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Old 10-13-2011, 07:46 AM   #1
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Default How did/does being an FA go over with your parents?

Parents usually have very definite ideas of what they'd like to see their offspring do in life, and a 400 pound wife or girlfriend they probably didn't expect.

In my case, my dad unfortunately died before I ever had a chance to discuss my preference with him as an adult.

My mom is about 5 foot tall and weighs 100 pounds or so. I really didn't know how she'd react to a wife four times her size. I remember that I wrote her a letter in which I explained things, but I can't recall how, or what exactly I said. My mom came over to visit and, much to her credit, never blinked an eye or made a comment. In fact, my preference simply never came up.

Over the years I heard all sorts of stories on experiences my fellow FAs had with their parents regarding their preference, ranging from very cool to most unfortunate.

What was, and is, your experience?
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Old 10-13-2011, 08:07 AM   #2
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Well, I was a pretty late bloomer when it came to dating, so when I first start dating my wife they were more relieved than anything. But as she kept gaining weight, and given some other ‘issues’ as they saw them they were perhaps a little dismayed when we stayed together and became increasingly serious. Right through our wedding I think they still had concerns, but by that point made only the most veiled comments. However after my wife lived with them for a few months, during a work placement that was part of her MA, they came to know her as the fascinating and delightful person she is, rather than as a size 20 outline or an extension of her family or whatever. After that there have been no issues about their accepting her.

If she’d been a size 30 rather than a size 20, or had been fat when we first started going out, I might have faced more blatant resistance. Then again, by then they surely knew that once I’d made up my mind I tended not to deviate, so the effect of any comments would most likely have been to drive me away from them, rather than from my partner, so I suppose it would be a question of how desperately they felt they had to make the point.

ETA: My parents are both thin and active, and generally ever-so-subtly derisive towards fat
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Old 10-13-2011, 11:33 AM   #3
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Back during my college days my mom asked me one time point blank if I was purposely only dating fat women. This was after seeing my dates thoughout my high school and early college years. I think it was more just out of curiosity then anything. I answered her with something along the lines of, and what if I am? which pretty much ended the discussion if I remember right. My mom has always been very large so I'm pretty sure she was not opposed to my dating fat women. I think, like a lot of the things I did, she found it a bit unexpected.

That was about the only discussion on the subject I had with her. Nowadays I think she's more concerned with other things regarding my current girlfriend.
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Old 10-13-2011, 01:52 PM   #4
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My dad was a bit puzzled by my preference, as his own preference was rather different (i.e., thinner), but it wasn't really the sort of thing that we discussed. I imagine that he just took it as another one of my peculiarities. For example, he was very much into math, science, engineering, so my being into the humanities was something that puzzled him a bit, but he simply acknowledged it as the way I was wired.

My mother (who has always been thin), as she figured out my preference, simply accepted it, and in fact ran with it, as she would sometimes mention to me things like, "I saw a girl at the store today who, I'm sure, was your type" (i.e. full-figured, etc.).
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Old 10-13-2011, 02:12 PM   #5
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I come from a pretty thin obsessed family, and I'd say they've taken my preference pretty well. Although my girlfriend is nowhere near 400 lbs, she's definitely a BBW.

A couple times though, my dad(who is quite fat himself), has made some bad comments about fat people in general in front of my girlfriend. Like a week ago my family was watching glee (much to my dismay ), and my gf wanted to join them. Well it was the episode where the fat girl can't get the part of the pretty girl in the Westside Story play, so my dad says, "Well of course she can't get the part, no one wants a girl that *fat* playing Maria!" I considered having a talk with him later, but my gf wasn't offended by it so I let it go.

And sometimes my family is overly politically correct. They use synonyms and euphemisms here and there, but they mean well by it. Frankly if I was in their situation I wouldn't be sure which words to use either.
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Old 10-13-2011, 02:58 PM   #6
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Dad doesn't care, mom actually kind of likes it but doesn't fully get it.
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Old 10-14-2011, 12:15 AM   #7
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My mom has no problem with it. My dad... he somewhat accepts it, but still, every once in a while, he tries to get me to change.
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Old 10-14-2011, 01:00 AM   #8
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Dad doesn't care, mom actually kind of likes it but doesn't fully get it.
To elaborate on the former, she initially thought that an FA was some magical creature whose tastes transcends the traditional beauty standards, but I set her straight early on that the group as a whole isn't too different from the rest of society; we've just got a different standard for what's beautiful/sexy and just like the normal world we take it too far in more than a few cases.
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Old 10-14-2011, 11:45 AM   #9
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My mother is a jealous woman. She's made disparaging remarks about everyone I've ever dated. The fat remarks are particularly curious because even the fattest guy I dated was smaller than I am. She does that with my sisters and brothers too, marginalizing anyone we're seeing in private. It's a reflection of her own insecurities of which she has many, but in the big picture I don't think it's something that keeps her up at night. My dad doesn't say anything at all. That stuff is simply unremarkable to him. His only objection would be if they were way too young, way too old or had no marketable skills.
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Old 10-14-2011, 12:25 PM   #10
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They know and don't care. As long as I'm happy, they're happy for me.
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Old 10-14-2011, 02:07 PM   #11
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My dad was the most notorious fat basher I ever known. Some of his barbs even make me laugh to this day. However he and my mom don't give a damn who I date as long as she makes me happy and doesn't trash the house.

They've been supportive of everything for that I am thankful.
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Old 10-14-2011, 10:26 PM   #12
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Last time I posted about this topic in particular, it was for the "coming out about your preference" thread.

I was afraid of the confrontation with my parents.

I was raised in a very conservative style / reserved household (odd since my parents and I are quite liberal most times). My father especially, is the one who instilled this mindset of being fat is ugly and wrong. I was raised in an environment where Fat was a cursed word, you couldn't say it or even whisper it without a derogatory tone over-layed.

I spoke with my Mom first. She was very accepting with me and my preference. She has always made my girl friends feel welcome in our family. I know she has gone as far as to reach out and bond with them, even when I am not around.

Although my dad may know about my preference, I never directly sat down to talk with him. For one thing, he hates all plus sized people. In more than one conversational rant from him, he would go on and on about how he thinks being overweight is wrong, that people should strive to be trim and attractive. The few girlfriends I have introduced, he never took kindly too, and one in particular he insulted on multiple occasions. On my part there was much standing up for my girl friend, followed by damage control with her afterward.

I guess I would say that I was this way before I ever told them, and I would be this way if I had never told them. Telling them made little difference as to how I behaved or who I dated. Admitting anything to them was more just to help a level of comfort for me around them.
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Old 10-15-2011, 08:16 AM   #13
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My mom knows what I like but I don't think she has fully accepted it and I am not sure about my dad. He never really asks about anything that is going on in my life and I don't go out of my way to fill him in. I do find it funny when I have overhead my mom tell my aunts during phone calls about my preferences. She never says anything negative that I know about but I can still here a little disappointment in her voice. Now I would consider myself bisizual because I can and do find some smaller women attractive. I haven't been on Dims for almost a year but most of the other boards just don't offer what this one does especially for the over 30 crowd. I know some here still think I am a closet case but I just laugh at that!
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Old 10-15-2011, 11:11 AM   #14
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My mom hates it but she at least has stopped making snide comments every time she sees a fat white woman on TV and Im around. It's funny because the only man she's dated since my father was an old white guy but she's pretty hypocritical in a lot of ways. My father doesn't seem to care. The only thing I can ever recall him saying about me regarding my choice in women was "If she makes you happy and you can stand to look at her then whats the problem?"
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Old 10-15-2011, 11:44 AM   #15
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I was a bit upset after I broke up with my girlfriend, whom I had taken home not too much earlier for Christmas. I e-mailed my parents about it, and my dad wrote me back with a bit of a discussion about how she was "plump" and that as time went on she would only get bigger. I wrote back saying, "I LIKE plump girls." My wife is plump, and I've heard nothing about it in two years of knowing her.
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Old 10-15-2011, 06:20 PM   #16
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My dad is a boob man so is attracted to women of all sizes if the boobs are big, he therefore understands though through a different door. My mom doesn't get it, her constant dieting is partially what made me want a fat partner, or at least someone who doesn't diet. My oldest sister hates it, mostly because she hates herself. She won't even speak to me since Crystal and I won't lose weight.
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Old 10-16-2011, 09:49 AM   #17
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For me it has been a matter of two extremes. My dad was a heavy set man for the last half of his life, I am a BIG guy, and one of my sisters would be considered a smaller BBW. While my dad was alive, I did not even consider dating anyone...no matter their size, they would have been treated horribly, but more so because of size. I only ever introduced two women to my family after he was gone...both BBWs. The first was treated cordially, even though they did not care for her for other reasons than her size. The second...now my wife...has been treated as a daughter from the minute she met my family.
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Old 10-17-2011, 09:58 PM   #18
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Uh, I'm not exactly in the habit of discussing my personal sexual preferences with my parents as I really don't think it's any of their business what kind of guys I'm attracted to. That being said, most of my family (men and women alike) are overweight, if not obese, so I don't really think any of them particularly care or would have any right to say anything against the fact that I'm dating a pudgster.

Honestly, the folks in my family care more about the character of who I date, not how fat or thin he is (yeah, I know this topic says FA and I'm an FFA but this is the FFA/FA forum and I'm sick of all the questions being directed toward guys only so I'm answering anyway). They also know that, personally speaking, weight is a touchy subject for me so I seriously doubt anyone would say anything against my boyfriend being too fat unless he was under some serious health issues (in which case I'd speak up myself anyway).
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Old 10-18-2011, 06:15 AM   #19
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In this case, I'm pretty sure FA means either gender
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Old 10-18-2011, 08:14 AM   #20
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I directed the question to all FAs.
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Old 10-18-2011, 08:14 AM   #21
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Default I was put down for being a FA

when i told my mother that i liked Fat women this after she found my BUF,and BBW magazines along with my NAAFA membership she put me down alot she said you need the lord Jesus for bringing that sin in my house and this when i was 17 now Dad was more open minded and he said if that's the kind of woman he wants let him do it. it took about 8 years to go out with my first big girlfriend then i meet Georgia and she became a secret girlfriend because mom put down heavy people, then I meet two more girlfriends at the bbw dances but i was kind of shy having meet mom so when i meet the first and second wives i intoduced to mom but she put me down because they where fat so i can relate to the put downs the hurt a parent can do so i told my kids be yourself like i had to learn so many years ago
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Old 10-18-2011, 09:58 PM   #22
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I have no idea what my dad thinks i never really talk with him about that. My mom is always comming with the "its not healthy" thing, what i really hates, so that conversation always end with me walking away. The thing is that my gf is not even that fat, she most be around 180 and like 5'4", but where i live is not common to see a 300 pound person, so i guess thats why they react like that.

Oh another kinda pain in the ass comment is "hope you keep going to the gym all the time, otherwise you are going to gaing weight" (you know because im with a fat person im supposed to gaing weight too).

But i cant really complain about their actitud with her, they are really polite with her, so at the end i preffer to handle myself those comments if they dont make them infront of her.
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Old 10-19-2011, 02:10 PM   #23
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...I really want my boyfriend (Dism4l) to respond to this. I'd be really interested to hear what his parents said.
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Old 10-19-2011, 06:14 PM   #24
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My Mom's never given me any crap about it or commented in any way. And it's only now that I'm dating a SSBBW that she actually LIKES that she's openly positive towards my art on the subject.

So it hasn't really been a factor for me.
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Old 10-19-2011, 06:16 PM   #25
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My Mom's never given me any crap about it or commented in any way. And it's only now that I'm dating a SSBBW that she actually LIKES that she's openly positive towards my art on the subject.

So it hasn't really been a factor for me.
That because your mums awesome!
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