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Old 04-10-2011, 08:14 PM   #51
LalaCity
 
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Originally Posted by BigBeautifulMe View Post
Lala, I think the answer is simple. Liking a woman who is your size is still close enough to "mainstream" preferences that most guys probably don't see a reason to seek out additional resources to help them with coming to terms with it.
You know -- that makes a hell of a lot of sense. You'd think I'd have considered that angle, but I get so lost in the mindset that I am so radically different from the "norm" or what's deemed societally-acceptable that it's clouded my perception!

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Originally Posted by superodalisque View Post
honey what do YOU actually want? personally, i think you're beautiful exactly the way you are. if you want to be different i think you'll be gorgeous that way too. but really, its not about what other people like its what you like. don't let someone else's preference warp who you really are inside and what you really want to be.
Thanks, Super. I think I'm presently struggling massively with my self-esteem and it sometimes manifests as a feeling of not being qualified for acceptance into any group, however diverse.


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Originally Posted by jr000 View Post
my most recent ex was a 16/18, hourglass to pear shape, and i was physically attracted to her from the first moment i saw her

i've been attracted to a variety of physical 'types' my entire life, it's more about shape and build than dress size to me

a friend of mine told me the more you fixate on something the more you repel it (yes, she was quoting the secret, but it's not really easy for me to dismiss because, career-wise, it's worked for me)....the real trick is to be comfy in your own skin and let that show to everyone around you, the rest will work itself out

and for what it's worth, if i was la-based, i'd totally be into you, blurry pics and all
Thanks for repeating that it's a matter of personal confidence. I need to tell this to myself, mantra-style. And thank you for the compliment.
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Old 04-10-2011, 08:19 PM   #52
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Originally Posted by ashmamma84 View Post
I'm about a size or two bigger and a couple inches shorter than you.

If I were you I wouldn't give a lot of credence to what FAs want or don't want/find attractive. I think a genuine guy who is sure of himself just wants a woman who embraces her individuality. Not a woman who panders to an idea of what she thinks he wants because while that may be flattering or fun at first, that gets old very quick. I know its cliche' but just get comfortable with being you and all that you are. A guy is going to be drawn to that regardless of your shape, size, etc.

In the OP you said you have some self doubt issues that seem color your experiences with guys and I think you should maybe explore/work on that. How we feel about ourselves is everything. We teach people how to treat us.

So it might not be about having the wrong bbw shape for FAs or any of that. It could just be treating yourself well demanding that from any man regardless of his preference.
Brilliant post. Thanks.

And thank you to everyone else who has responded. It means a lot to me.
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Old 04-10-2011, 10:39 PM   #53
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I also recognize that it may not be so much the size and shape of my body as the lingering self-doubt I possess over my worth and attractiveness which might be limiting my success with men. As I've said in other threads, I'm still relatively new to the idea that FAs exist, after a lifetime of believing that only slim women qualify as attractive to men. I'm still learning to accept myself as I am, in other words.


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Old 04-11-2011, 03:47 AM   #54
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Originally Posted by BigBeautifulMe View Post
Lala, I think the answer is simple. Liking a woman who is your size is still close enough to "mainstream" preferences that most guys probably don't see a reason to seek out additional resources to help them with coming to terms with it. Most probably don't even know there are terms like BBW and FA. You have many, many guys out in the "real world" looking for a woman like you.

Lala, I think this is key to the whole issue of who Dimensions is for. Not everyone needs the same things from Dimensions. Take only the things you need, and ignore the rest. We all (fat people and FAs alike) need it as our occasional armor against the world, but it doesn't need to be your entire arsenal. You can't have too many sources of strength. If you can ALSO find the things (i.e. people) you need elsewhere, then in the long run, you'll be stronger for it.
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Old 04-11-2011, 06:13 AM   #55
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Lala, I feel like this too but from a different perspective. I'm what people might label as "midsize" (which it a term I hate) for a BBW. Too big to be BBW, too small to be SSBBW. Personally, I call myself SSBBW because I'm only too "small" here at Dims. In the real world I'm most definitely an SSBBW. On top of that my body shape is not one falls into a specific category. I guess I'm more pear than not but I'm not a true pear. I'm not really an apple and certainly not an hourglass. I am category-less and in a community that loves its label. That can be frustrating. I try not to care or let it bother me. Most days I don't even think about it. However, there are times when it does bug me. Especially here because one aspect of BBW-hood is always being compared to another or analyzed and debated from every angle or admired and desired and drooled over...and I am none-of-the-above. Many of us are. You are not alone, girl!
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Old 04-16-2011, 09:06 PM   #56
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Originally Posted by ashmamma84 View Post
I think a genuine guy who is sure of himself just wants a woman who embraces her individuality. Not a woman who panders to an idea of what she thinks he wants because while that may be flattering or fun at first, that gets old very quick. I know its cliche' but just get comfortable with being you and all that you are. A guy is going to be drawn to that regardless of your shape, size, etc.
This I agree with, wholeheartedly.
Lara, you are beautiful!
My personal feeling on happiness is that you just need to be you, and not something you feel someone else wants you to be. If you want to be skinnier/heavier/blonder, etc... do it because you want it, not because you think someone else wants it. One of the sexiest things to me is a confident woman, who is comfortable in her own skin. Hourglass figures are also very high on my list.
I will say it again, because it is very true. Lara, you are beautiful!
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Old 04-25-2011, 09:31 AM   #57
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Originally Posted by LalaCity View Post
My experience with boyfriends has generally run along the lines of my being the biggest girl they've ever dated and has always been accompanied by the nagging doubt that they are stretching themselves to include me within the palette of what they can find desirable….
My experience with southern California like L.A. and Santa Barbara (your profile states that you are from there) is that for the most part, the local culture emphasizes size and physical beauty. Maybe your doubts have been formed by your perceptions of what you are 'supposed' to look like. What if the guys you are dating do not follow those same local definitions of what is pretty? I have an acquaintance who lives in Brentwood, who at the age of 30, had a face lift, started doing botox, and had eyeliner and lipstick permanently tattooed on her. She works out 3 hrs a day and I think she looks like an anorexic clown. All her friends are like that also.

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Originally Posted by LalaCity View Post
But I also fear whether FAs develop a sort of size fetish over time, as though only an ever-larger BBW will do as an adequate partner or someone worth showing off to the world.
I don't know of any data to support that. I've liked larger (plump/chubby/BBW) since I was 17 (am 40 now), and have never even thought or considered of "trading up".

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Originally Posted by LalaCity View Post
This may seem shallow and silly of me, but it really goes to a deep and painful feeling of doubt as to whether I'll ever meet someone who finds me beautiful for me.
Yes, its silly of you. Your doubts have to do with a lack of self-confidence. I would rather hang around a fun & self confident person who may not be physically attractive than a Victorias Secret model who has no personality.

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Originally Posted by LalaCity View Post
… do you think a woman of my size is attractive and qualifies as a BBW, or would you be disappointed by my (lack of) size?
The definition of a BBW is subjective, and so is the definition of a FA. I consider my gf, who has the body of Anna Nicole Smith, to be a BBW, while some other users on this site would consider her to be skinny. Its unfair to use labels such as FA or BBW in this context, because there is no objective definition, so its different with each person.

Bottom line, and to answer your question:
I think your size can be attractive, but there has to be more to you, and I don't mean weight. Im talking about intelligence and self confidence.
And while *my* definition may qualify you as a bBw (notice lowercase 'B'), I would not be disappointed by any lack of size. As long as you don't have any bones sticking out that would poke me, I would be happy with dating and being seen in public with someone like you.
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Old 10-16-2011, 08:55 PM   #58
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Where are these guys that tell you to lose weight? Never had that problem. All the guys I've dated either didn't mind my weight or felt it enhanced my looks. Maybe there is a double standard for women of color in that a little extra weight is acceptable. I live in the South and many of the men prefer their women to be thicker (not all, but many). And yes, I am also a size 16-18 hourglass. I am 240 lbs, 5'6 and that is me on my avatar.
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Last edited by KittyKitten; 10-16-2011 at 09:04 PM.
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Old 10-23-2011, 06:51 PM   #59
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"5'4" and a size 16 "hourglass" figure"
... sounds damn yummy to me
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