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Old 06-24-2011, 12:11 AM   #1
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Default Now that my wife understands i am an fa she is concerned she is too skinny for me

She has seen some pics i looked at online before. She knows I like big girls. Recently I showed her some of the stuff here on dim and other places online, and she is worried that she is not fat enough for me. Also she doesn't want to gain weight, which I told her is ok with me. But even though she says it makes her happy that I find her attractive, she says she still feels disgusted by her body. I want this to be a good thing for us, but I think it is creating a barrier.

How do I make her understand that I am ok with her the way she is, Just a little over 200 (and I love her proportions), even though I also am attracted to much bigger women?

Also, will she ever be able to feel sexy about those parts of her that I am attracted to for the reason that they are sexy to me?

Has anyone else ever dealt with any of this?

I hope my post made sense.
Id be greatful for any and all feedback.

Thanks
Tim
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Old 06-24-2011, 10:20 PM   #2
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Default Re: Now that my wife understands i am an fa she is concerned she is too skinny for me

Tim, you might try looking at more pictures of mid-size BBWs. Show that you are also attracted to women a little smaller than she is.
Good Luck
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Old 06-24-2011, 10:37 PM   #3
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If you really want this to be a good thing for the two of you, why not consider stopping looking at pics of other women considering that it further makes her doubt herself. That barrier wasn't built by her alone.

There are words (encouraging) and there are actions (looking at pics of other women) and one could definitely conflict with the other if she's conflicted about her own body.

And FTR, I'm not implying any jealousy on her part but a sense that she's not what you want if you're looking somewhere else for something you claim you love about her. It's contradictory.
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Old 06-25-2011, 12:28 PM   #4
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I'd suggest spending more time showing her that you find her body physically attractive both by words and by physical touch.
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Old 06-25-2011, 01:06 PM   #5
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It takes a lot of time and positive reinforcement. Talk to her about why she hates her body, I found that my wife feels more comfortable when she has clothes that she feels fit her well. She also uses body hate to beat herself up for other perceived short comings. Her mother is a huge source of those negative perceptions so we are also working on her family issues. When her mother makes her feel inadequate for not doing this or that "right" my wife starts making negative comments about her body. When she does this I stop the spiraling thoughts and refocus her on what the issue actually is, her abusive mother.
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Old 06-25-2011, 02:47 PM   #6
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Communication is the way forward. Not raising anything is just going to cause more tension.
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Old 06-25-2011, 08:24 PM   #7
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Quote:
Originally Posted by CastingPearls View Post
If you really want this to be a good thing for the two of you, why not consider stopping looking at pics of other women considering that it further makes her doubt herself. That barrier wasn't built by her alone.

There are words (encouraging) and there are actions (looking at pics of other women) and one could definitely conflict with the other if she's conflicted about her own body.

And FTR, I'm not implying any jealousy on her part but a sense that she's not what you want if you're looking somewhere else for something you claim you love about her. It's contradictory.
This is about the only advice I can recommend. Good luck.
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Old 06-25-2011, 08:58 PM   #8
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Yeah, I have to agree. Looking at other women is detrimental to your position. Thats why I behave myself on here, if my wife ever wants to see something I've written there won't be any hitting on other women for her to read.
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Old 06-25-2011, 09:34 PM   #9
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Quote:
Originally Posted by tm_mngn View Post
Has anyone else ever dealt with any of this?
I don't think there's an FA who hasn't.
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