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Old 11-02-2010, 02:34 PM   #1
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Hello, everyone. I am coming to this board for help because I am about at my wits end. I have been dating a guy for about a year, and he can't get the hang of doggystyle at all. He is just not able to find the hole at all, even after finding it with his finger. AFter a few minutes, he goes limp. Ive had men the same penis size have no problem at all. I am a pear with a really big butt, but that shouldnt matter, right?

The main issue though is if we haven't had sex in a week, and we're in missionary, he prematurely ejaculates in 1 minute or less. Then he does for the day and even the next day. This weekend we tried to have sex the following day after he had orgasmed just once the day before, and he couldnt maintain his erection for more than 30 second intervals. However, he was able to get off with my hand... He said the problem was because he had had sex the day before.... he is only 26 years old. he says he just has a low sex drive. we only see each other on weekends. This is just making me miserable.

Have any of you men/women dealt with ED and or PE in your relationship? How did you deal with it??

Any help would be appreciated.

Much chubby love xoxo
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Old 11-02-2010, 08:45 PM   #2
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I'm sorry you are having such a frustrating time, but I am sure he is just as upset he can't satisfy you. I would strongly suggest he visit a urologist to rule out anything organic first, then maybe a counselor to see if there is a psychiatric issue causing his ED. I hope you can figure this out and that things get better for you.
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Old 11-03-2010, 02:09 AM   #3
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I occasionally have the same problem your man is having.
Chances are he likes you a lot and has a little bit of performance anxiety.
It also has to do with how he masturbates. Some men masturbate with a really tight grip and no lubricant/alot of lubricant and when it comes time for sex some ED happens.

If you really want to have a good time, get him a viagra or a cialis and enjoy the hours of erection and erections easily achieved for the next week
Or you could do things the hard way and try to send him to a psychiatrist that tries to solve his ED issue mentally...but that could take forever and really depress the poor guy.
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Old 11-03-2010, 04:07 AM   #4
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Originally Posted by cherub View Post
Hello, everyone. I am coming to this board for help because I am about at my wits end. I have been dating a guy for about a year, and he can't get the hang of doggystyle at all. He is just not able to find the hole at all, even after finding it with his finger. AFter a few minutes, he goes limp. Ive had men the same penis size have no problem at all. I am a pear with a really big butt, but that shouldnt matter, right?

The main issue though is if we haven't had sex in a week, and we're in missionary, he prematurely ejaculates in 1 minute or less. Then he does for the day and even the next day. This weekend we tried to have sex the following day after he had orgasmed just once the day before, and he couldnt maintain his erection for more than 30 second intervals. However, he was able to get off with my hand... He said the problem was because he had had sex the day before.... he is only 26 years old. he says he just has a low sex drive. we only see each other on weekends. This is just making me miserable.

Have any of you men/women dealt with ED and or PE in your relationship? How did you deal with it??

Any help would be appreciated.

Much chubby love xoxo
Yes, I've been in your position, and it's beyond frustrating. He needs to see a urologist, then go from there. Please, do not encourage him to pick some ED meds off the black market. He might have a medical condition where he shouldn't be taking ____, he might be taking a med that could react badly with a particular ED drug, and/or the black market ED med might not be pure or what they say it is. That's also illegal, and if caught, he could face jail time and/or fines. While it's often embarrassing for people to get help about their sexual dysfunctions, it's not a bad thing to get counseling (if there's not a organic problem causing the dysfunction). Meds aren't always the answer, and they do have side-effects. The issues won't be resolved until he receives professional help.

Good luck to both of you.
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Old 11-03-2010, 08:41 AM   #5
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in missionary, he prematurely ejaculates in 1 minute or less
seems to be something to the angle with a big girl, thats not uncommon.

now my honest opinion:

if this was a new relationship i would go with the really likes you performance anxiety, but since you say its been a year i doubt it.

you say you only see each other on weekends. is it because of distance? is there a chance of some other "action" during the week?

im going to lean more toward psych with a few theories on this then medical.
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Old 11-03-2010, 08:59 AM   #6
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I agree with those who've suggested your bf see a doctor. I don't know much about it, but my brother had some similar issues in the bedroom (he didn't elaborate much, but I think it was ED) and depression and discussed it with his doctor. They ran several tests including checking his testosterone level which turned out to be quite low. He began treatment for it and definitely noticed an improvement.

If it's just a matter of positioning and finding a way to make it work, have you tried leaning over the bed or some piece of furniture so you're higher? or kneeling on pillows (you or him, whatever works) on the bed perhaps? hmm.. good luck. I'm sure the situation is pretty frustrating for both of you.
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Old 11-03-2010, 12:19 PM   #7
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I was just about the say the same thing as TFG above, and that pillow placement can sometimes make a difference. Also I would imagine other things would factor into it, such as if there is much of a height difference between the two of you as well.

If he's trying his darndest to get inside of you from behind and it just isn't happening, I can understand where he might lose his erection after a bit. It's probably frustrating to him, which is killing the mood in the process. As far as PE is concerned, I don't know what to say about that, as I haven't been in that situation.

There's also a "sideways" variation, maybe that would work also?
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Old 11-03-2010, 02:08 PM   #8
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I agree with those who've suggested your bf see a doctor. I don't know much about it, but my brother had some similar issues in the bedroom (he didn't elaborate much, but I think it was ED) and depression and discussed it with his doctor. They ran several tests including checking his testosterone level which turned out to be quite low. He began treatment for it and definitely noticed an improvement.

If it's just a matter of positioning and finding a way to make it work, have you tried leaning over the bed or some piece of furniture so you're higher? or kneeling on pillows (you or him, whatever works) on the bed perhaps? hmm.. good luck. I'm sure the situation is pretty frustrating for both of you.
If pillows don't sort out the angle, then you could try a sex ramp... (as seen in the movie "Burn After Reading")
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Old 11-03-2010, 02:25 PM   #9
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Originally Posted by cherub View Post
Hello, everyone. I am coming to this board for help because I am about at my wits end. I have been dating a guy for about a year, and he can't get the hang of doggystyle at all. He is just not able to find the hole at all, even after finding it with his finger. AFter a few minutes, he goes limp. Ive had men the same penis size have no problem at all. I am a pear with a really big butt, but that shouldnt matter, right?

The main issue though is if we haven't had sex in a week, and we're in missionary, he prematurely ejaculates in 1 minute or less. Then he does for the day and even the next day. This weekend we tried to have sex the following day after he had orgasmed just once the day before, and he couldnt maintain his erection for more than 30 second intervals. However, he was able to get off with my hand... He said the problem was because he had had sex the day before.... he is only 26 years old. he says he just has a low sex drive. we only see each other on weekends. This is just making me miserable.

Have any of you men/women dealt with ED and or PE in your relationship? How did you deal with it??

Any help would be appreciated.

Much chubby love xoxo

Hi

whilst the problems with my ex were somewhat different he had a simmilar sensitivity in that once he had cum he wouldnt be able to have sex again for a few days as he was too sensitive however he had the opposite problem in that it was hard to get him over that final hurdle

wich I have since learned is very much a trait of passive agressive men,

big squishy hugs and lots of empathy not sure I can offer you much advice as I never found a way through it and my ex always said he had a low sex drive however he did masterbate using pillows in a im bonking them kinda way and I did wonder as he had been single for about 10years if that had something to do with the sensativity................
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Old 11-04-2010, 08:46 PM   #10
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All good advice I'm sure. I just want to add that wife helps me find the hole "doin' the dog", which I appreciate. May seem silly but in that position it is more difficult to distinguish from the "Hershey Highway".
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Old 11-04-2010, 09:37 PM   #11
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First and foremost...check with his doctor. His health is most important. But if that doesnt work...

You could always try creams that they sell at adult novelty stores. I think one name of it is called "not yet", another might be call "peter primer" im not sure exactly, but the associates in those stores are usually nice and professional. They might be able to recommend some other products that could assist in the bed room... Its not always everyone's thing, talk to him, see what he thinks. Hope it helps!
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Old 11-05-2010, 07:51 AM   #12
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First and foremost...check with his doctor. His health is most important. But if that doesnt work...

You could always try creams that they sell at adult novelty stores. I think one name of it is called "not yet", another might be call "peter primer" im not sure exactly, but the associates in those stores are usually nice and professional. They might be able to recommend some other products that could assist in the bed room... Its not always everyone's thing, talk to him, see what he thinks. Hope it helps!
those are desensitizers to help you go longer. they wont help him at all and might make things worse. there is no cream or anything that springs it up otherwise viagra would never have been made and every guy on the planet would carry a tube just in case.


to the OP. are you guys kinda vanilla with sex? maybe hes a closet freak and needs some really nasty action to help him out and hes just shy to say it.

get nasty on his ass and see what happens
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Old 11-05-2010, 03:33 PM   #13
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I have had some minor ED issues, related to my level of stress being way too high. Viagra can really help, and most doctors will give you a sample pack to try, no change, as the drug is quite expensive. If nothing else it makes it easier by reducing his stress level about performance anxiety. If the balloon pops too quick then give him 15-20 mins and the flesh will be willing again!
Good luck. I no longer need it, and I think that is actually common.
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Old 11-05-2010, 06:24 PM   #14
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maybe hes a closet freak and needs some really nasty action to help him out and hes just shy to say it.

get nasty on his ass and see what happens
I've never quoted another Dims member in my sig line, but this one tempts me.

Tiki's advice is really good. Stress has such a way of impeding the best efforts and intentions.
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Old 11-05-2010, 06:50 PM   #15
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If the balloon pops too quick then give him 15-20 mins and the flesh will be willing again!
Good luck. .
wow. that made me cringe.
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Old 11-05-2010, 07:05 PM   #16
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wow. that made me cringe.
It might have made you cringe. Then again you're not a female who understood what he was saying and who understood what he was trying to be reassuring about.

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Old 11-05-2010, 08:37 PM   #17
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The main issue though is if we haven't had sex in a week, and we're in missionary, he prematurely ejaculates in 1 minute or less. Then he does for the day and even the next day. This weekend we tried to have sex the following day after he had orgasmed just once the day before, and he couldnt maintain his erection for more than 30 second intervals. However, he was able to get off with my hand...
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those are desensitizers to help you go longer. they wont help him at all and might make things worse. there is no cream or anything that springs it up otherwise viagra would never have been made and every guy on the planet would carry a tube just in case.

I am so sorry, I may be confused. From what I am reading, and please correct me if I am wrong, but he does not have a problem getting an erection...just keeping it. From what I am gathering, he comes prematurely (a.k.a. premature ejaculation, or PE). Desensitizing creams are not to help him get an erection, which is good, because from what I am understanding, that is not the problem. They could however, help him with the climax. Sometimes the excitement with sex just gets so intense, and as soon as there is penetration, the climax hits. I took the liberty to do a little research in regards to PE and what you can do, together, to hopefully over come this thorn in your sexual romance.

http://www.sexhealthinplainenglish.c...culation_2.htm (please note # 7)
http://men.webmd.com/tc/premature-ej...topic-overview
http://men.webmd.com/guide/overcomin...ation-problems
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Old 11-06-2010, 11:11 AM   #18
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the thing is if hes desensitized while hard he can last longer because hes feeling less. if he goes limp with that stuff on then hes just got a numb wet noodle.

so yea if he can keep it up he might last longer
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Old 11-06-2010, 01:33 PM   #19
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My advice here is to try a condom to reduce sensitivity. If you are already doing that then try a thicker one. Those "last longer" lotions are made up of who knows what, and I am just very skeptical of them. I would bet Viagra or Cialis would make a big difference, as sex is very much mental, and that would probably give him added confidence. So send him to the urologist, and enjoy testing to see if viagra helped him.
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Old 11-06-2010, 02:04 PM   #20
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I hope no self-respecting doctor is just going to hand a 26 year old, otherwise healthy man a bottle of viagra like candy without trying to find some cause for this issue. While it of course happens to some sometimes (which is totally normal), having this type of issue consistenly seems to be a sign of something more going on - either phsyically or mentally.

It also could be that your guy just has a low libido, and the frustration of not understanding the "order of holes" throws him off enough that he loses it. (But really, even after one or two times - "Not the top one" should be clear enough.) The PE is understandable for 100 reasons if it's what gets him off or whatever. I could make an ex come instantly by just inching toward his nipples. If I'd done it as soon as we started, it'd be called PE.

Good luck!
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Old 11-08-2010, 04:20 PM   #21
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WOW. Thank you ALL for your responses. He does, in fact, have some kinky sexual tastes. Before we met, he had sex with one woman ONCE. We waited until we fell in love to have sex, i thought it was sweet, now I wonder if it was because he knew he had issues and wanted to see if he could trust me....a while after we started dating, i found out he is really into being Dom...he has LOTS of dom toys. We did dom stuff for a while, like he handcuffed me, tickled me, spanked me, etc. but after a while I got too frustrated with that because we couldn't master 'regular' sex. I just wanted to be banged the hell out of! I was sick of the foreplay and toys...(but im sure if he was unwilling to do foreplay and only bang i would complain, too). This weekend I noticed when im in the kitchen, he likes to bother me and aggrivate me until i get pissed off and yell at him and get annoyed. this gives him a boner. wtf is that?? he has tried the over the counter male stimulant pills. this weekend we tried to have sex, (he had popped a pill) and after a couple of minutes he stopped because he thought he came, pulled it out and couldnt tell if he had or not...how can you NOT tell? The condom looked like there was some ejaculate in the bottom, but we weren't sure...and he lost his erection...he wasnt as sensitive as normal so i was able to jack him off and he did cum. im so frustrated by all of this. I suggested a dr. this weekend. I think his sense of pride is going to prevent him from going. and what's sad is im almost to the point i dont care anymore. all of the sexual rejection (turning down blowjobs, turning down sex because its too early in the day for him) have really hurt my sexual feelings towards him, and i pull away.
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Old 11-09-2010, 05:55 AM   #22
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first, those over the counter pills are a mix of vitamins and garbage.

second, he maybe a dom but ill tell ya right now hes trying to hand you the reigns, getting a hard on from being yelled at? that means he wants you to make him your bitch.

time for you to amp it up and see how that goes. step up and take whats yours grab that cock and go to town.
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Old 11-09-2010, 09:04 AM   #23
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Hi Cherub --

I would have to agree that his pride seems to be getting in the way of his issues. He just has to make an effort and seek some sort of medical attention I think, maybe that way certain things can be ruled out. How does he expect to have a fulfilling sex life if he doesn't at least TRY to figure out what's wrong. If this means seeking the advice of a medical professional, so be it. I think it's nice that you've been patient enough to work with him on this, but it just seems like you are putting more effort into the relationship sexually than he has -- and quite honestly, it's not fair to you. I think you might need to lay down the law with him on this, maybe it'll be enough of a wake-up call for him to actually do something about it. It might hurt his feelings, but I think you have to do this in order to save the sexual component of your relationship with him.
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Old 11-11-2010, 03:00 AM   #24
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Heh, sorry to hear this but sounds like he needs to quit being a shmuck and man-up. My girlfriend is a HUGE pear shape. Hell when we go at it her ass, and hips, and thighs- all have a life of their own. My solution is to just part those blessed curvy components of hers and conquer that crevice in the name of Lordsheogorath!

I mean we even get pretty aggressive, my gal loves it when I bite her neck and shoulder area while I'm killing it, so much so that I often break skin and draw blood.

That's not to say there's no romance though. I think you need a partner in life who is as passionate in the bedroom (or wherever you are getting your swerve on) as they are outside of it.

When I am out in public I am not shy about slapping my girlfriends ass or cuddling up behind her for some public display of affection.

See how he does when you DEMAND it from him. A guy can feel really empowered when he's made to feel like an alpha male (or is) and that really is what most men need psychologically. Don't be submissive but make him feel like he's the boss and you might get it 'straightened' out.
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Old 11-20-2010, 01:47 PM   #25
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My advice is to see a doctor -a urologist in particular. He can not only prescribe one of many ED medications if needed but, also a medication for pre-mature ejaculation.
The last I have read is that pre-mature ejaculation is defined as the inability to last 120 seconds!
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