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Old 10-28-2011, 10:18 AM   #26
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Originally Posted by sgageny View Post
I also ( like previously mentioned)use it in a giggly fashion with friends because in my social circle the word Slut holds just as much power as the word floozy or slapper. They are archaic and almost ridiculous words. Used for banter and fun.
Same here. I love to be called "slut" affectionately by a partner. It's a turn on. Which probably makes me a slut in the eyes of the straight-laced, but I don't care.
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Old 10-28-2011, 02:48 PM   #27
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Have fun, be true to yourself, dont hurt yourself, or anyone else to get what you want and FUCK anyone who wants to make you feel bad becuase of it!! Life is TOO DAMN SHORT!!

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Old 10-28-2011, 03:41 PM   #28
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Same here. I love to be called "slut" affectionately by a partner. It's a turn on. Which probably makes me a slut in the eyes of the straight-laced, but I don't care.
Oh god yes. To me, it's about embracing my sexuality and sexual needs and indulging in them. Said with love and affection, it's hot.
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Old 10-28-2011, 08:40 PM   #29
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Oh god yes. To me, it's about embracing my sexuality and sexual needs and indulging in them. Said with love and affection, it's hot.
As it should be. Most people are too rigid about sex. I used to be. If it's not "your thing" that's one thing, but disliking it because convention does, hell no, I like it more for that reason.
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Old 10-30-2011, 04:03 AM   #30
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As it should be. Most people are too rigid about sex. I used to be. If it's not "your thing" that's one thing, but disliking it because convention does, hell no, I like it more for that reason.
Yeah I have been trying to pull myself out of my own ass in the way that I used to expect everyone else to see sex as a special union between two loving partners because that is how my own sexuality is. Of course not everyone feels that way and they like casual sex with whoever they want. They don't feel the need to love or even like them, and that has bothered me in the past. I expected everyone else to be like me because I felt that is how sex was truly meant to be had, and not casually. I have been trying to learn to just get over it.
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Old 10-30-2011, 06:11 AM   #31
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I kinda feel like we are taught from a young age that sex is a special union between two lovers. Its in fairytales (maybe not SEX, but kissing and whatnot), its in movies, its in books....

I grew up thinking that one day I had to find my true love and give myself to him. That went right out the window when I had sex with my first boyfriend, as he was definitely not my true love and I still enjoyed it.
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Old 10-30-2011, 10:15 AM   #32
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Originally Posted by Saoirse View Post
I kinda feel like we are taught from a young age that sex is a special union between two lovers. Its in fairytales (maybe not SEX, but kissing and whatnot), its in movies, its in books....

I grew up thinking that one day I had to find my true love and give myself to him. That went right out the window when I had sex with my first boyfriend, as he was definitely not my true love and I still enjoyed it.
Yep. From a young age we're taught a religion-centric fairytale viewpoint on sex. And some people do uphold it, even now. Others prefer their animal nature.
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Old 10-30-2011, 11:45 AM   #33
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I just realized this was in the BBW Forum but I thought I would still leave my two cents worth. Sorry for nosing in!

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Old 10-30-2011, 04:18 PM   #34
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Originally Posted by Saoirse View Post
I kinda feel like we are taught from a young age that sex is a special union between two lovers.
The we in this context applies almost exclusively to us women/girls - boys aren't taught this!
Apart from the abstinence preaching fringe - boys are taught: You're a man, you need sex, it's your most basic biological need, make sure you satisfy it, have fun ... oh and by the way, at least try to be half-way responsible about it! (The latter as a concession to modern times)
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Old 10-30-2011, 04:19 PM   #35
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A slut to me isn't really about sex at all. A slut is an inscrupulous person who will knowingly and even deliberately sleep with someone else's boyfriend, husband, etc. They'll lie, misrepresent themselves, etc. just to get into someone's pants. I know women who will do something like this simply to put down another woman just to make her feel like that woman is not woman enough to keep her own man and she's way better, etc. It sounds base and trashy because it is. Near everyone has known someone like that.

I get off on the whole special-union-between-two-lovers stuff. Without it sex is a waste of my time. I may as well be at the gynocologists office for crying out loud. I don't even want to bother. BUT, I would not know that about myself had I not experimented at one time and tried things out for myself. I don't see anything wrong with someone trying to figure themselves out or enjoying things in a way that I can't as long as they are upfront about their expectations and they're not hurting anybody. I envy people who can do that actually. It's just not for me.
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Old 10-30-2011, 04:21 PM   #36
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Originally Posted by LillyBBBW View Post
A slut to me isn't really about sex at all. A slut is an inscrupulous person who will knowingly and even deliberately sleep with someone else's boyfriend, husband, etc. They'll lie, misrepresent themselves, etc. just to get into someone's pants. I know women who will do something like this simply to put down another woman just to make her feel like that woman is not woman enough to keep her own man and she's way better, etc. It sounds base and trashy because it is. Near everyone has known someone like that.

I get off on the whole special-union-between-two-lovers stuff. Without it sex is a waste of my time. I may as well be at the gynocologists office for crying out loud. I don't even want to bother. BUT, I would not know that about myself had I not experimented at one time and tried things out for myself. I don't see anything wrong with someone trying to figure themselves out or enjoying things in a way that I can't as long as they are upfront about their expectations and they're not hurting anybody. I envy people who can do that actually. It's just not for me.
I would say I agree with everything in this post.


PS--to the comment that her best friend may be in love with her, I think Saoirse has mentioned several times in the past that he's gay.
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Old 10-31-2011, 05:54 AM   #37
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Originally Posted by Saoirse View Post
I kinda feel like we are taught from a young age that sex is a special union between two lovers. Its in fairytales (maybe not SEX, but kissing and whatnot), its in movies, its in books....

I grew up thinking that one day I had to find my true love and give myself to him. That went right out the window when I had sex with my first boyfriend, as he was definitely not my true love and I still enjoyed it.
Quote:
Originally Posted by agouderia View Post
The we in this context applies almost exclusively to us women/girls - boys aren't taught this!
Apart from the abstinence preaching fringe - boys are taught: You're a man, you need sex, it's your most basic biological need, make sure you satisfy it, have fun ... oh and by the way, at least try to be half-way responsible about it! (The latter as a concession to modern times)
Experiences vary, but what I picked up was much closer to what Saoise said than what Agouderia said. Then again, I was always more influenced by books than by locker room talk, which could be a factor there?
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Old 10-31-2011, 12:19 PM   #38
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Saw this today and thought of this thread:

http://www.salon.com/2011/10/30/a_se..._todays_girls/

I think slut is a word that should have as much power to shame as it does. And then how does one define it really? What makes a girl a slut? Showing too much skin? Having "too much" sex? Or as was mentioned earlier - sleeping with men who are taken? Bah. Why can't we be just women?
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Old 10-31-2011, 02:39 PM   #39
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Originally Posted by Tad View Post
Experiences vary, but what I picked up was much closer to what Saoise said than what Agouderia said. Then again, I was always more influenced by books than by locker room talk, which could be a factor there?
Same.

The friendships I've made post-high school have been very counter to the sexual world view I was taught growing up.
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Old 10-31-2011, 06:43 PM   #40
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"slut is a word that should have as much power to shame as it does."
I think that a big part of Nietzsche was trying to teach us is be "masters of our own morality;" that is, if something we do (or that which we're described as doing/being) either brings us shame or makes us happy and feeling good about ourselves, or if doing the opposite of that thing (whatever it is) makes us feel the opposite-way, then we should try to examine the point of whether or not our freely-expressed values and ideas match-up with that response. And if they don't, then a certain re-calibration is called-for.

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Originally Posted by LillyBBBW View Post
"A slut is an inscrupulous person who will knowingly and even deliberately sleep with someone else's boyfriend, husband, etc. They'll lie, misrepresent themselves, etc. just to get into someone's pants...to put down another woman just to make her feel like that woman is not woman enough to keep her own man and she's way better, etc. It sounds base and trashy because it is...as long as they are upfront about their expectations and they're not hurting anybody."
Well, even just concerning sexuality, there are a myriad of ways to betray someone else's scruples or ideals. No-doubt, as some posts here suggest, it's near-impossible to follow all of society's codes and aphorisms; as, taken together, they will tend to contradict one another. Even something as basic as the expectation of being forthright or "the camp-fire rule," carries with-it the task of unpacking exactly what that means for oneself and vis-a-vis a specific partner. Treated exactly the same way, one type of partner's thrill of a lifetime could well lead another to being irrevocably harmed or, really, anywhere on a range of ambivalence & butt-hurtedness.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Deanna View Post
"...open that he was purely interested in a "special friendship". I thought I could handle it because I am after all insatiable, and it's been forever since I relaxed and enjoyed some casual sex...starting to care for him as more than a fuck buddy, really liking him deep down, because I am an emotional girl who cannot so easily turn that side of me off, though I've had casual partners in the past that didn't have this effect on me.

No matter how much I can control him with my beckoning ass this will probably never be more than a very special friendship. Not for lack of chemistry, and not for lack of compatibility, but because we're both confused people with too many fears...I am trying hard to turn off my emotions.
"
On first reading, that's sort of heart-breaking. I mean, I get-it. Guys are going through-it too. From how it sounds, he's going through-it with you. But, on the other hand; it's sort of life-affirming. I mean, at least you can (both of you, hopefully) realize what's preventing it from escalating to the next level, and that's it's not, per se, any sort of short-coming on either of your part. It's just the way that it-is. And being that way, doesn't make it any less real or valid or meaningful or heartfelt or whatever. I think some of the problems stem from that, folks not allowing themselves to feel or fully appreciate things that somehow fail to match-up with the more idealized and romanticized forms of partnership.
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Old 10-31-2011, 08:03 PM   #41
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I meant to say that the word shouldn't have as much power as it does.


As an aside, the only interesting thing about Nietzsche is teaching a three year old to say Nietzsche. All that nihilistic stuff is kinda boring.
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Old 10-31-2011, 08:11 PM   #42
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According to Wikipedia and the IPA string, it should be pronounced "Neetcha". I've always pronounced it as "Neetchee".

Either way, I'd rather just teach a 3-year old to say "Nee" = P
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Old 10-31-2011, 08:14 PM   #43
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According to Wikipedia and the IPA string, it should be pronounced "Neetcha". I've always pronounced it as "Neetchee".

Either way, I'd rather just teach a 3-year old to say "Nee" = P
Yeah, I actually knew a guy who taught his kid to pronounce it that way. That's how I know it's supposed to be pronounced. LOL The student becomes the master.

....Maybe Yoda would have better advice on the state of being. Do or do not. There is no try.
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Old 11-01-2011, 05:10 AM   #44
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Originally Posted by Yakatori View Post
Well, even just concerning sexuality, there are a myriad of ways to betray someone else's scruples or ideals. No-doubt, as some posts here suggest, it's near-impossible to follow all of society's codes and aphorisms; as, taken together, they will tend to contradict one another. Even something as basic as the expectation of being forthright or "the camp-fire rule," carries with-it the task of unpacking exactly what that means for oneself and vis-a-vis a specific partner. Treated exactly the same way, one type of partner's thrill of a lifetime could well lead another to being irrevocably harmed or, really, anywhere on a range of ambivalence & butt-hurtedness.
I don't see anything ambiguous about misleading people. As soon as someone tries to soft-shoe around that issue it sends up an immediate red flag for me and tells me all I need to know. It's one thing if things don't work out and naturally misunderstandings can occur. Witholding information so that at a future date you can pull out the old, "Oh! I assumed you knew I was only in it to fuck you. Hey, it's the 80s/90s/etc., you should have figured, sorry," is too overdone to qualify under those terms. People like that know from the start that if their lover knew their true intentions s/he wouldn't bother with them at all so they simply choose to keep silent knowing the whole time that they are taking something from someone that would not otherwise be given. Sorry, I'm just not convinced of any 'oops' in a situation like that.
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Old 11-01-2011, 08:01 AM   #45
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A slut to me isn't really about sex at all. A slut is an inscrupulous person who will knowingly and even deliberately sleep with someone else's boyfriend, husband, etc. They'll lie, misrepresent themselves, etc. just to get into someone's pants. I know women who will do something like this simply to put down another woman just to make her feel like that woman is not woman enough to keep her own man and she's way better, etc. It sounds base and trashy because it is. Near everyone has known someone like that.

I get off on the whole special-union-between-two-lovers stuff. Without it sex is a waste of my time. I may as well be at the gynocologists office for crying out loud. I don't even want to bother. BUT, I would not know that about myself had I not experimented at one time and tried things out for myself. I don't see anything wrong with someone trying to figure themselves out or enjoying things in a way that I can't as long as they are upfront about their expectations and they're not hurting anybody. I envy people who can do that actually. It's just not for me.
I think Lilly has pretty much expressed what I've always thought the term meant. . In fact although I'm old, I've only heard the term used in deference to someone once, and it was used in a comment about one of my late wife's co-workers. . a gay man cheating on his partner. .Hearing her say "He's being such a slut" was very difficult to fathom in the day. . But thanks LilyBBBW very well stated..
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Old 11-01-2011, 02:17 PM   #46
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Thanks everyone! So much input to process! Dont know if my stoner mind can handle it

I do like casual sex. I know I can handle it because I've done it before. But when I meet a guy that I am truly interested in, my mind automatically tells me to do anything to make him happy, so he will see what a nice girl I am... and that usually leads to sex. And thats when I start to feel shitty and worthless.

But man, I really really really love sex. Im NOT a touchy-feely kinda person. I dont offer up hugs (but I dont turn them down) or back rubs or let someone put their arm around me... unless Im having sex with them. Sometimes I think my love of sex gets me into some predicaments. The bestie jokingly (?) said I dont know how to kick it with a guy without having sex with him. Sadly, its kinda true.
Stoner minds unite. But really I totally understand what you're saying here.

I'm making a guess here based entirely on my own experiences, but I'm thinking you probably have a lot of insecurities.

I didn't know I was insecure until the other day I was toking up and talking with a friend I have a huge crush on (and can now act on since I broke up with my boyfriend a couple months ago). He likes me for who I am. If it wasn't for long distance, we'd probably be dating. Yet... I still felt a strong desire to push my sexuality on him, if that makes sense. I couldn't believe he could like me for me, without me putting the goods on display. I flirt a lot. I try to get him riled up. I want him to talk to me the way other FAs do - tell me I'm fat and beautiful and how much he'd love to fuck me.

But he doesn't out and say things like that very often. I realized that if I'm not constantly hearing it, I don't believe it. I'm so insecure with myself that if I'm not being fawned over by a guy, I don't believe he could really be into me.

But my friend is proof. You don't have to give yourself sexually to someone to get them interested. The guys truly worth being with long term are willing to wait - not to mention, the challenge of the pursuit, playing hard to get - that's what really generates interest. But it requires a lot of self confidence, and I didn't realize until my own situation here just how insecure I really was. I wonder if your situation is similar.


And before anyone jumps on me - I'm not saying casual sex is wrong. I think it could be great. I just think you should pursue it with confidence in yourself. Makes for a lot less emotional trauma.

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Old 11-01-2011, 03:20 PM   #47
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I realized that if I'm not constantly hearing it, I don't believe it. I'm so insecure with myself that if I'm not being fawned over by a guy, I don't believe he could really be into me.
THIS. thisthisthisthisthis!

helloooo lightbulb moment! i really need to smoke.
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Old 11-01-2011, 03:27 PM   #48
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THIS. thisthisthisthisthis!

helloooo lightbulb moment! i really need to smoke.
I know that's usually where my lightbulb moments come from lol. Either that or when I'm sitting on the pot or taking a shower. Good luck on your journey.
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Old 11-01-2011, 03:41 PM   #49
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I'm so insecure with myself that if I'm not being fawned over by a guy, I don't believe he could really be into me.
For me, it isn't about being insecure with myself, but knowing that the majority of guys out there aren't into fat women. It's always been the men who initiated and showed their interest in my relationships and experiences, because unless a man makes it obvious he's into me, I'm going to assume he's not.

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And before anyone jumps on me - I'm not saying casual sex is wrong. I think it could be great. I just think you should pursue it with confidence in yourself. Makes for a lot less emotional trauma.
Knowing why you're doing it and that you're not hoping it will be a stepping stone towards a relationship is important, I agree. Have sex because you want sex, not because you want to impress someone or hope it will make them fall in love with you. You can love yourself and indulge in no strings casual sex!
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Old 11-01-2011, 03:56 PM   #50
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...unless a man makes it obvious he's into me, I'm going to assume he's not.
Doesn't that statement right there hint at a little insecurity though? And I'm only saying that because I'm the same way lol. For me, the other person has to make the first move. I've been too insecure and afraid of rejection to approach someone first, until recently. Not saying you're the same, but it's something to think about. I seriously thought I was a pretty confident person until I started looking at my behavior more closely lol.

And I've found out that there are a lot more guys out there who might not have a preference for fat women, but are still totally open to it. You might be surprised. Start as friends first, and who knows what might come of it.
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