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Old 10-02-2010, 11:38 AM   #1
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Default Health Talk on Dims

There always has been frequent talk on this board about health and its relation to being fat. There are probably as many opinions as there are posters on here.

Clearly there is no hard definition of "health". There is no real universally accepted definition of the word health as there is something like "petite" if a female is 5"4 or shorter or "high cholesterol" if certain numbers are above 200. Rather it seems as though health is something each poster defines for him or herself, along the lines of "I consider myself/my partner healthy because of XYZ factors."

Talk of health can, and often does, correlate with talk about weight loss. The idea that somebody loses weight for "health reasons" is oftentimes presented as the acceptable reason for weight loss. After all, who can argue with somebody's need to be healthy? In some cases, a person will say she's lost weight for her health or wants to lose weight for her health. The responses can range from supportive to disbelieving. Sometimes it's a rallying cry for size acceptance and other times it seems like a rally for FAs or even other fat people to protest that the one who claims "health" is either just evading other reasons for weight loss, or she's just blind to the true facts about her own body---the uptick in health was really a result of something apart from a drop in poundage.

What is inescapable is that in many cases, when an FA discusses health, s/he is not talking about his or her own body. As a female, I have to admit to feeling genuinely uncomfortable when a thin male FA insists that a particular person is "healthy", that the weight loss industry is evil, or that certain health metrics are, for lack of a better word, good enough. i.e. "She can walk a mile" or "Her cholesterol is good" or "Her blood pressure was excellent". Right or wrong, I can never totally shake the feeling that these insistences are at least in part self serving, "You don't need to lose weight, you're HEALTHY." It's as if some FAs try to take health out of the equation to remove the one acceptable reason for weight loss.

I almost feel I'd rather just read posts that say "dont' lose weight because it's not sexy" that the ones that say "My girlfriend was totally healthy but her family/friend/society/the weight loss industry convinced her to lose weight and now everything sucks."

I honestly feel like FAs just should not discuss health anymore. If fat people discuss it they're discussing themselves, but when FAs do it, they're discussing others.

In short i have to admit i now understand why many people didn't want the "Health Board" to be here.
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Old 10-02-2010, 01:06 PM   #2
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" I honestly feel like FAs just should not discuss health anymore. If fat people discuss it they're discussing themselves, but when FAs do it, they're discussing others. "

I think it all depends on the FA in question. I have some FA friends and acquaintences who fall on one side of the "health" debate, and some FA acquaintences who fall on the other.

In my personal experience, my FA friends, the ones who know me well enough to understand what my health and mobility goals are, and what I am doing to achieve them, are completely supportive. Because they have some kind of investment in me via our friendship. We may be "just friends" but we do care about each other enough to put that before things like appearance preference. So I may or may not be as attractive to them anymore, but who cares? Our friendship is a platonic one anyway.

It's been some of the acquaintences and the random strangers who see fit to criticize and negate my choices. People who just aren't able to separate their fantasy from my reality. Like the man who told me that I didn't need to be able to walk as long as I had a husband to push me in a wheelchair (and that maybe my problem wasn't my mobility, but the fact that I wasn't married to a "true" FA and didn't *really* accept my body). Or the one who told me that I didn't need to worry about diabetes because that's what drugs are for (so I should eat however much cake, ice cream, candy, etc... I want, because I can always go shoot insulin afterwards to take care of it). And then the one who told me that it doesn't matter how hard I try and improve my health, because it's all in God's hands anyway so I might as well just eat, drink, and be merry (and fatter).

I caught a LOT of shit for wanting to lose enough weight to be functionally mobile and to get off of some of the medications I was on. It's like I had to argue my case with some FAs and fat acceptance advocates in order to be allowed my choice. I got so tired of trying to explain that wheelchairs and scooters aren't magic carpets, and medications aren't magic potions. There are expenses and limitations (and side effects) to take into consideration with those things that don't always make them the best (or even a valid) choice. But it seemed like in order to be a "good fattie" I was under pressure to choose things that might not be the best for ME in the long run.

I finally decided that if somebody is unwilling to allow me the right to do what I believe will give me a better life, without trying to invalidate me or hassle me, then they're not really concerned with me as a person, and they're not worth taking seriously. Basically their opinion goes straight into the "whatever" pile.

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Old 10-02-2010, 01:20 PM   #3
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Originally Posted by LoveBHMS View Post
In short i have to admit i now understand why many people didn't want the "Health Board" to be here.
There are those here that feel as though the practices of "Feeding," "Gaining," "Stuffing," and "Feederism" are willful neglects of health, particularly with the enthusiasm shown by some of the feeders/feedees/gainers. Others feel the attacks, or mere mention (?) of these practices and that they either 1. Are, 2. May be, or 3. are likely 1. Unhealthy, 2. Blatantly unhealthy, or 3. shocking/offensive (? Im not taking an opinion as my own personal merely stating how it may be presented, maybe, maybe, i stress this) .. are unacceptable.

All in all, i think there is middle ground. Sure, gaining and eating thousands and thousands of calories where perhaps one knows a family member or friend that died due to high cholestorol would make you want to say something. People can also do whatever they wish, but as certain TV shows have pointed out, they DO have the right to. (Some verbage and/or the actual, specific show draws ire, but nonetheless, it was said.) It draws fuel to the fire about CHOICE vs. HEALTH on a national stage, with the "Healthy Food in Schools" initiative, another issue, with similar if specifically unrelated undertones.

We cant even agree what "Obese" is, or what a "Good" BMI is as genes play a part, yet there is a national standard now?

The topic has its merit. If its not outright dismissed as something that can NOT be discussed, it is great conversation. As long as people dont go insulting specific people. Because that has nothing to do with the topic of Health.
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Old 10-02-2010, 01:22 PM   #4
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My health is no one's else's business but my own. No one gets to comment on or judge my health but me, and my doctor who I trust. No one else. Not my mother, not my closest friend, not the guy I'm dating, not some random FA, not another fat person. Whether you agree with what I'm doing, disagree with it, or have a concern about my health, my health and what I choose to do with it is my business. No one else gets to have a say. And all those professed FAs on this site who think they're allowed to comment on a fat woman's health choices are seriously mistaken.

That said, there's a difference between a so-called FA speaking up about women's health, and fat people discussing their own health concerns. If someone starts a thread here about their own health concerns and is asking what concerns other people have about themselves, should other folks decide to post their own concerns in the thread, that's their business. Again, it's their health and their choice as to what they want to make public or not. But that doesn't mean the thread is an open space for FAs to make comments on the health of the fat people who choose to post. Not because I believe threads should be limited as to who can post in them, but because health is a private, personal issue and not open for commentary or judgment by others.
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Old 10-02-2010, 01:34 PM   #5
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[QUOTE=Tracyarts;I caught a LOT of shit for wanting to lose enough weight to be functionally mobile and to get off of some of the medications I was on. [/QUOTE]

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Originally Posted by Heyyou View Post
There are those here that feel as though the practices of "Feeding," "Gaining," "Stuffing," and "Feederism" are willful neglects of health, particularly with the enthusiasm shown by some of the feeders/feedees/gainers..
And, on another thread, several posters have recounted how other people hassled them for cutting their hair...

It isn't about weight, or hair, or whatever: it's about the fact that there are a lot of control freaks in this world who simply cannot MYOB. You're never going to be free of them, and you're never going to convince them, because their concern with your business springs from an emotional need, not from any reasoning. Your choice, as I see it, is to either (a) learn to ignore them or (b) invest in a set of brass knuckles.
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Old 10-02-2010, 01:45 PM   #6
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I think FAs should be aware of health issues, complications, and the myriad of ramifications of fatness. It's just part of coupling with fat partners, whether they start healthy and get "un"healthy or vice versa.

I think their feelings on loss, whether popular or unpopular, are valid and Dims is, of all places online, an appropriate venue for them to share their thoughts.

Thin FAs are never going to understand what it is to live in a fat body, healthy or not, but dialogue about the issues certainly helps them get some footing in what can be a very unsteady topic - even here at Dims where everyone knows everything.
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Old 10-02-2010, 01:46 PM   #7
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Originally Posted by AnnMarie View Post
I think FAs should be aware of health issues, complications, and the myriad of ramifications of fatness. It's just part of coupling with fat partners, whether they start healthy and get "un"healthy or vice versa.

I think their feelings on loss, whether popular or unpopular, are valid and Dims is, of all places online, an appropriate venue for them to share their thoughts.

Thin FAs are never going to understand what it is to live in a fat body, healthy or not, but dialogue about the issues certainly helps them get some footing in what can be a very unsteady topic - even here at Dims where everyone knows everything.
Exactly. What is it with all the us v. them tackiness of late?
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Old 10-02-2010, 03:44 PM   #8
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Originally Posted by Tracyarts View Post
...

I got so tired of trying to explain that wheelchairs and scooters aren't magic carpets, and medications aren't magic potions. There are expenses and limitations (and side effects) to take into consideration with those things that don't always make them the best (or even a valid) choice. ...
This is a great point. I don't think people comprehend the ramifications of loss of mobility until it actually happens. During the last few weeks of my wife's pregnancy she experienced restricted mobility. She didn't fit behind the wheel of her car, she couldn't get up from the sofa or many chairs without help, and could only walk short distances. Those weeks were a real eye opener. She's made a decision to get more fit and I'll do the best I can to help her.

Also, I have a hard time believing the guys who say they'll take care of their SSBBWs every need. This may make me seem like a bad FA and/or husband but three weeks of my wife's limited mobility was more than enough for me. So I have a very hard time believing that there are many guys willing to sign up as full time caregivers -- or that women would want such a situation.
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Old 10-02-2010, 07:42 PM   #9
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i think there's probably as many non-fa's who dont give a shit about their partners health as there are fa's who don't give a shit about their partner's health. i hate how everything on this goddamn forum becomes an fa vs non-fa issue instead of a human being issue. i suppose the 'nature of the fetish' is where all this comes from but ultimately there's good people and bad people. everyone makes their decisions and lives with them. the end.

and fuck anyone who thinks i don't 'deserve to talk about health' btw. if i'm asked by my partner for input i give it, along with the love and support that any relationship deserves to have. christ.
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Old 10-02-2010, 08:44 PM   #10
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i think there's probably as many non-fa's who dont give a shit about their partners health as there are fa's who don't give a shit about their partner's health. i hate how everything on this goddamn forum becomes an fa vs non-fa issue instead of a human being issue. i suppose the 'nature of the fetish' is where all this comes from but ultimately there's good people and bad people. everyone makes their decisions and lives with them. the end.

and fuck anyone who thinks i don't 'deserve to talk about health' btw. if i'm asked by my partner for input i give it, along with the love and support that any relationship deserves to have. christ.
i agree with that to a point. a guy is a guy is a guy. but on a site focused toward fantasy a lot of guys expect their fantasy to be enhanced and don't want to deal in reality. that can influence his perspectives on health. some of it is just plain old denial. but lets face it by definition fetish obscures reality. i personally don't feel someone who is into fat people is even a fetishist anyway so that eliminates me feeling that everyone who is sexually attracted to a fat woman is going to risk her health period whether he calls himself an FA or not. but maybe a true fetishist might go too far because they simply can't help themselves.

the problem i see with ideas about fetish here is that most people don't even know what one is. and they refuse to admit that the the sexuality they express with each other may be pretty normal overall. lots of people get off on the idea that they are being what they think is freaky when actually they are pretty mundane and even boring. but everyone wants to feel different and unique because then he is more like the gods, special and somehow immortal because he is so different instead of being the run of the mill human being like everyone else with the same sexual preferences and proclivities that have been around for centuries. i've got news, being attracted to fat men and women does not make you a 3 headed hydra. in the scheme of things its a real zzzzzzzzzz.

fetish is a fashionable word now and it gets misused a lot. people think they're being edgy when they announce with a lot of fan fare that they have a fetish. for most its just a way to get attention or spice up their sex life. i put it down to being on t.v. too much and being on the web scanning porn sites too much. after all the freakier you THINK your being the sexier you usually feel. taboo is tasty to most people. it reminds them of having a good session in the bathroom with their mother waiting outside the door. so naturally when people insist on the fetish label people who actually know what the word fetish means are going to feel that the person addressing the issue is not coming from a realistic position since they are saying they actually have one. thats the fault of the person calling themselves a fetishist without knowing what that means or maybe not even realizing that the types of attractions they have are not even considered a fetish in the first place.

i personally feel health should be discussed openly and honestly here with everyone. i feel its weird that people can talk about their most intimate sexual fantasies but not health. sex and health are intertwined anyway. you don't have to open your personal health file to talk about it in an honest informed way. everyone needs to know what they're in for physically speaking to make informed choices. and just maybe that would cut down on some of the misconceptions some FAs have anyway if they knew the truth the whole truth and nothing but the truth. something else i can't reconcile is the idea that someone would be willing to discuss and even have sex with an FA but not be willing to discuss their health with an FA. i just can't wrap my mind around that one.
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Old 10-02-2010, 11:13 PM   #11
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Originally Posted by Dr. Feelgood View Post
And, on another thread, several posters have recounted how other people hassled them for cutting their hair...

It isn't about weight, or hair, or whatever: it's about the fact that there are a lot of control freaks in this world who simply cannot MYOB. You're never going to be free of them, and you're never going to convince them, because their concern with your business springs from an emotional need, not from any reasoning. Your choice, as I see it, is to either (a) learn to ignore them or (b) invest in a set of brass knuckles.
yeah sometimes you just have to tell people flat out to go to hell so that you can keep on living the exact way that you really want to.
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Old 10-02-2010, 11:28 PM   #12
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Originally Posted by bigmac View Post
This is a great point. I don't think people comprehend the ramifications of loss of mobility until it actually happens. During the last few weeks of my wife's pregnancy she experienced restricted mobility. She didn't fit behind the wheel of her car, she couldn't get up from the sofa or many chairs without help, and could only walk short distances. Those weeks were a real eye opener. She's made a decision to get more fit and I'll do the best I can to help her.

Also, I have a hard time believing the guys who say they'll take care of their SSBBWs every need. This may make me seem like a bad FA and/or husband but three weeks of my wife's limited mobility was more than enough for me. So I have a very hard time believing that there are many guys willing to sign up as full time caregivers -- or that women would want such a situation.
yes exactly. and thats why people need to talk. taking care of people will take a toll on anyone. when my mom was ill i only took care of her for about a month but it was so emotionally and physically draining. anyone who can do it is my hero. until then i had not realized how much it took to really look after someone and be their health advocate etc... there are so many decisions to be made and so many expenses to deal with. i think it would be very hard for people who haven't been around it before to have any idea how much it takes out of everybody. if people talk about it they can make preparations beforehand just in case. you can have the appropriate insurance and lists of supportive resources etc... that would certainly help some of the strain.
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