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Old 12-20-2010, 03:50 PM   #1
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Default how did (guys) come to terms with ur FAness?

Hi,

i am just wondering how the guys here came to terms with their preferences? I myself have known for a long time that i am mostly exclusively attracted to bbws/ssbbws and was wondering how the guys here have come to terms with that? How did ur friends react? How did ur parents react? How have u dealt with the stigma or the perception (incorrectly) that you may be dating big girls because u cant get a skinny girl? (i know this is incorrect..but i think sometimes people think that is why we date bigger girls). Additionally, when u are out an about..do and ur friends point out a skinny girl they find attractive and u dont..what do u saY? Do u point out a fat girl that u find attractive and say "thats my type of girl"? How open are u with ur preferences with people? Thanks, i am just looking for some advice/perspective. cheers
Anthony
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Old 12-20-2010, 04:04 PM   #2
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There was never a need for me to come to terms with my attraction to big girls. I've never seen anything wrong with it. I've never taken any flack for it from friends and family either. Even if I did, that's white noise. If I like something, I like it. I don't care how anyone else feels about it.
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Old 12-20-2010, 04:09 PM   #3
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Growing up fat myself I never had any problem accepting my FAness. I didn't grow up believing many anti-fat stereotypes since I was fat and I knew they weren't true. My dad doesn't care, my mom doesn't understand, she hates herself fat and just doesn't get it. I never really cared what my friends thought, I hate people anyway and really don't give two shits what their opinion of my ladies were.
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Old 12-20-2010, 04:13 PM   #4
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i dunno...i consider myself (as do many other people) to be a very good looking guy...and i just think that people think i cant get a skinny girl... so i date fat girls. I think people look down on me for my preferences. I dont like thinking like this..and i just want some advice to get over this way of thinking...
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Old 12-20-2010, 04:22 PM   #5
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People will look down on you for pretty much anything. Worrying about things like that won't help in the slightest. It's not exactly easy for some people, I know, but you have to get into a mindset where the importance of other's opinions when it comes to your personal preferences is marginalized to a point where they doesn't matter.
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Old 12-20-2010, 04:27 PM   #6
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Originally Posted by Meddlecase View Post
People will look down on you for pretty much anything. Worrying about things like that won't help in the slightest. It's not exactly easy for some people, I know, but you have to get into a mindset where the importance of other's opinions when it comes to your personal preferences is marginalized to a point where they doesn't matter.
This.

Put the ball in your court. It's not about what they think. It's about how you feel about liking what you like.
Gaining confidence in myself and learning more about how I feel is when things got easy for me.
People will assume many things about you. If they're really curious, it's as simple as clarifying it
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Old 12-20-2010, 04:51 PM   #7
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i am just wondering how the guys here came to terms with their preferences?
I "came out of the closet" at age 16.
At that time i had two choices: live a life of secrecy and self-loathing, or just tell my friends at the time how I felt.
And self-loathing was not an option for me.

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How did ur friends react?
Aside from a few light-hearted jabs, as friends are wont to make, they were all cool with it. The girls I was friends with sure as hell admired me for it.

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How did ur parents react?
My only family is my aunt. She’s doesn’t care one way or the other.

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How have u dealt with the stigma or the perception (incorrectly) that you may be dating big girls because u cant get a skinny girl?
By not dealing with it. I know the truth about myself, and that’s all I need.

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Additionally, when u are out an about..do and ur friends point out a skinny girl they find attractive and u dont..what do u saY? Do u point out a fat girl that u find attractive and say "thats my type of girl"?
Everyone I know now knows full well that I am exclusively attracted to fat women.

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How open are u with ur preferences with people?
Very. I never, EVER hide it. Again, self-loathing is not an option.

Also, this, a thousand times this:
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I've never taken any flack for it from friends and family either. Even if I did, that's white noise. If I like something, I like it. I don't care how anyone else feels about it.
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Old 12-20-2010, 05:10 PM   #8
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thanks for the replies gents. But how did u get to the point of "not caring". its easy to say...'i just dont care'...but how does one get there?
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Old 12-20-2010, 05:13 PM   #9
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For me it was gaining confidence in myself. The more confident I got, the less I cared about what other people think.
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Old 12-20-2010, 05:18 PM   #10
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thanks for the replies gents. But how did u get to the point of "not caring". its easy to say...'i just dont care'...but how does one get there?
there's really no easy answer for this. it's something you learn over time.
good people i knew growing up always taught me something very important:
always apologize when you do something wrong, but never apologize for who you are.
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Old 12-20-2010, 05:19 PM   #11
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thanks for the replies gents. But how did u get to the point of "not caring". its easy to say...'i just dont care'...but how does one get there?
I think genuinely falling in love with someone of your "type" helps, too, but this is something you'll eventually come to terms with on your own, too
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Old 12-20-2010, 05:39 PM   #12
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Originally Posted by meepmeep View Post
Hi,

i am just wondering how the guys here came to terms with their preferences? I myself have known for a long time that i am mostly exclusively attracted to bbws/ssbbws and was wondering how the guys here have come to terms with that?
I was curious about fat girls from really early on, first or second grade. Obviously it wasn't a sexual turn-on at that point, but I seemed to have "fat girl detectors" in my brain that I just always noticed when a fat girl was around. At that point all sorts of humor and other tropes about fat girls were flying around, and unfortunately I repeated some of them. But I think at one point when these tropes started turning from just simple physical humor to insinuations of ugliness or unlovability, I found myself thinking, "OK, I was willing to go with it being funny the way their bodies jiggle or they squeeze through places, but I've never thought of them in a bad way."

When in 5th and 6th grade we got some in-class readings of Judy Blume's books Sheila the Great and Blubber, I noticed a few things. First, I created visions of Sondra van Arden stuck in the milk door and felt some new and strangely pleasant feelings. Second, when Linda Fisher and this one uncooperative guy were pushed together and forced to kiss, I thought about it and realized I probably would enjoy kissing the fat girl.

It was not long after, as I remembered and made up various stuckage and tight clothes and jiggly scenes with fat girls in my mind, that I figured out what I was doing wrapped up in a thick comforter every night. If I had any doubts about where this was all leading, they ended the day my nudist family took me on the latest of our periodic outings to Elysium, a private nudist park in Los Angeles County's Topanga Canyon. A blonde, buttery looking woman, just about on the border of mid-size and supersize, like say Sandie Szabo or Kelly Kay, ambled across the grass and plopped down by her husband.... and I instantly saw the future I wanted for myself. It probably wasn't coincidence that I was happy as a clam when a tall supersize blonde in 6th grade (oh let's see, Terra or Valerie or my own wife Kat as a young girl) made me her Sadie Hawkins Day catch.

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How did ur friends react?
Sadly, said SSBBG moved away over the summer after the first semester of 6th grade. I only had one really traumatic incident in junior high school the next semester, where some of the guys saw my despair at one fat girl giving me a glacial shoulder, surrounded me one day in the quad by the oak tree, and chanted "fat, fat, fat" at me, ending with her name. The whole situation embittered me, and I thus call 7th grade my mean year, where I pretty much hated and snapped at everyone, including the girl who had rejected me. The summer after this, I thought about it all and decided I was going to be a lover of fat girls full-bore and to hell with anyone else but them.

That. of course, was the rub: how best to say this to the fat girls themselves, already seeded with emotional mines set to go off at the mere mention of the word.

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How did ur parents react?
My mother was a bit perplexed at my sentiments, and I've had to train her pretty much my whole life. My father, bless him, was a gay Reichian humanist school psychotherapist who probably would have smashed a cop car window during Stonewall had he stayed in New York, so he was pretty cool about it. In fact for my going to college present he asked a BBW friend of his to give me a massage. I started massaging her back, and things soon led to a dark room in the house's periphery where I lost my virginity.

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How have u dealt with the stigma or the perception (incorrectly) that you may be dating big girls because u cant get a skinny girl? (i know this is incorrect..but i think sometimes people think that is why we date bigger girls).
Mostly just called the bull when I heard it.

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Additionally, when u are out an about..do and ur friends point out a skinny girl they find attractive and u dont..what do u saY?
"Yeah, I can see that, she looks nice". Of course if she is one of those skinny girls who still have the soft look, I'll mention that as well.

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Do u point out a fat girl that u find attractive and say "thats my type of girl"?
Definitely, I say, "A symphony to my eyes!"

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How open are u with ur preferences with people?
Extremely. Partly, I hope, to be an example to those like you who are still sussing these things out.

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Thanks, i am just looking for some advice/perspective. cheers
Anthony
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Old 12-20-2010, 05:42 PM   #13
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thanks for the replies gents. But how did u get to the point of "not caring". its easy to say...'i just dont care'...but how does one get there?
For me the answer is purely political. I consider hostility toward fat people as one element of the systematic program of fascism promoted by certain factions in this society which unfortunately make a whole lot of money and get a whole lot of social and media influence peddling terror and ugliness and misery. I consider the assertive expression of fat-positivity to be an act of insurrection against these.
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Old 12-20-2010, 07:58 PM   #14
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i am just wondering how the guys here came to terms with their preferences?
No big deal. I met my future wife when we were in 2nd grade so I came to terms with my preference before I even knew I had a preference.

How did ur friends react?
"You're weird." "And loving it."

How did ur parents react?
When my sweetie & I formally began to date in high school, my mother said she was unhealthy. My father said no son of his would date a fat girl, and he tried to break us up. He even called her mother to demand she keep her daughter away from me! I almost had a full-blown fist fight with my father. He probably could have trounced me, but I would have at least torn out a piece of him, so he backed down. My father constantly tried to persuade me to date a nice petite cutie, brain optional, but he no longer actively interfered. He did refuse to attend our wedding though, which was the last straw.

How have u dealt with the stigma or the perception (incorrectly) that you may be dating big girls because u cant get a skinny girl?
What stigma? I dated skinny girls too, but it didn't work out because our personalities didn't mesh.

Additionally, when u are out an about..do and ur friends point out a skinny girl they find attractive and u dont..what do u saY?
Yeah, she's cute.

Do u point out a fat girl that u find attractive and say "thats my type of girl"?
Sure.

How open are u with ur preferences with people?
I'm not in their face about it, but don't hide it either. Funny thing, I see many married couples of all kinds where the husband charges ahead and his poor wife tags along, as if he's afraid to be seen with her or wants to lose her in the crowd. I'm proud to be seen my supersize wife and gladly walk by her side.

But how did u get to the point of "not caring". its easy to say...'i just dont care'...but how does one get there?
I don't know and I don't care. I've always been an independent thinker, so having a fat girlfriend and later a fat wife was hardly my only non-mainstream choice.

It's not that I set out to date and marry a very fat girl, but rather that the right girl for me happened to be very fat. Great mind, wonderful personality, über-voluptuous package. Three for three!
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Old 12-20-2010, 08:17 PM   #15
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thanks for the replies gents. But how did u get to the point of "not caring". its easy to say...'i just dont care'...but how does one get there?
Why do you care so much what others think? Think of it this way, whatever social stigma you may feel being the guy that likes fat girls, is probably very miniscule compared to the stigma of being a fat girl.

Oh and there were times when a co worker has pointed out some skinny little thing, with mouth all adrool, I just said I don't know what he finds so sexy about those little toothpick legs of hers, apparently he liked that, but I have some little toothpick legs of my own that I don't find particularly sexy, lol.
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Old 12-20-2010, 08:57 PM   #16
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thanks for the replies gents. But how did u get to the point of "not caring". its easy to say...'i just dont care'...but how does one get there?
Think about it this way, do you care who your friends date ? If one of them dated a girl that wasn't up to your standards would you make fun of him or her ? I didn't hang out with a super cool group of guys and just having a girlfriend period was better than most of them could say for themselves. If they say something and you stand up and defend your preference they will leave you alone. If you act like you're trying to hide something they will never leave you alone, stand up and nip it in the bud.
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Old 12-20-2010, 09:33 PM   #17
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I've been an FA looooooooong before I first read the term here when I stumbled upon Dimensions sometime in 1995 or so (yes, I've been here a while) and I realized that's what I was.

I've never had any flack from my parents or friends. I am who I am.


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Old 12-21-2010, 02:49 AM   #18
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1. how the guys here have come to terms with that?
2. How did ur friends react?
3. How did ur parents react?
4. How have u dealt with the stigma or the perception (incorrectly) that you may be dating big girls because u cant get a skinny girl?
5. Additionally, when u are out an about..do and ur friends point out a skinny girl they find attractive and u dont..what do u saY?
6. Do u point out a fat girl that u find attractive and say "thats my type of girl"?
7.How open are u with ur preferences with people?
1. My whole life I've had tastes very, very different than just about anyone I know, in everything, from art to politics. I just recognized it as one other way in which the world around me and I were completely at odds.

2. The friends I've had have always recognized my (to them) eccentric values, tastes, and opinions, so I'm sure that they just took it as one more example of my being extreme.

3. Never really discussed it, but I'm sure they recognized it based on who I pursued. Traditional family, so such things weren't discussed. IMO, that's the way it should be.

4. Hah. That presumes that a person can actually get a big girl more easily than a skinny girl. I actually think the opposite is true. Seriously. I've had far more interest from underweight women than from curvy women.

5. I think you're asking what people say when a friend points out a skinny girl that he thinks is hot. I tell him he's crazy and that she looks like a famine victim. Truth.

6. Yes, but I don't use the term "fat," which is offensive and inaccurate. Also, I don't say, "thats my type of girl," but "That, on the other hand, is an actually attractive girl" (or words to that effect), to indicate the contrast with their choices.

7. I don't trumpet it, but I don't hide it. As open as I am with my tastes in politics, literature, art, etc., which is that I always try to influence those people with whom I come into contact to come around to my way of thinking.
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Old 12-21-2010, 08:34 AM   #19
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It is true, some people will judge you by your partner—the more widely desirable your partner is, presumably the harder it is to win their affection, and so that reflects on how desirable you are. And if you date someone that other people wouldn’t date if they were in your shoes, that highlights a difference in values between you, which makes you seem a little less familiar, a little less ‘one of us.’

The thing is that with your own behavior you can largely nip both of those things in the bud. It is in fact pretty easy, even natural, you just need some gumption, kind of a social double-or-nothing ploy.

With regard to the desirableness of your partner, it is very simple: you make it clear that you think she is extremely desirable and that you are very fortunate to have won her affections. Talk up all her good qualities, say how smitten you are with her, hug her and kiss her around family and friends, and generally leave no possibility that you settled for her and would prefer someone else.

Of course, that could just emphasize how different you are, but again it is very simple, emphasize the things that are in common with others. Don’t talk about how you love seeing her belly jiggle or how turned on you get at seeing her triple chin. Instead talk about her awesome curves, her great smile, how much fun you have, how she can kick your ass in some video game, the things she’s doing with her life, and so on. Emphasize the things that most people care about in their partner, and it will be clear that you are not really that different.

Yes, there might be a bit of resistance and a bit of probing, but so long as you keep up a very positive front, it probably won’t be that bad (yes, you could have a real jerk in your circle of family and friends who won’t let it go, but that can happen with anyone dating anyone. Jerks are jerks)
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Old 12-26-2010, 04:47 PM   #20
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Hi,

i am just wondering how the guys here came to terms with their preferences? I myself have known for a long time that i am mostly exclusively attracted to bbws/ssbbws and was wondering how the guys here have come to terms with that? How did ur friends react? How did ur parents react? How have u dealt with the stigma or the perception (incorrectly) that you may be dating big girls because u cant get a skinny girl? (i know this is incorrect..but i think sometimes people think that is why we date bigger girls). Additionally, when u are out an about..do and ur friends point out a skinny girl they find attractive and u dont..what do u saY? Do u point out a fat girl that u find attractive and say "thats my type of girl"? How open are u with ur preferences with people? Thanks, i am just looking for some advice/perspective. cheers
Anthony
Well, I did not have to do too much work to accept my FAness. I like all women but prefer larger women. Yes, there were those who had a problem with it, but I never lost any sleep over their issues. Honestly, self-acceptance comes with getting older and knowing that people are often going to attack you verbally instead of affirming you.





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Old 12-26-2010, 07:32 PM   #21
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thanks for the replies gents. But how did u get to the point of "not caring". its easy to say...'i just dont care'...but how does one get there?
I agree with what the other posters have said about this, but I want to add my $.02: the confidence to dismiss others' opinions when they run counter to your values is part of growing up, and it develops slowly out of the growth of your own character. When you're in your teens -- or even in your twenties -- you still haven't completely worked out who you are. This is especially true somewhere like the U.S., where you have considerable social mobility, freedom of religion, and a diverse population with many different views and values. The more people and ideas you encounter, the clearer it becomes which ones resonate with your own deepest feelings and beliefs. We humans are an imitative lot, and we are always looking to see how others react; this is natural. And you gradually get to the point where you know whose opinions matter to you and whose don't, sometimes so gradually that you're not aware of it until it's already happened. Stay tuned to Dims: there are a lot of fine people here who represent just about every background and intellectual position known to man: about all we have in common is a commitment to respect our common humanity (and certain aesthetic proclivities )
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Old 12-27-2010, 12:06 AM   #22
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Default Re: how did (guys) come to terms with ur FAness?

It was simple for me to come to terms with being an FA! I lived in a ghettto where all the little boys had BBWs in their families! When some little boy would say something against a 'woman of size', he immediately was chastized by the other boys. I did not deal with any sizable number of boys who did not like BBWs until I got to kindergarten but, I still had a several boys who felt like I did. I was just arrogant enough to refuse to go into the closet as the number of youngmen who did not like BBWs increased. When my family moved and later when I started dating, I was willing to get in the face of anyone who did not like the size of my first girlfriend. I have always been this way.

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I agree with what the other posters have said about this, but I want to add my $.02: the confidence to dismiss others' opinions when they run counter to your values is part of growing up, and it develops slowly out of the growth of your own character.
I fully agree with your position.
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Old 12-27-2010, 04:23 AM   #23
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Mildly off-topic, but I love these kinds of threads because I read-pronounce "FA-ness" as "eff anus," and I get some laughs from it because I'm an immature dork.
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Old 12-27-2010, 07:49 AM   #24
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i am just wondering how the guys here came to terms with their preferences?
I've always known that lots of men exist that have the same preference than I. I've always liked the idea to be the lover of a fat women.

How did ur friends react?
I've never got rude comments.

How did ur parents react?
They were happy that I'm not gay.

How have u dealt with the stigma or the perception (incorrectly) that you may be dating big girls because u cant get a skinny girl?
I tell everybody I like girls with boobs and butt.

Additionally, when u are out an about..do and ur friends point out a skinny girl they find attractive and u dont..what do u saY?
I agree, a skinny girl can be beautiful.

Do u point out a fat girl that u find attractive and say "thats my type of girl"?
Hmm, I'm married.

How open are u with ur preferences with people?
I'm married to a supersized BBW, everybody can see it.

But how did u get to the point of "not caring". its easy to say...'i just dont care'...but how does one get there?
I opened my eyes and saw a lot of fat-thin couples, so I knew fat admiration is ok.
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Old 12-27-2010, 08:44 AM   #25
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Default Re: how did (guys) come to terms with ur FAness?

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Do u point out a fat girl that u find attractive and say "thats my type of girl"?
Hmm, I'm married.
My wife oftens points out women for me to take a look at while we shop at a store!
I told her shortly after we got married forty-five years ago that, "a woman is as old as she looks but, a man isn't old until he stops looking!"
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