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Old 03-21-2011, 04:01 PM   #26
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She knows about Dims. I don't think she cares enough to read posts or actually sign up.
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Old 03-21-2011, 05:45 PM   #27
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Originally Posted by OneHauteMama View Post
But I think he DOES have a limit as to what size he is attracted to on the larger end of the scale, just like he does on the smaller, so maybe the feederism and gaining and SSBBW stuff would be a bit much for him. He's not a judgemental person by any means, but I think I would be uncomfortable with him seeing that stuff. I'm sure I could disclaim it and let him know I'm not into all that...but, then again, I like having somewhere I can come where it's kinda private from people I know...ya know?
I need to say that a majority of super size fat women are not into gaining and ' feederism ' ( not a judgment there, just a statement of fact ), so those things do not go hand in hand with a woman simply being at the " larger end of the scale ". Maybe I don't undestand what you mean by " ssbbw stuff " ?
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Old 03-22-2011, 07:22 PM   #28
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Since Dims is a place I post with some frequency, sooner or later the people I'm close to will hear about it. When and if I bring it up, it's usually within the context of a discussion about fashion, health, civil rights, or civil liberties, and almost always to reference conversations that have taken place here (as opposed to "hey there's this place and you might not understand"). Occasionally, I bring it up when explaining how I met some of my friends.

I don't mind my friends (or sigothers) posting here or reading what I have to say, but I don't actively push Dims as a fat gateway resource or teaching tool anymore. This is for a number of reasons, not the least of which is the fact that I don't think Dims is a really good introduction to size acceptance or even fat culture, particularly for fat women. There's enough going on here to overwhelm (and perhaps frighten away) even folks who might eventually get a lot out of it, let alone someone who isn't fat, isn't an FA, and likely doesn't have the time to meaningfully focus and engage here anyway.

But mostly there's the fact that my particular fat identity isn't really well-represented or even understood here, especially my experiences with eating disorders and body dysmorphic disorder. So really, there's nothing that Dims can express for or about my experiences that I can't express myself, directly, and in a lot less time than it takes to root out the metric fuckton of threads that may or may not actually speak for me.

That isn't to say that in introducing friends or squishes to Dims that anybody else is using the site as a substitute for meaningful communication, because I totally do believe that when you discover other people who "get it," elements of your experience are expressed and amplified in ways that can help outsiders understand you much better. Also, by virtue of the fact that there is often intense friction between the various camps represented at Dims, the boards here can serve as a great microcosmic example of the chasmic philosophical divides between elements of the fat-interested community.

Anyway.
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Old 03-27-2011, 02:00 PM   #29
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This is something I have been struggling with. My significant other HATES that I still come to dimensions. I have been hiding it from him lately only admitting to it when asked directly. Now for those that don't know, No we did not meet on Dimensions but we were both on dimensions. I am not sure why he doesn't want me to come here but he doesn't. I have had a hard time recently , we have been hoping I could finish my weight loss journey so we could get married and have a baby. * having to wait on a baby till I loose the weight because I have a heart issue. * I get so confused, he prefers me fat but hates all the things that goes along with me being fat. I have recently hit a place in my weight loss that I cant seem to move past. I go from 440 to 420 every other month. Its like my body is refusing to loose anymore. I come to dimensions for the same reasons I always did, for confidence , for help on being a big women in a small world, and the knowledge that other people are feeling, and going through similar situations that I face. Sometimes I feel Like I should just make him happy and stop and other times I feel like the hell with it, I need to make me happy...
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Old 03-27-2011, 02:21 PM   #30
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This is something I have been struggling with. My significant other HATES that I still come to dimensions. I have been hiding it from him lately only admitting to it when asked directly. Now for those that don't know, No we did not meet on Dimensions but we were both on dimensions. I am not sure why he doesn't want me to come here but he doesn't. I have had a hard time recently , we have been hoping I could finish my weight loss journey so we could get married and have a baby. * having to wait on a baby till I loose the weight because I have a heart issue. * I get so confused, he prefers me fat but hates all the things that goes along with me being fat. I have recently hit a place in my weight loss that I cant seem to move past. I go from 440 to 420 every other month. Its like my body is refusing to loose anymore. I come to dimensions for the same reasons I always did, for confidence , for help on being a big women in a small world, and the knowledge that other people are feeling, and going through similar situations that I face. Sometimes I feel Like I should just make him happy and stop and other times I feel like the hell with it, I need to make me happy...
This doesn't sound like a healthy relationship. You shouldn't have to hide anything from him and he shouldn't try to stop you from accessing whatever website you want. It also sounds like he's putting an unhealthy amount of pressure on you to lose weight. You shouldn't be losing weight for him, or for anyone. If you want to make changes for your own health, thats fantastic.. if you're trying to push yourself to a specific number or shape or size or whatever to please him.. that's not good. It won't make you happy, and it won't solve whatever problems you're having in your relationship with him. He sounds like a controller.. and that won't change no matter how happy you try to make him. I usually try to refrain from commenting on other peoples relationships, but I had to say something.
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Old 03-27-2011, 04:23 PM   #31
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I need to say that a majority of super size fat women are not into gaining and ' feederism ' ( not a judgment there, just a statement of fact ), so those things do not go hand in hand with a woman simply being at the " larger end of the scale ". Maybe I don't undestand what you mean by " ssbbw stuff " ?
I didn't mean to make it seem like I was saying they go hand-in-hand. Just stating the things I know he is not into. But, that being said, gaining and feederism tend to create women who are on "the larger end of the scale", some of whom are SSBBWs. I know he isn't into all that. And by "stuff" I mean just SSBBWs in general. He isn't into larger women and might be a little weirded out by the level of admiration/adoration and the different pics. I'm sure he is aware that places like Dims exist...just not so sure I'd want him to associate me with liking every aspect of it since I don't. I don't want him to peruse the site and think that I'm into everything Dims has to offer.

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Old 03-27-2011, 04:35 PM   #32
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I didn't mean to make it seem like I was saying they go hand-in-hand. Just stating the things I know he is not into. But, that being said, gaining and feederism tend to create women who are on "the larger end of the scale", some of whom are SSBBWs. I know he isn't into all that. And by "stuff" I mean just SSBBWs in general. He isn't into larger women and might be a little weirded out by the level of admiration/adoration and the different pics. I'm sure he is aware that places like Dims exist...just not so sure I'd want him to associate me with liking every aspect of it since I don't. I don't want him to peruse the site and think that I'm into everything Dims has to offer.
If he's not a judgemental person 'by any means' as you noted, then what is wrong with him seeing SSBBW 'stuff' 'in general'?

He'd be weirded out that people are actually attracted and aroused by SSBBWs? Or is it you that's weirded out?

No attack, I'm genuinely curious.
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Old 03-27-2011, 04:37 PM   #33
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Dims has always been kind of a safe place for me. I think I joined when I was 15 and started posting when I was 16 (I've since turned 18). I'm not sure why I became so attached to this particular site, but I find myself more willing to vent here than I have been on other websites. It might just be because it was one of the first fat communities that I began to participate in. That said, because it is a safe place for me, I asked my boyfriend not to join until I could get more comfortable with the idea of somebody so close to me coming into the area that I felt to be safe for me. I've become more comfortable with the idea of him joining and being active, and honestly, more reluctant in general to broadcast my grievances in any detail in any public internet website. He has joined, but I don't think he's active at all.

When I was talking to other boys during our brief and traumatizing stint in non-monogamy, I would occasionally recommend them to come here if they seemed relatively new to the FA community, simply because I wasn't invested in them at all and it didn't particularly bother me that they might see my posts.
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Old 03-28-2011, 06:21 AM   #34
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Quote:
This doesn't sound like a healthy relationship. You shouldn't have to hide anything from him and he shouldn't try to stop you from accessing whatever website you want. It also sounds like he's putting an unhealthy amount of pressure on you to lose weight. You shouldn't be losing weight for him, or for anyone. If you want to make changes for your own health, thats fantastic.. if you're trying to push yourself to a specific number or shape or size or whatever to please him.. that's not good. It won't make you happy, and it won't solve whatever problems you're having in your relationship with him. He sounds like a controller.. and that won't change no matter how happy you try to make him. I usually try to refrain from commenting on other peoples relationships, but I had to say something.
Thatgirl08, thank you for your input. I am diffently trying to loose weight for my health and I want a baby! I have to take a heart medicine that on no circumstance can I get pregnant on. It could kill the baby or me. Loosing weight would either cure the heart problem are allow me to have the surgery I need to correct the problem. The pressure I feel from my significant other only comes from the part where he want marry me right now. He very much likes my weight but wants a long life with me. I do feel we have issues but he is good to me. I just don't know how to make him happy! I do have to ask help and I do say hand me this or that a lot. This is a problem, because for me since I have lost 300 lbs I do so much more for my self yet it still not enough. I have this OCD issue where I want my apartment super clean dinner cooked ( everything perfect) and then when he comes home I am super tired an because he makes no demands on me to do those things when I say I am tired and ask him to so something after being at school all day this is when he gets upset. I wish I knew how to come to a happy place with this situation , does anyone else have this issue?
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Old 03-28-2011, 07:18 AM   #35
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If he's not a judgemental person 'by any means' as you noted, then what is wrong with him seeing SSBBW 'stuff' 'in general'?

He'd be weirded out that people are actually attracted and aroused by SSBBWs? Or is it you that's weirded out?

No attack, I'm genuinely curious.
No offense taken I can see how it would be a little confusing. I'm a little confused about my own feelings about this whole matter of my SO seeing this site. I feel on the one hand that there's nothing wrong with anything on this site, but I also feel embarrassed to have him KNOW I come here and to see what certain parts of this community are about. I know it's probably hypocritical and I should explore my feelings on this more and figure out what's causing it. As it stands right now, I think I'd be weirded out by him seeing it...if that makes sense? I mean, it doesn't weird me out that it's there and that people find it attractive and arousing. To each their own. But it's not really a mainstream thing and I think it would be weird for me to have him looking. Like I said, he's not judgemental, but I think the issue is more that I am projecting how I feel onto him. I'd be uncomfortable with him viewing it, so I'm assuming he might be weirded out. It's probably more of an excuse to justify not wanting him to come here.

Wow. I think I just "Dr. Freud"ed myself...
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Old 03-28-2011, 09:25 AM   #36
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Someone from the boards said something to me yesterday that I think cuts to the heart of this for me. She said, "Once someone sees something, they can't UNSEE it." And I guess there are certain things here that I don't want my bf to think about when he thinks about me (or when he thinks about fat people in general) - and even as much as people can rationally tell themselves that a certain image/activity is not a part of their relationship, sometimes images or ideas imprint themselves in ways that can be hard to shake - and depending on what those images/ideas are, it can be destructive.
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Old 03-28-2011, 06:01 PM   #37
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Someone from the boards said something to me yesterday that I think cuts to the heart of this for me. She said, "Once someone sees something, they can't UNSEE it." And I guess there are certain things here that I don't want my bf to think about when he thinks about me (or when he thinks about fat people in general) - and even as much as people can rationally tell themselves that a certain image/activity is not a part of their relationship, sometimes images or ideas imprint themselves in ways that can be hard to shake - and depending on what those images/ideas are, it can be destructive.
Dims is a complicated place filled with potentially scary ideas, but then again, so is the world. If your boyfriend is caring, rational, and intelligent enough to be worth his relationship salt - and I'm betting he is - he will be able to adapt to the notion that you share boardspace with controversial fat interest groups a,b, and c without necessarily sharing their interests or even condoning them. He will also be able to appropriately contextualize those controversial fat interests for himself in an honest and healthy way, if he hasn't already.

If you're afraid that Dims might awaken a latent fetish or make him fearful that because he finds you attractive he might have some sort of creepy issue, I'd relax. The former you have no control over and the latter seems unlikely given the fact that he openly and contentedly dates a fat person.

It sounds like an issue of timing more than anything. Maybe right now isn't the time to throw him head-first into the boards or even to have an in-depth talk about what really happens at Dims, but as you get more serious some sort of detailed Dimscussion will become inevitable, because fat politics and Dims are important to you. This might not be a place he should or would even want to frequent, but he ought to be capable of facing the idea of what happens here, and you are more than capable of helping him do that. :*
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Old 03-29-2011, 03:45 PM   #38
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Someone from the boards said something to me yesterday that I think cuts to the heart of this for me. She said, "Once someone sees something, they can't UNSEE it." And I guess there are certain things here that I don't want my bf to think about when he thinks about me (or when he thinks about fat people in general) - and even as much as people can rationally tell themselves that a certain image/activity is not a part of their relationship, sometimes images or ideas imprint themselves in ways that can be hard to shake - and depending on what those images/ideas are, it can be destructive.
Ya know... I think this might be the crux of it for me...I couldn't express it like this, but yeah... I think that's it.
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Old 03-29-2011, 03:57 PM   #39
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I'm new, but thought I'd weigh in... right after I registered I sent my husband a link to the site and said, "Hey, look at this great forum I discovered! You should join." He won't, but only really because of lack of interest. He's not a fat admirer, I think he was surprised that fat admirers exist. We met when I was a lot smaller (in the midst of a severe restrictive eating disorder) and though he has no issue with my gaining 100+ lbs as I've recovered from the eating disorder, I don't think someone my size is his "type," in a vacuum. If that makes sense

The guy I'm dating, however (I'm polyamorous, in an open marriage) probably knows something about Dimensions and definitely knows what a fat admirer is. I thought he was an FA at first, because his fiancee is about my size (though quite a bit shorter), and his other girlfriend is a small BBW, but he said that he wasn't hard-wired FA. Which is cool. I've dated/loved men of all sizes. My first kiss was an amazing BHM (oo, melt), one of my first major crushes was a different BHM (with such a singing voice!), my first long-term BF was extremely light, and so on down the line.

I would love to introduce my husband to Dimensions more, however, because I think he'd really benefit from being exposed to a group of men who do find fat attractive. He was raised in our lovely anti-fat culture and though I think he's not hardwired to be attracted to thin women, has absorbed some of the negative notions of fat (that it can't be attractive, that there's something dirty or bad about it, or that it's negatively reflective of the character of the individual who is fat, and so on). He's a convert to size acceptance these past few years, but still, the cult of thin = beautiful is a rather lingering thing.
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