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Old 06-29-2011, 10:53 AM   #1
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Default Lights on or off?

In my younger days I got the idea that if someone found the person they are sexually messing around with to be attractive, they would want to leave the light on so they could look at the person and receive that visual stimulation; and that the only reason someone would want to turn the light off is if they find the person they are with somehow ugly or repulsive and can't stand to look at them during sex. So as a fat person, I was always really conscious of whether the person wanted the light on or off while we were messing around, and took it as being directly related to whether they found me physically attractive.

But now that I'm older and have had more dating experience, I don't always think this is the case. There can be something fun about it being dark even when you find the person you are with to be super hot and visually appealing. Especially in the context of a relationship, where you do some of both (lights on and lights off). Maybe I'm wrong though, and maybe most men (and women) would always want the light on if they find the person visually appealing?

Just curious how the rest of you feel about the lights on/lights off issue, and what your preferences are.
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Old 06-29-2011, 11:11 AM   #2
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Personally I知 mostly lights off. Lights on occasionally makes for a nice change, but in general:
- touch is my dominant sense, so the more I can focus on that, the more I知 into things. Vision is just a distraction.
- I知 quite myopic, hence if I don稚 have glasses on or contacts in, I知 not seeing all that much in detail anyway (and glasses tend to get in the way).

The same general rule applies to sounds, music or sexy talk is a nice change sometimes, but usually for me it is just a distraction. I知 sure that for those who are more visual or auditory this could be quite different.
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Old 06-29-2011, 11:44 AM   #3
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I like low lighting, enough to see everything but not so much that you have to squint. My wife prefers no lights, she likes the sneakiness of the dark even though we're the only ones home. We just go with whatever the lighting situation is when we start.
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Old 06-29-2011, 12:05 PM   #4
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I've only been with the lights off once in the past, and I hated it. It brought back memories of something violent, so I never like having the lights off. At most, perhaps a dim night light or a few candles in the corner. But if there's no light at all, I will panic and not enjoy myself at all.
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Old 06-29-2011, 12:14 PM   #5
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How funny, Mc. I've heard (and maybe experienced) the opposite. Or rather, the same idea, but from the partner who feels uncomfortable about him or herself! So lights off doesn't mean: I don't want to see you, it means: I don't want you to see me.

I go with whatever the light situation is when I start out and while I've certainly had a twinge of 'uh oh' when it's bright daylight out and i'm suddenly prancing naked, it's never bothered me enough, not even once, to avoid anything, or only show my good side, or get under the blanket or any of that. I'm proud of myself for that.

Now, back to your question--lights on or off has no bearing on what I think about my partner's physique.
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Old 06-29-2011, 12:19 PM   #6
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Honestly, in the midst of things, I have never really thought about the lights. I'm always busy thinkin' of other more important things. If the lights are on, they're on. If they're not, they're not.
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Old 06-29-2011, 12:42 PM   #7
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It dont matter to me one way or another, but if I HAD to pick one, I would say lights on.
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Old 06-29-2011, 12:50 PM   #8
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Cat View Post
Honestly, in the midst of things, I have never really thought about the lights. I'm always busy thinkin' of other more important things. If the lights are on, they're on. If they're not, they're not.
Same with me. Never thought about lights. Usually we have the lights off and the tv on since it's right before bed..Gone are the days of nooners with two kids around.. Been married too long i guess.
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Old 06-29-2011, 12:59 PM   #9
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I'm fine either way. I've never been one of those people who feel the need to turn all the lights off before or to wrap every blanket or sheet around me when I get out of bed after...my theory's always been if you're going to be INSIDE me, there's no reason you shouldn't be able to see the OUTSIDE of me. I've really never planned lights on vs. lights off, it's just been however it's happened. I mean, either way, we're having fun.
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Old 06-29-2011, 02:00 PM   #10
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I can go with being in a deep, dank concrete room where rusted chains crisscross the walls and our bodies while a single bright bulb hangs from the ceiling swinging back and forth casting shadows of writhing beasts witnessing the passion captured in the room.

I can also go with a completely dark moonless, cloudy night on the beach with the sounds of waves crashing in the background and the salty air blowing across our bodies as we lose ourselves feeling not only each other but also earth herself caressing our minds, bodies, and souls.

So yeah, I can go either way.
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Old 06-29-2011, 02:04 PM   #11
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I don't really care, but what about during the day? Are the people who are "lights off" people able to get busy when the sun is out?
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Old 06-29-2011, 02:10 PM   #12
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I'm not sexually active anymore, but when i was i never did anything with the lights on. I did not feel comfortable at all and would never allow anyone to see my body.

I refuse to feel bad about that either. I am totally allowed to be as self conscious as I want. Sometimes I feel like there's pressure on this site to be uber confident and positive even when you're not. Well...I dont' feel that way. If i'm self conscious that's ok. If i want the lights off that's ok too.
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Old 06-29-2011, 02:19 PM   #13
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Lights on, provided it isn't an overhead light. Gives me migraines, and NOBODY looks good with the overhead lights on.
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Old 06-29-2011, 02:25 PM   #14
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It's only recently that I've built up enough courage to keep the lights on, and honestly, it doesn't bother me anymore, which is a huge accomplishment for me!
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Old 06-29-2011, 02:33 PM   #15
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Who the heck has time to fiddle with the lights when you're busy getting eachother nekkid?
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Old 06-29-2011, 02:37 PM   #16
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My boyfriend, who loves me regardless, recently came out to me that he is turned on by my belly/fat so he likes the lights on. But, I'm extremely self-conscious and prefer the lights off. He likes to make sure I am comfy, so he agrees to it. If I have a good day, I will surprise him by leaving the lights on, but it is a rare occasion.
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Old 06-29-2011, 02:45 PM   #17
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I like it all much better with the lights on. 9 times out of 10. 9.5.

Lights off is fun too. Gotta be the right person/sitch/feelings, though.
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Old 06-29-2011, 03:12 PM   #18
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I like to be able to see my partner, especially their face, during sex and fooling around. But I won't bother turning the light on if it's a middle of the night round of sex.
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Old 06-29-2011, 03:55 PM   #19
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Mmm depends. Usually I prefer soft, dim light. I find it easier on the eyes in general, especially if you end up facing the light for any length of time, and I'm pretty blind without my glasses anyway so the light adds to the fuzziness of my vision and i get less self-conscious about the fact that I can't see too well. Not too bothered if the lights are on, though, or if it's daylight or whatever. And sometimes it's fun to have a fumble in complete darkness too.
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Old 06-29-2011, 04:14 PM   #20
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I like candlelight, a lamp with a thin piece of fabric draped over (orange fabric seems to give a room a lovely warm glow), or the hazy light of morning.
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Old 06-29-2011, 04:17 PM   #21
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I'm in the "whatever"crowd as well and agree with TheOrangeMage completely - lol. If I had to choose, it would be a soft dim light/candle/mood lighting.
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Old 06-29-2011, 06:06 PM   #22
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Cat View Post
Honestly, in the midst of things, I have never really thought about the lights. I'm always busy thinkin' of other more important things. If the lights are on, they're on. If they're not, they're not.
This..exactly. I had an experience recently that the lights were on..but, I didn't know until after and I didn't care and he loved it...so....

I also believe that hey..you knew I was big before you got in bed with me....so, if you see me naked so what...and if you don't like it...what are you doing here? lol
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Old 06-29-2011, 07:54 PM   #23
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Natural light, whatever it happens to be at the moment. I just don't care for artificial light. I love an afternoon in bed with the sun coming in, or the darkness at night. While I do enjoy looking at a partner, I'm equally happy listening to them

Personally I'm very comfortable naked, so lights on or off from that perspective don't matter. If I'm not comfortable enough with you to get naked, then it's a moot point.
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Old 06-29-2011, 08:13 PM   #24
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Low lighting, not pitch black, but not hospital bright either.
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Old 06-29-2011, 08:38 PM   #25
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daylight, sunlight, moonlight, candlelight, full lights, dim lights

all good darkness can be fun to but I do like to see as well as touch, taste, ect
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