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Old 07-28-2011, 05:16 PM   #26
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Originally Posted by Jon Blaze View Post
"FAs are somehow more "evolved", intelligent, empathetic and courageous than everyone else."
Judging by the reactions and comments I often see from some fellow FAs (not necessarily on these boards) I doubt this...

To add to what has been discussed in the recent replies: I am an engineer and I think I may have some autistic traits, so I seem to be fitting the stereotype
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Old 07-29-2011, 08:07 PM   #27
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At the risk of being flamed, let me suggest another possibility here. One of my heroes is Temple Grandin, who is an engineer and is autistic. Several times in her writings she has pointed out that a great number of engineers score high on the autism scale. To grossly oversimplify, autism involves seeing things in a different, more detailed way than most people: Dr. Grandin has said that an autistic person sees all the leaves on a tree. Most of us don't "see" what's in front of us: we categorize it as belonging to a certain concept, and we "see" our (blurry) mental picture of the concept (This is why people who are asked to draw a tree come up with something that looks like a lollipop. There is a book called Drawing on the Right Side of the Brain that discusses ways for the artist to get away from concepts and simply draw what is there; it's hard to do). We say that FA's and FFA's see the beauty in fat people that others cannot see; I wonder if a lot of them are a little further towards the autistic end of the perception spectrum* and are in fact picking up details that others ignore by reducing a fat person to a concept and not seeing what is there?

*I am aware that this is true for me.
This is interesting. I wonder what the percentages would be if someone studied it? Although, I'm not any of those things and I'm an FFA, but I have two male FA in my family and one definitely is a very technical/computer genius type. I'll get in even more trouble than you and theorize further. If that's true that many FA and FFA are borderline autistic or outright autistic, it could explain a lot about the stories of strange behavior and lack of social skills that are presented as stereotypical of fat admirers. Again, this is just theory, and it certainly doesn't cover all of us, nor am I saying all engineers, etc. have bad social skills, or that bad FA behavior is excusable, etc, etc, etc, CMA.
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Old 08-07-2011, 12:40 PM   #28
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Originally Posted by Jon Blaze View Post
"FAs are somehow more "evolved", intelligent, empathetic and courageous than everyone else."

One note: Please make suggestions for future threads in the myths and misconceptions thread. Try to stay on topic.

Other than that: BEGIN!
I've never once heard anyone say that FAs are more evolved, intelligent, empathetic or courageous than everyone else. Where the heck did this myth come from anyway?

They're just people. Same as everyone else.
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Old 08-07-2011, 03:55 PM   #29
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Originally Posted by Jon Blaze View Post
"FAs are somehow more "evolved", intelligent, empathetic and courageous than everyone else."
Definitely not true. I've met all kinds. From broke, lazy, dumb scumbags to intelligent, wealthy businessmen.

It was the same way when I was thin.

Last edited by *Goofy*Girl*; 08-07-2011 at 03:58 PM. Reason: Had to remove something. :)
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Old 08-07-2011, 04:51 PM   #30
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Default That so-called FA's actually are attracted to fat people

I really think that FAs' lack of social contact because of the autism thing is what leads them to date and/or approach fat women or fat men because the fat person is more likely to not have much experience in the arena of dating experience, so they don't know that the person's inappropriateness is what drives away potential dates, leading them to seek out fat people because they perceive us as friendlier, more tolerant, and in general, someone that won't know that the person is eating with his/her hands (like the last FA I dated) or that they left no tip (one before that) or that they are cheap, horrifically ugly or old or want something.

I don't hate them for it but the fact is, if these people could get Megan Fox or Chris Hemsworth, they'd do it like anyone else. Yes, we may have pretty faces, great personalities, intelligence, senses of humor, but in the long run, when the Firewind concert comes on Oct 16, I will remain dateless for that just like the last 4 concerts I went to, getting no numbers, not even one drunk wackjob hitting on me, and being instantly "friend zoned" by any decent-looking guy I know or ever meet and no male interest of any kind, one comes down to a conclusion: Nobody normal wants to date a fat person. And if they do, it's because they like our personality not our looks.

And that is why I no longer bother with my appearance over being clean and keeping my hair out of my face. Worrying about my appearance as a fat woman is like being a falling tree in the woods: No one is there to see it or hear it.
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Old 08-07-2011, 06:46 PM   #31
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I really think that FAs' lack of social contact because of the autism thing is what leads them to date and/or approach fat women or fat men because the fat person is more likely to not have much experience in the arena of dating experience, so they don't know that the person's inappropriateness is what drives away potential dates, leading them to seek out fat people because they perceive us as friendlier, more tolerant, and in general, someone that won't know that the person is eating with his/her hands (like the last FA I dated) or that they left no tip (one before that) or that they are cheap, horrifically ugly or old or want something.

I don't hate them for it but the fact is, if these people could get Megan Fox or Chris Hemsworth, they'd do it like anyone else. Yes, we may have pretty faces, great personalities, intelligence, senses of humor, but in the long run, when the Firewind concert comes on Oct 16, I will remain dateless for that just like the last 4 concerts I went to, getting no numbers, not even one drunk wackjob hitting on me, and being instantly "friend zoned" by any decent-looking guy I know or ever meet and no male interest of any kind, one comes down to a conclusion: Nobody normal wants to date a fat person. And if they do, it's because they like our personality not our looks.

And that is why I no longer bother with my appearance over being clean and keeping my hair out of my face. Worrying about my appearance as a fat woman is like being a falling tree in the woods: No one is there to see it or hear it.
There are some people who date fat people for the reasons you mentioned but I'm not one of them. I chose a fat partner because I actually (GASP!) wanted a fat partner. I enjoy and prefer to be with a fat woman and would not leave her if a thin woman became available. I'm not perfect, but I'm not so broken that I view my partner as less than a person and treat her with respect. I'll say it again, there are no negative, shameful, closeted, or disrespectful parts to my fat girl love, and I'm not the only one.

I'm not with a fat person because its all I could get, if I had wanted a thin person I could have had one, they aren't unicorns, I see them everyday. Each person has their own attractions and turn offs and their own traits, you just have to find someone who likes what you've got and you like them back, its nothing more than that.
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Old 08-07-2011, 09:22 PM   #32
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This "myth" does not exist, except in this thread.

I have always been an FA, I never wanted to date a thin woman, and I am not autistic.

Yes I have a science background but that means nothing. In my experience FAs come from all walks of life just like any other group.
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Old 08-07-2011, 11:32 PM   #33
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I don't hate them for it but the fact is, if these people could get Megan Fox or Chris Hemsworth, they'd do it like anyone else.

I USED TO think that way. And true, there are SOME people that masquerade as FA's when they are in fact not.

However, there are some men that I have spoken with that said they find a skinny body repulsive, unfeminine, and not a turn on at all. So no, they definitely wouldn't go for Megan Fox.
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Old 08-08-2011, 05:49 AM   #34
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I USED TO think that way. And true, there are SOME people that masquerade as FA's when they are in fact not.

However, there are some men that I have spoken with that said they find a skinny body repulsive, unfeminine, and not a turn on at all. So no, they definitely wouldn't go for Megan Fox.
Okay, but they also usually don't go for Gabourey Sidibe either. Sorry, but maybe like 1 out of 1,000 men is a chubby chaser, but the rest are just settling. Sad but true, and that is why I don't even get attracted to anyone anymore. Why bother with it when there aren't enough potential dates to go around? So I can spend money I don't have buying makeup, perfume, and clothes to impress other fat women who will have the same deluded idea that we all look so pretty that the (largely non-existent) FA's will all come out of the woodwork and we will be barraged with so many suitors we won't know what to do?

It's nice for you that you believe that. It really is, but wait until you are shot down by any and all men you are attracted to anywhere and always the sexless fat friend, never the girlfriend. You'll eventually get the idea.

Denial is not just a river in Egypt.
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Old 08-08-2011, 08:57 AM   #35
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Definitely not true. I've met all kinds. From broke, lazy, dumb scumbags to intelligent, wealthy businessmen.

It was the same way when I was thin.
people are people.
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Old 08-08-2011, 08:59 AM   #36
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Denial is not just a river in Egypt.
back at ya, kiddo.
sorry life's been terrible to you. hope things pick up one day.
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Old 08-08-2011, 01:06 PM   #37
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I'm so empathetic to the point where a psychic actually told me I was psychic because of my obscene empathy levels, and all I had to do was awaken them (basically pay attention to that part of myself).

But I don't really think I'm more evolved or anything. A psychic just told me I was psychic... or whatever. It was a creepy day/rest of the semester after that.

off topic...
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Old 08-08-2011, 03:18 PM   #38
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Nobody normal wants to date a fat person. And if they do, it's because they like our personality not our looks.

And that is why I no longer bother with my appearance over being clean and keeping my hair out of my face. Worrying about my appearance as a fat woman is like being a falling tree in the woods: No one is there to see it or hear it.
Do you believe this to be real or is this part of a myth construct because there are plenty of normal people who want to date (heh I originally typed 'eat') fat people. Do you really think no one notices fat women in a positive way? Finds them attractive? Alluring? Sexy? That's not my experience and I find it hard to believe that's your experience too unless you deliberately make yourself unattractive (not saying you do at all) but the last part of your post is rather confusing or defeatist. And depressing. And for the record, I HAVE been rejected or dismissed PLENTY but I still get plenty of attention too. Maybe it's not your appearance but your attitude?

I'm really not knocking you but trying to figure this out. I'm genuinely curious.

EDT: Like Disconnectedsmile said: I really hope things get better for you.
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Old 08-08-2011, 04:20 PM   #39
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...because there are plenty of normal people who want to date (heh I originally typed 'eat') fat people.
FA myth: not all FAs eat fat people.
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Old 08-08-2011, 04:21 PM   #40
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FA myth: not all FAs eat fat people.
I don't see why not. We're delicious.
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Old 08-08-2011, 05:44 PM   #41
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I really think that FAs' lack of social contact because of the autism thing is what leads them to date and/or approach fat women or fat men because the fat person is more likely to not have much experience in the arena of dating experience, so they don't know that the person's inappropriateness is what drives away potential dates, leading them to seek out fat people because they perceive us as friendlier, more tolerant, and in general, someone that won't know that the person is eating with his/her hands (like the last FA I dated) or that they left no tip (one before that) or that they are cheap, horrifically ugly or old or want something.

Nobody normal wants to date a fat person. And if they do, it's because they like our personality not our looks.
I'm not trying to jump on your case, at all, I'm not. I realize each individual's experience may vary, but the above is a really unfair characterization of fat admirers. I'm one of the female FAs and I know a lot of the fat admirers from here, male and female, fat and thin and I'll tell you, there are plenty of attractive, smart, funny, talented, kind fat admirers who are good catches for anyone, but they truly only want fat partners. I also know from FA to FA conversations, that many fat admirers have had a type of attraction to fat people long before they were of a sexual age. Many of us enjoyed looking at fat people more than thin from childhood, it's an aesthetic as well as sexual attraction for some of us. But I think it's really unfair to fat admirers and fat people to say that only a weirdo or loser would want a fat partner and that's how your post comes across. I'm sorry if you've had bad experiences, but that's not all that is out there. Really. (smiley face to prove I am being friendly and not getting on your case)
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Old 08-08-2011, 06:16 PM   #42
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I really think that FAs' lack of social contact because of the autism thing is what leads them to date and/or approach fat women or fat men because the fat person is more likely to not have much experience in the arena of dating experience, so they don't know that the person's inappropriateness is what drives away potential dates, leading them to seek out fat people because they perceive us as friendlier, more tolerant, and in general, someone that won't know that the person is eating with his/her hands (like the last FA I dated) or that they left no tip (one before that) or that they are cheap, horrifically ugly or old or want something.

I don't hate them for it but the fact is, if these people could get Megan Fox or Chris Hemsworth, they'd do it like anyone else.*snip*
I would've cheerfully stepped over one hundred nekkid Megan Foxes to reach any one of the gorgeous cute fat girls I've had awesome LTRs with.


Quote:
Yes, we may have pretty faces, great personalities, intelligence, senses of humor, but in the long run, when the Firewind concert comes on Oct 16, I will remain dateless for that just like the last 4 concerts I went to, getting no numbers, not even one drunk wackjob hitting on me, and being instantly "friend zoned" by any decent-looking guy I know or ever meet and no male interest of any kind, one comes down to a conclusion: Nobody normal wants to date a fat person. And if they do, it's because they like our personality not our looks.

And that is why I no longer bother with my appearance over being clean and keeping my hair out of my face. Worrying about my appearance as a fat woman is like being a falling tree in the woods: No one is there to see it or hear it.
^That's what's known as a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Personal hygiene is definitely on my list of "must haves" for prospective gfs... and I reckon it's a priority for a number of other fellas too...
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Old 08-08-2011, 06:24 PM   #43
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Okay, but they also usually don't go for Gabourey Sidibe either. Sorry, but maybe like 1 out of 1,000 men is a chubby chaser, but the rest are just settling. Sad but true, and that is why I don't even get attracted to anyone anymore. Why bother with it when there aren't enough potential dates to go around? So I can spend money I don't have buying makeup, perfume, and clothes to impress other fat women who will have the same deluded idea that we all look so pretty that the (largely non-existent) FA's will all come out of the woodwork and we will be barraged with so many suitors we won't know what to do?

It's nice for you that you believe that. It really is, but wait until you are shot down by any and all men you are attracted to anywhere and always the sexless fat friend, never the girlfriend. You'll eventually get the idea.
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Denial is not just a river in Egypt
.
Funny you should say that - I've sailed down the Nile, on a felucca.
All the big girls on the trip got hit on like crazy out there.

Also - All of my BBW exes are happily dating / paired off.

Whenever I saw a cute BBW out in Spain, she was with her bf / husband.

YMMV.
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Old 08-08-2011, 06:29 PM   #44
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I don't see why not. We're delicious.
I am unable to rep you.
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Old 08-09-2011, 09:13 AM   #45
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I'm not trying to jump on your case, at all, I'm not. I realize each individual's experience may vary, but the above is a really unfair characterization of fat admirers. I'm one of the female FAs and I know a lot of the fat admirers from here, male and female, fat and thin and I'll tell you, there are plenty of attractive, smart, funny, talented, kind fat admirers who are good catches for anyone, but they truly only want fat partners. I also know from FA to FA conversations, that many fat admirers have had a type of attraction to fat people long before they were of a sexual age. Many of us enjoyed looking at fat people more than thin from childhood, it's an aesthetic as well as sexual attraction for some of us. But I think it's really unfair to fat admirers and fat people to say that only a weirdo or loser would want a fat partner and that's how your post comes across. I'm sorry if you've had bad experiences, but that's not all that is out there. Really. (smiley face to prove I am being friendly and not getting on your case)

I think you both have a point. While it's true that not only losers and weirdos will want fat people, somehow, it's the losers and the weirdos who seek us out half the time. Maybe they figure they have nothing else to lose so why not. I dunno, but I've met more than one guy like that in my lifetime. (That fat people are more accepting of flaws is a myth too.)

And the ones who aren't overly weird, sad, and pathetic are often just too fucking scared to actually try to date you. The decent, normal, forthright, kind ones do exist, but they are few and far between and a fat person could go half their lives before meeting even one person suitable enough to be in a relationship with.
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Old 08-09-2011, 10:22 AM   #46
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I don't see why not. We're delicious.
and scrumptious
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Old 08-09-2011, 11:35 AM   #47
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Okay, but they also usually don't go for Gabourey Sidibe either. Sorry, but maybe like 1 out of 1,000 men is a chubby chaser, but the rest are just settling. Sad but true, and that is why I don't even get attracted to anyone anymore. Why bother with it when there aren't enough potential dates to go around? So I can spend money I don't have buying makeup, perfume, and clothes to impress other fat women who will have the same deluded idea that we all look so pretty that the (largely non-existent) FA's will all come out of the woodwork and we will be barraged with so many suitors we won't know what to do?
I dress nicely, wear make up and put on perfume, not because I'm trying to attract a man (I'm married), but because I like doing those things and they make me feel good about myself. When I was single, and actually even now that I am married, the times that I was approached by men was when I was relaxed and having fun with my friends or whoever I was with and didn't care about getting hit on. If I was focused on "Gotta find a man!" it was like I was coated in cooties and no one would even talk to me.

You've obviously had a really rough time in relationships and I am truly sorry for that. I know it's cliched, but you really won't convince someone to care about you until you care about yourself. I hope things get better for you.

I saw a clip of Gabi Sidibe on the red carpet before the Oscars just about charm the pants off of Gerard Butler, so I wouldn't write her off so quickly.
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Old 08-09-2011, 04:26 PM   #48
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Okay, but they also usually don't go for Gabourey Sidibe either. Sorry, but maybe like 1 out of 1,000 men is a chubby chaser, but the rest are just settling.
Correct observation, but false conclusion. A useful perspective on this is provided by a topic suggestion by Jack Secret in the "FA Myths and Misconceptions - Suggestions Thread"

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FA's think all fat women are beautiful. [MYTH]
as well as a poll that appeared on this forum a while back, "Face or Figure?" which was won by the "face" option.

Even the most ardent FAs at not attracted to weight alone. It is a major factor in their attraction, but not the only factor. This doesn't make them false FAs; rather, it just means that weight is a significant but not exclusive factor in attraction.

FA=/= FOA. That is, "Fat Admirer," of which there are many, is not the same as "Fat Only Admirer," of which there are few.
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Old 08-10-2011, 08:23 AM   #49
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I've never once heard anyone say that FAs are more evolved, intelligent, empathetic or courageous than everyone else. Where the heck did this myth come from anyway?

They're just people. Same as everyone else.
I think an FA once said that being an FA allows him to sympathize more with fat people than he would be if he wasn't FA and some weight bigot was all like "OH SO YOU THINK YOU'RE BETTER THAN ME CAUSE YOU LIKE NASTY FATTIES!" I'm sure this rumor started like that. I wouldn't take it personally.
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Old 08-11-2011, 06:18 PM   #50
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To add to what has been discussed in the recent replies: I am an engineer and I think I may have some autistic traits, so I seem to be fitting the stereotype
I can't speak for other FAs, only myself. I am pleasantly surprised to see how many engineers here love fat women. Great minds think alike.

Maybe I do have more empathy than the average man. I remember being fascinated by the fattest girl in 2nd grade and feeling empathy because I could see it took more effort for her to move around than all the thin girls. Over the years as she blossomed into a voluptuous supersize beauty I could see she was so heavy she had to brace herself to stand up, but she did it in one fluid motion and after she was on her feet she carried her fat with style and grace and seemed genuinely happy with herself. She & I don't regard obesity as a disability but it does make life more complicated. We turned out to be personally compatible and we dated in high school. We also dated others from time to time, which only made it more clear that we were meant for each other. By then I cared so much about her I married her. More than 30 years of marriage later, it only gets better. I want her to be happy, and I try to be aware of her needs, desires, abilities and limitations.

I doubt I was particularly courageous for liking such a fat girl. You don't need to be courageous when you simply don't care what anyone thinks. But sometimes I had to make a stand. My parents were very anti-fat, and I could ignore it only so much. My mother said I shouldn't date anyone so fat because it was unhealthy. My father said no son of his would date a fat girl, and he tried to break us up. He went so far as to call her mother to demand she keep her daughter away from me! I came very close to a full-out fist fight with my father. He probably could have beat the crap out of me, but I would have at least torn out a piece of him, so he backed down. My father still tried to persuade me whenever possible to date a nice petite cutie instead, but he no longer actively interfered. He did refuse to attend our wedding though. Oh well, his loss.
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