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Old 07-15-2011, 02:20 PM   #1
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Ok I came across the dimension site a few weeks ago and have been learning things in reading the different treads. I am 42 and have been fat all my life but I never knew there was an SA community out there. I didnít realize there were FAs. I have been married to my husband for almost 21 yrs and when I met him I was at about 230 and have doubled in size since then. I have always felt he was a contributing factor to my weight gain because when I have dieted he would make it a point to bring fatty fast foods home. If he worked late and I was asleep he would wake me up to eat them with him. If I would tell him no he would hold the food under my nose and say mmm it smells good you sure you donít want any. Well as Iím sure we all know when some one is dieting you just donít do that to them. When we first got together and I would cook dinner and I would serve a regular portion for me he would tell me ďIs that all your gona eat? Here get some more.Ē So he would serve me more food. If he was hungry and I wasnít he would say ďfine I guess even though Iím hungry I will not eat either till you are ready to eat.Ē That would make me feel bad because I knew he was hungry so I would eat even though I wasnít hungry. My mom and even some friends tell me that he does this because he is insecure and feels that by me being so fat is the only way he will keep other men from being interested in me. My best friend is always telling me that I am very attractive and sexy and that my husband is just afraid of loosing me. My question now after discovering this community is, could my husband perhaps just be an FA and one who likes to see his woman gain wait. I believe I am the only fat woman he has ever been with so Iím not sure if he is an FA or just someone who fell in love with me despite my size. Like I have said I have doubled in size since I have met him, which I hate, and he still loves me. I have noticed though when we go out and he notices other women they are always smaller women like around 140 to 150lb. So could he be an FA and since we new nothing about this community just not realize it. And if he is an FA is it going to be a constant fight when I want to loose weight or am I going to have to leave him to do so.
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Old 07-15-2011, 04:31 PM   #2
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I've been married 21 yrs and was about 200 when we married. I've almost doubled in size myself. I understand where you are coming from. I think you husband must be a fat admirer to a certain extent or he wouldn't fell in love & married you in the first place. Simply show him this website and ask if applies to him. My husband likes thicker women too but thinks all body types can be attractive. I won't lie. I feel intimidated sometimes if I see him gazing at another beautiful lady...but in the end he comes home with me. I can't tell you why you're hubby always tried to feed ya more, only he can. Sounds like it's time for a heart2heart I wouldn't go into it expecting some huge revelation tho. Hugs! And welcome to Dims. Kinda new here too.
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Old 07-15-2011, 07:04 PM   #3
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Everyone is different. I can't tell you what he'll do and what he is. I CAN tell you that it sounds a lot like my marriage as I did nearly double in weight during the relationship and that losing weight drastically changed the relationship and is now over but for legal paperwork and a moving truck.

Do what is best for YOU personally since it's YOUR body and you only get one life. If he can't deal then you'll need to reevaluate but don't compromise your own health and self-esteem.

I'm happy for the first time in nearly 12 years and getting happier every day even though it's a daily struggle.
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Old 07-15-2011, 10:42 PM   #4
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I wouldn't twist myself up wondering if he is a ' fa ' or not. This is someone who really disrespected you and undermined you when you were trying to do something you wanted. No matter what...remember that he wanted to see you fail. There is something very dark about that. There are men who are insecure and want to make sure ( in their brains, as it is not fact ) that their partner won't be desired by anybody else...there are closet cases who are very passive-aggressive...and there are men who want their personal fat project. Talk to him and tell him what you need from him, and ask him if he can do what you need. Watch his eyes...really listen. You have been with him half your life.......you will know. Trust yourself.
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Old 07-16-2011, 01:36 AM   #5
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I agree with the above posters. Can't tell if he is an Fa,Feedee or if he is trying to keep you plump for some "She wont get away" kind of reason. I'd ask for clarification on the subject, stat. I wouldnt mention the FA or Feedee bit as they are key words for an easy excuse if its an insecurity thing. Talk to him.
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Old 07-16-2011, 09:43 AM   #6
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I think what everyone said above is indeed possible in terms of him trying to keep you fat intentionally out of fear or something, but I also think it's worth talking with him about his own relationship to food, what it meant in his family, and stuff like that. For certain people and families delicious food and an abundance of it communicates love and comfort and stuff like that - so deprivation is about a lot more than just someone losing weight or not. There's a lot of possibilities and factors, and ultimately you know him best and have a sense of what's really behind everything.
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Old 07-18-2011, 01:50 PM   #7
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Quote:
Originally Posted by mcbeth View Post
I think what everyone said above is indeed possible in terms of him trying to keep you fat intentionally out of fear or something, but I also think it's worth talking with him about his own relationship to food, what it meant in his family, and stuff like that. For certain people and families delicious food and an abundance of it communicates love and comfort and stuff like that - so deprivation is about a lot more than just someone losing weight or not. There's a lot of possibilities and factors, and ultimately you know him best and have a sense of what's really behind everything.
Any man who shows an intense preoccupation with how a woman eats is exerting control. I recently ended a relationship with a man who adored my body; however, he took full control of what we ate in the service of health. In the beginning of the relationship I mistook his exclusive control of what we ate as a sign of his caring for our health. My partner had rigid rules about food as the food had to be organic, could not be in plastic, etc., etc. My interpretation of this behavior now that I am out of the relationship was that it was an example of his obsessive need to control and to fixate on me to avoid looking at himself.
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Old 07-18-2011, 02:03 PM   #8
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i don't think it really matters whether he's flying under a label. if you aren't feeling good about it that's what matters. you just have to assess what you want for yourself and whether he can truly be a part of that or not. then you have to think about whether you can deal with it or not. don't get caught up in all of this FA/feeder stuff. it can really muddy things up when its really simple. all you need to know is if he is nice to you. are you getting what YOU want out of all of this? start caring about you.
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Old 07-18-2011, 03:17 PM   #9
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There are men who like to help/make women get fatter. If they are successful, a partner will go from thin(ner) to fat(ter). It's always possible that your husband encouraged you to eat b/c he wanted you fatter and that when he finds thinner women attractive, he's internally thinking: wow, she'd look great if I fed her up another 200 lbs!

I definitely think you're curious enough to have some balls-out talks with him and I encourage you to do so! Just to connect on that level, if nothing else, and to see what makes him tick.
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