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Old 06-28-2011, 10:06 AM   #1
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Default By the numbers

I'm curious... how do you ladies feel about giving out your "personal" stats, like weight, measurements, etc.? I'm squeamish about it, and keep returning to the same two thoughts:

1) It's been drilled into me "never ask a woman's weight", blah blah... and that numbers that are "too high" are something to be ashamed of. I'm not saying this is right, I'm just acknowledging the effect that culture has had on my comfort zones.

2) On the flip side, I know that these numbers are simply physical descriptors. They don't determine my worth or personality - and this actually gives me another reason to balk at being asked for this information. If someone I don't know is complimenting me on a (totally non-sexual) picture of mine, saying how attractive they find me, and asking for my numbers, it makes me feel that they are placing a priority on my appearance rather than getting to know me.

How do you react - both your gut reaction and how you ultimately respond? Being new to Dims and to the FA culture in general... I guess I'm wondering if there's a cultural difference between an FA here seeing a picture and their first message to the person being "Wow, how much do you weigh?" and a slender, large-chested woman having a man walk up to her in a bar and saying "Wow, what's your cup size?"
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Old 06-28-2011, 10:20 AM   #2
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For me, it's the same kind of tacky. There are many people who will try and make a woman feel wrong for not answering the questions. They will say things like, " oh, you hate you body? "..." I love fat women, so please don't be so shy and insecure ".
For that type, there is always a ' reason ' when you don't give them what they want to see or know. You must be uptight...you must be down on yourself.

Unless I am stating, " guess my weight or the size of my whatevers "...keep those questions to yourself. It's not about the numbers being bad.

So, yeah...there is no difference.
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Old 06-28-2011, 10:22 AM   #3
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Quote:
Originally Posted by PhiloGirl View Post
I'm curious... how do you ladies feel about giving out your "personal" stats, like weight, measurements, etc.? I'm squeamish about it, and keep returning to the same two thoughts:
*snipped

I guess I'm wondering if there's a cultural difference between an FA here seeing a picture and their first message to the person being "Wow, how much do you weigh?" and a slender, large-chested woman having a man walk up to her in a bar and saying "Wow, what's your cup size?"
To me, there is no difference, between the two bolded scenarios, both are objectifying, rude, and have an inappropriate sexual connotation. I'm not saying it's never ok to ask a persons weight, or give your stats...but unless you are my seamstress, doctor, or safety/security personnel there is no reason my stats are your business if we've just met, its uncomfortable at best, and creepy at worst. Random [FA] stranger asking me my weight doesn't feel like a compliment, it feels like a request for something to jack off to later.

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Old 06-28-2011, 11:28 AM   #4
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You don't owe anybody here anything, least of all the pm creepers. Don't put anything up here that you don't want everyone to know or aren't comfortable with. For some posting their weight for everyone to see feels like a burden being lifted from them, but maybe thats not you. Each persons journey here is theirs alone and very individual and yours may never lead you to post stats, their is absolutely nothing wrong with that and you won't be alone. Don't feel pressured to do anything you don't want to do.

We have an unfortunately large group of pm creepers here, just ignore them. You're initial response was correct, they are the same kind of guys who ask for bra sizes and things and are just looking for a quick turn on.
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Old 06-28-2011, 12:16 PM   #5
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I don't, just because it's nobody's business. If I was in a relationship like I was with my ex, my clothing size at least would be known (for gift purposes ). Other than that, don't ask unless I bring it up (which won't ever happen).
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Old 06-28-2011, 12:32 PM   #6
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Whenever a guy asks what I weigh, I assume it's a creeper out trolling for fatty fantasy wank fodder. I have found that the best way to get rid of that particular breed of pest is to respond with a number that's about 100 pounds less than my real weight and follow up with "AND LOSING!" That is pretty much the biggest boner-killing response I can give them, and they always leave me alone after that.

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Old 06-28-2011, 12:56 PM   #7
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Originally Posted by crayola box View Post
To me, there is no difference, between the two bolded scenarios, both are objectifying, rude, and have an inappropriate sexual connotation. I'm not saying it's never ok to ask a persons weight, or give your stats...but unless you are my seamstress, doctor, or safety/security personnel there is no reason my stats are your business if we've just met, its uncomfortable at best, and creepy at worst. Random [FA] stranger asking me my weight doesn't feel like a compliment, it feels like a request for something to jack off to later.
Absolutely this.

I'm fine with volunteering certain stats in select, nonsexual situations, because I think it's important that people know what XYZ pounds really looks like.
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Old 06-28-2011, 01:06 PM   #8
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I used to think the question was benign and a way for someone to visualize me and to explore the fat side of myself and blah blah blah.

And then I grew up, wised up, and ignored anyone asking that fucked up bullshit.

And I have never, not once, looked back or regretted that decision.
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Old 06-28-2011, 01:47 PM   #9
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I'm getting more comfortable mentioning it in discussions on Dims where it's relevant, though I am still hit with that feeling of shame for having it be what it is. I've mentioned it in PMs and other conversations with other guys, and have been told by some that I'm "almost" big enough, because their focus is on the numbers, not me. I prefer to have the numbers not matter to my overall health or outlook.
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Old 06-28-2011, 01:49 PM   #10
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Doesn't really bother me at all given the proper context, and certainly something I've asked of men I've spoken with. Even more so if I haven't seen a picture of them.


I don't think being unbothered by it means you're immature or unwise, just different meaning and reaction for anyone. Just like a lot of questions asked online, at work, among colleagues at an after work thing, etc. Always going to be a chance of crossing someone's boundaries.

To be perfectly clear, no one owes this information to anyone, I don't think that. But not everyone who would ask is an asshole creeper, sometimes it's just a question and they didn't realize it was going to hit on some pressure point. I've dine that by asking a guy's height. He was short and sensitive and didn't want to answer. Ok, his right, and we moved on, but asking didn't seem out of line and I'd certainly do it again.
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Old 06-28-2011, 02:12 PM   #11
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I didn't feel pressured... I just had a dual reaction to the question. First the "WTF, hell no", then more of the "Well... is it a big deal?"

And then there's always Tania's point:

Quote:
Originally Posted by Tania View Post
I'm fine with volunteering certain stats in select, nonsexual situations, because I think it's important that people know what XYZ pounds really looks like.
The person who asked could very well be a "new" FA and just be curious... I remember once in junior high, telling my (girl) friends what I weighed and they were shocked. Anyone could see I was big, but my best friend said something like "Where is it all?!" (still makes me lol) because she thought someone who weighed what I did would be much bigger in stature. [Edit: and probably some negative stereotypical mumbo-jumbo... not that she was a hateful person - just had some innocent ignorance regarding weight]

So anywho, in case anyone is curious - in this situation, I thanked the person for the genuine compliment they paid me, and also for asking the question politely (they actually said "may I ask"), but said "I'm here to get to know people and for people to get to know me, so I won't be giving out that (superficial) information right now."

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Old 06-28-2011, 04:51 PM   #12
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It honestly doesnt bother me. Im a pretty open person, so I dont care who knows how much that I weigh and etc..
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Old 06-28-2011, 05:12 PM   #13
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I don't mind discussing my weight, but when it's one of the first questions out of a guy's mouth I feel he's more interested in my fat than actually getting to know me (based on previous experience). So, its bye bye to them.
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Old 06-28-2011, 05:13 PM   #14
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I spent so long hiding from the reality of my shape that I refuse to do it anymore. I figure my weight is pretty apparent, and therefore, hardly a state secret. If someone asks, I tell them. I refuse to be embarrassed. If the guy wants it for reasons related purely to self gratification, it's none of my business. If you know even just a couple of men, you know someone who has thought about you in that way. It's unavoidable. I'm 5'3, about 300 when I last weighed myself. There. Mystery unraveled, source of tension gone.

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Old 06-28-2011, 06:42 PM   #15
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Just as someone pointed out that not everyone is an asshole creeper who does this ( not saying I agree or disagree, just using it as a springboard ), I am going to point out that not every woman who doesn't..will not... answer these questions are embarrassed...closed...not confident...hiding.
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Old 06-28-2011, 07:22 PM   #16
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How old are you? How much do you weigh? Is that your real hair color? OK, I just threw that one in

Most of the women here fill out their profiles and include as much information as they are comfortable sharing. Intelligent men will take two seconds to check the profile. You can see my age in my profile, and you can see that I'm fat in my profile. If you take an extra minute to read some of my posts, you'll probably run across my weight in some discussion.

I don't hide my weight, but as far as I'm concerned there is never a reason for some online stranger to ask it. Feel free to ask me the color of my eyes.

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Old 06-28-2011, 07:38 PM   #17
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Connie, is it funny that your lines in pink are my favorite?
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Old 06-28-2011, 08:19 PM   #18
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Quote:
Originally Posted by anneblithe View Post
Connie, is it funny that your lines in pink are my favorite?
Welcome to Dimensions, nice to meet you

I'm trying pink as a test, thinking either:

1) pink is like a whisper, so maybe guys will listen closely
or
2) pink is associated with 'happy' things so maybe they'll focus on it

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Old 06-29-2011, 12:19 AM   #19
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The ones who ask immediately, I block. I'm not talking to someone so they can get a better mental image of my size to fap to and I'm not holding their hand when they claim I misunderstood them (my favorite: I'm a very visual guy) or because they're socially awkward. We're not going to mesh if you don't comprehend simple manners like not asking a stranger questions that are likely very personal.

The ones who ask after a few minutes or still during the initial conversation, I often get a vibe (and I'm sticking with my instincts, thanks) that they've been chomping at the bit and have been waiting for the lull in conversation or their own perception of intimacy, I do wonder if they have slightly refined their modus operandi because they used to be the guy in my first paragraph but actually had some kind of adaptation skills to delay the questions? They get discarded too.

If they skip asking me about myself (including my name) to get stats, sometimes when I feel like toying with them I ask them to provide:

*Signed and notarized affidavits of satisfied former sexual partners
*Proof of mental competency
*A copy of their latest bank statement


Do I honestly require these things? Of course not but to ME they're no less ridiculous or invasive then asking me for my stats.
When they get offended I ask them how it feels.

If you're comfortable divulging, then by all means, knock yourself out but I'm not that woman. You can have them. I'll take a pass.
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Old 06-29-2011, 12:35 AM   #20
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Most people who want your 'stats' out and out arent worth talking to. I mean, I dont mean mentioning my height or weight in some cases, but if they want body shape, dress size, bra size and all these other weird detail I just dont mess with them.
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Old 06-29-2011, 03:55 PM   #21
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Quote:
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If you're comfortable divulging, then by all means, knock yourself out but I'm not that woman. You can have them. I'll take a pass.
This line honestly made me laugh (your posts often do; you have a lovely sense of humor)-- for the record, I never said I wanted to date a person who would ask that right off the bat. It wouldn't stop me from telling them, however.
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Old 06-29-2011, 05:01 PM   #22
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I dont know my weight

so they will always get the truthful answer no idea


I do however know my hip and other measurements but I dont see the need to give that to people I barely know

those kinds of fa's kinda creep me out and lets face it more often than not are the kind who just want to make love to your rolls and forget that your a real person (thats my experience and not knocking all fa's)

I have actaully had the conversation with quite a few fa's that while my size may turn you on constantly talking about it does nothing for me and in fact bores the hell out of me actually I should say arguments with some of them shrugs I tried they will learn in time
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Old 06-29-2011, 05:15 PM   #23
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It doesn't bother me to give my stats, but I am particular about how it's asked and when. If it's the conversation starter then it's also the end of the conversation. Of course I haven't had to deal with this for almost 12 years now, but that's how I handled it back on a case by case basis.

I do put them in my profile and will still have guys ask me.....makes no sense.
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Old 06-29-2011, 08:45 PM   #24
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Uhm,

for the most part i dont mind giving out my stats.. although i do get a little squicky around m breats and cup size.


for the longest time i was incredibly ashamed of my stats but as i grow to love my body im starting to love my stats almost as if every time i proudly say them out loud its almost a big fuck you to all those people who made me think i should be ashamed of them.
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Old 07-01-2011, 03:24 PM   #25
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To me, it's all about context. If we're talking on the Clothing Boards how clothes would fit, for example, then we should be sharing some size info. If it would be inappropriate or unnecessary for me to ask that person their stats [height, weight, actual-penis-dimensions-not-the-ones-they-pretend-to-have], then I'm happy with ignoring the request or asking why they feel the need to know?

I figure I'm not shy about having full body pics of me up. The numbers don't really tell the story that pics do. If someone cares, they can take a look.

[And, btw, for any men reading this who like to give fake numbers... we women may get to learn just how bad at math you really are. Don't exaggerate. If you tell me you're 2" taller than I am and then you barely reach my chin, I'm gonna figure it out and wonder if you're a chronic liar or just reeeeeeally insecure. Either way, not a positive result.]
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You have enemies? Good. That means you've stood up for something, sometime in your life. [Winston Churchill]
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