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Old 03-13-2011, 08:27 PM   #1
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Default Maintaining erections-would especially appreciate men's opinions!

Do men have trouble getting it up for someone that they find attractive? On the other side of the coin, is it possible to get an erection for someone who you don't find especially attractive?
I ask because the past few men I've slept with have had some problems keeping it up. >.> (All in the age range of 20-28yo) This one guy in particular-he'd be erect, then I'd reach for the condom, and as soon as I tried to put it on his package would go all soft again. This also happened when we'd change positions. Guy #2 had no problems the first time around, but couldn't really get it up for round two.
I guess I'm puzzled because my steady high school boyfriend never really needed time to recover, he could go multiple rounds without ever stopping or getting soft.
I'm just having some doubts about whether my expectations are too high, or if I'm just not doing it for these recent guys.
Thoughts?
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Old 03-13-2011, 08:47 PM   #2
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I can say that needing time to reload is pretty normal- for me, at least. I need at least an hour before I can go again after orgasm.
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Old 03-13-2011, 08:55 PM   #3
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I can say that needing time to reload is pretty normal- for me, at least. I need at least an hour before I can go again after orgasm.
Fair enough...
How about the first round though? Have you ever had trouble keeping an erection for an attractive girl?
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Old 03-13-2011, 09:58 PM   #4
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Fair enough...
How about the first round though? Have you ever had trouble keeping an erection for an attractive girl?
No, I haven't, so I can't give advice on that one, sorry.
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Old 03-13-2011, 10:21 PM   #5
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As I have no experience on the first question, I will answer the second question.

Yes, it is possible to get aroused by someone you don't particularly find attractive.

It's somewhat annoying on occassion and can be difficult to ignore at times but it's possible.

There are other times when I've heard it also being an automatic response to stimuli but that's just from some of the items I remember reading up on.
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Old 03-13-2011, 11:09 PM   #6
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Quote:
Originally Posted by bella929 View Post
Do men have trouble getting it up for someone that they find attractive? On the other side of the coin, is it possible to get an erection for someone who you don't find especially attractive?
Some do, sometimes.

Quote:
Originally Posted by bella929 View Post
I ask because the past few men I've slept with have had some problems keeping it up. >.> (All in the age range of 20-28yo) This one guy in particular-he'd be erect, then I'd reach for the condom, and as soon as I tried to put it on his package would go all soft again.
It could be nerves. Some guys will have issues with condoms, though I think it's mostly them are psyching themselves out of it and others are using it as an excuse to go bareback. Some men do have erectile dysfunction issues.

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Originally Posted by bella929 View Post
This also happened when we'd change positions. Guy #2 had no problems the first time around, but couldn't really get it up for round two.
Not all guys can go again straight away. But while he's waiting to recharge is a great time for him to focus on you for a bit, if he's got any energy left.

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Originally Posted by bella929 View Post
I guess I'm puzzled because my steady high school boyfriend never really needed time to recover, he could go multiple rounds without ever stopping or getting soft.
It's usually easier for teens to go multiple rounds than older men. Each man is different and it's not fair to compare your current partners to previous ones (this goes for everyone!).

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Originally Posted by bella929 View Post
I'm just having some doubts about whether my expectations are too high, or if I'm just not doing it for these recent guys.
Thoughts?
I think your expectations are a bit unrealistic. Unless you're banging a lot of (hopefully of age) teenage boys, you're going to find that they'll need time to recover between rounds.
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Old 03-14-2011, 12:54 AM   #7
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Wait a minute, Bella are you asking about before he even shoots at all or after he has already had a go? I am a bit confused and I want to be sure I understand the situation lol....is your question overall, before you have sex yet at all or after he has gone already at least once?
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Old 03-14-2011, 02:33 AM   #8
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Originally Posted by Azrael View Post
As I have no experience on the first question, I will answer the second question.

Yes, it is possible to get aroused by someone you don't particularly find attractive.

It's somewhat annoying on occassion and can be difficult to ignore at times but it's possible.

There are other times when I've heard it also being an automatic response to stimuli but that's just from some of the items I remember reading up on.

Quote:
Originally Posted by penguin
Quote:
Originally Posted by bella929
Do men have trouble getting it up for someone that they find attractive? On the other side of the coin, is it possible to get an erection for someone who you don't find especially attractive?
Some do, sometimes.

Quote:
Originally Posted by bella929
I ask because the past few men I've slept with have had some problems keeping it up. >.> (All in the age range of 20-28yo) This one guy in particular-he'd be erect, then I'd reach for the condom, and as soon as I tried to put it on his package would go all soft again.
It could be nerves. Some guys will have issues with condoms, though I think it's mostly them are psyching themselves out of it and others are using it as an excuse to go bareback. Some men do have erectile dysfunction issues.

Quote:
Originally Posted by bella929
This also happened when we'd change positions. Guy #2 had no problems the first time around, but couldn't really get it up for round two.
Not all guys can go again straight away. But while he's waiting to recharge is a great time for him to focus on you for a bit, if he's got any energy left.

Quote:
Originally Posted by bella929
I guess I'm puzzled because my steady high school boyfriend never really needed time to recover, he could go multiple rounds without ever stopping or getting soft.
It's usually easier for teens to go multiple rounds than older men. Each man is different and it's not fair to compare your current partners to previous ones (this goes for everyone!).

Quote:
Originally Posted by bella929
I'm just having some doubts about whether my expectations are too high, or if I'm just not doing it for these recent guys.
Thoughts?
I think your expectations are a bit unrealistic. Unless you're banging a lot of (hopefully of age) teenage boys, you're going to find that they'll need time to recover between rounds.
First off, I'd like to thank everyone for their responses-they've been pretty helpful so far.

@penguin: Just to clarify, I don't really expect all men to be able to perform again without a recovery period. It's just that I have had only a handful of partners since my HS boyfriend, so I'm still kind of inexperienced/learning. You're right though, I really shouldn't compare. I'm just concerned because the three guys I've been with after the HS bf have all had this problem, and they're all in their 20s. It would be hard for me to do believe that they all have ED...it's easier to consider that something is wrong with me.

@rubenesquehunny: My main question is about the guy having trouble getting it up before he shoots(love your wording! )/comes for the first round. My original post was kind of all over the place...sorry about that! It's just that a few of the guys I've been with sometimes go soft before I try to put on the condom/have sex. One guy in particular-he'll be up and ready to go when we're kissing or when I'm going down on him...and then all of a sudden he loses his erection. It's really got me wondering if either:
1. He has a problem with his own arousal (personal problem)
2. I'm doing something wrong
3. He just doesn't find me desirable
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Old 03-14-2011, 02:37 AM   #9
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Originally Posted by Azrael View Post
As I have no experience on the first question, I will answer the second question.

Yes, it is possible to get aroused by someone you don't particularly find attractive.

It's somewhat annoying on occassion and can be difficult to ignore at times but it's possible.

There are other times when I've heard it also being an automatic response to stimuli but that's just from some of the items I remember reading up on.
Hmmm...just as I feared. :P
Just curious: do you mean in a situation outside of the bedroom, like at work/school, or in public? Or do you mean by an an unattractive person that you're about to get into bed with? 0.o
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Old 03-14-2011, 03:32 AM   #10
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Originally Posted by bella929 View Post
First off, I'd like to thank everyone for their responses-they've been pretty helpful so far.

@rubenesquehunny: My main question is about the guy having trouble getting it up before he shoots(love your wording! )/comes for the first round. My original post was kind of all over the place...sorry about that! It's just that a few of the guys I've been with sometimes go soft before I try to put on the condom/have sex. One guy in particular-he'll be up and ready to go when we're kissing or when I'm going down on him...and then all of a sudden he loses his erection. It's really got me wondering if either:
1. He has a problem with his own arousal (personal problem)
2. I'm doing something wrong
3. He just doesn't find me desirable
Ok Bella that is what I had thought but I wanted to be sure before I posted back ..if a man is in bed with you and you are about to have sex, I am thinking he finds you desirable or why be in bed with you?? Which leads me to the second point, I doubt you are doing anything 'wrong'. I am a true believer in being vocal about what you like and if he needed/wanted you to do something, then it is his responsibility to tell you. He has to be a proactive member lol you aren't a mind reader!! lol which means the first part is probably more it....mainly due to your condom comment. I know a few guys who just lose their erection if there is a condom involved. I think you should honestly not blame yourself (you're a hottie) and it just sounds like a bad run of 'soft' men lol
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Old 03-14-2011, 10:27 AM   #11
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Originally Posted by bella929 View Post
First off, I'd like to thank everyone for their responses-they've been pretty helpful so far.

@penguin: Just to clarify, I don't really expect all men to be able to perform again without a recovery period. It's just that I have had only a handful of partners since my HS boyfriend, so I'm still kind of inexperienced/learning. You're right though, I really shouldn't compare. I'm just concerned because the three guys I've been with after the HS bf have all had this problem, and they're all in their 20s. It would be hard for me to do believe that they all have ED...it's easier to consider that something is wrong with me.

@rubenesquehunny: My main question is about the guy having trouble getting it up before he shoots(love your wording! )/comes for the first round. My original post was kind of all over the place...sorry about that! It's just that a few of the guys I've been with sometimes go soft before I try to put on the condom/have sex. One guy in particular-he'll be up and ready to go when we're kissing or when I'm going down on him...and then all of a sudden he loses his erection. It's really got me wondering if either:
1. He has a problem with his own arousal (personal problem)
2. I'm doing something wrong
3. He just doesn't find me desirable
There's another option - and more likely I think. Sometimes if someone REALLY likes you - the anxiety of not pleasing you or not being desirable to YOU causes problems (been there) on the other hand, if you, as a person, aren't so...let's say important to him, its easier to let the "animal" play as it were....
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Old 03-14-2011, 02:00 PM   #12
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Originally Posted by bella929 View Post
Hmmm...just as I feared. :P
Just curious: do you mean in a situation outside of the bedroom, like at work/school, or in public? Or do you mean by an an unattractive person that you're about to get into bed with? 0.o
Both situations can occur.

Personal experience would be at work/school, or in public while from what I've read it can also happen in the bedroom.

From what I've read this can occur in the rare case of women raping men.

It is an automatic reaction to stimuli and so it's not like they have any control over it or even want it, it just happens.

That being said, I would have to wonder why someone would sleep with another in the first place if they didn't actively find them attractive unless it is for the bonding part of it.

But if it is for the bonding part of it, then usually the relationship has been going on for a while and they usually care for each other.

Also remember, some guys are simply terrible in bed and/or can't keep it up for long and finish quickly it is not the fault of the women for the man finishing quickly or having difficulties staying aroused.

Sometimes they need a little extra help, other times they're just plain terrible.
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Old 03-14-2011, 02:23 PM   #13
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Us guys are cursed by the unwanted stiffies. It's embarrassing at times..

As for getting it up the second or third time, most guys need 10 -15 minutes to reload..
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Old 03-14-2011, 02:42 PM   #14
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Originally Posted by bella929 View Post
Do men have trouble getting it up for someone that they find attractive? On the other side of the coin, is it possible to get an erection for someone who you don't find especially attractive?
I ask because the past few men I've slept with have had some problems keeping it up. >.> (All in the age range of 20-28yo) This one guy in particular-he'd be erect, then I'd reach for the condom, and as soon as I tried to put it on his package would go all soft again. This also happened when we'd change positions. Guy #2 had no problems the first time around, but couldn't really get it up for round two.
I guess I'm puzzled because my steady high school boyfriend never really needed time to recover, he could go multiple rounds without ever stopping or getting soft.
I'm just having some doubts about whether my expectations are too high, or if I'm just not doing it for these recent guys.
Thoughts?
baby---google. There's a wealth of anecdotal and medical info out there. No reason to wonder about anything in the universe now that we have google. Seriously!
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Old 03-14-2011, 07:15 PM   #15
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Attractive is a hard to place word, but I most certainly can be made aroused by someone I don't want to be aroused by.

Edited to add:

The reason I say attractive is hard to place is if I get an erection not aided by chemicals, then I am "attracted" to them on at least an animalistic level. I can find them physically otherwise unappealing or morally repugnant or undesired in some other way, but if something about them turns the brain on, then the penis goes with it.
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Old 03-14-2011, 07:56 PM   #16
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All I can say is fat chat and feeding is my viagra! LOL
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Old 03-14-2011, 08:49 PM   #17
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In all of the first few times with a new girlfriend I was beyond nervous, and I think if I immediately went for insertion would have failed miserrably. However, I never received a complaint about exciting foreplay and being orally attentive to my previous partners until I was comfortable and ready to go. Ironically, the only time I was not nervous was my first time ever... and I think after I got that out of the way, I began to read about sex and was overwhelmed with the realization that it was not all about me... once I became concerned with my partners pleasure as my ultimate priority, the nerves started to hit.

I have had my fair share of instances of premature ejaculation as well, but always recovered with exceptional endurance after. I think my P.E. is from over excitement and lack of sex (I do not experience when I am having regular sex) so it has never really bothered me.

As far as personal enjoyment, I always enjoy sex much more after I know my partner has had an orgasim... I love feeling like I have pleased someone and that I can full concentrate on my turn.


I did have a very slender partner once, whom I was struggling to rise to the occassion for... and the extremely smart girl must have realized my interest in her peaked when we were talking earlier in the evening about how she has gained weight and should not be pigging out (we met at a wedding party) and she got right into some weight gain themed sex talk, and it turned out to be quite fun. So I think with the right mental stimulation, you certainly can become aroused by someone you may not typically be attracted to.
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Old 03-15-2011, 03:31 PM   #18
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Attractive is a hard to place word, but I most certainly can be made aroused by someone I don't want to be aroused by.

Edited to add:

The reason I say attractive is hard to place is if I get an erection not aided by chemicals, then I am "attracted" to them on at least an animalistic level. I can find them physically otherwise unappealing or morally repugnant or undesired in some other way, but if something about them turns the brain on, then the penis goes with it.
Interesting...the morally repugnant bit makes me chuckle!

I really want to experience intimacy with a FA someday...I think I'd feel a lot less self-conscious and a lot more confident with my body. While part of me now understands that some men have can have personal difficulty downstairs another part of me still thinks that the past few guys just weren't all that turned on by me. :P
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Old 03-15-2011, 07:35 PM   #19
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First I can only speak for myself. I know as I have gotten older it takes Me longer to recover after orgasm. When I was in my late teens I could go one after the other, but even in my twenties I needed some time to recover. Alcohol will make things worse as well. I find that alcohol makes menmore relaxed and uninhibited, but also makes it harder to keep an erection. I can be very excited and into the sex but not have a huge erection if alcohol is involved.
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Old 03-15-2011, 07:55 PM   #20
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Interesting...the morally repugnant bit makes me chuckle!

I really want to experience intimacy with a FA someday...I think I'd feel a lot less self-conscious and a lot more confident with my body. While part of me now understands that some men have can have personal difficulty downstairs another part of me still thinks that the past few guys just weren't all that turned on by me. :P

The experience with a FA can be very freeing and liberating if you are comfortable with your body and how he is going to be loving on your chub! This has been my experience anyways!

As for not being turned on by you? Must have been blind!
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Old 03-16-2011, 02:42 AM   #21
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The experience with a FA can be very freeing and liberating if you are comfortable with your body and how he is going to be loving on your chub! This has been my experience anyways!

As for not being turned on by you? Must have been blind!
I can't wait until that special day! Where do I find me one of those? Hehehehe...

Hunny, you always make me feel so much better Thank you so much for your reassurance!
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Old 03-16-2011, 09:40 PM   #22
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Just because a man can't stay 100% hard for a long period of time does not mean he's not attracted to you. I've personally struggled with this issue. I find it extremely embarrassing because I don't want to ask my friends about this or talk to a doctor because this is such a personal issue. The only thing that I've found that might help is talking a supplement called ZMA-Zinc, Magnesium, Asparate. Helps boost testosterone giving you a longer lasting erection and helps you sleep better at night. Hope this insight can help!

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I can't wait until that special day! Where do I find me one of those? Hehehehe...

Hunny, you always make me feel so much better Thank you so much for your reassurance!
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Old 03-16-2011, 11:29 PM   #23
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Oh also I think it depends of the girth of the penis. Maybe girthy guys can't stay hard as long as those that do not have as much girth? Just a thought?
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Old 03-17-2011, 12:11 AM   #24
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There's another option - and more likely I think. Sometimes if someone REALLY likes you - the anxiety of not pleasing you or not being desirable to YOU causes problems (been there) on the other hand, if you, as a person, aren't so...let's say important to him, its easier to let the "animal" play as it were....
Never really thought of it that way-could you clarify that last part (about the "animal" haha) for me? Lol...I definitely don't think that I'm at all important to the guy in question-we're just bed-buddies

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First I can only speak for myself. I know as I have gotten older it takes Me longer to recover after orgasm. When I was in my late teens I could go one after the other, but even in my twenties I needed some time to recover. Alcohol will make things worse as well. I find that alcohol makes menmore relaxed and uninhibited, but also makes it harder to keep an erection. I can be very excited and into the sex but not have a huge erection if alcohol is involved.
"Brewers droop", right? I've had some experience with that, but there was no alcohol involved with this guy. Hmmm...i do wonder if it has to do with the blood thinning effects of alcohol...

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Just because a man can't stay 100% hard for a long period of time does not mean he's not attracted to you. I've personally struggled with this issue. I find it extremely embarrassing because I don't want to ask my friends about this or talk to a doctor because this is such a personal issue. The only thing that I've found that might help is talking a supplement called ZMA-Zinc, Magnesium, Asparate. Helps boost testosterone giving you a longer lasting erection and helps you sleep better at night. Hope this insight can help!
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Oh also I think it depends of the girth of the penis. Maybe girthy guys can't stay hard as long as those that do not have as much girth? Just a thought?
Huh...I'll keep the supplement in mind, that's really interesting! He wasn't especially thick, I'd say he was average size in girth, maybe around 6 in length? What I did notice was that he was rock hard when we were kissing or when I was going down on him, but it went soft when I went to grab a rubber, and then also later when we tried doing girl-on-top. :P

Sometimes I wish I could just take a peek inside what these guys are thinking...
Ehhhhh maybe not, lol!
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Old 03-17-2011, 01:08 AM   #25
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I donŽt know why but when the partner acts foolishly lazy or when I see or feel or taste s.th. disgusting IŽll get turned off. In that case, when IŽm in Bed with such a partner, this partner must have had attracted me before and maybe I realize these problems then, IŽll turn off before I get soft.
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