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Old 12-03-2011, 06:15 PM   #51
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Default Done That With A 27"

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Originally Posted by mortalmoron View Post
In my view it depends whether you love them or lust after them, or whether you love them more than you lust after them or not. If you truly love somebody, you don't encourage them to do things which will harm them - there is no escaping that. If you tell somebody you love them who is plainly unhealthy and incapacitated through being superfat, and you encourage and assist them in being that way then you lying to them about love or you have never experienced love, which is a universal medicine for all ailments. In the case of healthy fat people, that is people who are not incapacitated or disabled because of their weight, I see no wrong or harm in admiring their form. In my case, my wife, I certainly lusted after her fat body and that was what got us together in the first place - then I developed love for her and worry that she is perhaps a little too heavy. What brought this home to me, was carrying a 20 inch CRT monitor half a mile home from the shop - after 200 yards I was puffing and panting and thought OMG my wife is carrying around 3 or 4 of these all the time on top of what I weigh. These FAs who lust after impossibly fat women and encourage them to eat more and more, they are demons in my view - all they are doing is harm. Perhaps an education for them would be a special suit with pockets all over for 500 lbs of lead weights - they could try wearing it for a couple of days.
Unless a TV or Monitor at least has a handle, there's no comparison. That 27" I carried was a killer, as it was heavy enough to make me off balance and if that wasn't enough, carrying that thing also kept my lungs from fully expanding, causing my oxygen saturation to plummet like a rock! Carrying body fat is a strain, but is not nearly as much as carrying an object of the same weight. Having a person carry 50 lbs of unbalanced weight, in my opinion, is a good way to manipulate someone into losing weight.

I guess it really is demonic to encourage extreme weight changes that are outside of that person's free will and/or at dangerous extremes.
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Old 12-03-2011, 07:04 PM   #52
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Please clarify: Are you saying that if a partner is incapacitated or disabled because of their weight that it is wrong to admire their body which is as I understand it, their form? Specifically, is it wrong, to you, for someone to admire or be aroused by or love someone who is incapacitated or disabled?
Imagine an inverse Dimensions populated by thinness fanatics, would you defend the admiration of stick thin men and women kept alive by intravenous drip or a piece of fruit a day, or would it get your hackles up? Certainly there would be nothing wrong in loving that person, making a wish for them to be happy and healthy but to encourage them to be that thin and thinner would be wrong. To be aroused by people on the road to death through a desire to be that thin and ever thinner, that cannot be right. The inverse is also wrong, unhealthily fat and ever fatter. In my view, what is right lies between extremes.
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Old 12-03-2011, 08:55 PM   #53
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You can be attracted to an extremely supersized figure yet still be mature enough to put that away and join them on their focus in being healthier.

Just cause the creepy FAs on the internet can't manage that doesn't mean it's totally impossible.
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Old 12-03-2011, 10:10 PM   #54
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Originally Posted by Wagimawr View Post
I think you mean something more like "encouraging their size" here; I can't imagine any FA saying that a woman over a certain size should not be ADMIRED.
Well some of FFA/FA's have limits and don't want to do a remake of Stephen King's Misery.
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Old 12-04-2011, 12:17 AM   #55
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" In my view, what is right lies between extremes. "

I agree. And I think that when it comes to extremes, admiration is best kept within one's own mind, in the fantasy realm.

Because admiration is validation, and validation can be a very powerful form of encouragement, and also a means of enablement to people who have addiction issues or other self-destructive tendencies. The attention and the ego-stroke can also become addictive in and of itself. Everybody wants to be admired and validated. But not everybody has the ability to keep it in persepctive. Some people find that they need the admiration and validation more than they need to take care of themselves. And they're willing to allow themselves to get into a bad place because of it. Liking what we like isn't a choice, but expressing it is.

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Old 12-09-2011, 07:51 AM   #56
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Originally Posted by Tracyarts View Post
" In my view, what is right lies between extremes. "

I agree. And I think that when it comes to extremes, admiration is best kept within one's own mind, in the fantasy realm.

Because admiration is validation, and validation can be a very powerful form of encouragement, and also a means of enablement to people who have addiction issues or other self-destructive tendencies. The attention and the ego-stroke can also become addictive in and of itself. Everybody wants to be admired and validated. But not everybody has the ability to keep it in persepctive. Some people find that they need the admiration and validation more than they need to take care of themselves. And they're willing to allow themselves to get into a bad place because of it. Liking what we like isn't a choice, but expressing it is.

Tracy
That validation concept is outstanding, thanks for that I have been applying it elsewhere I cannot thank you enough for putting it in my head
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Old 12-09-2011, 09:31 AM   #57
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Ahh this issue. For anyone who's been around long enough you may distincly remember a very similiar thread like this that was around quite awhile ago. This focused on something known as "FA Guilt." Needless to say, I am happy to see that this issue is back up for discussion (espescially since I am able to post in it now).

For the most part, I hold that a women's weight is her own however I will say that what she does with her weight can have consequences. If she wishes to lose weight I will fully support her in that however that does not mean that I will stay just as sexual as I was prior to any weight loss. Depending on the individual, sex can be a major or minor part of the relationship and because I am attracted to larger women losing weight can have an effect on my sex drive. This can ofcourse majorly or minorly effect the relationship and depending on this it may end or not, it all depends on how valuable sex is to the relationship. (I personnally go out of my way to make sure I like someone legitimately)

The samething may also happen when they gain too much weight. It may bug me or it might not, if it affects the relationship it might cause the relationship to end, if she asks what is wrong, I will be honest.

So for me at least, the women's weight is in her hands, how I react to it however is not. I will never demand her to change for my sake, ever (besides one would think that if you like a person, you like them for them not for what you want them to be).
I find myself in agreement with you. I don't think I could add to what you said.
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Old 12-09-2011, 01:23 PM   #58
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Well some of FFA/FA's have limits and don't want to do a remake of Stephen King's Misery.
Why does any discussion of FAs always devolve to the BS urban myth that being an FA means you want to make your lover bed-bound? wtf!??
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Old 12-09-2011, 01:26 PM   #59
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Imagine an inverse Dimensions populated by thinness fanatics, would you defend the admiration of stick thin men and women kept alive by intravenous drip or a piece of fruit a day, or would it get your hackles up? Certainly there would be nothing wrong in loving that person, making a wish for them to be happy and healthy but to encourage them to be that thin and thinner would be wrong. To be aroused by people on the road to death through a desire to be that thin and ever thinner, that cannot be right. The inverse is also wrong, unhealthily fat and ever fatter. In my view, what is right lies between extremes.
So what you're saying the "how fat you like" is perfectly ok, but the "how fat that other guy likes" ooohhh, that's waaay too fat and that guy is a "demon".

That's really, ever so, convenient for you, isn't it?

Newsflash: unless you daily shame your wife into losing weight to the "normal" range there are millions of Thin Admirers out there who regard YOU as a "demon" / enabler / murderer.

People in glass houses... Pot calling the kettle... etc. etc.
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Old 12-09-2011, 01:35 PM   #60
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" In my view, what is right lies between extremes. "

I agree. And I think that when it comes to extremes, admiration is best kept within one's own mind, in the fantasy realm.

Because admiration is validation, and validation can be a very powerful form of encouragement, and also a means of enablement to people who have addiction issues or other self-destructive tendencies. The attention and the ego-stroke can also become addictive in and of itself. Everybody wants to be admired and validated. But not everybody has the ability to keep it in persepctive. Some people find that they need the admiration and validation more than they need to take care of themselves. And they're willing to allow themselves to get into a bad place because of it. Liking what we like isn't a choice, but expressing it is.

Tracy
1) We are not talking about children here. We're talking about adults. People of autonomous mental competence. The idea that an expression of admiration is somehow this tsunami of irresistable emotion is incredibly patronising.

2) Again, it's awfully convenient that YOUR desires in a lover don't include anything that runs afoul of a society-wide mass hate & profit indocrination program. That way you get to tell other people that they should never, ever express their desires, while enjoying the freedom to express your own.

While were at it, is this what DIMs has come to? Again, on the supposedly protected FA/FFA board, that we have people telling FAs and FFAs that they are "demons" who should back the fuck up into the closet and stay there!??? Really?? Seriously?

With this level of fat negativity and loathing expressed for FAs on DIMs, how are things different *here* than *out there*???
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Old 12-09-2011, 01:57 PM   #61
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1) We are not talking about children here. We're talking about adults. People of autonomous mental competence. The idea that an expression of admiration is somehow this tsunami of irresistable emotion is incredibly patronising.

2) Again, it's awfully convenient that YOUR desires in a lover don't include anything that runs afoul of a society-wide mass hate & profit indocrination program. That way you get to tell other people that they should never, ever express their desires, while enjoying the freedom to express your own.

While were at it, is this what DIMs has come to? Again, on the supposedly protected FA/FFA board, that we have people telling FAs and FFAs that they are "demons" who should back the fuck up into the closet and stay there!??? Really?? Seriously?

With this level of fat negativity and loathing expressed for FAs on DIMs, how are things different *here* than *out there*???
It becomes heinous when you factor in the damning PM's and negative Rep comments that are hidden in Dimmer Darkness, out of public view!
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Old 12-09-2011, 02:11 PM   #62
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It becomes heinous when you factor in the damning PM's and negative Rep comments that are hidden in Dimmer Darkness, out of public view!
PMs are one thing, but negative repping is really screwed up! Talk about a poison cup!
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Old 12-09-2011, 02:15 PM   #63
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Negative rep is against the rules, so if you get it, send a PM to a mod, and they'll deal with it. Also, if you're getting PMs you don't want, and you tell the person to stop, and they don't, then that also is against the rules.
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Old 12-10-2011, 10:08 AM   #64
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To be totally honest, I've lost what this thread is about. Everyone seems more interested in being RIGHT, than being informative.
I guess I look at it like this.
We're all adults. You're on this website for one reason or another that has to do with being fat or admiring it. You should be able to express your likes and dislikes as long as it violates no rules.
IN A RELATIONSHIP HOWEVER, your first and foremost concern should be the well being of your partner. This is a person you love. I think most of us would agree that having the person you love continue to live is a GOOD thing.
You can't help what you're attracted to that's true but that doesn't always mean what you're attracted to translates into something that will work out in real life. Wanting your partner to be so fat that they are immobile is fine for FANTASY. But in real life obviously (I would think) this is not a healthy plan. I mean despite what the dr's say I don't think being 'overweight' is as bad as some of them make it out to be. But being so fat you are immobile and cant get out of bed is BAD it's not healthy, it leads to one place and that's death.
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Old 12-10-2011, 12:25 PM   #65
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I struggle with my wife wanting to lose weight. In my opinion she is a small bbw 240lbs. I dont encourage her to lose and we fight about it all the time. So what is more important? The FA being physically happy but an unhappy fat wife or thinner wife but unhappy FA? I know I sound selfish but that's what goes on in my head.
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Old 12-10-2011, 01:08 PM   #66
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To be totally honest, I've lost what this thread is about. Everyone seems more interested in being RIGHT, than being informative.
I guess I look at it like this.
We're all adults. You're on this website for one reason or another that has to do with being fat or admiring it. You should be able to express your likes and dislikes as long as it violates no rules.
IN A RELATIONSHIP HOWEVER, your first and foremost concern should be the well being of your partner. This is a person you love. I think most of us would agree that having the person you love continue to live is a GOOD thing.
You can't help what you're attracted to that's true but that doesn't always mean what you're attracted to translates into something that will work out in real life. Wanting your partner to be so fat that they are immobile is fine for FANTASY. But in real life obviously (I would think) this is not a healthy plan. I mean despite what the dr's say I don't think being 'overweight' is as bad as some of them make it out to be.
As a matter of fact people in the "overweight" BMI category, on average, live longer than anoyone in any other BMI category, including the so-called "normal" category. Multiple peer-reviewed studies in more than one region of the world have proven this. Of course, you won't hear about it in the MSM, because it doesn't help sell diet-bullshit.

So much for the official line on how-fat-is-too-fat....

Quote:
But being so fat you are immobile and cant get out of bed is BAD it's not healthy, it leads to one place and that's death.
Really? How about that fattest guy in the world, what's his name? Manuel Uribe. Still alive. Shocking. I mean, how dare he!? Doesn't he know what MORBIDLY obese even means??

Meanwhile, thin people all over the world are dying every damn day. Every day. Dropping like flies. It's an epidemic! Quick, let's see if we can sell them some bullshit! Gotta be $$$ in that somewhere!

Oh, and how about all those single feedees who are gaining without any input from an FA partner, because that's what they, themselves, want. Should those people never partner with someone who finds them attractive, because that might help them gain? Should feedees remain single forever? Or only partner with fat-hating diet-freaks?

How about them smokers, eh? If you smoke cigs, you're probably gonna die of cancer. Should smokers never find love either? Unless it's with an anti-smoker who nags the shit out of them for the rest of their life?
There are people out there with a smoking fetish. Are they "demons" too?

How about gay men? They are at a higher risk of contracting STDs, including AIDs, should teh gays remain celibate?

Men die on average several years earlier than women. (While that may in part be due to men's health getting lower funding), it's true that if you cut off your balls and make yourself a eunuch, you will very probably live longer. Yet, most men, myself included, would rather remain intact even if that means we live shorter lives. Crazy, I know.


Is it really true that what everyone wants in a lover is some kind of live in doctor / fitness coach / dietician? Is it really true that the whole point of life is to live with the aim of surviving as long as possible, even if you are miserable?

Quality of life, may be more important than length.


Who are you to tell any other adult what they should or should not do with their own bodies? Or who they should or should not love? Indeed, who are you to define what love is?

I for one am sick to death of people trying to draw lines in the sand and tell everyone else in the world the rules of love / loving.
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Old 12-10-2011, 01:12 PM   #67
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I struggle with my wife wanting to lose weight. In my opinion she is a small bbw 240lbs. I dont encourage her to lose and we fight about it all the time. So what is more important? The FA being physically happy but an unhappy fat wife or thinner wife but unhappy FA? I know I sound selfish but that's what goes on in my head.
If you can't both be happy at the same time, sounds like maybe you married the wrong person?

Did you know that she expected you to work as a live-in diet-coach before you got married? Or was it a bait and switch thing?
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Old 12-10-2011, 01:31 PM   #68
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While we're at it - just how in hell is it, that if you google all over the interwebz, you find people complaining their asses off that:
- their once thin partner is now fat and they don't like it, at all.
- their partner has asked them to lose weight and they don't like that, at all.

How is it so increadibly rare that the people who are happy BEING fat, manage to find the people who are happy to BE with a fat person?

Is it because there are, in fact, only a very tiny number of people happy to be fat??

WTF is going on? Why are so many people so miserable?
Thin Admirers married to fat people and hating it. Fat people married to TAs and hating it. Fat people married to FAs, hating it cos they hate being fat. Ugh.
It's just such a depressing clusterfuck of misery!!


And what has the antis up in arms in this thread?? What terrible relationship nightmare? Oh yes, when an FA gets together with a fat person who is happy to stay fat, and they are happy together!!
Apparently, that is the worst thing evAR!! That's what we should worry about. Really. /sarcasm

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Old 12-10-2011, 03:15 PM   #69
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Originally Posted by joswitch View Post
While we're at it - just how in hell is it, that if you google all over the interwebz, you find people complaining their asses off that:
- their once thin partner is now fat and they don't like it, at all.
- their partner has asked them to lose weight and they don't like that, at all.

How is it so increadibly rare that the people who are happy BEING fat, manage to find the people who are happy to BE with a fat person?

Is it because there are, in fact, only a very tiny number of people happy to be fat??

WTF is going on? Why are so many people so miserable?
Thin Admirers married to fat people and hating it. Fat people married to TAs and hating it. Fat people married to FAs, hating it cos they hate being fat. Ugh.
It's just such a depressing clusterfuck of misery!!


And what has the antis up in arms in this thread?? What terrible relationship nightmare? Oh yes, when an FA gets together with a fat person who is happy to stay fat, and they are happy together!!
Apparently, that is the worst thing evAR!! That's what we should worry about. Really. /sarcasm

I'd gladly trade wealth, if I had it, to be in that type of relationship. It seems that the BHMFA/BBWFFA relationship is taboo here, in DimmerLand. (Dim, absence of light.)
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Old 12-10-2011, 04:10 PM   #70
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As a matter of fact people in the "overweight" BMI category, on average, live longer than anoyone in any other BMI category, including the so-called "normal" category. Multiple peer-reviewed studies in more than one region of the world have proven this. Of course, you won't hear about it in the MSM, because it doesn't help sell diet-bullshit.

So much for the official line on how-fat-is-too-fat....



Really? How about that fattest guy in the world, what's his name? Manuel Uribe. Still alive. Shocking. I mean, how dare he!? Doesn't he know what MORBIDLY obese even means??

Meanwhile, thin people all over the world are dying every damn day. Every day. Dropping like flies. It's an epidemic! Quick, let's see if we can sell them some bullshit! Gotta be $$$ in that somewhere!

Oh, and how about all those single feedees who are gaining without any input from an FA partner, because that's what they, themselves, want. Should those people never partner with someone who finds them attractive, because that might help them gain? Should feedees remain single forever? Or only partner with fat-hating diet-freaks?

How about them smokers, eh? If you smoke cigs, you're probably gonna die of cancer. Should smokers never find love either? Unless it's with an anti-smoker who nags the shit out of them for the rest of their life?
There are people out there with a smoking fetish. Are they "demons" too?

How about gay men? They are at a higher risk of contracting STDs, including AIDs, should teh gays remain celibate?

Men die on average several years earlier than women. (While that may in part be due to men's health getting lower funding), it's true that if you cut off your balls and make yourself a eunuch, you will very probably live longer. Yet, most men, myself included, would rather remain intact even if that means we live shorter lives. Crazy, I know.


Is it really true that what everyone wants in a lover is some kind of live in doctor / fitness coach / dietician? Is it really true that the whole point of life is to live with the aim of surviving as long as possible, even if you are miserable?

Quality of life, may be more important than length.


Who are you to tell any other adult what they should or should not do with their own bodies? Or who they should or should not love? Indeed, who are you to define what love is?

I for one am sick to death of people trying to draw lines in the sand and tell everyone else in the world the rules of love / loving.
Well first off you need to calm down, second you took everything I said out of context.
Again I think you're arguing about who's right.
Do gays need to be celibate, thats their business, do smokers need to remain single again THEIR business, this was a question asked by the op..

"The issue for discussion here is whether partners of supersize people should join the chorus of all those who advise/nag the supersize person to lose weight even if the supersize person is perfectly okay with who and what they are? "

I am saying not tell your spouse to remain fat or lose weight but to ENCOURAGE them to be healthy. I never mentioned the BMI I said it once and I'll say it again because it's TRUE your body is a machine and in order for it to function CORRECTLY it must be healthy. If you dont move you cant be healthy. What happens to your muscles and bones if you dont move?
Ok thanks
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Old 12-10-2011, 04:12 PM   #71
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If you can't both be happy at the same time, sounds like maybe you married the wrong person?

Did you know that she expected you to work as a live-in diet-coach before you got married? Or was it a bait and switch thing?
Maybe not a diet coach but if losing weight is what she wants, encouraging her to be happy is perfectly fair. People change their minds about things ALL the time.
Are you saying she can't be happy fat one moment and want to lose weight the next?
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Old 12-10-2011, 07:16 PM   #72
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Maybe not a diet coach but if losing weight is what she wants, encouraging her to be happy is perfectly fair. People change their minds about things ALL the time.
Are you saying she can't be happy fat one moment and want to lose weight the next?
My questions were directed at orangecrush.

You are not orangecrush.

You are pinktutu.

I realise all this psychedelia may be distracting, but do try to keep up.
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Old 12-10-2011, 07:22 PM   #73
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*snip*
Do gays need to be celibate, thats their business, do smokers need to remain single again THEIR business,
*snip*
Exactly.

So by the exact same principle: It's a fat person's and/or feedee's business what they do with their own personal body. It's their own business as to whether or not they involve a lover (FA and/or feeder and/or other) in whatever it is they are doing with their body.

No-one else's business. Not yours, not diet-pushers, not moralisers. Nobody else.

That, is my point, right there.
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Old 12-10-2011, 07:27 PM   #74
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WTF is going on? Why are so many people so miserable?
Thin Admirers married to fat people and hating it. Fat people married to TAs and hating it. Fat people married to FAs, hating it cos they hate being fat.
But that isn't all. My research indicates that:

*Dancers invariably marry people who don't like to dance.
*Crunchy peanut butter lovers always marry people who prefer smooth.
*Early birds marry night owls.
*Those who sleep with the windows open marry people who insist on keeping the windows shut.

Surely God must appreciate irony.
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Old 12-10-2011, 08:40 PM   #75
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My questions were directed at orangecrush.

You are not orangecrush.

You are pinktutu.

I realise all this psychedelia may be distracting, but do try to keep up.
Gosh I am pretty sure I knew you were directing it at orangecrush... my question was for you.. Not him which is why I quoted you... not him.

Also as to your second quote from me, I think you're the one confused seriously how you keep reading what I'm posting as some other way in which I meant it I don't understand.
I never said it was all everyone's business AGAIN I say IT'S NONE OF ANYONE'S business what you do with your partner.. are you quite happy now?
Ok now that we have that out of the way. What I had said was in answer to the op. He asked for opinions, it is my opinion that if you love someone your sexual desires come after the health of your partner. Which is what I have been saying all along. I did not say all fat people are unhealthy, I did not say their partners should encourage them to lose weight.
I'm at a lose why you've decided to take my statement that I feel considering your own sexual desires over the health of your partner has anything to do with your statements that other people have no business in the say of what you do with your body.
I'm not being purposefully obtuse or argumentative. I simply don't understand how you managed to twist my words into the counterpoint to your argument.
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