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Old 08-24-2011, 09:51 PM   #1
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Default Being shy about liking big women

So here's my thing. As long as I can remember I have loved big and "overweight" women. I have never liked thin girls that much. I mean I do but not to the extent that I like big women. I'm finishing high school and have been asked a number of times what kind of girls I like because most guys I know are all about a woman's chest or their butt and such.

I am embarrassed really to say that I like big girls. I have never told anyone except my sister who I know I can tell anything and she wont judge me. She is the type who people (if they know her) can tell anything to and she'd take it to her grave. She is the only one I have told.

So I ask other people on this place. Since I am new here and I don't know anyone yet. How can I get over this embarrassment. I have things I want to do when I am a bit older, like go to, if they exist a BBWCon. I've heard these things exist but have never really believed it.

So how do I get over this? Can anyone give me some good advice?

(If it means anything. I have a slight disability of Cerebral Palsy in which I have to walk with a pair of crutches but my mind is fine and I can think and act just like everyone else. I just have bad balance and can't do a lot of what other people can do.)
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Old 08-25-2011, 07:30 AM   #2
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Ok.. Welcome. It's nice to have you on Dims and we look forward to hearing more from you in the future.

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Originally Posted by CmRet View Post
So here's my thing. As long as I can remember I have loved big and "overweight" women. I have never liked thin girls that much. I mean I do but not to the extent that I like big women. I'm finishing high school and have been asked a number of times what kind of girls I like because most guys I know are all about a woman's chest or their butt and such.
Ugh, highschool. That's what happens though. It'd be best that you don't tell any regular friends in highschool. Best friends you trust, maybe, but not anyone you don't feel completely secure in telling it to. I do recommend you practice not giving a damn and just tell everyone and if anyone has a problem with it, tell them to suck it. Though when I was in highschool, it wasn't THAT easy. Once my friends got old enough to go out and try to pick up girls, they never took me with them, because they were all about finding the hollywood standard of beauty and women, and they knew if they brought me along back then, I would have gone for big girls and guys. They couldn't have that.

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I am embarrassed really to say that I like big girls. I have never told anyone except my sister who I know I can tell anything and she wont judge me. She is the type who people (if they know her) can tell anything to and she'd take it to her grave. She is the only one I have told.
Ummm.. No she's not, dude.. If you weren't aware of this, you just told the internet. You might as well have told everybody.

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So I ask other people on this place. Since I am new here and I don't know anyone yet. How can I get over this embarrassment. I have things I want to do when I am a bit older, like go to, if they exist a BBWCon. I've heard these things exist but have never really believed it.
The best way to overcome it is to tell people and cope with their reactions. Believe it or not, it's actually a great way to separate good friends from douche bags.

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So how do I get over this? Can anyone give me some good advice?
I only have one more thing to say: Take that "true beautiful women are big women" thing off of your sig. I know you mean well by it, but people here are going to swarm all over that and be all like "OH SO THINNER WOMEN ARE NOT TRUELY BEAUTIFUL AS WELL?!" and I'm sure the reaction wouldn't be much different anywhere else. Besides that, keep your chin up, and don't be a stranger on here. There are a number of people on this site who are willing to help you learn to accept yourself more. Have a good day. ^_^

Last edited by Fox; 08-25-2011 at 07:34 AM.
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Old 08-25-2011, 07:40 AM   #3
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At the end of the day we are who we are. Those who truly care about us will support us regardless of what people may think or say. Those who don't are doing you a favor by indicating that they aren't worth having around. That goes for any aspect of life whether it be who you're attracted to, your taste in clothing, hobbies or whatever the case may be. I agree, you should be honest and open with those people you trust. Having said that I can certainly understand your being apprehensive because there are a lot of very small minded, ignorant, rude people out there who will try to put you down or make fun of you. The thing to realize is that those people are not important and their words only have merit if you yourself give them merit. It's very liberating to be unashamed about your preferences and embrace them rather than try to hide them or worry about how they"ll be perceived.
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Old 08-28-2011, 02:12 AM   #4
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Interesting that this thread has gotten so few responses..
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Old 08-28-2011, 09:39 AM   #5
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@CmRet: what you are feeling is not exactly something you have to "get over," more like something you deal with.

like you, i was very afraid to "come out" about my orientation during high school. but one day, i just told a friend of mine at the time that i like fat women. the reaction i got was positive, and that reassured me that my orientation as a Fat Admirer was okay. so it was easier to tell the next friend after that, and after that, etc etc.

just be honest with yourself and with the people in your life. if they really care about you, chances are really good that they won't judge you.
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Old 08-28-2011, 12:44 PM   #6
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Sometimes the best way to "come out" is to date who you want and don't make a big deal out of it. If someone says anything about it tell them the truth and if they respond negatively then whatever. You have a girlfriend and they probably don't.
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Old 08-31-2011, 12:39 AM   #7
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Just do what you do and don't apologize for it, dude. You like what you like. No shame in that. BE PROUD!
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Old 09-01-2011, 09:17 PM   #8
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I know what you're feeling, dude, but it's not worth sweating it. Try not to look at it as "oh no, if I date her, people will know I like big girls!". Honestly, there's lots of non-FA guys out there who wind up dating overweight women for various positive reasons, it's not a FA-exclusive thing to do.
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Old 09-02-2011, 07:10 PM   #9
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Originally Posted by CmRet View Post
So here's my thing. As long as I can remember I have loved big and "overweight" women. I have never liked thin girls that much. I mean I do but not to the extent that I like big women. I'm finishing high school and have been asked a number of times what kind of girls I like because most guys I know are all about a woman's chest or their butt and such.

I am embarrassed really to say that I like big girls. I have never told anyone except my sister who I know I can tell anything and she wont judge me. She is the type who people (if they know her) can tell anything to and she'd take it to her grave. She is the only one I have told.

So how do I get over this? Can anyone give me some good advice?
hey man I'm practically the same boat as you. except I've never told a soul but I wouldn't doubt people have figured it out since bigger girls are really the only ones I hit on lately. My advice for you which I've figured out over the past months is to just go for the women you like and if your friends judge you then they don't deserve to be your friends.
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Old 09-02-2011, 07:46 PM   #10
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Can anyone give me some good advice?

The advice I can give you is this..... Stay true to who you are and what you believe in. In the end all that matters is that you are happy.
People will always judge. Everyone in life has different prefrences.
Sometimes it may be hard to stand up for something you want or believe in.
If your friends/aquantences dont understand or make fun of you make them understand not evryone in life likes the same things. Just dont ever let anyone disrespect you or someone your with.
Trust me it doesn't get any easier when you get older. At some point you'll learn that people can be flat out ignorent and you'll have no time for them or there nonsence.
As for Are there any Conventions? There are plenty for you to choose from.
All depends on where you live or if your willing to travel to them, but they are out there.
At some point we all in some way were in your shoes. Its like growing pains.
Eventually you'll just get use to it.
Good luck!
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Old 09-11-2011, 11:01 AM   #11
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Why do you have to tell your friends that you are a FA? You can also just date big girls whitout having to explain that you are specifically attracted to them.

If they ask you why you are dating a big girl, or if they just ask you what type of girl you like, you can still answer something like "I like someone soft to cuddle with."

I was also very shy when I was younger, and the only advice I can give you is to take the jump and don't look back. Your FA feelings will never go away, so sooner or later you will have to anyway.
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Old 09-11-2011, 12:49 PM   #12
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The immediate problem I see with this is that you think you have to tell them and defend your beliefs, really you don't need to tell them at all. I went through this same thing with religion and sexuality. I didn't realize till later that I was the one bringing up the religion of other people and proceeding to bitch them out because I thought their beliefs were ridiculous. Of course what I actually told them was to stop shoving their religion down my throat(Like they were trying to convert me even though I started it). Point being, religion is personal and it's none of my business what other people believe in, nor their business what I believe in.

The same goes for you and your interest in large ladies, you don't have to tell people, you don't have to bring it up, it's PERSONAL! You can like whoever you want and if you do date a thick lady and a friend starts harassing you about it, well they're not your friend anyway. When you tell them to cut the crap, that you really like her, they need to stop, and if they don't, drop them, they're not worth your time. They don't need a reason why you like big girls, you just do, and that should be good enough for a real friend.
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Old 09-11-2011, 02:25 PM   #13
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It gets easier as you get older, and realise that other people won't give a shit either way about your preferences. Kids are cruel, but I've found as an adult, people don't really care and you'll (hopefully) get used to being open about it

edit: and by open I don't mean parading the fact in front of everybody, but, yeah, you get the idea
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Old 09-11-2011, 02:45 PM   #14
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Fat Brian View Post
Sometimes the best way to "come out" is to date who you want and don't make a big deal out of it. If someone says anything about it tell them the truth and if they respond negatively then whatever. You have a girlfriend and they probably don't.

Quote:
Originally Posted by mithrandirjn View Post
I know what you're feeling, dude, but it's not worth sweating it. Try not to look at it as "oh no, if I date her, people will know I like big girls!". Honestly, there's lots of non-FA guys out there who wind up dating overweight women for various positive reasons, it's not a FA-exclusive thing to do.
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Originally Posted by MrRabbit View Post
Why do you have to tell your friends that you are a FA? You can also just date big girls whitout having to explain that you are specifically attracted to them.

If they ask you why you are dating a big girl, or if they just ask you what type of girl you like, you can still answer something like "I like someone soft to cuddle with."

I was also very shy when I was younger, and the only advice I can give you is to take the jump and don't look back. Your FA feelings will never go away, so sooner or later you will have to anyway.
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The immediate problem I see with this is that you think you have to tell them and defend your beliefs, really you don't need to tell them at all. I went through this same thing with religion and sexuality. I didn't realize till later that I was the one bringing up the religion of other people and proceeding to bitch them out because I thought their beliefs were ridiculous. Of course what I actually told them was to stop shoving their religion down my throat(Like they were trying to convert me even though I started it). Point being, religion is personal and it's none of my business what other people believe in, nor their business what I believe in.

The same goes for you and your interest in large ladies, you don't have to tell people, you don't have to bring it up, it's PERSONAL! You can like whoever you want and if you do date a thick lady and a friend starts harassing you about it, well they're not your friend anyway. When you tell them to cut the crap, that you really like her, they need to stop, and if they don't, drop them, they're not worth your time. They don't need a reason why you like big girls, you just do, and that should be good enough for a real friend.
These guys all have their ducks in a row. I've known that I liked big girls forever, and it wasn't something I felt like I had to sit down with all my close friends and say, "look guys, I've got a secret. I like big girls." I just went after who I wanted. I dated some BIG girls in HS and college, and funnily enough, nobody ever said a word to me, not even my closest friends.

If you're anything like me, after high school, you'll lose touch with most of your HS acquaintances and what they thought/think of you won't matter at all any way. When you get out, your true friends will get sorted out from the rest, because they'll keep in contact with you. And if they're true friends, they'll have absolutely nothing to say about your choice of romantic partners.

tl;dr: Your choice of romantic partners is nobody's business unless you make it their business.
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Old 09-11-2011, 03:31 PM   #15
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There's been some real good advice so far so this may or may not help at all.

Usually when people are worried about what others think about one thing or another it tends to be an issue of self-confidence. I'm speaking in more of a general sense so maybe this won't pertain since you mentioned you were OK in that regard. But if a guy is confident in himself, what other people think about what he does usually doesn't factor in to his actions.

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So here's my thing. As long as I can remember I have loved big and "overweight" women. I have never liked thin girls that much. I mean I do but not to the extent that I like big women. I'm finishing high school and have been asked a number of times what kind of girls I like because most guys I know are all about a woman's chest or their butt and such.

I am embarrassed really to say that I like big girls. I have never told anyone except my sister who I know I can tell anything and she wont judge me. She is the type who people (if they know her) can tell anything to and she'd take it to her grave. She is the only one I have told.

So I ask other people on this place. Since I am new here and I don't know anyone yet. How can I get over this embarrassment. I have things I want to do when I am a bit older, like go to, if they exist a BBWCon. I've heard these things exist but have never really believed it.

So how do I get over this? Can anyone give me some good advice?

(If it means anything. I have a slight disability of Cerebral Palsy in which I have to walk with a pair of crutches but my mind is fine and I can think and act just like everyone else. I just have bad balance and can't do a lot of what other people can do.)
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Old 09-11-2011, 04:23 PM   #16
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I've found that as I've gotten older, I've also gained confidence. For a while I was casually dating larger and larger women and I was pretty open about it. I never found anyone who thought this was odd. It is pretty well known that there are FAs in this world.

On the other hand, I wouldn't date anyone that you feel ashamed of. That's not fair to them. If you feel like you would be too embarrassed to date someone, then I don't think you should. It is your responsibility to come to terms with your preference. You can do this either by talking openly about the type of women that you like or by dating larger and larger women. I would suggest the former. Like I said, you'll find that most people won't really care what you do or look down on you.
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Old 09-11-2011, 04:42 PM   #17
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When I was young, I did tell some of my friends about my preferences, but over time I realized what many other people are saying: there's no need to announce it. Date whom you like. People will see whom your dating and if they care, they'll either say something or not, but either way, in the end the answer is "This is my life; go ahead with your own life and leave me alone."
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Old 09-11-2011, 05:43 PM   #18
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I wouldn't date anyone that you feel ashamed of. That's not fair to them. If you feel like you would be too embarrassed to date someone, then I don't think you should.
This is a big one, if you can't date someone openly then don't date them period. It's not fair to them, and really, it's not fair to you either. You don't have to justify your choices to anyone, just be true to yourself. I know it feels like that as soon as you show up with a fat girl your social life will explode but it really won't. When I brought my fat girlfriend around my guy friends most of them told me how hot she was later and even the ones who weren't completely sold had to admit she was hotter than any of the girls they were getting. I honestly think a lot more guys would date fat girls if they weren't so concerned about getting a "trophy wife" and just did what they wanted to do.
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Old 09-11-2011, 09:42 PM   #19
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It's also important not to deny your preferences for too long since, for most people, preferences evolve over time...but not unless you experience them first.

I'm not exclusively FA; frankly, I'd just as soon date a thin woman I find attractive, but part of growing and learning what I truly enjoy and what I'm most compatible with involved experiencing different types of people firsthand.

For example, I remember thinking that it'd be fun to date somebody who looked like she could be one of the web models on here...but I really didn't end up enjoying it that much. Not that she was a bad person, but I found that what I saw as so attractive in online material suddenly didn't do it for me so much in real life. However, I needed to experience that for myself to really know it.

The longer you guy denying your tastes or preferences, the harder it is to come to grips with them and let them grow and develop with time and experience. It stunts a person, a real emotional stunting, which is very unhealthy in the long run.
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Old 09-11-2011, 09:48 PM   #20
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Well you could always wear an "I like fat chicks!" T-Shirt to school but its been my experience that most people do not care what your preference for women is anymore than if you take cream with your coffee. I suppose I have to tow the line of "date who you want & so what"

If you do feel compelled to confide in some one tell a good friend but remember that so much of what people think of a statement is in how you say it. You want, "Dude, I like fat chicks." To roll from your lips as if you were saying "Well fuck YES THIS IS AWESOME!" Ask yourself how would Jack Black say it?
What you don't want to do is say as if you're announcing you have terminal cancer.

For me, the first person I told was my best friend who is into quasi anorexic indie chicks. He just laughed & then said, "Hah, you & my Dad!" Then we smoked a joint & played Dungeouns & Dragons!

That first person you tell is usually the hardest & then after a while you can tell anyone. I mean if I had to I'm sure I could star in a super bowel add that consisted of me standing up & announcing My name is Mediaboy & I like fat chicks but on all seriousness that will never be necessary because no one cares that much.
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Old 09-11-2011, 11:37 PM   #21
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Originally Posted by CmRet View Post
So here's my thing. As long as I can remember I have loved big and "overweight" women. I have never liked thin girls that much. I mean I do but not to the extent that I like big women. I'm finishing high school and have been asked a number of times what kind of girls I like because most guys I know are all about a woman's chest or their butt and such.

I am embarrassed really to say that I like big girls. I have never told anyone except my sister who I know I can tell anything and she wont judge me. She is the type who people (if they know her) can tell anything to and she'd take it to her grave. She is the only one I have told.

So I ask other people on this place. Since I am new here and I don't know anyone yet. How can I get over this embarrassment. I have things I want to do when I am a bit older, like go to, if they exist a BBWCon. I've heard these things exist but have never really believed it.

So how do I get over this? Can anyone give me some good advice?

(If it means anything. I have a slight disability of Cerebral Palsy in which I have to walk with a pair of crutches but my mind is fine and I can think and act just like everyone else. I just have bad balance and can't do a lot of what other people can do.)
Well...
There has certainly been quite a bit of helpful advice for you thus far. I think a 'careless' attitude over the preference you have is an admirable way to reconcile your feelings over the long run. Realize that there are too many enjoyable memories you can create with a woman whom you are truly happy with to give a hoot what other people might think about you, your girlfriend/partner/wife and your preference.

In a new perspective though, I'd like to answer in a more introspective sense. You're wondering how you can work through the embarrassment. For starters, just the fact that you'd much rather give up the embarrassment, as opposed to the actual preference, I think is a healthy beginning. That shows maturity, especially in the high school years. I like to analyze things I'm unsure of oftentimes. Lets do a bit of that...
Now, why is it that you're embarrassed to like big woman?
Are you just scared of the criticism you might receive were people to find out? That's quite normal; yes, some people can be cruel and unforgiving. It seems harsh and unfair for someone to judge you for who you are. It's also a perfectly normal part of life and you learn, over long periods of time, how to cope and deal with criticism. But, what about the other people who don't judge you, or that particular aspect of who you are. Give that some thought.

Is it because fat people are deemed unattractive, undesirable and all that mumbo jumbo in the big, wide world? Well, okay, I can see how that might feel when you haven't built the necessary tools to cope with feeling/being 'different.' I think something you haven't realized yet (or possibly you have, you just have yet to implement it into your understanding of the matter) is that beauty really is in the eye of the beholder. Do all of your friends like the exact same size breasts or butt on a woman? (Sorry, ladies, to speak in such an objectifying way) Do they all find exactly the same celebrities attractive? I highly doubt it. There might be similarities - cross-overs - but I bet you'd find a lot of them don't like a couple of the same celebrities. Herein lies the "in the beholder" aspect. It's in everything we enjoy - music, art, couches, vehicles, movies, paper, pens/pencils, books, partners, etc etc.

Over time I think you'll realize that liking big women is not to be embarrassed about. Time heals all wounds. Give it some time, work it out, analyze it, tuck it into a ball and chuck it out the window to give you some breathing time, play with it and enjoy it - find the courage to approach some girls you find attractive and see what happens.
In my mind, it's simple enough - fat women are just women whom happen to be fat (for whatever reason, however it happened). They're persons with personalities (some you like, some you don't); filled with hopes and dreams and faults and opinions and their own sense of attraction and so much more (and OH so much more ). Absolutely nothing to be embarrassed about.
Learn to live. Live to learn.

Hope that helps somewhat.
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Old 09-12-2011, 09:45 AM   #22
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I haven't read the entirethread - so I apologise if someone else has said this already....
I don't know how old you are - but when I was in my late teens/early twenties I was much more aware of peer pressure and the need conform to the social norm - so I was very hesitant to act on my attraction to larger women

As you get older - and generally more comfortable with yourself, you realize how little other peoples opinions really matter, and pursue what YOU want.

I have some real regrets from high school and college about not getting involved with some gorgeous plus size girls(women?) I knew at the time, because of the image I was trying to maintain

I've been married for 16 years now to a woman who is 5'2" and has gone from 150 to a very bottom heavy 210...and she gets a LOT of attention from other men my age - I guess I wasn't the only one who was in denial
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Old 09-13-2011, 10:34 PM   #23
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Originally Posted by Jake v.2.0 View Post
I haven't read the entirethread - so I apologise if someone else has said this already....
I don't know how old you are - but when I was in my late teens/early twenties I was much more aware of peer pressure and the need conform to the social norm - so I was very hesitant to act on my attraction to larger women

As you get older - and generally more comfortable with yourself, you realize how little other peoples opinions really matter, and pursue what YOU want.

I have some real regrets from high school and college about not getting involved with some gorgeous plus size girls(women?) I knew at the time, because of the image I was trying to maintain

I've been married for 16 years now to a woman who is 5'2" and has gone from 150 to a very bottom heavy 210...and she gets a LOT of attention from other men my age - I guess I wasn't the only one who was in denial

CmRet, Jake v 2.0 is spot on. My guess is that you are still in your teens or twenties. Later on in life you will reach a level of maturity where you will be very surprised at how much you let other people's comments affect you today, and regret any chances you did not take because of it.

You mentioned your sister. I also expect that as you grow older, you will find friends (male and female) much like your sister, that will get to know you in many aspects, but not particularly think much about whether you are an FA, or prefer petite blondes, tall, etc....it is a preference, and thankfully we have diversity in preferences. There is nothing to be embarrassed about.

In the meantime, I understand your situation. The best advice to get over is just that -- get over it -- just try your hardest to ignore that embarrassment you describe,
acknowledge your preferences with conviction. I am not suggesting you go to friends and shout "hey, I love big girls". But when the subject comes up among your friends, acknowledge it, with pride.

Trust me, if you are a true FA, just block go pursue the BBW of your dreams, ignore snide comments. You will not regret it.
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Old 12-23-2011, 06:26 PM   #24
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I went through the same thing in HS. I'm a junior in college now, and am still working on it, but things have been much better recently. There's a lot of good advice here that I wish I would have had/am finding very useful.

This is how I "dealt with it". I just started dating girls that I thought were beautiful. They all happened to be bigger. I was happy, my friends saw i was happy, and for most that was the end of the story.

In fact, only one person mentioned it at all, and it was in a "man-talk" ball busting kind of way. I responded with something like "hey man, no complaints here, i'm loving every minute of it" - and of course i grinned, it was the truth. and that was pretty much the end of it. We talked a bit more about the women in our lives as I always would have. And after that one semi-uncomfortable moment, it felt completely normal.

I agree that "coming out" is uneccessary. And will probably just bring attention to your FAness as something unnatural and weird. Actions speak louder than words anyway. And if you're confident in what you're doing, others will see it positively as well. "coming out" will turn it into something you've been hiding, you've been ashamed of, and won't other people be more likely to see it negatively? not all, but I'm just saying, I think you'll feel the best by just acting on how you feel.

So as hard as it might seem, I think you might have to force yourself just to do what you want, and trust it will be okay, and you'll be happier. It's working for me so far! best of luck
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Old 12-26-2011, 05:30 PM   #25
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The only way you'll ever get over this is to take the attitude that you just don't care what other people think about who you are attracted to. It's really none of their business anyway. If people are being malicious towards you about who you like then fuck 'em. Let them be ignorant. Don't let their terrible attitude dictate who you can and cannot date.

Besides, you'll find that women don't really want to go out with someone if they get embarrassed by being seen in public with them. Doesn't really do much good for the self esteem, you see.
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