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Old 01-01-2011, 09:56 PM   #1
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Default What to do when someone's perving on your girl ?

Crystal and I went out for breakfast today and there was an incident.

Shortly after we were seated a fresh group was seated directly behind me. A few minutes after our food comes she tells me they guy behind me is staring at her and making her uncomfortable. I slide over and sit to where I would be blocking his view. We continue our meal but she says he is still looking at her, even leaning back in his seat to look around me. We finish our meal and I stand up and look directly at him, Crystal is still sitting down putting on her coat and he is glaring at her tits. I moved closer him him and said, "Hey, next time that will cost you a dollar." He knew he was busted and that I was pissed, but my straightforward approach left her feeling somewhat embarrassed.

So, what do you do when someone is blatantly perving on your girl ? This isn't the first time something like this has happened but usually its either so quick or so unexpected that a response isn't usually needed. Rarely in my presence has someone persisted in their skeeving with such gusto.
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Old 01-01-2011, 10:37 PM   #2
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Uh...I suggest instead of it costing him a dollar, you imply it might cost him several thousand...to repair his face after you're done with it?

Or perhaps if you're more of the peaceful kind, simply tell the person in a firm voice, to stop staring at your girlfriend.

I'm sure there are a variety of other ways you could have said it and still not embarrassed your girlfriend. I think what you said could have been improved, AND that you could have implied the same thing by turning around and glaring.

As for her being embarrassed...wouldn't you be embarrassed too if your girlfriend sold people a look at your crotch for only a buck a piece? Lucky I wasn't the guy staring, I'd have given you the dollar just to see what happened!
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Old 01-01-2011, 11:26 PM   #3
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To me the actual monetary amount wasn't important, I was just letting him know I knew what he had been doing. In a restaurant full of senior citizens I didn't want to sound threatening, just embarrass him in front of his tablemates. My wife is just embarrassed that I said anything at all, she still doesn't really get that people other than me can find her attractive and even more so for something like eating.
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Old 01-02-2011, 11:00 PM   #4
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Originally Posted by ZainTheInsane View Post
Uh...I suggest instead of it costing him a dollar, you imply it might cost him several thousand...to repair his face after you're done with it?

Or perhaps if you're more of the peaceful kind, simply tell the person in a firm voice, to stop staring at your girlfriend.
Holy overreaction, Batman. The latter seems unnecessarily confrontational; the first a ticket to an anger-management class.

The guy was just looking at her. I think Brian's comment was a good one, because it was humorous, especially if he told it in a humorous way.

Basically, I think that if the girl herself feels uncomfortable, then it warrants a remark of just the kind that was delivered, just a jocular comment that reminds the guy to mind some decorum. But if she doesn't feel bad about it, then maybe it's worth ignoring. No harm, no foul.

Again, unless I'm missing something, it sounds like he was just looking at her -- in a public place.
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Old 01-03-2011, 09:53 AM   #5
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He was making her uncomfortable and I had already went the passive route by sliding my chair over to block his view. I was trying to point out to him that he was leering in a way not acceptable in a public place.
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Old 01-03-2011, 10:02 AM   #6
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Eat them.

Head first.
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Old 01-03-2011, 10:03 AM   #7
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could you have switched seats with her?
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Old 01-03-2011, 10:11 AM   #8
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could you have switched seats with her?
I probably should have, she didn't tell me anything was going on until we were almost finished eating. Then after I had moved over she didn't say he was still trying to look around me. I was unaware of the true extent of the situation until we were ready to leave.
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Old 01-03-2011, 02:57 PM   #9
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As a "die hard" and proactive FA, when someone pervs my girl, I try to turn it into something positive about her.

This can be handled positively and may possibly give her a higher sense of self by pointing out that it is because she is so attractive that he is oggling her.

Someone who isn't attracted will not stare for longer than it takes to form the thought of revulsion and move on.

I have no way to ease the discomfort of being stared at but handling it in this manner will lend credence to your claim of her beauty. If she chooses to believe you and if it happens often enough and is reinforced, she may begin to stop listening to the little voice in her mind telling her that nobody else would find her attractive but you.

She was already uncomfortable. I will bet that she respects that you the man took care of business and stood up for her, however she also feels that by doing so you also drew more attention to an already awkward situation that she wanted so simply stop, the side affect of this was that you unwittingly and with good intention made an already uncomfortable situation moreso.

Next time try this: Handwrite a note stating simply "It is rude and inconsiderate to stare at my girlfriend, and disrespectful to me to do it in my presence.

Give it to him as you leave and let him explain it to his friends at the table, since if he was so obvious in his actions they will certainly take care of him for you, by their comments and ribbing at getting caught.

You have taken the high road.
No further attention is drawn to you or your girlfriend.
He knows he didn't get away with it.
You walk away and he gets hell from his friends embarrassing him for his own actions.

She still sees you as a man of action standing up for her.
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Old 01-03-2011, 04:30 PM   #10
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Nevermind.
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Old 01-03-2011, 04:47 PM   #11
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You know, I tend to try to assume the best about people on the first pass, so if I was in that situation I wouldn't even move closer, I would say with excellent annunciation:

Yes, I hope you find someone like my gal someday too!

That makes it clear I am standing up for her, but also acknowledges his longing to have the same good luck that I have found.
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Old 01-03-2011, 05:06 PM   #12
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If a man is staring at me in a restaurant and is as obvious as looking and moving around others to look at me, I will stand up and stare back. Sometimes I blow kisses. Sometimes I mouth 'fuck you' at them--it depends on my mood and how much I've had to drink. But, admittedly, that's me..no shy violet.

Brian, I don't think you did anything wrong. It's instinctive to want to protect your lady and it's probably instinctive that she felt that a fuss was made but was also probably relieved.

Writing a note IMO seems archaic not to mention pointless because it doesn't address terminating his behavior--she would still have to endure his staring (which is rude and not a reward for beauty), especially since the guy probably had no couth or manners and his buddies shaming him seems very unlikely. I have enough experience to know a lot of guys friends are often egging them on and would blow off the note.

Threatening violence could potentially cause harm so that would be a last resort if any...I'd prefer it to be handled with humor myself.
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Old 01-03-2011, 05:49 PM   #13
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If a man is staring at me in a restaurant and is as obvious as looking and moving around others to look at me, I will stand up and stare back. Sometimes I blow kisses. Sometimes I mouth 'fuck you' at them--it depends on my mood and how much I've had to drink. But, admittedly, that's me..no shy violet.

Brian, I don't think you did anything wrong. It's instinctive to want to protect your lady and it's probably instinctive that she felt that a fuss was made but was also probably relieved.

Writing a note IMO seems archaic not to mention pointless because it doesn't address terminating his behavior--she would still have to endure his staring (which is rude and not a reward for beauty), especially since the guy probably had no couth or manners and his buddies shaming him seems very unlikely. I have enough experience to know a lot of guys friends are often egging them on and would blow off the note.

Threatening violence could potentially cause harm so that would be a last resort if any...I'd prefer it to be handled with humor myself.
Wow... well hell I'm just going to stare back at you right now....
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Old 01-03-2011, 06:38 PM   #14
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I like Elfcats suggestion, thats very good.

I think I came off more like I was soliciting advice than I actually had intended too. I was really asking more what YOU have done in similar situations. It was late when I started this thread and my writing apparently suffered.
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Old 01-03-2011, 09:14 PM   #15
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The only thing I'd want my guy to do is laugh it off with me.
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Old 01-03-2011, 11:49 PM   #16
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This hasn't happened yet with Jackie, but how I've handled it in the past is to smugly point out that she's with me, not him, and will never be with him.

I can be an real ass when I want to be.
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Old 01-04-2011, 05:59 AM   #17
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Just wondering, did she have her tits almost out?

Like were they full on doin' the "look at me" dance?
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Old 01-04-2011, 11:19 AM   #18
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You know, one time when Kat and I were engaged, I remember now, she told me a very large African fellow pretty much asked her what a little man like me had to satisfy her... and she just looked back with a knowing smile and said he'd be surprised. <heheheh>
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Old 01-04-2011, 11:38 AM   #19
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Just wondering, did she have her tits almost out?

Like were they full on doin' the "look at me" dance?
No, she was very modestly dressed, more so than usual actually. Its difficult to completely hide H cup breasts but there was no skin on display. Either way that does not give him a right to ogle her in the manor he did.
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Old 01-04-2011, 02:38 PM   #20
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No, she was very modestly dressed, more so than usual actually. Its difficult to completely hide H cup breasts but there was no skin on display. Either way that does not give him a right to ogle her in the manor he did.
I was just asking. Cos' you know, we all have eyes and all react. If your partner, owner of said tits, felt uncomfy, why didn't she tell him to simply piss off, or pull his head in.
Instead of acting all uncomfy & making you save the day & compounding the issue. I don't get that damsel in distress shit at all. If she's got H cup tits, people gonna be looking no matter what, she better toughen up, it's a crazy world.
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Old 01-04-2011, 03:52 PM   #21
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I was just asking. Cos' you know, we all have eyes and all react. If your partner, owner of said tits, felt uncomfy, why didn't she tell him to simply piss off, or pull his head in.
Instead of acting all uncomfy & making you save the day & compounding the issue. I don't get that damsel in distress shit at all. If she's got H cup tits, people gonna be looking no matter what, she better toughen up, it's a crazy world.
So it would be wrong if she had B cups, but with H cups it's okay. Cuz, you know, boys will be boys.
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Old 01-04-2011, 04:03 PM   #22
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Noticing anything that is not what one sees everyday - understandable. When it's more than a glance - not at all OK.
I like the idea of asking the one who is uncomfortable if they need assistance in the matter...and respect if the answer is no...and having any assistance ( sounds so duel at sunrise..heh ) fit what is being done. Tuning into your loved one is much more important than going John Wayne and making a point.

While not a perving situation, my roomie ( and ex ) once had a car next to him nearly crash into his car. Three little punks, baseball caps askew, laughed and responded to J's ' wtf ' hand motions with some choice words. When the boys then made a comment about my weight, J asked, " may I please have some fun? ". I said, nope...not with me in the car.
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Old 01-04-2011, 04:10 PM   #23
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Hey, at least we're consistent.
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Old 01-04-2011, 04:38 PM   #24
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The proper move is always this:

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Old 01-04-2011, 05:31 PM   #25
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penguin has ascended what used to be the highest level.penguin has ascended what used to be the highest level.penguin has ascended what used to be the highest level.penguin has ascended what used to be the highest level.penguin has ascended what used to be the highest level.penguin has ascended what used to be the highest level.penguin has ascended what used to be the highest level.penguin has ascended what used to be the highest level.penguin has ascended what used to be the highest level.penguin has ascended what used to be the highest level.penguin has ascended what used to be the highest level.
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Originally Posted by The Orange Mage View Post
The proper move is always this:

Oh brilliant. I love that movie.
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