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Old 04-19-2011, 02:09 AM   #26
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Mmmmm Sounds like a reward for cheating!!!



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Old 04-19-2011, 09:28 AM   #27
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JohnWylde.

You are so right.

Pauline you have my full support no matter what you decided to do...
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Old 04-27-2011, 09:08 AM   #28
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Old 04-27-2011, 08:46 PM   #29
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Yes, there is a woman with whiskers & a square chin. Im trying not to hate her cuz it takes two, and he could have said no.
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Old 04-28-2011, 06:33 AM   #30
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Yes, there is a woman with whiskers & a square chin. Im trying not to hate her cuz it takes two, and he could have said no.
Don't hate her! He is the one who made the "commitment".
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Old 04-28-2011, 08:13 AM   #31
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That is heartbreaking Pauline. I'm so sorry he has done this to you.
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Old 04-28-2011, 09:29 AM   #32
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Yes, there is a woman with whiskers & a square chin. Im trying not to hate her cuz it takes two, and he could have said no.
Ah. Well I was hoping it wasn't true when you said you weren't saying he cheated and it was just a 'what if.' I'm sorry that it happened and I hope that a physical or financial dependence doesn't keep you from doing exactly what you want in this situation (whether that's wheeling out OR staying and working through it). Only you can know what's right for you and I hope you make a decision you can live with. We should all be able to trust our partners. Best of luck to you, Pauline.
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Old 04-28-2011, 10:28 AM   #33
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Yes, there is a woman with whiskers & a square chin. Im trying not to hate her cuz it takes two, and he could have said no.
I"m very sorry that this has happened, Paulee. {{{Hugs}}}
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Old 04-30-2011, 09:17 AM   #34
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I know how it feels Pauline- and you have my support in whatever you choose.
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Old 05-04-2011, 07:56 PM   #35
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I apologize in advance for the novel I'm about to write...

As others have said, it depends entirely on what YOU feel is right for YOU. It doesn't matter what I would do or what anyone else would do; it's practically impossible for me to forgive anybody. Other people have an easier time. I mean, I feel betrayed if my husband and I are sharing a drink and he downs the whole thing. I have a fit. Yeah, I'm awful. We're all individuals, relationships are all different, and nobody's experience is exactly the same as another's. That said...

You have to be as realistic as you can about your feelings for your husband - both before and after the "event." You have to figure out if what you have as a couple is strong enough to withstand the damage - if your relationship has a good foundation that has not eroded over time, and if you think it's ultimately worth it to keep trying and work through the difficulties. Sometimes we look at only the good, or only the bad. It's really easy to do... with any aspect of our lives, but especially with romantic relationships - more so the longer you're together. You can sit there, fixating on how much time you've spent (or wasted, depending on how bitter you're feeling), and not be able to wrap your mind around the thought of it ending. There's security in the familiar. There's comfort in sharing a past. Loved ones become an extension of your own life. But there's never an instance where staying with someone because you're afraid of being alone - WHEN it means living in misery and depression - is worth it. Living with someone can be so much more lonely than living alone. You have to realize that, and go from there. You have to determine if you CAN be happy with him, if you CAN get past it, or if you're only considering staying because it's scary, you're afraid to be alone, and you don't want to feel like you've wasted time - because if you stay for the wrong reasons and are truly unhappy, you ARE wasting time. Right?

Forgiving someone who has betrayed you is not impossible, but it's not easy. If you opt to forgive and forget, don't expect it to just disappear; it won't. No real betrayal of any kind (and I am not talking about the drink thing I mentioned before) does. Lying, cheating - you WILL remember them. They WILL pop into your head in the middle of the night, and you WILL feel the pain. I still feel pain from betrayals I suffered in relationships I've been out of for a decade or more! But then again, I hold on to things too long. That's just me.

Anyway, you have to remember that if you stay together, you're going to have trust issues. If you can work past it - if he can and will prove himself true over and over again for as long as it takes - then good for you. If your relationship is truly strong, and you have a great deal in common, sharing interests, desires, common goals, etc., then you have somewhere to start. If you really love each other - and you have to determine if your love can withstand the pain - then you have a chance. Just don't confuse comfort, happy memories, fear of change, etc., with love. That's also very, very easy to do.

If you want to assess your feelings, think about different scenarios and note your initial reactions. (Mental questions - I'm not asking you any of these. lol) How would you feel if something happened to your husband - injury, death, things like that? What does it feel like to imagine yourself with someone else? Does it feel wrong? It doesn't hurt to explore these things in your mind - take yourself out of your reality a little and see what your reactions are. If you could change anything you wanted in your life, if your life could be absolutely ideal, would your husband be in it still? Would he have been before what happened? Does what happened change your idea of an ideal life? Be honest with yourself and think about it.

I think we can justify just about anything if we really want to. We can reason it all out and make it seem okay - but emotions are not necessarily governed by logic. We can forgive in theory, but still be as bitter and angry and hurt as ever in reality. It's up to you to figure out whether you can get past the hurt, etc. - or not... and whether you want to.

Give yourself time, think and feel things through, and make sure that whatever choice you make, you make for YOU and you alone. Own your decision and don't let yourself be swayed by others who think they know what's best for you or what would best suit them. Your life is your own, and you have the right (and responsibility) to live it as you see fit.

Good luck, hugs, positive energy, etc., your way.
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Old 05-05-2011, 12:17 AM   #36
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What are the cirumstances?

Is this a one off?

or an ongoing affair?

how have things been going at home prior to this?

Have we both been to busy for each other?

I have no idea until faced with a problem how I would fully deal with it, it is easy however in any long term relationship to get into a comfortable rutt

I think before I said the end I would look at everything and why it happened. An ongoing affair I think would be far harder to forgive and I know that if I could move past cheating it would be a one off if it happened again that would be it

I do believe in second chances but it really is down to circumstance one off cheating or serial cheating?

a brief fling or a long term affair?

It is hard to say

I know that we are human and make mistakes I would hope that I am in a place where I could keep my partners interest and usually cheating is a sign that other things are wrong

I also would hope that I would not attract a cheater into my life however again without circumstances around what has happened very hard to say

I am probably less forgiving than I once was.

But at the same time I am also confident and secure within myself. All these things can take two people.

A one off incident I may be able to forgive and move past anything else especially if it was a sign that my partner and I had no sex life or there was something lacking I would look very long and hard at but more than likely say I would be better off on my own than putting up with that kind of thing.

Hmm ok so my answer is confusing I guess but it truly is so hard to know what I would do not having been in that position
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Old 05-05-2011, 12:40 AM   #37
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So sorry to hear that, Pauline. I hope you can find some comfort, whatever decision you choose to make.

Seavixen and Spiritangel gave some very good advice.
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Old 05-05-2011, 01:21 AM   #38
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All of you on here are wonderful! I feel some warm responses coming from people ive never met & its awesome! My story is so long to type out all here but im willing to discuss it with anyone personally as a way of therapy. Its hard to think of because i love him so much and i dont want to feel like im dissing him or talking bad about him, but this is a true situation that im dealing with...but with special circumstances to be explained later on a individual basis. I am paulee_anna on YIM or my email is pauleepotter@yahoo.com. Thank you everyone


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Old 05-05-2011, 05:02 AM   #39
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Well as a woman that has been thru this three times....(yes I said 3 times ), I can say that once a cheater, always a cheater. For every 1 other woman that you know about there is more tban likely several that you dont.

Why did I stay in a marriage for 15 years with a 3 time cheater? I l want to say it was for the kids sake, but thats not entirely true. Basically it was low self esteem. He had me beat down emotionally for years and I thought I couldnt make it on my own. With the help of loving family and friends I got the strength and courage to leave. It was the best thing Ive ever done and I dont regret it one bit. Yes already moved on and has someone else living with him. Its all her problem now. Let her deal with his drama.

Big hugs to you that you make the right decisions that is best for you.
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Old 06-01-2011, 05:39 AM   #40
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To the left to the left..everything you own in a box to the left..
I can have another you in a minute..as a matter of fact he'll be here in a minute..
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Old 06-02-2011, 06:07 AM   #41
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To the left to the left..everything you own in a box to the left..
I can have another you in a minute..as a matter of fact he'll be here in a minute..
I know it is not quite that simple but I agree with Princess 100%. Pauline, you can do better and you deserve better!

Hugs to you.
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