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Old 10-27-2011, 10:04 AM   #1
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Default The inherent FA predicament

I've always been attracted to fat women. I find fatness alluring, elegant, comforting, and just plain wonderful in every respect. Always have, always will.

The way I always looked at it, if someone is destined to be fat, then a relationship with someone who appreciates her/him that way is a good thing. To be admired, wanted and appreciated instead of being criticized and urged to lose weight even at home simply has to be a good thing.

Yet, you wouldn't know that reading all the posts of us FAs having no idea how horrible it is to live in a fat body, how FAs are just users with a fixation on a body type, etc., etc. If you read those posts, you might well think that joining in on asking one's partner to lose weight would be the right and proper thing to do.

FAs can be in a difficult position that way. There are aspects of fatness that can be detrimental. So would it behoove us to gently urge a fat loved one to lose weight, or shall we be ourselves and support her/him to be just the way they are?

What do you FAs out there think?

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Old 10-27-2011, 10:25 AM   #2
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I feel that despite the fact that I find fat on a woman as femine and beautiful, I also know that being healthy is the #1 concern for living a long life. I know that you are commiting to a person more than a physical attribute. After all, once we grow old and time passes our physical features is one of first things to go. Sure it may be a loss on what attracts us to our partners, but the rest of the person is what keeps us there for the long haul.

I feel my thoughts might sound a bit disjointed (haven't posted in several weeks) hope it comes across as somewhat conherent
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Old 10-27-2011, 11:00 AM   #3
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As a fat FA I have a somewhat different perspective on weight. I'm not in SA only due to my physical preference in women, its my issue too. I have always been distrustful of what is pushed as the conventional wisdom, when the media, the scientific community, and the government begin to all push the same idea that immediately tells me that it's a lie and the fix is in. I thoroughly believe the science on the ills of fatness is highly skewed for the benefit of corporations and by a media who bounces from one overhyped disaster to another with no accountability to the truth. I am also certain of the fallibility of man, we don't know enough about anything to make the huge generalizations we attempt to. We have just enough knowledge to be dangerous, look at how many supposed cures have had deadly unforeseen consequences when they become widespread.

Being a religious person I'm not waiting on mankind to save me from my fat, that's not what is important to me. I don't believe that my waistline is the most important measure of who I am, or has any impact on my relationship with God. We have an obligation to our partner to help them look out for their best interests but in our belief system her fat is pretty far down the list of dangers to her overall well being.
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Old 10-27-2011, 11:05 AM   #4
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Being an FA is just one facet of my personality and there are many other things that get considered when I’m dating someone and considering a long term relationship, other then just my preference for fuller figured women. That being said, as an FA and with my personality in general I know beyond the shadow of a doubt that I would not be very effective support for someone trying to lose weight. There’s just no way I could pretend to put on a supportive front. It’s not who I am. If that makes me a bad person then I guess that’s for everyone else to judge. I’m content with who I am and as long as I make that clear to anyone I date (and I have with drasitcally varying results) you’d be hard pressed to convince me otherwise.
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Old 10-27-2011, 12:06 PM   #5
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Default I Agree, Guys

Quote:
Originally Posted by Fat Brian View Post
As a fat FA I have a somewhat different perspective on weight. ..snipped...
I'm in the same place, being a 56 year old, 5'6&1/2", 436 lb BHM/FA, myself.


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Originally Posted by elroycohen View Post
Being an FA is just one facet of my personality and there are many other things that get considered when Iím dating someone and considering a long term relationship, other then just my preference for fuller figured women. That being said, as an FA and with my personality in general I know beyond the shadow of a doubt that I would not be very effective support for someone trying to lose weight. Thereís just no way I could pretend to put on a supportive front. Itís not who I am. If that makes me a bad person then I guess thatís for everyone else to judge. Iím content with who I am and as long as I make that clear to anyone I date (and I have with drasitcally varying results) youíd be hard pressed to convince me otherwise.
I couldn't even fake weight-loss support to save my 14 year marriage.
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Old 10-27-2011, 02:33 PM   #6
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This is a meaty thread, for sure.

My dating experience consists of two women who were SSBBWs and then three smaller women who fell into the size 18-22 range. With the smaller women, the fact that I was an FA was a mixed bag. One worried she wasn't fat enough, yet hated being as big as she was. One was new to the whole idea, and slowly came to enjoy the quirk of it all. The last one knew she was as small as she could be without exercising like mad, though I get the feeling I was being humored in the bedroom, but I feel that way with anyone who isn't a straight-up fat fetishist. (It's the only way I've found to be sure so far.)

Now, with the bigger ladies, this is where things get wonky. One in particular caused me to really question this part of myself and really come down hard on it. I mean, I read the "Realities of Dating a SSBBW" thread, but I wasn't ready to see first-hand the difficulties of being so big. It made me ask, "Should I be so terribly attracted to something that makes life so difficult?" It ate at me to the point where I couldn't properly enjoy her body the way an FA does. I was consumed by guilt and disgust with myself.

I mean, let's face it: being fat isn't that great, and that becomes harsher the bigger one gets. (Yes, yes, exceptions all over the place in individual cases, I know, but all too many of those cases are feedees/gainers.)

I mean, there was a very telling thread, which corroborated with experiences I've had talking to women in the real world, where women were asked if they could take the skinny pill, would they? Or that one about what weight they were happiest at? There was a distinct trend of wanting to be JUST a little smaller. Not a drastic change, but the size 20 ladies seemed to average wanting to be a 14 or 16 again, women around a size 24 wanted to be a 18 or 20, size 32s wanted to be 22 or 24, and so on. I'm not begrudging them this at all, because I can see why they would want to quite easily.

So as this FA, it's hard to not feel guilt when enjoying that which your partner would rather do without.

And my limited experiences have taught me that the only way for me to have a fulfilling, guilt-free sex life is to be with a gainer/feedee/fat-fetishist kind of woman, as there's no doubt in my mind then that the things that I do aren't just being tolerated. I hope to hell that I'm wrong about this, and that I'm not so terribly limited in who I can fit together with in this context.

I really wish that sex wasn't as important to me as it is. Being geared towards fat women has made everything more difficult every step of the way. Is there some kind of WLS I can perform my sexual attraction? I'd still like fat women, it's just that if I could get down to a size 22 I'd be thrilled.

To answer the actual question: I'd want to help.
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Old 10-27-2011, 05:46 PM   #7
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[QUOTE=Webmaster;1804378] you might well think that joining in on asking one's partner to lose weight would be the right and proper thing to do. QUOTE]

I just want to point out that encouraging someone to live healthful lifestyle does not result in massive weight loss. Eating enough fruits, veggies, antioxidant rich spices, and moving enough to get the blood and lymph flowing will not turn a big person into a skinny minny.
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Old 10-27-2011, 06:15 PM   #8
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Originally Posted by Webmaster View Post
So would it behoove us to gently urge a fat loved one to lose weight, or shall we be ourselves and support her/him to be just the way they are?
For me the key word in this sentence is "support." If you love somebody, your support her decisions about her body because (1) it's HER body, (2) she's the one who has to live in it,(3) if she isn't happy in her own body -- for whatever reason or no reason at all -- she isn't happy, and (4) if mama ain't happy, ain't NOBODY happy. My ex-wife was a BBW: she hated it. She decided she wanted to join Overeaters Anonymous, and I supported her --
including sitting through endless meetings where one person after another confessed to hiding cookies under the sofa cushions (don't they get stale?). The present incumbent is more mid-sized, but she is generally happy being the size she is (everybody has 'ugly' days, of course), and I make sure to tell her frequently how lovely she is. But then she would be lovely to me no matter what size she was, and she has my support for whatever she feels she needs to do. So, for me at least, there's no predicament.
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Old 10-27-2011, 10:58 PM   #9
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Ok I am a big girl myself and I like bigger guys (or at the very least guys without six packs which I think is gross I know I know I've said it before) would I still like or love the guy if he decided he wanted to be smaller, as long as it wasn't break you off skinny or all muscly I think I'd be okay with it, who's to say until you are put in the situation...(hope I am not offending those who are muscular I am sure you are nice and all)

I am happy as myself, and I like myself but in real life and the real world it would be much easier to fit in at size 20 then it is at size 30... although I am beginning to see a much bigger world then the one I live in IRL and am starting to see that there are men out there who actually appreciate the difference rather then mock it, and to you gentlemen thank you for taking the time to appreciate the outside and getting to know what's on the inside... I don't see what all the fuss is about really I mean everyone is attracted to something different whether it be height weight race religion etc so why make a big deal if someone finds fat attractive thats why its called an opinion cause everyone has one...

So to all the FA and FFAs there is no need to explain yourself or your choices cause in the end they are YOUR choices

Last edited by EvilPrincess; 10-29-2011 at 08:19 PM.
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Old 10-28-2011, 04:08 PM   #10
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...edited for content..
I believe there are plenty of women here who are happy being big, it's not impossible. It's partially that sort of thinking that keeps young FAs in the closet, feeling that there is no one out there who will accept them or their desires.

I want to address something everybody says about "Oh, its her/his body and they can do what they want". It's one thing when you are just dating but when you are married and committed to each other you don't solely own your body anymore. If I wanted to take my body and use it to have sex with other women I can rightly expect my wife to be upset. It's the same if I wanted to tattoo my face or have a sex change, those decisions effect our relationship and one party can't justly make those choices for the other without their consent and expect the relationship to remain intact. In the same way I feel like I do have some say if my wife wants to do something that drastically changes her body. We have to work together and if I present myself to her in the form she finds acceptable (clean, shaved, hair cut, not smelling of other women) then I feel like I deserve the same consideration.

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Old 10-28-2011, 06:55 PM   #11
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Ahh this issue. For anyone who's been around long enough you may distincly remember a very similiar thread like this that was around quite awhile ago. This focused on something known as "FA Guilt." Needless to say, I am happy to see that this issue is back up for discussion (espescially since I am able to post in it now).

For the most part, I hold that a women's weight is her own however I will say that what she does with her weight can have consequences. If she wishes to lose weight I will fully support her in that however that does not mean that I will stay just as sexual as I was prior to any weight loss. Depending on the individual, sex can be a major or minor part of the relationship and because I am attracted to larger women losing weight can have an effect on my sex drive. This can ofcourse majorly or minorly effect the relationship and depending on this it may end or not, it all depends on how valuable sex is to the relationship. (I personnally go out of my way to make sure I like someone legitimately)

The samething may also happen when they gain too much weight. It may bug me or it might not, if it affects the relationship it might cause the relationship to end, if she asks what is wrong, I will be honest.

So for me at least, the women's weight is in her hands, how I react to it however is not. I will never demand her to change for my sake, ever (besides one would think that if you like a person, you like them for them not for what you want them to be).
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Old 10-29-2011, 03:55 PM   #12
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...edited for content ..
And this is what I meant in a previous post somewhere about how for many women, dating an FA is akin to "giving up," or even a "temporary solution." I know two plus-size women who are open to dating an FA, but hate being as fat as they are (size 20, each of them) and still plan on getting down to a size whatever in the future...and I just wonder, once they've stopped settling for a fat body, do they stop settling for the FA they potentially have been dating and find a better, normal guy who dislikes her "fat" body as she did?

I should refuse to be settled for in this regard. I haven't always. I'd almost never be in a relationship if I did considering where I live, and plus I like to tell myself this aspect of my sexuality isn't as important as I make it out to be. But unfortunately it is a bigger deal than I'd like for it to be.

I never really considered this, but the Paysites really do sell a hell of a fantasy: a fat women who actually likes her fat body and wants YOU (the FA) to enjoy it as well. (Nevermind the eating/feeding/other-kinds-of-stuff in there these days.) I mean, when you go waaaay back to the earliest webmodels, that's what it had to be about, seeing as the content back then wasn't even near-sexual content. I can't even remember much all-out nudity back then! It was just, "Hey, check out this attractive fat woman who isn't covering up and is smiling!"

(I feel like I stink up every potentially good thread in this sectionwith my BS, sorry! )

Last edited by EvilPrincess; 10-29-2011 at 08:20 PM.
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Old 10-29-2011, 04:44 PM   #13
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And this is what I meant in a previous post somewhere about how for many women, dating an FA is akin to "giving up," or even a "temporary solution." I know two plus-size women who are open to dating an FA, but hate being as fat as they are (size 20, each of them) and still plan on getting down to a size whatever in the future...and I just wonder, once they've stopped settling for a fat body, do they stop settling for the FA they potentially have been dating and find a better, normal guy who dislikes her "fat" body as she did?

I should refuse to be settled for in this regard. I haven't always. I'd almost never be in a relationship if I did considering where I live, and plus I like to tell myself this aspect of my sexuality isn't as important as I make it out to be. But unfortunately it is a bigger deal than I'd like for it to be.

I never really considered this, but the Paysites really do sell a hell of a fantasy: a fat women who actually likes her fat body and wants YOU (the FA) to enjoy it as well. (Nevermind the eating/feeding/other-kinds-of-stuff in there these days.) I mean, when you go waaaay back to the earliest webmodels, that's what it had to be about, seeing as the content back then wasn't even near-sexual content. I can't even remember much all-out nudity back then! It was just, "Hey, check out this attractive fat woman who isn't covering up and is smiling!"

(I feel like I stink up every potentially good thread in this sectionwith my BS, sorry! )
I hope you do not mind my feedback but you do not stink up the thread and it is sad that you have had to deal with that

However, there is hope. I actually prefer being the size I am. Did I always? No. But I have weighed much less and not liked myself also.

I think you will find a woman/women who find themselves attractive and love that you also share that sentiment (and do not think you or they are settling). I took this journey and got there. Some have always found themselves attractive and there are others that have either made that journey or will in the future. I think Dims itself is proof of that. I am happy/proud to be BBW and happy/proud for the FA's in the world (whether they use the title or not). Please keep your head up!

ps- i hope this made sense and that I actually understood you correctly as well

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Old 10-29-2011, 05:46 PM   #14
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Originally Posted by The Orange Mage View Post
And this is what I meant in a previous post somewhere about how for many women, dating an FA is akin to "giving up," or even a "temporary solution." I know two plus-size women who are open to dating an FA, but hate being as fat as they are (size 20, each of them) and still plan on getting down to a size whatever in the future...and I just wonder, once they've stopped settling for a fat body, do they stop settling for the FA they potentially have been dating and find a better, normal guy who dislikes her "fat" body as she did?

I should refuse to be settled for in this regard. I haven't always. I'd almost never be in a relationship if I did considering where I live, and plus I like to tell myself this aspect of my sexuality isn't as important as I make it out to be. But unfortunately it is a bigger deal than I'd like for it to be.
If you think that self-hating women are the only ones you can get, then YOU are the one who is settling, NOT them. By the way, this statement is true for men OR women, fat OR thin.

If you can't find someone to date whom you actually like and respect, then you either have very low standards, or you don't think you deserve better, or you're too lazy to look for quality people. That statement is also true for men OR women, fat OR thin.

Quote:
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(I feel like I stink up every potentially good thread in this sectionwith my BS, sorry! )
Yes, you do. Your whining does a disservice to both yourself and to fat women. Stop making excuses for yourself. Get off your ass, and go out and look for the kind of woman that you claim you want. There are plenty of them out there. If you can't find one, you're not looking.
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Old 10-30-2011, 03:51 AM   #15
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Sorry if offended people please consider this my last post if people are so easily offended by something that wasn't meant to be offensive and just a general statement as to the mentality of what social stigmas can cause people to think I am sorry but I would rather have my thoughts deleted then edited they are MY thoughts and I would not edit anybody elses thoughts thank you!
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Old 10-30-2011, 09:29 AM   #16
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Sorry if offended people please consider this my last post if people are so easily offended by something that wasn't meant to be offensive and just a general statement as to the mentality of what social stigmas can cause people to think I am sorry but I would rather have my thoughts deleted then edited they are MY thoughts and I would not edit anybody elses thoughts thank you!
No one is asking you to leave but you are in a protected forum. Just like some things aren't allowed in the BBW forum there are rules for posting in here.
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Old 10-31-2011, 07:48 PM   #17
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I am so glad that this thread was created.

Qualifying technically as a SSBHM, I know that the science on the ills of fatness has been exaggerated. Not that I am not dismissing the difficulties of being very big. Considering the fact that I am not big enough to run into the same problems like in he "Realities of Dating a SSBBW" thread.

As a FA I always ask myself the question. "Is it morally wrong to be attracted to something that makes life so difficult?"

But, then I evaluate how much on life is difficult just because the social is making it hard.

And I answer myself I am not attracted to fat because it make women life difficult, but just the beauty of fat women.
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Old 11-01-2011, 08:13 AM   #18
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Just to reiterate: The issue for discussion here is whether partners of supersize people should join the chorus of all those who advise/nag the supersize person to lose weight even if the supersize person is perfectly okay with who and what they are? I ask because there are those who wag a finger at us, telling us that if we really loved our partner, then we'd make them lose weight for their own good regardless of how the partner feels.
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Old 11-01-2011, 08:57 AM   #19
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Just to reiterate: The issue for discussion here is whether partners of supersize people should join the chorus of all those who advise/nag the supersize person to lose weight even if the supersize person is perfectly okay with who and what they are? I ask because there are those who wag a finger at us, telling us that if we really loved our partner, then we'd make them lose weight for their own good regardless of how the partner feels.
The problem is that to answer that you have to first ask "Can a supersized person can truly be happy as they are or is their happiest really a by product of denial and self-delusion?"

If that person has misgivings about their size and we are encouraging them regardless then that a complete different issue. But if they do not have misgivings then are we not talking about FAs really having misgivings about their own preferences, and how it might support what we envision is a dangerous lifestyle.

I hope no one is offended by the bluntness of this post.
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Old 11-01-2011, 10:16 AM   #20
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I don't believe that weight loss is the panacea that the medical community/diet industry and popular culture claim it to be. Even when doctors admit they don't know the cause of a disease weight loss is often recommended anyway. There is a thread on the health board now in which someone has been diagnosed with a skin condition that leads to painful, persistent boils, if you look the disease up you find that doctors don't know what causes the problem but the leading treatment is weight loss which doesn't work. Its the same with all the pills they push, if you look at the fine print of every cholesterol pill it says "Not show to reduce the rates of heart attack and stroke". Well, if it doesn't reduce the incidence of heart attacks and strokes, the purpose the drug is prescribed for, then why bother taking it? Again, we know just enough to be dangerous to ourselves. Remember the whole transfats thing? We invented transfats in response to our belief that saturated fats were all very dangerous and if we made unsaturated fat behave like saturated we would see a health benefit. Well, we invented something that is far more dangerous than what we were trying to avoid.

If your partner is happy with their size, even if its very large, I don't see the point in pushing something which does no good. As long as there is not a real health condition that is actually being exacerbated by the weight (by real I mean a condition that is actually made worse be excessive weight, not something where a doctor thinks you should lose just because) I don't see the point. If a person is happy why should we rain on their parade just to impose the flawed status quo?
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Old 11-01-2011, 03:33 PM   #21
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What a self serving pile of shaving cream this thread is. You have no control over what your partner does or does not do with his/her weight. It is not your place to say. If your partner decides to lose weight for their own reasons, you should encourage that. If you can't, then you have a decision to make. That decision is whether or not you are more attracted to the person or the fat. If you decide the fat is more important, do your partner a favor and end the relationship.
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Old 11-01-2011, 04:10 PM   #22
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I think I notice conspicuous absences around threads like this one?
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Old 11-01-2011, 04:22 PM   #23
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...

FAs can be in a difficult position that way. There are aspects of fatness that can be detrimental. So would it behoove us to gently urge a fat loved one to lose weight, or shall we be ourselves and support her/him to be just the way they are?

What do you FAs out there think?
True being very supersize is not easy and can lead to medical issues. Thus it would make sense for the friends and family of a supersized person to encourage weight loss. The problem is that most well meaning suggestions won't help.

The medical profession and weight loss industry, for the most part, adhere to the simplistic calories in calories out energy balance model. Unfortunately real life is much more complex. Nagging a loved one to eat less or take up the latest diet is unlikely to have any lasting effect other than to poison the relationship.

Better to forget about weight and instead concentrate on living life to the fullest -- which in most cases will involve getting out of the house more and being more active (which just may result in some modest weight loss without the ill effects of nagging).
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Old 11-01-2011, 04:47 PM   #24
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"I've always been attracted to fat women. I find fatness alluring, elegant, comforting, and just plain wonderful in every respect. Always have, always will."

I wish this wonderfully summarized statement could somehow define being an FA.

Then the rest would be "shaving cream". Really, everything else is within the confines of some relationship, whether dating, marriage, or some long term commitment. Teh fatness has no more to do with the acceptance within the relationship than any other issue. Do you communicate, do you both show respect for each other and use your love for one another to figure out workable solutions to keep the relationship strong.

Websters New English Dictonary (Dimensions Edition, 2011)

FA: [eff-ay'] n. (Am. Eng.) 1) [male/female] having always been attracted to fat women, finds fatness alluring, elegant, comforting, and wonderful in every aspect. 2) [male only] jerk-off control freak fetishists demanding full domination over the weight, size and shape of the female form. 3) alt. [fah] adj.a long, long, way from home <see "Doe a Deer...>

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Old 11-01-2011, 05:05 PM   #25
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I've been married to a terrific supersize woman more than 30 years, and I'd love her to be as fat as possible, but her fat is secondary to her health and well being. It's her body, I love her and I want her to be happy and healthy. A year ago she weighed 400 pounds when I wrote this just after I discovered Dimensions, and I'll quote the best part.

Fax sexuality: major turn on?
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5. Last weekend we went to a cocktail party. My wife was dressed to the nines, and I was absolutely smitten to see her large breasts and huge rolls of belly fat stretch her dress. I could hardly take my eyes off her. "Your husband really loves you, doesn't he?" If only they knew how much! She's the best thing that ever happend to me, I thank God I met her in 2nd grade, and to this day I'm very proud to be seen with her.
A few months later my wife underwent a battery of tests for chronic sinus problems which took a turn for the worse and no longer responded to medication. Eventually she was diagnosed with some food allergies, so per her doctor's recommendations she modified her eating habits to avoid heavily processed foods and refined sugars, and replace them with healthier alternatives like fresh fruits, veggies etc. The improvement was amazing. My wife rarely needs sinus medication anymore, she sleeps sleeps much better and she is more energetic. We eat the same foods, so I feel better too.

Unfortunately one side-effect for me is she has also lost 50 - 75 pounds this year without trying. Finally her weight loss seems to be slowing so she'll be closer to 300 pounds. I absolutely loved her XXXXL rolls of soft luscious fat bulging everywhere and stretching her clothes to impressive proportions, but now I'm adjusting to a smaller kind of supersize. If she's only XXL now she's still more than enough for me to love.
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