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Old 11-01-2011, 01:36 PM   #1
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Default Got the itch, decisions decisions...

For years I've been torn between gaining and losing weight. Seems like I go through cycles. I'm not a dieter (as Garfield said, diet is die with a t!)... but when I eat healthier and exercise more, I lose weight pretty easily. When I eat normal and don't exercise much, I stay the same (been around 320 a couple years now).

Those of you who know me know I used to be a pretty hard core gainer. I went from 280 up to 365 over a few years, but due to some health issues (only partially due to weight - hormonal) I had to back off. But here I am again, now happy and healthy. It's so hard to tame the fatty desires that are still very much a part of who I am, even though I know there could be real health consequences to a gain.

It's not fair. Seeing other models gaining and enjoying themselves... I'm so envious. I miss it so much. I loved it.

I'm trying to get things set up to start modeling again, and I want to gain again when that happens. I want to indulge. I want to grow. I want my ample curves to expand. I've been purposely gaining and loving on my belly since I was 9 years old - when something is that ingrained in who you are as a person, you can't just ignore the feelings.

And fantasy only does so much. Having tasted reality, felt it, lived it... there's no comparison.

I am going to model, and with that I will be indulging more. I may just roll with it (hehe, rolls). Expand a little. Maybe just 20 pounds. I'll listen to my body, and if I begin to feel anything less than fantastic, I'll stop. For me, I think it's worth the risk, especially while I'm still young and resilient. ...But will I be able to stop once I begin again?

Actually, the idea of that is pretty exciting in itself.

Am I being really stupid here? I mean what I went through wasn't life threatening or anything, just really unpleasant. Basically what happens is my spinal fluid doesn't flow well between my head and my spine, so I get pressure built up around my brain (pseudotumor cerebri - I've posted about it elsewhere on this board). It's been years since I've had symptoms, and I'm on medication for it. They think what caused it was the birth control I was on in combination with my weight (hormones play a big part). I've since also had my gallbladder out, and oddly that seems to have helped my hormone imbalances a lot. I also no longer have high blood pressure thanks mostly due to a certain herb. >_> (I also think that has helped a lot with relaxing my spinal fluid pipework lol).

Things are going really well right now, and I don't want to screw it up... but oh how I miss the gaining lifestyle. If I could have a taste of it again, even just for a few months... but I know it wouldn't be just a few months lol. Could I stop at 20 pounds?

I'm trying to look at this objectively, from an outside perspective, and I think going for it and proceeding cautiously is the way to go. And I know posting on a board like this the replies will be biased... but knowing the situation and how much a part of me this culture is... what do you think?

Sorry the pics are a couple months old - working on getting some new ones done soon.
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Old 11-01-2011, 02:14 PM   #2
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You look great just the way you are. If you had problems before, they're only going to get worse when you get older.

I'm not going to say how you should live your life but if things are going great right now, why screw it up? Just my opinion
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Old 11-01-2011, 02:21 PM   #3
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I think what you have is what an ex-friend of my wife's had (has, I suppose). It sure seemed like something not to mess with (although she might have been more serious or a bit different, she had a shunt to help fluid drain, and if she messed up her lifestyle, that tended to get blocked, landing her in the hospital in pretty serious condition).

I totally understand the desire to gain, but please be extremely careful around anything that could aggravate something that is potentially that serious.
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Old 11-01-2011, 02:29 PM   #4
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I think what you have is what an ex-friend of my wife's had (has, I suppose). It sure seemed like something not to mess with (although she might have been more serious or a bit different, she had a shunt to help fluid drain, and if she messed up her lifestyle, that tended to get blocked, landing her in the hospital in pretty serious condition).
I have a very mild case. Usually people get pretty bad headaches with it and experience a lot of ocular pressure. I haven't had any symptoms since it all erupted a few years ago, and that was when I was depressed and unhealthy and experiencing a lot of hormonal problems. It was completely taken care of with a couple spinal taps and some medication. I have my eyes checked for pressure every time I go to the doc, and it's been fine.

It's not something I want to go through again, though. So if I do decide to gain a bit, I'll definitely be paying attention to my body (something I wasn't doing back when I was in that dark place...).
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Old 11-01-2011, 02:33 PM   #5
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You look great just the way you are. If you had problems before, they're only going to get worse when you get older.

I'm not going to say how you should live your life but if things are going great right now, why screw it up? Just my opinion
And it's a valid one. I don't want to screw it up.

I want to rant at the world. Why me? Why does what makes me happy have to make me unhealthy? It's not fucking fair.
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Old 11-01-2011, 02:40 PM   #6
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And it's a valid one. I don't want to screw it up.

I want to rant at the world. Why me? Why does what makes me happy have to make me unhealthy? It's not fucking fair.
Why was I given an athletes body but only 5'8 inches of height to work with? Gotta play the hand you were dealt......and cheat if you can *slips you a cupcake* :-)

In all seriousness, I have no idea the kind of pain you're going through but like I said....if it means anything, you're amazing just the way you are.
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Old 11-01-2011, 02:42 PM   #7
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I've got nothing against a good bout of ranting at the world

But I've got to say--from what you wrote, you are 320 pounds and in great health currently. You are actually probably on the fortunate side being able to be fat and be healthy. Lots of people have a lot more issues by your size (and yes, some seem to be able to get much bigger with few isues, but I think they are the really fortunate tip of the curve). Just personally, I don't think my knees or feet would deal well with your weight, and the food I'd probably need to eat to get there would probably totally screw up my wonky digestive system.

In short, I'm envious of you being the size you are and in such good health.
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Old 11-01-2011, 03:18 PM   #8
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In all seriousness, I have no idea the kind of pain you're going through but like I said....if it means anything, you're amazing just the way you are.
Thanks, you're sweet. And I've gotta emphasize if I do gain, it's for me. I mean - I can find happiness at any size. But I looooove the whole process of gaining. It's just part of who I am. Once in a while I get an urge to partake, it's a cycle. And if I do go for it, it's not gonna last forever. I'll enjoy the ride, and then normalize again. I think I'm being pretty realistic.

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I've got nothing against a good bout of ranting at the world

But I've got to say--from what you wrote, you are 320 pounds and in great health currently. You are actually probably on the fortunate side being able to be fat and be healthy. Lots of people have a lot more issues by your size (and yes, some seem to be able to get much bigger with few isues, but I think they are the really fortunate tip of the curve). Just personally, I don't think my knees or feet would deal well with your weight, and the food I'd probably need to eat to get there would probably totally screw up my wonky digestive system.

In short, I'm envious of you being the size you are and in such good health.
I didn't really think of it like that. I guess I am pretty fortunate as is.
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Old 11-01-2011, 03:18 PM   #9
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I usually think a healthy medium would be best.

Sure, a person could gain and they could reach a point where it starts to affect their health although I would think that gaining to such a point would be (looking for a word here) self-destructive? OR they could not gain and remain the same but then they wouldn't be able to enjoy something which they like and depending how important that is to the individual that's not something they want to ignore.

A nice medium seems best, if not indulging at all but that's because I tend to see that such activities (particularly when they've caused health issues in the past) seems self-destructive.
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Old 11-01-2011, 03:43 PM   #10
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I usually think a healthy medium would be best.

Sure, a person could gain and they could reach a point where it starts to affect their health although I would think that gaining to such a point would be (looking for a word here) self-destructive? OR they could not gain and remain the same but then they wouldn't be able to enjoy something which they like and depending how important that is to the individual that's not something they want to ignore.

A nice medium seems best, if not indulging at all but that's because I tend to see that such activities (particularly when they've caused health issues in the past) seems self-destructive.
But isn't all gaining of weight (fat) inherently unhealthy, unless a person is underweight?

The fact that I'd like to gain on top of some biological issues makes my situation more complicated and more unhealthy, but I think (from a physical standpoint) weight gain in general is (using your words) "self destructive." Anyone who purposely gains weight for pleasure is a risk taker. At least I already know what I'm up against, and the signs to look for.

Also, I'm not gaining until I hit health problems. I could potentially gain to 400 and not see these health problems return, but I don't want to be that big. What I'm saying is that I'd like to gain, and if I happen to run into any signs that those issues are returning, I'll stop.

I'm not planning on gaining hardcore again either. I just want to enjoy myself more. Have more stuffing sessions, because I miss that overstuffed feeling of gluttonous indulgence. I just know that when I start back into the lifestyle, a little bit of gain is inevitable. My real goal isn't to gain (though I do love to see the inches accumulate)... the gaining is more of a side effect. A really enjoyable side effect.

Last edited by Aurora; 11-01-2011 at 04:01 PM. Reason: Clarification lol.
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Old 11-01-2011, 07:25 PM   #11
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Aurora is back! Another FatNats alum! Neat!
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Old 11-01-2011, 08:55 PM   #12
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But isn't all gaining of weight (fat) inherently unhealthy, unless a person is underweight?

The fact that I'd like to gain on top of some biological issues makes my situation more complicated and more unhealthy, but I think (from a physical standpoint) weight gain in general is (using your words) "self destructive." Anyone who purposely gains weight for pleasure is a risk taker. At least I already know what I'm up against, and the signs to look for.

Also, I'm not gaining until I hit health problems. I could potentially gain to 400 and not see these health problems return, but I don't want to be that big. What I'm saying is that I'd like to gain, and if I happen to run into any signs that those issues are returning, I'll stop.

I'm not planning on gaining hardcore again either. I just want to enjoy myself more. Have more stuffing sessions, because I miss that overstuffed feeling of gluttonous indulgence. I just know that when I start back into the lifestyle, a little bit of gain is inevitable. My real goal isn't to gain (though I do love to see the inches accumulate)... the gaining is more of a side effect. A really enjoyable side effect.
It depends on what articles of information you'd like to believe in. There have been multiple different and otherwise contradictory reports that go out into the media so it's relatively hard to say whether all weight gain is unhealthy or not (least so I'd say).

I for one tend to put more stock in a genetic Link than others so I tend to see things differently.

Every individual (based on genetics) tends to have a certain normal weight range which changes throughout their life. Larger individuals have a higher weight range than smaller individuals so to expect everyone to be the same BMI based on height seems rather odd. It seems rather odd since most people aren't from the same stock. Because of this it's hard for me to say that all people who are underweight or overweight are unhealthy because there are people who are naturally bigger and people who are naturally a size zero.

When I take a look at health, I take a look at vitals and other such info. Blood Pressure, cholesterol levels, respiratory rate, heart rate, etc.

If these are fine and there is nothing physically wrong with a person I often really doubt that there is much of a problem.

Can going over or under your "natural range" be bad? I would say yes but its not as bad if you take care of yourself.
---

Also, since you mentioned that you don't plan on being a hardcore gainer and that should health problems occur you'll stop I really don't see much wrong with it. You're aware of potential risks, you plan to stop if you experience any bad signs, and you say you're not going to over do it so why not?

Also, while I do say it is "self-destructive" there's nothing inherently wrong with self destructive behavior. People engage in self destructive behaviour all the time and infact some people are naturally self-destructive.
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Old 11-02-2011, 11:27 AM   #13
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Hi Aurora, I think you should follow your heart and do what feels good to you. you are goreous now and I think you would be gorgeous heavier. Personally I love the thought of you bigger and getting overstuffed, but you have to do what is right for you. Love you.
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Old 11-02-2011, 12:45 PM   #14
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Hello Aurora!

I remember you from your first modelling turn and always wondered where you might have gone...

Nice to know you are well and can control your health issues!

Due to these issues I would not gain weight in your situation as you donīt know if you can control it once more... maybe it gets out of control, you see!

But if you love to overstuff just do so from time to time... I donīt think it will do much harm if you find other activities to burn the calories (sports etc.)!

All the best,

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Old 11-02-2011, 10:09 PM   #15
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You are beautiful! I love your belly. If you want to gain, I get it. I wasn't trying to gain, just got tired of trying to maintain at 200 or loose & quit dieting. The weight just piled on at that point. Maybe that would work for you if you just eat what & when you want.
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Old 11-03-2011, 04:49 PM   #16
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The answer is quite simple: You never know until you try. Now, let's get you fatter
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Old 11-04-2011, 05:10 PM   #17
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You're a lovely girl, Miss Aurora, and you know your body the best.

You look great now so why not give modeling a try again and see what happens?

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Old 11-04-2011, 05:27 PM   #18
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Coming from the other side of the coin (that being the skinny FA who likes fat girls and likes the idea of girls getting bigger) my personal protocol on these issues is that it's just fantasy. All talk, no action. That's not to say that some weight gain might not happen without intending to, but the real question you have to ask yourself is whether or not the "all-talk, fantasy-only" route isn't enough for you.
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Old 11-09-2011, 12:32 PM   #19
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You are an angel! Thanks for sharing. Looking forward to updates.
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Old 11-09-2011, 02:34 PM   #20
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Its great having you back. And I know exactly how you feel. After slowly gaining 130 lbs, I have leveled off at 300 and with regular eating and a little exercise, that seems to be where I will stay. Like you I love to overstuff and experience the feeling of fullness or as you describe, the wonderful "results of gluttonous indulgence". I too would love to gain more but know my back and knees just could not handle the extra weight, so alas here I sit.

You look spectacular at 320 lbs. and I would hate to see your health suffer because of your desire to experience the pleasure of gaining again. And I know first hand how hard it is to keep the desire to gain and grow fatter in check. I struggle with it every day, but for health's sake, I would enjoy the weight you are at. Good luck with whatever decision you make. And thanks for sharing. You are truly a beautiful woman!
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Old 11-14-2011, 01:46 PM   #21
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Very pretty
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Old 11-20-2011, 11:45 AM   #22
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I think the occasional stuffing session would be ok; it would help you indulge your fantasies but wouldn't make you gain too much weight... That being said, if you do decide to do some stuffing you should share the pictures with us
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Old 11-20-2011, 01:04 PM   #23
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Default Gotta go with your gut

In the end you gotta go with what your heart/ stomach desires. Just don't leave your head completely out of it. You can gain weight in a healthy way and still work out. It will be a slower gain but a healthier one.

Best wishes to whatever you do sexy girl!
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Old 11-20-2011, 04:58 PM   #24
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You are very attractive at your present size, and you know your body better than anyone here does. You also don't know what kind of issues the other models may be dealing with.
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