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Old 03-12-2011, 05:23 AM   #26
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Originally Posted by superodalisque View Post
i'm not talking about a little virtual section on dims but in real life over all. fat people need to live for real. that breaks down the suspicion more because it means that its not something that could be a a closeted thing for someone that only happens in someone's dark room at night in front of a screen where no one knows but them. its out in the open and in front of everyone. that makes a huge difference for fat people.

fat people do notice if people only feel comfortable dealing with them away from the general public eye. a lot of suspicions would melt if they felt they could trust someone to be with them anywhere doing anything with everyone in society looking. its easy to be social long distance safe in a room where you can turn something on and off or in a cloistered protected group, but what about when the pressure of society is an issue? fat folks have had enough of the secret fatty and only at fat events kinds of things. they want someone who'll travel the the world with them and not just a tiny dark corner of it. the lounge is great but its not what i'm talking about. its such a tiny non committal part of the big world a fat person has to navigate--and its not real. trust is built on things that are real. and even there i don't see our families and non fat friends being invited so they can lean more about how to be more accepting of us, our viewpoints and our needs.
Hmmm, so you're bashing on the closet cases again?
Do you get a lot of the closeted turning up to these secret fat events? I've only been to a couple. I was put off BGP on account of it being a pain to get to and from, v. expensive and terrible bloody music.
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Old 03-12-2011, 07:23 AM   #27
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Two weeks ago my wife told a woman that she had found my ad on a dating-site for big people. This was very confusing for this woman, she said to me: " But you'r not chubby, I think you'r really not chubby." *lol*
What I want to express is, inspite of 40 years of size acceptance (e.g. NAAFA) it is still unbelievable for most people that guys exist who are attracted to fatness.
And this society's ignorance of fat admiration is the cause of all these discussions in the Dimensions forums about what is fat admiration, a preference or fetish, is it ok to want exclusive a fat partner, does he/she love my fat or me, and so on. Therefore we'll need a site for FAs and fat people in future, too.
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Old 03-13-2011, 09:36 AM   #28
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Hmmm, so you're bashing on the closet cases again?
Do you get a lot of the closeted turning up to these secret fat events? I've only been to a couple. I was put off BGP on account of it being a pain to get to and from, v. expensive and terrible bloody music.
i'm not bashing . we were talking about what fat people need to feel secure and i'm just saying, open, public, natural and real relationships have a whole lot to do with it. its positive reinforcement and confidence building. if someone in the closet can't provide that, thats their deal they have to manage and its not necessarily something a fat person needs to be concerned with. its not a fat person's responsibility to make anyone feel comfortable with their desires or to worry about why someone is so uncomfortable with being seen with them when they are trying for personal growth.

closeted people do actually turn up at events quite often. they can blend in and feel the focus isn't on them so it could be a good exercise for them in how to finally get out there. its can be sort of midway between in and out. but there are a few who never graduate from the event school. they are the people who are not seen with fat people they desire outside of those events or off campus, so to speak. its not bashing to say that happens. its just reality. so as much as dims forums helps to a certain level it can also lead to real disappointments and disillusionment when the reality doesn't always live up to expectations. that in and of itself leads to a lot of the suspicious attitudes. its really easy to say stuff on the forums but much harder to live it out in reality. just saying if its real and not virtual it has a lot more power to make people feel positively.

most of the events are kinda like that Jos. most people who run events know they have a captive audience of people who might not be comfortable elsewhere so they'll tolerate less effort than another social event might. the first year i went to vegas it was really nice with different themes and different music every night. so everyone always got to do something they really enjoyed and got to see what their friends enjoyed too. people had a lot of fun seeing what costumes people showed up in. i imagine it was a lot of work every year. now they have the same old club music every night and its more geared to hook ups than just having fun. in short, it got very boring if you depended on the event to do anything but sell porn. i think participation went down because it just got too expensive in this economy to be bored.
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Old 03-13-2011, 09:45 AM   #29
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"its not a fat person's responsibility to make anyone feel comfortable with their desires."
"Stone cold" comes to mind. I mean, a partnership is all about supporting each other and making each other comfortable, loved and wanted. And we're treading on real thin ice when we begin preaching about "natural and real" relationships.
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Old 03-13-2011, 10:14 AM   #30
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"Stone cold" comes to mind. I mean, a partnership is all about supporting each other and making each other comfortable, loved and wanted. And we're treading on real thin ice when we begin preaching about "natural and real" relationships.
being supportive is not the same as being comfortable with something. i am very supportive of my many closeted friends. but i can't make myself responsible for their feeling bad about their attraction. THEY know their discomfort isn't right. THEY are trying to get over it. why should i think its alright? i'll never be comfortable with the fact that they feel having a relationship with me or someone like me out in public is such a drag on their life. sorry but its not going to happen. thats why i can love them and can be encouraging but i won't be in a relationship with them. i can't and won't be fully comfortable with something that would be saying that something is wrong with me being fat. and even worse i can't reinforce the feeling with them that somehow what they feel is right.

it does nothing to help them if i agree that i am somehow socially substandard. if anything saying and acting as if there is nothing wrong with me, which there isn't, gives them more strength to do what they have to do. confidence and security in myself , i have noticed, is catching. i can't enable my friends when it comes to their struggle because it might lead to them staying unhappy and not living out in the open. and if i understand as a fat person that i and my body are not a legitimate reason for anyone to feel bad about their attraction to me then that means i can be strong enough and have good enough self esteem to be secure no matter how someone else feels about himself and his attraction. in that way i am not responsible for or to his reaction to my fat reality. i'm the only one responsible for how i feel about myself.

when i say natural and real relationships i'm not talking about sexuality but relationships in the way of actually engaging with each other 100%. its not preaching when when people expect folks who are attracted to them or love them to show it. relationships are not something that only happens sometimes when its socially safe. its out in the open and public that we care for one another. if someone can't show that, no matter their sexuality, its very natural for them to be doubted. no one trusts anyone who doesn't live up to their rhetoric.

fat people can't feel it is somehow their fault that someone is in the closet. its not. usually people with that issue have problems in other areas of their life. their issue is mastering social fear. and that has nothing to do with the fact that some of us are fat. we shouldn't take it as though the closet is deserved because its not. its not deserved for the fat person or the person who adores someone who is fat.
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Old 03-13-2011, 01:09 PM   #31
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I have a take.

Last night I appeared on a bill at an Irish music festival with about 20 other performers, one after another, at a venue in Manhattan which grew increasingly packed as the night wore on. The woman who went on before me was but 19 years old and strikingly beautiful---meaning, in this context, symmetrical features, shiny black hair, glowing skin, curvy, feminine figure, and very sweet. All by herself, she was, too, no entourage.

We both did our songs and hung out next to the stage watching the show, behind the rope separating the performers from the audience. Since it was a good-time, high energy Irish bash, we started dancing around separately, then she bumped into me, we smiled at each other and danced together, spinning around for one song, then went back to watching the show.

I looked up and saw 10 men in the audience at the front of the stage, all looking at this young woman, all of them with longing in their eyes, especially two men nearest us.

The two men had an energy that said, "Please. Please notice me, young lady. I don't know what to do. I don't know what to say. You are so beautiful and I want to say hello. Instead, I am going to freeze, and stay over here. Perhaps after another beer." They also looked at me---"Why is she dancing with HIM? How did he accomplish that?" I knew that look---I have felt what I saw in their eyes. They weren't drunks or oddballs---they were grown men, some of them handsome---and they were paralyzed. Mesmerized, perhaps.

"Hello" takes every scrap of courage I have sometimes, and I assume it's the same for other men. How many times in my life have I approached a woman and she pretends she doesn't hear me or that I don't exist and I feel humiliated? A few. How long did it take me to say hello to that girl I silently adored in high school? (Answer: 2 years.) How long did it take me to ask my wife to marry me after I'd bought the ring, for fear she might say "No?" (6 months.)

This is why men are in the corner, regardless of the weight factor. We've had our hearts broken and we're trying not to let it happen again. (Women get them broken, too, naturally.) We're in the corner trying to figure out what we might say if we went up to someone we were attracted to, something to say that won't result in a woman rolling her eyes and walking away, or her thinking we're creepy or weird. And we stand there thinking about it, and we get weirder and weirder! Finally we leave, sighing on the way out.

Sex and relationships--our families, our friends, our romances---are a deeply primal topic, complicated and ever-changing. Add fat admiration to that, and it gets even more complicated.

But always interesting!
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Old 03-14-2011, 07:46 AM   #32
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I have a take.

Last night I appeared on a bill at an Irish music festival with about 20 other performers, one after another, at a venue in Manhattan which grew increasingly packed as the night wore on. The woman who went on before me was but 19 years old and strikingly beautiful---meaning, in this context, symmetrical features, shiny black hair, glowing skin, curvy, feminine figure, and very sweet. All by herself, she was, too, no entourage.

We both did our songs and hung out next to the stage watching the show, behind the rope separating the performers from the audience. Since it was a good-time, high energy Irish bash, we started dancing around separately, then she bumped into me, we smiled at each other and danced together, spinning around for one song, then went back to watching the show.

I looked up and saw 10 men in the audience at the front of the stage, all looking at this young woman, all of them with longing in their eyes, especially two men nearest us.

The two men had an energy that said, "Please. Please notice me, young lady. I don't know what to do. I don't know what to say. You are so beautiful and I want to say hello. Instead, I am going to freeze, and stay over here. Perhaps after another beer." They also looked at me---"Why is she dancing with HIM? How did he accomplish that?"
Hah! Fools! It's easy! You got up and played! Ladies love the musicians! They notice us for a start!

This is a big reason why I've not got anyone over here, there's no-where to bloody play! Thanks to the bloody mayor / police taking away all the live music licences.

Quote:
I knew that look---I have felt what I saw in their eyes. They weren't drunks or oddballs---they were grown men, some of them handsome---and they were paralyzed. Mesmerized, perhaps.

"Hello" takes every scrap of courage I have sometimes, and I assume it's the same for other men.
How many times in my life have I approached a woman and she pretends she doesn't hear me or that I don't exist and I feel humiliated? A few. How long did it take me to say hello to that girl I silently adored in high school? (Answer: 2 years.) How long did it take me to ask my wife to marry me after I'd bought the ring, for fear she might say "No?" (6 months.)

This is why men are in the corner, regardless of the weight factor. We've had our hearts broken and we're trying not to let it happen again. (Women get them broken, too, naturally.) We're in the corner trying to figure out what we might say if we went up to someone we were attracted to, something to say that won't result in a woman rolling her eyes and walking away, or her thinking we're creepy or weird. And we stand there thinking about it, and we get weirder and weirder! Finally we leave, sighing on the way out.

Sex and relationships--our families, our friends, our romances---are a deeply primal topic, complicated and ever-changing. Add fat admiration to that, and it gets even more complicated.

But always interesting!

^Yeah, we've all been there. The key to just going and saying "Hi" is to do it the first time the opportunity presents, don't wait and build up your hopes, don't think about it. Also, try not to give a shit whether you get blown off or not, don't stake any part of your self-esteem on it. It's almost always outside your control, assuming you don't vomit all over yourself of something. If she's aware of what's going on around her, she's probably already decided yay or nay in her head before you even approach. Relax.

Way back when*, before I got with my first BBW gf and I just used to date pretty much whoever (which wasn't ideal, but what the hell) I always used to just "put the eyes out" and wait for "the look" in response. Once a girl looked at me like that all I had to do was walk over and say "hi" (once, not even that, hehehe) and it was ON. This was great! because once I learned to read the way a girl looked at me, I already knew "yes" or "no" before approaching. Woohoo!

(*when I was young, dumb and pretty)

Unluckily this FAILS with most BBWs in most social settings (pubs, clubs not BBW events) certainly in the UK, cos most of them assume that no-one fancies them and are not making eye contact with guys. Meanwhile the skinny girls are.

Oh, although it was tough before, now that women have mobile phones with bloody cameras on them it's much, much worse - cos women spend a disproportionate amount of "eye time" in the pub / club fiddling with their phones, texting and taking pictures of each other every 10seconds. It's huge pain in the bum, if you're trying to catch someone's eye.

Oh, waiting for "the look" also fails epically when the girl is short sighted, and from a distance you just look like a fuzzy blob. Lolz!
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Old 03-18-2011, 03:43 PM   #33
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Hah! Fools! It's easy! You got up and played! Ladies love the musicians! They notice us for a start!

This is a big reason why I've not got anyone over here, there's no-where to bloody play! Thanks to the bloody mayor / police taking away all the live music licences.




^Yeah, we've all been there. The key to just going and saying "Hi" is to do it the first time the opportunity presents, don't wait and build up your hopes, don't think about it. Also, try not to give a shit whether you get blown off or not, don't stake any part of your self-esteem on it. It's almost always outside your control, assuming you don't vomit all over yourself of something. If she's aware of what's going on around her, she's probably already decided yay or nay in her head before you even approach. Relax.

Way back when*, before I got with my first BBW gf and I just used to date pretty much whoever (which wasn't ideal, but what the hell) I always used to just "put the eyes out" and wait for "the look" in response. Once a girl looked at me like that all I had to do was walk over and say "hi" (once, not even that, hehehe) and it was ON. This was great! because once I learned to read the way a girl looked at me, I already knew "yes" or "no" before approaching. Woohoo!

(*when I was young, dumb and pretty)

Unluckily this FAILS with most BBWs in most social settings (pubs, clubs not BBW events) certainly in the UK, cos most of them assume that no-one fancies them and are not making eye contact with guys. Meanwhile the skinny girls are.

Oh, although it was tough before, now that women have mobile phones with bloody cameras on them it's much, much worse - cos women spend a disproportionate amount of "eye time" in the pub / club fiddling with their phones, texting and taking pictures of each other every 10seconds. It's huge pain in the bum, if you're trying to catch someone's eye.

Oh, waiting for "the look" also fails epically when the girl is short sighted, and from a distance you just look like a fuzzy blob. Lolz!
with a fat girl i think the thing that works the best is real acts of kindness. that makes them feel more secure. a look or a compliment often doesn't work on people who've been brainwashed into feeling like they aren't attractive. so for a fat woman the idea that you actually like them as a person can really get your foot in and open her up to more from you. unfortunately you guys are attracted to tough nuts to crack so you can not wait around for her to make all of the moves. you've gotta be bold if your not, get set to get passed by. people often seem to want to sleep with a fat girl but they don't often make the effort to actually be nice, so effort is everything. that means how you dress , what you say , what you do and how you do it.

also don't assume that every fat woman you meet is available, which in my experience, people often tend to. just because i don't splash my relationship all over my facebook or something doesn't mean i don't have one. a guy might not be ignored because he's not believed or found attractive but sometimes she is just otherwise engaged.
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Old 03-18-2011, 03:53 PM   #34
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with a fat girl i think the thing that works the best is real acts of kindness. that makes them feel more secure. a look or a compliment often doesn't work on people who've been brainwashed into feeling like they aren't attractive. so for a fat woman the idea that you actually like them as a person can really get your foot in and open her up to more from you. people often seem to want to sleep with a fat girl but they don't often make the effort to actually be nice. also don't assume that every fat woman you meet is available, which in my experience, people often tend to. a guy might not be ignored because he's not believed but sometimes she is just otherwise engaged.
Ah, you're missing my point. You're talking about how to get someone to open up to you AFTER they have noticed that you exist, and also about how to build / maintain rapport / trust.

I'm talking about BBWs being completely shut down as to the men around them, from the POV of attraction, in "normal" dating environments e.g. "normal" bars. She's not looking around like her skinny friends are.

A guy has to "socially bulldoze" in just to get her to look up from her damn phone, so he's going in without the "all clear" of the Look, or body language, and is therefore waaaaay more likely to get shot down.

It's the very initial "opening contact" that I'm talking about.
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Old 03-18-2011, 04:01 PM   #35
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Ah, you're missing my point. You're talking about how to get someone to open up to you AFTER they have noticed you, and also about how to build / maintain rapport.

I'm talking about BBWs being completely shut down as to the men around them, from the POV of attraction, in "normal" dating environments e.g. "normal" bars.
She's not looking around like her skinny friends are.

A guy has to virtually "socially bulldoze" in just to get her to look up from her damn phone, so he's going in without the "all clear" of the Look, or body language, and is therefore waaaaay more likely to get shot down.

It's the very initial "opening contact" that I'm talking about.
nope, i'm talking about how you get them to notice you. its not exactly always going to be the same with fat girls as it is with everyone else all of the time. expecting them to react the way other women do at all times, to very subtle signs, might not necessarily work since in normal bars quite a few feel ignored and marginalized. they might think you're just like everyone else since no one walks around with a big sign saying "I'm an FA" on his chest. you forget that fat women might not always be sure of your signs. thats why you need to be really obvious in a polite way. its important for you to be generally kind as well because there are so many hoggers about these days lusting after fat women while pretending to their friends that its only a game. so if you go the gradual route she is more likely to get it. a few seconds and a look won't get you much of anywhere with a whole lot of people if you keep going that route. say hi. start a conversation no matter what she is doing with her phone. get her number. and most of all follow up. its no good saying you like her and letting her know you think she is pretty if you never call, keep in touch or ask her out. in order to really meet fat women, if you are very shy, you really must work at getting over that.
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Old 03-19-2011, 04:51 AM   #36
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nope, i'm talking about how you get them to notice you. its not exactly always going to be the same with fat girls as it is with everyone else all of the time. expecting them to react the way other women do at all times, to very subtle signs, might not necessarily work since in normal bars quite a few feel ignored and marginalized. they might think you're just like everyone else since no one walks around with a big sign saying "I'm an FA" on his chest. you forget that fat women might not always be sure of your signs. thats why you need to be really obvious in a polite way. its important for you to be generally kind as well because there are so many hoggers about these days lusting after fat women while pretending to their friends that its only a game. so if you go the gradual route she is more likely to get it. a few seconds and a look won't get you much of anywhere with a whole lot of people if you keep going that route.
In a bar or club that's all the time / focus you usually get, to establish that first "You are OK to come over and talk to me" signal, even when a girl IS looking around her / for a guy.

Quote:
say hi. start a conversation no matter what she is doing with her phone.
^THIS is the "social bulldozer". You are going in "cold" - she has not noticed you before, she has not preselected you. Any man approaching before eye-contact has been made has a much, much higher chance of being rejected straight away. Cos you are "butting in", you are more likely to be seen as a "botherer".

What's more you'll probably have to elbow your way through a circle of skinny friends - who will employ extreme cock block against you. From the POV of those skinny chicks their BBW friend is there to:
a) be their shoulder-to-cry-on / confidant to their drunken drama queening / attention whoring (looook at MEEEEEEE!)
b) security - when guys they don't want offer unwelcome attention in a pushy way
c) designated driver
d) make them look thinner by contrast
^that circle of skinny chicks resents ANY man who might threaten to occupy the attention of their BBW friend and thus leave them un-crutched to deal with their own egos / issues / messes / dramas.

Quote:
get her number. and most of all follow up. its no good saying you like her and letting her know you think she is pretty if you never call, keep in touch or ask her out. in order to really meet fat women, if you are very shy, you really must work at getting over that.
^Seriously. I am not a shy guy, and I find it tough going. The last time I tried the "social bulldozer" the BBW was quite happy to chat with me (in my second language, no less), but I got mass cockblocked by no less than four skinny "friends" of the BBW, they virtually dragged her out of the club!!!

(I'd just like to take a moment to curse flash-camera-phones and their constant use. One girl took a pic of the two of us with such, and who ever looks good on 90% of those pics? and then seized the BBW - as far as I could make out she was making a huuuge deal that I have some grey hair. Fucksake.)

It didn't help that my designated wingmen failed epically in the routine task of occupying the skinny girls attention. *sigh*

Anyhoo:

Face it SuperO, you're talking about how you like guys (that you're attracted to) to behave after the initial bar-contact is a done deal. You have ZERO experience of being a man trying to get / hold the romantic attention of a BBW in a badly-lit, noisy bar / pub / club while her skinny "friends" run a cockblock.

It's brutal out there.
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Old 03-19-2011, 08:15 AM   #37
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Face it SuperO, you're talking about how you like guys (that you're attracted to) to behave after the initial bar-contact is a done deal. You have ZERO experience of being a man trying to get / hold the romantic attention of a BBW in a badly-lit, noisy bar / pub / club while her skinny "friends" run a cockblock.

It's brutal out there.
Sounds like those girls were bitches. My friends wouldn't stop me from talking to someone I wanted to talk to, though they'd check to see I was okay and was happy with the situation.
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Old 03-19-2011, 08:23 AM   #38
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Sounds like those girls were bitches.
There seems to be an oversupply of these, hovvering around the BBWs I'm interested in!

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My friends wouldn't stop me from talking to someone I wanted to talk to, though they'd check to see I was okay and was happy with the situation.
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Old 03-19-2011, 08:28 AM   #39
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There seems to be an oversupply of these, hovvering around the BBWs I'm interested in!
Maybe it's time to change it up! Go for someone different.

From the movie Straight Talk (with Dolly Parton):

'Dr.' Shirlee Kenyon: Its like your allergic to cornflakes so you start to buy different stuff like a can of peas but when you open up the can of the peas, inside cornflakes, so you pick a TV dinner and open it up and cornflakes.
Jack Russell: So what does that mean?
'Dr.' Shirlee Kenyon: The girls you go out with... outside all different packages but inside... cornflakes.
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Old 03-20-2011, 06:24 PM   #40
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I really need to ask that we get back on topic, FA and Fat People, FA/FFA perspective and how that is seen, felt, or otherwise in relation to the FA/FFA perspective. If you feel you have something to add from another vantage point, the Main Board would be good place for a thread.

Thanks!
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Old 03-25-2011, 10:14 AM   #41
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In a bar or club that's all the time / focus you usually get, to establish that first "You are OK to come over and talk to me" signal, even when a girl IS looking around her / for a guy.



^THIS is the "social bulldozer". You are going in "cold" - she has not noticed you before, she has not preselected you. Any man approaching before eye-contact has been made has a much, much higher chance of being rejected straight away. Cos you are "butting in", you are more likely to be seen as a "botherer".

What's more you'll probably have to elbow your way through a circle of skinny friends - who will employ extreme cock block against you. From the POV of those skinny chicks their BBW friend is there to:
a) be their shoulder-to-cry-on / confidant to their drunken drama queening / attention whoring (looook at MEEEEEEE!)
b) security - when guys they don't want offer unwelcome attention in a pushy way
c) designated driver
d) make them look thinner by contrast
^that circle of skinny chicks resents ANY man who might threaten to occupy the attention of their BBW friend and thus leave them un-crutched to deal with their own egos / issues / messes / dramas.



^Seriously. I am not a shy guy, and I find it tough going. The last time I tried the "social bulldozer" the BBW was quite happy to chat with me (in my second language, no less), but I got mass cockblocked by no less than four skinny "friends" of the BBW, they virtually dragged her out of the club!!!

(I'd just like to take a moment to curse flash-camera-phones and their constant use. One girl took a pic of the two of us with such, and who ever looks good on 90% of those pics? and then seized the BBW - as far as I could make out she was making a huuuge deal that I have some grey hair. Fucksake.)

It didn't help that my designated wingmen failed epically in the routine task of occupying the skinny girls attention. *sigh*

Anyhoo:

Face it SuperO, you're talking about how you like guys (that you're attracted to) to behave after the initial bar-contact is a done deal. You have ZERO experience of being a man trying to get / hold the romantic attention of a BBW in a badly-lit, noisy bar / pub / club while her skinny "friends" run a cockblock.

It's brutal out there.
your right, i'm NOT a man. and also i AM talking about how i like men to approach me. but then again, i AM a BBW--just trying to help out.
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Old 03-27-2011, 04:42 AM   #42
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...

It's almost half a century later, and in many ways nothing has changed. When I look at many threads and posts here at Dimensions, the topic is how physical attraction shouldn't matter, that it's the inside that counts, that seeking fatness or certain attributes is just a fetish, and so on.

That's really sad. It's also one of the main reasons why I started Dimensions all those decades ago, to help fat people and their admirers learn about each other and find each other. I have always felt that as long as there are fat people and those who seek and admire them, bringing those groups together made for a potential match made in heaven. And I still feel that way.

...
Actually I think things have changed quite a lot -- and for the better. When I was in high school in the late 70s and early 80s fat kids were total social outcasts (lucky I was in one of my sort of thin phases during those years). The fat girls didn't go to school dances or parties. The fattest girls were forced to were stretch polyester pants because there wasn't anything else available.

Fast forward thirty years and things have changed. My oldest daughter (21) has a very active social life despite being a large BBW -- she went to her prom and has no problem finding nice things to wear thanks to stores like Torrid that didn't exist thirty years ago. My second oldest daughter (16) is a bit chubby and likewise is very active socially -- its almost impossible to keep that girl home. Both of them have multiple male friends who are out FAs.

And I don't think my daughters are unique. When I'm at the mall or movie theater or just driving or walking around I see way more fat young people out with there friends and/or dates.

Things are far from perfect but overall it seems to me that things have improved for fat people (particularly fat girls and women) over the last thirty years.
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Old 03-27-2011, 06:01 AM   #43
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I really need to ask that we get back on topic, FA and Fat People, FA/FFA perspective and how that is seen, felt, or otherwise in relation to the FA/FFA perspective. If you feel you have something to add from another vantage point, the Main Board would be good place for a thread.

Thanks!
I haven't posted for 2 or 3 months, but this might be worth sharing. After 31+ years of marriage and 45+ years since we met in second grade, there's no question in my mind that this FA found his perfect match and she happened to be a supersized woman. My wife and I just spent a few days in Santa Fe, New Mexico. The La Fonda hotel downtown has plenty of atmosphere but it's not very fat friendly. Elevators are few and far between, and there are stairs everywhere. Four steps here, eight steps there, very annoying on so many levels (literally). Naturally as a dedicated FA I look out for my wife's needs. So I moved us of that trendy hotel and into a Holiday Inn Express where the amenities much more convenient. The rest of our stay was much better. Yes, we are the perfect match.
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Old 03-31-2011, 09:32 AM   #44
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I keep looking at the thread title and thinking, "All too often is the fat person the unwilling participant of the (F)FA's sexual attraction/fantasies." =\
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Old 03-31-2011, 01:04 PM   #45
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I keep looking at the thread title and thinking, "All too often is the fat person the unwilling participant of the (F)FA's sexual attraction/fantasies." =\
I think that's probably the most negative interpretation possible.

When two people find each other, AND they get along and have a wonderful relationship, AND it's admiration and thrill mind, body and soul... I really don't see a downside to that.
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Old 03-31-2011, 04:17 PM   #46
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I keep looking at the thread title and thinking, "All too often is the fat person the unwilling participant of the (F)FA's sexual attraction/fantasies." =\
Change your signature for starters......
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Old 03-31-2011, 04:43 PM   #47
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being a man trying to get / hold the romantic attention of a BBW in a badly-lit, noisy bar / pub / club while her skinny "friends" run a cockblock.

It's brutal out there.

Jos: it certainly is brutal out there- how has other avenues been at meeting BBW...


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your right, i'm NOT a man. and also i AM talking about how i like men to approach me. but then again, i AM a BBW--just trying to help out.
SuperO: then ... you do have the rare sort of lucky guy that BBW have no problem approaching them... But, each person is different and it boild down to men also being evaluated by their physical appearence if they can even make it to the introduction....

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Actually I think things have changed quite a lot -- and for the better. When I was in high school in the late 70s and early 80s fat kids were total social outcasts (lucky I was in one of my sort of thin phases during those years). The fat girls didn't go to school dances or parties. The fattest girls were forced to were stretch polyester pants because there wasn't anything else available.

Fast forward thirty years and things have changed. My oldest daughter (21) has a very active social life despite being a large BBW -- she went to her prom and has no problem finding nice things to wear thanks to stores like Torrid that didn't exist thirty years ago. My second oldest daughter (16) is a bit chubby and likewise is very active socially -- its almost impossible to keep that girl home. Both of them have multiple male friends who are out FAs.

And I don't think my daughters are unique. When I'm at the mall or movie theater or just driving or walking around I see way more fat young people out with there friends and/or dates.

Things are far from perfect but overall it seems to me that things have improved for fat people (particularly fat girls and women) over the last thirty years.
BigMac: things are far from perfect- but, thankfully there are more choices for Large folks to participate in


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I think that's probably the most negative interpretation possible.

When two people find each other, AND they get along and have a wonderful relationship, AND it's admiration and thrill mind, body and soul... I really don't see a downside to that.
Conrad: that's gold when that happens.....
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Old 03-31-2011, 04:57 PM   #48
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Jos:


SuperO: then ... you do have the rare sort of lucky guy that BBW have no problem approaching them... But, each person is different and it boild down to men also being evaluated by their physical appearence if they can even make it to the introduction....
nope, i'm not so sure he is that attracted to women who'd approach him aggressively even though they do. i'm pretty old fashioned and not the type to go after anyone tooth and nail. i'm open and i flirt but i'm not at all aggressive that way. that might be partly what he was attracted to.

its just like what guys say about women. its just very attractive to me when someone is confident in who he is and feels attractive and likable. it makes it easier and more relaxing for me. if he is the type who is easily scared away and needs a lot of coaxing i just have an instinctive reaction not to be that interested--just saying. it might be a biological thing not to be attracted to someone who finds it so hard to go after what he likes. maybe some women are wired for the strong outspoken type because we feel more protected around someone like that.
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Old 03-31-2011, 05:03 PM   #49
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snip/ its just very attractive to me when someone is confident in who he is and feels attractive and likable. it makes it easier and more relaxing for me. if he is the type who is easily scared away and needs a lot of coaxing i just have an instinctive reaction not to be that interested--just saying.
I'm the same way. I don't have the temperament to do what I consider babying or coddling when another woman doesn't see it that way and might really enjoy chasing or winning the guy over. Also, he has to have as much if not more confidence than me or it's a complete turn-off.
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Old 03-31-2011, 06:24 PM   #50
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I'm the same way. I don't have the temperament to do what I consider babying or coddling when another woman doesn't see it that way and might really enjoy chasing or winning the guy over. Also, he has to have as much if not more confidence than me or it's a complete turn-off.
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nope, i'm not so sure he is that attracted to women who'd approach him aggressively even though they do. i'm pretty old fashioned and not the type to go after anyone tooth and nail. i'm open and i flirt but i'm not at all aggressive that way. that might be partly what he was attracted to.

its just like what guys say about women. its just very attractive to me when someone is confident in who he is and feels attractive and likable. it makes it easier and more relaxing for me. if he is the type who is easily scared away and needs a lot of coaxing i just have an instinctive reaction not to be that interested--just saying. it might be a biological thing not to be attracted to someone who finds it so hard to go after what he likes. maybe some women are wired for the strong outspoken type because we feel more protected around someone like that.

It's part of that journey in feeling that you have self worth - the ability to laugh at yourself - have no self doubt or pity and to recognize your worth.
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