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Old 03-15-2011, 03:00 PM   #1
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Default sad fat girl =(

My boyfriend constantly calls me fat, whale, and constantly puts my confidence down all the time it really hurts me so bad he never tells me my body is beautiful I used to be this confident girl but now i hide behind shadows. Sorry just had to get it off my chest i have no where else to let my feelings out.
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Old 03-15-2011, 03:08 PM   #2
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Dump your boyfriend and you'll immediately lose 150 to 200 pounds of dead weight.
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Old 03-15-2011, 03:12 PM   #3
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My boyfriend constantly calls me fat, whale, and constantly puts my confidence down all the time it really hurts me so bad he never tells me my body is beautiful I used to be this confident girl but now i hide behind shadows. Sorry just had to get it off my chest i have no where else to let my feelings out.
You shouldn't be with someone that doesn't know how to appreciate you.
You're beautiful and your body is gorgeous! Never let him convince you otherwise.
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Old 03-15-2011, 03:13 PM   #4
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My boyfriend constantly calls me fat, whale, and constantly puts my confidence down all the time it really hurts me so bad he never tells me my body is beautiful I used to be this confident girl but now i hide behind shadows. Sorry just had to get it off my chest i have no where else to let my feelings out.
It's easier said than done to advise you to "get rid" of him, I know...but this guy is really abusive and hurtful to you and staying with him can only lead to further suffering on your part. He doesn't sound as though he truly loves you or has your best interests in mind, I'm sorry to say.

There are lots of men who would be thrilled as hell to have a gorgeous lady like you for a girlfriend -- you definitely deserve one of them, and not what you've got right now. Kick him to the curb!
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Old 03-15-2011, 03:25 PM   #5
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My boyfriend constantly calls me fat, whale, and constantly puts my confidence down all the time it really hurts me so bad he never tells me my body is beautiful I used to be this confident girl but now i hide behind shadows. Sorry just had to get it off my chest i have no where else to let my feelings out.
In the famous words of Dan Savage - it's time to DTMFA.

Dump The Mother *Footle* Already.

Cos, clearly, the dude sucks ass.

Big, small or middlin' there are fellas out there that'll treat you OK and make / help you feel happy most / sometimes.

Get rid of the bringdown and go find yourself a pickmeup.

Also, *hugs*and good luck!
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Old 03-15-2011, 04:19 PM   #6
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You are an absolutely beautiful woman, and you deserve to be with someone who appreciates how incredibly sexy you are.
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Old 03-15-2011, 04:30 PM   #7
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My boyfriend constantly calls me fat, whale, and constantly puts my confidence down all the time it really hurts me so bad he never tells me my body is beautiful I used to be this confident girl but now i hide behind shadows. Sorry just had to get it off my chest i have no where else to let my feelings out.
May I inquire to why you are with him to begin with?
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Old 03-15-2011, 04:42 PM   #8
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My boyfriend constantly calls me fat, whale, and constantly puts my confidence down all the time it really hurts me so bad he never tells me my body is beautiful I used to be this confident girl but now i hide behind shadows. Sorry just had to get it off my chest i have no where else to let my feelings out.
Someone who brings you down like this isn't worth having in your life. You deserve to be treated with respect, dignity and love, and it doesn't sound like he's doing that. Like the others have said, DTMFA.
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Old 03-15-2011, 05:23 PM   #9
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We've got a very supportive group here at dims generally so definitely feel free to vent. I agree with everyone who has said that you don't need to accept behavior like that. I don't know you or anything about your relatioship though. Why don't you tell us a little more about the situation? Is he at all attempting to "inspire" you to lose weight ever or does he just berate you and call you names like your first post seems to suggest. Any name calling like that is awful and unacceptable (unless both parties are into a little playful name calling). Like KHayes expressed earlier, I'm interested in hearing why you were with him in the first place. Is this verbal abuse a recent development or has it been occuring for a while? People here are all too happy to give advice or just lend the proverbial ear but the more we know the better help we could potentially be. I'm sorry he says those things. A few questions to maybe ask yourself when he says things like that would be 1) are you actually fat or is he full of shit? 2) If so, is that a bad thing? You found dims and a lot of good, happy, fat people right? I hope things improve with or without him.
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Old 03-15-2011, 05:28 PM   #10
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So why are you with him if he constantly tells you that you are shit? I would never stand to be in a relationship with a man who doesn't see me as sexy, desirable and beautiful.

He tells you that you are undesirable, then why doesn't he break up with you and find someone else? Why would a person date someone that he finds undesirable? He sounds like an abusive, sociopath-personality type. If you want to continue with that route, you will have nothing but heart trouble. Stress kills. Fill your life with people who are positive and send out good spirits. I've learned to phase myself away from people who have negative spirits.
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Old 03-15-2011, 05:51 PM   #11
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He does not deserve you...and you absolutely do not deserve what he's doing to you. Yes, severing ties with someone you care about is hard, but it's nothing compared to the damage he's doing to you.
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Old 03-15-2011, 07:57 PM   #12
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Simply put, you have to rid yourself from him and the toxic relatonship you are in. He is emotionally and mentally abusive and I know you posted so you could see that you know you need to leave him. If this was your friend, wouldn't you tell her to leave?
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Old 03-16-2011, 10:48 AM   #13
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My boyfriend constantly calls me fat, whale, and constantly puts my confidence down all the time it really hurts me so bad he never tells me my body is beautiful I used to be this confident girl but now i hide behind shadows. Sorry just had to get it off my chest i have no where else to let my feelings out.
and you are still with him...WHY??

You are beautiful, on to the next!
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Old 03-16-2011, 12:46 PM   #14
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My boyfriend constantly calls me fat, whale, and constantly puts my confidence down all the time it really hurts me so bad he never tells me my body is beautiful I used to be this confident girl but now i hide behind shadows. Sorry just had to get it off my chest i have no where else to let my feelings out.
His behavior is mean. You're better off without mean people in your life.
I have to join the "dump him" chorus.
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Old 03-16-2011, 03:42 PM   #15
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Originally Posted by angellepen31 View Post
My boyfriend constantly calls me fat, whale, and constantly puts my confidence down all the time it really hurts me so bad he never tells me my body is beautiful I used to be this confident girl but now i hide behind shadows. Sorry just had to get it off my chest i have no where else to let my feelings out.
Don't waste time on someone who doesn't appreciate you for who you are. If your boyfriend (if you want to call him that) isn't interested in having a loving relationship with you, then he should move on. Is he trying to make himself feel better by bringing you down? Then that's not love, at all. There are lots of other men who will appreciate your beauty.

Sounds to me like your boyfriend has his own issues to deal with.
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Old 03-16-2011, 07:17 PM   #16
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We've got a very supportive group here at dims generally so definitely feel free to vent. I agree with everyone who has said that you don't need to accept behavior like that. I don't know you or anything about your relatioship though. Why don't you tell us a little more about the situation? Is he at all attempting to "inspire" you to lose weight ever or does he just berate you and call you names like your first post seems to suggest. Any name calling like that is awful and unacceptable (unless both parties are into a little playful name calling). Like KHayes expressed earlier, I'm interested in hearing why you were with him in the first place. Is this verbal abuse a recent development or has it been occuring for a while? People here are all too happy to give advice or just lend the proverbial ear but the more we know the better help we could potentially be. I'm sorry he says those things. A few questions to maybe ask yourself when he says things like that would be 1) are you actually fat or is he full of shit? 2) If so, is that a bad thing? You found dims and a lot of good, happy, fat people right? I hope things improve with or without him.
A few questions for you, Oirish.

Why would we need to know if the verbal abuse is a recent development? She's not suggesting (if I'm reading her OP correctly) that he's said this once or twice in a moment of anger. She speaks as if he is constantly putting her down and calling her terrible names.

Does it matter if she's actually fat? Would it make it any more or less ok if she weighed 100 pounds or 1000 pounds or any point inbetween?

Even if she feels absolutely OK with her weight and her body (apparently not, as she's allowing her boyfriend to impact her self-esteem), is it ever acceptable for him to call her unwelcomed name?

I get your point about internet advise being cheap. But some things are just so transparently obvious, internet stranger or not.

She's not married to him. God forbid, she has any children with him -- I'm assuming not. He's verbally abusive. It shouldn't matter why. Even if she's been out sleeping with his brother, his best friend, and his father (all at once, while she's also killing his dog), he's responsible for how he communicates with her. Abuse is abuse is abuse. If he's OK with calling her a whale today, what's to stop him from slapping her tomorrow and knocking her down the next day? He's already crossed a line that no person should ever cross.

Cheap, anonymous internet advise isn't always wrong. Abusers don't change their ways. Why would she risk herself, her sanity, her well-being on the negligible chance that he can "change"? Best to cut losses while he's still just a boyfriend & hopefully not a baby daddy or future husband and it's that much harder to get away.
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Old 03-16-2011, 07:22 PM   #17
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Whatever you think you're getting out of this relationship, it's not worth your dignity, self-respect, mental and emotional well-being.

The longer you stay with him the more he'll tear you down making it harder to walk away.

Leave him, break-up, whatever. Remove him from your life permanently.
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Old 03-16-2011, 08:13 PM   #18
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My boyfriend constantly calls me fat, whale, and constantly puts my confidence down all the time it really hurts me so bad he never tells me my body is beautiful I used to be this confident girl but now i hide behind shadows. Sorry just had to get it off my chest i have no where else to let my feelings out.
You seem like a very sweet,caring lady, you deserve a guy who will cherish you,and shower you with love
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Old 03-16-2011, 11:29 PM   #19
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I don't disagree with you at all. But the OP was stated in a way that would obviously receive the standard wrote responses we've seen. Of course degrading someone's self esteem is reprehensible. Asking if this is recent or present from the start would show something about herself and the guys she dates. Asking how she feels about herself is an effort to see if she still feels at all like the confident girl she said she once had, despite the negetivity. I suppose I should have just gone the route of an Oprah audience member though and just told her to drop the loser, right?

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A few questions for you, Oirish.

Why would we need to know if the verbal abuse is a recent development? She's not suggesting (if I'm reading her OP correctly) that he's said this once or twice in a moment of anger. She speaks as if he is constantly putting her down and calling her terrible names.

Does it matter if she's actually fat? Would it make it any more or less ok if she weighed 100 pounds or 1000 pounds or any point inbetween?

Even if she feels absolutely OK with her weight and her body (apparently not, as she's allowing her boyfriend to impact her self-esteem), is it ever acceptable for him to call her unwelcomed name?

I get your point about internet advise being cheap. But some things are just so transparently obvious, internet stranger or not.

She's not married to him. God forbid, she has any children with him -- I'm assuming not. He's verbally abusive. It shouldn't matter why. Even if she's been out sleeping with his brother, his best friend, and his father (all at once, while she's also killing his dog), he's responsible for how he communicates with her. Abuse is abuse is abuse. If he's OK with calling her a whale today, what's to stop him from slapping her tomorrow and knocking her down the next day? He's already crossed a line that no person should ever cross.

Cheap, anonymous internet advise isn't always wrong. Abusers don't change their ways. Why would she risk herself, her sanity, her well-being on the negligible chance that he can "change"? Best to cut losses while he's still just a boyfriend & hopefully not a baby daddy or future husband and it's that much harder to get away.
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Old 03-16-2011, 11:36 PM   #20
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My boyfriend constantly calls me fat, whale, and constantly puts my confidence down all the time it really hurts me so bad he never tells me my body is beautiful I used to be this confident girl but now i hide behind shadows. Sorry just had to get it off my chest i have no where else to let my feelings out.
Leave. Now. And don't ever look back. It's liberating.
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Old 03-17-2011, 07:29 AM   #21
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I don't disagree with you at all. But the OP was stated in a way that would obviously receive the standard wrote responses we've seen. Of course degrading someone's self esteem is reprehensible. Asking if this is recent or present from the start would show something about herself and the guys she dates. Asking how she feels about herself is an effort to see if she still feels at all like the confident girl she said she once had, despite the negetivity. I suppose I should have just gone the route of an Oprah audience member though and just told her to drop the loser, right?
I don't think it's at all "Oprah-ish" to advise a young woman to leave an abuser.

I do agree with you that she should ask *herself* why she's accepting this abuse -- if only to ensure that her next relationship doesn't end up just like this one.

This doesn't mean that she needs to remain in the current relationship while working on these issues. She needs to get away from him so that she CAN gain the perspective that comes with distance.

Oirish, I think if the OP had referenced physical abuse, you wouldn't have equivocated or advised her to ask herself some gentle questions about her self-esteem. Surely, you'd have told her to just leave, and yesterday if not sooner.

Emotional abuse is no less painful, and frankly, many physical abusers start out "testing the waters" of how quickly and thoroughly they can dominate their partners with the insults and the cutting remarks. Once they've established dominance and control (i.e., dipped that big toe), they move in with the fists.
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Old 03-17-2011, 07:52 PM   #22
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May I inquire to why you are with him to begin with?
he's my first love
im scared i will be alone
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Old 03-17-2011, 08:00 PM   #23
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thanks everyone you are all too great!!!
im really glad i found this website =)
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Old 03-17-2011, 08:07 PM   #24
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he's my first love
im scared i will be alone
If he's your first, then it's all the more reason to leave him. If you are not his first, then he's taking advantage of your naivete. Even if you are alone for a while that's better than taking crap from someone who is supposed to care about you. You'll be okay and you'll find another guy.
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Old 03-17-2011, 08:17 PM   #25
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KittyKitten keeps pushing the rep limit!KittyKitten keeps pushing the rep limit!KittyKitten keeps pushing the rep limit!KittyKitten keeps pushing the rep limit!KittyKitten keeps pushing the rep limit!KittyKitten keeps pushing the rep limit!KittyKitten keeps pushing the rep limit!KittyKitten keeps pushing the rep limit!KittyKitten keeps pushing the rep limit!KittyKitten keeps pushing the rep limit!KittyKitten keeps pushing the rep limit!
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Quote:
Originally Posted by angellepen31 View Post
he's my first love
im scared i will be alone

How old are you, baby girl? You sound very young. Hell, there are lots of men out there for you to have.

Scared to be alone? Like my friend says, it's better to do bad by yourself.
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