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Old 07-14-2011, 07:16 PM   #26
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i'm an equal opportunity dater. Like AM said. the guy treats me the way I want to be treated i should date them...I should worry about the "label"

Now to find someone that treats me the way I want to be treated
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Old 07-14-2011, 07:25 PM   #27
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I tend to agree with the OP a lot. Thats pretty much my perspective on dating. I've dated/had flings and such with non-FAs and the whole time I felt self conscious and insecure. FAs tend to work best for me because the community is a big part of who I am and I dont know how well I'd be able to explain it to someone who had no prior knowledge of it.

My weight also tends to stay fairly stable, between 180 and 210 when I'm not trying to gain or lose so for me I don't see the point in dating a non-FA. Knock on wood, but besides a major illness I'm never going to be thin. I've learned to make peace with that through the help of Dims and my wonderful FA boyfriend. For that reason I probably wouldnt date a non-FA again if I can help it. Now if one happened to come along and we had great chemistry I wouldn't not give it a shot, but I would constantly feel like he wanted to be with someone else or wished I was thinner. Relationships have enough working against them, the whole "will he judge me if I take that 2nd serving?!" isn't something I like adding to the mix.
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Old 07-14-2011, 09:52 PM   #28
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please excuse what i'm going to say. i don't mean it as a personal judgment but something to just think about. but should a fat woman be so dependent on a particular type of person or a particular group of people in order to like her body or "make peace" with the fact that she'll never be small? is she settling and if so what is she actually settling for. does the inability to feel comfortable in her body anywhere with anyone more something to be dealing with from within themselves than something to be dependent on other people for. is the ability to feel comfortable with ones own body more about the individual person and whats inside them than the security of who they feel they can hang with because they are too afraid to put themselves out there just in case? should she be worrying about exactly what the opinion of someone else will be when she takes the second serving at all? knowing that there are lots of men out there who find larger than average women attractive, why so much fear? shouldn't the fear be dealt with? should she make herself emotionally dependent just because of her size?
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Old 07-15-2011, 04:33 AM   #29
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Ok felecia..I'll bite.

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please excuse what i'm going to say. i don't mean it as a personal judgment but something to just think about. but should a fat woman be so dependent on a particular type of person or a particular group of people in order to like her body or "make peace" with the fact that she'll never be small?
I've never depended upon a man for how I feel about my body. I came to terms with my body years ago and my confidence and self esteem come from me...not from any man. I don't need a man to feel confident, beautiful, sexy and I damn sure didn't date FAs to "make peace" with the fact that I MAY never be small. You always tend to give very little credit to women Felecia. Just because a woman seeks an FA doesn't mean she will be relying on him for anything other than love, stability and other things that go along with committed relationships.
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is she settling and if so what is she actually settling for. does the inability to feel comfortable in her body anywhere with anyone more something to be dealing with from within themselves than something to be dependent on other people for. is the ability to feel comfortable with ones own body more about the individual person and whats inside them than the security of who they feel they can hang with because they are too afraid to put themselves out there just in case? should she be worrying about exactly what the opinion of someone else will be when she takes the second serving at all? knowing that there are lots of men out there who find larger than average women attractive, why so much fear? shouldn't the fear be dealt with? should she make herself emotionally dependent just because of her size?
It's human nature to want to attract a partner and it's ingrained in us that we want to find a partner attractive or be attractive to a partner.

Are you trying to say that fat women are "settling" when it comes to dating an FA? Because to be quite honest, I really can't understand what you are trying to say in that last paragraph.
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Old 07-15-2011, 10:03 AM   #30
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I think this debate comes down to how the fat woman feels about her size. If a fat woman is forever wishing she were smaller then it wouldn't make sense to date an FA. Problem is men who aren't attracted to fat women aren't going to be attracted fat women. It doesn't then make sense to go after a man who would merely tolerate a fat body either. I wouldn't want any man to tolerate my size no matter what size I am. I'd want him to embrace it. If I were trying to loose weight, I wouldn't date until I felt I was the size I wanted to be. The problem then becomes well, what if I do loose weight but then gain it back (which is often inevitable) and the guy I'm with hates the weight gain\? There's no way to win.

I get bristly over the emphasis some women put on the exact meaning of the label "FA." For me it means only that a person is attracted to fat people. No more, no less. It doesn't imply saintly behavior or asshole behavior either. It doesn't imply that he/she only sees the body and not the person. It's just a convenient descriptor.

That said, I have never been thin, will never be thin, don't care to be thin, and don't aspire to be thin, and I like my body the way it is, so it makes sense for me to seek out a guy who will be attracted to my body as it is. Twenty or thirty pounds of flux weight (if I exercise I'm slightly smaller and if I don't i'm slightly larger) won't make much of a difference at the size I am, so it's not something I worry about.

It has been my experience that men who aren't attracted to me aren't attracted to fat women at all, and if a man is attracted to me chances are he's attracted to fat women in general. Whether or not he wants to label himself an FA is his business. What matters is that he likes me and my body. I suppose if I were an inbetweenie it would be more of an issue and I might wonder how much my size has to do with his attraction to me. But ultimately it wouldn't matter as long as he treated me right. As with any man, that's all that matters really.

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Old 07-15-2011, 10:48 AM   #31
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I have met quite a few men recently who have had both bbw, ssbbw and skinnier women and love all of them it depends on the personality of the woman and their compatability

after trying a hard core fa earlier in the year and numerous conversations with them over my time here honestly I am leaning towards the its not all about body size types but I will enjoy every hot sexy inch of you because I do like it shrugs

I am no offence because I do know these boards have some amazing fa's leaning towards the type of man who loves the whole package not just the surface area
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Old 07-15-2011, 10:57 AM   #32
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its not all about body size types but I will enjoy every hot sexy inch of you because I do like it shrugs
I don't know what this means.
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Old 07-15-2011, 11:12 AM   #33
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it means that when I am with you and want to be with you and such in a relationship the other women I have been with irregaurdless of size or shape do not matter I enjoy being with you I havent had much sleep and am pretty wiped basically its a just because someone doesnt identify as an fa doesnt mean they dont find you sexy and attractive in body mind and spirit
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Old 07-15-2011, 11:14 AM   #34
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it means that when I am with you and want to be with you and such in a relationship the other women I have been with irregaurdless of size or shape do not matter I enjoy being with you I havent had much sleep and am pretty wiped basically its a just because someone doesnt identify as an fa doesnt mean they dont find you sexy and attractive in body mind and spirit
i think i'm still not following but i didn't realize you are also dating women. I think it was the 'shrugs' part of the earlier message that made it seem like a part of the sentence was missing! But thank you for explaining, i'll read it again.
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Old 07-15-2011, 11:21 AM   #35
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i think i'm still not following but i didn't realize you are also dating women. I think it was the 'shrugs' part of the earlier message that made it seem like a part of the sentence was missing! But thank you for explaining, i'll read it again.
She's not dating other women. LOL She's been up for like 48 hours and isn't even making sense to herself but she's saying that she's leaning more and more towards men who love women of any size. Since she's a SSBBW, that he'd say he loves every inch of her (as opposed to tolerating it over other features) as well as loving what's inside (I liked her 'the whole package, just not the surface area' part myself, personally) holds more ...um..weight... than a label but she's not knocking the label. That's how I'm reading it.
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Old 07-15-2011, 11:23 AM   #36
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I think this debate comes down to how the fat woman feels about her size. If a fat woman is forever wishing she were smaller then it wouldn't make sense to date an FA.
I don't think that's quite fair. My mom was the most size positive woman I've ever met, at a time prior to SA, and she married my dad, who though not a FA, adored every inch of her. I've never met a man love on a woman so much, especially decades into a relationship. My dad, prior to dating my mom, had dated women of all sizes, and my mom embraced her size in a way I've seen few of us do. She called doctors on fatphobic comments, even before such terms existed. The idea that she shouldn't show her fat bare arms was anathema to her. She wore her cellulite with pride. I don't ever remember her verbalizing a wish to be smaller and in fact, she loved her size.

I haven't dated FAs because growing up how and where I have, they simply didn't exist. My husband has loved me, and my body, since I was 16 years old (I'm 46 now), has admired my body when I was a size 16 to a size 26 and back to a 14. He's loved me through pregnancies, and never made me feel anything other than sexy and desirable.

I've never desperately wished my body to be smaller and the WLS happened to address health problems that were unresolvable. Prior to getting sick with Sarcoidosis, I was an active fat woman who enjoyed her curves and who was super happy with her size. But once I developed a degenerative disease and risked losing my health, mobility and career, my attitude changed. And even with choosing surgery, I told my surgeon I wanted to keep my curves, which is why we negotiated for a minimal amount of intestine bypassed, which has kept me near 200 pounds. I'm still "obese" by medical standards -- hardly the attitude of someone who hates being fat. I had the opportunity to get down to a size 4 and chose not to. Would I do that if I hated being fat? Nope.

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Problem is men who aren't attracted to fat women aren't going to be attracted fat women.
But can a man be attracted to a woman who is fat without self identifying as a FA? Burt has been attracted to me (prior to me he dated women of all sizes) but he doesn't in any way "tolerate" my size and loves my fat because it's part of me. Would he love it on someone else? Hard to say, but on me it's part of the package that makes me... me. I guess what makes him different than what I imagine some FAs to be is that when I wanted to lose weight, though he had huge concerns about WLS, he was supportive. He has continued to be attentive, loving and attracted to me as my body has gone through many changes which included weight loss. Would a FA tolerate that? Some yes. Some no.

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That said, I have never been thin, will never be thin, don't care to be thin, and don't aspire to be thin, and I like my body the way it is, so it makes sense for me to seek out a guy who will be attracted to my body as it is. Twenty or thirty pounds of flux weight (if I exercise I'm slightly smaller and if I don't i'm slightly larger) won't make much of a difference at the size I am, so it's not something I worry about.
We're in the same situation. The difference I suppose is that I didn't need to seek out a FA to find that guy. Maybe if I hadn't been with Burt for decades, things would be different. I imagine the dating world is different now than it was in the 80's? But even so, the guys who have expressed attraction to me have not been FA's. They've been guys who were just attracted to me -- my size, my smile, my wickedness. These days I'm more insecure about my age -- I'm starting to feel like an old lady -- than my size.

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But ultimately it wouldn't matter as long as he treated me right. As with any man, that's all that matters really.
I think this ultimately the most important thing. Labels aside, if the guy likes you and treats you right, do labels matter?
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Old 07-15-2011, 11:31 AM   #37
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That's how I'm reading it.
thank you for the translation!! sometimes i really need one.


Something else I'm wondering is if there IS a split between women at or under a certain weight and women over a certain weight.

i'm not sitting in a mind of a SS woman, but if you asked a 250 lbs woman and a 500 lbs woman how many 'likes women of all sizes/size is not an issue' men she'd met would the numbers be similar?

It's hard to 'test' for since we're all so different. the 500 lbs woman might go out most weekends and chat and flirt while the thinner woman might stay home. It's an imperfect experiment but maybe there's some good anecdotal information out there.

We'll call this evidence-based posting!
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Old 07-15-2011, 11:37 AM   #38
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I dated both. I love FA's. I married an FA almost 18 years ago. I'm happier than I ever thought I'd be.
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Old 07-15-2011, 11:44 AM   #39
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Vickie, if you're not one of those women who were forever wishing she was smaller then, I'm not sure what your point is...Loosing weight for health reasons (whatever that is) is not the same as loosing weight because of general unhappiness with one's looks. One you try to do because you have to, the other you try to do because you want to.

In my mind a woman who is forever wishing she was smaller hates being fat on general principal and most likely doesn't have health issues related to her size. I've know several fat women who felt that way and had wls as a result. They are no longer fat and no longer dating fat admirers. I imagine someone who hates being fat wouldn't want to date a man who was attracted to fat women, and would probably have conflicted feelings about this FA business. Attraction becomes messy.

I just think some fat women make too much of the label and put all kinds of meaning to it that need not be there, and make generalizations where none are necessary. Attraction is attraction. It doesn't matter if he identifies as an FA or not. Again, it's just a convenient descriptor and I see no reason for it to go beyond that definition.
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Old 07-15-2011, 11:48 AM   #40
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Vickie, if you're not one of those women who were forever wishing she was smaller then, I'm not sure what your point is...Loosing weight for health reasons (whatever that is) is not the same as loosing weight because of general unhappiness with one's looks. One you try to do because you have to, the other you try to do because you want to.
My point was in response (I thought) to what I thought you said, which was that women who date non-FA's are women who are forever wishing they were smaller. I wanted to say that in my case, I've dated non-FAs and don't hate my size, never have hated my size. That's all.

Quote:
In my mind a woman who is forever wishing she was smaller hates being fat on general principal and most likely doesn't have health issues related to her size. I've know several fat women who felt that way and had wls as a result. They are no longer fat and no longer dating fat admirers. I imagine someone who hates being fat wouldn't want to date a man who was attracted to fat women, and would probably have conflicted feelings about this FA business. Attraction becomes messy.
True. I carried your point perhaps further than it was intended?
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Old 07-15-2011, 12:07 PM   #41
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thank you for the translation!! sometimes i really need one.


Something else I'm wondering is if there IS a split between women at or under a certain weight and women over a certain weight.

i'm not sitting in a mind of a SS woman, but if you asked a 250 lbs woman and a 500 lbs woman how many 'likes women of all sizes/size is not an issue' men she'd met would the numbers be similar?

It's hard to 'test' for since we're all so different. the 500 lbs woman might go out most weekends and chat and flirt while the thinner woman might stay home. It's an imperfect experiment but maybe there's some good anecdotal information out there.

We'll call this evidence-based posting!
I can't really speak to the experience of a smaller bbw, I can only speculate, but I do wonder the same things Jes.

I've never been smaller than a size 24 and have fluctuated between that size and a size 32. My size has never not been an issue with men. The men I wanted to date who weren't FAs just weren't attracted to me but a couple have remained life long friends who love me deeply. If I were thinner I'm sure I'd have been married four times over by now. Not that I'd want to be married four times, but you know what I mean.

In general I find it hard to believe that a man who isn't already attracted to a mid-size or ssbbw would think that her personality would be so great or that their chemistry would be so awesome for him to willingly embrace a size he's never been attracted to before. I honestly believe any guy who says otherwise is lying. It's more likely he's always been attracted to a woman that size but has struggled with it in some way or another. If he's ready to finally date a woman that size, then he got some kind of push from someone or some thing.

I've had great chemistry with several guys, and once someone else said "oh you two have been spending a lot of time together, what's going on between you?" then they stopped spending so much time with me and put lots of distance between us and things were never the same again. They ended up with thin women. Or if I said something like "I think we're attracted to each other and maybe we have something going here, and we should date," a strong rebuff would quickly follow, and while we're still friends, they still chose thin women.

This is just my experience tho...it's just a fact of life for me at this point. It is extremely important for me to find a guy who is attracted to my size first and if he takes the time to get to know me, and we have chemistry we can go from there, otherwise all I'll get is friendship if that. That is why it matters to me to date an FA. So I just don't get all this hemming and hawing over what it means to be an FA or what that means to a fat woman. If a guy is attracted to me he's attracted to me. Whether or not he is willing to date me is a different matter regardless of what he labels himself.
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Old 07-15-2011, 12:09 PM   #42
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My point was in response (I thought) to what I thought you said, which was that women who date non-FA's are women who are forever wishing they were smaller. I wanted to say that in my case, I've dated non-FAs and don't hate my size, never have hated my size. That's all.



True. I carried your point perhaps further than it was intended?
I guess my definition of a fat hating fatty was where the confusion was. I take it for granted that what I think about the matter is what other fat people will think too. Glad it's cleared up now.
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Old 07-15-2011, 02:32 PM   #43
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Ok felecia..I'll bite.


I've never depended upon a man for how I feel about my body. I came to terms with my body years ago and my confidence and self esteem come from me...not from any man. I don't need a man to feel confident, beautiful, sexy and I damn sure didn't date FAs to "make peace" with the fact that I MAY never be small. You always tend to give very little credit to women Felecia. Just because a woman seeks an FA doesn't mean she will be relying on him for anything other than love, stability and other things that go along with committed relationships.


It's human nature to want to attract a partner and it's ingrained in us that we want to find a partner attractive or be attractive to a partner.

Are you trying to say that fat women are "settling" when it comes to dating an FA? Because to be quite honest, I really can't understand what you are trying to say in that last paragraph.
i'm not making a statement but asking about being the link between uncomfortable within yourself around people who don't necessarily have a fat body as their sexual focus and not being able to take a risk beyond certain perimeters.

nobody should wait on me or anyone else to give themselves credit or approva. they can do that easily for themselves. so my opinions or even questions shouldn't matter to them so much. i think people know their own truths.

maybe its a problem that you're taking this as a personal judgement on you especially since you haven't even posted in this thread before. honestly i don't have time to judge you. i hadn't thought at all about what you're doing or who you're doing it with. and probably neither have most people. this is an exploration about what might work for people what might not and what might motivate people and what might not. if you disagree with what i said that's okay. just don't take everything someone has to say into yourself as a negative judgment on what you do or who you are.

i agree everyone wants to be attractive. i never said anything opposing that. i never said anything about settling at all either. i said what i meant, which is not a comment on FAs at all but on BBWs themselves. it was a inward looking question asking why someone might be so afraid or uncomfortable to date outside of that the community especially when they have said they basically fear dating outside of that. should fear be limiting a BBW that way? isn't that something they should look at? if it had been said that someone preferred FAs just because she liked them , that's one thing but being uncomfortable with your body outside of that sphere is something else altogether. hopefully we can be comfortable with who we are no matter who we are around. i thought that was the ultimate goal? that should apply whether someone dated an FA or not.
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Old 07-15-2011, 03:02 PM   #44
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I think this debate comes down to how the fat woman feels about her size. If a fat woman is forever wishing she were smaller then it wouldn't make sense to date an FA. Problem is men who aren't attracted to fat women aren't going to be attracted fat women. It doesn't then make sense to go after a man who would merely tolerate a fat body either. I wouldn't want any man to tolerate my size no matter what size I am. I'd want him to embrace it. If I were trying to loose weight, I wouldn't date until I felt I was the size I wanted to be. The problem then becomes well, what if I do loose weight but then gain it back (which is often inevitable) and the guy I'm with hates the weight gain\? There's no way to win.

I get bristly over the emphasis some women put on the exact meaning of the label "FA." For me it means only that a person is attracted to fat people. No more, no less. It doesn't imply saintly behavior or asshole behavior either. It doesn't imply that he/she only sees the body and not the person. It's just a convenient descriptor.

That said, I have never been thin, will never be thin, don't care to be thin, and don't aspire to be thin, and I like my body the way it is, so it makes sense for me to seek out a guy who will be attracted to my body as it is. Twenty or thirty pounds of flux weight (if I exercise I'm slightly smaller and if I don't i'm slightly larger) won't make much of a difference at the size I am, so it's not something I worry about.

It has been my experience that men who aren't attracted to me aren't attracted to fat women at all, and if a man is attracted to me chances are he's attracted to fat women in general. Whether or not he wants to label himself an FA is his business. What matters is that he likes me and my body. I suppose if I were an inbetweenie it would be more of an issue and I might wonder how much my size has to do with his attraction to me. But ultimately it wouldn't matter as long as he treated me right. As with any man, that's all that matters really.
i agree with you absolutely that what matters most is how he treats you.

on another point, i know some fat women who seek out FAs specifically because they don't like their fat bodies. maybe it could even be said that some of them do so specifically because of that since some may not truly believe that anything but a dyed in the wool card carrying event going label wearing guy could ever go for them. some don't even feel that men outside of that community can even be genuinely physically attracted to them and can only "tolerate" their body. so there are some people who might go for FAs specifically out of discomfort with their own bodies and would never in a million years take any chance with an unknown quantity.

unfortunately for them there are some fat women who actually need to see what size girls the guy has dated even before they can decide if they can even be receptive to a guy who flirts directly. it doesn't make them bad people or weak people. they are just women being very self protective. but what they have to think about is that just maybe they aren't doing themselves any favors or feeling themselves 100% if they are only limiting themselves because they think that only a very few or very select group of men can possibly truly be attracted to them. FAs in and of themselves have absolutely nothing to do with that though. its up to the fat woman to decide if that's the way she really wants to view life and if its truly healthy for her personally.

semantics are very annoying but it might be important to clarify sometimes especially since people who do label themselves and people who don't often belong to two very different schools of thought and bring a different philosophy to how they think and feel about fat women.
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Old 07-15-2011, 03:15 PM   #45
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i'm not making a statement but asking about being the link between uncomfortable within yourself around people who don't necessarily have a fat body as their sexual focus and not being able to take a risk beyond certain perimeters.

nobody should wait on me or anyone else to give themselves credit or approva. they can do that easily for themselves. so my opinions or even questions shouldn't matter to them so much. i think people know their own truths.

maybe its a problem that you're taking this as a personal judgement on you especially since you haven't even posted in this thread before. honestly i don't have time to judge you. i hadn't thought at all about what you're doing or who you're doing it with. and probably neither have most people. this is an exploration about what might work for people what might not and what might motivate people and what might not. if you disagree with what i said that's okay. just don't take everything someone has to say into yourself as a negative judgment on what you do or who you are.

i agree everyone wants to be attractive. i never said anything opposing that. i never said anything about settling at all either. i said what i meant, which is not a comment on FAs at all but on BBWs themselves. it was a inward looking question asking why someone might be so afraid or uncomfortable to date outside of that the community especially when they have said they basically fear dating outside of that. should fear be limiting a BBW that way? isn't that something they should look at? if it had been said that someone preferred FAs just because she liked them , that's one thing but being uncomfortable with your body outside of that sphere is something else altogether. hopefully we can be comfortable with who we are no matter who we are around. i thought that was the ultimate goal? that should apply whether someone dated an FA or not.
oops i did say something about settling. but i didn't mean settling for FAs as if they were somehow less than other men. what i meant was settling only because a fat woman is too scared to branch out or take a chance because she is afraid. that has nothing to do with the quality of individual FAs, just artificial personal limitations.
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Old 07-15-2011, 03:23 PM   #46
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thank you for the translation!! sometimes i really need one.


Something else I'm wondering is if there IS a split between women at or under a certain weight and women over a certain weight.

i'm not sitting in a mind of a SS woman, but if you asked a 250 lbs woman and a 500 lbs woman how many 'likes women of all sizes/size is not an issue' men she'd met would the numbers be similar?

It's hard to 'test' for since we're all so different. the 500 lbs woman might go out most weekends and chat and flirt while the thinner woman might stay home. It's an imperfect experiment but maybe there's some good anecdotal information out there.

We'll call this evidence-based posting!
i used to be 410. recently i've come down about 100lbs. it shows a whole lot on my face so i give an overall impression that i am much smaller than i am. i don't see a whole lot of difference in how most men treat me or respond to me in public. i still get compliments or flirts when i'm out every day. the odd thing is i've gotten the most compliments over the lost weight from people inside of the community. the ones who didn't even know me before often say they prefer me this way. it was something i absolutely had not expected. maybe we make too much of what we read on dims after all. i don't know.
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Old 07-15-2011, 03:40 PM   #47
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i agree with you absolutely that what matters most is how he treats you.

on another point, i know some fat women who seek out FAs specifically because they don't like their fat bodies. maybe it could even be said that some of them do so specifically because of that since some may not truly believe that anything but a dyed in the wool card carrying event going label wearing guy could ever go for them. some don't even feel that men outside of that community can even be genuinely physically attracted to them and can only "tolerate" their body. so there are some people who might go for FAs specifically out of discomfort with their own bodies and would never in a million years take any chance with an unknown quantity.

unfortunately for them there are some fat women who actually need to see what size girls the guy has dated even before they can decide if they can even be receptive to a guy who flirts directly. it doesn't make them bad people or weak people. they are just women being very self protective. but what they have to think about is that just maybe they aren't doing themselves any favors or feeling themselves 100% if they are only limiting themselves because they think that only a very few or very select group of men can possibly truly be attracted to them. FAs in and of themselves have absolutely nothing to do with that though. its up to the fat woman to decide if that's the way she really wants to view life and if its truly healthy for her personally.

semantics are very annoying but it might be important to clarify sometimes especially since people who do label themselves and people who don't often belong to two very different schools of thought and bring a different philosophy to how they think and feel about fat women.
It doesn't make sense to me that a fat woman would date an FA because they hate their bodies. That's whakadoo....Are you saying they would only date an FA because they don't think they can do any better? This would imply that there was something wrong with the idea that someone would be attracted to a fat person. That's the same as a guy dating fat women because they don't think they can do any better. Either way it stinks. Let those people have each other.
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Old 07-15-2011, 06:39 PM   #48
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It doesn't make sense to me that a fat woman would date an FA because they hate their bodies. That's whakadoo....Are you saying they would only date an FA because they don't think they can do any better? This would imply that there was something wrong with the idea that someone would be attracted to a fat person. That's the same as a guy dating fat women because they don't think they can do any better. Either way it stinks. Let those people have each other.
yeah it stinks but there it is. you can't blame the folks who feel that way though. when you think of all of the pressure lots of people get all of their lives from the media and even family and friends over the years its perfectly understandable. it can really warp our sense of ourselves and who and what we really are. i think people who don't feel that way or never have, have a responsibility to empathize but not enable other folks to stay in that place so they can eventually break out and be supported in being everything they can be. its usually, but not always, someone just starting to know themselves. i do know some people who have a very confident facade who have admitted that they've actually felt that way too though--even if its only for a moment.

i'm not sure if its because they don't feel they can do better. i just think they like to be in situations that they feel they can be certain of and control. i think some people like to feel that being with certain kinds of people will guarantee them some kind of acceptance--at least the sexual kind. unfortunately life isn't really like that. no one can really be that certain of anyone no matter their designation. just because someone is an FA it doesn't stand to reason that he'll be instantly or always attracted to a particular person anyway. that's why some women get so upset and disappointed when a particular FA isn't attracted to their shape, type or personality. the guy doesn't owe anyone an automatic attraction just because he likes fat women. but some people hold them to that standard like its some promise he made to donate his life to any fat woman coming along. suddenly he is no longer an FA because he isn't attracted to them personally. so actually there is the same risk with him as with any other man.

feeling the need to control things so much could possibly cut out the one for a particular fat woman. we can't really know what kind of package the person who is best for us will come in. so pretty much like you said, maybe we just need to be open to anything good coming our way. but its hard to really blame people who just want a little certainty or emotional or sexual security in their lives. it might not be such a bad thing for a woman's self esteem, at least to begin with, if she can go somewhere and at least feel personally sure that she can at least get laid whenever she wants--whether that's true or not. bu hopefully in the long term she won't need to be propped up by some kind of false certainty, that depends on the approval of other people, to like herself just he way she is.
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Old 07-15-2011, 07:33 PM   #49
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She's not dating other women. LOL She's been up for like 48 hours and isn't even making sense to herself but she's saying that she's leaning more and more towards men who love women of any size. Since she's a SSBBW, that he'd say he loves every inch of her (as opposed to tolerating it over other features) as well as loving what's inside (I liked her 'the whole package, just not the surface area' part myself, personally) holds more ...um..weight... than a label but she's not knocking the label. That's how I'm reading it.

This is exactly what I was trying to say ty Lainey for reading through my jumbled thoughts and helping them to make sense
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Old 07-15-2011, 08:08 PM   #50
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maybe its a problem that you're taking this as a personal judgement on you especially since you haven't even posted in this thread before. honestly i don't have time to judge you. i hadn't thought at all about what you're doing or who you're doing it with. and probably neither have most people. this is an exploration about what might work for people what might not and what might motivate people and what might not. if you disagree with what i said that's okay. just don't take everything someone has to say into yourself as a negative judgment on what you do or who you are.
First off, I posted on the first page http://dimensionsmagazine.com/forums...3&postcount=22 So, this has nothing to do with thinking that you're judging me. What you, or anyone else, thinks about my marriage doesn't bother me.

I had typed out a long response, but I just can't hit send, because you just don't get it....and never will.

God forbid a woman is with a man that finds every roll, dimple, double chin, bat wing, fupa, etc. attractive. I just don't understand your logic that a fat woman that dates/fucks/marries an FA has done so because she doesn't think she has any choice or is a body-hating, self loathing, bitch in heat.


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