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Old 06-05-2011, 05:11 PM   #1
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Default Feeders as abusers? Thoughts?

I hope I've posted this in the right forum. Anyhow.

I'm a fan of Womanists Musings and found a cool article here. I'm not sure where I stand on it, though I have to say I actually kind of agree. However, I'd have a bias with ignorance because I've never encountered a Feeder and I don't exactly agree with them conflating a Feeder with all FAs...unless that's essentially what FA means within the SA community and I am wrong. I don't see many feeders or threads about feeding here on this forum outside of maybe the Pay Site board, but; I do see them on Curvage. (And something about Curvage does make me a little uncomfortable. Is it just me?)

Anyhow, I also haven't encountered an actual FA outside of the internet to boot, so maybe there are things I don't know. (My boyfriends/girlfriends have always been thin, shapely, maybe chubby or "hot" by societies standards in one way or another, but I wouldnt call them FAs) But, if I were to get into a relationship with an FA, I'd avoid a Feeder. I figure they should like my body the way it is and not tell me to lose weight...much less gain any?

As a BBW I find myself a bit confused by Feeder/Feedee fetishism. Any BBWs or FAs up for a discussion? Here is the article in question:

http://www.womanist-musings.com/2010...d-feeders.html
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Old 06-10-2011, 09:58 AM   #2
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I hope you see my post in the thunderous crush of responses that came in

I think you're right, that calling all FAs feeders is a faulty syllogism (and maybe that's even true in the reverse, too), but I'm always glad to see people engaging with this topic.

I always think that if you have 2 partners talking to one another and listening to one another and sharing the direction that their sex play and relationship go, then you have a really good start.

But I will also say I am on the fence about the feeder issue and what I've typed above. In relationships of all kinds, it seems one person is dominant, the other more submissive. That may be stated and realized, or not. You may fit my criteria above (2 people sharing a direction and working toward it) but it may still not be healthy. Maybe you put up with your partner's drinking b/c you love him/her; maybe you decide to submerge your desire for a child b/c your partner won't budge on the issue and you don't want to be alone; maybe you don't want to be heavier, but you love the look of excitement you see when you eat another pie...

Personally, I think that all of my time at Dims spent thinking about this topic has left me feeling about it similar to the way I feel about a political system like communism: in theory, it's a reasonable idea, but in practice, it's very easy for the reasonable idea to be hijacked and abused by a Stalin-like character. It's not that it can't work out well, it's that I have often seen it NOT work out well.

What are your thoughts about the article?
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Old 06-10-2011, 10:22 AM   #3
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There are lots of viral men and women out there with eyes scanning the crowd looking for some innocent to take advantage of. You have to be careful and avoid them in every instance but to say that men/women who are turned on by feeding or erotic weight gain are ALL like that is pure fiction. They're out there though and for sure they're undatable. If a guy says to you he wants butt sex and you dont want it what would you do? It's okay to say no I don't want that. You're not obligated to do anything. If you feel coerced it's time to walk away or throw him out. Again, there are plenty of guys out there who will try to pressure you into doing things you don't want to do. Feeders aren't some special kind of thing, just tell them no.
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Old 06-10-2011, 11:15 AM   #4
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The difference between FAs and Feeders is that FAs worship the fat woman and they are attracted to her big body. Feeders like the humiliation and weakness associated with the fat woman.
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Old 06-10-2011, 12:13 PM   #5
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The difference between FAs and Feeders is that FAs worship the fat woman and they are attracted to her big body. Feeders like the humiliation and weakness associated with the fat woman.
Personally, I would say that is a gross generalization, and based on what I've seen here over the years also pretty inaccurate. There do seem to be FA without gain interests who like the humiliation and weakness aspects, there are feeders who see gaining as a positive thing.

*shrug* We all see and experience different things, so we'll come to different conclusions.
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Old 06-10-2011, 12:24 PM   #6
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There are many different feeders and FAs out there however society will often make an assumption that a feeder is a very controlling man.

No seriously, everytime I've heard of feeders being mentioned within the mainstream they often talk about how the feeder manipulates low self-esteem women to gain weight for his own selfish pleasure. And that they'll make the women immobile so that they can control her entire life.

Society could not comprehend that a women would willfully gain weight not only for her lovers pleasure but for her own OR that a women would want fat men.

Hence the stereotype, creepy controlling men who want to manipulate women.

The thing is, as we know there are also mutual gainers, female feeders, and women who actually like being fat.

Are there men out there that are controlling? Yes, but not everyone is. Best be careful like you would for most people you meet online.
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Old 06-10-2011, 12:41 PM   #7
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Interesting topic. In my experience (which is admittedly limited) there are men who prefer chubby, bigger, plus size women. Then there are Fas who like more than just a larger woman but love the fat on the larger woman. Then there are feeders. Feeders run the gambit of mild to extreme. A feeder might be someone who wants to feed a lover or friend just for the pleasure of watching them enjoy a meal. A more extreme Feeder might be someone who wants to feed someone else until they are so fat they are immobile. In some cases feeders have been abusive. These cases might be rare but they are the one's that stand out and get pointed to as examples. My advice would be to know thy self. If you are not a feedee or foodee then be straight forward about it. If you are a feedee just make your limits clear.
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Old 06-10-2011, 01:03 PM   #8
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Originally Posted by Juice View Post
The difference between FAs and Feeders is that FAs worship the fat woman and they are attracted to her big body. Feeders like the humiliation and weakness associated with the fat woman.
I'm a feeder and I can't stand humiliation. I never once roleplayed by calling someone "stupid fat piggy" or shit like that. If that's what gets you gff more power to ya but not everyone is like that.

Not every F/A worships bbw's either. I love and respect my g/f to death but I'm far from the "yes dear" approach. Again, if you're into worship and BDSM that's fine but not everyone is.

Any other generalizations?
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Old 06-10-2011, 01:31 PM   #9
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'Feeder' can be defined so as to be almost a useless category. I love BBWs and - I'm willing to bet this is a very common correlation - I also LOOOVE weight gain. My wife has gained weight more or less non-stop through our decade of marriage (she's 5'2 and somewhere around 260 now) and every time it becomes noticeable, it just drives me wild. Obviously, I also enjoy it when she does things that lead to weight gain, i.e., overeating, both in the day to day sense of just generally having a big appetite, and in the more exceptional sense of REALLY overdoing it at a given sitting. In fact, seeing her absolutely stuffed is one of the hugest turn-ons of my life.

But I don't take any particular thrill in being the CAUSE of all this.

In the early stages of our relationship, I did dabble now and then in active encouragement (a lot of which just involved making lots and lots of fattening food available, taking her out to dessert places, etc.). For a little while, whenever she would say she was full, I would assert that she should 'finish her plate,' which she would then do, almost mechanically (obediently?). But what would turn me on about that was not the subtle power exerted but rather the result, i.e., her being stuffed.

I didn't keep this sort of thing up, though. That's partly because I didn't like the power dynamic, but also because there's just no need. She loves food, is fundamentally a BBW, and gains plenty, about 10 lbs a year, on her own. Since I personally have no desire for her to be handicapped by obesity, it's probably for the best.

From those early days, I think we had the potential to be a clear-cut feedee-feeder relationship. We didn't go that route. But does the attitude I've outlined qualify me as a feeder?? It's such a vague idea.
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Old 06-10-2011, 01:37 PM   #10
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The difference between FAs and Feeders is that FAs worship the fat woman and they are attracted to her big body. Feeders like the humiliation and weakness associated with the fat woman.
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Old 06-10-2011, 01:44 PM   #11
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The difference between FAs and Feeders is that FAs worship the fat woman and they are attracted to her big body. Feeders like the humiliation and weakness associated with the fat woman.
Noooo not necessarily-that's too broad a generalization.

Some feedees (female AND male) are dom and that's a WHOLE different dynamic, just one of many dynamics....Yes, worst case scenario, it is possible. It's also possible the feedee is the one calling all the shots.
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Old 06-10-2011, 02:11 PM   #12
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First of all, from what I have seen, half of the feeders are women, and half of the feedees are men. So, there goes one myth down from the start.

I also hate to see people tell two consenting adults what to do.

But with that being said, people should be aware of the situation. Some feeders need to keep feeding, and if a person can't gain any more or is unwilling to gain any more then the feeder will move on.

The hardest part about this, is that the feedee will eventually need to depend on the feeder if there is extreme fattening. And there is no guarantee that two people will be together forever. Even if the feeder doesn't move on because of weight, two people can grow apart for other reasons, or the feeder may die and leave the feedee on their own.

As in any other relationship, the people need to use good jugement. If a feeder has a history of dumping feedees, chances are good it will happen again. Immobility may not be a good option in any case. And hopefully a feedee can tell how hard core the feeder is.
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Old 06-10-2011, 02:30 PM   #13
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The difference between FAs and Feeders is that FAs worship the fat woman and they are attracted to her big body. Feeders like the humiliation and weakness associated with the fat woman.
That's like saying Irish people like to drink and black people like fried chicken. The dynamic you describe exists yes, and even then it can be with a feedee who gets off on the same exact thing, being weak and humiliated.

Other dynamics include the feedee being the powerful one, a feeder who simply likes weight gain visually with nothing else to it, the feeder who justs loves the physical act of feeding and doesn't even care about weight gain, it can be tied into a maternal nurturing dynamic, no two feeders or feedees are the same.

There FA's who are feeders and there feeders who are FA's. There are feeders who aren't FA's and there are FA's who aren't feeders.
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Old 06-10-2011, 02:53 PM   #14
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Let me first I apologize if offended anybody. That was not my intention in any case... Perhaps my opinion, whether wrong or right, is a gross generalization. I don't deny that. I don't have experience with feeders so whatever I say might be wrong. Perhaps I am also brainwashed by the media portraying feeders as men who want women to get so fat that they are immobile, women who cannot take care of themselves. If a FA who enjoys his woman eating her meal or gaining a bit of weight is a Feeder, then my boyfriend is a feeder and I am obviously wrong. So I apologize again.
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Old 06-10-2011, 03:23 PM   #15
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I hope I've posted this in the right forum. Anyhow.

I'm a fan of Womanists Musings and found a cool article here. I'm not sure where I stand on it, though I have to say I actually kind of agree. However, I'd have a bias with ignorance because I've never encountered a Feeder and I don't exactly agree with them conflating a Feeder with all FAs...unless that's essentially what FA means within the SA community and I am wrong. I don't see many feeders or threads about feeding here on this forum outside of maybe the Pay Site board, but; I do see them on Curvage. (And something about Curvage does make me a little uncomfortable. Is it just me?)

Anyhow, I also haven't encountered an actual FA outside of the internet to boot, so maybe there are things I don't know. (My boyfriends/girlfriends have always been thin, shapely, maybe chubby or "hot" by societies standards in one way or another, but I wouldnt call them FAs) But, if I were to get into a relationship with an FA, I'd avoid a Feeder. I figure they should like my body the way it is and not tell me to lose weight...much less gain any?

As a BBW I find myself a bit confused by Feeder/Feedee fetishism. Any BBWs or FAs up for a discussion? Here is the article in question:

http://www.womanist-musings.com/2010...d-feeders.html
I feel sad that you're a fan of that blog, since her blog post there is possibly the most pig ignorant and badly informed blog post I've read in my life. What a load of tripe.

Also, how can you agree with her when you by your own admission really know nothing about feeders? I know several, and NONE of them are this almost mythical kind that they put on documentaries on TV. They choose those same couple of feeders because guess what? Anything less shocking wouldn't be bought by tv channels.
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Old 06-10-2011, 06:19 PM   #16
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While I don't necessarily want to parrot what Ruby Ripples has said, I have to agree most such stories have to be "sensationalized" in some way in order to sell them. All one has to do is look at any American News program and it's "Tabloid Take" on almost everything. I don't consider myself a "feeder" per se, more of an encourager. .

They seem to pull out these "stereotypical" abusers and give the impression this is how things are. . To titillate, frighten perhaps, or to vilify, something or someone, most of the world could possibly understand if they took the time to try and do so. I believe we can agree to disagree on things, and go about our lives peacefully and comfortably. If only we put forth the effort to do so.

Not all psyche's work the same, we aren't stamped out with "cookie cutters" and I am ever so thankful for that. Am I different from people in the "mainstream" yes and no. . However, how can we judge someone on one part of their entirety. . Just my humble musing. . Didn't mean to butt in. .
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Old 06-10-2011, 06:28 PM   #17
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There are variations to feeders as there are variations to vehicles. Body shape, size, color, personality, attitude, sound, etc etc... Some stick out like a sore thumb, others blend in, merging with other vehicles, sometimes even the environment. You cannot represent them all by removing one and glorifying its attributes.
There are stereotypes that exist about feeders and there are ridiculous rumors and generalizations about feeders. There are feeders who fit some of the descriptors and others that do not. Like a master musician, taking a song or a piece of music and shaping it into their own, creating a whole new sense of the same melody or rhythm; feeders come in all types.
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Old 06-10-2011, 06:42 PM   #18
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Let me first I apologize if offended anybody. That was not my intention in any case... Perhaps my opinion, whether wrong or right, is a gross generalization. I don't deny that. I don't have experience with feeders so whatever I say might be wrong. Perhaps I am also brainwashed by the media portraying feeders as men who want women to get so fat that they are immobile, women who cannot take care of themselves. If a FA who enjoys his woman eating her meal or gaining a bit of weight is a Feeder, then my boyfriend is a feeder and I am obviously wrong. So I apologize again.
In fantasy that extreme can be pretty hot to me. It's not a matter of humiliation or helplessness- the former does nothing for me at all and the latter only as a sign of just how big the person is.

That does not mean that I would ever do it in real life; and if no, never without the consent of the person whose body is undergoing the changes; and even then, not without a great deal of preparation and deliberation as to whether or not it was feasible to do so. If any of this stuff does not pan out, it doesn't happen. I'm fine with my fantasy being just that and there is no reason to force it into reality.

However, there's feeders who would love to fatten a woman up by 30, 40 pounds and that's it. There's feeders who aren't into fat at all. By painting everyone under the umbrella term "feeder" as being into humiliation and stuff, you're misrepresenting a lot of us.

This isn't to say that there aren't people of this particular kink who would be just as predatory and abusive as you claim, but the majority of people that I know are pretty much the same in that regard no matter what they're into.

So yes, you are quite wrong; and considering your first post in the thread it feels as though you're accusing people who are into a particular kink of being predatory and abusive, and that is going to piss people off.

Perhaps if you want to know more about feedism you should check out the thread at the top of this very board about it instead of asking whether or not we're Buffalo Bill.

But for the record, I would fuck me. So hard.
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Old 06-10-2011, 06:58 PM   #19
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Let me first I apologize if offended anybody. That was not my intention in any case... Perhaps my opinion, whether wrong or right, is a gross generalization. I don't deny that. I don't have experience with feeders so whatever I say might be wrong. Perhaps I am also brainwashed by the media portraying feeders as men who want women to get so fat that they are immobile, women who cannot take care of themselves. If a FA who enjoys his woman eating her meal or gaining a bit of weight is a Feeder, then my boyfriend is a feeder and I am obviously wrong. So I apologize again.
Yes, I would say your boyfriend is a simplified feeder.
Some feeders enjoy watching their significant others eat. Others enjoy their partner gaining weight. Some enjoy other things and neither of the aforementioned.
I would suppose you enjoy eating and enjoy gaining a little bit of weight. I think this a easily a harmless feeder-feedee/foodee type relationship.
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Old 06-11-2011, 02:17 AM   #20
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In fantasy that extreme can be pretty hot to me. It's not a matter of humiliation or helplessness- the former does nothing for me at all and the latter only as a sign of just how big the person is.

That does not mean that I would ever do it in real life; and if no, never without the consent of the person whose body is undergoing the changes; and even then, not without a great deal of preparation and deliberation as to whether or not it was feasible to do so. If any of this stuff does not pan out, it doesn't happen. I'm fine with my fantasy being just that and there is no reason to force it into reality.

However, there's feeders who would love to fatten a woman up by 30, 40 pounds and that's it. There's feeders who aren't into fat at all. By painting everyone under the umbrella term "feeder" as being into humiliation and stuff, you're misrepresenting a lot of us.

This isn't to say that there aren't people of this particular kink who would be just as predatory and abusive as you claim, but the majority of people that I know are pretty much the same in that regard no matter what they're into.

So yes, you are quite wrong; and considering your first post in the thread it feels as though you're accusing people who are into a particular kink of being predatory and abusive, and that is going to piss people off.

Perhaps if you want to know more about feedism you should check out the thread at the top of this very board about it instead of asking whether or not we're Buffalo Bill.

But for the record, I would fuck me. So hard.


I think I've apologized already if I offended people. Obviously I did not mean you or people like you. Maybe because I did not consider people like you feeders. I justified my ignorance. I apologized. Is there anything else I can do?
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Old 06-11-2011, 10:38 AM   #21
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I think I've apologized already if I offended people. Obviously I did not mean you or people like you. Maybe because I did not consider people like you feeders. I justified my ignorance. I apologized. Is there anything else I can do?
First of all, stop apologizing. You have the right to feel as you feel just as much as feeders have the right to fantasize about whatever they fantasize about. If they choose to post it for people to see then they should expect people to comment...and not have all those comments be favorable. Same goes for someone who say they don't get it or like it. They should expect those that do "get it" to state their case.

The extreme cases of feederism are the one's that the average joe is going to know because those are the cases that are talked about. Just as the extreme cases of obesity are the one's that people know about because they are the one's that end up in the media. Your everyday feeder is not actually going to feed someone to the point of immobility or death just as your average fat person is not going to end up bed-bound and needing a crane to remove them from their house. These cases are discussed and brought to attention because they are rare and therefore noteworthy...Sadly, they are also often sensationalize and they turned into late-night opening sketches. So that is how the world gets to know these groups of people. If that is all you know of someone or a group of someones then sure your perspective will be colored by that. The only way to change that perspective is to comment, ask questions, perhaps step on a few toes, and learn.

So, Juice don't apologize any more. It took class to do it once when you really didn't have to. It will take just as much class for those who were offended accept the apology and move on.
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Old 06-12-2011, 05:53 AM   #22
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It took class to do it once when you really didn't have to. It will take just as much class for those who were offended accept the apology and move on.
Thank you for understanding that my intention was not to insult or offend people
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Old 06-12-2011, 08:25 AM   #23
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The difference between FAs and Feeders is that FAs worship the fat woman and they are attracted to her big body. Feeders like the humiliation and weakness associated with the fat woman.


No.

There are some who are into BDSM aspects - it's not universal.
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Old 06-12-2011, 08:27 AM   #24
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I hope I've posted this in the right forum. Anyhow.

I'm a fan of Womanists Musings and found a cool article here. I'm not sure where I stand on it, though I have to say I actually kind of agree. However, I'd have a bias with ignorance because I've never encountered a Feeder and I don't exactly agree with them conflating a Feeder with all FAs...unless that's essentially what FA means within the SA community and I am wrong. I don't see many feeders or threads about feeding here on this forum outside of maybe the Pay Site board, but; I do see them on Curvage. (And something about Curvage does make me a little uncomfortable. Is it just me?)

Anyhow, I also haven't encountered an actual FA outside of the internet to boot, so maybe there are things I don't know. (My boyfriends/girlfriends have always been thin, shapely, maybe chubby or "hot" by societies standards in one way or another, but I wouldnt call them FAs) But, if I were to get into a relationship with an FA, I'd avoid a Feeder. I figure they should like my body the way it is and not tell me to lose weight...much less gain any?

As a BBW I find myself a bit confused by Feeder/Feedee fetishism. Any BBWs or FAs up for a discussion? Here is the article in question:

http://www.womanist-musings.com/2010...d-feeders.html

Why concern yourself with a sexuality that you have no interest in?

Feedism does not = abuse.
Manipulation etc.etc. can be found in people of any orientation, it's not part of their orientation per se.

You're not turned on by feedism from either side, so it's not for you. That's pretty much all she wrote.
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Old 06-12-2011, 10:06 AM   #25
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Why concern yourself with a sexuality that you have no interest in?

Feedism does not = abuse.
Manipulation etc.etc. can be found in people of any orientation, it's not part of their orientation per se.

You're not turned on by feedism from either side, so it's not for you. That's pretty much all she wrote.
Clearly she is interested in knowing more. If not because she wants to be a part of the lifestyle than because she is simply curious about it. Feeders/Feedees are a big part of this community and so often a topic of conversation here. That being the case why not get to know more. Better to ask and find out than just going by what that media and societal generalizations tell us. Or would you prefer her to continue to believe that feeders are abusers? Smart, curious people ask questions to better understand things they might have a misperceptions about. Obtuse, inconsiderate people look smugly down their noses, criticizing those people for their ignorance while doing nothing helpful to change those misperceptions.
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