Slut.

[AnnMarie]

Originally Posted by Aurora

Doesn't that statement right there hint at a little insecurity though? And I'm only saying that because I'm the same way lol. For me, the other person has to make the first move. I've been too insecure and afraid of rejection to approach someone first, until recently. Not saying you're the same, but it's something to think about. I seriously thought I was a pretty confident person until I started looking at my behavior more closely lol.

And I've found out that there are a lot more guys out there who might not have a preference for fat women, but are still totally open to it. You might be surprised. Start as friends first, and who knows what might come of it.

Interesting, but I do think you can be confident but still realize that statistically you're at a disadvantage. In other words, I can know that I'm confident and worthy of time and attention, but not believe that simply showing interest in a man is going to get that to happen. I can be confident and not be assertive.

Different than the topic at hand, but possibly a distinction worth mentioning.

[LillyBBBW]

I don't know, if I'm supposed to weight my hands out beside me and go, "AH! He digs me," I feel as if that expectation is unreasonable. I think generally speaking if he hasn't told me, it's pretty safe to assume that I don't know. There's always the possibility that the person who's really friendly with you is simply a friendly person and the one who's standing 20 feet away and never even looks at you is digging you something fierce but can't muster the courage to look you in the eye. He talks to everybody in the room but you because he can't. There's no way of knowing.

[olwen]

Originally Posted by Aurora

Doesn't that statement right there hint at a little insecurity though? And I'm only saying that because I'm the same way lol. For me, the other person has to make the first move. I've been too insecure and afraid of rejection to approach someone first, until recently. Not saying you're the same, but it's something to think about. I seriously thought I was a pretty confident person until I started looking at my behavior more closely lol.

And I've found out that there are a lot more guys out there who might not have a preference for fat women, but are still totally open to it. You might be surprised. Start as friends first, and who knows what might come of it.

My experiences are similar to Pengin. If the guy doesn't make the first move I assume he's not interested. And that's not from lack of confidence but from the experience of me making the first move. I used to do that a lot and got rejected a lot and learned that really, the type of guy I need would be able to make the first move and wouldn't be afraid to let me know he's interested, otherwise there is no point in me making the first move. And really, when guys are interested they have a difficult time hiding it. If I get a clear indication both from body language AND verbally then it's all good.

[olwen]

Originally Posted by AnnMarie

Interesting, but I do think you can be confident but still realize that statistically you're at a disadvantage. In other words, I can know that I'm confident and worthy of time and attention, but not believe that simply showing interest in a man is going to get that to happen. I can be confident and not be assertive.

Different than the topic at hand, but possibly a distinction worth mentioning.

Totally agree.

Originally Posted by LillyBBBW

I don't know, if I'm supposed to weight my hands out beside me and go, "AH! He digs me," I feel as if that expectation is unreasonable. I think generally speaking if he hasn't told me, it's pretty safe to assume that I don't know. There's always the possibility that the person who's really friendly with you is simply a friendly person and the one who's standing 20 feet away and never even looks at you is digging you something fierce but can't muster the courage to look you in the eye. He talks to everybody in the room but you because he can't. There's no way of knowing.

I'm just always going to assume that a person who's being friendly is just being friendly and nothing more and the guy who's ignoring me completely is totally uninterested. Usually when that happens he's more interested in whatever skinny chick is around and he's trying to get in her pants. These types of guys will even step infront of me like I'm not even there to talk to the skinny chick I'm hanging out with. For me, a guy just has to make it absolutely clear he's interested in me or I'm going to assume he isn't.

Just to keep it on topic, if I have to do a lot of work (i.e. sleeping with a guy to make him like me) he isn't worth the effort. If he's truly interested in me he'll be patient and make an effort to get to know me and move at my pace. If he can't even be bothered to make an effort to get to know me it's a total waste of time.

[Forgotten_Futures]

Originally Posted by Aurora

You don't have to give yourself sexually to someone to get them interested.

Some guys (me, for instance) are actually put off by this kind of behavior. That degree of forwardness sends signals that imply the girl evidencing that behavior is not the kind who's going to be interested in a lasting relationship.

[Forgotten_Futures]

Originally Posted by Forgotten_Futures

Some guys (me, for instance) are actually put off by this kind of behavior. That degree of forwardness sends signals that imply the girl evidencing that behavior is not the kind who's going to be interested in a lasting relationship.

I just thought of another way to say this which is funny enough that it merits posting: "The way to my heart is not through my genitals."

[mszwebs]

I can't say that I have much of a problem with the word slut, as I've never actually had anyone use it negatively in regard to my actions.

To my face lol...or anywhere where it has gotten back to me.

There is a certain person who will refer to me as a slut, or as slutty, but that is because they reaped the benefits of said "slutty" actions. Knowing it is said because the person saying it enjoyed 'slutting' with me,so to speak, takes away any negative connotation.

And there is at least 1 female friend of mine that I've affectionately called a slut, and she me, when we were sharing dirt about sex... ownership of the word and the fact that we're not bogged down by other people's judgement of our sex lives.

[lovelocs]

Originally Posted by Forgotten_Futures

Some guys (me, for instance) are actually put off by this kind of behavior. That degree of forwardness sends signals that imply the girl evidencing that behavior is not the kind who's going to be interested in a lasting relationship.

How do you know what type of relationship someone is interested in based on a single behavior? One behavior may have many causes. Personally, I'm sexually "forward" because I'm forward in all things. I've never gotten anything by waiting for it to come to me (and believe me, I've waited). It took me a while to see that people actually ascribed all kinds of meaning to my actions, which were benignly untrue to downright malicious. I've toned back on my sexuality a great deal in the last decade, not because I worry about what people think, but because I wasn't achieving the desired results.



I'm still not. Fuck it.

[Forgotten_Futures]

Originally Posted by lovelocs

How do you know what type of relationship someone is interested in based on a single behavior? One behavior may have many causes. Personally, I'm sexually "forward" because I'm forward in all things. I've never gotten anything by waiting for it to come to me (and believe me, I've waited). It took me a while to see that people actually ascribed all kinds of meaning to my actions, which were benignly untrue to downright malicious. I've toned back on my sexuality a great deal in the last decade, not because I worry about what people think, but because I wasn't achieving the desired results.



I'm still not. Fuck it.

I didn't say forwardness/overforewardness was a forgone conclusion, only that it creates the impression of one. Most guys in my position don't go very far past the "this girl is only interested in sex, ergo not for me" page.

[penguin]

Originally Posted by Aurora

Doesn't that statement right there hint at a little insecurity though?

Like AnnMarie said, it's about knowing that amongst the general population, men are more likely to be attracted to my sister than me. Amongst FAs, the opposite would be true. I refer to myself as being like stinky cheese - not for everyone, but those that love it, love it.

And I've found out that there are a lot more guys out there who might not have a preference for fat women, but are still totally open to it. You might be surprised. Start as friends first, and who knows what might come of it.

Oh, I know that. But I still won't expect a man to be interested unless he makes a move.

Originally Posted by AnnMarie

Interesting, but I do think you can be confident but still realize that statistically you're at a disadvantage. In other words, I can know that I'm confident and worthy of time and attention, but not believe that simply showing interest in a man is going to get that to happen. I can be confident and not be assertive.

Different than the topic at hand, but possibly a distinction worth mentioning.

Yes, all of this.

[Aurora]

Originally Posted by penguin

Oh, I know that. But I still won't expect a man to be interested unless he makes a move.

I just realized something; I guess it depends on what you consider "a move." If I see a guy sorta shyly eyeing me once in a while from across a dance floor or a bar, I'm going to go say hi. In that scenario, I would say I made the first move, even if he showed a little interest first. I think there's a good chance I'd find a dance partner at least, maybe something more.

And in this scenario if I waited it out to see if he'd make a first move? Well, maybe he's a shy guy and wouldn't get up his own courage to talk to me (big girls can be intimidating too!).

[Tina]

First off, I'm tired of the word "slut" just like I'm tired of the words "bitch" and "cunt." They are both perjoratives whose genesis has to do with females, and they're bandied about way too often, IMO.

Beyond that, as soon as women are allowed to fuck around without societal blame or judgment like men are, we can discuss the word "slut" and how it should apply to men, too. Until then, I'd throw it off like water off a duck's back and live your life as you see fit. Everyone else can merrily fuck off.

[Deanna]

This thread is pure therapy.

[BigCutieAnya]

If you're not harming anyone, and you're playing it safe...I say fuck to your little hearts content! The notion of a woman being a 'slut' is so outmoded.

The fact is, women like sex just as much as men AND thanks to our wonderful physiology we can have more of it. The only people in this world who would like us to think otherwise are jealous old men who can no longer take advantage of our lustiness and prude women who probably just need thrown into a sapphic orgy and made to understand.

Again, fuck all you want and don't you dare say sorry in the morning. (Or when you get out of the backseat, or the bathroom, or from behind the bushes!)

[LovelyLiz]

This has been an interesting thread. One aspect that strikes me as a bit odd (and this is based on just an overall feeling, not one person's response in particular), is how some people seem so quick to tell the OP to just go f*ck the hell out of everyone she wants and not to feel guilty about it or have any regrets ever. How is cajoling her into this mentality different from cajoling her into the "sex should only be a beautiful union between two people who love each other and are committed to each other" mentality? They're both ideologies.

It just seems kind of hypocritical to tell someone to make their own choice and not let anyone tell them what to do, as long as they decide that your ideology is the right one.

[bigmac]

Originally Posted by BigCutieAnya

... The only people in this world who would like us to think otherwise are jealous old men who can no longer take advantage of our lustiness and prude women who probably just need thrown into a sapphic orgy and made to understand.

Again, fuck all you want and don't you dare say sorry in the morning. (Or when you get out of the backseat, or the bathroom, or from behind the bushes!)

Hey, don't diss us old guys -- some of us are taking "advantage" every chance we get.

[Deanna]

Originally Posted by bigmac

Hey, don't diss us old guys -- some of us are taking "advantage" every chance we get.

That's what I like about old dudes!

[BigCutieBonnie]

I don't believe in the term slut, we should be able to sleep with who we like without regrets. In the end if it was a mistake then we will learn no point worrying about it

[MissAshley]

The only time I might feel like passing judgment on someone who sleeps with a lot of people is if they aren't using birth control or using protection against diseases. Unfortunately there are a lot of careless people spreading things around and having children they can't properly support, which certainly doesn't just affect that person.

[Saoirse]

sadly, a lot of you should be judging me hardcore right now. ive done a lot of stupid, unsafe things over the past few months.

[Yakatori]

Do you really believe that a community organized around the principle of "acceptance" is going-to, on the balance, put you in touch with "lots" of people who should be judging you. Or is it really Saoirse who's judging Saoirse?

[Saoirse]

Originally Posted by Yakatori

Do you really believe that a community organized around the principle of "acceptance" is going-to, on the balance, put you in touch with "lots" of people who should be judging you. Or is it really Saoirse who's judging Saoirse?

Based on what people have said, Id say both.

[LittleCthulhu]

I might be tardy to the party here but, what the hell, I'll throw my two cents in.

In my experience, the sort of people who use the word slut as an insult are often people who are pretty immature when it comes to things of a sexual nature. Slut is used to demonize women (though sometimes men!) who have the audacity to enjoy sex. I don't feel the need to be in a long term, committed relationship to have sex. I am safe, I don't hurt others and I make sure we are both on the same page. Why is that such a bad thing?
Is being a slut a bad thing? Sex is nothing to be ashamed of.

Some prefer to wait, others do it as often as they can. It's no one's business how people choose to enjoy sex and express themselves. You don't owe it to anyone to justify your dating and sexual history.

[Deanna]

Originally Posted by Yakatori

Do you really believe that a community organized around the principle of "acceptance" is going-to, on the balance, put you in touch with "lots" of people who should be judging you. Or is it really Saoirse who's judging Saoirse?

I've judged myself too after weak moments. Sometimes that's what it takes to recognize I am worth more than the way I normally treat myself, to recognize that sleeping with someone will not make him have romantic feelings for me (hard to reprogram myself from this), that while I have something awesome going on between my legs he can find it in any other chick as well, and that I need to be pickier about who gets to see that side of me.

[Surlysomething]

Originally Posted by Saoirse

Based on what people have said, Id say both.

Meh. Keep it to yourself and no one will know the difference. Haha.


Just be safe. You don't want to get anything that keeps on giving for the rest of your life.