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Old 01-19-2012, 11:48 PM   #51
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more than once I've had my nipple or belly fat laid on and pinched. It's kind of embarassing to say....GET OFF MY FAT! You know you're laying on your side naked and they guy lays down and shimmies close and pinches your fat.
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Old 01-20-2012, 12:32 AM   #52
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If I had a dollar for every time I elbowed someone in the face/kicked them in the shin Bill Gates would be pumping my gas.
Better the shin than the gonads...just sayin
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Old 01-20-2012, 02:55 AM   #53
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more than once I've had my nipple or belly fat laid on and pinched. It's kind of embarassing to say....GET OFF MY FAT! You know you're laying on your side naked and they guy lays down and shimmies close and pinches your fat.
I've pinched my nipple between the bed and my elbow on more than one occasion. Not a pleasant way to wake up, and even more unpleasant when someone else does it to you.
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Old 01-20-2012, 12:11 PM   #54
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Reminds me of a time...

You know the difference in tone and feeling when someone is fondling and....searching, reaching for something? lol Well, my muffin-top used to be much more pronounced and stuck out in the very front like...well, a bit like a boob (and I guess A LOT like a boob in the dark) and he was feeling it from behind and I KNOW he was looking for a nipple that wasn't (and still isn't and will never be) there. And I said, Um..up higher, and he was silent for a moment and muttered.....oh..thanks. LMAO
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Old 01-20-2012, 12:49 PM   #55
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more than once I've had my nipple or belly fat laid on and pinched. It's kind of embarassing to say....GET OFF MY FAT! You know you're laying on your side naked and they guy lays down and shimmies close and pinches your fat.
Lol I've had this done to me and recently I was the pincher. I pushed myself up to uh, go south, and I was trying to be sexy but managed to squish his little bit of arm fat with my hand. Nothing says sexy like seeing your partner yelp in pain!
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Old 01-20-2012, 05:28 PM   #56
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Lol I've had this done to me and recently I was the pincher. I pushed myself up to uh, go south, and I was trying to be sexy but managed to squish his little bit of arm fat with my hand. Nothing says sexy like seeing your partner yelp in pain!
poor guy!

Fat just kind of spreads out when you lay down making it more vulnerable.
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Old 01-20-2012, 08:31 PM   #57
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Originally Posted by CastingPearls View Post
Reminds me of a time...

You know the difference in tone and feeling when someone is fondling and....searching, reaching for something? lol Well, my muffin-top used to be much more pronounced and stuck out in the very front like...well, a bit like a boob (and I guess A LOT like a boob in the dark) and he was feeling it from behind and I KNOW he was looking for a nipple that wasn't (and still isn't and will never be) there. And I said, Um..up higher, and he was silent for a moment and muttered.....oh..thanks. LMAO
um, I've done that.....
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Old 01-24-2012, 04:04 PM   #58
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First time with my first wife, before we were married.

We had gotten a hotel room for our first rendezvous. The bed was only twin size (there were two beds in the room), which was not what we reserved, but they did not have any other rooms available. Making the best of it, we got busy.

Now two fat people having sex for the first time have to figure out the physics of how their bodies fit together. That itself was funny, and figuring it out on a twin bed only added to the hilarity.

We worked it out, though, on got on with the real fun. Unfortunately, and we did not notice this as it happened, our enthusiasm for each other was causing the mattress to shift. The inevitable happened, and we ended up on the floor, between the box springs and the wall, practically mummified together by the bed sheets, and the mattress flipped over on top of us!

After untangling ourselves (which took a bit of doing), we were undaunted. The flames of desire would not be denied!
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Old 02-01-2012, 09:11 AM   #59
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Oh wow. A lot of those stories have me smiling. Suppose it's only fair I share mine too. Snipped from another place I shared it so I don't have to retype it:

My funniest story is my own doing... And also something rather nerdy.

Having great sex missionary style, head leaned back, enjoying the feelings, this prank plotted in my mind all the while.. And I can tell he's getting close. As he draws very near I lift my head up and exclaim "JUMP!" as the hybrids from Battlestar Galactica did.

At first I didn't think it would ruin the moment, but he broke into laughter and soon after I was giggling so hard I pushed him right out.

He dubbed it evil, and now any time we hear the actual clip or one of us mimics it we both break out in giggles. Hehe.
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Old 02-01-2012, 09:42 AM   #60
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That was nerdtastic!
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Old 02-01-2012, 10:26 AM   #61
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That was nerdtastic!
Hehe. I had a feeling you would enjoy that anecdote.
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Old 02-02-2012, 12:48 PM   #62
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The always embarrassing leg cramp/Charlie horse,
sneezing out loogie desperately looking for it. Landed on her foot.
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Old 02-08-2012, 09:16 AM   #63
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Okay, although this sounds stupid, it's true. I was raised Catholic and never got the birds and bees talk and had only two brother siblings. In 1968 I was 17 and parked with my girl friend down by the beach. My girl friend had just turned 18. We were kissing and fondling. She had magnificent breasts. Anyhow, she started massaging my crotch (unchartered territory). The men's privates were behind the zipper so I figured the womens must be behind their zipper which when I was growing up was up the side of their hips. I put my hands down inside the side of her slacks and felt nothing but hips. I was lost. To make a long story short, I removed my hands and said I needed to get home. I kept my virginity until I was 19 when a new girl friend initiated the act.
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Old 02-12-2012, 04:13 PM   #64
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Originally Posted by LinathSuru View Post
Oh wow. A lot of those stories have me smiling. Suppose it's only fair I share mine too. Snipped from another place I shared it so I don't have to retype it:

My funniest story is my own doing... And also something rather nerdy.

Having great sex missionary style, head leaned back, enjoying the feelings, this prank plotted in my mind all the while.. And I can tell he's getting close. As he draws very near I lift my head up and exclaim "JUMP!" as the hybrids from Battlestar Galactica did.

At first I didn't think it would ruin the moment, but he broke into laughter and soon after I was giggling so hard I pushed him right out.

He dubbed it evil, and now any time we hear the actual clip or one of us mimics it we both break out in giggles. Hehe.
Aww! That is both so sweet and so funny!
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Old 02-12-2012, 08:35 PM   #65
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A while back when I was at Texas Tech I was with this one girl, we were getting busy in her bed and I pulled out a condom I had in my pocket. The back story on the condom is when I was with my friends at Techs "carol of the lights" (xmas lights) there was this guy in a Santa suite walking through the crowd. When we walked by me I gave him a high-five and he put a condom in my hand. I lol'd hard and put it in my pocket. Back to the steamy bedroom scene, I pull out this condom and as I put it on it pops and I thought it was the only condom we had so I blurt out "fuck you Santa". She stops and is like "wait what did you just say" So I had to explain it to her and thankfully she had another condom and we got back to the hotness.
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Old 02-13-2012, 10:09 PM   #66
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camping in tents during the summer... me and my guy start getting hot and heavy, going at it in our little tent with the door open. i'm about to orgasm, breathing deep with my mouth open and... INHALE A BUG. i start coughing and choking, which not only ISN'T sexy, but causes me to push him out.

luckily we have sense of humor and found it hilarious. we made sure to close the door flap before trying again. lol
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Old 02-15-2012, 06:56 AM   #67
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Originally Posted by LinathSuru View Post
Oh wow. A lot of those stories have me smiling. Suppose it's only fair I share mine too. Snipped from another place I shared it so I don't have to retype it:

My funniest story is my own doing... And also something rather nerdy.

Having great sex missionary style, head leaned back, enjoying the feelings, this prank plotted in my mind all the while.. And I can tell he's getting close. As he draws very near I lift my head up and exclaim "JUMP!" as the hybrids from Battlestar Galactica did.

At first I didn't think it would ruin the moment, but he broke into laughter and soon after I was giggling so hard I pushed him right out.

He dubbed it evil, and now any time we hear the actual clip or one of us mimics it we both break out in giggles. Hehe.
Replace "Jump" with "DA BEARSSSSSS!" and that's what I did to my g/f once which brought on the reply of "RUINEDDDDD!"
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Old 02-15-2012, 11:50 PM   #68
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When I was 19 my new GF and I were walking along the banks of the North Saskatchewan River. We decided it would be romantic to swim out to a little island to make out. The current was much faster than we anticipated (i.e. almost got swept away), the water was freezing cold, and the island was infested with mosquitoes. Not as romantic as we thought.
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Old 02-17-2012, 11:28 PM   #69
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When I was 19 my new GF and I were walking along the banks of the North Saskatchewan River. We decided it would be romantic to swim out to a little island to make out. The current was much faster than we anticipated (i.e. almost got swept away), the water was freezing cold, and the island was infested with mosquitoes. Not as romantic as we thought.
Last summer me and my fiancee rented a cabin by the lake and we thought it would be romantic to go for a midnight swim and kiss in the moonlight.

Naturally the swimming area was infested with mosquitos at that hour. I had 9 bites and we were out there less than 3 minutes before we ran back inside.
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Old 02-21-2012, 10:18 PM   #70
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I was dancing around in just a bra and panties, while holding sparkers for the Fourth of July, and didn't realize that some sparks had ignited my husband's clothes that were on the floor. That was the last time I made that mistake.
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Old 02-27-2012, 08:27 PM   #71
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It's a tie between:

1) I fell asleep. Now, there were extenuating circumstances, and it wasn't his fault; he was very good at what he was doing.

2) I tipped over the motorcycle and broke one of the side mirrors.
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Old 10-23-2012, 12:48 PM   #72
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Well there was the time the bed collapsed while my ex and I were canoodling. That was pretty embarrassing and made the both of us feel awful about ourselves for a while.
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Old 10-23-2012, 01:14 PM   #73
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Reminds me of a time...

You know the difference in tone and feeling when someone is fondling and....searching, reaching for something? lol Well, my muffin-top used to be much more pronounced and stuck out in the very front like...well, a bit like a boob (and I guess A LOT like a boob in the dark) and he was feeling it from behind and I KNOW he was looking for a nipple that wasn't (and still isn't and will never be) there. And I said, Um..up higher, and he was silent for a moment and muttered.....oh..thanks. LMAO
I've had this from the other side. I have a friend who likes to hug or pat my belly. A couple of times (in about a ten year stretch mind) he's meant to hit the belly and grabbed or patted my bewbs for a few moments before looking and seeing hes found the wrong part.
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Old 10-23-2012, 01:39 PM   #74
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Well there was the time the bed collapsed while my ex and I were canoodling. That was pretty embarrassing and made the both of us feel awful about ourselves for a while.
I think most of us here have had a bed collapse experience.
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Old 10-23-2012, 03:25 PM   #75
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Okay, first off go get a hat.. because you are going to want to hold on to it...

A few years ago I went out with some friends and after a few drinks we meet some nice young ladies, a few more drinks and this one girl and I were getting along swimmingly, a few more drinks and we decide she and I should adjourn for the evening. She invited me back to her place, to which I quickly accepted... We left the bar at about 1:30ish (I think) and we were hammered...We were all over each other in the cab,... I had her nearly undressed in the elevator up to her place... All and all a good time..

Drunk-wise I was just at that point were there is that little voice in your head that says "Just an FYI, we may not be okay soon"... I did my best to ignore the difficulties I was having as we stumbled, nearly naked back to her bedroom... Were doing drunk quiet, which means we were loud as hell, but didn't want to wake up her roommate... Final we make it to bed and what not.. everything is going fine.. She tells me to get a condom from the bedside table drawer.. great, I'm a big fan of the condom, no problem there.. I get that on, not easy drunk, and she says "I get dry sometimes, use some lube"... fine, no big deal... I grab some lube and we go at it.. I'm on top of her ...

And that quiet voice from earlier pipes up again and says "Somethings not right..." I tell that voice to shut up but then I smell something odd and I have to agree with the voice... something was wrong.. Its this weird chemical smell, I know I've smelled it before but I can place it.. what is it??? Then I catch a whiff of my hand and realize its the source of the offending odder.. I'm trying to figure out what the fuck is going on when finally the little voice in my head said, "Its Icy Hot jackass"...

At about this time, I'm guessing she figured out my error as the chemicals in the Icy Hot started to do their thing.. Suddenly it was like I was laying on top of one pissed off badgers... She clawed her way out from under me and started screaming... Not really words, just screaming.. I said, "I think I used Icy Hot..." but before I could finish she went running naked to the bathroom, screaming the whole way... I started after her but before I got more than a few feet I learned Icy Hot eats right through condoms and was now doing its thing on my junk... My penis looked like a giant neon red ...well penis.. but it was bright fucking red and pulsing with pain...

Doubled over in pain I began to run to the bathroom, still naked... I managed to time it perfectly because as i was limping toward the bathroom the girl's roommate stepped out into the hall way... Saw me and my clown nose dick, yipped, and slammed her door shut... I managed to yell "Please don't call the police" as I limped by...

In the bathroom the girl was in the shower with the shower head basically shoved into her pussy. I was doing my best to wash my dick off in the sink..It hurt so bad, I can't imagine how she felt..

Finaly, the pain began to subside... but she began to panic that she needed to go to the hospital but didn't want too, which I totally understood.. So we came up with calling poison control first before rushing off to the ER and a life time of shame... I called poison control.. The lady who answered sound like a truck stop waitress.. She says, "Well, what happened?" I try to explain it as best I can and she ask,

"What did you put in her?"
I respond, "Icy Hot... and I didn't "put" in her it was an accident"

"Whatever, she'll be fine. It happens all the time."
"Really, she'll be fine?..."

"I said it happens all the time... She'll be fine. If it still hurts in a day go see a doctor."

We didn't see each other again but we both learned an important lesson about keeping icey hot away from lube...
Omg I'm crying lmao...and it happens all the rime? Really? Lol yikes..note to self: never keep the icy hot by the bed lol
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