can be fat and healthy, and also usually covers information on intuitive eating and finding some kind of movement you enjoy doing, whether walking, swimming, yoga, dancing, bowling, tennis...whatever you're into. None of it is bad. Two, get yourself a copy of Lessons From the Fat-o-Sphere to help you through this process of self acceptance and body love. It also contains some info on HAES. Three, watch this. Four, read this. Five, give yourself a hug for realizing that you don't have to succumb to all the negative stereotypes that accompany being a fat woman in western society, you can learn to accept and love yourself for who and what you are right now, and let the world know that you're not a worthless person.
Thank you for the suggestions, i will definetely try those ideas. Actually, i just finished watching the youtube video link you suggested and what she said is so definetely true...hehe and a little funny. And, i will give myself a hug that is a very good idea...hehe.
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Old 08-24-2010, 01:22 PM   #14
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Default tears...this is why it's hard to feel beautiful...


so you understand, i recently ended (i actually broke it off) a 4yr relationship with a man that i was going to spend the rest of my life with, well at least i thought i was going to...tears.

and, today he sent me this video in an email.

as, you can see he's not what this website would call a fat admirer, which is strange because he's 260 and 5'11 or at least he was for most of the time we dated.

i know that i shouldn't let him tear me down, but it's difficult not to considering that i have these thoughts looping throughout my own mind each and everyday.


Last edited by olwen; 08-24-2010 at 09:41 PM. Reason: removed fat-hating video link - content not allowed
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Old 08-24-2010, 05:39 PM   #15
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I made myself put on a tight tank-top and really tight leggings (the kind that hug every curve or dimple) and take my walk around the neighborhood in BROAD daylight!

I was so nervous the first time and paranoid about anyone I walked by...but I stood up straight and walked liked I owned the sidewalk... and guess what??!!... no one yelled anything rude (if they even noticed)... actually I got 2 car horn honks, one "oooo baby" and one "woooo" (the "woo" guy actually hung the entire top of his body out the window to yell it) hahaha

Now I go on all my walks this way. It was very liberating.

**And even if someone had yelled "hey chubba lubba!" or "hey fatty" I wouldn't have cared and probably would have yelled back "yeah, that's right! And you're lookin'!!"

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Old 08-24-2010, 08:39 PM   #16
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so you understand, i recently ended (i actually broke it off) a 4yr relationship with a man that i was going to spend the rest of my life with, well at least i thought i was going to...tears.
Mermaid, I don't know your age, but you remind me a lot of me at age 28. I'd just moved to Los Angeles and ended a 5-year relationship with a guy who I'd thought was The One. Turns out, he wasn't. I've been there. It sucks. It really sucks. But it does get better. Certainly not on your time table, but you will eventually begin to feel better. I know because I did. When you're ready, you'll start looking again and you will eventually find someone else. But for now, this is the tough part. I hope you have a good support system of friends and family around you.

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and, today he sent me this video in an email.

as, you can see he's not what this website would call a fat admirer, which is strange because he's 260 and 5'11 or at least he was for most of the time we dated.

i know that i shouldn't let him tear me down, but it's difficult not to considering that i have these thoughts looping throughout my own mind each and everyday.

If that's your ex-boyfriend in the video, what he's doing is spewing fat hate. He's mining the usual tropes that fat haters usually mine: fat people are unhealthy; fat people are unable to control their eating habits; fat women are in for a world of pain because they don't look like "normal" thin women (i.e., they don't have "socially acceptable" body shapes). Why someone's fat or lifestyle choices are any of his business is beyond me. It's hugely assumptive to state that all fat people are unhealthy and have poor eating habits. You can no more make an assumption about a fat person's health or lifestyle by looking at them than you can the size of someone's bank account by looking at the clothes on their back. What gives him the right to pronounce judgment on fat people simply because they look different than him?

A big step in learning to love and accept your body and yourself is learning to surround yourself with supportive people. That includes having relationships with men who love you for everything you are. Not in spite of your fat; not because of your fat, but people who love you for your brain, body, personality, good points and bad, and everything you have to offer the world. If the guy you date can't do that, don't waste your time with him.

The last thing I'll say is this: keep in mind, to be a fat admirer, it doesn't mean you need to be a bigger person yourself. It's a stereotypical assumption to believe that fat goes with fat. I know a lot of fat women like fat guys, and if that's your physical preference, go for it. I also know a lot of fat women like bigger guys - meaning not necessarily fat, but bigger boned, taller, more muscular, etc. Most of the fat women I've talked with who prefer bigger boned, taller men say they prefer that physical type because it makes them feel more feminine when they're together. And if that's your physical preference, again, go for it. But not all fat women like bigger and/or fatter men. I don't. I don't feel any less feminine when I'm with a more slender guy whose body may not be as wide as mine, or taller than me. So the assumption that bigger/fatter men should 'always' like fat women is just that - an assumption. It's not true for everyone. Also, a fat admirer may not always label himself as a fat admirer. He may be a guy who simply likes you. And if he likes you, and you're fat...yeah, that kind of makes him a fat admirer, but more importantly, it makes him a you admirer, which is the best kind of guy to find.
(Which sounds really hokey, and I can't believe I wrote it. But it's true. I can't deny that it's true.)
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Old 08-24-2010, 08:59 PM   #17
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so you understand, i recently ended (i actually broke it off) a 4yr relationship with a man that i was going to spend the rest of my life with, well at least i thought i was going to...tears.

and, today he sent me this video in an email.

as, you can see he's not what this website would call a fat admirer, which is strange because he's 260 and 5'11 or at least he was for most of the time we dated.

i know that i shouldn't let him tear me down, but it's difficult not to considering that i have these thoughts looping throughout my own mind each and everyday.

Mermaid, the only ugly fat you had was the 260 lbs. you dropped when you dumped that loser.

You're a lovely girl. There's lots of good advice here. Start somewhere and surround yourself with positive and openminded people. You did yourself a favor by casting him off.
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Old 08-24-2010, 09:49 PM   #18
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Am I being a dummkopf here and being duped by pics of a pretty girl online?
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Old 08-24-2010, 09:58 PM   #19
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so you understand, i recently ended (i actually broke it off) a 4yr relationship with a man that i was going to spend the rest of my life with, well at least i thought i was going to...tears.

and, today he sent me this video in an email.

as, you can see he's not what this website would call a fat admirer, which is strange because he's 260 and 5'11 or at least he was for most of the time we dated.

i know that i shouldn't let him tear me down, but it's difficult not to considering that i have these thoughts looping throughout my own mind each and everyday.


Cut all contact with that ex off immediately what a jack arse and dont even get me started on the guy in the video, because he certainly diddnt take into account other causes of being overweight such as health and certain medications to name a couple

You deserve far far far far far far better and think what the rest of your life could have been like with a guy who thinks its ok to send you links like that

It totally makes me want to meet and then bitch slap him seriously

do not let people who view the world so narrowly hold you down or dim your inner light I have been there I have done that and I will not do it again because I know I am worth more than they will ever ever know

hugs
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Old 08-24-2010, 10:27 PM   #20
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thank you all for the kind words of support and no that jerk in the video is not my ex (i'm 28 yrs old btw).

i have cut off contact with my ex, i blocked his number and email addresses, and i just moved to a new apartment (i live with my parents/i'm in graduate school) so he doesn't know where i live and can't send me stupid stuff in the mail either.

i am trying some of the advice that all of you have suggested and i hope to make progress very soon.

"true love is acceptance of what we are, what we will be, and what we were."
(this is me)
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Old 08-24-2010, 10:38 PM   #21
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Happy Birthday, Mermaid8.

I see you had a birthday, yesterday or today!

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Old 08-24-2010, 11:03 PM   #22
mermaid8
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mermaid8 is a member of the 500 clubmermaid8 is a member of the 500 clubmermaid8 is a member of the 500 clubmermaid8 is a member of the 500 clubmermaid8 is a member of the 500 clubmermaid8 is a member of the 500 club
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Quote:
Originally Posted by mossystate View Post
Happy Birthday, Mermaid8.

I see you had a birthday, yesterday or today!

hahaha...yes i do...my birthday is today actually, 8/25, i'm 28yrs old today.
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Old 08-25-2010, 02:18 AM   #23
Tau
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Tau has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!Tau has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!Tau has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!Tau has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!Tau has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!Tau has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!Tau has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!Tau has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!Tau has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!Tau has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!Tau has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!
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I love how people on You Tube act so wise - like Hear me now - I bring you the Truth!! LOOOOOL!! You're not Moses and what's coming out of your mouth is SH*T!!!! AHAHAHAHA!
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Old 08-25-2010, 05:40 AM   #24
chicken legs
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chicken legs has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!chicken legs has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!chicken legs has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!chicken legs has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!chicken legs has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!chicken legs has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!chicken legs has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!chicken legs has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!chicken legs has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!chicken legs has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!chicken legs has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!
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Fashion,and physical challenges (great sex included) help me love my body.
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secret turn on.....Genuine affection :)
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Old 08-25-2010, 06:58 AM   #25
thirtiesgirl
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thirtiesgirl makes people happy simply by logging inthirtiesgirl makes people happy simply by logging inthirtiesgirl makes people happy simply by logging inthirtiesgirl makes people happy simply by logging inthirtiesgirl makes people happy simply by logging inthirtiesgirl makes people happy simply by logging inthirtiesgirl makes people happy simply by logging inthirtiesgirl makes people happy simply by logging inthirtiesgirl makes people happy simply by logging inthirtiesgirl makes people happy simply by logging in
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Many happy returns of the day, Miss Mermaid. I hope it's a good one.
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