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Old 07-12-2011, 06:38 PM   #1
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Default Dating non FA's. Yay or Nay? (BBW input only please)

This has probably been brought up before on here, I skimmed but couldn't find it so please excuse me if there is already a thread like this.

What are your feelings on dating guys who are not FA's? Guys who have no knowledge of the SA community, and may not necessarily like a big girl, but like YOU? I ask because I get hit on by guys who are not FA's (Well not that I know of meaning I have not met them through the community) and there is a part of me that is apprehensive to give them a chance. I think I'm just SO comfortable dating FA's- I found the community when I was like 15, I haven't had much experience with non FA guys. I spent a lot time growing up feeling inadequate, finding guys who liked fat girls was an eye opening experience, for the first time I felt like a guy wasn't just going to 'put up' with me being fat, but he actually LOVED that about me. I get scared with guys who aren't into fat girls because I still feel like they may be LOOKING PAST the fact that I'm fat, but I want a guy to genuinely love all of me.

I am on a few dating sites (Okaycupid, Pleasentlyoffish etc) and I mention I am a BBW on there. I get messages all the time from guys who I don't think are FA's but are interested. I recently got a message from a guy who said something like 'I don't care about your weight, you seem like a nice person' or something like that, and see THAT is the type of thing I DON'T like about dating guys who don't like fat girls. I don't want them to like me in spite of my weight, but I also don't want a guy to like me ONLY because of my weight.

It's a bit confusing. Thoughts, comments? What are your feelings on this?
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Old 07-12-2011, 06:45 PM   #2
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If someone acts like you want, treats you like you want, and likes what you want them to like about you, then I don't think it matters how they self-identify.

However, I know what I want, what I like, what I want them to like about me (ALL the things, inside and out) and my history is that I like, prefer, and want to date FAs. If they don't self-identify that way, that's fine, but if it walks likes a duck, talks like a duck and is into my WHOLE body, and not just the girl parts - then ... quack.
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Old 07-12-2011, 06:47 PM   #3
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I generally date non-FAs (I'm kinda on the smaller side around here it seems), and as long as I don't get pressure weightwise, I have really nice relationships with them. People are people. If they like you, they like you, and most of the time they accept your weight as long as you are honest and upfront about it and don't try to hide it. Speaking from personal experience here, of course.

To be honest, the only pressure I've gotten weightwise was from an FA who was trying to make me gain, which I didn't want to do.
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Old 07-12-2011, 06:49 PM   #4
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I've known about the SA community since my teens and have been part of it since, but I have yet to date anyone who's part of it as well. In my case, I think I would be a little more apprehensive about FAs, but that's just because I've never been with a self-identified FA.
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Old 07-12-2011, 06:58 PM   #5
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Interesting guys. For me I just felt a lot more accepted by FA's then I guess you could say the 'regular' guy. I'm sure there are guys out there who are not FA's who would want me, be attracted to me, but it would always make me wonder if I was really desirable to them. If they weren't secretly wanting me to loose weight.

I feel like Annmarie here. At this point I do prefer to date FA guys. Though I feel like it limits me A LOT and I have to search extra hard to find these guys either online, bbw events etc- where my other friends who date can just go to the bar or heck even the mall and meet someone. It limits my options, but I feel more comfortable with it.

Interesting to hear everyone's opinions!
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Old 07-12-2011, 08:57 PM   #6
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i generally prefer guys who don't/won't call themselves FAs. its not because i don't love my size or because i don't enjoy being appreciated physically. for me living in my body is a must and being with someone fully attracted to it is a must as well. i, however, never assume that an attraction to me will be so rare and difficult to find. maybe that works for me because i take that tact and never limit myself only to guys who know what the community is and are a part of it. there are actually guys who don't need it at all and don't care even if they have been exposed to it.

i think that i just enjoy an average courtship and i personally get that from non FAs most. for me its drama free. i passed the "will he like my body" stage a long long time ago. i already know a lot of men do and will. my hierarchy has expanded. generally speaking guys who are much less fearful in regards to their attraction are my focus. i can easily love respect and be attracted to a guy who is truly confident in who he is and needs no propping up. if i met an FA who didn't seem so very centered solely on my size weight shape etc... and what others thought about that i'd date him as well as long as i was attracted to him. i just haven't come across many guys who have treated me in the way i wanted to be treated that i was attracted to and also called himself an FA. i love my friends who are FAs to death though.

i think it would be a whole lot easier for me to be attracted if the expectations bar for them wasn't so very low. it would be easier for them to move along like a lot of other men when it came to fulfilling my personal emotional needs. its not enough that they like my body. i want more. i want it all. unfortunately right now the whole FA thing refers generally to pieces. its not all guys fault. they've been shaped by a lot by women who are totally amazed that someone can like their body. sometimes that's the point that a lot of people tend to appear to stop at and vegetate. that's fine for them but not so satisfying for me personally. been there. done that a very long time ago. got the throwback tshirt. no need to keep living in the past. for me its time for much more.
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Old 07-12-2011, 09:07 PM   #7
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All of my past relationships have been in non FAs. Or...I think? So, I guess Yea. I've never been with an FA.
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Old 07-12-2011, 09:40 PM   #8
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FAs totally ROCK.
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Old 07-12-2011, 10:00 PM   #9
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He's got to be a total LA (Lainey Admirer)
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Old 07-12-2011, 10:56 PM   #10
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He's got to be a total LA (Lainey Admirer)
Who wouldn't want an LA
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Old 07-13-2011, 06:52 AM   #11
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" What are your feelings on dating guys who are not FA's? Guys who have no knowledge of the SA community, and may not necessarily like a big girl, but like YOU? "

That'd describe my husband to the letter. He had no knowledge of the SA community when I met him, and had previously been involved with women of all shapes and sizes without any specific preference.

As far as how I feel about it? I guess since I don't have a body size preference either, it's a non-issue to me.

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Old 07-13-2011, 07:38 AM   #12
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It sounds to me like you are the one bringing the weight issue into some of this. That's not to say you're always wrong, by any means, but it's something to be aware of. Relationships come down to the 2 (or more!) people in them and labels are just labels. I'm quite happy with a man who doesn't identify as an FA, though I realize that's just a label. In this world, we're lucky to find someone that we like who likes us back. That's really all you need in the beginning, when you're exploring one another. I wouldn't take a statement like: I don't care about your weight: as necessarily a bad thing or indicative of someone not actively liking your physical presence. Maybe a cigar is just a cigar and your weight, 100 lbs, 250 lbs. or 500 lbs, isn't what he cares about. Isn't that refreshing? Isn't that liberating? You're making your weight an issue before you need to (if, in fact, you EVER need to with a specific someone). You can't know how he really feels about you 'til you meet and get to know one another, but that's the same with all guys.
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Old 07-13-2011, 11:14 AM   #13
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Quote:
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It sounds to me like you are the one bringing the weight issue into some of this. That's not to say you're always wrong, by any means, but it's something to be aware of. Relationships come down to the 2 (or more!) people in them and labels are just labels. I'm quite happy with a man who doesn't identify as an FA, though I realize that's just a label. In this world, we're lucky to find someone that we like who likes us back. That's really all you need in the beginning, when you're exploring one another. I wouldn't take a statement like: I don't care about your weight: as necessarily a bad thing or indicative of someone not actively liking your physical presence. Maybe a cigar is just a cigar and your weight, 100 lbs, 250 lbs. or 500 lbs, isn't what he cares about. Isn't that refreshing? Isn't that liberating? You're making your weight an issue before you need to (if, in fact, you EVER need to with a specific someone). You can't know how he really feels about you 'til you meet and get to know one another, but that's the same with all guys.
so nice say it twice
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Old 07-13-2011, 11:33 AM   #14
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ps: calling non-FAs 'regular guys' might be problematic as you negotiate these romantic-partner-finding waters. There is a lot of power in what we choose to name things.
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Old 07-13-2011, 11:57 AM   #15
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It sounds to me like you are the one bringing the weight issue into some of this. That's not to say you're always wrong, by any means, but it's something to be aware of. Relationships come down to the 2 (or more!) people in them and labels are just labels. I'm quite happy with a man who doesn't identify as an FA, though I realize that's just a label. In this world, we're lucky to find someone that we like who likes us back. That's really all you need in the beginning, when you're exploring one another. I wouldn't take a statement like: I don't care about your weight: as necessarily a bad thing or indicative of someone not actively liking your physical presence. Maybe a cigar is just a cigar and your weight, 100 lbs, 250 lbs. or 500 lbs, isn't what he cares about. Isn't that refreshing? Isn't that liberating? You're making your weight an issue before you need to (if, in fact, you EVER need to with a specific someone). You can't know how he really feels about you 'til you meet and get to know one another, but that's the same with all guys.
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Old 07-13-2011, 12:34 PM   #16
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ps: calling non-FAs 'regular guys' might be problematic as you negotiate these romantic-partner-finding waters. There is a lot of power in what we choose to name things.
indeed,its not irregular creepy odd freaky or even all that unusual for men to be attracted to fat women.

the problem is when we can't feel its a regular thing to have people attracted to us.
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Old 07-13-2011, 10:22 PM   #17
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I may be going out on a limb here but it sounds like there's a possibility that you could be nervous getting into a relationship with a "regular guy" because you fear that moment when he hints to you that you could lose weight, or just acts unattracted to your weight in general. With FA's, you know that's not going to happen.

I don't know you or your situation, so I know that could be totally untrue, but just making a guess.
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Old 07-13-2011, 10:31 PM   #18
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I may be going out on a limb here but it sounds like there's a possibility that you could be nervous getting into a relationship with a "regular guy" because you fear that moment when he hints to you that you could lose weight, or just acts unattracted to your weight in general. With FA's, you know that's not going to happen.

I don't know you or your situation, so I know that could be totally untrue, but just making a guess.
With many FAs there's also the possibility that he may want her to remain at her size and not change ever or he would lose interest or even want her to gain which is pretty much the flip side of the same coin you suggest.
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Old 07-13-2011, 10:54 PM   #19
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With many FAs there's also the possibility that he may want her to remain at her size and not change ever or he would lose interest or even want her to gain which is pretty much the flip side of the same coin you suggest.
That's true. I have heard of FAs doing that too.
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Old 07-14-2011, 02:22 AM   #20
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I want someone who wants to be with me, and is attracted to me as I am, however it is that I am. I want them to want to be with me, not just my body.
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Old 07-14-2011, 01:04 PM   #21
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I've never been with an FA, to my knowledge.

And I've never been with anybody that was disgusted by my body, but I am self conscious of my belly and the thought of that part of my body getting some lovin instead of being skipped over is a very appealing thought.

Really though, a man has got to love damn near everything about me. I'm quirky. So is my body. Gotta be more than "putting up with" all of me.
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Old 07-14-2011, 02:39 PM   #22
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Here's a thread I started...wow 5 years ago..lol

http://dimensionsmagazine.com/forums...ghlight=Dating

It's a tiresome debate sometimes. There are many women who just don't understand that there are men..fa or not, who aren't just attracted to a body.

Just because a man is an FA doesn't mean he only sees your fat and just because a man is an FA doesn't mean that he sees more than your fat. That's going to be true of any man you meet.

I dated 2 non-FAs in my life and swore it would never happen again. FAs aren't a mythical creature, but things can be so very, very different with a man that admires, appreciates and ENJOYS a fat body than with a man that is tolerating it or goes for the obvious spots.

Both of those relationships ended because of my weight and the fact that I wasn't planning on changing it at the time.

If you think he's worth it, take a chance. There's no harm in meeting and hanging out. Once you're comfortable with him, talk to him about it.

I married an FA and while he's attracted to my body, he's a Misty admirer.

Good luck!
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Old 07-14-2011, 03:06 PM   #23
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Theatrmuse/Kara has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!Theatrmuse/Kara has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!Theatrmuse/Kara has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!Theatrmuse/Kara has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!Theatrmuse/Kara has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!Theatrmuse/Kara has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!Theatrmuse/Kara has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!Theatrmuse/Kara has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!Theatrmuse/Kara has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!Theatrmuse/Kara has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!Theatrmuse/Kara has a ton of rep. Literally. As in over 2000!
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[I married an FA and while he's attracted to my body, he's a Misty admirer.

Good luck![/COLOR][/QUOTE]

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Old 07-14-2011, 05:48 PM   #24
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My feeling is that it's such a precious and rare thing to find a person who you truly connect with and can love, and who connects with and loves you back, that when you find real potential for that it it's best just to go for it and not worry about the labels too much.

Will there probably be specific issues you have to go through with a guy who doesn't have experience dating fat women, or who typically dates thin women? Yes.

Will there be specific issues that come up with a guy who has pretty much exclusively dated fat women? Yes.

Every deep relationship requires work, taking huge risks of vulnerability, and lots of communication. But if it's someone I really saw a potential for love with, and since that comes around so rarely, I would go for it no matter his stated fat-lady-preference.
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Old 07-14-2011, 05:54 PM   #25
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When I was on the small end of fat, I was with a guy who was a closeted FA (don't get me started on that ). He would tell me things like, "you're the smallest girl I've ever dated" and "if you were any thinner, I wouldn't date you." Then he dumped me and hooked up with his ex, who was a lot fatter than I was. Hmm!

I met my current boyfriend shortly thereafter, and since then, I've gone from fat to thin to average. My weight is The Great Fluctuator! Yet, my bf hasn't said anything or done anything to suggest that he prefers me one way over another...which actually feels pretty good!

tl;dr, due to my own experiences, I tend to lean towards guys without a strict preference, because my size is not static.
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