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Old 08-23-2011, 06:54 AM   #251
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It's very possible, Liz.

I approached it as a pure hypothetical, because it hasn't happened to me at this size. When I was in the low-to-mid 200s (when I was 20, after the Optifast fiasco), I did get some interest from guys who wouldn't have considered themselves FAs or into fat women at all. Once I was back into the high 200s and 300s (say 22 onwards), I did not encounter any guys who wanted to be more than friends. I don't know how much of that was influenced by the fact that I had a succession of small social circles that were fairly inhospitable to dating success - a hometown job in a primarily female office, an intense grad school teaching program where my cohort contained 3 single heterosexual guys and the rest of the time I was around teenagers, my first "career" job where I worked 60-hour weeks and traveled all the time. All I know is that the first time that a guy made it clear that he found me romantically (or at least sexually) attractive at my supersize was at my first NAAFA convention. Actually, I take that back: there was a homeless guy at the L'Enfant Plaza train station that thought I was the bee's knees.

Now that I know what to look for (there's a certain gleam in the eye), I have noticed guys in my everyday life who would be interested...if they weren't married. When I was looking to date, I found that putting myself in a social situation with single men who knew they preferred fat women gave me the best odds of finding someone where there was a mutual attraction on both the physical and non-physical levels. For me, that was the HB dances and, to a lesser extent, NAAFA conventions. But I did those things as a part of my regular social life and interacting with my friends, so meeting someone was a fun possibility, not the goal of being there. It did help take some of the social anxiety away to know that the guys there were at least not anti-fat-chick.
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Old 08-23-2011, 07:07 AM   #252
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Originally Posted by liz (di-va) View Post
A woman who is 600 lbs and a woman who is 200 lbs won't have the same experience, nor might they be inclined to attribute/define the same behaviors the same way. A man dating a woman who is 600 lbs vs. a man dating a woman who is 200 lbs. won't have the same things required of them.
.
I've said this (and asked about it and posted about it) all along.
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Old 08-23-2011, 08:19 AM   #253
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Okay, I am guessing that this road might be of limited benefit to travel down, and comparisons are odious and all that, but I can't help but wonder if some of this splintery difference in POV/definitions (around what is not much difference in behavior) might have some connection to body size? And how it influences how people have to travel to get to (more or less) the same place with each other?

A woman who is 600 lbs and a woman who is 200 lbs won't have the same experience, nor might they be inclined to attribute/define the same behaviors the same way. A man dating a woman who is 600 lbs vs. a man dating a woman who is 200 lbs. won't have the same things required of them.

Just a thought. I can see how this could become a very unprofitable discussion about who has things worse or something like that, but it seems worth noting that there are a lot of different experiences that are perhaps being lumped together?

NOT SURE. Don't know. Just thinking.
I also think this is a real possibility, and think that most of us probably realize that the dating experiences and options can (though they don't always) differ quite a bit depending on size (200 and 600 pounds is a good differential for getting at that, and people at both ends come on here and share their experiences). This has been talked about by a number of people in several threads, and I think we don't fully delve into it for a lot of reasons - one of those being that individual experiences do seem to vary dramatically.

Since, interestingly, the few of us in this thread who have been relating experiences of fulfilling relationships of attraction with non-FAs are really not on the smaller-BBW end of things (I acknowledge also that we are also not 600 pounds, though). For me it certainly has never been the norm that guys who typically go for thin women all of a sudden want to date me, and like several others have expressed, I am well-acquainted (VERY well acquainted) with fat-girl dating disappointments. But even so, a handful of times this has happened to me, and it happened twice in the past 6 months, in fact. And one of those guys I now have a very loving, deep, passionate and fun relationship with.

I can't say whether those things are due to other factors like how much someone's size does or does not affect the types of activities they can engage in, or how much accommodation they need on a daily basis, or things like that. Maybe it factors in, it probably does to some extent, but I can't really say and would imagine it varies, at least somewhat. But the reality is that the whole non-FA being attracted to a fat woman scenario has happened to a number of us, so it's not totally a unicorn either.
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Old 08-23-2011, 01:12 PM   #254
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I've said this (and asked about it and posted about it) all along.
Yes! you have.
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Old 09-02-2011, 07:56 PM   #255
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But the reality is that the whole non-FA being attracted to a fat woman scenario has happened to a number of us, so it's not totally a unicorn either.
No, it's not. I married a guy (and we were together for 17 years) who wasn't an FA. Most of the guys I dated when I was young weren't FAs, either, and I still had good experiences. Thing is, there are great FAs and shit FAs just like there are great guys and shit guys. *shrug*
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Old 12-14-2011, 09:50 PM   #256
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I guess cause of my horrible experiences with dudes who claim the title "FA" I try and stay clear of them...i love the fact of someone being into me including my size but I dont want someone to just be into me just cause of my size...
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Old 05-20-2012, 08:21 AM   #257
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I cant get off with non fas... I LOVE the fatish part of being a bbw/ssbbw i love the fatty play n fat talk. Non FAs bore me. Ive met plenty of cute guys who lile big girls but...its not not the same
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Old 05-22-2012, 06:52 PM   #258
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I dated a non-FA earlier this year, because I am at least trying to be open to whatever good may come my way. It ended and the lacking parts and missing features were largely due to my fatness/his non-FA-ness.

Worked to confirm my own feelings - so that was a worthwhile exercise. It had been a long time, so you don't want to get set in your ways just because you "think" that's how it is. This was a nice little path to travel and helped to reinforce my own views (for me and my life) on this topic.
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Old 05-31-2012, 01:03 PM   #259
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My thoughts on this is that it all ends up being about computability in the end. While a fat partner may be someone's preference, it doesn't necessarily exclude the rest of world in terms of their dating pool. I have dated guys that loved my fat, and they gave belly rubs, and encouraged me to eat up, and then I have met guys who told me that I should focus on losing a little weight and being thinner. I find the best mate for me personally is the guy who tells me that if I'm happy the way I am, that they're happy. Someone should be looking for a supportive partner if they're looking for a long term relationship, not just someone who indulges their sexual desires. People have many facets. While no one should just settle for the first person who comes around, I don't think you shouldn't disqualify someone just because they aren't exactly what you're looking for. As someone being constantly being judged for my weight, I would hate to think that I'd given someone a less than fair shake because of an arbitrary title like "FA".
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Old 05-31-2012, 10:30 PM   #260
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Originally Posted by Jeeshcristina View Post
My thoughts on this is that it all ends up being about computability in the end. While a fat partner may be someone's preference, it doesn't necessarily exclude the rest of world in terms of their dating pool. I have dated guys that loved my fat, and they gave belly rubs, and encouraged me to eat up, and then I have met guys who told me that I should focus on losing a little weight and being thinner. I find the best mate for me personally is the guy who tells me that if I'm happy the way I am, that they're happy. Someone should be looking for a supportive partner if they're looking for a long term relationship, not just someone who indulges their sexual desires. People have many facets. While no one should just settle for the first person who comes around, I don't think you shouldn't disqualify someone just because they aren't exactly what you're looking for. As someone being constantly being judged for my weight, I would hate to think that I'd given someone a less than fair shake because of an arbitrary title like "FA".
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Old 06-02-2012, 08:15 AM   #261
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I enjoyed going through and re-reading some posts in this thread


I live with a self-acclaimed FA.

Wha?????

Yeppers, he luvs my fat body, constantly looks at me and tells me I'm beautiful. I feel very confident that he doesn't think I look too fat in that dress and means it every time he compliments me. He speaks like some of the FAs on this forum....saying things like "I wish you knew how sexy I think you are" and "I think you don't believe me when I tell you how attractive I find you". He's really into fat women.....and that seems to be most of his past relationships.

Why did I date him when I speak so avidly about non-FAs and bi-sizuals? He said on his profile "I prefer bigger women but it's okay if you're not". He didn't make it the end all of everything about me.

That was it- that simple. He still likes me and finds me attractive within a 40 lb size difference so far...no hesitation.
Wow, reading back on that....it probably goes back to that fear thing mentioned earlier in this thread. I fear a man giving me shit over my weight and simply put, would end the relationship over it (actually probably never start one). It's a deal breaker for me.

That last long term boyfriend I had.....he only dated one chubby lady and the rest thin women before me.
He found me quite sexy.....I saw it and knew it....it just took me much longer to realize it with him than the FA guy. So I'm saying it took time to realize that he really did find me attractive. Lo and behold, when I look back, it was really a stupid thought process on my part- 'cause it goes back to a previous post I made in this thread....he ain't asking unless he's into it. So why was it so hard for me to grasp in the beginning?
That goes back to other posts in this thread by other women....I was feeling insecure about myself after coming out of a 14 year marriage.
It really had NOTHING to do with him....but rather my own self image. The relationship was a fiasco...but it helped me to realize my own insecurities were what was hurting me once again.


I can see both sides of the coin (or so I like to think *shrugs*). I can take something good out of almost every relationship I have had because that's what I choose to do.

I like this thread because it seems that a lot of truth has been given/spoken in it - from both sides of the argument.


@Eclectic Girl- thanks for that Saturday morning loud laugh you gave to me and my bf with your mention of the homeless guy that thought you were the bee's knees
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