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Old 03-25-2011, 08:22 PM   #51
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I know it's not the intent of the thread, but it makes me a bit sad and jealous. It's never been easy for me, and has become harder over the years due to trust issues...and finding someone who doesn't get frustrated with that is next to impossible.
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Old 03-25-2011, 08:33 PM   #52
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I know it's not the intent of the thread, but it makes me a bit sad and jealous. It's never been easy for me, and has become harder over the years due to trust issues...and finding someone who doesn't get frustrated with that is next to impossible.
I know it's never been easy for you but is it easier for you to have one on your own masturbating? Was it always like that?

I know the worst joykill for me is an impatient lover. As unbelievably easy as it is for me to orgasm, that alone is probably the only thing that will prevent me from having one.
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Old 03-25-2011, 08:46 PM   #53
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I know it's never been easy for you but is it easier for you to have one on your own masturbating? Was it always like that?

I know the worst joykill for me is an impatient lover. As unbelievably easy as it is for me to orgasm, that alone is probably the only thing that will prevent me from having one.
No I think I'm almost afraid of it. It's about being vulnerable, letting go and trusting. I get to Almost There just fine, but it's like I run into a brick wall that I can't get around. It got really difficult when I was with my ex (because of shit he pulled that I won't go into), and well, it's been about ten years of only getting to Almost. I still love sex, I still love trying, but sometimes it feels like I've almost been conditioned to not try with a partner. I don't need someone getting frustrated or disappointed with me if I can't, or being put out if I get upset about it. And I find it really hard to talk about (writing about it here is incredibly hard), because, well, it makes me feel like a failure as a woman. Which is ridiculous, I know. But, it does. I've been thinking about it a lot lately, and I'm trying to work through it myself, but it's just so hard.
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Old 03-26-2011, 12:36 PM   #54
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I searched and didn't find a similar thread, so I'm starting this one. Correct me if I'm wrong and there's really one out there.

This is kind of a personal topic, but I wanted to share and start a discussion about this.

I'm 23 and have been sexually active for several years now. I just had my first orgasm, however, last week. Alone in my bed, which I always figured would be the case. I've had 4 more since and its my new favorite hobby.

But anywho, I'm curious what your experience was. How old were you? Were you alone? Did you use any toys? Any advice for a newcomer? (Did ya catch that? I'm so punny.)

This one's just for the ladies. Sorry fellas.

Ok, the 1st orgasm I had I received from an older woman I had a tremendous crush on and I eventually confessed to her after school one September afternoon in '87. Yes, she was a teacher at another school I sometimes attended for advanced courses. I was aware of the risk & the firestorm that could come from it if it got out. She could lose everything & g0d only knows what my parents would've done to/ with me. But I only wanted to confess to her, never expecting or wanting anything from her. I'd had the feeling for well over a year. She had a stern expression and pulled me to the side in one of the vacant classrooms. She lectured me as she sat me down and she towered over me [She was leggy & had sandy blonde short hair. 6'1" without heels. She wore stilettos every day to school!]. I was ashamed and on the verge of tears as she continued, getting in my face, "This is between you, me and that dusty chalk board!". I said, "yes, ma'am" and I was about to get up and she gently pushed me back onto the stool. She kissed me. A full on lip kiss! I was about to freak out my mind was racing fearing another teacher or the custodian would discover us. She slipped me the tongue and caressed me 'E' cup breasts; much much larger than her 'Fiji apple' tits. My arms were at my sides still and unflinching. I was in shock, but my nipples hardened and I know my clit swelled. I could kinda feel something going on because I felt breathless, flustered and hot.

She slowly pulled away and whispered a question in my ear, "What size bra do you wear?"
I always tore off the itchy tags but guessed an 'E' cup. She squeezed both and moaned quietly. slid her hands under my blouse and my bra cups until I felt her peach painted nails tweaking my nips as she stared at me, searching my eyes for pleasurable reactions to her touch. I gripped the stool w/ both hands as though I'd fall off. I just recall breathing hard and trying to suppress and sound. But she had me. I honestly believe I came once she boldly guided my nipple to her mouth. I lost it. That was the first orgasm I ever had.

I think she got off on many things abt me. We negotiated times we'd meet, where, what time. I'd go to her home on weekends. She was one of the longest relationships I ever had. We mutually ended it when I was 19. We had double jeopardy because she was steadily dating a male teacher at my school. Danger! Danger, Will Robinson!!! He never found out. By the time I turned 20 she moved out of state. Got a better paying gig as a professor. I was genuinely happy for her. She was brilliant.



Now I'm gonna put it in the way 'Sophia' on the Golden Girls would state it [LOL]. This is the 1st time I ever had an orgasm whilst getting myself off.

Picture it, me in 1987 winter/ Christmas break. Its late in the afternoon a full figured, undateable, female adolescent is lying on her hideous Crayola pale green painted bed and fumbling under her botched D+ pillows that she made in home ec. class, which she hates. Her ill fitting one-size-doesn't-fit-all, Frankie Says RELAX tee shirt rolls upward around her, um, rolls. She searches under her pillows for small, naughty, digest sized magazines that she shoplifted from a strip mall magazine shop by hiding them in issues of Seventeen, Vogue and Elle; praying she wouldn't get busted if they slid out. Inside all of the smut, the pics and text are in black and white and gray, and adverts promoting subscription details, Spanish Fly, and penis pumps are sprinkled throughout.

Her horny-mones are inflamed and she's had a curiosity about sex and porn since she saw a skin flick at a friend's house while their folks were out of town. Before repositioning herself on her daisy patterned sheets and mountain of throw pillows and vulnerable stuffed animals, she pushes her desk against her flimsy wooden bedroom door since there isn't a decent lock on it. Leaving the light on so she can read the fantasies/ lies with gusto from glossy photo cover to glossy photo end cover. Her philosophy is, "I'm not gonna be getting any, so I may as well read about and look at people that are."

She finally climbs up on her bed, reaches across to her vanity to turn on the turntable and places the needle onto her WHAM!- "Make It Big" LP, opens her porno rag 'Variations' to where she left off from that morning, and deftly reaches 'back and to the left' of her side for her huge, white, stuffed bunny rabbit- Flopsy- carefully placing it between her thighs.

Clearly this rabbit won't die, but he's gonna get what's coming to it. Glenn Close wasn't as brutal in Fatal Attraction. But nothing is going to come between a plump, closeted bi, 18 year old girl with a 'liberated' trashy magazine, a stuffed bunny, and dual pierced boys crooning on her hi-fi, from reaching 'Shangri La' on her own. And yeah, fantasizing about my teacher/ lover helped too.

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Old 03-27-2011, 06:54 AM   #55
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Ok. I LOVE this thread

I think too often too much of a critical eye is turned on female orgasms. Reminds me of the way people always want to do tests on women who squirt, take the liquid into labs and 'make sure' it isn't urine. WTF??!!! If the woman enjoyed it what's the obsession with questioning the experience??

There are many kinds of pleasure and I just think it's really important for us as women to realise that there isn't some kind of elusive standard of orgasm that we all have to live up to or else retire our disobedient coochies forever branded as frigid and unresponsive. There are so many different kinds of orgasms - and the biggest for me have always happened in my head first. As Mossy said - it really is meant to be fun not a stressed out work out or race or experiment.

We were having a discussion in class about orgasms and then did a reading on female genital mutilation. And from this reading one of girls in my class said that her mom had been mutilated as a little girl and, as a result, couldn't have clitoral orgasms at all - in fact the way the woman related to her vagina for a very, very long time was with thoughts of that area as being a place of trauma and torture and dirt. When this young woman left her home in Somalia and moved to Canada she started exploring her body and had her first orgasm. She then met and married a man she loved and respected and found that she could orgasm with him too. None of us can know what the pleasure she felt and still feels was like because physically most of us cannot relate and yet she feels pleasure and she owns that pleasure. And I think the best thing about pleasure, no matter what sort or intensity, is that in those moments you feel it you own it because you define it and nobody has the right to take it, compare it and rate it against some mythical ideal often defined by men who make porn movies .
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Old 03-27-2011, 08:17 AM   #56
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My first orgasm happened when I was 12 my mom would fall asleep with the tv on and the channel she would watch after a certain hour it would change to porn. Every night I would sneak in her room, watch a few minutes and return back to my room. I had this big smiley face pen that I would use as a "makeshift penis" and begin to just play with myself. I would do it up until I got this sensation as if I had to pee but I thought something was wrong so I would just stop. One night I finally just allowed the sensation to continue and it really blew my mind.

It's kind of crazy because I lost my virginity when I was 14 and thinking back I never had any orgasms with my boyfriend at the time not until later when I was with my 2nd boyfriend that I had orgasms just about everytime. I really think the key to having a orgasm is all in the mind. Yes the physical aspect of getting off is just as important but if your mind isn't in tune with your body chances are you won't get to really experience a honest orgasm.
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Old 03-27-2011, 08:52 AM   #57
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Honestly, I don't remember my first orgasm. I know I began "playing" when I was very young. I didn't know what it was I was doing at the time. I just knew that it felt good. Like many girls, I also had a best friend/experimenting partner. I don't think those experiments brought any release but it was thrilling...being "bad" at it's most secretive and exciting. I very likely deflowered myself but I won't say how lol. My first real sexual partner didn't come along until very late compared to most. He was the first of many things but I have still never had an orgasm through tab-A-in-slot-B type intercourse. I feel like I might be missing out. Other ways are lovely but it would be nice to experience it just once.
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Old 03-30-2011, 07:00 PM   #58
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I have been having sex for years with several partners and had never once even came close to orgasm. It was the past August that I begin an intimate relationship with a guy who was 19 at the time I am 29. He was the sweetest lover I had ever had, he touched me and showered with me as if it was novel sex and he was the first man who ever made me orgasm, but I became pregnant and he left but I cant be mad at him cause gosh that boy made me into a women. Before him I had never even taken off my top during sex, I was ashamed but with him he undressed me and made me feel alive.
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Old 04-01-2011, 04:59 AM   #59
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Also, I'm curious if any of you were late bloomers too? They say a lot of times, women can't come because they're not fully relaxed and comfortable. I was far more comfortable in my own skin than all of my female friends, skinny or fat, and yet they were all having orgasms. So I never really understood what the deal was. Still don't really. But I wonder if my weight ever had anything to do with it.
i waited ....and waited....... and waited...... till i was 29 1/2......... and then had my first bf/kiss/sexual encounter........ but no vowell.
for me i was a late bloomer. but once that switch was turned on....
mostly because i want more than FWB, i end up taking care of business by myself. sigh... why dont men stick around?
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Old 04-01-2011, 05:19 AM   #60
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I've never orgasmed during sex. I've only orgasmed from someone else twice in my life.. I have a little bit of a complex about it. My boyfriend & I are working on it though, hah.
wow.... me too...... i thought i was just weird or sumthing. i often wonder if somehow i am just incapable? very few men though are willing to even TRY to help me out .... i generally have to do it myself.


as for when i first started experimenting..... hmmm.... i was about 13 ish. i didnt have many friends at all and was a bit of a loner..... but one night, while my sister slept in the bed next to me.... i explored and .. well lookie there...... that felt good......
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Old 04-01-2011, 06:23 PM   #61
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I was a late bloomer too, and had my first orgasm when I was 19. The first time would have happened sooner, except I was totally overwhelmed by the build up, that I was convinced I was going to pass out or have a heart attack. So I would just stop the proceedings before the point of no return, for fear of my demise being in an interesting position lol. That happened three times before I just let go.
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Old 04-02-2011, 09:21 AM   #62
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I remember a few years ago, a friend of a friend had her first orgasm at around 23 and she used a vibrator that looked like a carrot and tried to explain to me what she did. It didn't help, but she was kind of nervous talking about those personal details. I figured I'd share what got me there in case any of you ladies who haven't yet are curious! (Or even those who already have. )

(Side note: The chick referenced above used to be an INCREDIBLY GORGEOUS fuller figured bombshell. She had long blonde hair, perfect boobs, perfect ass. Perfect everything. And then she had WLS. To each his own... I get it. I watch Biggest Loser religiously because I love watching people attain their goals through hard work. But man. We lost a hottie.)

Okay, on to the vibrator! I originally used a wireless bullet, but the batteries in that thing die WAY too quickly so I purchased one with an attachment that holds 2 AA batteries that last longer. See picture. From there, (for me) its just about finding that one perfect spot on the clitoris. (Mine is on the left side... Or at least the only spot I've found is.) I'm in a half sitting, half laying position, resting my weight on pillows against the wall and I use my left hand. I personally have to watch porn (usually of a guy going down on a girl - go figure since I've never had any mind blowing cunnilingus). And there she blows!

Also, I use KY Intense every time. I've never tried it without because I'm scared I won't orgasm and then I'll be frustrated. So I stick with it for now. But I raved about it to two friends who orgasm just fine and when they tried it, they said it did nothing for them. Maybe for the ladies who struggle, this would be a good idea. Its only $5 or so on amazon.com. ($30 in stores! Who pays $30 for that shit?!)

So all in all, what I'm trying to say is that its worth it to keep trying. Find what feels good and do that. I gave up SO OFTEN because I was frustrated that I wasn't getting the results I wanted. But I was trying things I thought were supposed to work - like sticking giant dildos inside me. No thank you. That's just not what does it for me. I say focus on the clit and make sure you're horny first.

Okay that's all I got for now. I probably just shared way too much personal info on the interwebz, but I hope it'll help somebody.
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Old 04-02-2011, 02:12 PM   #63
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My first was by myself, and I have NO idea how old I was (def less than 12). My first with help came when I was 16. I was banging this dude in the back of his car... I was kinda bored and had been letting my mind wander. Well, as luck would have it, I was hungry and started thinking about some cheesecake that I knew was in my grandma's frig. All of a sudden, BAM! I was so shocked that I blurted out "wow! that's never happened b4!" Of course the dude took the credit thinking that it was him... but I knew it was the cheesecake. Since then, I can pretty much have the big O anytime I want with VERY little effort... I just have to think about dessert!
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Old 04-03-2011, 04:56 PM   #64
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First of all I would like to say I love reading all the posts
My first orgasm was with my first "LOVE" lol through oral sex. I was 15 years old. I thought it was the greatest feeling in the world! I didn't have an orgasm on my on until I was probably 17 or 18. I remember I was sitting in the bathtub and used alot of soap LMAO!! It took a long time but I got there
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Old 04-03-2011, 05:29 PM   #65
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/snip/

Okay, on to the vibrator! I originally used a wireless bullet, but the batteries in that thing die WAY too quickly so I purchased one with an attachment that holds 2 AA batteries that last longer. See picture. From there, (for me) its just about finding that one perfect spot on the clitoris. (Mine is on the left side... Or at least the only spot I've found is.) I'm in a half sitting, half laying position, resting my weight on pillows against the wall and I use my left hand. I personally have to watch porn (usually of a guy going down on a girl - go figure since I've never had any mind blowing cunnilingus). And there she blows!

Also, I use KY Intense every time. I've never tried it without because I'm scared I won't orgasm and then I'll be frustrated. So I stick with it for now. But I raved about it to two friends who orgasm just fine and when they tried it, they said it did nothing for them. Maybe for the ladies who struggle, this would be a good idea. Its only $5 or so on amazon.com. ($30 in stores! Who pays $30 for that shit?!)

So all in all, what I'm trying to say is that its worth it to keep trying. Find what feels good and do that.
Yes yes yes to bullets--of all my toys (and I'm building an impressive collection) bullets are my faves. (I favor the right side--funny that, huh?) Love porn but it's not a must but I do get what you mean. Also, KY's Intense works! I was shocked, but yeah. I won't use it all the time, like I won't use toys because I honestly don't want desensitization to become an issue but they're both fun and I recommend them highly.
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Old 04-03-2011, 08:05 PM   #66
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I won't use it all the time, like I won't use toys because I honestly don't want desensitization to become an issue...
I do worry about this.
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Old 04-03-2011, 08:38 PM   #67
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I thought I'd see if that KY Intense was available here, but it seems like it's not. I checked on Amazon, and they wanted to charge $50 for shipping.
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Old 04-03-2011, 08:51 PM   #68
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Originally Posted by CaitiDee View Post
I do worry about this.
Vibrator desensitization is an urban legend.

http://www.vibrators.com/vibrator-myths.html
http://www.goaskalice.columbia.edu/3757.html
http://www.health.arizona.edu/health...k.04.09.07.pdf

It's amazing just how many myths there are out there whose sole purpose seems to be to keep women from enjoying themselves without a man around... hmmm.
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Old 04-03-2011, 09:04 PM   #69
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YAY! Myth dispelled. Keep on vibing then!
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Old 04-04-2011, 02:56 PM   #70
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That myth is totally a myth. I've been using vibes for a long long time and I've never had an issue. I think just the opposite has happened. I'm more sensitive I think.
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Old 04-04-2011, 04:11 PM   #71
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i am NOT giving up my vibes ... no no nonononononononoooo!
what else am i supposed to do with all my free time?
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Old 04-04-2011, 05:02 PM   #72
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ladies, my sister has been raving about this fandangled looking lil thing.

http://we-vibe.com/

I am rather curious, can use it whilst getting served too, lordy me.

When i get back from easter holidays, i will look into purchasing myself a new friend for winter this may just be it.
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Old 04-04-2011, 05:18 PM   #73
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ladies, my sister has been raving about this fandangled looking lil thing.

http://we-vibe.com/

I am rather curious, can use it whilst getting served too, lordy me.

When i get back from easter holidays, i will look into purchasing myself a new friend for winter this may just be it.
I have it. Not impressed but YMMV. It depends on a couple of things--like lets just hypothetically say anatomically your clitoris or your g-spot sits up a little higher than the design allows, ORRRRRR you need stronger stimulation. This product is quite flexible and has I think seven settings but its power and reach just didn't impress me. Thankfully, I got it on Amazon for half the price they were asking for on all the other sites but I'm much happier with my $5 bullets.

Hell, even my Hello Kitty vibe does the job better and is cuter when I'm near the mirror. The little bow on her head is strategically placed.
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Last edited by CastingPearls; 04-04-2011 at 05:21 PM.
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Old 04-05-2011, 03:13 PM   #74
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Had a very interesting conversation about orgasms with a lesbian friend and she said that she no longer sleeps with straight women because too often they simply do not 'negotiate' sex. She said in her experience most straight women are very passive about their pleasure, less vocal than her lesbian lovers have been and all of them, overwhelmingly, have never actually asked for what they wanted - or even seemed to know what to ask for. I was a little shocked at first but then I thought about all the women I know and their stories of their sexual encounters and how few of them ever even have sex for their own pleasure. That shook me - hard. I think we should have an orgasm week or something where we talk about our orgasms, what gets us there and just our journeys to orgasm. And this shouldn't be about men - it should be about us, educating ourselves and each other about our own bodies and our own pleasure. Orgasms are a big deal for me I'm sure you can tell. I just want to see women everywhere - straight and gay - moving to a place where our pleasure is important and where girl children know that they have a right to this pleasure, a right to give it to themselves and a right to expect and ask it from a partner.
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Old 04-05-2011, 07:48 PM   #75
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Had a very interesting conversation about orgasms with a lesbian friend and she said that she no longer sleeps with straight women because too often they simply do not 'negotiate' sex. She said in her experience most straight women are very passive about their pleasure, less vocal than her lesbian lovers have been and all of them, overwhelmingly, have never actually asked for what they wanted - or even seemed to know what to ask for. I was a little shocked at first but then I thought about all the women I know and their stories of their sexual encounters and how few of them ever even have sex for their own pleasure. That shook me - hard. I think we should have an orgasm week or something where we talk about our orgasms, what gets us there and just our journeys to orgasm. And this shouldn't be about men - it should be about us, educating ourselves and each other about our own bodies and our own pleasure. Orgasms are a big deal for me I'm sure you can tell. I just want to see women everywhere - straight and gay - moving to a place where our pleasure is important and where girl children know that they have a right to this pleasure, a right to give it to themselves and a right to expect and ask it from a partner.
Totally, agreed, and there are probably fat women who especially don't think they have a right to ask for what they want because of their size out of fear the guy would leave. If they only knew just how much sexual power they hold over their men!

Maybe you could start a FB page about it or a blog and ask women to tell their stories. That might be a good start.
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