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Old 10-09-2006, 08:51 PM   #51
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Default "Love came along later in life" by Molly Millett . . .

Quote:
Originally Posted by saucywench
This story always makes me both wistful and hopeful each time I hear it, Ho Ho. There's something particularly poignant about it that speaks to me in ways that more conventional love stories don't. I just know that, if an older man such as yourself were to enter my life, I wouldn't hesitate to make a similar commitment. I doubt I could say that about a much younger man, though, but--stranger things have happened.

Congratulations on your good fortune, which I hope carries you through the rest of your days.
With enough time, and a bit of luck, love comes . . .

This story appeared in one of our local papers. It is under copyright, so I will just leave a teaser here, and a link to the full story. I hope that you can read it, Saucy. You will find this poignant too.

Posted on Sun, Oct. 01, 2006

Love came along later in life
BY MOLLY MILLETT
Pioneer Press

Mabel Klosterboer wasn't ready to get married until she was 84.

"Three times, I considered proposals, but I had other things I wanted to do," says Mabel, now 85. "I wanted to travel and teach."

So, instead of saying "I do," Mabel saw the world. . . .

When Mabel finally slowed down in her 80s, she found widower Kermit Stenerson waiting for her. . .

"As we said goodbye, Kermit held my hand. . . Mabel says. "And it was with that warm handshake that I thought, 'Maybe this could develop into something.' . . . So, when Kermit proposed, Mabel said yes.

You can read the full story here:
http://www.twincities.com/mld/pioneerpress/15632185.htm
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Old 10-09-2006, 08:58 PM   #52
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Originally Posted by TallFatSue
Anyway I think the key to a good long healthy marriage, at least in my case, is to marry your best friend. A torrid romance is well and good, but deep abiding affection lasts and lasts.
I can't agree more, TFS (btw Art is one lucky man! ). We aren't really taught well about the seriousness of marriage, what it means, the true life committment. For me, it became a whole lot more serious with children. Any breaking of vows doesn't just hurt the partner, but the innocents who will bear the true pain through the most impressionable part of their lives. When one thinks about the true scope of that responsibility, I can say that there is no woman on the face of this earth who could break my marriage, save one. And that is my wife.

But on behalf of all husbands, let's all say the Man's Prayer (Red Green Show):

"I am a man...
but I can change...
if I have to...
I guess."
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Old 10-09-2006, 09:30 PM   #53
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Thanks for the link, Ho Ho; I did read the story in full and it was quite heartwarming.

It has always seemed in my nature to be more of an observer than a doer when it comes to engaging fully in the world around me. Mabel sounds like a woman who truly lives in the moment, and that is quite admirable and perhaps something I should aspire to.

A good friend once told me that it won't matter if I'm 85 when I meet the man of my dreams. If we have but one year together to know and experience the type of love for which I yearn before death takes one of us, it would have been well worth the wait. And I suppose that is true.

There was a similar story in my town. A librarian here at the medical school where I work, an unmarried woman in her 60s, met her husband a few years back. By all accounts they are quite happy together.

On a side note, and only tangentially related, if you have never seen One, the movie, I highly recommend it. I see it will now be available on DVD, and I've got my order in.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Ho Ho Tai
With enough time, and a bit of luck, love comes . . .

This story appeared in one of our local papers. It is under copyright, so I will just leave a teaser here, and a link to the full story. I hope that you can read it, Saucy. You will find this poignant too.

Posted on Sun, Oct. 01, 2006

Love came along later in life
BY MOLLY MILLETT
Pioneer Press

Mabel Klosterboer wasn't ready to get married until she was 84.

"Three times, I considered proposals, but I had other things I wanted to do," says Mabel, now 85. "I wanted to travel and teach."

So, instead of saying "I do," Mabel saw the world. . . .

When Mabel finally slowed down in her 80s, she found widower Kermit Stenerson waiting for her. . .

"As we said goodbye, Kermit held my hand. . . Mabel says. "And it was with that warm handshake that I thought, 'Maybe this could develop into something.' . . . So, when Kermit proposed, Mabel said yes.

You can read the full story here:
http://www.twincities.com/mld/pioneerpress/15632185.htm
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Old 10-10-2006, 09:02 AM   #54
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Originally Posted by saucywench

A good friend once told me that it won't matter if I'm 85 when I meet the man of my dreams. If we have but one year together to know and experience the type of love for which I yearn before death takes one of us, it would have been well worth the wait. And I suppose that is true.

There was a similar story in my town. A librarian here at the medical school where I work, an unmarried woman in her 60s, met her husband a few years back. By all accounts they are quite happy together.

On a side note, and only tangentially related, if you have never seen One, the movie, I highly recommend it. I see it will now be available on DVD, and I've got my order in.
Saucy -

Thanks for the tip on the film. We'll keep an eye out for it.

I have a similar story from among my own circle of friends. When I was in high school, some of formed an astronomy club, based at a local observatory which a former amateur had built and given to the local college when he died. (An aside: this was the Darling Astronomy Club, named for John Henry Darling, a Duluth harbor engineer who built it at the age of 70, in 1905. He used it regularly, summer and winter, until his death at age 95. Tough old sod!)

One of the other members was about ten years older than I. Over the years, we lost contact, but I looked him up a few years ago. His wife had passed away, and he had taken up with a former high school flame, at age 75. They had gotten together again while working on a brochure for their high school reunion.

I talk to them regularly, and we get together for lunch when we are in Duluth. They never married, but have stayed together and are happy as clams. They are fierce dancers and hit the VFW every Friday night. I kid him that I can sometimes see a glow on the northern horizon on Friday nights, from the heat of their shoe soles. We joined in a few times, but frankly, can't keep up with them.

They have had more than that one year together. It's been close to ten years now. But I think they would have been happy just to have the last dance together.
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Old 10-10-2006, 02:11 PM   #55
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Originally Posted by TallFatSue
In retrospect, if Mr. Right hadn't practically fallen into my lap, who knows if I would have ever married? I sure didn't need a man to make my life complete, but there he was, and I had the sense to recognize he was indeed my soulmate. I also had the good sense (when he kept turning up to tell me his latest fat jokes) to brazenly kick him in the ass and triple-dare him to take me on a date and treat me like a lady. Now what do I have to show for it? 24 years of happy marriage, that's what. Although I'm deleriously happy as a married woman, I'd probably be just as happy as a single woman. On the other hand, my life probably wouldn't have taken so many happily bizarre twists and turns. Art & I went into this marriage with our eyes wide open, and our hearts followed.

Thank goodness Art has improved his approach to romance, but in retrospect he had nowhere to go but up. I remember when I was 20 and he was 18, I expressed a concern about being slightly older. He said it was perfect, because woman live slightly longer than men, so we'd probably die about the same time. After I spit my Pepsi all over him, he relaized that perhaps he should have phrased it differently. And during our legendary first date, I was so nervous I had the hiccups half the evening, and Art was transfixed watching my sizeable breasts bounce every 5 seconds. That's when he said that life would never be dull with me around, which wasn't the most romantic utterance, but I chose to interpret that he envisioned a good long compatible future together. However one side effect is that to this day, whenever I get the hiccups, Art wants to jump into the sack.


I overheard a similar conversation at a family reunion, when one of my female cousins was asked why she never married. However the pièce de résistance was when one of my more ignorant male cousins put his foot in his mouth: "If Sue can get married, surely you can get married." I was within earshot, and before I threw a lamp at his head, I said, "You have 60 seconds to explain yourself." Not that he had the most stellar marriage himself. He stammered and stuttered until one of my other cousins said, "What's the matter, Wally? Crap in your pants? Oh, on you it looks good."

Too many people marry for the wrong reasons. Maybe they're pressured into it, or maybe some women just want to have a wedding that will be the envy of the city (but forgetting that, oh yeah, the groom comes home with me now). My distant cousin Bill is a prime example of a man who didn't care what a woman was really like, as long as she was *hot*. At our wedding, Bill congratulated my new husband Art on the whale he had just landed. Bill has yet to learn his lesson. "Gee, Bill, if it's your 3rd nasty divorce, maybe the problem is *you*!"

Anyway I think the key to a good long healthy marriage, at least in my case, is to marry your best friend. A torrid romance is well and good, but deep abiding affection lasts and lasts.
This story brings a BIG smile on my face. Thank you for sharing Sue. I marked the last line, which explains it all I think.
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Old 11-11-2006, 10:11 PM   #56
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Default Saucy - Yet another story . . .

Quote:
Originally Posted by saucywench
Thanks for the link, Ho Ho; I did read the story in full and it was quite heartwarming.

It has always seemed in my nature to be more of an observer than a doer when it comes to engaging fully in the world around me. Mabel sounds like a woman who truly lives in the moment, and that is quite admirable and perhaps something I should aspire to.

A good friend once told me that it won't matter if I'm 85 when I meet the man of my dreams. If we have but one year together to know and experience the type of love for which I yearn before death takes one of us, it would have been well worth the wait. And I suppose that is true.

There was a similar story in my town. A librarian here at the medical school where I work, an unmarried woman in her 60s, met her husband a few years back. By all accounts they are quite happy together.

On a side note, and only tangentially related, if you have never seen One, the movie, I highly recommend it. I see it will now be available on DVD, and I've got my order in.
Saucy, and the rest of the contributors to this thread: Perhaps I should have left this thread to die a natural death, but another pair of stories appeared in our local paper which fit just too well to resist. Frankly, I hope that this thread stays alive as long as hope stays alive - and I hope that's forever.

Here are links to the stories.

Nov. 5, 2005:Invisible men
If John Senenfelder were sitting across a table from an eligible woman, this is what he would tell her:… Gail Rosenblum
http://www.startribune.com/218/story/190596.html

11/11/2006 Invisible no more
Just over a year ago, John Senenfelder and Deb Casserly met for a cup of coffee at a Caribou in New Hope. This would hardly be newsworthy, except for one thing.…
http://www.startribune.com/218/story/801970.html
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Old 11-12-2006, 09:32 PM   #57
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What sweet stories! I keep telling my 40 year old brother-in-law that he should never give up. Those stories are proof that love and romance are still very much alive. Thanks Ho Ho!

~Punkin
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Old 11-13-2006, 05:35 AM   #58
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Ho Ho, I didn't want you to think that I had ignored you. I read the stories first thing yesterday morning. I will respond in PM when I am able. Thank you for your consideration.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ho Ho Tai
Saucy, and the rest of the contributors to this thread: Perhaps I should have left this thread to die a natural death, but another pair of stories appeared in our local paper which fit just too well to resist. Frankly, I hope that this thread stays alive as long as hope stays alive - and I hope that's forever.

Here are links to the stories.

Nov. 5, 2005:Invisible men
If John Senenfelder were sitting across a table from an eligible woman, this is what he would tell her:… Gail Rosenblum
http://www.startribune.com/218/story/190596.html

11/11/2006 Invisible no more
Just over a year ago, John Senenfelder and Deb Casserly met for a cup of coffee at a Caribou in New Hope. This would hardly be newsworthy, except for one thing.…
http://www.startribune.com/218/story/801970.html
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Old 11-13-2006, 08:27 AM   #59
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Ho Ho Tai
Saucy, and the rest of the contributors to this thread: Perhaps I should have left this thread to die a natural death, but another pair of stories appeared in our local paper which fit just too well to resist. Frankly, I hope that this thread stays alive as long as hope stays alive - and I hope that's forever.

Here are links to the stories.

Nov. 5, 2005:Invisible men
If John Senenfelder were sitting across a table from an eligible woman, this is what he would tell her:… Gail Rosenblum
http://www.startribune.com/218/story/190596.html

11/11/2006 Invisible no more
Just over a year ago, John Senenfelder and Deb Casserly met for a cup of coffee at a Caribou in New Hope. This would hardly be newsworthy, except for one thing.…
http://www.startribune.com/218/story/801970.html

I have to admit to being shallow, I guess. If I were still dating, I'd never consider dating a 57 year old who lived with his mother. If a guy still lives with his mother, he'd better be in school full time or under 24 or so.

When I got to 40, I just gave up. I figure that all that time can be better spent doing something more productive than fruitlessly searching for a potentially acceptable partner. If I couldn't get a date at 38 or 39, why should I be able to get one now that I'm 40? I'm probably too old to procreate, and I don't have a sex drive to speak of, so really, why bother?
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Old 11-13-2006, 09:37 AM   #60
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Originally Posted by moonvine
I have to admit to being shallow, I guess. If I were still dating, I'd never consider dating a 57 year old who lived with his mother. If a guy still lives with his mother, he'd better be in school full time or under 24 or so.

When I got to 40, I just gave up. I figure that all that time can be better spent doing something more productive than fruitlessly searching for a potentially acceptable partner. If I couldn't get a date at 38 or 39, why should I be able to get one now that I'm 40? I'm probably too old to procreate, and I don't have a sex drive to speak of, so really, why bother?
I didn't date for 15 years, Moon, and found a sweetie at the age of 47.

And a 57 year old living with his mother may be taking care of her. Oh, yeah, the 15 years not dating was raising son and taking care of elderly mother years.
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Old 11-13-2006, 09:43 AM   #61
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Originally Posted by Jane
I didn't date for 15 years, Moon, and found a sweetie at the age of 47.

And a 57 year old living with his mother may be taking care of her. Oh, yeah, the 15 years not dating was raising son and taking care of elderly mother years.

Honestly I can't see myself dating a 57 year old. Maybe if I was 70?

So, the 15 years was by your choice and not because no one wanted to date you?
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Old 11-13-2006, 10:01 AM   #62
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Originally Posted by moonvine
Honestly I can't see myself dating a 57 year old. Maybe if I was 70?

So, the 15 years was by your choice and not because no one wanted to date you?
"Date" conveys a wide range of options. LOL

I certainly never gave any signals indicating I wanted to date anyone. I ran off several people who made overtures that they wanted to get to know me better, or changed it into friendship if that was an option.

Trust me, in those years, it was a mutual thing. I did nothing to attract, and saw nothing I was attracted to.
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Old 11-13-2006, 10:39 AM   #63
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Originally Posted by thislittlepiggy
Good point, GeorgeNL ... why are these studies focused on women? Why didn't Newsweek in 1986 offer overblown statistics meant to frighten men that their marriage prospects were dire? I think Newsweek was incredibly irresponsible to print what it did in 1986. I'm sure many despaired based on their "study," and to come along twenty years after say "Oops!" doesn't make it all better.

Probably because there's still the attitude of women that don't marry being "old maids" while men who don't are just bachelors. It may be the 21st century but some ways of thinking are still a couple centuries behind.
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Old 11-13-2006, 10:42 AM   #64
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Probably because there's still the attitude of women that don't marry being "old maids" while men who don't are just bachelors.
Hey, I prefer to refer to myself as a "spinster", TYVM.
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Old 11-13-2006, 11:13 AM   #65
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So, the 15 years was by your choice and not because no one wanted to date you?
And thank you for this Moon....
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Old 11-13-2006, 07:41 PM   #66
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Originally Posted by Star Tribune
Women have complained forever that at a certain age, or weight, or at the first sign of gray, they become invisible to men. But plenty of men say they experience the same painful thing. They say women are too picky, too judgmental, even hypocritical - plenty interested when you're already taken, but not worth a smile when you're available again.

Others say that only "bad guys" or hot guys get noticed. The law-abiding, the average-looking, the pot-bellied, the graying, might as well be wearing invisibility cloaks.
I never truly realized the full extent of the "women going ga-ga over hot men" phenomenon until it kinda hit me out of left field. One of my favorite authors is Denise Swanson ( http://www.DeniseSwanson.com ) who writes a pretty cool series of mysteries set in the Midwest. She came to a library in the Toledo area a few months ago during a book tour of Ohio, and after her lecture we got a nice big discussion going. It's great to see a successful supersize woman work a crowd (below is my pic of her in action). Her latest book is Murder of a Real Bad Boy, and the victim is a shady contractor who conned several women in town because he was so hot-looking that they fell for him, hook, line and sinker.

The sleuth in Denise Swanson's books is a large-size woman who is torn between two lovers. First of all, it's really cool to read about a fat woman with no shortage of boyfriends. Secondly, I was surprised that some of her other readers are verrrry opinionated about which guy her sleuth should end up with, to the point of several women having arguments in the audience. Sheesh, it's fiction! One lover is kinda dull and stiff, but he is stable, makes very good money, drives a Lexus and takes her to great restaurants. The other lover is a police chief with a mysterious past and a crazy ex-wife. Anyway, the leading lady had a spat with the dull but stable boyfriend, and so she starts dating the sexy but mysterious police chief. I'll bet at least 3/4 of the women in the audience said her sleuth should dump the dull boyfriend and go for the police chief because "he's so hot." Hey, I have hormones too, but lust alone does not a successful relationship make. My husband leaned over to me and said he thought that only men threw reason out the window when they see hot babes, but it looks like plenty of women fall for hot men or bad boys without really thinking too. Maybe that's why so many people get into bad marriages?

Thank goodness I married a nerdy engineer who is none too flashy but is a really great guy, nice and stable, and earns big bucks too. And thank goodness he fell in love with a strong-willed and opinionated obese woman like me.

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Old 11-13-2006, 09:08 PM   #67
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Originally Posted by TallFatSue
I never truly realized the full extent of the "women going ga-ga over hot men" phenomenon until it kinda hit me out of left field. One of my favorite authors is Denise Swanson . . .

Thank goodness I married a nerdy engineer who is none too flashy but is a really great guy, nice and stable, and earns big bucks too. And thank goodness he fell in love with a strong-willed and opinionated obese woman like me.
Sue - reading your last paragraph, suddenly this bit of nonsense jumped into my head:

Jack Sprat, he liked 'em fat.
His wife, she liked 'em lean.
And so, between the two of them
They're one mean love machine!

Additional comment: I'm not a mystery fan, but Mrs. Ho Ho is. She is quite familiar with Denise.

In times of yore, old married folks like us used to sit together in front of the fireplace in the evening, and share the stories of their day. Our equivalent is Mrs. Ho Ho seated at her laptop on the sunporch, while I hammer away on mine on the sofa. We are within calling distance, but the main thing we do is share e-mail, news items, and Dim threads. I can't always make out her words, but I can always hear her laughter.
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Old 11-17-2006, 06:58 AM   #68
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Originally Posted by Ho Ho Tai
Additional comment: I'm not a mystery fan, but Mrs. Ho Ho is. She is quite familiar with Denise.
I know many Dimensions denizens prefer books that make fat a central issue, but I love the way Denise Swanson handles it. At the talks she's given in Ohio and Michigan, I've noticed that many other fat women love it too. Yes she's fat and so is her leading lady, and yes sometimes her weight complicates her life, but mostly it's perfectly all right. After her formal talk last August I saw several fat women clustered around her ("Hey, it's a group of fat women! I'll bet they're talking about something good!") so I joined in, just in time to hear one say something like "Thank you for featuring a full-figured woman. I love it. I have always been overweight, and I now have an excellent role model for self-confidence. It is delightful that Skye has two men who want her." Swanson said she was really glad to hear that, because she was always fat too, but she never let that stand in her way, and one of the things she wanted to convey is that a woman can be be attractive and desirable at any size.

I also got the impression from these talks that too many fat girls and women believe the garbage that their families and friends heap on them: if you're fat, then you range from less than perfect to downright worthless. My mother told me that too, and I believed her for years, but finally in high school I rebelled and said, "Oh yeah? Well, I'll show you!" In my rebellious youth I became just vain enough to carry my fat proudly as a symbol of my independence, and I honestly believed that more than a few men would find me attractive, fat or no fat. Maybe one reason I began to see cracks in her criticisms was that my father was very supportive of me. Try as she might, my mother could never persuade him that my obesity was one of the greatest evils ever visited upon womankind. Finally, after years of my mother telling me I was way too fat ever to find a good husband, lo and behold I found my Mr. Right when I was 20. Art found my personality so intriguing that he fell in love with my entire package. We dated for 5 years, and my mother couldn't believe that Art found me desirable, and told me not too get my hopes up. "What? You mean someday he'll suddenly notice that I'm obese?" I don't know what was more fun to watch at my wedding: my mother's pride at being mother of the bride, or her finally having to admit she was just plain wrong.

All of this is from my own very narrow experience in the dating scene, which was complicated because it was during those few hellish years known as the disco late 1970s! I dated when I was young, found a great guy and exited the dating pool. But of the women who find love only late in life, or never find love at all, I wonder how much is due to a chronic shortage of Mr. Rights, and how much is due to lack of self-esteem sending out bad vibes to prospective Mr. Rights. Is self-confidence, or a lack thereof, a self-fulfilling prophecy?
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Old 11-18-2006, 01:50 AM   #69
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Default RE: Marriage by the Numbers

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Originally Posted by XTallFatSue
too many fat girls and women believe the garbage that their families and friends heap on them: if you're fat, then you range from less than perfect to downright worthless.
Other than Dimensions and BBW Magazines, what other mass media presents BBWs in a positive light? So much of the world around you is telling BBWs that they are less human to one extent or another, because they are larger than many other women, it is difficult to have a positive image of ones self.

Quote:
Originally Posted by TallFatSue
In my rebellious youth I became just vain enough to carry my fat proudly as a symbol of my independence
I honestly believed that more than a few men would find me attractive, fat or no fat.
Your confidence in yourself is 'very' uncommon!

Quote:
Originally Posted by TallFatSue
my mother couldn't believe that Art found me desirable
My mother could not understand why I found only BBW's attractive? I found it amusing around 1995, I did the calculations on my girlfriends height versus weight. What I found the each girlfriend was heavier (pounds per inch of height!) than her predecessor. Their ranged in height/weight ratio from;
Ht. _____ Wt. ___ Ratio
5'-4" ___ 180 ___ 2.73
5'-1" ___ 175 ___ 2.86
5'-5" ___ 220 ___ 3.38
5'-8" ___ 240 ___ 3.53

their weight per inch of height increased.
[Gawd I love math!]

Quote:
Originally Posted by TallFatSue
I dated when I was young, found a great guy and exited the dating pool.
But of the women who find love only late in life, or never find love at all, I wonder how much is due to a chronic shortage of Mr. Rights,
how much is due to lack of self-esteem sending out bad vibes to prospective Mr. Rights.
Is self-confidence, or a lack thereof, a self-fulfilling prophecy?
I feel it is a combination of both. It is more difficult to love someone who doesn't love thereself.
The percentage of men who are serious about relationships and just playing the field in today's contemporary society is not high enough for there to be enough men for each BBW.
The number of women in this country is greater than the number of men. The number of men (percentage wise) who prefer BBWs/SSBBWs is far smaller than the number of BBWs who want a serious long term relationship of one type or another.

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Old 11-18-2006, 06:28 AM   #70
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Default True but...

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Originally Posted by Adrian
The number of men (percentage wise) who prefer BBWs/SSBBWs is far smaller than the number of BBWs who want a serious long term relationship of one type or another.

Adrian
Sue has said in previous posts that her husband was not an FA prior to meeting her, that his interest was in her, in particular, not in finding a BBW. There have been several discussions about whether or not BBW's and BHM's prefer dating FA's. Some say they would rather a man like them for THEM and not their size, and some say they prefer not dating FA's because they worry about the FA's being more interested in their body size/shape than in them.

So not only do larger people sometimes prefer dating those who don't self identify as FA's, but sometimes non-FA's find themselves surprised that they have become intrigued by a larger person.
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Old 11-19-2006, 01:06 AM   #71
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Default RE: Marriage by the Numbers

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Originally Posted by LoveBHMS
Sue has said in previous posts that her husband was not an FA prior to meeting her, that his interest was in her, in particular, not in finding a BBW
I realize this but, thrust of my point is most men, especially young do have a definite preference in aspects of a potential mates appearance/size. Most men will accept a more dynamic range of physical features than they prefer though.
In my sixty-two years, from the depths of ghettos, to engineering rooms or, professional associations..... I have met less than a half dozen men who profess to have no real preference in a woman's size/physical features. I have met more men who have a preference for other men than those who have no preference for a women's size.

Quote:
Originally Posted by LoveBHMS
There have been several discussions about whether or not BBW's and BHM's prefer dating FA's. Some say they would rather a man like them for THEM and not their size
But, isn't that true for a fair percentage of women, not just BBWs?

Men and women approach the same intersection from different streets, so to speak. Once at the intersection each person will describe what they see as accurately as they but the descriptions will be different. Their perspectives are different!

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Old 11-22-2006, 05:57 AM   #72
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Originally Posted by LoveBHMS
Sue has said in previous posts that her husband was not an FA prior to meeting her, that his interest was in her, in particular, not in finding a BBW.
Many a time Art has said he's amazed that despite his previous preference for thin girls, he fell in love with the fattest girl he ever met. He's also extremely glad he did, and I second that motion. If Hollywood could ever learn to treat fat women in a positive manner, our romance would make a cool screwball comedy. Art was soooo clueless about how to deal with all this fat, but by golly he learned. This ranged from "Um, Art, there's no way I'll fit in that chair" to "Yes, Art, you can go right ahead and squeeze my fat."
Quote:
Originally Posted by Adrian
I realize this but, thrust of my point is most men, especially young do have a definite preference in aspects of a potential mates appearance/size. Most men will accept a more dynamic range of physical features than they prefer though.
Some of my coworkers fit the stereotypical "hot babe" image and say they're sick of being considered only as arm candy for drooling men. One or two have even said they envy me, because they know Art sure didn't judge me solely by my appearance (Wha...??? Um, okay, I'll take that as a compliment). The big reason I've never joined NAAFA is I didn't particularly want men to slobber over me either. When you get right down to it, a preference for thin or fat women is probably learned. After all, we fat women were the height of fashion in Western society until the early 1900s (like this line in the song If I Were a Rich Man: "I see my wife looking like a rich man's wife with a proper double-chin"), and our genetically-programmed preferences couldn't have changed that fast. We're still esteemed in many other cultures. Maybe Art is just a special case because he could unlearn one set of ideals and learn to love my fat. Just to be on the safe side, though, methinks he needs frequent refresher courses, in the form of encouraging him to give me a full-body massage every evening. Oh, the sacrifices I make in the name of fat acceptance.

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Old 11-22-2006, 08:42 AM   #73
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Originally Posted by TallFatSue
But of the women who find love only late in life, or never find love at all, I wonder how much is due to a chronic shortage of Mr. Rights, and how much is due to lack of self-esteem sending out bad vibes to prospective Mr. Rights. Is self-confidence, or a lack thereof, a self-fulfilling prophecy?
Not at all. There are an awful lot of thin women with crappy self-esteem who have no problem finding men. Men are willing to overlook a lot of things for the body type they prefer.

I have fabulous self-esteem, have had two *very* brief relationships within the past 10 years, and haven't had a date in well over a year. Got sick of looking and quit - it just isn't important enough to me to expend the amount of time I was expending for no reward. Being an introvert has its problems, but overall I'm glad to be one. If I were one of those people who had to be around people constantly, I'd be miserable.
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Old 11-22-2006, 12:11 PM   #74
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Wink I have to agree . . .

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Originally Posted by moonvine
Honestly I can't see myself dating a 57 year old. Maybe if I was 70?
I AM 70 (or at least, in my 70th year, and I wouldn't date a 57 year old either. Especially since Mrs. Ho Ho is 48.

(Y'know? I think the devil made me write that.)
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Old 11-22-2006, 12:17 PM   #75
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... If I were one of those people who had to be around people constantly, I'd be miserable.
My former best friend was like that. When I spent two weeks with her a year ago, I got real-time knowledge of what her life was like. She didn't seem content to have just me around. She had "friends" dragging themselves, their children, their pets to her house at all hours. If no one was visiting, she would be on the phone constantly. She would hang up from talking with one only to dial another--or her phone would always be ringing.

I can't live that way. I can't even be around someone who lives that way. I'd rather be the recluse that I'm becoming than to be so desperate for human contact that I make no distinctions or discriminations on who my "friends" are.
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